MMF: From Fantasy to Reality

[swngthng 15]

Hi All,

 

Thanks for a good forum. Been reading alot of good advice here, and was hoping for some feedback as well.

 

My wife and I are in our early 40's. Been married 10 years, with 2 kids. Marriage started with great sex but has fizzled a bit over the years. Lately the topic of threesomes has come up, and the idea of a MMF (or MMMF) has really excited the both of us. We'll start taking about it in bed and wind up having some hot sex. Or she'll come home and tell me about some hot guy she saw and teasing me how she'd like to bring him home, knowing it will lead to us having some hot sex later that night.

 

She's very attractive with a strong sexual desire, and has fantasized about having 2 or more men for a while. I've also had MMF fantasys for a long time. It turns me on to see a woman getting pleasure form several men, and knowing that's what my wife wants turns me on even more.

 

So far it's only been this kind of "dirty talk" but I think it could soon be time to take it further. But then the reality kicks in: how, who, where, etc.. and what about the feelings afterwards? Jealousy? Would we regret it? Are some things better left just being a fantasy? If we did it, would it be better with a stranger or someone we knew?

 

I have read alot of good advice here, and picked up that communication is key. As well as thinking it through. Right now we are kind of on the fence. It's exciting for us to talk about, and has brought alot of spark back to our sex-life, but we are wondering about actually crossing the line and doing it.

 

Is there any good way to "test the water"? Maybe we should go to a bar/club and let her flirt with some guys and see what happens? Is it better to plan it through or just let it happen naturally if/when it does?

 

Well, since it's something new to us, we aren't going to rush into it. Any advice here is welcome. Thanks.

[Newpants 21]

 

So far it's only been this kind of "dirty talk" but I think it could soon be time to take it further. But then the reality kicks in: how, who, where, etc.. and what about the feelings afterwards? Jealousy? Would we regret it? Are some things better left just being a fantasy? If we did it, would it be better with a stranger or someone we knew?

 

It's exciting for us to talk about, and has brought alot of spark back to our sex-life, but we are wondering about actually crossing the line and doing it.

 

Is there any good way to "test the water"? Maybe we should go to a bar/club and let her flirt with some guys and see what happens? Is it better to plan it through or just let it happen naturally if/when it does?

 

.

 

There is a big difference between dirty talk and fantasy and actually wanting to make it happen. I'll offer these few suggestions you could try.

 

One is, the next time you are doing something completely nonsexual and are not the least bit aroused, search your feelings and see how you feel about it in a normal, sober and nonstimulated state.

 

- Then under the same circumstances (nonsexual, nonstimulated) bring it up to her and ask her frankly if it is something she would actually like to discuss making a reality or is it just a fun, fantasy for her?

 

-A good way to test the waters is to find a swingers club and go to the club and just make a few introductions and meet a few people and spend the evening socializing and dancing but do not go with any expectations of actually having sex with anyone. See how you both really feel when you are talking/flirting/dancing with other people.

 

NOTE: Do NOT do this in a regular vanilla (nonswinger) meetmarket bar or dance club. People in a swingers club will understand the concept of "just checking it out" or "just testing the waters" Men in a meetmarket bar will not!

 

- Also I would strongy recommend NOT hitting up anyone you already know or have any kind of relationship with or any kind of emotional investment with. There is too much potential for misunderstandings, attachments or feelings.

 

- Again, my recommendations are to go to a swingers club and meet real people face to face and have her pick and choose who she is attracted to and feels some chemistry with as well as who you are comfortable with.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

First of all, I WELCOME the both of you. Glad you found us.

 

Every question you pose is typical for a couple who are first starting to examine the idea of bringing others into their intimate company. I will offer just two things. First, reviving your sex lives is not a good reason for getting into the lifestyle. Your sex lives might seem to be in-decline but are presumably still good. Tell each other that it is so and that you will use your relationship as a secure launching pad for new adventures. Second, and this is advice I give to all people just getting into it, plan visits to a swingers' clubs. Don't expect instant results. And you might even end with more questions than when you began. But it will be worthwhile Socialize. Get a "feel" for the people who are engaged in the lifestyle.

 

~Michael

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

The only thing that concerns me much so far is the stale sex life. The stale sex life to me isn't a red warning flag in and of itself. Stale sex lives can happen even to the best relationships. I don't think a stale sex life by itself means the relationship is bad.

 

That said, if your relationship isn't solid, swinging isn't going to make it more solid. Swinging is a magnifying glass. What it finds, it amplifies. If it finds good, it amplifies that. If it finds bad, it amplifies that. If your relationship is solid, and your communication is very strong between the two of you, you have a good foundation from which to consider exploring swinging.

