Who have you told about your swinging activities?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We keep our private lives private. We have not told anyone in our family about our "hobby".

 

And we have only told 1 person outside the lifestyle about it.

 

The main reason we told him was to cover our tracks on the outside chance something happens to both of us at once. We don't want our families or children to find out by going through our computers after we are gone. We know they will go through them, as we have photos, personal info they will need on the computers.

 

So we looked for a friend that could 1) deal with our hobby without freaking out or change how he relates to us. 2) could keep his mouth shut 3) Was computer savvy enough to cover our tracks. 4) Our family knew and trusted.

 

So we confided in him, it was a very interesting conversation. Anyway, who have you told? Why? How did it go?

[cocpl2007 170]

We've not "told" anyone. However our "adult" children, and/or some ex-relatives found our ad on another site. We were confronted about it, and it didn't go well. BUT, we left it as "their" problem, not one we would ever again discuss with them. Curiously, the one who confronted us, in a very condescending manner... of course, as these things go... is the one who had a child before she was married. And her husband of 17 years has admitted to cheating on her. So, it is certainly understandable that she would be the most judgmental one! We're not sure any of the rest of the family, nor any of our friends care to know about our sexuality. We don't pry on theirs, nor do they on ours.

 

As for having someone we trust know about it, so that he/she can erase all this stuff after we're gone... not an issue for us, we'll be Dead! And besides we don't want our heirs killing themselves trying to "find" this stuff, it is right here!

 

We have had and still have a ball playing with other couples

[Learning 160]

We have told no one. Funny thing that we do is when we go on vacation we round up everything we own which is adult orientated and seal it in a box. We tape a note to it noting that this is adult personal stuff and they are to destroy it if we were to die. Yes we would be dead but heck I don't want to tarnish our memory for those left living because they just wouldn't understand.

[Trace Ekies 186]

We've told a number of people...one of her sisters and several of our friends...like most, we have a need to tell and have told a select group.

 

I hadn't considered the possibility of something happening to both of us and covering our tracks...I'll need to give it some thought.

 

Trace

[LFM2 1,482]

Maybe one person. I'm not really sure. One daughter found us on an internet site, so she knows, but other than her, nobody. I'm almost guessing that the one that we told has forgotten about it, since we haven't talked to her in years.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I could never bring myself to do something that I feel would tarnish the thoughts of my loved ones once I am dead and gone.

 

I have never understood how anyone can do something that would bring shame to them and their family if found out once they are dead.

[Brian and Jo 344]

All our family and most of our vanilla friends know we are nudists and have no problem with it. But we have kept the fact that we are also swingers a secret from them.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Interesting thought VegasLee.

 

First congratulations on having a family that clearly would understand better than ours.

 

But it goes beyond just that. If our lifestyle were to be public it could hurt those we love.

 

We have small children, if it were public, they could be the subject of ridicule.

I own my own business, which could be damaged by knowledge of our lifestyle. I hope that business carries on after me and gives my children a better life.

My family would likely be surprised but not shocked, I have always been the black sheep in the family, lol.

My in-laws on the other hand would be mortified and it would embarrass them. They are very very conventional.

I would like our lifestyle friends to know we are gone, so they don't wonder what happened to us. Some don't live close, so they may not know.

 

We maintain what we do in our private lives is just that, private. But we also realize that it could become public by accident. In life we have the opportunity to do damage control. In death we would have to rely on others that may not know how to do that for us.

 

The bottom line is we choose to think of them and their feelings. I guess we could take the approach that they should just "deal with it", but we chose not to.

 

Or we could take the approach that if anyone else might find it embarrassing to them, then we should not do it at all. That would make for a pretty boring life.

 

In fact, if I am not mistaken, you income is based in the swing lifestyle. I would think you would, better than most, understand our concerns. I mean if the option forced us to choose to our families feelings versus participating the lifestyle, we would choose family every time. In fact most of the people in the lifestyle we have met feel them same. Most have kept their swing life from their families because it would be hurtful to them. If everyone decided they need to choose one or the other, I think the industry of swinging would take an enormous economic kick to the gut. But like most, we have chosen to live our life, but take precautions to protect our families. We have just put some thought into carrying that over into death.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

One person you probably SHOULD tell is your physician or other health care provider. S/he is ethically bound not to disclose that you have multiple partners. The information you provide will trigger additional laboratory tests that are considered appropriate and prudent for non-monogamous individuals.

