Are Swingers becoming a Sex Side Show at Swingers Clubs?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Many of you know that I am connected to a large Swingers Club here in Las Vegas. I also handle the web site and the email for the club. We are noticing something that is becoming a bit disturbing.

 

Today alone I received three emails asking if there is a room in the club where they can just watch others have sex. The surprising part is the emails today came from Two Couples and One Single women.

 

I started thinking back and realized that I have been getting A LOT of these type emails in the last year. I keep ALL email that I have ever received so I decided to review this subject a bit.

 

I am averaging 11 of these emails PER WEEK! Very few of them are from single men. MOST of them are from COUPLES. Some from Single women. I found a total of 574 of them in my saved email for the club from the last 12 months.

 

About half of them stated they are NOT SWINGERS. The other half did not state if they are Swingers or not. About 10% of them stated they are "new to this" and this their way of checking things out.

 

Are Swingers becoming nothing more then a cheap sex side show for the rest of the world?

[PB&J 1,086]

The last time we went to a Toronto club I was surprised by how many men AND women were just standing around and watching the action instead of participating. I don't know what they're getting out of it, but it doesn't inspire me to rush back there to put on a show for them again.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Today alone I received three emails asking if there is a room in the club where they can just watch others have sex.

.............................................

 

About half of them stated they are NOT SWINGERS. The other half did not state if they are Swingers or not. About 10% of them stated they are "new to this" and this their way of checking things out.

 

How do you handle these emails Lee? Do you tell them to come on in, or stay away if you're only a looky-loo?

 

I believe that if this is the trend, it won't be long before on-premises clubs will be just people wanting to watch, and those looking to actually swing will resort to house parties and such. That is, unless some rules are dropped into place.

[largenlovinit 15]

I know that when my husband and I were getting into swinging we discussed going to a club and see how we felt about it, seeing people having sex. In the end we had our first experience with another couple, just having sex in the same room, no swapping.

 

Our reasoning behind it was we felt that if someone was going to freak out and want to back out, then no one had done anything and no one would feel like they were cheated on.

 

Also I have a close friend who just likes watching. eh, everybody has there thing.

[dodgechevy 149]

seems like an easy fix would be private areas. every club/house party we've ever been too had them.

 

that way the only ones giving the show are the exhibitionists.

 

plus i would have to guess that most beginners just go to look in the beginning.

 

-v

[DiscreetDesires 32]

I don't necessarily believe that this is a new thing or a trend.

While a full swap couple is the majority of the lifestyle, there are many other "groups" of people who make up the lifestyle as a whole.

Voyeurs, Exhibitionists, BDSM, same room sex only couples, girl/girl only and soft swap.

There are many variations, and one chooses what it right for them.

 

I do believe however, that most people that are interested in the lifestyle genuinely want to check it all out before taking the plunge. They visit a club and see what it's all about.. to see if it's a turn on for them in reality rather than just fantasy.

 

There are some couples that who choose never to actually swap partners, but going to a club and being in the non-judgemental sexy atmosphere brings a deeper passion to their marriage bed.

 

I think there is room for everyone.. but that's just me.

[VegasLee 1,486]

While a full swap couple is the majority of the lifestyle,

 

I would be interested in how you conclude that statement.

 

We have one of the largest attendance of any place in the country. Avg. of 1000 people each week. We have been to 100's of conventions and traveled all over the country going to clubs. We also talk to other clubs on a regular basis.

 

In the "Lifestyle" today, people going to clubs and hitting the major conventions 50% to 60% of the people don't ever swap with anyone. They are there to see and go play by their self.

 

Now there are a few clubs that foster a different type atmosphere so you will get many full swap or those that are looking to play with the single guys, we get that also but most of the time MOST of the people at the parties don't ever don't ever have sex with anyone other then their spouse.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

At the club north of us, one room has a woindow whose Venitian blind can be drawn closed or open. My wife and I opened the blind and had wild passionate sex. Dozens of people rushed the door demanding a refund

 

Our experience is limited, only five years, but our casual observation is that the proportion at clubs who want to see and be seen rather than to meet, greet and swap meat is growing.

