Outed by our 14 year old

[duo33470 15]

We have a major problem, and neither of us are sure how to proceed. We have posted relatively little here, but if you look at our threads you will see that our swinging does not usually involve couples, but multiple men.

 

We typically entertain in our home, and when we do our children go to stay with grandparents for the weekend. We have tried to keep our sex lives and family lives seperate and until know have been successful.

 

This weekend things changed. We had a few guys over, but unknown to us our son had left a webcam going on the computer in our den... and unfortunately he managed to video tape our fun. We had 4 men over all of whom had sex with my wife, and all of it was captured on the cam. I did not participate directly, though I am seen in the video masturbating.

 

We do not think he intentionally captured this video. We discovered him looking at it. We were all so embarassed we really have not talked about it yet...

 

has anyone ever been in anything remotely similar?

 

any opinions on what we should do would be appreciated.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

We had a few guys over, but unknown to us our son had left a webcam going on the computer in our den... and unfortunately he managed to video tape our fun. We had 4 men over all of whom had sex with my wife, and all of it was captured on the cam. I did not participate directly, though I am seen in the video masturbating.

 

We do not think he intentionally captured this video. We discovered him looking at it. We were all so embarassed we really have not talked about it yet...

This hasn't happened to us, we have no children.

 

However, I remember being 14 and I highly doubt I would have left my webcam going accidentally when I left for an overnight stay with the grandparents.

 

I think your son felt something was up and left it on to catch what he suspected.

 

I don't know what you're going to say, but you do need to talk soon. Hopefully, some members who are parents of teens will have some advice for you.

 

Maybe you live in the boondocks where you have no neighbors who can view your home, but if you live in a typical neighborhood your neighbors know something is up, too. Four men coming over while the kids are gone is going to get noticed. Guys coming to your home to fuck your wife walk different, dress different and send off a vibe that is unlike buddies who know you well and come by to barbecue, talk business, or play pool.

 

Don't play at home in the future.

 

LM

[cplnuswing 4,713]

No, thankfully haven't experienced anything even in the same universe as that. So, take this for what it's worth.

 

You need to talk ASAP. Without knowing your exact situation, it's probably a fair guess that there is a lot to lose if this isn't handled well. Family, friends, neighbors, jobs or businesses, and maybe even your parental rights, at least temporarily, should a hysteria get going. Last but certainly not least, your relationship with your son. Unfortunately, all of that is hinging on the decisions that a 14 year old is going to make.

 

Without knowing the maturity level, family dynamics, etc., I'm not going to guess at the best way to approach it in terms of your relationship with him. But what should be front and center though as part of any conversation is to impress upon him, with examples, the seriousness of what could happen to his family, including him, should he treat this lightly. It's a burden he shouldn't have to bear at that age, but then again he brought it upon himself (I too think the cam was no accident).

 

Good luck.

[Alura 2,774]

I remember Mrs. Alura discussing this issue with me long ago. Fortunately, neither son ever asked us about the lifestyle even after they found out we posted on this board.

 

Anyway, we had decided that we'd talk to them about it like any other issue, leveling with them, of course, and hope they'd understand. We used the same approach in telling them of Laura's impending death. They handled that quite well, maintaining their individual statuses of "Honor Student" during the semester in which she died.

 

It's been my experience that kids can handle a lot as long as their parents are honest with them and let them know beyond doubt that they are deeply loved. Sounds kinda like marriage, doesn't it? ...or maybe just life.

 

Alura

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

We had actually started the "is HPV inevitble" thread a while back... about the time we decided that our preferred play was with multiple males for my wife, as opposed to couples swinging.

 

We have now had quite a few bareback gangbangs, and my wife is completely addicted to it and would not have it any other way. We are aware of the risks but could not change even if we wanted to.

 

 

Is the risk we take each time we are with a new partner add to part of the excitement and addiction?

 

After reviewing your other posts I found these two statements above stood out.

 

I have to wonder if excitement, risk, and addiction play a role in this situation with your son.

 

Is it possible that getting caught by your son is another risk that excites you?