 

Physicians make a cultural assumption that married couples are monogamous. This is not a value judgment: those of us who have been in practice long enough understand that exceptions to monogamy happen. However, testing one or both marital partners for STDs can be disruptive to a marriage unless a lot of groundwork has been laid.

 

Help your caregiver out and let them know that you are not monogamous. You do not have to explain, justify, fear exposure or castigation.

[asncpl 729]

Mrs. A here. My best girlfriend knows but that's it. I have to say it's nice at times to get the perspective of someone not in the lifestyle and who also knows me since high school.

 

I think a few friends also know we go to nude beaches for vacations, thanks to a mixup with the sharing of our online photo albums , but they have no clue that we are swingers.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Interesting thought VegasLee.

In fact, if I am not mistaken, you income is based in the swing lifestyle. I would think you would, better than most, understand our concerns.

 

Lots of things in your post but I will start with this one.

 

The club belongs to Mike and Chris. Not Laura and I. We are going on 17+ Years of working with them but I do not get paid. Mike and Chris are like my parents to me since I did not have any.

 

Years ago I was the VP for a national company that after 16 years went BK and took my retirement with them. I stated that day I would never work for anyone else.

 

I used to own a bunch of restaurants and I sold them. Then I started and built up an ISP here in Vegas when the Internet started. Got into the Porn business and about 30 years and saved up my pennies.

 

Due to my health we sold most things off and retired. We have ran food service in a private school for the last few years, as volunteers, not paid. We also do some out side catering. None of my businesses have ever been hurt by my lifestyle.

 

We have six kids, ten grandkids. All the kids know about us. They had to since I have been on T.V., Radio, Newspapers and arrested over this Lifestyle. I have stood in court four times in my Life defending this Lifestyle. One of our kids, our oldest boy does not approve but he is not ashamed of us. He admires us for the fact that we stand up for what we believe in even though it is not for him. That works for us.

 

Now my life does not work for everyone. It has worked great for me because of the way we have always handled it. No one has ever been able to use our Lifestyle against us because we never lied about it or hidden it. They had nothing to "tell" someone because we are "out". No way of damaging us.

 

I do not put down those that do not come out.

 

I do wonder how people that feel they would have so much to lose can be part if this Lifestyle though.

 

That is just something I could never do. I would never put my family in a position to have to defend me or be ashamed of me for the things that I do in my life. Alive or dead.

 

I am not saying how you lead your life is right or wrong, just not for me as mine is not for you.

 

We all have to do what works for us. That does not keep me from wondering how people can do it the way they do though.

[starryeyes 23]

We have told no one.... except for those that we play with. They seem to be able to keep their mouths shut or open depending on the situation.

 

All kidding aside, it's been said why tarnish anything with our loved ones. As for friends, we have friends in both the vanilla world (those that aren't told) and those in the lifestyle (those that are told). Like virtually anything else, some people know some things about us and others don't.

[nola40scpl 45]

our oldest knows and doesn't really much care. our son chooses not to know. my siblings know and have even had one ask for advice.

 

the mother in law knows and says as long as we're both happy who cares what others think. our close vanilla friends know, but those that disapprove aren't really that close. some that approve are envious because we have that relationship. what we have found is that those that don't approve are the ones who are cheating on their significant other and everyone else knows about it so it's a tendency to ignore the negative considering the source.

 

as far as the employer goes, i don't let on in anyway because i feel in the long run he'll end up being judgemental even though he wouldn't realize how many clients i know from the lifestyle.