 

As Newpants noted; there's a gulf between fantasy and reality. Talk of swinging can really fire up the bedroom. When my wife and I first started considering swinging, she stayed horny for a month+. Neither of us could get enough of the other. Swinging does produce some vivid fantasies, and some incredible spark.

 

That doesn't mean you're ready to swing.

 

Newpants' advice is spot on; try discussing swinging with your wife when outside of the bedroom, doing something mundane. If the only place you can talk about it is in the bedroom, it's probably best left a fantasy. If you can talk about it freely outside of the bedroom, that's a good sign that taking it past fantasy is a possibility.

 

I also agree that going to a 'vanilla' (non-swinger) club to test the waters is useless, and could actually be a strong negative. You're not testing the waters of swinging in this case. You're testing the meat market. The meat markets are always out there, and there will always be some guy willing to fuck your wife. That's not swinging, and it will lead to problems (maybe not between you and your wife, but...) Some guy wanting to have sex with your wife from such a meat market isn't going to go well, and 'naturally'. That's not to say its impossible, but you're doing yourself a disservice. This isn't testing the waters of swinging.

 

Most swinger clubs aren't much different in many respects from a regular night club. There isn't anything to fear in going. Nobody is going to try to physically assault your wife, or be incredibly pushy about wanting to have sex with her. The atmosphere is great. By showing up you are not consenting to anything other than that you are there. You don't have to and are not expected to say yes to anything just because you are there.

 

More to your questions:

 

How: Either through swing clubs or online resources, such as swinglifestyle.com.

 

Who: At a club, you talk to various people. Find a guy or couple that you both like, and progress from there. From online sites, agree to a meet and greet and see if both of you like him. Yes, both of you. I don't want my wife having sex with someone I don't like, even if I'm not involved.

 

Where: At a swing club, most are on premise. You use a private room, or if you like a public room. Otherwise, hotel rooms work fine.

 

Feelings afterwards? Hard to judge. Only the two of you can judge that. But, if both of you talk everything out many times beforehand, discuss all the aspects of it, ensure you have some ground rules set, and that the first time doesn't go any further than you want it to, chances are pretty good your afterwards feelings aren't going to be negative.

 

Will you regret it? Probably not. It's up to you two though. How you feel about it can at least be partially discerned before actually doing anything.

 

Will you be jealous? Possibly. Possibly not. How jealous of a person are you at this time in your life? Test yourself; when in a mundane moment, think about another man having sex with your wife. Also; if you are both on the same page with regards to rules, and you both have talked many times about swinging, jealousy may have a difficult time creeping in. Keep in mind that a swinger isn't after your wife's heart. Also keep in mind that no matter what happens, she's coming home with you, not him. This also goes back to vanilla club vs. swinger club. Swinger males know the deal. Vanilla males don't. There's a LOT less to be potentially jealous about from swinger males.

 

Also, you can dip your toes in the pool in other ways too. Going to a swing club is great, and wonderful advice. Past that, you can try doing something short of sexual intercourse. You can try having sex with each other in a public room, see how you feel about other people watching you. You can do 'soft swap', and your wife could give oral sex to a guy and he to your wife. You don't have to go from zero to sixty in one dip-your-toes-in-the-water moment. This isn't a race.

 

Rules; Many couples starting out in swinging have a dizzying array of rules. There's nothing wrong with that. People aren't raised with an undertanding of swinging, just usually relationships. Having rules gives you a basis on which to engage in the activity while still feeling a bit more in control, more safe. My wife and I started off with a whole bunch of rules. Some of the rules fell by the wayside very quickly. Some fell off later. A year and a half into it, and our rules are very simple now.

 

As a husband who has been in many MFMs with my wife, I'll say this; I love my wife as deeply as humanly possible, and she to me. We have a great relationship, and I am ever grateful for having her in my life. Watching her have sex with other men is absolutely fantastic. I thoroughly, completely enjoy it. I'm always looking forward to the next time.

[OpenmindMI 15]

There is nothing hotter than watching your wife or girlfriend enjoying a new cock. I think of it as kind of like having a new sex toy. I love seeing the look of excited ecstasy on her face when she cums.

 

Isn't there a difference between MMF and MFM? I always thought MMF meant the the guys were bi and MFM is where the guys have no contact.

[ncmd_couple 597]

OpenmindMI,

 

On the question of MMF and MFM, pretty much like everything, it depends on the person using it. I, like many, consider MMF to include Bi, or Bi Curious men, where MFM is where two men focus on satisfying the lady.