 

LM

[DiscreetDesires 32]

I don't have any advice as our children are still too young yet, but I can almost guarantee that your son is as embarrassed to approach the subject as the both of you are.

Be honest and upfront with your son, and most of all... let him know that he is loved and the both of you are very much in love.

He may have viewed this (or intentionally set the cam up to capture this) because he may have been thinking that one or both of you were cheating on the other.

Reassure him of your love and commitment for each other.

[duo33470 15]

Is it possible that getting caught by your son is another risk that excites you?

 

There is a certain amount of excitement associated with getting caught, but this is not really what we were looking for and I certainly hope no one is accusing us of getting caught on purpose.

[padoc 1,703]

All we can say is ..."Holy Crap"!! We don't envy you two at all in this matter. Who knows what your son was thinking when he set up the camera and who really knows what he is thinking now. 14 is such a highly charged age in many ways and how this incident will effect his further development is anybody's guess. We are not generally big believers in counseling, figuring that most adults should be able to solve their own problems but in this case, I think you'll need some outside help and fast. Good luck!

[Chicup 41]

I think this is an extremely serious problem.

 

It will vary child to child but 14 is a very hard time sexually for a boy. Things are changing fast, your emotions are messed up, and you are going from boy-man.

 

I recall when I was 14, I once saw an thing on 'real people' (remember that show) where a guy was a nude model for an all female art class. As stupid as this sounds now, I was mortified this guy would do this, I thought it was wrong and humiliating for the man. As I said I was 14. Anyways I can't even BEGIN to imagine how I would feel seeing my mother get nailed by 4 guys while my dad jerked off. It would have been devastating. I even would have questioned my own paternity.

 

You have taken the most sacred person in a childs life, his mother, and basically made her into a whore. I'm not saying this as MY judgement but the feelings of a 14 year old.

 

This isn't the usual its "not their business" what you do in bed, he saw what you do (and don't believe for a moment it was accidentally recorded, it doesn't work that way).

 

Depending on your son this might even require counseling.

[ncmd_couple 597]

Our kids are all in their 20s now.

 

I would kick my son’s ass, verbally, if not physically.

 

Ok, here are the technical issues. You have to download a program to your den PC that runs and detects movement and then records everything it has seen for 3 minutes prior to the movement, and then everything after as long as movement continues. I have such a program because we were having office thefts several years ago, turned out to be a security guard.

 

So….

 

1. Your PC won’t “accidentally” do this.

2. Your son had to download the software, after paying $35 for it, and then install it on your PC

3. Then, he had to go and review the video.

 

Yeap, the two of you have been busted. But you need to deal with your son’s violation of your privacy, and have a very, very long talk with him. You have a mess on your hands. Good luck!

 

S

[LagniappeDC 313]

Our kids are younger, but agree with the general sentiment that in this day and age, with kids as tech savy as they are, you should assume that the camera was probably left on on purpose.

 

Unfortunately, in this day and age of sexting and you tube, you should probably assume that the video is "out there". You need to get on that computer ASAP and scan it thoroughly for that video. Heck, I'd just reformat the thing because who knows if it's been renamed etc. Same goes for any smart phones, thumb drives, external drives, etc.

 

As others have noted, sitting down and talking to your son needs to be a priority. Do it asap - tonight. More than anything, your son's mental health is critical. He needs to understand what was happening, why, and that you are still a loving couple and family. Follow that up with one on one conversations as well.

 

Only you will know if he would confide in his grandparents. If that is the case, you may need to preemptively have that conversation with them.

 

As you can imagine, every time you send him off to the gparents house, he will probably be thinking that you'll be engaged in the same activities. You should consider putting a halt to the gang bangs for a while...and ultimately, you need to consider having them in another place. For us, this would be a simple security issue. If you host a lot, you can't know all of these men very well and you never know when one decides to "stop by" or worse, become a stalker.

 

No judgement here on her activities, but you've gotten yourself into quite a mess and that's too bad because it sounds as if you were doing what makes you happy as a couple and all activities were legal.

[duo33470 15]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I'm noticing an odd smell in the air.