 

i guess living in the area we live in, things like the lifestyle are a little more 'accepted' to a certain degree. if someone asks us it's usually because they've seen us somewhere so there's no use denying it but it's not something we 'flaunt'.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- Never hide it , yet never advertise. We do not have children and not a lot of family, so that's not a concern. I was confronted once, by a wife who had caught her husband trolling on the internet and put her in her place. I'm an academic, so, while I'm typically surrounded by liberal people, sex does not seem to part of their liberal perspective, unless it's cheating on a spouse, which seems to be rampant. I sometimes think my colleagues do wonder about me. Someone will say something so adolescent about sex that I roll my eyes or quip something that is very alternative. One time a woman colleague brought up the idea of an affair and I replied,"Why stress yourself with lying and deception. Hell, get a 'permission slip' from your husband and even have him watch. Or, heck, get another couple so he can have fun too." Her reply,"There you go Susan, throwing it back in my face, like always." Sheeesh. Ultimately I told her to seek marriage counseling or do the decent thing and divorce the poor schlep and then pursue what she wanted.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We got busted out by our kids, no biggy though, they're adults. They're the kind of vanilla's you'd like. They've all read the Swingers Board and hold nothing against anyone in the lifestyle.

 

We only tell those we pursue, but if we find ourselves in someone's home or personal surroundings and your on the sneaky sneak about swinging, then we want to be sneaky with you.

 

We like the sneaky part, sneaky is good, sneaky is fun.

 

If we are in your town, will you share your sneaky with us, we promise not to tell.

 

 

 

EDIT: I guess on topic I believe Coupleerotic22 has a good idea entrusting one person to wipe all evidence and traces... you know, should something happen to both of us. For us, that would be our oldest son. He has the combination to the safe and computers and they might all probably take a peek at any pictures before the burning ceremony. Not to look at dads ass or moms tits but just to see who we were with.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Hmmm. Her sister, her cousin, and a very close friend of both of ours.

No judgement from any of them. The response in all cases was the generic "Oh my god! Really? (with a big grin and wide eyes)", followed by 643 questions about swinging.

 

We like the sneaky part, sneaky is good, sneaky is fun.

 

Yes it is. We enjoy that part too.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Lots of things in your post but I will start with this one.

 

The club belongs to Mike and Chris. Not Laura and I. We are going on 17+ Years of working with them but I do not get paid. Mike and Chris are like my parents to me since I did not have any.

 

Years ago I was the VP for a national company that after 16 years went BK and took my retirement with them. I stated that day I would never work for anyone else.

 

I used to own a bunch of restaurants and I sold them. Then I started and built up an ISP here in Vegas when the Internet started. Got into the Porn business and about 30 years and saved up my pennies.

 

Due to my health we sold most things off and retired. We have ran food service in a private school for the last few years, as volunteers, not paid. We also do some out side catering. None of my businesses have ever been hurt by my lifestyle.

 

We have six kids, ten grandkids. All the kids know about us. They had to since I have been on T.V., Radio, Newspapers and arrested over this Lifestyle. I have stood in court four times in my Life defending this Lifestyle. One of our kids, our oldest boy does not approve but he is not ashamed of us. He admires us for the fact that we stand up for what we believe in even though it is not for him. That works for us.

 

Now my life does not work for everyone. It has worked great for me because of the way we have always handled it. No one has ever been able to use our Lifestyle against us because we never lied about it or hidden it. They had nothing to "tell" someone because we are "out". No way of damaging us.

 

I do not put down those that do not come out.

 

I do wonder how people that feel they would have so much to lose can be part if this Lifestyle though.

 

That is just something I could never do. I would never put my family in a position to have to defend me or be ashamed of me for the things that I do in my life. Alive or dead.

 

I am not saying how you lead your life is right or wrong, just not for me as mine is not for you.

 

We all have to do what works for us. That does not keep me from wondering how people can do it the way they do though.

 

I want to reply in more detail, but I haven't the time right now. But I have to say I admire your honesty and convictions. But I guess just like swinging, being that open is not for everyone. I must give your comments some more thought, but you certainly have given me a good deal to think about.

 

As for our physicians, they know we are sexually active outside the marriage, but we did not feel the need to give more details. That said, I think mine assumed as much, but did not outright say it.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

VegasLee, I have given your position on this a lot of thought. It has brought about some interesting debates within my own head and some interesting discussions with the Mrs. as well.

