Understanding soft swap

[Learning 160]

We are currently at the soft swap level. We do not have any crazy rules. Only two rules we have is no taking one for the team and no vaginal sex. At this point I'm not too sure about going to a full on my end lately because I honestly hit a wall my own self esteem. Until I get my head back on straight it's off the table. I'm just not comfortable in my own skin right now and to throw that into a bad full swap situation would probably make me run from the lifestyle.

[MrsPandMe 150]

Soft swap is everything short of intercourse with someone other then your partner, by definition. Any other limitations are "rules" and not the actual definition of the term.

 

As for the "why do it at all", there are as many reasons as there are swingers. I can say that a lot of what we've come to understand is what Learning alluded to, nerves. If you and your partner go into the deal with no real need for him to "perform", it takes a lot of pressure off. After all, you don't need a boner to perform mindblowing oral. Without the pressure to get junior into the party, you can concentrate on other things (which, many times, gets Junior into the party). Another big reason is psychological. Watching your wife getting munched by another dude = pretty exciting. Watching your wife get banged by another dude = potentially traumatizing. The last one sees a lot of swingers who start out soft, and once the trust is established and they really do like and trust a couple, they delve into full swap. For the first time, the guy really has to have a connection and trust with the other guy, then he'll feel more comfortable knowing that the other guy will respect HIS feelings as well as his wife's. Once that cherry is popped and he knows he's okay watching his wife with another guy, it's amazing to see how many wonder why they never did this to begin with...

 

Mr. P

[sweet2eat30 17]

Soft swap is everything short of intercourse with someone other then your partner, by definition. Any other limitations are "rules" and not the actual definition of the term.

 

As for the "why do it at all", there are as many reasons as there are swingers. I can say that a lot of what we've come to understand is what Learning alluded to, nerves. If you and your partner go into the deal with no real need for him to "perform", it takes a lot of pressure off. After all, you don't need a boner to perform mindblowing oral. Without the pressure to get junior into the party, you can concentrate on other things (which, many times, gets Junior into the party). Another big reason is psychological. Watching your wife getting munched by another dude = pretty exciting. Watching your wife get banged by another dude = potentially traumatizing. The last one sees a lot of swingers who start out soft, and once the trust is established and they really do like and trust a couple, they delve into full swap. For the first time, the guy really has to have a connection and trust with the other guy, then he'll feel more comfortable knowing that the other guy will respect HIS feelings as well as his wife's. Once that cherry is popped and he knows he's okay watching his wife with another guy, it's amazing to see how many wonder why they never did this to begin with...

 

Mr. P

 

I agree. That's been the way it was for us when we got started

[realcplub2 513]

I hate to be the dissentor here but anyone remember the old saying:

 

In for a penny, in for a pound

 

We have expounded on this subject before. In our eyes, its like this, If we are going to get naked, and enjoy our new found friends...Hands, fingers, toungues applied here there and everywhere.. Why stop short of cumpletion?

 

As far as the definition, its a User defined application - Depends on what they are comfortable with

[shy_couple 459]

We are a soft swap couple. He is straaight and she is bi-crious, friendly,comfortable.. .For us, our profile lists us as willing to try most things short of full swap with the right people.

 

We have been together since HS. She has never beeen penetrated by a man other than him. Soft swap is our second step in the lifestyle, first was voyeurysm/exhibitionism. Things may progress past this for us,then again they may not. We will have to wait and see. For now we are having alot of fun when we find a couple that similar things as us.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Some folks like to get in the pool by coming down the steps on the shallow end. A step at a time, acclimating their bodies to the water. Most eventually ease their entire body in, making their way down to the deep end, then eventually hitting the diving board. Some prefer to stay in the shallow end, wading around, maybe getting a float to chill on.

 

Other folks take off running from the bath house, and do a big fat cannon ball into the deep end. Damn the shock of the cold water, bombs away!

