Exclusive play groups? aka secret society swingers?

[Newpants 21]

I occasionally do some lurking on a couple of vanilla sex/dating/relationship forums (that can be an interesting thing in and of itself)

 

Anyway, recently I came across a thread by a guy who said he and his wife had gotten into swinging approx a year and a half ago and he was kind of telling their story and opened up the thread for some Q & A.

 

In responding to people's questioning he began to describe their swinging experience and he described how they were members of a "group" that consisted of approx 8 couple's and each couple would take turns hosting a play party about once a month.

 

To get into this group a couple would have to be brought into the group by another couple and they would have to come and meet everyone but they could not do any playing untill they got STD tested. They had to meet everyone and everyone had to agree that they would play with the new couple and the new couple pretty much had to agree that they would play with everyone in the group. (that seemed a little fishy to me)

 

Everyone had to agree to STD testing and present the results and had to agree to play only within the group and could not play outside the group at all. And of course they were all sworn to strict secrecy and could not reveal any names, locations etc. (obviously he was spilling the beans but didn't reveal any names or even state etc)

 

During the parties they had some games where people's play partner(s) were randomly selected for that evening. It almost sounded like an old fashioned key-party but the play was restricted to group settings and noone was allowed to pair off one-on-one behind closed doors.

 

This account was an interesting read and he did sound like he knew what he was talking about. Nothing set off any blaring alarm bells that he was just dreaming it up but some of the stuff just seemed a little unrealistic to me.

 

We have known some people that have regular house/hotel parties that have a somewhat regular following, but I have never heard of a club that was so exclusive/restrictive and had so many rules and conditions and hoops and hurdles to jump through.

 

Everyone loves a good secret society story and I was wondering if any of you know firsthand of any such "groups?" Have you ever been in one? Have you ever been approached by someone wanting to set up something like this? Would you be interested in something like this if you were given an opportunity?

[PB&J 1,086]

About a year ago we had someone on here describe a set-up almost identical to that for a group that they belonged to.

[cocpl2007 170]

We've met two couples who expressed being members of such a "society" as you call it. Initially, by what they disclosed to us, they each had a small group of select "friends" who gathered on a regular basis for play. Each couple had the latitude to bring another couple into the group, for group approval. We didn't get far enough to discover all the "in's and out's" of how each group was structured and sustained.

 

Your story is akin to the theme in the movie "Eyes Wide Shut"

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I have heard of them. I have never been involved in one. There are certainly elements of it that are appealing, but elements I could so without as well. The emotional draw of exclusivity are strong for many people. Would I join one? I am not sure, I guess it would depend on many things, but I would likely consider it.

[N&G 207]

I would like to know how you bring in a new couple if you can't play outside the group. Do you go to a "Meet and Cheat"? I doubt in real life that you can find a group of couples where nobody is playing with others. Would you be willing to give up your existing friends? Maybe you just won't tell them. Years ago you could have a group where everybody played with everybody else but times have changed. I've heard people talk about wanting to start groups of this nature but I've never seen it happen and doubt that I ever will.

[N&G 207]

In responding to people's questioning he began to describe their swinging experience and he described how they were members of a "group" that consisted of approx 8 couple's and each couple would take turns hosting a play party about once a month.

 

In real life you have 2 couples hosting parties and 6 couples giving excuses why they can never host. Everybody wants to go to a party but few want to put in the time or expense of putting one together. Eventually the hosting couples will get tired of doing it and the parties will be over. We used to host parties years ago along with a few other couples but no more.

[exploringRM 305]

The agreeing to play with all present (at some point) would keep us away. We like to have control over who we interact with. One reason we don't like party games that pair people off randomly.

[VegasLee 1,486]

There was a group like there here in Vegas for a few years. They had about 16 to 20 couples involved.

 

Interesting part is that two or three times a year many of them would end up with a STD and there would be big fights within the group over it.

 

This went on for three or four years and the group pretty much ended up splitting up and most of them started going to clubs again.

 

Seems some felt if you where going to have sex with the same group all the time it was just like having sex with your spouse all the time.

 

Also that it appears a few of them could not be trusted to party just within the group.

 

Most of them ended up hating each other by the time the group split up. To many emotions, commitments and rules involved to keep it fun.