 

First, we are not embarrassed or ashamed of what we do. We have long since resolved any issues we have with being in the lifestyle, although for us it is more of a hobby than a lifestyle. Which I think is a huge factor in our decisions to this point.

 

Second, this is our private life. We don't tell our friends what we do in the bedroom when its just the tow of us so we don't think they need to know that sometimes it is more than just the two of us.

 

We have three major concerns about being public.

1. Our children. We live in a small suburban community where everyone knows everyone else, its kind of like a larger version of Mayberry. We are heavily involved in the community and with the school system. One of my biggest issue with some people in this city is how they talk about others and how it trickles down to their kids. It is not wide spread, but the are a few that are very gossipy. My son has come home and told us stories about other kids he has heard, all would be far less juicy than us being in the lifestyle. We reprimand hm for being involved with rumors, use it as a life lesson, and then try to find out HOW he heard. It has come down to a small clique of people that are just a pain in the ass in every sense of the word. Bottom line is that when kids talk about kids to each other, it can be very painful for them. I would not want our kids to have to deal with than more than necessary.

 

2. Mrs Father. Very old fashioned, and our lifestyle would be a huge blow to their relationship, and at his age there would likely not be enough time to repair that damage. There have already been issues in the past of far less. My family wouldn't approve, but would just chalk it up to me being me.

 

3. Our careers. She works in a field where morals clauses are common. Frankly, what we do in private it is on one's business, but I have seen those clauses used before like sledge hammers. For me, I often work with celebrities and people with name cache. While I don't doubt that some of them are in the lifestyle OR doing something themselves that would do more damage to their name, I know how they think. Several of my clients would create as much distance as possible between us, regardless of how good a job I have done for them. They wouldn't want to be splashed with any mud. Secondly, in this industry, people gleefully use any dirt they can find to steal away clients.

 

There is, for whatever reason, a huge stigma against swinging. We see references to it all the time on this site and others. Which to me is amazing in today's culture. But unfortunately it is there.

 

But what you said has made me think. In many ways our lives would be so much better if this were in the open. A much easier day to day life, we would probably meet new "Friends" that we already know. LOL. You are right that people couldn't hurt me with the secret if it wasn't a secret. But what damage would there be if it were not secret. Sure, I would have removed leverage and protect myself. But it would likely have a negative impact on those we love.

 

So, what are the choices.

1. Get out of the lifestyle.

2, Stay in and be open.

3. Stay in but keep it private.

4. Stay in and eventually be outed

 

#1 is not really an option, the cow is out of the barn, so to speak. Even if we got out, we have been in it, so it could still be an issue. Besides that though, we have always felt what others did in their private life was just that and as long as it did not impact us in a negative way, then why should it be our business. We feel the same about what we do, why should it be their business. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in.

 

#2, Well, I have already discussed this one above in great detail. For us this is not really an option at this point. But since you have made me think, we will likely take some steps in that direction, slow and small, we will see.

 

#3, I guess for now this is the way we will go.

 

#4, this may eventually occur, and if it does we will deal with it. Like I said, I am looking at ways now to be more open, thanks to your insight, but it will be a long slow process.

 

Thank you VegasLee for making me think, I always enjoy it when someone does that.

[VegasLee 1,486]

You have to do what you have to do. Nothing wrong with that.

 

As with this Lifestyle and Life in general, what works for you is what is right for you.

 

With all that you listed as your reasons, I would personally not be in the Lifestyle with all those concerns but once again, that is me. You have a ton to lose if you ever do get found out by the way you have stated things.

 

In many things in life the horse has left the barn but people still come back to be some of the greatest people in the world. (Drugs, gangs, etc) People get out and become famous for many good things.

 

As I have stated no less then 100 times in these forums. My life is not for everyone but that does not make my life right or wrong. It works for me and those that do matter in my life.

 

Good luck to all of you no matter how you lead your life.

