Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I've lurked through the forums here for a while but never posted anything, but now I have something I need a little help with.

 

Last week out of the blue my wife told me that she wants me to sleep with other women, then come home and tell her about it. She also told a good friend of her's she could "borrow" me because she hasn't had any good sex in a while. :lol: My wife says it's a big turn on for her, and I can tell she's not lying. She also says she thinks it would make me less jealous. She is a pathological flirt and it gets on my nerves sometimes because I am very jealous/insecure. She's been with other men (before we were married) and she is the only woman I've ever been with. Which doesn't bother me at all, however she thinks I should be with other women because she feels like she kept me from having fun, and that it would make our sex life better. I'm not sure what to do. I would never cheat on her or hurt her so I'm apprehensive about doing something like this. I'm afraid that she will change her mind and I would come home to her angry and upset and that it would ruin our marriage. I'm also afraid that she would want the same deal, which I told her I am not ok with.

 

Is this a typical fantasy? I would never be ok with her going out, being with another man, then coming home to me. So I sort of think it's a double standard, and that's not fair. But I told her that up front and she says she doesn't care and doesn't want to be with another man.

 

Does it sound like fun? Yes, I have a penis so of course it sounds fun. But it's not worth ruining our good relationship over. I'm just not sure what to do, and I don't understand her desire for this sort of thing.

Share this post


Link to post

Welcome, twknight, to the world of active membership at Swingersboard.

 

I have a strong suspicion that if we were loaned to this woman who has had no sex in a while, you would be thinking of your wife, the broad range of possible reactions that might be waiting for you upon your return home and you would have no fun. And what about the woman to whom you are loaned? How will she feel about herself the next morning? I believe you need to inquire a little further and learn the real reason your wife has made this suggestion.

 

~Michael

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

SW_PA_Couple offers some excellent advice above. I think it would be a good idea to learn more of what is going on. Discuss this more and make sure you're both on the same page.

 

For me personally, as a first time thing, I would find this hard to do without getting to know this other woman better, all three of us meeting together, etc. If my wife had just offered me out to stud, I'd feel uncomfortable. I don't even know that Mr. Happy would be up to the challenge.

 

She also says she thinks it would make me less jealous. She is a pathological flirt and it gets on my nerves sometimes because I am very jealous/insecure.

 

You having sex with another woman with your wife's consent is not going to affect your jealousy/insecurity in regards to her behaviors. Just my opinion, but I'd be very surprised if it did.

 

Some people do report that the green eyed monster put in quite an appearance upon the first time they saw their spouse having sex with someone else, but that seeing it and knowing their spouse came home with them made them realize the sky wouldn't land on their heads if their spouse had sex with someone else.

 

But, that's not the case here. You having sex with someone else isn't going to diminish your concerns about your wife having sex with someone else.

 

 

I would never cheat on her or hurt her so I'm apprehensive about doing something like this. I'm afraid that she will change her mind and I would come home to her angry and upset and that it would ruin our marriage.

 

I would take her at her word; many people find it highly erotic for their spouse to go out having sex with someone else and come home to tell about it. But, I would also have extended conversation with her. Make sure it's not a passing fancy, that it's a real solid interest and not just a fantasy better left in the bedroom. Also, you having sex with another woman where everyone's in agreement with everything isn't cheating. Get past that thought. My wife and I have been swingers for two years. We've never, ever cheated on each other and never would. We have had sex with other people. Social programming makes it hard to detach the thought that having sex with someone other than your spouse is cheating. Try as best you can to not take counsel of your fears that this is somehow wrong because your upbringing has programmed you to believe this is cheating.

 

I'm also afraid that she would want the same deal, which I told her I am not ok with.

 

I've the reverse situation. I'm ok with my wife playing alone. She's not ok with me playing alone, and has said it's highly unlikely she ever would be ok with it. That's ok, and it works for us. We've never ever pushed a "tit-for-tat" scenario on to each other, and never would. Spend time discussing this, make sure you (both of you together) understand where this is going.

 

Is this a typical fantasy? I would never be ok with her going out, being with another man, then coming home to me. So I sort of think it's a double standard, and that's not fair. But I told her that up front and she says she doesnt care and doesnt want to be with another man.

 

I see it more often in men than in women, but yes it's a typical fantasy. The question isn't so much if it's a typical fantasy, but if it's something that can comfortably be reality. Fantasy doesn't = reality, and the reality might be quite different for both of you. Some things are better left as fantasy. Only the two of you together can determine that.

 

Does it sound like fun? Yes, I have a penis so of course it sounds fun. But it's not worth ruining our good relationship over. I'm just not sure what to do, and I dont understand her desire for this sort of thing.

