How to get out of a bad play situation?

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I am posting this question for a swinging couple we play with often. We are both wondering what she and her husband SHOULD have done in this situation. We as well as they have been in the lifestyle for about a year and a half....so while we aren't newbies, we arent seasoned either which obviously resulted in my friend and her hubby's awkward situation.....she is here with me as I type this btw. Here's what happened.

 

We (as in my hubby, her hubby, she and I) went to a swinger club together. We met up with a couple that we had all viewed on SLS we'll call them "The XYZ's". None of us were very attracted to this couple but we are always up for making new friends. To make a very long story short, my friend and her hubby ended up going back to a hotel with "The XYZ's". She and hubby had both had a few drinks. Before they left my friend pulled me to the side and said "do you think I will regret this in the morning" to which I replied "ugh....maybe?" I didnt want to say OMG RUN because while they werent attractive to me they may have been to her and so I just said maybe.

 

She explained to The XYZ's that she has a MAJOR body hair issue...and asked the guy if he was hairy. He said OH NO NOT AT ALL, so she believed him.

 

On the drive to the hotel, Mr. XYZ kept saying "i might be 40 but my cock is only 25"....."i can go forever so I hope your hubby won't get mad"....etc etc etc.

 

These things were NOT turning her on in fact, she started to feel suddenly very sober....wishing for a way out.

 

They get into the room initially things were going well, Mr. XYZ then took off his shirt and my friend was MORTIFIED. He was a SASQUATCH. So here's my friend......with her hair issue, (that she had explained to said man) faced with a man that is so hairy you could braid his nipple hair.

 

sigh

 

He also had quite a belly BUT that wasn't so much the issue. She does not expect perfection at all but the INSANE amount of hair excentuated the belly.

 

Then he removed his pants and that's when my friend realized her night was not going to go well........

 

He was uncircumsized......which she has NEVER encountered before, never even seen one in real life and so let's add things up

 

HAIRY

BIG BELLY EXCENTUATED BY HAIRINESS

UNCIRCUMSIZED PENIS (first one she had ever seen)

 

But wait there is more.

 

He could not get it up......at all. She tried with all her might despite being mortfied. She thought if she just closed her eyes she could overlook all those things but he just could not get an erection.

 

His wife then came over and tried for a while and still NOTHING.

 

At this point both women are with hairy man TRYING TO HELP HIM while the other man laid on the other bed watching basketball....eventually falling asleep.

 

They continued trying to get him hard AT HIS INSISTENCE for about an hour and a half. He kept saying things like "your not leaving here until I fuck you".My friend was ready to give up on several occasions but he wouldnt have it. Finally my friend went to go to the bathroom thinking when she came out everyone will have given up...no such luck. She came out and he was sitting in a chair masterbating....still with no erection. He motioned for her to come to him so she began sucking him as did his wife. Then he SNAPPED at my friends husband and pointed towards his wife as if to say go to her. The hubby came to her, put a condom on and began having sex with Mrs. XYZ when she motioned for him to stop. Mr. XYZ (aka hairy man) still was not getting hard.

 

A few minutes later he did start to get an erection, he picked my friend up carried her to the bed, put a condom off and lost the erection. Finally at that point he said I GIVE UP and then told his wife to play with my friend and her hubby that he would just sit there. They all agreed that was a bad idea and that maybe it was best they just try another time.

 

They left and have not really talked to the couple since.

 

What would you have done to cut this situation short of the two hour horribleness that it was without hurting anyone's feelings?

[Alura 2,774]

My guess is that control was lost about the time y'all walked into the hotel. Too bad about the ...shall we say... misrepresentation. It had to have been a mood killer. I also suspect that Mr. XYZ sensed your lack of attraction, rendering him soft, but it was his fault. He seemed to be somewhat cloddish, as well.

 

I actually think y'all did quite well considering the circumstances. I can't imagine how the situation might have been saved.

 

I wouldn't suggest trying further to develop a friendship with the XYZ's. Better for the four of y'all to play together and perhaps add a third couple down the road if possible.

 

Alura

[Guest rdy46227]

Oh My!

 

I think I might have left the oven on back home and need to go check!

 

(Actually, we have a couple of prearranged signals that tell each other it's time to make a polite but firm exit.)

[slevin 1,374]

Two things: if we weren't feeling it we wouldn't have gone to the hotel at all. When at the hotel I would have tried to politely decline to play and go home. If they wouldn't take my polite decision to leave I'd be frank about the reason. No worries about hurting their feelings if they won't accept my decision to leave. I also wouldn't play with them just to avoid the discomfort of turning them down.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Mr. XYZ was a true 'meon'! Maybe we should all learn to just be rude to them?