 

Each has their own legitimate reasons for doing it their way. It's how they like to do it. I see swinging and a couple's limits when starting out in much the same way.

[Suncouple 32]

Humanity has a special "thing" for the act that results in procreation.

Your question is sort of like "What's the big deal about rape? It's better than getting punched in the nose." Although there are differences to be sure. I understand. No flames please! I'm on your side!

 

It's just in a special category.

 

I like it!

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, my wife and I had a 'soft swap' rule when we first began and it was a lot of fun.

 

In fact, it was going to 'full swap' that I believe was her downfall in the lifestyle..., and I might add, it was her doing, not mine.

 

Soft swap is foreplay, full swap is the completion. And, just like petting in high school then going home to masturbate, soft swap with friends, then going home to enjoy completion with each other, isn't so bad at all.

 

It's like watching an erotic movie together. You both fantasize about being with one of the charactors but the reason you're watching is to get your blood pressure up for each other!

 

There's nothing wrong with full swapping in the lifestyle, but, there's certainly nothing at all wrong with keeping it soft either! It's just a preference.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Part of the problem with SS, is that the definition does vary from couple to couple. You basically do have to ask them what their rules are as soon as you find out they are SS, to assess whether it's something you want to do.

 

That said, we tend more towards soft-swap and it's simply a comfort factor with my hubby. There are a handful of women he's comfortable enough with to consider a full swap. For us, soft swap, means everything but actual vaginal sex (and we don't/won't do anal).

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Thank you all for the replies. And thank you for taking the question in the tenor it was asked. I really am just trying to understanding the psychology behind it.

 

I understand it is a personal preference, and I respect that, I am just interested in what factors make people draw the line there. I know where I draw my lines, and why. I can certainly see why some lines are drawn, SS I am just fuzzy on frankly. But to each their own.

 

For those of you that started or still are soft swap, can you expound on why you drew the line there and what made you decide to move the line?

 

two4youinswva - I love the pool analogy, it makes sense. I have always been the cannon ball kind of guy I guess, lol.

 

Learning - I have read a number of your post. You seem relatively new to the lifestyle (as are we) and relatively young (as we are not, lol). I am not sure what your self-esteem issues are, but you seem to be a very intelligent, caring and well spoken person. And if you are at all like my wife you are FAR more attractive than you give yourself credit for. Regardless, intelligence, good conversation and confidence are some the sexiest attributes a woman could have. I hope you get you issues resolved because you sound like a great person.

 

ViSexual - If you don't mind me asking, how was going from SS to FS the downfall in your swinging? Not trying to pry, just curious. You won't hurt my feelings if tell me its none of my business.

 

JustAskJulie - that is interesting you are primarily SS, I guess I just assumed your were full. Maybe because you run the board and wrote the book, lol. Anyway it is good to learn something new (for me anyway) about our lovely host.

 

If one thing has come out of this for me, it is that I am more interesting in entertaining the idea of playing with SS couples. I may not have a strong grasp of the "why" for SS, but as socolais said, it's just one more item to add to the menu of fun.

[willyoats 324]

We were full swap from the very first encounter. Sometime after we started we met a really nice couple who became good friends that we did a lot with outside of hte bedroom. They wnated only soft swap, massage and forplay leading up to intercourse with their spouses. We went along because it was fun just doing manual and oral things with them and because we liked them so much that we would play their game and not insist on more.

 

The irony is that she got herpes anyway, almost certainly from oral contact with somebody.

 

We moved overseas and lost contact with them, but my time with her doing soft swap stuff is among my fondest memories of swinging.

[padoc 1,703]

Swinging is about having choices, in playmates AND play. Soft swap is a choice that some couples have made and thats their right. If a couple is upfront with us about soft play, we have no problem playing to the comfort level of the least comfortable in the group. This is supposed to be fun and soft play can be a lot of fun. The ultimate goal of sex is generally an orgasm and we frankly care more that an orgasm happens rather than the orifice in which it happens.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Swinging is about having choices, in playmates AND play. Soft swap is a choice that some couples have made and thats their right. If a couple is upfront with us about soft play, we have no problem playing to the comfort level of the least comfortable in the group. This is supposed to be fun and soft play can be a lot of fun. The ultimate goal of sex is generally an orgasm and we frankly care more that an orgasm happens rather than the orifice in which it happens.

