How to tell vanilla friends about hot-tubbing naked and not offend them.

[MapleCpl 67]

Hello,

 

My wife and I have been swingers for the last 15 years. We don't usually try to swing or have sex with vanilla friends, but sometimes the subject of hot-tubbing comes up. For the most part and like many swingers, we hate going in the tub with clothes on, but how do we tell our friends that we'd rather we all go naked.

 

We find this to be a deal breaker and sometimes and people just shy away from the idea of being in the tub naked with us. The thought of being naked in the tub with Vanilla friends turns us on, even if we don't intend to play or cross the line.

 

Please help!!

 

Maple Cpl in Ontario.

[slevin 1,374]

Hello,

 

My wife and I have been swingers for the last 15 years. We don't usually try to swing or have sex with vanilla friends, but sometimes the subject of hot-tubbing comes up. For the most part and like many swingers, we hate going in the tub with clothes on, but how do we tell our friends that we'd rather we all go naked.

 

We find this to be a deal breaker and sometimes and people just shy away from the idea of being in the tub naked with us. The thought of being naked in the tub with Vanilla friends turns us on, even if we don't intend to play or cross the line.

 

Please help!!

 

Maple Cpl in Ontario.

 

If it's your tub, just tell them that the rule in your house is no clothes in the hot tub. Maybe even get a sign to put by the hot tub If it's not your hot tub, then go with whatever their rules are.

 

Personally, there are all kinds of friends we have that I'd rather not see naked

[realcplub2 513]

If it's your tub, just tell them that the rule in your house is no clothes in the hot tub. Maybe even get a sign to put by the hot tub If it's not your hot tub, then go with whatever their rules are.

 

Personally, there are all kinds of friends we have that I'd rather not see naked

 

"Well Reverend, sure you can use our hot tub for next week's baptism, but we have a few rules we need to go over..."

 

But seriously... I have to agree with Slevin... There are some people that can be friends, but please DON'T GO ANY FURTHER. Plus even if it's not someone you consider potential play partners... why bother?

[Lascivious L&L 866]

We've had many vanilla friends in our hot tub naked. It really is not that difficult for the vanilla world to understand nudity in a hot tub. There are many nude beaches, and most nudists aren't swingers.

 

Another approach is to say that you go naked in your own hot tub but they can wear whatever they feel comfortable in. Plenty of times we've been naked while less adventurous folk wear a suit.

 

Nudity and sexuality are not one and the same. I hate going swimming or to jump in a hot tub with clothes on. Fortunately we have our own hot tub, and there are many nude beaches in Vermont. There's even a gorgeous state park with a nude beach. The rangers often stop and chat with the nude beach goers. They're in their uniforms and we're starkers.

[ncmd_couple 597]

There are technical reasons to not allow swimsuits in hot tubs, the main one is that detergent is still in the suit after washing and it will cause the spa to foam up. I have a number of t-shirts that are completely rinsed, they can wear those if they like. But the majority of the time, those that don't want to go nude and wear the t-shirt, soon shuck the t-shirt. Just let it be known and let them choose, it isn't a big deal unless you make it one. My daughters have been in the hot tub nude, no biggie. And they aren't swingers (as far as I know anyway).

[JoCoCpl 99]

IMHO, I guess it comes down to what is more important to you - spending time with your friends or being naked in the hot tub. If they don't want to do both, you'll have a decision to make.

 

Personally, I'd go ahead and wear something to match their comfort level if I'm wanting to spend time with them. We all talk about moving forward at the comfort level of others in the lifestyle, I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't show the same respect for vanilla friends as well.

 

To each their own!

[Newpants 21]

Is it an actual rule of yours to not allow people to wear cloths into the hot tub or do you simply like to be naked in the tub yourself?

 

If it is a rule, there are going to be a lot of people that are simply not going to agree with the rule and choose to not join you.

 

If it isn't an actual rule you can just say that "clothing is optional" and the choice is up to them. A lot of vanillas will hot tub nude and there are swingers that don't.

 

Nude hot-tubbing and swinging are not synonymous.

 

Some people are never going to be comfortable naked in front of other people but many others will do it as long as they feel safe and non-threatened.

 

Is there any possibility that these people that refused were feeling threatened or encroached? Could they have been feeling that you were going to try to get them into some kind of sexual situation?

[MapleCpl 67]

Is it an actual rule of yours to not allow people to wear cloths into the hot tub or do you simply like to be naked in the tub yourself?

