Jump to content

As a sexually active person, would you find this useful?  

43 members have voted

  1. 1. As a sexually active person, would you find this useful?

    • Yes
      13
    • No
      32


Recommended Posts

Another thing I forgot to add under...

2. I assume that people will use it as a substitute for doing their own leg work.

 

What if the couple you're talking to has an std, and through the use of this credit score, they decline to get with you because you don't? Maybe they wanted to get with someone who had the same std that they had so they wouldn't be spreading anything. In that case, you should be appreciative of the fact that they took your health in consideration when getting with you. That is unless you just want to get with people that have stds. Then I guess that would be a different story, but at least they saved themselves the possible embarrassment of having it known that they had an std, and can more effectively serosort as a result of it.

Share this post


Link to post

I don't like the idea because it pigeon holes couples into a group. I find labels are nearly always bad in this part of my life.

 

Just because my wife and I are wild in July doesn't mean we will feel wild in September but try us again in December.

Share this post


Link to post

Trojan Defense - Suffice to say we are not seeing eye to eye, and probably will not.

 

Like Alura said, "progress". A "work in progress" generally connotes that some logistical, functional or systematic hurdles have been overcome. This proposal seems to have not even made it past the idea stage to the drawing board, let alone resolved obvious problems in its concept. If it has we have seen no evidence of it, even though it has been requested time and again. So we make assumptions and work off of them. Give us something concrete and maybe we can critique that, until then, assumptions are the best we have.

 

Your arguments are all over the place. When I said "I trust my own judgment and investigation over a systems like this," I was speaking specifically to STFREE.com, which was held up as an example of how this MIGHT work. You said, "One incorrect assumption that you make is that this is necessarily a substitute for getting to know someone." You made an assumption about what I said in that case.

 

I wouldn't substitute this, or any other system for getting to know someone. But to be fair to you, yes I assume many would. And you seem to agree. "If your credit score is below a certain level, there is no need for the loan officer to do any additional legwork (unless he just wants to waste his time)"

 

This is a contradiction. Which is it? Did I make the wrong assumption that people would not take the time get to know other or is it a waste of time to do so?

 

Before you respond, I took into account what you said about intent of friends vs. sex. Many of us make friends within the community that we have no intent on have sex with. The conversations, between making friends and ascertaining sexual compatibility are very different. Detailed sexual information, such as STI status, is not normally part of "just friends" conversation. And I do believe that for those who put stock in this system, the conversation would never evolve from "friends" to the "sexual compatibility" in some cases, because, as you said, that would be a waste of time.

 

AS for swingers having a poor score. Yes, highlander did address that. He used a number of statistics, but failed to supply links for most of his assertions. But two of the links, he did provide, seem to support what I was say about swingers having higher risk score. The third, a link to a portion of a study, seemed to deal primarily with homosexuality, bi-sexuality and IV drug use in relations to contracting HIV/AIDS and death from that disease. In fact, when it came to heterosexual males, they state that they adjusted to their formula based on the assumption that the female partner "must be an IV drug user". Bisexuals were identified as higher risk and are a known bridge for HIV to heterosexual communities. Bi-sexuality is common in the swinger community, so again I don't see how that contradicts my assumption.

 

My personal experience is very much applicable. I have seen hundreds if not thousands of systems over the years. I have yet to see one that is perfect. But my comment was not so much about systems, it was about the blanket statement, "A well designed system would account for this." System designers like to think they have everything covered, they rarely do. That statement is one that usually triggers my request to show me that it works. More times than not, the system failed the testing.

 

Wright brothers and the internet. LOL! It is well documented that the Wright brothers went out of their way to keep what they were doing a secret. As is the case with most inventors, by the way.

 

You are frustrated because people tell you it "can't work". That is the life of an inventor. I heard Dr. DeBakey speak in the early 2000's, and he echoed the same sentiment. Trail blazers catch grief, the good ones answer with success not by being critical of people’s opinions.

 

If you don't put stock in polls, why did you create this one?

 

This forum is not about STD's and Safe Sex. It is about the swinging lifestyle. STD/Safe sex is but one of a couple of dozen topics that are covered. I think what Alura is pointing out is that you only post on this topic. As swingers we are all interested in this topic, but it seems to be the only one you are interested in. This leads me to believe you are not in the lifestyle, but are here to glean some knowledge on the subject. That is fine, but it might behoove you to be answer criticisms of the proposal rather than telling people their opinions are "wrong assumptions"

 

By the way, you never have addressed any of the hurdles that need to be overcome; do you plan on doing so? Or are you here looking for us to solve those problems?

 

This seems to have turned into a pissing match, so unless you have something constructive to add or ask, I think it is a waste of time for me to continue to post to this thread. Good luck on creating your system, if it works well, I will gladly use it.

Share this post


Link to post

I will agree with you on one thing: continuing this discussion does seem rather pointless.