 

Well, personally, I'd say the ultimate goal of sex is sex. Sometimes an orgasm doesn't happen for me and that is fine. For me the goal of play is to experience being physically intimate with someone who excites me.

 

We've been full swap from the beginning, but up until part way through our first outing, we were planning on starting out as soft swap. This was, simply, because my husband was not quite comfortable with the idea of us fucking someone else right away.

 

I think when it comes down to it, there are a lot of reasons why a couple may decide to be soft swap, and they mostly come down to some kind of "not ready" or "not comfortable" feeling. (Or... they could really and truly just have the desire for girl play. It does happen.) Those feelings could stem from low self-esteem, as another poster wrote, or from fear of loss, or a desire for a little fun but also needing to hold back something to feel secure. Whatever the feelings, we respect them even though we don't feel the same way ourselves.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Swinging is about having choices, in playmates AND play. Soft swap is a choice that some couples have made and thats their right. If a couple is upfront with us about soft play, we have no problem playing to the comfort level of the least comfortable in the group. This is supposed to be fun and soft play can be a lot of fun.

 

I wouldn't dispute any of that. The goal for me, as the OP, was to satisfy my curiosity and to better understand why people make that choice, not to criticize them for it or deny them the right to make the choice.

 

We did not make that choice, it did not make sense to us. But the collective knowledge of this forum has helped me better understand why others do. More power to them.

[Pleasure King 16]

I am just curious. I really don't get soft swap. This is in no means a knock on soft swappers, I am just trying to learn and understand.

 

First, definitions seem to be all over the place. I have seen it defined as; FF play only; oral only, finish with spouse; oral only but finish with swap partner; just watching each other (I don't even think of that as swap, just exhibitionism/voyeurism); and maybe another variation or two I am forgetting.

 

Second, and the real question, what is the real barrier to going full swap? The risk of STD is only slightly less, if at all. Oral really isn't that much less intimate than intercourse, so fear of jealousy of one over the other doesn't make sense to me.

 

Can you guys help me understand the motivation behind soft swap?

 

TIA

Mr. Couple

 

 

You're correct in that oral being not that much different in intimacy than intercourse. It's just that seeing another man's penis entering your woman's vagina can be very unsettling for a man. And to a woman it can feel like cheating on her man even though he may be right there watching everything unfold. To some intercourse is the final barrier. It's one thing to see her lick someone's pole and have him cum in her mouth. She's in control. But the minute she lays on her back or gets on all fours for him she surrenders that control to him. She's completely giving herself to another man in the herd of men after her. At least on the surface it appears that she totally submits to him. That can really mess with some couples if they're not ready for it.

 

So as at least one other person has said soft-swing is a way to ease into the swinging world. It's a barrier that people have to find their own way through. But it's way cool when a couple gets to the point of wanting a full swap.

[SoFlaCp 85]

We are full, have been since the first experience. No questions on our part - we've embraced the thrill and just have fun. We have had some soft, and it has been fun. But for both of us, we increasingly want to be with with couples / play that is totally open to the moment. We love spontaneity the rush / smiles that come from letting go.

 

I (guy) find that if my partner is less than enthusiastic, I will lose interest. This has occured in a few soft situations because...well tracking rules and dealing with rationalization can put a damper on things (for us). It is also very confusing to understand the rules (we ask and respect - don't want to go where not wanted)...and then have couple talk and act as if rules are to be bent. I.e. "I want you to fuck me, etc.". Maybe just sex talk but still confusing.