 

S

[sexcupid 809]

ncmd and openmind...I've always assumed it was a threesome with 2 men and a lady...regardless of whatever order the letters are in...what would you read MMMMF as (I assume its a bunch of guys and one lady)?

 

To the OP...as far as testing the waters...if you want to go to a dance club and let your wife flirt to see how you would feel at least watching her interact with another man on even that level...go for it.

 

Some people have posted here previously about just going out and letting things happen organically (vs. I guess sending invites to guys to just show up at a hotel room or something)...and while that's all fine and dandy if something pans out...perhaps it makes them feel better in the respect of 'oh...we didn't go out specifically looking for sex...it just ended up happening'.

 

As for the arguement of swing club vs. vanilla club...do what you are comfortable with. The thing is while some swing clubs have guys that 'get' the lifestyle they don't all...there are too many stories here about guys at the ls club that didn't get it (single or married guys)...so if your wife is interested...let her take the lead on where she wants to go (dance club...corner bar...whatever).

 

But primarily...sex does get a little stale after a while with the same person...to act like it doesn't or may not ever happen is unrealistic. Throw younger kids in the mix and pow! Life just gets in the way of having marathon sessions. Unfortunately. lol

 

Ask her if its something that she is interested in actually having happen or if its just pillow talk. Most men tend to be technical/literal when something is said (particuarly if its a repeated thing like this fantasy)...when she just may be thinking 'wow that was freakin' hot to be able to say these things to my hubby and have him fuck me like there's no tomorrow'. Make sure the two of you are on the same page with just keeping it strictly fantasy or trying to make it a reality.

 

Good luck and we're glad you found us here!

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- I would make certain the marriage and the sex were back in the 'amazing' column before adding new players to the team. I may get an amazing fuck with other men, but the best lovemaking is with my husband, Ed. There is a difference and I would never give up the great lovemaking for a great fuck.

[ncmd_couple 597]

ncmd and openmind...I've always assumed it was a threesome with 2 men and a lady...regardless of whatever order the letters are in...what would you read MMMMF as (I assume its a bunch of guys and one lady)?

 

Sexcupid,

 

That is why I always ask someone what they have in mind when this topic comes up. I just commented on how I look at it.

 

S

[sexcupid 809]

Sexcupid,

 

That is why I always ask someone what they have in mind when this topic comes up. I just commented on how I look at it.

 

S

 

Understandable for sure...it never hurts to get clarification from a poster or a potential playmate.

 

And just another comment to the OP...it has been said here many times...swinging amplifies the relationship...if there are cracks, it makes them bigger...if overall the marriage is positive, then there will be positive amplification. But again...just talk to your wife about her views on it. It could just very well be a favorite tool in the tool box right now to make sex hotter.

[swngthng 15]

Thanks for all the good feedback After thinking it over, maybe we aren't ready to take the plunge just yet. But who knows. We'll keep an open mind and maybe ease into it ...or not... we'll see. But thanks for giving some good advice and different perspectives on things

[jforshort 15]

i think you should go for it,,, just the once,,, with a staranger who knows that your a couple, and then you can go from there????

[Voyager1022 42]

My wife and I fantisized about her being seduced by another guy when we were in bed together. And it did make the sex much hotter - but then it was always good. She did flirt with guys in vanilla bars on ocassion and it turned us both on. There was even some dirty dancing along the way. Then about a year and a half ago, we were in Vegas. She had on a hot lime green dress and purple high heels when we for dinner in the hotel. After dinner, we went into one of the lounges and a younger guy started some heavy duty flirtting with her. As the evening wore on, he was touching her thigh and gazing into her eyes. She asked him about places to go dancing and then a short while later when she rose to use the ladies room, he stood too and took her into his arms and started slow dancing, then kissing her. She responded completely. When she returned and he truned on the charm, they held hands and kissed and laughed but when he proposed a massage, she pushed back. But the next day, she told me we should invite him to hang out at the pool with us (she had his business card). She called him in the morning and he showed up in the afternoon. He seduced her in the warm pool water and what started out as sitting on the edge of the pool ended up with deep French kissing and then there hands each seeking the other underneath their swimsuits. I sat on the edge of the pool and watched them for one of the biggest turn ons I can remember. After an hour in the pool, she looked up at me from the water in his embrace and said, "I want to go back to the room". OMG - we walked from the pool through the hotel and casino back to to the room with their arms around each other and stopping to kiss along the way. And once in the room, the seduction that started in the pool escalated - slowly at first and then became more heated. Gentle kissing and carressing turned to deep French kissing and hands roaming each other completely. The French kissing led to exploring each other with their lips and then 69ing together that seemed to last forever. and when she laid on her back and slowiy spread her legs apart - he moved to her and at first gently slid inside her. He was well endowed and she moaned like I never heard before. It became more intense and as he thrusted harder and deeper - all the time kissing and carressing - her joy was obvious, telling him, "oh that feels so good" and "oh I love your cock and how it feels in me" and "fuck me Baby - harder - fuck me". And when he came in her, she exploded too with screams of pleasure. It wasn't just sex - it was spontaneou lovemaking. And when they laid together coming down from the intense high - the loving continued. More kissing and fondling. She sat on him and they kissed. He massaged her ass and sucked on her nipples. And for hours they pleasured each other. She sucked on his cock until he was moaning and then he finally came again her her mouth. When she looked at me with his cum dripping from the corner of his mouth, I knew ahe had been taken over the edge. They laid together for a very long time - spent - and fulfilled. That first time was the fantasy come true. She told me that evening she didn't regret a thing and wished she had done it sooner.