 

If it is a rule, there are going to be a lot of people that are simply not going to agree with the rule and choose to not join you.

 

If it isn't an actual rule you can just say that "clothing is optional" and the choice is up to them. A lot of vanillas will hot tub nude and there are swingers that don't.

 

Nude hot-tubbing and swinging are not synonymous.

 

Some people are never going to be comfortable naked in front of other people but many others will do it as long as they feel safe and non-threatened.

 

Is there any possibility that these people that refused were feeling threatened or encroached? Could they have been feeling that you were going to try to get them into some kind of sexual situation?

 

Newpants: Not at all. We just like going into the tub naked and yes, we get turned on knowing we have friends joining us naked. It is not a big deal if they don't go naked.

 

Please read again "we know not to cross the line here"

[PB&J 1,086]

yes, we get turned on knowing we have friends joining us naked. It is not a big deal if they don't go naked.

Please read again "we know not to cross the line here"

 

Sounds like there's a sexual vibe there, even if you were never going to cross the line. Surely your friends would pick up on that?

[Lascivious L&L 866]

We don't mention the hot tub to vanilla friends who are really hung up on nudity. Why even go there?

 

Yes we have gone in with suits with family. It's how I know how much I hate suits in the hot tub. We double rinse our laundry because I hate detergent residues, and haven't had a problem with foam.

 

More often we let the women go naked together and the men go later, when it's family, so as not to offend anyone. Friends, well they can take it or leave it. There's no need to enjoy a hot tub if it's not going to be enjoyable. Their comfort level decides hot tub or not.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Treat your vanilla guests "as vanilla quests" Let them wear their swim suits/undies, keep yours on, and they won't be offended.

[lustylearning 705]

Naaah. All things being equal, I'll keep the swimsuit on.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Given that hot tubs are kept at a perfect temperature and aeration for growing all sorts of nasty microorganisms, an alternative is to politely suggest showering before getting in, providing plenty of towels/robes, and saying that swimsuits are both optional and discouraged to help keep the tub clean for everyone.

[The Fuse 1,012]

You say you don't intend to cross any lines, but you also say you get excited by going in the tub naked with your friends being naked. In my mind by requiring people to be naked in order to enjoy your hot tub, you are asking them to provide you with a sexual charge, whether or not you actually try to touch them. People will pick up on that and feel a bit pressured. If going naked makes them uncomfortable, and you give them the choice of "go naked or don't go", then I don't think that's very nice. Many people aren't comfortable being naked in front of others. The question is, what's more important, your minor sexual charge (which you are getting as a result of their nakedness) or your guests' comfort?

 

If you have a real problem with detergents, etc. and you don't feel you can abide clothes in the hot tub for that reason, then tell your friends that, and offer them the opportunity to enjoy the tub for a few minutes without you in it if they are shy. But if the detergent is not the real reason, and your deal is "to go in the hot tub you have to show me your tits and pussy", well, that's just not on in my opinion.

[CXXC 435]

It should not matter if they are vanilla or lifestyle! Nudity and sex are not all inclusive. I always tell my vanilla friends that I REFUSE to wear ANYTHING in my own hot tub. They are more than welcomed to join me and are even encouraged to do so! I point at the rules I have posted as well! See my blog:http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/blogs/cxxc/694-revenge-hot-tub.html

I think it is fair to ask of your friends. They should be good enough to ask if they are going to be let into your home anyway!

[SecretAsianMan 348]

I was just at a (vanilla-esque) party this weekend where a hot-tub was offered up to the guests... suits weren't required. Nobody really even said anything about it - a couple of folk asked if the hot tub was ready and about five or six folk wandered out to the tub and stripped naked & climbed in.

 

No sex happened ... just naked people enjoying a relaxing soak.

 

People climbed out ... towels were handed over & new folk joined in.

