Divorced over swinging?

[Baconheads 432]

How many of you when sharing a fantasy about swinging or group sex to a more prudish spouse actually divorced over the issue?

 

We had a little chat this morning and it became clear that if I push the issue, we will not be married for our 28th anniversary.

 

My head is full of fantasies, but hers seems to be devoid of them.

 

Anyone else in this situation?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

How many of you when sharing a fantasy about swinging or group sex to a more prudish spouse actually divorced over the issue?

 

We had a little chat this morning and it became clear that if I push the issue, we will not be married for our 28th anniversary.

 

My head is full of fantasies, but hers seems to be devoid of them.

 

Anyone else in this situation?

 

No, but if I were, the subject would hit the floor like a hot potato.

 

I doubt many here have that problem, we are mostly swingers. Maybe a few had it with a previous marriage, but in the end, I doubt talking about swinging did any of their marriages in. That said, if she was clear that continued talk of swinging would be the end of your marriage, then I would find a new topic ASAP if you want to stay married. It is just not for some folks, it appears your wife is one of them.

[Alura 2,774]

Of the playcouples I've known who divorced, swinging had nothing to do with it.

 

It was always something else ... in one case a love affair (that's quite different from swinging) with a coworker ... in another, an inability to "do things right" such as squeeze the toothpaste tube properly, etc.

 

My unfounded guess is that there may have been some couples who divorced because one refused to swing and the other wouldn't shut up about it.

 

Alura

[VegasLee 1,486]

This Lifestyle is for less then 1% of the population. Most can not handle it or have to desire to be involved in it.

 

I would think after 27 years of being married you would know if you wife has any desire or not to even discuss something like this Lifestyle.

 

If she is set in her mind that she does not want to be part of it I would be getting off this forum and go on with my life if I wanted to keep my wife. This will do nothing but feed into your fantasies and make your desires grow. That growing is not going to help your marriage.

 

Good luck to you. Hope you make the right decisions.

[Suburbia 130]

I don't think that what you are describing is a "situation."

 

Its you saying "Hey honey, do you want to..."

 

And her replying "No."

 

Issue closed. You have your fantasies, keep them to yourself you are a big boy and she has made her opinion clearly known. To push it or even bring it up again would show a complete disregard for her.

 

Swinging is a veto situation.... each spouse has total veto authority at all times.

[LagniappeDC 313]

A couple of thoughts here

 

The simple fact of the matter is that pushing anything where your spouse is opposed could cause divorce. Substitute the issue of money, kids, job choice, or whether to live near your mother (hehe) and many can and do find themselves in a situation. In those cases, you have to make a decision, be it forgo the issue, compromise, or move on. You need to decide.

 

I did re-read your question and I did have a slightly different take. Are you saying you actually want to get into swinging/group sex or simply share fantasies with your wife about those things. For many the idea of simply talking about swinging, watching swinger related porn, etc, are enough to give them a sexual spark and they never pursue the real thing. If your wife is resistant to sharing sexual fantasies vs. acting on them, then you may want discuss that more with her as a topic rather than any particular scenario. Couples counseling to discuss needs, etc, may be an option.

 

At the end of the day she may not want to even discuss your sexual fantasies in which case you find yourself back into what that means for you and your life. 28 years is an awesome achievement for two people, but only you can answer whether you are fundamentally happy. Be careful though, the grass may seem greener on the other side as they say...

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

We had a little chat this morning and it became clear that if I push the issue, we will not be married for our 28th anniversary.

 

My head is full of fantasies, but hers seems to be devoid of them.

 

Anyone else in this situation?

 

Not exactly, but something with some vaguely similar traits.

 

When my wife and I first got together, the idea of swinging was absolutely impossible for her. There was no way it was going to happen. I'd previously had a tame MFM scenario, and much later (not the same people) was briefly involved in a (never same room) polyamorous MFM triad. Being that my wife and I are absolutely open to each other about everything (and love it), she knew about these things long before we even got engaged. She also made it clear there was negative trillion chance that was ever going to happen with us.

 

That was fine with me then, and fine with me now. Neither of us needs swinging. It's fun, enjoyable, has produced many positive things and effectively little negative. But, if we never swung again our lives wouldn't be much different than they are now.

 

So, my (now) wife _was_ essentially in the same position that your wife is in now. I fully, wholeheartedly agree with what has already been said in response to you above. Drop it, stop pushing it, and leave it alone. If you're placing swinging above the health of your marriage, you shouldn't be thinking about actually swinging. You can not push your wife through the door. You opened the door. It's up to her to decide to walk through it. If that answer is categorically no, then drop it.