[Chicup 41]

I'm going to guess its more due to the sample size and in part your location.

 

Vegas has gone back to 'Sin City' as a theme for one thing, so people will want to see that sort of thing, though they wouldn't think to even look for a place like that in their home town.

 

Another possible factor:

 

I saw a study once that said something like 2% of the population are swingers. I think that number is on the low side when it comes to FWB and the like but lets say somewhere between 1-2% are place adds go to club type swingers, maybe even less. The % of people who are 'near' swingers or want to kinda get dirty without being swingers is going to be greater.

 

With the internet allowing greater access to clubs and the like, you may have made it easier for people to become swingers but you also opened the door for the lookers too.

 

Now lets say you have 1000 people with 2% swingers and 10% lookers. We have 20 swingers and 100 lookers/wannabes. Hard to find the swingers but manageable. Added in the past it would be harder for those lookers (they would have to be braver without the net) to get to a club in the first place.

 

Now lets say today you have 10000 people interested because of the net. You have 200 swingers and 1000 lookers. Same ratio but the feeling is a lot more lookers than swingers. Its a perception thing. You could go to a club and only run into lookers (been there).

 

I'm a bit saddened that swinging does not seem to be increasing in numbers, despite it being so easy to hook up. I'd say the only real increase I've seen based on adds is in the urban black community. Looking through the adds now seem no more than their were 10 years ago, and we see the same people a LOT.

[sahajacpl 95]

Now there are a few clubs that foster a different type atmosphere so you will get many full swap or those that are looking to play with the single guys, we get that also but most of the time MOST of the people at the parties don't ever don't ever have sex with anyone other then their spouse.

 

Perhaps, a reflection on the whole society. More watchers than those who actually play and swap mates with another couple/s for enjoyment of recreational sex.

 

[socolais 696]

I think this is one of the significant reasons we like house parties, "lookers" are overwhelmingly out numbered.

[VegasLee 1,486]

How do you handle these emails Lee? Do you tell them to come on in, or stay away if you're only a looky-loo?

 

If they tell me they are not swingers and not looking to become a swingers I advise them that we are not there to provide them with their cheap thrills and suggest they find some other place to visit.

 

If they do say they are "new" and checking out the Lifestyle I do a couple of things. One is telling them Swingers are not a side show. How would they feel knowing that everyone else there was just there to watch them have sex?

 

Most often when someone "new" writes to me I send them a link to Swingers Board. Honestly, as a host it is my job to see people are comfortable with what goes on at the party but it is not my job there to teach them to be a swinger. When you deal with 800 to 1000 people each week you really don't have time to be a mentor to a lot of those people. We will do what we can buy if they get in touch on line I send them here. There is years of great advise here and they should check it out.

 

If they don't tell me I try to read what I can in their email and go the best way I can. I tell all, use manners, keep your comments to your self and give people space.

 

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

 

We have private rooms so those that want to get away from the "watchers" can go there. In the couples only area we have cured the problem also. You can be in the couples only lounge area with your clothes on. If you want to go into the couples only play area you MUST be naked. That has cut the viewing problem way down. For a while it got to the point that we would have one or two couples playing and TWENTY couples standing fully clothed watching and crowding around. No more of that. Seems that many of the watching crowd won't take their clothes off. Now you will have a few couples playing and one or two watching. Seems to work much better.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

If they tell me they are not swingers and not looking to become a swingers I advise them that we are not there to provide them with their cheap thrills and suggest they find some other place to visit.

 

If they do say they are "new" and checking out the Lifestyle I do a couple of things. One is telling them Swingers are not a side show. How would they feel knowing that everyone else there was just there to watch them have sex?