 

Why take a lifestyle that can be so much fun and turn it into so much work and drama.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Would you be interested in something like this if you were given an opportunity?

No not at all, I couldnt imagine this type of circle would invite us though, because I would be like.... WTF ?

 

fun4ds

[asncpl 730]

Never heard of this kind of "secret" group, but we were invited to join a small group where we had to be "approved" by the members. There was nothing secret and they didn't require us to be exclusive. Most of the time we picked our play partners and sometimes there were games where partners were randomly chosen. Other than that, it's just like a bunch of lifestyle friends getting together for a good time. We were never asked to host, but just to bring food or donation to cover food and drinks. While we do play bareback, this was not one of those situations where we would do it. We went to a few events but eventually stopped going.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

...recently I came across a thread by a guy who said he and his wife had gotten into swinging approx a year and a half ago and he was kind of telling their story and opened up the thread for some Q & A.

I'd be interested in reading this thread since it's in a vanilla sex/dating/relationship forum.

 

Could you provide a link to the thread?

 

LM

[The Fuse 1,012]

I can't imagine finding a group of more than three or four couples where all the couples have the desire to play with everyone else, much less agree to play with no one else. Too many problems. I could see if everyone had at least a few matches within the group, but a closed group like that would be a real breeding ground for drama.

 

Plus, an earlier post had a very good point. How would new couples ever be identified and brought in without the very strong possibility that play had already occurred between them and their "sponsor"?

[GerdOEvert 51]

Aftger our years in the lifestyle over two different time spans, this is the type of group we would like here in the Wild Wild West.

 

The open club scene is just to fraught with danger which can be professionally harmful.

 

Also, it may sound snobbish, but with a group you can come from many of the same backgrounds, be about the same age, and all that.

 

Otto & Eileen

[Alura 2,775]

Mrs. Alura and I tried to establish a group which was similar if a bit more lax in the rules. We knew we couldn't completely shut out the STD problem. We thought that a group of couples would naturally have fewer contacts. We managed to get three couples together once. Okay, it made for a memorable evening, but we considered ourselves lucky to find just one other couple.

 

We envisioned a group that had children like we did. The families would become friends and do other things than swinging. For instance, if we held a birthday party for each kid in his home, his parents would oversee the party while the rest of the couples escaped somewhere to play.

 

The logistics were just too great. We couldn't find enough couples to make it work.

 

Alura

[Newpants 21]

I'd be interested in reading this thread since it's in a vanilla sex/dating/relationship forum.

 

Could you provide a link to the thread?

 

LM

 

This particular thread is in the 'Relationships' section of the forums of Men's Health website but I don't know if I can find the exact thread again since I was just skipping along through old pages and the thread was a couple years old.

 

It was interesting to read. I am not a member there but I was wanting to question the same things that many of you mentioned such as why be excusive to a small group/agreeing to play with everyone etc etc, where as on this thread 95% of the questions were, "how can you let another man touch your wife???" Like I said it is interesting reading vanilla forums now and then:lol:

 

Anyway there are 3 forums in the 'Relationships' section and I think it was in the "committed" section back around the summer of 2008. If I am able to find it again, I'll post it because it was kind of interesting.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Ha ha ha!! This group has a no kissing rule, too! My mind is boggled. So many things that just seem like they wouldn't work in any swinging world I know or can imagine!

[Swing*8701 887]

We've had a regular collection of three couples come over for a weekend about four times per year. Yet, no one is expected to ever be exclusive. I could not imagine this three couple group ever being able to become an eight couple group. It was tough enough getting these three couples together and it all to work out with us. My mind is imploding at the concept.

[PB&J 1,086]

What gets me is how many threads are about how awful their marriages are, how they complain about their wives. Sad.

[Newpants 21]

y'know this just dawned on me, the OP of that thread was pretty much a newb swinger at the time he made that post (approx 6 months) and it sounded like most if not all of their experiences had been with this group.

 

Then I remembered the only time we have been approached about joining a 'group' was within the first week or two putting up our profile on a swing site. At that time we were assured the group was ultra-private, invitation only, the members were of similar background/level of attractiveness blah blah blah. We never got around to meeting them and haven't heard from them since so I assume they lost interest in us.