 

In the end, we acknowledge and respect that everyone has their own method and reasons for the lifestyle. But for us, Soft is huge wall that usually fits into our definition of "drama" . We will still try sometimes, but increasingly we just don't pursue a soft couple...and if contacted we make our preference clear. So...yeah, long winded way of saying we don't get soft swap. We also recently decided against newbies for the same reasons after a couple of odd experiences.

[ClosetSwinger 112]

We started out soft swapping.

 

Reason being was that if we couldn't handle soft swap then we would know that full swap would not work for us. I had no idea how I was going to feel seeing my husband with another woman and vice versa. In my head it just seemed easier to get over a soft swap situation rather then actually a full swap where we had both had sex with someone else.

 

After we soft swapped for the first time we almost immediately knew we could handle it and a week later we full swapped.

[Galanga 249]

We’re a full swap couple. Always have been. We stay away from the soft swing crowd. It’s too much like being hungry and watching other people eat. But one of the sexiest encounters I ever had was about 20 years ago with the male half of a couple that wasn’t even soft swing.

 

My husband and I were at our usual swingers club. In those days the clubs were all off-premise, meaning overt sexual contact was prohibited. The clubs were mainly for meeting other couples for an afterparty. But, this club was notorious for “sneaky” activity, like fucking up under the skirt while “dancing” slow. Usually a mob of other couples would pack around the “receptive” woman to shield her extracurricular activities from those off the dance floor. Men would then take turns behind the woman for a quickie up under her skirt. Soon other women would usually be inspired to do the same thing, and it would get very hot very fast. The “dance group” would eventually break up when it got obvious enough that management couldn’t pretend to not notice anymore. They would then cut the music and make a gentle announcement about the rules.

 

So one night after I was the main course in one of these “dance mobs”, I retreated to the washroom to clean up. If you’ve ever done the stand-up-quickie-on-the-dance floor technique, you’ll know that you can’t really bend over far enough for a good penetration. So you arch your butt up just enough for him to “get in, get off, and get out”, and that’s usually a shallow penetration … but quite effective nonetheless. The problem is that when a guy starts cumming, he tends to get overzealous and tries to push it in all the way – resulting in the opposite. It flops out causing the latter half of his orgasm to squirt out all over your ass. So this is a fun, but messy, venture.

 

Anyway, after returning from the washroom my husband and I sat in the lounge area for a cool down period. Across the table from us was a middle aged couple sitting in the booth chair against the wall. They didn’t get up from that corner of the room all night, and it was pretty clear to me that they were newbies. So I started making small talk. The woman was very talkative, the man a lot less so. She was smiley and bubbly, and he had a blank look on his face as his eyes darted from one low cut dress or pair of bare legs to another.

 

After a few minutes I had them analyzed. They were a couple who weren’t swingers and had no intention to ever be. They were a once exciting, but now boring, couple with fading looks, fading ego, and a fading sex life who decided they would spend one otherwise drab night watching the freak show at the swingers club they heard of. She was at one time gorgeous – that was obvious, and to a good degree, still was. But to her, the lines in her face and tits that pointed downward were intolerable. So there she was at a club watching what was in her mind women aging just like her “lowering” themselves in an attempt to cling to whatever youth they had left. Now she could feel good about herself. After all, she’s aging gracefully and has no desire to make a “fool” of herself like THEM. And if that’s not enough, there were men 10 years younger than her staring lustfully at her! Wow, now that’s an ego boost!

 

Her husband, on the other hand, had a rock solid erection in his pants (I’ll get to how I knew that later) and didn’t care one bit about his ego. He wanted to get on that dance floor, and it was quite clear that he watched me while I was on it. He asked his wife twice if she wanted to dance, and her answer was “are you kidding?”. His wife was wearing a blouse buttoned up to her neck and a pair of blue jeans that I’m sure had three layers of underwear underneath. I, on the other hand, was wearing my typical I’m-open-for-quickies-from-behind-on-the-dance floor attire, which consists of a microskirt, halter top, and nothing under either. The woman seemed to enjoy chatting with my husband, most likely because he was her age. Her husband just stared at my cleavage when he wasn’t distracted by some tight ass in a short skirt.