 

Most often when someone "new" writes to me I send them a link to Swingers Board. Honestly, as a host it is my job to see people are comfortable with what goes on at the party but it is not my job there to teach them to be a swinger. When you deal with 800 to 1000 people each week you really don't have time to be a mentor to a lot of those people. We will do what we can buy if they get in touch on line I send them here. There is years of great advise here and they should check it out.

 

If they don't tell me I try to read what I can in their email and go the best way I can. I tell all, use manners, keep your comments to your self and give people space.

 

Sounds like you handle it in the best way possible.

 

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

That's got to be in my Top 5 of "Things That Piss Me Off".

 

We have private rooms so those that want to get away from the "watchers" can go there. In the couples only area we have cured the problem also. You can be in the couples only lounge area with your clothes on. If you want to go into the couples only play area you MUST be naked. That has cut the viewing problem way down. For a while it got to the point that we would have one or two couples playing and TWENTY couples standing fully clothed watching and crowding around. No more of that. Seems that many of the watching crowd won't take their clothes off. Now you will have a few couples playing and one or two watching. Seems to work much better.

I like this as well.

[DiscreetDesires 32]

Seems at times we find people that like to watch also feel the need to make comments and try to get the players instructions. When we hear/see this going on we tend to escort those folks to the front door and advise them where a good Adult DVD store is.

 

This is one of the main reasons we do not go into the voyeur room very often. Nothing is worse when you are in a good groove and you hear the onlookers talking about everything under the sun!

Come on people.. be a little quieter, and enjoy the show if you want, but keep the mood sexy and not about baseball or what you are doing the next day!

 

The one thing that we do like about the clubs here in the Houston area, is that single men aren't allowed on Saturday nights. No if's and's but's.. so the whole place is filled mostly with couples or single females.

Single males are allowed in every other night, but are still limited in their entry into the VIP areas and must be invited.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Vegas has gone back to 'Sin City' as a theme for one thing, so people will want to see that sort of thing, though they wouldn't think to even look for a place like that in their home town.

 

And might even boycott or try to get closed. Hypocrisy reigns.

 

As for a trend. I would ask a couple question.

Is the number of emails increasing over the year. From say 2-3 a week last year to 15-20 now?

Is the percentage increase similar to your increase in email from those truly interested in visiting for swinging?

 

It would be great if you could share that if you decide to spend the time to figure it out. Don't blame you if you don't want to waste the time.

 

If they are increasing at a faster rate than legit email then yeah you may be seeing a trend, but if the data sets show similar increase, it doesn't look like a trend to me. Maybe just noticing the shear numbers more.

 

I also think there could be some reasons if there is a trend. When I was in a college fraternity I never heard of throwing a sex party, let alone went to one or throw one. But it appears that is more common now talking to some younger people. I can't really imagine paying some one to come have sex at a party so everyone could watch them, but it appears to be an increasing trend toward voyeurism. I assume they feel it will make the girls more willing to jump into bed with them or maybe even a few locals might join in, so they know who is willing to play.

 

And like Chicup said it is Vegas, what happens in Vegas.... well you know. I think people would be much more likely to go to a club in Vegas to watch for the simple reason they are in Vegas, they feel they have a license to be "bad". Just not too bad.

[VegasLee 1,486]

As for a trend. I would ask a couple question.

Is the number of emails increasing over the year. From say 2-3 a week last year to 15-20 now?

Is the percentage increase similar to your increase in email from those truly interested in visiting for swinging?

 

 

1. Yes, We are getting a great deal more email about just watching then in past years. I have been answering the email for 15 years and keep pretty good track of it. Up until about a year, year and a half very seldom did we ever receive email about just watching.

 

2. I am not receiving anymore "regular" type questions then I have in the past. To be honest, the total email in the last year has dropped about 15% from the year before. That could be that many more are taking a bit more time and reading the web site and our forums we have there rather then sending email for common questions that are already answered on the web site.