[divenaked 325]

I personally would not care if the whole world knew......except my parents. While we do not agree on many things, including religion and politics, I would not want to embarass them. My kids would all point at each other and yell "I told you so!" Ms Dive, on the other hand, works with many govt and academic officials who would try to find a way to use the knowledge for some type of personal gain. She still has work out ways to bring a few friends home from work though...............

[DMPJ 15]

We've been in the lifestyle for only about a year - and even then only a few encounters thus far.

 

After our first encounter (a MFM 3-some on vacation), she told her only single friend. Her friend was curious and surprised, but has stated it's not something she would be able to do (there goes that FMF 3-some LOL).

 

I've told one friend, who seemed kind of disinterested (which is his normal reaction to everything anyway). She said she won't mind if I told my friends. The only reason I haven't is because I haven't had an opportunity to bring it up. It's not really one of those "topic starters" my friends would be looking for in casual conversation.

 

Personally, I don't mind who knows. She's a little more guarded, which is understandable (she grew up around a lot of judgmental people). But it is nice to have a shared little secret amongst us. :-)

[willyoats 324]

Both of our children know. Also, the sister-in-law. We had to tell her because she babysat the kids occasionally while we were away on a weekend swingers convention and needed to know how to get in touch with us if there was an emergency. All three of those people had many partners before marriage but were never swingers after marriage.

 

I have kept in touch with old girlfriends and have told two of them. One was never very sexual although I loved very much for many years and probably would have married her if I had not met my wife. She rejects the swinging lifestyle outright!

 

The other one was very sexual and married to a shrink. They had a great sex life 'till he died a few years ago. However, she needed a bit on the side. He told her to go right ahead whenever she wanted, but he didn't want ot know about the affairs. She had plenty and still had a really great marriage. Odd but true. We were all ready to get together for a few days at my house while my wife was away (with wife's full knowledge), but that fell through at the last minute. We are planning a get-together for next year.

[Coffeeblack 38]

Wow!! Great responses. Mrs. Coffeeblack and I have only had a few experiences in the Life since we started in 09' and have been MIA lately, but we plan to get back in the swing of things soon. I would love to tell some vanilla friends about what we have done. Sometimes, they talk about sexual experiences they've had (one night stands, strip clubs, cheating,blah, blah,blah) and people they would love to screw. I think to myself if you only knew the things we've done:D

 

For me(Mr.CB), I wouldn't really care what people around me thought. Mrs.CB on the onther hand does... It's cool, but I would love one day to tell someone about one of our encounters and watch their mouth drop to the floor. :lol:They wouldn't guess in a million years the naughty things Mrs. CB and I have done or plan to do.

[AskMeOk 148]

You have to do what you have to do. Nothing wrong with that.

 

As with this Lifestyle and Life in general, what works for you is what is right for you.

 

I agree, in principal, however let me pose this against other threads....

 

.... no picture, no contact.......

 

since the term "Morals Clause" was mentioned, let me guess that it isn't *right* for nearly everyone anywhere near "education."

 

Be lenient and understanding.... not everybody can play by the same rules....

[couplers 4,614]

My sister is the only one that knows about my poly relationship with my husband and bf, and hubby's play partner. My sister is older, and what I initially thought was her being judgmental is actually a mixture of jealousy (she used to be sexually quite active and is now in a monogamous marriage), and her just picking on me like she has all my life. But she is trustworthy and hasn't even told her husband.

 

There's no need to tell anyone else and we haven't. But we all work in situations that are either liberal (where people would reflexively support individuality) or so performance oriented that it wouldn't matter. It would play out like any other gossip - initially, the rumor that Adam and Eve are dating creates a buzz, but after it is established as a fact no one cares.

[Big Rock 173]

If I couldn't be open about it, I wouldn't do it. Other than hygiene, this is my biggest question about the "lifestyle". The hypocrisy. Many posters make very valid arguments about the benefits of swinging, but very few are willing to come out about their involvement. Why? Most will say that to swing, you have to be honest, but then again they are living a double life, where is the honesty in that?

