Are swinger females expected to be bi?

[TymKeepr 16]

I'm finally getting my nerve up to ask. Are all women expected to be bi-sexual when it comes to swinging? I consider myself to be female friendly, I don't have a problem helping strip, kiss or caress another woman, which I've done before, but I have NO desire to perform oral sex on one.

 

I notice all these clubs talking about admitting single women but not much for single men, and have read on here about, what appears to me to be, desperate single men (not you regular posters, but you know the type I mean!) becoming pests. So, are women just automatically assumed to be bi?

[Ashley 22]

I don't think women are expected to be bi but personally I think it's a nice bonus when I meet one who is. It multiplies the possibilites in an encounter, each woman has her own partner, you can swap partners, the women can play together, the two women can do one of the men together and vice versa. The term I like to use for it is "inclusive"....I like women who are inclusive in that everyone is invited to join in and have fun. Oftentimes when a woman is strictly het, I get the feeling that she just wants to forget I'm there and have a fantasy thing with my guy and on occasion that has thoroughly pissed me off. I say oftentimes but not always because our favorite swing partner, female half is strictly het but has one of the most open, loving hearts of anyone I have ever met. I think if you opt to not have sexual contact with the other female, you need to make special effort to make sure she feels comfortable and included.

[naughty A 23]

hmmm.

 

are women expected to be bi... well no but it generally is perceived as a bonus, definitely adds to the fun. In fact there have been several occasions for us were it was discussed and expected and then get the the bedroom and the guys jump right in and there is no opportunity for the girls to play.

 

Part of what you are saying may give the impression of mixed signals though so be careful... if you spend the night on the dance floor, kissing and touching and stripping some girl, she is going to assume that you are interested in taking it further, although I understand your position you really don't want her to make a wrong assumption. There is still lots of things that you can do without oral sex.

 

I think that there is another thread deploring the multi-labels that people use, selectively bi, socially bi?, bi-curious, bi-sensuous, quervo-bi (comes to mind, I don't remember it well enough to say if it would answer your question though) And what the right term for your situation is I couldn't say.

[Brit_Pair 62]

We got into this so that Mrs B could explore her feelings of sexual attraction to women. We've branched out a little since the beginning, but the opportunity for female to female pleasure remains at the heart of what we look for, so it's probably impossible for us to add anything definitive to your question.

 

In our short experience, it seems that the bi-women involved in the scene outnumber the straight, but we're prepared to concede that that might be a faulty conclusion based upon a limited perspective.

 

As Ashley and Naughty A both point out, having a bi-female partner certainly opens up additional opportunities for pleasure. Because of that, perhaps women in the scene *are* expected to be bi-sexual by some of the couples out there. Given the stage we're at in our explorations, we certainly wouldn't be interested in meeting couples with a straight female.

[JustAskJulie 2,596]

I think that yes to a large extent women in the lifestyle are expected to be bi. Not so much that they have to be, but I think that often people just assume that because a woman is in the lifestyle that she probably is bi.

 

I think that the key is that if she isn't, she is upfront about it. Like you said, you are willing to do certain things and not others. If you aren't upfront about that from the beginning, then I would definately think that another woman/couple would get the wrong idea when you start to undress/carress/etc her. I think it could be seen as teasing.

[OhioCouple 41]

I personally feel that there is an overall expectation of a woman to be bi in this lifestyle. Which in my opinion stinks.

 

I agree with the others that if you are not upfront and honest about the degree of your bi-sexuality that it can be real confusing for a woman who is bi and send out mixed signals.

 

We have a couple that we play with in which the wife is 100% straight, but that is not a turn off to me as she was up front about it from the word go. At times we have given the guys a tease with some goofing off by undressing the other, but the expectation of bi play is not even a thought. It is just light hearted fun between two people that are comfortable being nude in front of the other.

 

I think that some couples may really miss out on some fun times if their only agenda is with a bi-female. I know that for myself, I have had great fun with this particular couple and while some things we do may give the appearance of entertaining bi-sexuality, it isn't. It is just being sexual and having light hearted fun.

[Roxysbayou 20]

I agree Lori. I have had a few couples that we e-mailed say that they weren't sure about us because I listed byself as bi and their female half wasn't. I thought that was a bit strange. Just because I like women from time to time doesn't mean that I would disrespect her or that I want to be with every woman that I come across. Okay...Almost every woman....lol. But seriously, I don't expect any woman to be bi unless she tells me herself that she is and what she likes. I have found to many that advertise bi and then it turns out to be hubbys fantasy not hers.

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

I have found to many that advertise bi and then it turns out to be hubbys fantasy not hers.