 

But your friends sound like nice folks and, being nice folks, they did what most nice folks would have done in the same situation. The team took one for the team!

 

And sometimes these bad moments (or in this case hours) can have a lasting good outcome. You learn from them.

 

The one thing that she might have done was to be more honest about the hair. That would have been a way to get out of it without having to insult the XYZ's. Being hairy ins't something that's insulting, it's just something some people are. Hey, I personally love my women a bit hairy!

 

And, most of all, remember..., it's never too late to just say no.

[ClosetSwinger 112]

Thanks for all the replies everyone!

 

I do get that many of you would have just ended it but how to say that?

 

"Ugh dude you are hairy we are so getting out of here"?

 

I think that was really the problem, how do you say I AM SO NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.....without being mean...esp when you are in that situation where it's sort of already agreed that everyone is going to play?

[LagniappeDC 313]

Wow, seems like lots of poor decision making here. If you have to ask "will I regret this," the answer is probably yes.

 

What really strikes me here is that the "xyz" hubby sounds like a real asshole. Let's be clear, he basically lied about his body hair situation when asked a direct question about it. Also, whatever your feels about uncircumcised penises, I would think that he would bring it up.

 

All that being said, any man who lets a woman try to get him up for 90 minutes is just an ass in our opinion. But where he crosses the line is when you say that the woman kept trying "at his insistence." You also then use words like he "snapped" at your friends husband. Um, hello. ALARM BELLS. This guy is just unstable, controlling, etc.

 

The fact is, your friends simply need to stand up for themselves. Yes, they may have gotten themselves into a bad situation, but there are no rules that demand they follow through with it.

 

Now clearly, this guy was a jerk and letting him know that may have caused an altercation, but in this case they didn't owe the other couple any explanation. A simple "This isn't working for us" should have been enough. Quickly get dressed and walk out.

 

Heck, in ANY situation - even with a great couple - if you can't simply say, sorry this isn't feeling right, then you are with the wrong couple. It's up to you whether you want to offer an explanation.

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I agree when they told me the guy SNAPPED at my friends hubby I was like UHM.....YEH that would NOT have flown with me at all. Especially considering how awful everything was going. I think they were just so at a loss of how to exit the situation they just kept trying to go with it in the hopes that things would get better although it never did.

 

Lesson learned for them....and luckily for us too..I'm just glad it wasnt me! HA HA!

[ClosetSwinger 112]

Oh yeah and I meant to add one of the reasons it was hard to just leave was the fact that the other couple DROVE THEM to the hotel. They did not have thier car with them (that mistake won't happen again). The other couple had to drive them back to their car. CAN YOU SAY AWKWARD CAR RIDE FOR ALL INVOLVED?

[sexcupid 809]

Oh yeah and I meant to add one of the reasons it was hard to just leave was the fact that the other couple DROVE THEM to the hotel. They did not have thier car with them (that mistake won't happen again). The other couple had to drive them back to their car. CAN YOU SAY AWKWARD CAR RIDE FOR ALL INVOLVED?

 

This was mistake number one (besides your friend wondering "am I going to regret this?" lol). Heck, I learned this lesson just going out with vanilla friends...you are stuck like chuck when someone else is in the driver's seat.

 

As for the rest...I agree the guy misrepresented the body hair issue. But even with clothes on, your friend should have been able to see the big belly. An un-circ'd cock probably isn't that big of a deal to the guy, so he probably didn't think to mention that (some people mention it in profiles, but honestly...once its hard, it looks like a circ'd cock).

 

He does sound like an ass...but it may very well have been a display of his frustration about not being able to get hard.

 

And tell your friend to call a cab next time. In most cities just dial 222-2222 and you can get ahold of one. lol

 

Lesson learned...one of these days it'll be a funny story to tell.

[Alura 2,774]

Lots of mistakes made; lots of lessons learned.

 

"On, King! On into the future!"

 

Alura

[ClosetSwinger 112]

haha IT'S ALREADY A FUNNY STORY TO TELL FOR ME! They even laugh now about it too.

[funat40 16]

What a nightmarish situation. No one should ever feel "forced" to do anything they don't want to do in a swinging situation (or any other situation.) My wife and I have a standing agreement that if we're ever in a situation where one of us isn't completely comfortable with what is happening, we immediately make an excuse to duck away in private, and then find a way to escape gracefully.