 

Of course, these people were also very comfortable just being naked in front of others... when I asked my friend if I should bring a suit to the party, she replied with a shrug "We just go in our birthday-suits" ... which I was fine with.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We have a hot tub in our basement which of course we always use in the nude when we are alone. On several occasions vanilla friends have commented on the fact that we have a hot tub and we have responded by asking them if they would like to enjoy a soak. They invariably say they would like to but can't because they do not have their swimsuits with them. That is our cue to explain that we do not allow swimsuits to be worn in the tub for the reason that others have mentioned, i.e. the detergent problem. For some people that is the end of the matter but for others it has not been a problem. We have provided them with towels and asked them to shower before joining us in the tub. We make a point of being in the tub ourselves when they join us because that seems to be more comfortable for them. They usually adjust to their nudity quite quickly and it is often the case that we will continue to socialize in our birthday suits after we have come out of the tub. Of course when we have vanilla friends who are nudists over there is no problem at all!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

On more than one occasion when I was younger I was at a party that had a hot tub. When offered the hot tub I simply stated I did not bring a suit. On a few occasions I was told no problem, go without one. I was not up for that back then, but now, I would jump.

 

There was often one or two in the tub sans suit. As the party moved on, usually one or two more would follow suit (no pun intended). There were always curious onlookers, and after a while, some, particularly the ladies, would join in, sometimes nude, other times with T-shirt or just underwear. There is not much difference between wet underwear and no underwear as far as "exposure" goes, and they would often come off.

 

On your invitations, state suits optional. If a guest shows up invite them to the tub. If they reply as I did, respond appropriately.

 

You could also have a designated time for "no suits" rule. From 8-10 suits mandatory . After 10 it is a no suit/suits optional party. Just explain to vanilla friends that some folks prefer no suits in the tub, but for their comfort, you made a suits mandatory period. It might be less offensive to them from that perspective, because it appears you are looking out for them, not trying to get them naked. Who knows they may loosen up and join the sans suit crowd.

 

If going to someone's party, just say "I wish I had brought my suit" and see what the response is. You will soon be able to judge who is comfortable without suits.

 

One funny note. Those that got "comfortable" and went from suits to no suits were almost always (maybe even always) women. The guys would either get naked immediately or not at all. Some of the ladies would start with suits and lose them, or hang out tub side for a while if they did not have a suit, then gradually go in with underwear/T-shirt, and then maybe get rid of those. I always thought it interesting the "I only go in with suit on" ladies would warm up to being naked, but the guys never would. Back then I was one of the guys that never warmed up to it. Now I am a suit off immediately guy. I guess it just takes guys a LOT more time to warm up. LOL

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Bumping this thread back up.

 

Social bathing is blessed with long and deep cultural histories.

 

Japan, for example, celebrates the Onsen (hot springs) experience. Prior to the Meiji restoration (around the time of the American Civil War), men and women bathed nude socially. Gender separation followed and is slowly being reversed.

 

 

 

Here in the USA, nude bathing (hot tubbing) as a social event seems reasonably common in California and in Florida, perhaps a little less so elsewhere. An invitation to join others in a hot tub is taken as an invitation to relax unless the context clearly dictates otherwise. (For example, meeting a couple on an adult dating site, having drinks and dinner with them and subsequently inviting them to your home and into the hot tub is an invitation to [at a minimum soft] play.)

 

Still, the OP is correct--the usual response of vanilla friends to the invitation to join us in the hot tub is to politely decline. The few who accept love it, look forward to coming back, and most eventually remark that they wished that they had taken the opportunity sooner.

 

Would you -- do you -- invite vanillas to your hot tub?

Do you indicate a preference for nude bathing to them?

How would you respond if vanillas invited you to their hot tub--but asked you to wear a 'bathing suit'?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Would you -- do you -- invite vanillas to your hot tub?

Do you indicate a preference for nude bathing to them?

How would you respond if vanillas invited you to their hot tub--but asked you to wear a 'bathing suit'?

 

We do invite vanillas to enjoy the hot tub, but it has always been in conjunction with a pool party, and the two are just steps away from each other and everyone is in their suits anyway so we just kind of go with that.

 

We've commented on we don't have any foam issues in the tub when it's just us, and they just smile and laugh and say "I best you don't!"

 

We'd wear bathing suits no problem, honestly, as much for our comfort as theirs, and even more importantly, since it's their house and tub.

[kikonkrome 844]

I think it would be a bit odd to insist that guests be naked in your hot tub. What happened to the idea of making a guest comfortable in your home? Let's face it the majority of people in North America are very self conscious of their bodies, much less the sex swing part.

 

I would put it inline with prayer before a meal. I and my family do not need it, but if a guest does I have no problem with it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

It depends on who it is. There are some friends that we would and others that we would never even consider it. More importantly, the situation has just not arisen. We do, however, have a sign leading from the deck towards the pool that says 'clothing optional beyond this point'.