 

I don't understand my desire and fantasies of my wife having sex with other men, playing solo or with me there. I stopped trying to understand it. I was spending too much thought time trying to figure it out, trying to understand how I could possibly want that. What I do know is that I very much enjoy her having sex with other men. That's enough for me now. I don't have to answer 'why'.

 

Your wife may not understand why herself. She could just be understanding herself that it is very erotic for her, and she would like it to happen. Also, her desire for you to experience sex with another woman is a gift.

 

Talk with her at length, make sure you're both on the same page. Make sure your relationship is rock solid stable. Open honesty is the key.

 

A few months from now, you may find yourself being lucky enough to have two women in your life with whom you can have sex as often as everyone likes. I'm aware of a poly triad of which one of the triad posts here on this forum. Their triad started in much the same way. I'm not suggesting you're going to find yourself in a poly situation, but there are many doors to wonderful things here. The key is to walk together in this adventure.

 

Also, keep your mind open. Nobody is expected to change their minds, nor should you feel bad if you don't. But, you may find yourself being very turned on by the thought of your wife having sex with other men. Things change. When my wife and I first started talking about swinging, it was crystal clear that she didn't want to have sex with someone else. Fast forward two years, and she's always looking forward to her next encounter. You just never know. Work with what you have in the here and now, but most of all work together.

Share this post


Link to post

There is a chance that she is interested in other guys and sees this as a way to get that. You know your wife better than we ever will, so you'll have to look at the situation to decide if she is telling the truth that there are no ulterior motives. Before she brought this up were you suspicious that there was someone she wanted to have sex with, or someone she was too flirty with? Or is this really out of the blue?

 

I think there is a chance that being with some other women could help your jealousy. It sounds a bit backwards, and I might take a bit of backlash for it, but here are my thoughts. Often people feel jealous due to fear; fear of losing their loved one, fear of embarrassment, fear of being alone etc. If a guy knows, through experience, that other women find him attractive and that he can enjoy the company of women other than his wife it gives him some confidence. He can now relax and enjoy his relationship without the fear of what would happen if that relationship ended. It's not that anyone could replace his wife, but if the worst happened he knows he won't have to be alone. That is a very empowering feeling.

 

It's not a guarantee that it will cure the jealousy, but I think that can have an impact on a mans confidence and his ability to relax and enjoy his relationship.

Share this post


Link to post

You know, you might feel more comfortable if your wife was with you. Then you could actually see her reaction, and approvals, as things developed.

 

So, next time she mentions it just say "sure, if you're there too"!

 

And about your not wanting her to do the same? Well, is that because you would't be there? This thing with your wife's friend could lead to finding a couple that you're comfortable with and allow your wife to have fun along with you.

Share this post


Link to post

First I would like to welcome you to the board, twknight :)

 

My only question....

 

Is there quite a bit of age difference between each of you ?

 

I get the feeling your wife is far more experienced than you. Not only physically but emotionally as well.

 

If I'm correct, and your wife would fall into the category of possibly a "cougar" (and I mean that in the best of ways, as I'm married to a cougar myself....lol)

 

Then, make your wife happy..... Your in good hands :)

 

We hope you return someday, to possibly clarify my error... or shed some new light. Many have given great insight at this point, we can only go on what we read and how we interpret your situation.

 

I for one, even if I'm wrong about your ages (my apology if so) think your wife is trying to show you something about yourself and possibly live a better, less jealous/insecure life. Don't take that for granted..... Enjoy the fact you have someone like this, its just a mater of communication... and with that, comes growth and maturity.....

 

Don't be a stranger,

fun4ds

Share this post


Link to post

:Welcome: from Oklahoma, Twknight! We're glad you've joined us.

 

I come from the school of thought that if a couple doesn't do it together, it ain't swinging. That's just my opinion. There are plenty here who'll disagree.

 

Have you suggested to your wife that you and she consider a threesome with the "lady in need?" My guess is that you'd less jealous, especially if you were the center of attention.

 

Alura

Share this post


Link to post

How were you before you met your wife? Did you have many girlfriends? Were you social?

 

If you didn't or weren't...you sound like my ex-hubby. Even though he was older than I was, he had never had sex with anyone before and only had 1 girlfriend. I had had boyfriends and a handful of sex partners before I met my husband. And I was pretty flirty...I had more guy friends than girl friends...and it drove him crazy at times. I never could see what the fussing was because I always went home with him, I wasn't interested in picking up another guy...it was fun and usually an ego boost that someone else thought I was cute enough to flirt with in the first place. Besides...because he was oh let's say...clueless to the fact I was interested in him at first...I flirted with him like crazy and eventually got tired of waiting for him to ask me out so I did the asking.