 

Normally we would excuse ourselves from a couple like this, but I decided to have a little fun and toy with his psychology. I reclined in my seat, stretched my leg out under the table, and began to stroke up and down his shin with my foot. At this point he had only two ways to react – he could either reject me, or he could pretend he didn’t notice. Either decision had to be carried out without alerting his wife. The rejection would be to pull his leg back and perhaps shake his head “no” at me. But instead, he did what I expected him to do – under the guise of reaching for his beer, he scooted himself forward so that his torso was pressed against the edge of the table. Now his wife wouldn’t be able to see what was going on under the table.

 

I stared in his face and continued to slowly stroke my foot up and down his shin, reaching slightly higher and higher on his leg with each upstroke. In a short time he was also reclined back so that his hips were protruding under the table. My husband, knowing what I was up to, began to distract his wife with heavy conversation about how swingers are really losers, a topic she in which she would gleefully be engrossed. The man's leg suddenly became apparently itchy. Under the pretense of scratching his leg, he would reach under the table to feel up my thigh. The psychology was great. He wanted to feel me up as much as he could, but couldn’t do it long enough to alert his wife.

 

And I just kept my foot gradually climbing up his leg, eventually finding the space between his legs, and then moving closer and closer towards his penis. Then I stretched both legs forward and both feet between his thighs. Soon his body was in a contortion reminiscent of some medieval torture machine – from the chest up he appeared to be sitting normally at a table nursing a beer. But cloaked by the edge of the table and the bottom of his sternum his hips were reaching desperately for as much of my legs as physics would allow.

 

He kept glancing over to his wife to make sure her bitch session with my husband wouldn’t end before he did. I just kept staring at him blankly. Occasionally he would look at me, but would quickly divert his gaze elsewhere. One of his hands was wrapped around his beer, his forearm resting on the table as casually as if he was watching a card game, while the other hand was now feeling up the side of my thigh continuously.

 

When my foot finally reached his penis it felt like he had a wooden dowel in his pants. Now both my feet began very slowly stroking up and down the shaft of this thing in his pants. And I stared into the face of a man struggling to appear as though he’s waiting for a bus from the waist up, while waiting for an orgasm from the waist down. I curled my big toe into his zipper and made a gesture with it as though I was trying to pull his zipper down and said to him “ya wanna dance?”. By that time another “dance mob” had formed on the dance floor and he was mesmerized by it. His wife instantly perked up with “no, we don’t dance”, which she said to him, not me, then continued her conversation with my husband. In a flash, the hand that was feeling up my leg pulled down his zipper and he retrieved his penis through it.

 

I cupped the arches of my feet into a pseudovagina around his penis and held my feet still as he subtly pumped the head up and down in the crevice, his hips moving no more than half an inch under the table, his chest and head motionless above it, and his hand hastening the goal of all this by taking in the feel of thigh skin. And as the table masked the subtle fury taking place under it, I turned my head to his wife and began describing to her what it’s like to be in the middle of a mob on the dance floor. “See that?”, I said … “ya know what’s happening to her? … Watch that guy … see him get behind her? … You can’t see through the crowd, but watch his face … watch his face … that will tell all … watch … there – did you see his eyes twitch? … His cock just found its target, and now he can feel it climb up inside her. See how she arched her back up to take it in deeper? … That’s the sensation I like the best. When you first feel it go in and you arch up your butt so you can feel it go up into your insides … keep watching his face … it won’t be long now. Sometimes they can stay inside you through the whole thing, but sometimes they get cum on your ass. That’s all part of the fun”.