Exactly, Roxy. That is why at one point we removed my sexual status as being "bi-sexual" right out of the profile. I am as particular about the women I play with as with the men. You could give me a room full of 'truly' bi-sexual women, and if I don't feel an attraction, then I'm not playing. (Not likely that I wouldn't be attracted to at least one, just a scenario. )

 

Bi-sexual experiences are just a bonus for me. It is not required. In fact I'm going to be sorely dissapointed if I don't have a good hard cock waiting for me once I am in my highly sexual mode and that is something a woman just can't give me.

 

Yeah, I'm a sleaze and wear the label proudly!

[Bashebabutt 15]

I do think that in this lifestyle, that most assume that the women are "BI'.

 

I am not....I have been with 2 women mainly for my hubby and to explore that side, but it just does not turn me on much. I will receive but do not like to give. How selfish is that??

 

Maybe I just have not met the right women....I do know that I am picky as far as men are concerned, so I have not closed the door on the possibility of a women turning me on and just going at it!!!!! I just do what turns me on for the night and lord knows that can change.

[TymKeepr 16]

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Originally posted by naughty A

Part of what you are saying may give the impression of mixed signals though so be careful... if you spend the night on the dance floor, kissing and touching and stripping some girl, she is going to assume that you are interested in taking it further, although I understand your position you really don't want her to make a wrong assumption. There is still lots of things that you can do without oral sex.

 

I suppose I need to clarify this a bit. The only times I have done anything like kissing, caressing or helping to strip another woman were on the orders of the Dom I was with. I would never initiate such actions with another woman on the dance floor. I have, on occasion, at BDSM parties, dungeons, etc., snuggled up with other women that I was both friends with and had been tied up with often enough.

 

posted by Ashley

The term I like to use for it is "inclusive"....I like women who are inclusive in that everyone is invited to join in and have fun. Oftentimes when a woman is strictly het, I get the feeling that she just wants to forget I'm there and have a fantasy thing with my guy and on occasion that has thoroughly pissed me off.

 

I don't have a problem (at least I don't think I do!) with being inclusive. As I said, I consider myself to be female friendly but draw the line at performing on another woman. I do like the feel of how soft we women are and would, most likely want to caress one in a sexual setting. Ok, now I'm confusing myself!

 

What I seem to be reading is just let my individual boundaries be known up front and see where things go from there? Negotiate, negotiate!

 

Thanks all!

[J & K 16]

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I have had a few couples that we e-mailed say that they weren't sure about us because I listed myself as bi and their female half wasn't. I thought that was a bit strange. Just because I like women from time to time doesn't mean that I would disrespect her or that I want to be with every woman that I come across. Okay...Almost every woman....lol. But seriously, I don't expect any woman to be bi unless she tells me herself that she is and what she likes. I have found to many that advertise bi and then it turns out to be hubby's fantasy not hers.

 

Lori is right, but also at the same time in an ad if you say you are bi is to put that it isn't a requirement in order to meet/play. Bi means liking MEN and WOMEN. Lesbo is liking just women only. I think Bi women scare off a lot of straight ladies and some good future friends will never happen. Straight ladies means MEN only. But also realize that most men in swinging do the contacting and have bi S/O's. So to them it's a 3sum or watching game. I think they lose out the most with straight ladies for swapping. Men that push the Bi things on their S/O are just sick. Women---if they do just tell them you will if they will suck a man's cock for you----lol. Just kidding guys, but seriously---think about it. For you Bi ladies---just remember----even the bi ladies do like men---in case you forgot that you are bi---lol. We see ads with bi chics just looking for women only. Well---have fun and enjoy a man every now and then.

[sweet_couple21 15]

We're still pretty limited in our experience so I can't talk to much about swinging expectations but at the club we go to I can definitely say it's a bonus and many of the women there are bi (my wife included)... but I can't really imagine anyone putting off, rejecting or discrimating against anyone because she's straight.

 

I think there is a bit of pressure simply because of the fact that there are many bi females in the lifestyle and both men and women alike, in general, enjoy this. It's peer pressuring without anyone actually being pushy about it. I mean if there wasn't any pressure at all then you most likely wouldn't have felt the need to ask this question.

 

However, that doesn't mean that you should actually feel pressured. I certainly don't know of anyone who would impose any expectations on anyone. It's just the atmosphere that creates an illusion of expectation when in fact none really exists.

 

But just to give you an example of our own observations, allmost immediately after we introduced ourselves and started mingling with a group at our first dance one of the women asked my wife straight out if she was bi. Then later on the club that we attend does an all female dance for 3 songs where the women get very "friendly" with each other.

 

So I guess my point is that yeah there's certainly a bit of "peer pressure" but you should overlook it and, as others have already pointed out, just be upfront with everyone. No one is going to mind.

 

Also, you did mention single females vs. single males being allowed into clubs. I think it's safe to say the main reason that single females are allowed into clubs whereas usually single men aren't is simply because of the horny, desperate male stereotype, which you yourself mentioned and which I will admit is certainly justified. Too many clubs and couples have had bad experiences with single males. I'm sure if women, in general, were as pushy and as obnoxious as men can be then single females wouldn't be allowed into clubs either.