 

He liked to hear stories of my prior experiences...I wanted him to go out and have sex with someone else. Because he very closely associated the sex and love thing. I figured it was because he had never previously placed himself in social situations that would have allowed for more casual encounters. I was hoping on some level he would see that sex with other people wasn't such a big deal (ie didn't have to be catastrophic to us). I mean, how could he understand that if he never had sex with someone other than me? The thing was I wanted to play too and had...but wanted him to play to build some confidence to do things as a couple on down the road. But I was very upfront about wanting that when my hubby and I were talking. She has said that is not what she wants (but I can understand having the doubts on your part that it might not come up in the future).

 

All that was to just help you understand that what your wife wants for you isn't entirely unusual...but you need to figure out why you are so insecure with her. You don't say how long you have been married or together...has she or someone else ever done anything to make you think she wouldn't be faithful? Has she always been flirty? It usually seems that the qualities that draw us to a person can be the same qualities that drive us nuts years later. Have you never felt attracted to someone other than your wife after you were married? Some people have the idea that once you are married you aren't allowed to look or "enjoy the sights" any more...that doesn't have to be true (most people have a look but don't touch policy).

 

The thing is, if you don't feel like you can do what she wants because you don't think its fair or because you think it will come back to bite you in the ass at a later time (ie her wanting to play with some guy b/c you already got to play with someone else)...then don't do it. Take the time to talk out all possible scenarios and concerns.

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post

You have an interest in the lifestyle and no doubt so does your wife, otherwise you wouldn't be here. At this stage she is setting her comfort zone. I would go with her wants, at the same time just letting her know up-front, how you feel.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks for all the responses and help. Sorry i have been UA, just very busy, but I have an update.

 

Is there quite a bit of age difference between each of you ?

I get the feeling your wife is far more experienced than you. Not only physically but emotionally as well.

 

I am actually a year older than she is but we are both pretty young. I'm 23, she's 22, but she is lightyears ahead of me emotionally.

 

you need to figure out why you are so insecure with her. You don't say how long you have been married or together...has she or someone else ever done anything to make you think she wouldn't be faithful?

 

We have been married for 2 years, and together for 5. The reason I'm so insecure is because Last December I went to boot camp, and she had an emotional affair with a friend of her's while I was gone. She says she didnt have sex with him, but I will never know for sure. I was extremely confident in my wife and in our marriage before I left, so when I found out, it was something I was not expecting at all. We've worked through the problems we had that made her go to someone else, but Ive been very insecure and jealous ever since. It doesnt help that I am still in training and can't live with her. I talk to her every day, and spend weekends and a few days during the week with her when I can, but hopefully soon I'll be able to move off base and live with her.

 

Now to end this post on a good note. I talked to my wife about it, and last weekend we had a mff with her friend. We all had a great time and she isn't angry or jealous about it at all, which was my biggest fear. We both would like to do it again, and I'm very glad it happened.

 

How were you before you met your wife? Did you have many girlfriends? Were you social?

 

Before my wife, I only dated one girl, and until last weekend my wife was the only woman I've ever had sex with. I was not social at all and the situation you described sounds a lot like mine. I have always thought that sex=love and never had sex just for fun. So last week was a real eye opener. Sex is fun, and bringing someone else into our marriage didnt hurt either of us at all. Right now I'm on the fence of whether or not we could do a full swap with another couple. I am more confident in myself, and my wife, but I'm not sure I'd be ok with seeing her with another man yet.

Share this post


Link to post
There is a chance that she is interested in other guys and sees this as a way to get that.

 

My first thought too, but I'm a cynic.

Share this post


Link to post

Whenever the phrase,"out of the blue," is used, I see a red flag.

 

Before Swinging you need to be in a place of complete trust and honesty. You cannot get there if you think she may have had sex with the man from the emotional affair. Until there is no doubt in your mind, or that you're okay if she did, then you really are playing with fire. Glad to hear you Played as a team. I think you need to always Play as a team.

 

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post

Here's the odd part for me.

 

You've never had sex with anyone else and never thought of it, wanted it, or would allow her to do it...yet, your first sentence is that you have been lurking here (on a swinging website) for a long time, and she only brought this up just the other day.

 

Why the lurking??

 

It seems you have had thoughts of something. I don't research how to build rockets, cuz I just have no interest.

 

You can help yourself discover the answers to your own questions by being honest with yourself first.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By HotwifeHusband
      Eventually they pulled down a dirt road through a wooded area to Jim's secluded lake house and I followed until we pulled into the driveway.  It was a beautiful area in the woods with the lake just off the back porch.  I hadn't turned my headlights off yet when Sue exited the truck she drove with Jim in.  To my amazement, her panties were tied to her pocketbook, and she was completely topless.  The skirt she had worn was all unbuttoned but for the very top button.  I could only assume (and later verified) that Jim was fingering her pussy during part of the ride.
       