 

In this situation, I would have made some excuse (too much to drink, don't feel well, gotta go) and we would've bolted the minute the guy dropped his shorts and revealed that he wasn't what she thought he was.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I do get that many of you would have just ended it but how to say that?

 

"Oh wow! I'm starting to feel a bit sick. Need to give me a few minutes."

** wait 5 minutes feigning issues while hubby shows deep concern**

"I'm sorry guys. It's not getting better. We better call this off".

 

 

Yeah, it's a lie, but it gets you out of confrontation if that's what you want to avoid. Besides, she probably was feeling a little under the weather after they got to the room.

[realcplub2 513]

Thanks for all the replies everyone!

 

I do get that many of you would have just ended it but how to say that?

 

"Ugh dude you are hairy we are so getting out of here"?

 

I think that was really the problem, how do you say I AM SO NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.....without being mean...esp when you are in that situation where it's sort of already agreed that everyone is going to play?

 

 

Sometimes a direct question isn't quite as clear as you think, you friends asked him if he was hairy.. And he answered , but the key is, He MAY have misunderstood, and while being hairy everywhere ELSE, nay have been shaved or trimmed up down below.. Esp since your friend spent so MUCH TIME THERE.. If they werent feeling it, at any point... STOP and say thats enough.. remember the dasic tenant of our lifestyle..

 

No still means NO

 

As you explained throughout all your posts there were MANY mistakes, and the least of which being, going with someone that, they weren't really that into.. Obviously, he wasn’t ADONIS, but there are usually some clues that stand out.. How was this guy DRESSED in the club? was he wearing a CORSET? A TURTLENECK?

 

Now after the fact, I would suggest, taking the experience and filing it away in the memorybanks as a check list of WHAT NOT TO DO..

 

AND as far as future contact with the XYZs, be cordial but be clear, friends is fine, not interested in another ride on the merry go round (or the SILLY PUTTY as the case may have been). If they have anything negative to say, then write them off, with the warning

 

No one wants NEGATIVE feedback but it happens doesnt it

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I am really enjoying reading all these replies and I am DEFINITELY going to remember the "ugh I suddenly am feeling ill" act. I'll pass it on to my friend.

 

BTW he also was not shaved down there.

 

I think alcohol came into play......ya know the saying "drink until she's pretty"? I will give my friend this though I honeslty DID NOT notice the big belly that night and was shocked when she told me about it, he must have hidden it well. He was wearing jeans and a baggy t shirt. Again the belly wasnt the deal breaker though...it was more of the hair and uncirc'd surprise penis I think.

 

Many lessons learned here!

[Newpants 21]

 

None of us were very attracted to this couple

 

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[Suburbia 130]

"your not leaving here until I fuck you"

 

This is when the night should have ended.

[Suburbia 130]

 

I do get that many of you would have just ended it but how to say that?

 

 

It was his own words that ended it... even going the extra mile to make the attempt... the moment he said "You are not leaving until..."

 

The hotel will gladly make arrangements for a taxi. No words necessary at that moment, he crossed a line, just leave. It doesn't have to be ugly, but it can no longer be polite because he crossed a line. Its a very dangerous statement to just toss around casually.

 

I am certain that my husband would have stopped things at that moment, and if he didn't he would have gotten the signal from me. "I'm sorry but this situation is not working out for us and we need to leave now."

 

All rebuttals would either go unanswered or a curt "we're leaving now."

 

At that moment of "you are not leaving until" crossed a major line with me. No always means no its a fundamental law of swinging.

 

None of us like to hurt someone's feelings. But we really do need to practice being okay saying no. Its not easy for a lot of us but it is very necessary for the play we do.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

First - we would have never left the bar. When she asked if she would regret it, our Rule #3 would have kicked in. She clearly was unsure. (we have a handful of rules we live by, 6 to be exact)

 

#3. If you are unsure about a situation then you can be sure its the wrong situation, stop whatever you are doing and move on.

 

Any number of things that happened at the hotel would have fallen under rule #5

 

#5. If you are no longer having fun then stop.

 

As for how? I am very honest, even blunt. It is my job to understand where my wife is at and communicate with her, even if it is nonverbal. Knowing she was not into him I would just have said politely as possible "it is not happening tonight guys, time we go". If asked why, my would reply be "does it really matter, it is over for tonight". If pushed I would likely tell him straight up, (I lose more and more tact when I am pushed) she told you she is not into hairy guys, you are HAIRY! You are delusional or lied, which causes me to ask what else you have not been truthful about. nuf said.