[OhioCouple 41]

Quote

Originally posted by sweet_couple21

I think there is a bit of pressure simply because of the fact that there are many bi females in the lifestyle and both men and women alike, in general, enjoy this.

Speaking only from my experiences, there are many "trying to be bi-sexual" women either due to a perceived expectation of fulfilling their ideal or their husbands ideal of feminine sexuality.

 

Quote

However, that doesn't mean that you should actually feel pressured. I certainly don't know of anyone who would impose any expectations on anyone. It's just the atmosphere that creates an illusion of expectation when in fact none really exists.

Exactly. So why should a woman feel that she must participate in an activity in which no expectation exists? And just who is the 'illusion' for? The men?...

 

Quote

Then later on the club that we attend does an all female dance for 3 songs where the women get very "friendly" with each other.

And just exactly who is that for? Why isn't there a 3 song duo where the men get friendly with each other?

 

Quote

So I guess my point is that yeah there's certainly a bit of "peer pressure" but you should overlook it and, as others have already pointed out, just be upfront with everyone. No one is going to mind.

Overlook the fact of the peer pressure, when you are quite obviously not interested but yet you won't get favorably noticed unless you participate....again I ask for whom?

 

I apologize sweet_couple21 for picking apart your post but it says darn near everything that I see in the average club environment. Out of over 25 visits to four different clubs, I think I am justified in speaking out.

 

As a bi-sexual woman who happens to be very particular about whom she wants to play with, I refuse to be the evening 'folly' anymore for the benefit of either the club or the men in attendance. I also think that there are less females that are truly bi-sexual than what you believe.

[sweet_couple21 15]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

I apologize sweet_couple21 for picking apart your post but it says darn near everything that I see in the average club environment. Out of over 25 visits to four different clubs, I think I am justified in speaking out.

 

As a bi-sexual woman who happens to be very particular about whom she wants to play with, I refuse to be the evening 'folly' anymore for the benefit of either the club or the men in attendance. I also think that there are less females that are truly bi-sexual than what you believe.

I think you mis understood me.

 

I was treating the posters question as a "yes/no" question. My answer is "yes I think there is pressure". That has nothing to do with my opinion on wether it's right or wrong.

 

Also, you don't know how many bi sexual females I believe there are. I may have implied that I believe that all the bi sexual females at a club are truly bi sexual but I certainly didn't mean to imply anything. I also suspect that there are many "posers" (forgive the expression but I lack a better term at the moment) who pretend they're bi sexual either for attention/acceptance/etc.

 

Anyway as I said I treated this topic as question: "is there pressure?" answer: "yes".

 

I think you read way too much into my post. I wasn't trying to speak opinion. I was trying to speak observations and fact (as limited as those facts may be due to lack of experience - which I made a point of mentioning right at the beginning of my post).

 

And for the record, I also believe there should be an all male dance.

[Roxysbayou 20]

Here is my philosphy. Take it how you will. A lot of men want their cake and to eat it too. If his wife is a little bi curious in her fantasies sudden this opens him up to be able to have sex with other women and have his wife be okay with it at the same time. I see a ton of people that are just starting out in this lifestyle that want a single bi-female only. From my experiences with "bi" women, they were not so bi once they were undressed. But they had hubby there saying- oh please kiss my wife...blah blah blah. It is definitely peer pressure or at least spousal pressure a LOT of the time. If women who advertise bi are in some way overlooked, that is a lot of the reason. I know this may sound a bit sexist, but that's my observation so far.

[OhioCouple 41]

Sweet_Couple21, I wasn't picking on you. It was nice to see your observations in print though. This is a really sore subject with me (which shows) as I cannot tolerate spending time with another woman in the ladies room while they cry their eyes out as they were only 'trying to be' for their husband. And no, I, nor did anyone else, get aggressive on them. I just followed them when they fled in tears. I'm sentimental, what can I say?

 

I apologize for sounding harsh, but these reasons, the same that you have observed, are exactly the reason why I no longer 'advertise' in our profile as being bi.

 

And you're right, I read too much into it as it is such a sore subject with me and has been for months. That is why I said that I hoped you wouldn't think I was picking on you by 'quoting' you. It was just that your observations were exactly as I see it and I was ready to jump up and down and say THANK YOU!!!

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

Here is my philosphy. Take it how you will. A lot of men want their cake and to eat it too. If his wife is a little bi curious in her fantasies sudden this opens him up to be able to have sex with other women and have his wife be okay with it at the same time.....

 

From my experiences with "bi" women, they were not so bi once they were undressed. But they had hubby there saying- oh please kiss my wife...blah blah blah. It is definitely peer pressure or at least spousal pressure a LOT of the time.