 

LM

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

 

Interesting. Thinking back to when I was that age, much as chicup said, I'd be mortified. I think showing a couple friends would be the absolute last thing I would do. I can't imagine even telling anyone what I'd witnessed.

 

So, with that being said, I have no freaking idea what is in your son's head right now. His actions appear to be the exact opposite of what mine would have been. Also, IMO, there is no damn way he "accidentally" recorded the action.

 

As to the previous post, I don't think LM was accusing you of getting caught on purpose. She referred to the thrill of "The thought of getting caught". Lots of folks get off on the possibility of being caught, but don't actually want to get caught.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well.

 

As a further thought on this: Your son may be a bit technologically savvy, but on a social level, he's apparently not very bright.

 

Any male that ever spent a week in school knows you NEVER give information to other teen boys that can be used against you. They will use this information to make his life a living hell the next four years. You think two teen boys are going to keep this info to themselves?

 

I really hope your son was smarter than that. If not, then you may be able to BS yourselves out of this situation yet.

[Chicup 41]

Ummm what sort of boy would show his friends videos of his mother getting gang banged?

 

Fourteen is the age of the mother joke. I play online games and if someone says something about 'your mother' you know hes about 13-16.

 

I'm....really having a hard time with this.

[Swing*8701 887]

If this is legit. Delete the files from your computer. I'd go so far as to have the hard drive wipe and encrypted over.I would have a serious discussion with him about looking for trouble. Then what you tell him you love him, that you both have done something foolish. Then what happens, happens. It all depends in how he processed it.

 

Then, if you ever do anything like this again, do it at a hotel.

 

I do think it's odd that you are worried about the neighbors. Good luck.

 

BTW-- Your other posts range from broken condoms to other bad experiences. Methinks thou dost protest too much.

[dlflorida 52]

I am speechless

 

What a nightmare

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The lessons to be taken from this for all...

 

If there's a camera (including a webcam) in the room where you are having sex, make sure it is turned off or covered.

 

If there is a computer in the room where you are having sex, turn it off.

 

I tend to agree with Edison Carter on erasing the files, the only question I would have is would it do any good. If he's that tech savvy to have recorded it while he was away from from, did he also stream it to his friends and others live on the internet? Is it already uploaded to websites across the world?

 

Sounds like a long talk with the kid is in order.

[YZF 8]

At 14, a kid sees everything regarding sex as "cool" and it is quite possible that his friends recieved a video file. Hopefully it will stay among his friends and not trickle down to his parents.

[AskMeOk 148]

This is a huge conjunction of errors or more is here than is obvious.

 

1) How could the camera be positioned precisely at the one place in the house that sex would be taking place.... capturing not only the "action" but you off to the side masturbating?

 

2) Everybody is performing in front of the camera with the "live camera" light on and nobody... *nobody* notices?

 

3)How could this have been captured? I'm assuming Junior left on Friday PM and Returned Sunday PM... do you have *any* idea how BIG that file would have to be?

 

4) Was it beamed off site? Are you folks on YouTube, yet?

 

5) This is...... odd......

[Swing*8701 887]

And none of those guys looks over at a computer that is open and wonders what is going on ? Hmmmmmmmmmm

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Dear Penthouse,

[timswife28 16]

Almost guaranteed that an adult outside of the swing community gets wind of this...child services will be in your home faster than you can say "we didn't know it was filming us." That possibility is very real. Teenage boys are braggers and there is no doubt that someone in authority will hear about this and take action. You really need to be aggressive in open communications with your son. What about the other children in the home? Has he told them? If not now, he will. Man, this sucks. I hope you are able keep the ripple effect to a minimum.

[turnuptheheat 98]

If he did show it to others, you are outed to the entire High School.

Serious talk and perhaps relocation depending on your situation.

This is the worst case situation I could imagine.

Your son will likely be a victim in this as kids can be cruel and eventually, he will be known as "the son of that slut in the video everyone saw"

Sorry to sound so crass, but if the genie is out of the bottle, you ain't getting it back in...