      We got into his house and Sue put her blouse back on but didn't button it up.  We had a glass of wine and talked a little bit about the plans for the following day that we'd be spending on the beach.  I had shared with Sue earlier what my "ideal" fantasy would be for this trip, as she had requested. 
       
      We all stayed up a couple of hours and I eventually said, "Well, I'm ready to call it a night."  I looked at Sue and said, "Are you coming?", and she replied, "I'll be right up in a couple of minutes." 
       
      I went upstairs and after about 10 minutes Sue came upstairs and put on this totally sheer black negligee.  I asked her, "What was that all about?"  She said my "fantasy weekend" was about to continue.  When I went upstairs to call it a night, Sue had talked with Jim and told him she had never spent an entire night alone in bed with any other man but me, and that she was both interested and willing to see what that would be like with Jim.  Of course, Jim was all for it. 
       
      I asked Sue if she was sure about spending the entire night?  She said she wanted to fulfill my fantasy but she was also interested in seeing what it would be like. I told her the longer she stayed in bed with him, the better it would be for my fantasy.  I also told her if she really enjoyed it, she could spend more time with him on Saturday as I at least had to get back to our house by Saturday afternoon.
       
      After much tossing and turning throughout the night, I could hear them fucking and talking while having sex as my bedroom was one floor right above his bedroom. I could tell they took a shower together before they got into bed.
       
      Saturday morning came and I could tell everything had went well as they were both in good moods and we were all having good conversations. Around noon time, when it was time that Sue and I were supposed to leave, I made a comment that "it was getting close to where we had to head back as I had some work to do at home."  I asked Sue if she had packed up yet?
       
      She looked at me, then Jim, and back at me and said, "If it's all right with you, Jim said he could bring me home on Sunday. Since you have things to do today at the house, I could stay here at the lake and come home tomorrow.  If you are ok with that?" 
       
      I asked her if she was comfortable with that and she responded, "Yes, I am, and honestly, I'm probably a little too comfortable with it."   
       
      I looked at Jim and asked, "Your thoughts?"  Jim laughed a bit and said, "Are you kidding me, I'd love for Sue to stay another day." 
       
      Jim then said he had a serious comment for all of us.  He said he didn't want anything to interfere with the friendship the three of us had.  He said it was obvious our relationship was different than most in that he and Sue get to be intimate with each other.  He specifically said, it was more than just sex with him, without over stepping on feelings.  He saw the relationship as being very close friends with both of us, it just happened to also include he and Sue having sex. 
       
      He also said that he brought up the idea of whether or not Sue would be comfortable on having a consistent FWB relationship IF I was also comfortable with it.  I told Jim that it was a fantasy of mine but the thing we should do is consider the weekend a "test run".   And once he brought Sue home, she and I would talk about how we all felt and then follow up with him on his feelings.   
       
      To be continued.
    • By KatrinaandDriverX
      For me, it's not about having sex or sex acts or multiple partners. It is about 'feeding' different aspects of my personality, occasionally, in diverse ways with sex. It transcends role playing, it's a sexual moment as I'm giving, yielding, engaging and driving my partner(s) into an exquisite moment. To build them up, for the men to enter me in a pure moment that thrills or kissing a woman with tongues plunging deeply. I love it when someone I may have just met can surrender to me and I to them. Then, once we're done that it's perfectly alright to go to the next partner and, who knows, have that same person again later that night (or not). Or, if it's simply to play with another couple, have the sex with the husband be so great that the wife thanks me. Then, of course, there's the knowledge of my husband having another girl, whether it be a wife  or innocent bystander, knowing she just might be asking herself if watching me fuck means my husband must be amazing (he is). 
    • By Sudhit
      One of my friends was mentioning that his wife got invited for a vacation with one of their regular playmates. It would be a 4 day vacation, where only the wife goes with the BF, hubby stays back.
       
      Has anyone any experience of this scenario, they are swinger and cuckold couple.
    • By enjoyingfun
      It is nice to get the chance to suck another man's cock but why? I just did this for my man and wow he loved it!  Two friends came over and I did what he wanted to be the very the best I could be.
    • By bbarnsworth
      I happened across this study today, and it had some very interesting outcomes. The whole study bears reading. To tease you into reading it; "When asked whether they’d ever had various types of multipartner fantasies, just 5% of men and 13% of women had never done so" I.e., 95% of men and 87% of women in the 4k+ member study reported having fantasized about multipartner sexual relations. Wow! I expected it to be above 50%, but not that high.
       
      More reading at: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy
×
×
  • Create New...