 

Sooo, now I'm wondering, since this 'group' in this other thread has so many levels of safeguards and protections ie STD testing, no kissing, no separate rooms, games to pick partners etc...do you think these folks are all newbs or possibly the ringleaders are newbie hunters and have set up all these rules to appeal to newby fears and need for security.

 

Or that perhaps the ringleaders themselves have a big need for security and structure and newbs are the only ones that are going to go for all those hoops and hurdles?

 

I know there are a lot of people that will take some extra steps at STD protection and a lot of people that prefer somewhat regular playpartners over one-nighters but I can't see very many experienced and savy swingers going through all those hoops and hurdles for all the reasons that have been mentioned here on this thread.

 

Now that some of you have read the other thread yourselves, do you think that OP might be full of $#!^ ? My original thought was that he seemed to be legit but just in a situation that I would not be into but I have been duped before.

 

Any thoughts on this or am I just letting my secret society/conspiracy theory side of me get too carried away?

[Newpants 21]

One more quick thing related to my last post. It would be interesting to hear what that OP would have to say about everything today. I thought about registering on MH (under a different name of course) and bumping that thread up and asking him about it now but I see he has not posted in a year or so and he said he was leaving that board.

[Alura 2,775]

I don't know whether the story is true or not, of course, but if someone organized a group of eight couples with all those rules, he's a better manager than I am.

 

Alura

[PB&J 1,086]

The detail that gets me the most- they have a party at least once a week?? Come on, really?

[fun4Ds 1,098]

The detail that gets me the most- they have a party at least once a week?? Come on, really?

 

I noticed that as well....

 

I'm guessing that comment, in it's self, makes the group meetings more along the lines of a few couples in attendance.

 

Ya know, reading the OP's thread (pilot, on the mens health forum). It would have been cool to have referred him here. Although I strongly disagreed here in this thread, I would have been a bit more curious and had a few points to ask or make, reading his thoughts now.

There were some similarities as well as differences to the groups we have been invited to join through Swing Lifestyle.

 

Thanks for the link, Newpants

 

 

fun4ds

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We don't have an exclusive play group per se, but there are a few of us that rent a cabin for the weekend at a local resort area every 6 months or so. We figured out early on that it worked better for everyone if those invited "fit" the group. Not so much sexually, but more as a group of couples that really enjoy each others' company from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. Sex is only a part of the weekend. You have to like each other to enjoy that much time together in a remote area.

 

There isn't a group vote, or anything like that. We just use common sense and our knowledge of each other to make suggestions on who to invite. We do avoid bringing newbies, because things can get wild, and we'd rather avoid having to worry about making someone uncomfortable.

 

Of course, the usual "no means no" rule applies, although I don't think it's ever been used.

 

Something this structured, and this often though? No thanks. There's a lot of logistics that go into our semi-annual get-togethers. Can't imagine trying to pull it every few weeks, since they apparently rotate.

[qtcpl4fun 15]

This all sounds like a great idea. A group of friends with similar interests getting together every month or so. Almost an ideal situation really.

[good times 991]

Now that some of you have read the other thread yourselves, do you think that OP might be full of $#!^ ? My original thought was that he seemed to be legit but just in a situation that I would not be into but I have been duped before.

Sounds like the start of a movie script to me, I would have to see it to believe it.

 

That would never happen though, as the idea is very unappealing to me.

Ha ha ha!! This group has a no kissing rule, too! My mind is boggled. So many things that just seem like they wouldn't work in any swinging world I know or can imagine!

I agree, I actually find this thread here more interesting than the thread referred to on the other forum, mainly the fact that some find this idea appealing, while it sounds no fun at all to me. For me swinging is about variety, and experiencing new people sexually. If I want to have sex over and over with the same people, my wife fills that role perfectly, no one else is needed. Then ad in all of their rules and that alone would sap all of the fun right out of it.

[AskMeOk 148]

Yes, we know of such a group. I don't know that they do any STD testing, but membership is by invitation only and demands that they never play outside that group. (Yeah, I know...) I think they only have a few couples that host and the group is about a dozen couples. They are in an extreme Bible Belt area and this is done as much for cover as anything else.

[EroticGent 76]

I must admit the idea of a regular play group of say 5 to 10 people that only plays with others in the group and where the members also are friends who do other non-swinging activities too is rather appealing to me. With an extended sexual and non-sexual friendship you could develop a lovely level of trust and connection. Playing without protection after everyone is tested for STDs is a real plus too.