 

Kind of funny, received three more today. One guy that says he is not a swinger and his wife does not want to have sex anymore so he wants to come watch others have sex.

 

The other two said they are coming to town and just want to see "live sex" but are not swingers.

 

Part could be the Vegas factor, that I will agree with but the number of people wanting to watch is getting pretty high.

 

I love the nights we have a "no clothes" type dress code or even "swim suits or less" type dress code. Gets rid of 99.9% of the watchers. Watchers won't get naked.

[Newpants 21]

Baseball is the national pastime right? Everyone loves baseball. Everyone has played baseball or softball to one degree or another.

 

Now go to any baseball game whether it is an 8 year old pee-wee game or the last game of the World Series- how many people are actually playing the game vs how many people are watching?

 

Take a porn movie, how may people are in the movie having sex vs how many people end up watching the movie?

 

How many people in the world are tittilated by swinging and group sex and fantasize about it and watch it in porn vs those that have actually ever participated in it?

 

Millions of people fantasize about it and many people find it intriguing but the vast vast majority will never get past the fantasy stage. Many people do not allow themselves to even dream about it becoming a reality. Many people will never allow themselves to think of themselves as swingers just as people dream of being a major league baseball player but never even suit up and walk out onto the field of the local community league.

 

They just sit on the sidelines watch others do it.

[good times 991]

From what we have seen this has become a big problem at the local clubs. In fact so much so, that actual swingers are not going to the clubs as much as they used to, that includes us. We used to go to a local clubs at least 3 or 4 times a month, now days we don't even average once a month. The reason for that is that we want to go to the club to meet other swingers, And most of the people attending now days are not. We end up wasting a lot of time getting to know folks only to find out at some point that they are just there to watch, not participate. The result, most of the swingers we know are pretty much staying away from the clubs, and when they do go, they do not go with the expectation that they are going to meet other swingers like they used to.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Baseball is the national pastime right? Everyone loves baseball. Everyone has played baseball or softball to one degree or another.

 

Now go to any baseball game whether it is an 8 year old pee-wee game or the last game of the World Series- how many people are actually playing the game vs how many people are watching?

 

Take a porn movie, how may people are in the movie having sex vs how many people end up watching the movie?

 

How many people in the world are tittilated by swinging and group sex and fantasize about it and watch it in porn vs those that have actually ever participated in it?

 

Millions of people fantasize about it and many people find it intriguing but the vast vast majority will never get past the fantasy stage. Many people do not allow themselves to even dream about it becoming a reality. Many people will never allow themselves to think of themselves as swingers just as people dream of being a major league baseball player but never even suit up and walk out onto the field of the local community league.

 

They just sit on the sidelines watch others do it.

 

Most of your examples are comparing apples to oranges.

 

If you did not have fan's watching, you would not have pro baseball players.

 

If you did not have people buying porn DVD's and watching, you would not have people making porn.

 

Swingers do not need fans or viewers to still be Swingers. Swingers have got a long just fine with out "watchers" for about 50 years now.

 

As Good Times stated, many of the SWINGERS have stopped coming to the clubs because they are tired of the group that is just looking for a cheap Sex Side show.

[divenaked 325]

We have noticed the change in behavior as well. There is a well known on-premise club in Nashville that we won't attend anymore because for every couple playing there are 15 couples watching. Our local social is..however...just about wide open.

[Newpants 21]

Most of your examples are comparing apples to oranges.

 

If you did not have fan's watching, you would not have pro baseball players.

 

If you did not have people buying porn DVD's and watching, you would not have people making porn.

 

Swingers do not need fans or viewers to still be Swingers. Swingers have got a long just fine with out "watchers" for about 50 years now.

 

As Good Times stated, many of the SWINGERS have stopped coming to the clubs because they are tired of the group that is just looking for a cheap Sex Side show.

 

Man, I wish I could completely agree with you but I'm not so sure. Could your club and many other clubs really keep their doors open without the watchers and the tire-kickers?