[asncpl 729]

It depends on who it is. There are some friends that we would and others that we would never even consider it.

 

That's how I see it too. We don't have a hot tub so it's not something we faced, but I have a pretty good idea which one of my friends would entertain the idea and which ones wouldn't. We have a korean bathhouse in town which is separated by gender but nudity is required, not optional. Those girlfriends who would go with me tend to be the ones that would consider going nude tubbing with the husbands there too. I usually invite them to the russian bathhouse next, which is coed. Most were shy at first but they all ended up naked and relaxed when they realized no one stares or acts pervy and everyone minds their own business.

[Guest Stayingactive]

We have a hot tub and have added blinds that pull down around it for added privacy. We always tell guests that the attire is up to our guests so they can choose based on their comfort level even though we go naked anytime it is just us. Most all guests choose suits so we also put on suits to help them be comfortable. I know some people have a steadfast rule that they never wear suits and others have to conform to their rules. I respect that thinking and I think sometimes it may prompt someone to try hot tubing without suits and find that they enjoy it. For us though we enjoy the relaxing time with friends so we don't let suits or no suits get in the way of enjoying time with our friends.

 

We don't currently have any local friends that are nude friendly that we soak in the hot tub with but we do have one where the wife would like to but husband isn't ready yet. We do have close friends that know we use it naked and know they can join us that way anytime they want. One set of friends have used it on their own naked so that was fun to allow them that experience. We do have some friends that live further away that after hearing the fun we have called up before a visit and asked if they could leave the suits at home this time, we of course said yes, they did, and they had a great experience and now we only hot tub naked with them when they visit.

 

So for us we are open to people knowing we hot tub naked and that it can be a fun, safe, pleasurable experience but in the end we leave the decision to our guests. As the comfort level grows we hope to have more people take us up on it.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Personally, I think that most people would LIKE to hot tub naked (and would if they were by themselves), it's just that most people don't have the...confidence (yeah, we'll use that word) to do it. Too bad really...

[Guest Stayingactive]

Agree 100%.

[Guy1964 177]

So true, Gold Coast. I've been in groups where everyone was thinking it but no one had the nerve to say it. I hope I live the last third of my life with fewer fears than I did the first 2/3rds!

[oc1234 435]

Most of our friends are vanilla nudists so we have already been in a hot tub naked with them. Actually one of the guys we play with occasionally seemed surprised that we spend most of our time around the house nude. We found that strange.

[afterwork 89]

We have a sign for the pool and another posted "Textiles are NOT Optional"

 

Anyone wanting to use our pool or spa will shower first, enjoy a nice oversized robe and matching beach towel. But enter our water features will be allowed only without textiles.

 

Not a sex thing. We worked hard to have these areas to enjoy and we long ago dreamed of having a private area to be nude. Any vanilla friends will either enjoy the nudity or never ask again. As to whether any vanilla friends become amorous with their own partner in our pool/spa.....well they are told it is up to them. They are also told that they might see others enjoying themselves. As long as everyone is happy, we don't interfere.

 

So far all friends that inquire and understood the No Textile rule, have taken to coming back many times. Generally by the fourth visit, they get a little sexual with each other. About two more instances of that, they interact with other friends. (It did take the Pastor and his wife only one skinny dip before they were fucking in the pool. The next visit we had a great foursome with them.)

 

We don't suggest sex, just no textiles and no complaining if others are engaged among themselves. Neat pastor....has a funny way of asking the ladies as he is getting them off if he could get an "Amen,". You can hear a steady stream of "Praise the lord, thank yo lor, and shrieking long guttural aaaaammmmmeeeennnns! all he says his hallelujah

[older couple 132]

My wife and I have a very nice large Hot tub. We have many Vanilla friends over for BBQ and Hot tubbing. Before we invite them over we talk about how we prefer using our Hot Tub nude and with our friends it clothes optional. This way when we ask them they will know we will be nude and if they want to be nude too its ok if not that is ok. The first couple of times we find them wanting to go full clothed or the woman topless. They are uncomfortable with us nude at first but we told them we would be and it's not long till they loosen up don't even seem to notice we are nude. Some are nude with us by the end of the BBQ and others are just content to look at us.

[Guest]

We had a hot tub and friends would drop hints of interest. Our response was always, it's a small tub, hard to keep in balance so we always go in naked so the softeners, detergents, chlorine from our bath suits don’t mess up the ph balance. That seemed to be accepted. Most were still interested.