As a sexually active person, would you find this useful?
43 members have voted
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Similar Content
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By RRTpilot6969
My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
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By HotCplUk3040
Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion.
It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blacklisted or is there a place for this?
We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?
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By TeamAniston
Met a single guy for a date recently. I really liked him. We started to play a little and when I touched his cock I felt a small scab on the shaft and a bump just at the base --not on the penis but like in the area around the base.
I know I should've asked him about it then but I didn't. I diverted the session back into a heavy make out with no other play.
I ask my husband's advice about it upon returning home and he offered up several explanations of what it could be- a mole (he had one removed from that area after all), razor burn irritation, an ingrown hair. The scabbed area on his cock he said could be from jerking off too much/too hard- he admitted to getting those sometimes in his single days when all he had was his hand.
I am not trying to make excuses for him but just really trying to look at both sides. It could be HPV or herpes (I dont think so though-- the bump was rather large for herpes I think--and not clustered). I'm more concerned about HPV but I wouldn't say the area was flat either- it felt like a raised bump- like how an ingrown hair or mole might feel.
It doesn't make sense to me that he'd expose his cock to me with a raging infection of some sort but obviously, I'm not about to take that chance. He also offered zero explanation for it at the time which makes me wonder. I also did not ask him about it though.
Since we were in a parked car, I did not see it at all. I only felt it long enough for my hand to glide down the shaft of his cock.
I'm scared to offend him. I know I need to bring it up to him (I will not play with him without answers) and I know he deserves the chance to explain it to me. After all, it may be completely harmless but I know it's my right to ask these questions and get answers.
Such a sensitive topic. I know that being direct and honest is the best way to deal with this but thought I'd ask others advice before bringing it up to him.
So guys, how would you like to be approached in this situation?
Ladies, have you found yourself in a similar situation? What a did you do?
I thought about sending him an email - I realize that's somewhat of a cop out but that way it gives me time to write out what I want and then gives him time to process it and decide how to respond.
Advice? Comments? Suggestions? All are appreciated.
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By funstuff
Hey guys,
We're new to this whole swinging thing and haven't gotten started yet. The one thing that really bugs me is safety! Obviously condoms for intercourse are a given.
I read an article the other day about how rampant mouth/throat cancer has become because of HPV transmitted through oral sex.
Oral sex with condoms is just about worse than no oral sex at all!
Don't know what to do... how do you all handle safety?!
Thanks!
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By Dont.Stop
We are 40-somethings, less than six months into the lifestyle. But we've played plenty in that time. Met a couple a a party last weekend. 50-somethings, and plenty experienced. We got to talking and touching in the pool. While Mrs. DontStop and the male continued pool play, I led the female upstairs. Since it was obvious from the underwater action she was ready to mount me right there, I told as we headed up that we play safe. She said ok, but her husband didn't have any condoms.
We played upstairs and later they joined us. After some time he was ready to mount Mrs and we stopped him and said "You gotta wrap it first."
He didn't say much after that, and within in a few minutes he said he was taking a break and left the room, and us in a FMF situation.
Did we fail here, not expressing safe play to him ahead of time?
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