 

We don't like embarrassing someone or hurting their feelings if they are truthful and respectful. It sounds like he was neither, so hurting his feeling falls so far down my, "I give damn" list as to not be visible.

 

If you feel you can't be that honest/blunt, there are a number of ways out.

 

"I am not feeling well all of a sudden, I must have drank tooooooo much. I feel like I am going to throw up!"

 

GO to the bathroom and send a text, saying you need to get home now! The baby sitter is ill.

 

"I can't find my diamond bracelet, I need to get back to the bar now!"

 

"OMG, I forget my medication" (leave em hanging on what the meds are for, lol)

 

What ever you need to say, just get the hell out of there.

 

As for riding with them?!? Cabs are cheap.

[piglet6870 15]

omg! that is one horrible experience for them, i am so sorry to hear that it happened.

[magnum 78]

I am posting this question for a swinging couple we play with often. We are both wondering what she and her husband SHOULD have done in this situation. We as well as they have been in the lifestyle for about a year and a half....so while we aren't newbies, we arent seasoned either which obviously resulted in my friend and her hubby's awkward situation.....she is here with me as I type this btw. Here's what happened.

 

We (as in my hubby, her hubby, she and I) went to a swinger club together. We met up with a couple that we had all viewed on Swing Lifestyle we'll call them "The XYZ's". None of us were very attracted to this couple but we are always up for making new friends. To make a very long story short, my friend and her hubby ended up going back to a hotel with "The XYZ's". She and hubby had both had a few drinks. Before they left my friend pulled me to the side and said "do you think I will regret this in the morning" to which I replied "ugh....maybe?" I didnt want to say OMG RUN because while they werent attractive to me they may have been to her and so I just said maybe.

 

She explained to The XYZ's that she has a MAJOR body hair issue...and asked the guy if he was hairy. He said OH NO NOT AT ALL, so she believed him.

 

On the drive to the hotel, Mr. XYZ kept saying "i might be 40 but my cock is only 25"....."i can go forever so I hope your hubby won't get mad"....etc etc etc.

 

These things were NOT turning her on in fact, she started to feel suddenly very sober....wishing for a way out.

 

They get into the room initially things were going well, Mr. XYZ then took off his shirt and my friend was MORTIFIED. He was a SASQUATCH. So here's my friend......with her hair issue, (that she had explained to said man) faced with a man that is so hairy you could braid his nipple hair.

 

sigh

 

He also had quite a belly BUT that wasn't so much the issue. She does not expect perfection at all but the INSANE amount of hair excentuated the belly.

 

Then he removed his pants and that's when my friend realized her night was not going to go well........

 

He was uncircumsized......which she has NEVER encountered before, never even seen one in real life and so let's add things up

 

HAIRY

BIG BELLY EXCENTUATED BY HAIRINESS

UNCIRCUMSIZED PENIS (first one she had ever seen)

 

But wait there is more.

 

He could not get it up......at all. She tried with all her might despite being mortfied. She thought if she just closed her eyes she could overlook all those things but he just could not get an erection.

 

His wife then came over and tried for a while and still NOTHING.

 

At this point both women are with hairy man TRYING TO HELP HIM while the other man laid on the other bed watching basketball....eventually falling asleep.

 

They continued trying to get him hard AT HIS INSISTENCE for about an hour and a half. He kept saying things like "your not leaving here until I fuck you".My friend was ready to give up on several occasions but he wouldnt have it. Finally my friend went to go to the bathroom thinking when she came out everyone will have given up...no such luck. She came out and he was sitting in a chair masterbating....still with no erection. He motioned for her to come to him so she began sucking him as did his wife. Then he SNAPPED at my friends husband and pointed towards his wife as if to say go to her. The hubby came to her, put a condom on and began having sex with Mrs. XYZ when she motioned for him to stop. Mr. XYZ (aka hairy man) still was not getting hard.

 

A few minutes later he did start to get an erection, he picked my friend up carried her to the bed, put a condom off and lost the erection. Finally at that point he said I GIVE UP and then told his wife to play with my friend and her hubby that he would just sit there. They all agreed that was a bad idea and that maybe it was best they just try another time.

 

They left and have not really talked to the couple since.

 

What would you have done to cut this situation short of the two hour horribleness that it was without hurting anyone's feelings?

 

It is to bad that "mr. hairy big belly" was no up front with his situation in the first palce.

 

That is a hard call? Once at the hotel and it was obvious he was not going to be able to get it up...Time to leave...