[Lascivious L&L 866]

I have to disagree with Two. I do understand why your son would show the video to his friends. He's trying to wrap his head around what happened and who else can he go to but friends? He chose them over his grandparents and you.

 

I can also understand that your son is both freaked out and sexually turned on. He may try to deny to himself how he could be turned on by watching his mother get fucked. Porn is extensively available, so he may already have a set of turn ons sexually for his masturbation. This will challenge him in a way porn never could, because it's real, it's live, and it's his mother.

 

This can blow up and involve legal issues if you don't rein it in right away. First you have to reach your son with love, understanding, and compassion and get him to understand that this is yours and no one elses. It won't be easy. May this be an opportunity for family understanding rather than a millstone around your neck!

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

 

Well I would start by taking away the computer and cam for sure! He needs to know that you are the adults and he is the child....crossing the line is a huge "no no"! I would tell him that this is a moment in his life where he can choose to act mature or not, but there should be consequences for sharing this with his friends!

 

Ps. I would also remind him that sharing such a video with his UNDER-AGED friends is a crime!

[Guest mysticon]

I may be completely off base about this one, but I'm wondering if there could be another reason behind him showing the video to friends. Is there any reason to believe he was upset with either of you, before the incident with the webcam? Could showing the video to friends be a way to get back at you for something else? The reason I'm wondering... I could understand him confiding in a couple of friends he's really close with and trusts, but it's really strange that he would be showing the video to people. A 14 year old would have at least some understanding, of societal views concering this kind of thing; and how someone would be looked at and treated if they were found out. Even if these were friends he really trusts, he didn't have any concerns over them telling anyone else what they saw, or the reactions he might face at school if they did tell someone? I can't see too many 14 year olds who would be able, to keep this kind of thing to themselves. Showing the video to people is just what's really throwing me, what person that age wants to risk being ostracized?

[mxmcouple 15]

My wife and I were arrested (along with twenty other couples) one night at an off-premise club. The next morning after we bailed ourselves out, we had to call our son to come and pick us up at the jail and take us back to the club to pick up the car.

 

We thanked him and he went on his way. That was 15 years ago and neither him nor us have ever mentioned it.

 

Somethings are best left unsaid.

[DiscreetDesires 32]

My wife and I were arrested (along with twenty other couples) one night at an off-premise club. The next morning after we bailed ourselves out, we had to call our son to come and pick us up at the jail and take us back to the club to pick up the car.

 

We thanked him and he went on his way. That was 15 years ago and neither him nor us have ever mentioned it.

 

Somethings are best left unsaid.

 

 

I know this is off topic of the original post, but why were y'all arrested at a club?

All of the clubs here in our area are private members only and most are BYOB. Never heard of anyone getting arrested at a on or off-premise club.

[Swing*8701 887]

My wife and I were arrested (along with twenty other couples) one night at an off-premise club. The next morning after we bailed ourselves out, we had to call our son to come and pick us up at the jail and take us back to the club to pick up the car.

 

We thanked him and he went on his way. That was 15 years ago and neither him nor us have ever mentioned it.

 

Somethings are best left unsaid.

 

Never heard of a taxi ? -- Edison

[justinandtricia 23]

We have talked with our son and have discovered he has shown this video to a couple of friends as well. This really sucks. Not exactly sure what to do at this point. One of the boys was 16 and the other 17

 

Well at this point, I think a piece of wood with elastic properties and his bare ass are in order. Seriously, if my kids did some shit like this, I would beat the holy hell out of them, then send them to therapy. Nosey little shits.

[AskMeOk 148]

Well at this point, I think a piece of wood with elastic properties and his bare ass are in order. Seriously, if my kids did some shit like this, I would beat the holy hell out of them, then send them to therapy. Nosey little shits.

 

OK, kids are naturally nosey, so no real foul there.

 

Discovering Mom and Dad are normally (OK, that's arguable) sexual may require treatment with a course of children's strength mind bleach.

 

Going straight to their ass will work with some kids, but the real lesson here is Parent Respect Child. Punishment is in order, but......

 

..... in all likelihood, this whole dramatic event is fiction.