 

That’s about as far as I got in my description when I felt those warm lashes appear on my legs and the skin to skin friction between my feel suddenly vanish with the lubrication of semen. I glanced over at him and watched his lips and eyes quiver … the expression of a man struggling not to announce the ecstasy to which he wasn’t supposed to be privy that night, especially with a woman almost half his age. About half way through his orgasm I said to him “ya sure ya don’t wanna dance?”. Every pair of tits, every inch of thigh, every contour of ass, and every image of fucking that taunted him that night drained out all over my legs. And I kept my feet clutched around the remnants of his erection, now sliding frictionless, until every drop was out, the whole time I kept describing how messy your ass gets on that dance floor. Then I reached down, slid my hand up my thigh gathering a gob of her husband's desperation, and let it glisten in my hand in the light above the table, and I said "see how messy that dance floor gets ... I must have missed a spot"

 

That was one of the sexiest encounters I ever had … and it didn’t have to involve my pussy.

[noobwithboobs 22]

we are soft swap for a few reasons, but the number one reason is that I am "addicted" to giving head. and he likes to watch me do it. It's exciting for us both. We may full swap sometime, we may not, I don't really know right now. He has insecurities thinking about seeing me having intercourse with another guy, I *think* I am OK with seeing him with another woman, but I guess I won't really know that until it happens. So, for now, we just enjoy what we are doing

[shrevecouple 252]

we are soft swap for a few reasons, but the number one reason is that I am "addicted" to giving head. and he likes to watch me do it. It's exciting for us both. We may full swap sometime, we may not, I don't really know right now. He has insecurities thinking about seeing me having intercourse with another guy, I *think* I am OK with seeing him with another woman, but I guess I won't really know that until it happens. So, for now, we just enjoy what we are doing

 

I know firsthand it's a turn off seeing my guy in full intercourse with another woman. I wish it weren't so but it is. I wish I could wipe it from my memory. It actually replays in my mind at times when I am just sitting snuggling with him watching a movie.

 

No matter how some don't see the difference for some of us there is and we can't help it.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Well, since this thread was unearthed, I'll add to it.

 

We list ourselves as full swap. Any couple we've been with has also been a full swap couple. If I come across a profile that says soft swap only, I'll probably look past it.

 

However there have been plenty of encounters that ended up as soft only. Some due to performance issues, others just didn't quite get to intercourse. And that doesn't bother me in the least. Knowing that intercourse is on the menu but perhaps filling up on the appetizers so that we didn't get to the entree is okay.

 

Opening up the menu and only seeing appetizers is the killjoy. It's purely mental.

 

Though it's probably better to characterize SS as the entree and intercourse as the dessert. Sometimes you make room for it, sometimes you don't.

[occ 148]

We started out full swap. Never really considered soft swap. We didn't do a lot of research so when we jumped in we just assumed it would be full. It was a gut check though the first time I saw another guys cock enter mrs occ. But it was a turn on too. The bigger gut check was the first time someone took her bare. Something about another guy actually cumming in her was so much more intimate than a guy cumming in the condom. But we are full swap and having fun.

[shrevecouple 252]

I think it's funny when a discussion gets started on why soft swap you get mostly arguements about why not full swap. I know alot of you don't realize it but you come across with any underlying tone of like your eyerolling at the thought of "just doing soft swap". It's like even though you say you can have fun with those soft swap only couples your still looking down on them for it.

 

What's the point? All of it is sexual acts. So yes if it's just a tease for you by all means please just pass up those profiles with soft swap only as their interest. Peer pressure is still alive and well when we are adults and you could leave those couples with the feeling that they are somehow less than because they don't fuck. Full swap couples may not always come out and blatantly say derogatory things (some do) but it is heard loud and clear with little sly comments and in the attitudes that come across.

[Learning 160]

What's the point? All of it is sexual acts. So yes if it's just a tease for you by all means please just pass up those profiles with soft swap only as their interest.

 

Amen sister. We are retired now but there was nothing bad about being a soft swap couple. Of course we thought about going full at one point but looking back, I am so happy that we did not.