[swing.kidz 367]

If I couldn't be open about it, I wouldn't do it. Other than hygiene, this is my biggest question about the "lifestyle". The hypocrisy. Many posters make very valid arguments about the benefits of swinging, but very few are willing to come out about their involvement. Why? Most will say that to swing, you have to be honest, but then again they are living a double life, where is the honesty in that?

 

Big Rock, I think those who stated their need for discretion made their point clear that "outting" themselves would ultimately pose a risk to their livelihood...not that swinging is innately immoral, just that the misguided perceptions of their peers, supervisors, managers and clients (people not in the lifestyle with them) could render irreparable damage to their careers.

 

Honesty is extremely important in the lifestyle...but you need to keep that concept in context. Honesty about my lifestyle with my boss, mother, client, or the Starbucks barrista is not only irrelevant, its ridiculous. Honesty must take place between the parties involved in the act of swinging, but it is unnecessary with anyone else. And calling people hypocrites because of this is a little shortsighted.

 

Additionally, no one ever defended the act of denying or lying about involvement in swinging when asked. They just implied not offering the information in general conversation with a vanilla audience; keeping discretion with people who don't really need to know.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Additionally, no one ever defended the act of denying or lying about involvement in swinging when asked. They just implied not offering the information in general conversation with a vanilla audience; keeping discretion with people who don't really need to know.

 

Well, I will then. The time when honestly is the only ethical path and absolutely required is when the person asking the question has a right to know the truth. In this case, your spouse, your playmates, etc.

 

Speaking just for myself, others may hold a different opinion, if my neighbor or coworker came right out and directly asked me if I was a swinger, I wouldn't feel the slightest compunction about lying right to their face, and not simply because there could be serious repercussions to careers, family, etc if I answered truthfully. There is some of that, but the main factor is because they have no right to that type of personal information about me to start with, and them thinking they do by directly asking the question is disrespectful and so I feel no obligation to respect them with the truth. If I voluntarily offer information first that eventually leads to the direct question, then that is a different story of course.

 

If on the other hand my neighbor asks me if I know how his dog got ran over, and I know it was his teenage son because I saw it happen but the kid is lying about it to stay out of trouble, then I am always going to tell the truth be what it may because he has a right to know.

 

Honesty is always the best policy, but it's not a one way street. If the question is an honest one with no motives, then it is valid and deserves an honest answer. If it's a dishonest question to begin with, say just to obtain a juicy piece of gossip, then it doesn't require an honest answer because it's not an honest question.

[GPHTallCouple 69]

Well my kids and my sisters know. I don't have a relationship with my mother, I would not want her to know because she would viciously use that against me to no end. My dad is unable to communicate, if he was able to communicate I wouldn't purposely tell him. If I was outed we'd be able to talk about it (tactfully and carefully). I had a very close relationship with my father, we could talk about nearly anything. Same with my kids, except they told me more than I would ever dream of telling my dad.

 

In a span of about six months each of my kids told me they were on swinging. At the time one child was living near me, and suspected that I was swinging too, so I confessed (first person I told). Kids talk, and a few months later the other one had to confess to me too about swinging and wanted advice. Now, both my kids live far enough away that we don't have to worry about crossing paths with them or their playmates. I've been told that they have stopped, but that its a life's too busy or timing isn't right for them to swing type of thing. I'm with it that they swing, it tells me that they can have grown up discussions about sex and have great communication with their spouse.

 

My sisters can't quite handle discussing the topic about my swinging at all. I didn't purposely tell them but they are nosey and dug it out. I think they got more than they bargained for. They believed that I needed to be a 'good girl' and change my ways to find love. They didn't get it, at all and said hurtful things to me about it. Recently though, they seem more accepting of it and they seem to have done their homework and talked to others about it.

 

MrGPH's family, doesn't know at all. A couple of his friends know but they don't handle the concept well. The ones that know, he works with but we have dirt on them that is worse than swinging.