 

If you made it a rule that only people with a documented pedigree of fullswap swinging could enter the building and that everyone HAD to have some kind of sexual contact and could not simply be a spectator at any point, would you be able to keep your club operating to the degree that it is now?

 

Would the REAL swingers be able to keep you in your current building and with the current amenities that you have now if there weren't a stream of spectators and tire-kickers coming through the door every night?

 

I'm sure you could make it work but how much would you have to scale back and down size?

 

In all honesty we are in exactly the same boat as Good Times. We used to hit the clubs weekly and traveled far and wide to attend a wide variety of them. We have been to a club ONCE this year and that is because some good friends were hosting a party and twisted our arm. I agree completely with GT.

 

However I have known a number of people that started up clubs and all of them said it was going to be a haven for the "real swingers" but in a matter of months they had to let the flood gates open and let in anyone that would pay the cover just to keep the doors open.

 

I hope you are right and that the real swingers can take back some of the clubs but just like the pro baseball players can only play in the big fancy stadium if the wathers are paying to watch.

[good times 991]

Our local social is..however...just about wide open.

Interesting.

 

In our area their have always been a few on-premise clubs, and the occasional house party, but up until recently their were no off premise parties. Then about a year ago a group of local swingers started hosting a party about once a month, usually a vanilla bar takeover type thing. It has become so successful that on one of their party nights they will get three times more swingers attending than the clubs get on their best nights. The local clubs have noticed this of course, and so a couple of them have gotten together with this group to have them host party nights at their on-premise clubs, the thought being that if this group has such a good following they could take advantage of this to boost club attendance.

 

Unfortunately for them, when this group hosts a party at one of the clubs they get almost no attendance, and no more people show up than the club gets on any other night. They can't seem to figure it out, in fact, when I have asked the party hosts why they thought this was, they said that they thought it was just because the people that are coming to their parties do not like the clubs. The problem is I have been involved in the swinging community here for a lot longer than they have, and I see the same faces at their parties as we used to see every week at the clubs a few years ago. So the cause of this seems pretty obvious to me. When they have parties in a vanilla setting, their is nothing for anyone to watch, so the watchers stay away. On the other hand, when they host a party at an on-premise club, they have the same problem that is making the real swingers stay away from the clubs in the first place.

 

I have found it interesting that their biggest parties so far have been when they went to a night club where their were regular vanilla people at the club at the same time, so everyone has to be on good behavior and act like vanillas. When they have a party at one of these venues they tell everyone ahead of time that nothing sexual, and no nudity will be allowed at the party.

[good times 991]

Could your club and many other clubs really keep their doors open without the watchers and the tire-kickers?

I think they could very easily, as most of the swingers I know would go to such a club in a second. Additionally, their are a few clubs I know of who have been successful at this. Unfortunately, it is really hard for a clubs management to implement this type of thing. The clubs I know of that do it now's methods don't seem to me to be applicable to many clubs. I would think it would be very difficult to eliminate the watchers without also eliminating the newbies.

[Newpants 21]

Interesting.

 

In our area their have always been a few on-premise clubs, and the occasional house party, but up until recently their were no off premise parties. Then about a year ago a group of local swingers started hosting a party about once a month, usually a vanilla bar takeover type thing. It has become so successful that on one of their party nights they will get three times more swingers attending than the clubs get on their best nights. The local clubs have noticed this of course, and so a couple of them have gotten together with this group to have them host party nights at their on-premise clubs, the thought being that if this group has such a good following they could take advantage of this to boost club attendance.

 

Unfortunately for them, when this group hosts a party at one of the clubs they get almost no attendance, and no more people show up than the club gets on any other night. They can't seem to figure it out, in fact, when I have asked the party hosts why they thought this was, they said that they thought it was just because the people that are coming to their parties do not like the clubs. The problem is I have been involved in the swinging community here for a lot longer than they have, and I see the same faces at their parties as we used to see every week at the clubs a few years ago. So the cause of this seems pretty obvious to me. When they have parties in a vanilla setting, their is nothing for anyone to watch, so the watchers stay away. On the other hand, when they host a party at an on-premise club, they have the same problem that is making the real swingers stay away from the clubs in the first place.