 

We got a little crap from others but 98% of the people were kosher with it. It's all good. I respect those who are able to go full but myself, I am glad we never dipped our toes in that pool. If we were to get out of retirement, I don't see that changing. Initially I did but now, after being out, I only personally know a handful of couples that can do it right.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I only personally know a handful of couples that can do it right.

 

Are you saying that you know only a handful of couples that can do full swap right?

[Learning 160]

Are you saying that you know only a handful of couples that can do full swap right?

 

Yes, I would said that in my own life that I have encountered in the lifestyle. Not on the board, I think you all tend to do it right because you are really thinking about it. The majority of people that we encountered since 3 years ago are no longer together, broken up, gotten a divorce so to me that is not doing a full swap right in my opinion. Though, this was our experience and should not be generalized to others in the lifestyle. Unfortunately, just our experience...

[two4youinswva 3,068]

The majority of people that we encountered since 3 years ago are no longer together, broken up, gotten a divorce so to me that is not doing a full swap right in my opinion.

 

So, in your opinion, if these couples had stayed with soft-swing only, they would still be married?

[Galanga 249]

Yes, that’s what he’s saying and I can see the logic behind it. Rules between couples are put in place to prevent jealousy issues or feelings of betrayal. But this flies counter to the sexual freedom of swinging. The more oppressive the rules, the greater this conflict. One has to ask why a couple would want to swing, yet feel it necessary to restrict the sex acts. We have been with couples that will allow a cock in every orifice, but no kissing. We’ve been with one couple that only allows anal intercourse between his wife and the other man (no oral or vaginal), while the husband only allows oral sex to be performed on him (no fucking), but will not go down on the other woman. You almost need a list of instructions to play with them.

 

The rules aren’t the problem, but the symptom of it. The underlying problem is the necessity for such rules. And many soft swingers fall into this category. What makes matters worse is sexual arousal is a powerful motivator to “push” limits. Soft swinging sometimes escalates to intercourse … and one partner does the dirty deed usually while the other isn’t looking. We were with a soft swing couple who had a “no intercourse” rule but allowed the husband to masturbate the other woman’s clitoris with the head of his penis. He was doing that to me, but every so often (actually quite often) he would dip it in, then quickly take it out and make it look like he was just rubbing it on me. After about 30 quick “dips” he reached orgasm … taking the first squirt inside me, and the rest on my belly, making a point of having his wife notice the semen ON me (instead of in me).

 

Of course I didn’t blow his cover, but what would have happened had his wife realized what he did? That would have been a betrayal, and a serious problem … one that could have been avoided by not having a rule that invites betrayal.

 

I notice this all the time with bareback sex. At the swingers club we go to there is a lot of quickie intercourse that occurs on the dance floor. At the bar guys pontificate religiously about their insistence on safe sex, even to the point of insultingly ridiculing anyone who entertains the slightest thought of not using a condom. Yet these same men have no qualms about sneaking a bare cock in me on the dance floor when they realize I’ll take it bare … as long as their wives aren’t looking. And I got news for you guys … your wives take it bare when you’re not looking! My 67 year old husband sometimes has trouble even with Viagra. A condom kills him – and he’s so thankful that so many swinger women are hypocrites about condom use.

 

Bottom line – soft swingers fuck, and safe sex pontificators go bare. So just drop all the rules and have fun.

[Learning 160]

So, in your opinion, if these couples had stayed with soft-swing only, they would still be married?

 

They would have probably broken up but the lifestyle excellerated it to a warp speed. I saw so many couples breaking up, it was scary. I'm way too sensitive so it freaked me out which impacted our swing style while swinging. Right before we had our son, there were 5 couples that we knew broke up. The most recent couple was the strangest. We felt something strange about them so we did not swing with them. Within two months, she left him and their two children under 5 to be with a former swing friend.

 

Galanga, you are corrrect but let people progress at their pace. Rules can be set and changed according to what they encounter. What will be will be.