 

I don't know if my story helps you or not. You've been given the advice of many here but wanted to share our story with you. To this day, she speaked of that afternoon fondly. So I hope you find wht you are looking for.

[lovinher 505]

Susan here-- I would make certain the marriage and the sex were back in the 'amazing' column before adding new players to the team. I may get an amazing fuck with other men, but the best lovemaking is with my husband, Ed. There is a difference and I would never give up the great lovemaking for a great fuck.

 

It would be very wise to take this advice.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Hi All,

 

Thanks for a good forum. Been reading alot of good advice here, and was hoping for some feedback as well.

 

My wife and I are in our early 40's. Been married 10 years, with 2 kids. Marriage started with great sex but has fizzled a bit over the years. Lately the topic of threesomes has come up, and the idea of a MMF (or MMMF) has really excited the both of us. We'll start taking about it in bed and wind up having some hot sex. Or she'll come home and tell me about some hot guy she saw and teasing me how she'd like to bring him home, knowing it will lead to us having some hot sex later that night.

 

She's very attractive with a strong sexual desire, and has fantasized about having 2 or more men for a while. I've also had MMF fantasys for a long time. It turns me on to see a woman getting pleasure form several men, and knowing that's what my wife wants turns me on even more.

 

So far it's only been this kind of "dirty talk" but I think it could soon be time to take it further. But then the reality kicks in: how, who, where, etc.. and what about the feelings afterwards? Jealousy? Would we regret it? Are some things better left just being a fantasy? If we did it, would it be better with a stranger or someone we knew?

 

It was incredible watching my wife having sex with another man. It took me a long time to talk her into it. I knew him but my wife didn't. Her first time was awesome. She loved it! She looked forward to having sex with him again and I watched them fucking and making love many times over about two years. He was the only one we needed to live out our fantasies. I felt jealous the first time I watched them kissing passionately and how she reacted to it. They fell in love and it was him who started getting jealous of me having sex with her. I started looking for other guys to have sex with her. I posted personals on a few websites and she had sex with guys who were total strangers to both of us. Most experiences were good at least for me. There were a few bad choices. She missed having sex with her first lover and I was hoping to find a good replacement for him.

 

I have read alot of good advice here, and picked up that communication is key. As well as thinking it through. Right now we are kind of on the fence. It's exciting for us to talk about, and has brought alot of spark back to our sex-life, but we are wondering about actually crossing the line and doing it.

 

Is there any good way to "test the water"? Maybe we should go to a bar/club and let her flirt with some guys and see what happens? Is it better to plan it through or just let it happen naturally if/when it does?

 

Taking her out and having her flirt with other guys is a good idea. Just be prepared to see it happen if she connects with someone she really wants to do it with.

 

Well, since it's something new to us, we aren't going to rush into it. Any advice here is welcome. Thanks.

 

Good luck!

[nudieflirts 16]

Your wifes first lover fell in love because you had a relationship with him and it was ongoing.Better to meet complete strangers and if you choose to have repeat liasions,do so sparingly.Keep control by keeping phone numbers personal and being the one who controls all aspects of the situation.My former wife and i had a successfull 15 year mfm lifestyle and it was very hot.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Your wifes first lover fell in love because you had a relationship with him and it was ongoing.Better to meet complete strangers and if you choose to have repeat liasions,do so sparingly.Keep control by keeping phone numbers personal and being the one who controls all aspects of the situation.My former wife and i had a successfull 15 year mfm lifestyle and it was very hot.

 

Each to their own I guess, but I'm not interested in 'controlling' my wife's liaisons with other men. Personally, I trust my wife to always keep me in the loop, as does she with me. Nothing happens without the other's approval with us, and that approval can't happen if we're not both in the loop on everything. This has always worked fine for us and never generated a single problem.