 

I have found it interesting that their biggest parties so far have been when they went to a night club where their were regular vanilla people at the club at the same time, so everyone has to be on good behavior and act like vanillas. When they have a party at one of these venues they tell everyone ahead of time that nothing sexual, and no nudity will be allowed at the party.

 

We have seen the same thing in our area as well. The actual lifestyle club attendence has taken a nose dive as the informal meet/greets taking place in vanilla clubs has gone up.

 

I had a real long talk about this with a couple owners of a well established club and their thoughts were that the internet and the talk shows and magazine articles have all brought out a whole new generation of dreamers that are titilated by the thought of swingers and swinging but they don't have the balls to actually jump in do it themselves and they can't bring themselves OR THEIR WIFE to actually consider themselves real swingers so they go to these informal lifestyle/vanilla hybrid parties where the gals can dance and titty rub on each other but noone has to actually label themselves a swinger.

 

I don't know if it is because they are going to that because there are no watchers but rather they are going to it because so many people can't actually think of themselves as swingers and don't want to label themselves by going into an actual "swingers club".

[Newpants 21]

I think they could very easily, as most of the swingers I know would go to such a club in a second. Additionally, their are a few clubs I know of who have been successful at this. Unfortunately, it is really hard for a clubs management to implement this type of thing. The clubs I know of that do it now's methods don't seem to me to be applicable to many clubs. I would think it would be very difficult to eliminate the watchers without also eliminating the newbies.

 

I am sure it can be done and most likely is being done all over. The real issue isn't can it be done, the question is can it be done and be done well and still have it be economically viable?

 

I wish I was wrong but I think that the number of wannabes, dreamers, cheating husbands, fakes, voyeurs, people who are just there for the party/dancing/titty-rubbing and even the sincere newbies make up the majority of that which we call "the lifestyle".

 

I have no proof or numbers to back it up, I'm just going off of gut instinct but as you look around a club, or the hook-up sites, the informal meet/greets and even some of the larger houseparties, most of the people are not true fullswap swingers. And even the ones that do occasionally pull off a full swap now and then many of those are not active and hitting the venues very often or for an ongoing length of time.

 

Many of our old friends from back in the day are either retired from swinging, divorced or are more armchair swingers than active anymore (heck for that matter do you think I'd be able to write this much if we were out swinging???)

 

If a club doesn't cater to the newbies and the wannabes they are going to have a real uphill battle because that is where the numbers are.

[VegasLee 1,486]

In our case, yes we could stay where we are and keep it going. 28 years and going strong.

 

Would we change it, No, Mike and Chris keep the doors open to everyone that does not cause trouble. Be it a voyeur or a Swinger. That is how it has always been and always will be.

 

We know we have Big nights and Great nights. They are not one in the same. Big nights have 300+ people. Great nights are the ones with a dress code of little to no clothing and "most" of the voyeurs are not there on those nights. Most Voyeurs will not get out of their street clothes.

 

Some of our major parities with a dress code will equal the other big nights with lots of people. Other times only 60 to 80 people. Makes for a good Swingers party but not as big of numbers.

 

We are at the point those we don't "need" the big numbers. It has never been about the big numbers or the Money with Mike, Chris, Laura or I. The bills are paid and we are all happy.

 

We all still wish it was more like the "old days" and more about swinging but to do that we would have to start judging people and what they want out of this Lifestyle and that is something we won't do.

 

There are clubs that have been around for years though that have a required dress code of close to wearing nothing and they are still going strong but most of the "new crowd" won't attend them. They are not dying out or going away though because they have done it right for many years.