[justinandtricia 23]

lol, i can understand "accidentally" leaving a webcam on, but showing all your friends. that would have been the straw that broke the camels back. I mean at 14 years old I had no desire what-so-ever to catch my parents doing anything. (shudders) So i couldnt imagine what was going thru this kids head when he not only watched it, but showed it to his friends.

[tscncpl4fun34 15]

"accidently leaving the web cam on" now a few things need to be looked at about this statement. 1) was the computer a laptop? if it was then it is possible that the cam was left on with out anyone knowing it. 2)was the computer a desk top? if it was then i would have to say yes it was left on deliberatly, if not intentionaly. 3) not saying hosting your own parties is a bad thing but junior and company are going to eventually figure out somethings amiss when they keep getting sent over to grandma and grandpa for the weekend, so it could be he left the cam on to see why they were being sent away. 4) how did he know to keep the cam going in the den? assuming, like every other kid, he has his own computer why did he pick this particular one? 5) exactly how big is yer den that ya have a bed in it? and why? and do you keep the bed in there at all times?? Kids are naturaly curious and my guess at 14yo he is wondering why there is a bed in there, or do you have a pull out couch?? Just my take on this whole debachel.....good luck with what ever you decide

 

[LFM2 1,482]

Interesting. Thinking back to when I was that age, much as chicup said, I'd be mortified. I think showing a couple friends would be the absolute last thing I would do. I can't imagine even telling anyone what I'd witnessed.

 

I'm so with two4youinswva. Why would a 14 year old boy want to view his parents having sex much less think about it. Holy hell, I'd be in therapy if I ever seen my parents having sex. I knew they were sexual people, but at 14, nobody wants to even think they *had* sex.

 

Ummm what sort of boy would show his friends videos of his mother getting gang banged

I'm....really having a hard time with this.

 

I'm also with Chicup. My kids are all in their twenties. If my 14 year old did this, and believe me, I think he did it on purpose, if he happened to view your session, and then he showed two other boys, I'd be kickin some ass.

 

I'm having a hard time with this. d

[ncmd_couple 597]

I don’t want to rain on my fellow parent’s parade, but you can’t look at this from the same viewpoint that you had when you were a teenager. The world is a very different place for your teenagers than it was for us. I came to realize that more strongly when my son started coming of age. He talked to me honestly, when my daughters did not, they talked to their mom, I hope.

 

Granted, my insight was some 11 years ago, but if what kids were doing and experimenting with sexually compared to when I was doing at the same age is a valid reference. It is even more different today than it was back in the early 70s.

 

I honestly believe this youngster had very strong suspicions as to what was going on, or knew for a fact. I also believe that he, in concert with “his buddies,” did this intentionally and that the buddies knew he was doing it in advance. I would not be surprised if they worked on it together to make it happen. And I would not be surprised if this was not the first time that the “webcam” just happened to be “accidentally” left on.

 

Parents, you are doing yourself a disservice if you try to view your children through the lens of your views when you were that age. Because that lens will blind you to the truth until it smacks ya’ in the face. This is the same advice I give my daughters about their children when it is appropriate. Of course, advice is what you paid for it hahaha.

 

Good luck!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

The world is a very different place for your teenagers than it was for us. I came to realize that more strongly when my son started coming of age.

 

I agree that it is a different place than it was for us, and they are more sexually aware.

 

However, I think they still have the exact same types of insecurities most of us had as teenagers. I have a good bit of interaction with teenage boys, and they are still as vicious now as we were then if they get some damning information they can use on one of their peers. One boy finds out that Timmy's mom was in a gang bang video, and it will haunt Timmy until he leaves for college, out of state. "Hey Timmy! Tell your mom me and the boys will be over around 10 on Saturday night!" This, of course, is shouted as the school hallway is filled with students.

 

Yeah, they're more savvy than we were at that age, just as we were more savvy than our parents. The fear and loathing of being called out, or being the butt of an ongoing, epic joke? Very much the same now as then.

[xxxboxy 139]

this one is just odd...any way you look at it.

[rounder 17]

Maybe he just wants to be invited to join the party next time.