Enough said. AMEN!

[LyonCouple 15]

So the question that no one has answered, that begs to be asked, is...How does a straight woman handle a bi woman in a 2 couple swap?

 

Me, I approach it from "girl-friend" point of view. I want everyone to be happy with the swap, so I do my best to be friendly & kind to both partners. I treat the bi woman as a girl-friend, in the true sense of the word.

[Ashley 22]

As a bi woman, I think I can tell whether a woman is truly bi or just pretending to be. If I kiss or touch her and don't get an enthusiastic response, I back off. This is a no brainer for a woman with any sensitivity at all. While my preference(and L's too) is for a bi female to play with us, it's certainly not a requirement. But as Lyon pointed out, she better approach me as a "girlfriend" or we probably won't be playing a second time.

[Roxysbayou 20]

Originally posted by LyonCouple

So the question that no one has answered, that begs to be asked, is...How does a straight woman handle a bi woman in a 2 couple swap?

 

Me, I approach it from "girl-friend" point of view. I want everyone to be happy with the swap, so I do my best to be friendly & kind to both partners. I treat the bi woman as a girl-friend, in the true sense of the word.

 

If one of the women is not bi then it is just a swap, or MFMF. I get the feeling that because I am bi that I automatically want to be with every woman I see. Okay maybe that's not a good example...lol. I am quite capable of being with anothe couple and not have to do the bi thing. If you are straight, then just be honest about what you boundaries are. There will always be those couples who are in it only for the elusive bi fem, and opt for a couple when they can't find it. You just have to weed them out.

[TymKeepr 16]

Quote

Originally posted by OhioCouple

Why isn't there a 3 song duo where the men get friendly with each other? Overlook the fact of the peer pressure, when you are quite obviously not interested but yet you won't get favorably noticed unless you participate....again I ask for whom?

 

You actually hit upon something that did bother me from our adventure at a swing club. We talked a bit with another couple from our area that this was their 2nd time being there. They told us about the first time when they went to the club with several other couples, one of those being a male, committed, gay couple. This couple (who could have easily been more committed than lots of others there) were treated as 2 single males, not allowed into the couples areas, etc.

 

Maybe because I have been involved in the BDSM scene that is very accepting of all sexual orientations, that I found this disturbing. One of the best times I ever had playing at a kinky party was an event put on by the gay BDSM group in Atlanta. The sexual energy in that place was off the scale!! S and I were accepted with no problem and even got a few"wow, you look fabulous" and "you can really swing a flogger"! It was fun watching and playing with the boys! (Play in a BDSM sense!) :evil:

 

Would people really have a problem with gays playing as long as "safe sex" rules were followed?

[Handyman69 15]

I'm with Roxy and Lori. My husband never pushed me into anything. (not saying that he hasn't been happy with the results). But I'm not going to have sex with every Tom, Dick and Janet. If the connection isn't there.....I am not going there.

 

Got to laugh though about the guys....I know my husband wouldn't be into that...LOL.. He has no interest on exploring that area at all..but sharing me..he is ok with.

 

Rhonda

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by Handyman69

But I'm not going to have sex with every Tom, Dick and Janet.

LMAO! I am gonna have to steal that one from ya Cuz!

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by TymKeepr

Would people really have a problem with gays playing as long as "safe sex" rules were followed?

I'm on the same wave length that you are TymKeepr. Personally I would find it "highly" erotic to see men participate with each other in the same way that women are expected to. I probably am just the opposite gender with a fantasy that most of the men have for us. To me, I think it would be highly intoxicating.

 

Unfortunately, male bi-sexuality is shunned, while female bi-sexuality is "STRONGLY" encouraged. I'm surprised that the club you attended even let them enter as singles. Around these here parts, that is an immediate oust from the club. I don't know that I would care for gay males attending a club as they are strictly same sex only, where as bi-sexuals enjoy both sexes. In my opinion it would be like the hetrosexual couples who seek out the elusive bi-female exclusively and the gay males who would be seeking out another bi-sexual male exclusively. Someone is going to sit out and I have a hard time with that.

[naughty A 23]

Originally posted by sweet_couple21

And for the record, I also believe there should be an all male dance.

 

I have been at clubs where this did happen, men were just as encouraged to get up and do the "bump and grind" strip tease but not the MM play. It was later dropped because basically it just wasn't very well received. Most guys didn't really want to dance and they sure didn't want to watch other guys dance. and the gals just weren't interested enough in encouraging it...

 

plus guys have more difficult clothing arrangements... (uh...the pants get stuck around your ankles... and a guy in boxers/briefs and his socks? just doesn't as sexy as a women in heels and panties.) sorry just my opinion.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Originally posted by naughty A

. . . and a guy in boxers/briefs and his socks? just doesn't as sexy as a women in heels and panties.) sorry just my opinion.

Rarely has a truer word been spoken!