 

As for my comment to Alura about why I am talking about stds, and safer sex so much, I mistakenly referred to this part of the forum as a forum in and of itself. The point is, posting anything other than stds and safer sex in this part of the forum would be off topic, so that only leaves me with one thing to talk about whenever posting here. (Thought that'd be obvious.)

Share this post


Link to post
Quote

 

Couplerotic wrote:

 

Like Alura said, "progress". A "work in progress" generally connotes that some logistical, functional or systematic hurdles have been overcome. This proposal seems to have not even made it past the idea stage to the drawing board, let alone resolved obvious problems in its concept.

 

Quote

Trojan Defense replied:

 

As for my comment to Alura about why I am talking about stds, and safer sex so much, I mistakenly referred to this part of the forum as a forum in and of itself. The point is, posting anything other than stds and safer sex in this part of the forum would be off topic, so that only leaves me with one thing to talk about whenever posting here.

 

 

An answer somewhat related to the question would be good, Trojan Defense. Nevertheless, let me give you an actual sincere suggestion on how to proceed in getting this "work" "progressing" onto paper and, thus, a plan.

 

Who will administer this plan? and most importantly,

 

Who will pay for it and with what funds?

 

My suggestion would be The Center for Disease Control could create your plan and design the website on which folks might get answers. Your plan could, like all other medical care, be funded by a tax on products or activities that make people seek health care. Twenty-five cents on each box of bullets sold in America might be the established tax that would pay for treatment of gunshot wounds. Cars might have to be taxed $50.00 to cover the costs of treating auto accident victims. Thousands of items would need to be studied actuarily (Is that a word?) to determine their taxes. A surcharge would be needed to cover costs that were expended to lower the incidence of disease... in this case STDs. The CDC has most of the needed statistics to do this.

 

The tax revenues would be paid directly to the Non-Profit Health Care Provider (Blue Cross-Blue Shield comes to mind as a national and experienced non profit provider.) who would fund the costs of implementation. A cool thing about this would be that everybody would eventually pay for their health care before they needed it.

 

Get started on that and you'll be well on your way to seeing your plan thrive, eventually to having a statue of you at Johns-Hopkins and Harvard Medical. Your "Hero of the People" medal would be at the Smithsonian.

Share this post


Link to post
My suggestion would be The Center for Disease Control could create your plan and design the website on which folks might get answers.

 

Its a nice suggestion, though, according to my sources, such a plan would not work due to political reasons. That said, I do realize the scope of such an endeavor would require the help of experts whose knowledge and resources exceeds my own.

 

Get started on that and you'll be well on your way to seeing your plan thrive, eventually to having a statue of you at Johns-Hopkins and Harvard Medical. Your "Hero of the People" medal would be at the Smithsonian.

 

Thanks, but I really do not seek fame, or notoriety in the pursuit of these ideas. Simply put, what I seek is to make a positive difference, and if successful, that is reward in, and of itself.

Share this post


Link to post

As for my comment to Alura about why I am talking about stds, and safer sex so much, I mistakenly referred to this part of the forum as a forum in and of itself. The point is, posting anything other than stds and safer sex in this part of the forum would be off topic, so that only leaves me with one thing to talk about whenever posting here. (Thought that'd be obvious.)

 

Just to clarify, and make sure I understand (I'm slow sometimes); you do realize there are other forums besides STD/Safe Sex within swingersboard.com, correct?

Share this post


Link to post
Trojan Defense said:
Its a nice suggestion, though, according to my sources, such a plan would not work due to political reasons. That said, I do realize the scope of such an endeavor would require the help of experts whose knowledge and resources exceeds my own.

 

"If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you're right." —Henry Ford

 

Quote
Thanks, but I really do not seek fame, or notoriety in the pursuit of these ideas. Simply put, what I seek is to make a positive difference, and if successful, that is reward in, and of itself.

 

Your nobility is laudable but sometimes one must endure the cost of fame when successful in the pursuit of one's dreams.

Share this post


Link to post

If such a thing existed then every swinger would automatically (based on probability, not even getting into tests themselves) have a low credit score. Just the fact that you engage in swinger type sex increases your risk and therefore lowers your 'credit' score.

Share this post


Link to post

Maybe it could be like the purity test, everyone tries to score lower :)

Share this post


Link to post
JustAskJulie said:
If such a thing existed then every swinger would automatically (based on probability, not even getting into tests themselves) have a low credit score. Just the fact that you engage in swinger type sex increases your risk and therefore lowers your 'credit' score.

 

There are relatively few studies on STD prevalence among swingers vs. other populations. A Dutch study suggested swingers had a slightly higher risk of STD's that then general population. There are a LOT of other factors to consider there:

a) does one tend to choose partners from a pool that have good public health resources and access to healthcare?