[shrevecouple 252]

 

Bottom line – soft swingers fuck, and safe sex pontificators go bare. So just drop all the rules and have fun.

 

People who respect their partners don't break the rules behind the others backs. Having rules does not automatically mean they are meant to be broken.

 

I wouldn't knowingly help someone break the rules they have set with their partner either. I wouldn't be with that person at all if they don't have enough respect to follow thier own rules.

 

Not all of us are just free willy and your post comes across just like I had mentioned before...pretty condescending.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Bottom line – soft swingers fuck, and safe sex pontificators go bare. So just drop all the rules and have fun.

 

Perhaps, but "No" always means "No". And "Why" is irrelevant.

[shrevecouple 252]

Perhaps, but "No" always means "No". And "Why" is irrelevant.

 

This

[Alura 2,774]

You almost need a list of instructions to play with them.

 

Mightn't a lawyer come in handy, too? We had no rules. In fact, I don't think we ever met a couple who did. Hmmm. I remember one who should have...

 

There was one time when we discussed rules and concluded that we'd have only one. Neither of us would "make love" with anybody else. It was an easy rule to keep; impossible to break.

 

Alura

[ViSexual 1,008]

OK, just reading some old threads and had to revive this one. I hadn't read Galanga's story when this opened in 2010. And it made me think of some fun 'soft swing' things my wife and I have done. And, honestly, they were as enjoyable as any full sway we had.

 

I remember one time we took a trip with another couple in separate cars. We planned on going one place together and then had separate plans afterwards.

 

We were going in convoy and at one rest area we all thought it would be fun to switch partners for a while. So, my wife got in their car, his wife got in with me, and we followed ten minutes behind them for a couple of hours. You can't full swap while driving but you can sure have fun.

 

Another time we were going to a movie with another couple and we sat in the back row and switched partners. It was just like being teenagers again! I'd love doing that again.

 

So, anybody else have interesting, fun, soft swapping ideas?

[weheartsex 25]

We are a soft swap couple. He is straaight and she is bi-crious, friendly,comfortable.. .For us, our profile lists us as willing to try most things short of full swap with the right people.

 

We have been together since HS. She has never beeen penetrated by a man other than him. Soft swap is our second step in the lifestyle, first was voyeurysm/exhibitionism. Things may progress past this for us,then again they may not. We will have to wait and see. For now we are having alot of fun when we find a couple that similar things as us.

 

shy_couple: we feel very similar to your post. we have performed for other people/couples and have had sex in the same room as another couple. but we're not totally sure about the idea of a full swap. we have done some oral same sex action (m on m; f on f) which has been lots of fun! we're happy to perform and watch others cum for us

[willyoats 324]

Our first experience was full swap, separate rooms. That may be a bit unusual for beginners, but it was pretty exciting stuff.

 

After many subsequent full swap experiences, we met a couple who wanted only soft swinging. That was really exciting in its own way. We each REALLY prepared each other for our spouses. We were together many times for many wonderful evenings without intercourse with the other couple. We are still friends after 20 years and will probably die without having intercourse with the swap partner.

 

Soft swinging can be really lovely with the right couple.

[DaggersNRoses 271]

I have found that soft swap can be everything short of vaginal intercourse.

 

We want the sexuality in the experience; the thrill of things sexual. We are starting out with soft swapping because it took the pressure off of me to dive into the unknown and perform well there. Experiences worth having are worth savoring and I am enjoying each step and the build up to the next one.

 

We look forward to finding the moment where soft becomes hard and we can engage in a full swap.

[sweet_tna 680]

My hubby and I jumped feet first into the pool and went straight to full swap. One of our main reason for wanting to swing as that we were curious about what it would be like to have sex with someone else. We've met and played with soft swap couples with no problems, though our preference is for full swap. I know that everyone has their reasons and comfort levels and do NOT look down upon anyone else for choosing a path different than ours.

 

=)