 

One time when drinking though, my friends kept trying to get me to go on a camping trip and were insistent that we can't be doing anything more fun than...so finally I told them about our plans to go to the swing club and invited them to join us. Both of them about fell over in shock, then laughed and smiled. They quit bugging me about the camping trip. They seem to have handled the concept that we swing better than his friends and my sisters have.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

Mrs. Stevie told one of her best girlfriends. One of my friends figured it out, basically. I made a reference to "libertine" opportunities in Montreal, and her response was, "hmmm, what exactly do you mean by libertine (wink..nudge)?." I danced around the question, but she eventually told me plays with a guy who has an open marriage and she is familiar with "the lifestyle" so I confessed.

 

I would feel weird telling my guy friends, too much like bragging. They don't need to know.

[Alura 2,774]

After these years on this board, I reckon I've told about everybody.

 

My two sons (19 & 21) figured it out last summer so I leveled with them. No problems. It was a long conversation and I pretty-much told them what I've told y'all. No sex details, of course, and I steered them away from information about our play couples. "So that's what y'all were doing when we were spending the weekends with Grandma and Grandpa!"

 

"Ahem," I pointed out. "Well ... Ahem!" I added.

 

Alura

[Learning 160]

I'll be happy to live my secret double life. We would never expose ourselves at all due to our jobs and our family relationships. Nor would I want my family to know because they wouldn't get it. For instance, them learning that we were swingers would devast them, then question my strong relationship with Mr. Learning. They just wouldn't understand. As for the job, hell no. I am amazing on what I do and my rep would be ruined...then my company would fire me I love my job.

[ALilOEverything 901]

My sister and my husband's sister know about it. They know because there was a time it was just easier to be honest about it. It wouldn't be the end of the world if the rest of the family found out. Even if they weren't thrilled I know that they'll accept we are who we are eventually and they'll get over it.

 

I remember in the beginning when I first didn't want anyone to know, it was more about worrying I would disappoint my family. Over time I'm realizing people are more worried about their own lives than they are mine. I'm at the point I'm not going to come right out and say it but I wouldn't deny it either.

[MasterHack2007 18]

We havent told anyone, but my dad found us out. he sent me something for work and came over to talk to me and see if i had got it and when i brought up my email it brought up one from SLS he never said anything about it and neither have I. I think hes too embarrassed to ask or just respecting my privacy. and I havent brought it up to him cause well im not 100% positive he noticed but i dont see how he wouldnt have. and since he probably did see it and hasnt said anything then he accepts it and doesnt treat me or my wife any differently so theres no need to talk about it.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've only TOLD a handful of people but a lot of people know... and no, it wasn't because someone else told. Some of my closest friends know (because I've told them over the years). Others know because they've either found us on SLS or run into us at a club.

 

As for family, my brother knows. I don't talk to my mom about sex and I know that the idea of us swinging would "break her heart" if she did know. It's possible that she does know since i basically "outted" myself to her accidentally over a decade ago. That led to a really rough time between us and we haven't talked about it since then. I lied in order to make her feel better. She's extremely religious any sex outside of the confines of marriage to her is wrong.

 

We don't really have a plan for dealing with things should something happen to both of us, but it's something I've been thinking about lately. In all likelihood we will survive our parents and have no kids to worry about, but there's always a chance. I've often thought about what it would be like for my mom if she had to clean out my house were something to happen to both of us.

[1hotyogamama 18]

Mr's brother knows and my best friend knows. His brother would actually make a great single swinger and I can tell my best friend anything, heck, she tells me all about her BDSM with her guy friend. Nobody else would understand and we wanted someone to know, that way we can tell them where we are in case of emergencies, etc. and if something happened to us, they could do damage control. We feel it's not our kids business (mine are a little too young to understand), besides, if our exes found out, we'd never hear the end of it and they'd do their best to try to make our lives miserable. It is a shame people can't be accepting of others preferences, whether they're into it or not. I think it'll be a long time coming before its accepted in the general population.

[sweet_tna 680]

While I dearly wish it didn't have to be so, Mr. Sweet and I have to keep our lifestyle activities under wraps because of our jobs. The few select vanillas with whom we've entrusted with our "little secret" were folk we knew would be cool about it.

 

=)

[CollegeCouple24 232]

Some of the couples we played with WAY back when are still part of our mutual group of friends. They've asked if we still "do that" and we're honest about it but they don't anymore. Beyond them, we haven't really felt the need to tell anyone.