 

Although this might sound like an extended version of a regular couple, my take is that this group would be a wonderful extension that allows you to work together to bring pleasure to others and offers so many delicious combinations of bodies and play!

[oncewere 84]

My first wife and I belonged to such a society that had been active since the beginning of WW II. It worked very well for almost fifty years. See some of our newsletter stories on the story board.

 

You are right. It wouldn't work today. The group fell apart when newer members couldn't be bothered to respect the rules. What some would call unreasonable restrictions made it possible to feel quite free within the group. Mutual trust worked well for many years.

 

Attitudes have changed so much over the years that Barb and I probably wouldn't fit into today's swinging.

[padoc 1,704]

W agree with Fuse....sounds like a breeding ground for drama. For us, "no kissing" is always a deal breaker. You'll stick your face in Mrs Doc's snatch or lick my woody but draw the line at a little tongue play.....? We have never understood that one. In addition, they seem to have a lot of rules. We pretty much embrace the concept of few rules-more fun.

[Newpants 21]

My first wife and I belonged to such a society that had been active since the beginning of WW II. It worked very well for almost fifty years. See some of our newsletter stories on the story board.

 

You are right. It wouldn't work today. The group fell apart when newer members couldn't be bothered to respect the rules. What some would call unreasonable restrictions made it possible to feel quite free within the group. Mutual trust worked well for many years.

 

Attitudes have changed so much over the years that Barb and I probably wouldn't fit into today's swinging.

 

Could you please elaborate a little more on what rules the newer members wouldn't follow and how the attitudes have changed?

 

I am interested in hearing more about how things changed over that period of time.

[divenaked 325]

I have to agree with padoc on the no-kissing rule. WHY? I love kissing almost as much as eating pussy. Besides, the rules posted are too inhibitive to free expression for anyone not in "the group".

[oncewere 84]

Response to Newpants

 

Before I start, I have to say that the members of this board are wonderful. You show character and intelligence. I think very highly of those I've read on the forums. I can't say things were better long ago, they were just different. Our group began with military airmen - and women - and expanded to the airlines and beyond, so there was an affinity that is hard to find in today's world.

 

Our major rule was exclusivity. If members were to be promiscuous with outsiders, they tended to bring things back we didn't want. There were plenty of people in the club to play with so that wasn't really restrictive. What that exclusivity bought was the ability to freely share with others, typically bareback. When people started lying, VD would break out. A case or two of gonorrhea or syphilis was quickly cured, but with the advent of AIDS, exclusivity, testing, and quarantine became extremely important.

 

Another difference from what I see on this board is we weren't so picky. The need for lots of chemistry was rarely a stumbling block since we were there for fun, not lasting relationships. Ironically, not requiring emotional chemistry opened the doors to long lasting friendships in and out of bed. By the way, jerks were quickly blackballed, so the group was kept very pleasant.

 

Nobody wants to bed someone they can't stand, but club members were really quite personable. It wasn't hard to get to like most members. We rarely insisted on a couple all four could agree upon, but evidently that happened more frequently in our group than what I read about here. We each went roaming and found individuals we clicked with. We played lots of mixing games to get to know lots of people. Most of us were free to make individual connections with fellow members, especially when traveling. A lot of members were in professions that required extensive travel, so this worked out nicely. We let our spouses know, of course. When Barb was away, I'd often get a call from friends to come over for some play time. Likewise when the roles were reversed.

 

We trusted each other, and sex was for fun, not the result of elaborate searches.

 

We didn't attend swing clubs. We usually held parties by invitation at homes or rented venues, or met in pairs, thresomes, foursomes, and moresomes.

 

Another difference was that single guys were treated as treasures. Guys tended to be much more limited in the number of contacts per night than the gals. The single guys came in quite handy. Since the women really ran things, we could always count on 20% or more single guys.

 

When VD infiltrated a few times everyone began to pull back, sticking to old friends. When the new people became more selfish and pushy, it ruined the atmosphere. The wave of what we called hippies ruined things in the late sixties, early seventies. They had little self-control or respect for others. When mutual respect went, the club collapsed.

[Powerglide 235]

Reminds me of the line from Tolkein about "a lot of orcish rules."