 

b) Does one choose partners that are users of hard drugs(meth, coke, opiates). HIV has a clear association with IV drug use-but non-IV use of meth/coke also increase risk per coital contact. Having a partner who is either an IV drug user or associates with them is a major risk factor for HIV. One Canadian study showed that non-drug using prostitutes had a lower risk of STD's than the general population.

 

c) age(very young and very old appear most susceptible to HIV for example)

 

d) Alcohol. 40% of new HIV infections are among alcoholics-which are only 8% of the population. Why?

impaired judgement (it is hard to use a condom when you are loaded), riskier social networks, and

possibly impact on the immune system.

 

Many couples where one thinks they are monogamous are NOT. A big chunk of the customers of IV drug using prostitutes(both gay or straight) are married men.

 

I don't think we are at the point that swinging is a clear HIV avoidance strategy-but I think in time that could become the case.

Share this post


Link to post
Bi-sexuality is common in the swinger community, so again I don't see how that contradicts my assumption.

please keep in mind:

there are VERY different populations of MSM.

 

Most MSM do not engage in anal sex-and that is where HIV risk is concentrated.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By RRTpilot6969
      My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
       
      I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
       
      I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
       
      She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
       
      My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
       
      But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
       
      It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
       
      Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
       
      With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
       
      I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
    • By HotCplUk3040
      Ok so this may be a bit taboo and yes there are plenty of issues that come with this… but our conversation (and fantasies) revolve around swapping and sex in this fashion.
       
      It might sound silly but is this frowned upon in swinger circles? Would we be blacklisted or is there a place for this?
       
      We wouldn’t be sleeping around and maybe hope to find a regular couple or 2 to have this fun with, but as a general rule what’s the community’s approach to those coming in and looking to have bareback sex?
    • By TeamAniston
      Met a single guy for a date recently. I really liked him. We started to play a little and when I touched his cock I felt a small scab on the shaft and a bump just at the base --not on the penis but like in the area around the base.
       
      I know I should've asked him about it then but I didn't. I diverted the session back into a heavy make out with no other play.
       
      I ask my husband's advice about it upon returning home and he offered up several explanations of what it could be- a mole (he had one removed from that area after all), razor burn irritation, an ingrown hair. The scabbed area on his cock he said could be from jerking off too much/too hard- he admitted to getting those sometimes in his single days when all he had was his hand.
       
      I am not trying to make excuses for him but just really trying to look at both sides. It could be HPV or herpes (I dont think so though-- the bump was rather large for herpes I think--and not clustered). I'm more concerned about HPV but I wouldn't say the area was flat either- it felt like a raised bump- like how an ingrown hair or mole might feel.
       
      It doesn't make sense to me that he'd expose his cock to me with a raging infection of some sort but obviously, I'm not about to take that chance. He also offered zero explanation for it at the time which makes me wonder. I also did not ask him about it though.
       
      Since we were in a parked car, I did not see it at all. I only felt it long enough for my hand to glide down the shaft of his cock.
       
      I'm scared to offend him. I know I need to bring it up to him (I will not play with him without answers) and I know he deserves the chance to explain it to me. After all, it may be completely harmless but I know it's my right to ask these questions and get answers.
       
      Such a sensitive topic. I know that being direct and honest is the best way to deal with this but thought I'd ask others advice before bringing it up to him.
       
      So guys, how would you like to be approached in this situation?
       
      Ladies, have you found yourself in a similar situation? What a did you do?
       
      I thought about sending him an email - I realize that's somewhat of a cop out but that way it gives me time to write out what I want and then gives him time to process it and decide how to respond.
       
      Advice? Comments? Suggestions? All are appreciated.
    • By funstuff
      Hey guys,
       
      We're new to this whole swinging thing and haven't gotten started yet. The one thing that really bugs me is safety! Obviously condoms for intercourse are a given.
       
      I read an article the other day about how rampant mouth/throat cancer has become because of HPV transmitted through oral sex.
       
      Oral sex with condoms is just about worse than no oral sex at all!
       
      Don't know what to do... how do you all handle safety?!
       
      Thanks!
    • By Dont.Stop
      We are 40-somethings, less than six months into the lifestyle. But we've played plenty in that time. Met a couple a a party last weekend. 50-somethings, and plenty experienced. We got to talking and touching in the pool. While Mrs. DontStop and the male continued pool play, I led the female upstairs. Since it was obvious from the underwater action she was ready to mount me right there, I told as we headed up that we play safe. She said ok, but her husband didn't have any condoms.
       
      We played upstairs and later they joined us. After some time he was ready to mount Mrs and we stopped him and said "You gotta wrap it first."
       
      He didn't say much after that, and within in a few minutes he said he was taking a break and left the room, and us in a FMF situation.
       
      Did we fail here, not expressing safe play to him ahead of time?
×
×
  • Create New...