 

I'm curious why so many of the initial responses were of family/co-workers finding people on websites?? Is that typical?

[let's do it again 414]

My siblings and kids are aware of it. One brother doesn't agree with it, but my kids and my other brother and sister want to know about it. I think my sister would try it but her husband is not in good health. Before I retired many of my coworkers were well aware of it and a handful went to Desire after I referred them to it. I guess we are lucky that most of our people support us.

[EastInWest 1,524]

On 1/3/2023 at 10:02 AM, let's do it again said:

My siblings and kids are aware of it. One brother doesn't agree with it, but my kids and my other brother and sister want to know about it. I think my sister would try it but her husband is not in good health. Before I retired many of my coworkers were well aware of it and a handful went to Desire after I referred them to it. I guess we are lucky that most of our people support us.

Even as strong of a believer as I am in boundaries and privacy, I wholeheartedly believe it would be a better world if we could all be this honest when things come up and count on people to take other peoples' business in stride and, if not support them, simply play it cool.

 

I still remember the gossipy widow on the corner complaining about the promiscuous divorced woman across the street with a different car in her driveway every weekend. She knew we were all friends but didn't know we were having FMF threesomes - and also didn't know I didn't know that I knew that she (the widow) was one of the women banging the ex-husband, leading to the divorce. (The audacity.)

 

To the OP's question:

 

We aim to keep this quiet. We have once or twice breached the 50-mile rule and played with people in our close circle, but we do not discuss the rest of our activity with them.

 

With that said, most people in our circle are aware that we enjoy a vigorous sex life, and probably wouldn't be shocked. Neither of us would lose our jobs, but she works with 20-something men all day and the resulting drama of it being known would be untenable. We do suspect one coworker figured it out somehow as he approached her at the supermarket and made some odd remarks. We deleted some online content after that incident, just in case.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

The right to privacy is important. Americans are entitled to vote in private, but most make their political positions known. Nearly everyone chooses to urinate and defecate in private, but we suspend that right in certain contexts (many countries have more or less open urinals in restaurants and various public buildings, and of course military latrines typically offer little privacy).  Our point is that while the right to privacy is important, the actual choice of privacy is peculiarly situational.

 

This is true even of sexual behaviors and health. Your doctor has a reason to know of your sexual behaviors, your dentist typically does not. And so on. Different from political positions, there's rarely a reason to reveal sexual preferences and various risks that accompany such revelation. The tabloids are full of such breathless revelations.  Our counsel: choose wisely. 

 

Like others, we do not broadcast. On the other hand, when confronted with a direct question, we tend to give direct answers. That said, we are often in vanilla situations with LS couples of our ken, and follow their requests if asked "so how did you four meet?"  Recently, we have been asked to indicate that we (a) met during high school when team A played team B and reconnected so many years later; (b) met at an art gallery (where the other lady had a show) ; (c) met at a professional conference. These little fictions are somehow reassuring to many. 

 

 

 

 

[couplers 4,614]

On 6/11/2010 at 2:05 AM, couplers said:

My sister is the only one that knows about my poly relationship with my husband and bf, and hubby's play partner. My sister is older, and what I initially thought was her being judgmental is actually a mixture of jealousy (she used to be sexually quite active and is now in a monogamous marriage), and her just picking on me like she has all my life. But she is trustworthy and hasn't even told her husband.

 

There's no need to tell anyone else and we haven't. But we all work in situations that are either liberal (where people would reflexively support individuality) or so performance oriented that it wouldn't matter. It would play out like any other gossip - initially, the rumor that Adam and Eve are dating creates a buzz, but after it is established as a fact no one cares.

It is interesting how things have changed for me/us in thirteen years.  Now that there are five of us adults, three women, two men, and our children living together as a family, many people know.  We don't discuss our sex lives with others any more than a vanilla couple would, but with us women all having children with both guys, it's easy to figure out.

 

BTW, my sister didn't remain monogamous for very long - she is a serial adulteress.  Her husband finds out, they fight, split up, and make up.  It's become a predictable pattern.