 

You are right that Most clubs today would not be able to do it. They are not in the same restitution as we are with over head and such. They have to have ever increasing numbers to keep the doors open. We don't.

[divenaked 325]

Interesting.

 

In our area their have always been a few on-premise clubs, and the occasional house party, but up until recently their were no off premise parties. Then about a year ago a group of local swingers started hosting a party about once a month, usually a vanilla bar takeover type thing. It has become so successful that on one of their party nights they will get three times more swingers attending than the clubs get on their best nights. The local clubs have noticed this of course, and so a couple of them have gotten together with this group to have them host party nights at their on-premise clubs, the thought being that if this group has such a good following they could take advantage of this to boost club attendance.

 

Unfortunately for them, when this group hosts a party at one of the clubs they get almost no attendance, and no more people show up than the club gets on any other night. They can't seem to figure it out, in fact, when I have asked the party hosts why they thought this was, they said that they thought it was just because the people that are coming to their parties do not like the clubs. The problem is I have been involved in the swinging community here for a lot longer than they have, and I see the same faces at their parties as we used to see every week at the clubs a few years ago. So the cause of this seems pretty obvious to me. When they have parties in a vanilla setting, their is nothing for anyone to watch, so the watchers stay away. On the other hand, when they host a party at an on-premise club, they have the same problem that is making the real swingers stay away from the clubs in the first place.

 

I have found it interesting that their biggest parties so far have been when they went to a night club where their were regular vanilla people at the club at the same time, so everyone has to be on good behavior and act like vanillas. When they have a party at one of these venues they tell everyone ahead of time that nothing sexual, and no nudity will be allowed at the party.

We used to have our socials at a local bar (hosted as a private party), but that eventually slowed down due more to location than any other reason. We now are hosted by a private person who rents the ballroom at a hotel. The club itself is a non-profit, all volunteer group of people who love to have fun. When I say the socials can get "wide open", I mean it!

[Trace Ekies 186]

We feel, based on our experience, that there is a huge group out there that call themselves swingers but just want to be close to swinging.

 

I'm not really taking a shot at these people but we've been to many parties and these same people always seem to be there and at the end of the night retire to their room or leave alone...

 

This is not scientific...just a general observation based on our 3.5 years of experience and the many broken dates.

 

Trace

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This was one of those things I addressed in the Swinger Manual (what didn't I address), as it was something we noticed a year or so ago as a trend even on here of couples wanting to just go and watch.

 

What's always bugged me is the number of couples who go to the clubs just to watch then complain that there's nothing to watch. Well why do you think that is?

[DarkVoyuer 15]

 

Millions of people fantasize about it and many people find it intriguing but the vast vast majority will never get past the fantasy stage. Many people do not allow themselves to even dream about it becoming a reality. Many people will never allow themselves to think of themselves as swingers just as people dream of being a major league baseball player but never even suit up and walk out onto the field of the local community league.

 

They just sit on the sidelines watch others do it.

 

I agree with you. Some people do not want to pay the price. They understand swinging is not easy sex. It actually comes with consequences and based on my perception there is a lot of work that is involved. In response to your baseball analogy, I dream about being a football player. However, I am coward when it comes to physical pain. Thus, I refused to play football.

 

Watching on the sidelines is not a risk. Most people are afraid of risk.

[TwoAreLooking 58]

Another note: we're just kinda picky. We are looking forward to going to an on-site club. We are looking forward to wandering about scantily-clad. I've said it before: I am looking for strange baby, but not necessarily YOUR strange.

 

That said, we have done full-swap and it's fun and we WANT to go to club and hook up.

 

I think that this differentiates us from other club newbies, or newbies period.

 

As someone else said, this is not an easy choice or a get-laid-a-lot choice. I think that many swinger couples have had many of the difficult conversations that simply terrify other couples.

 

M.

[DarkVoyuer 15]

We feel, based on our experience, that there is a huge group out there that call themselves swingers but just want to be close to swinging.

 

I'm not really taking a shot at these people but we've been to many parties and these same people always seem to be there and at the end of the night retire to their room or leave alone...

 

This is not scientific...just a general observation based on our 3.5 years of experience and the many broken dates.

 

Trace

 

I am not sure if this viewpoint is correct but you may want to consider it. Perhaps many of these people who call themselves swingers but have not taking the plunge into swinging are couples who are slowly overcoming their fear of swinging. From my understanding, one major fear is jealousy.

[celtic239 297]

The few times we went to an on premise club we saw other couples having sex. I thought it was part of the learning curve in that my wife was able to see other "normal/average" couples having sexual fun and hopefully this would lessen her resistance to partaking in the Lifestyle.

[MN Tom 251]

Well, coming from the viewpoint of a newbie, watching I believe is the place where we would start.

 

And after reading many threads about first timers, it sounds like it's a good idea to start slow.

 

I don't take this as a license to use a club as a long term peep show though, I think it's moreso just a matter of comfort and also compatibility.

 

At this point I would put my wife and I into the "soft" category, neither of us is sure yet if we could go all the way or not. Fantasy isnt the same as reality, hard to judge if someone is really ready or not until the time comes.

 

I can very well see the points people are making about having too many watchers at a club, or not having a more private space where no watchers are allowed.

Personally I really like the idea of having the room where clothing is off. I imagine that would separate the "endless watchers" from those who actually are interested in more.

[Rivertour 51]

Easy answer is to create a voyeur's room. Anyone entering would probably be an exhibitionist and enjoy others watching. Have nameplates on all the doors for different types of activities. Bondage rooms, gay/lesbian, etc. Include private rooms for those who are not fond of lurkers. Personally I'd love a blacklight room where couples could go in to bodypaint and play.

[lardub 170]

Swingers like everything is changing the access to the lifestyle is easier and more couples are wetting their feet. With that you also have married men posing as singles and idiots running around the internet wasting time and generally pissing off couples by playing stupid games.

 

Do I sound bitter, I should cause we are just plain sick of the constant emails that lead no where, people who seem intelligent but are totally unable to comprehend the written word. It has gotten to the point where I have decided to stop being Mr nice and just say what it is I'm thinking, will it win me friends , doubt it, but it will get rid of the game players quicker.

 

When we attend a club now we go with no expectations except that we are going home with each other. I believe we have only been to a club once when we didn't have sex and that was due to the fact that single men that night were allowed in and a pack of guys following you masturbating was making the wife very uncomfortable. Perhaps we are very picky but unless we both have an attraction we will just have sex with each other, we are in this to enhance our sex life not to put notches on the bed post.

 

I can honestly say we aren't lookers as we stroll around naked and don't bother with the towels. Our biggest concern is HIV and other STDs as their is a large amount of bi males in our area and constant press releases that STDs are making a large comeback in our area in the male Bi/gay areas. This from a site catering to this demographic, the biggest eye opener is a local swingers club is actively attracting males from this site to attend on their nights when single men are allowed in, even giving a discounted entry fee when they use the name of the site.

 

All this is doing is giving married men who may have been looking for a blowjob from some other guy a venue to chase females, and then the wife will never know. So the next time you see a couple who seem to just be over cautious they may have a valid reason. Until we both agree on a couple and know their habits somewhat we will be rather happy to just sit back and watch for a bit.

[fastnick 15]

My wife and I love other people watching us have a good romp. She really gets into putting on a good show for the audience. I work overseas so becoming regulars at a local club is not an option. Our vacations are our only times for lifestyle adventures. If we can't hook up with a compatible couple or a single guy for a threesome when we visit an on-premise club, we'll show the spectators that middle aged horny people who are in love can have an amazing good time! We're off to Saint Matin in June.

[TheRedHalf 81]

My wife and I are looking into a club to visit and play with each other. We're doing this to become more comfortable in public. We're not sure where it will take us but the ride is half the fun.