 

Today, my wife and I have been swinging for two years. (focusing on her view here..) She loves it, and thoroughly enjoys it. It's very fun and rewarding for her. She doesn't want to give it up anytime soon. She's glad she's a swinger, and glad she made the decision to become one.

 

How we got to this point had a lot less to do with me, and a lot more to do with her. Like you, I opened the doors. I didn't even do this intentionally; just in relating my past the thought door was opened. The seed was planted. Discussions over the years with her made it very clear that she understood why I made those decisions, but that she still strongly disagreed with them. Then one fine summer two years ago...she shifted her perspective, and we've been going since.

 

You can't do any different with your wife. If she comes back to the topic, great. If she doesn't, oh well. Life goes on. Your life isn't going to be incomplete because you do not become swingers.

 

As for her lack of fantasies, I'm sorry that's the case. Some people are like that. You may be able to slowly work on that over time (without bringing up swinging scenarios), but you're going to have to be very patient, trusting, and trustworthy.

[enbloc 47]

I think my mariage was already in trouble and the topic of swinging was just another excuse to end it.

 

I'll try to keep this short:

Early in our relationship I raised the idea, and she wasn't interested so I let it go. Later, as I spent more time away from my home due to my job, we started drifting apart. My ex discovered a new group of friends as our daughtered entered school and she had more time. One of the parents of our daughter's classmate was a stay-home dad and was into the lifestyle. My ex develpoed an "interest" in the lifestyle and suggested it to me as a way to keep me occupied while I was away. Her suggestion was that we would have the freedom to play separately while we were apart. I imagined we would play together when we were together, or that at least we would still have some sort of intimate relationship between us when i was home. She even got me a membership on a pay adult dating site. In the end she fell in love with one of her playmates and the rest is history.

In retrospect, our marriage was not that strong to begin with, there was very little communication, and the ex's suggestion for joining the lifestyle was a cover and i truely felt we were on the way out anyway. The topic of swinging only added to the difficult situation and a footnote in the divorce proceedings. Bottom line is that there were serious underlying issues already.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

This Lifestyle is for less then 1% of the population.

 

I have seen numbers as high as 8% (I think I even saw one at 11%), but I always thought that was bogus. But I am surprised at only 1%. I would have guess between 2-3%. But even 1% in 3 million swingers in the US.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have seen numbers as high as 8% (I think I even saw one at 11%), but I always thought that was bogus. But I am surprised at only 1%. I would have guess between 2-3%. But even 1% in 3 million swingers in the US.

 

 

If we could hook the American public up to a lie detector that shocked them if they lied I would be willing to be we would find ONE HUNDRED MILLION CHEATERS and LESS then ONE MILLION SWINGERS Tops.

 

Besides, it would be fun. Could make it into a top rated T.V. show.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

The simple fact of the matter is that pushing anything where your spouse is opposed could cause divorce. Substitute the issue of money, kids, job choice, or whether to live near your mother (hehe) and many can and do find themselves in a situation.

 

This is a good point, and is really the way you want to be thinking about this. Like any other serious topic in a marriage, there is only so far you can push it before it becomes a problem, at which point compromise is reached or else one party or the other weighs the pros and cons and decides to gives in which can often lead to long-standing resentment if you let it, which I think is the real danger here.

 

I haven't ever heard of a couple splitting over swinging. Swinging isn't a magic inoculant against divorce, so even with active swingers all the usual problems with money, family, etc. still exist. In terms of divorce from just bringing it up, I still wouldn't blame that directly on swinging per se since it more likely is just a manifestation of long-standing incompatibility and being on the opposite ends of spectrum of acceptance of unconventional things. I know if I told my wife my lifelong fantasy (it's not btw) has been for us to cash out all of our assets to finance a worldwide BASE jumping tour I would receive exactly the same answer you did I use that as a silly example of how some things just don't have a lot of room for compromise if both aren't in agreement, carry a high degree of danger, and as such are probably best left undone.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

If we could hook the American public up to a lie detector that shocked them if they lied I would be willing to be we would find ONE HUNDRED MILLION CHEATERS and LESS then ONE MILLION SWINGERS Tops.

 

Besides, it would be fun. Could make it into a top rated T.V. show.

 

OMG! That would be fun. And I agree, the ratings would be through the roof.

 

I would bet that if you asked how many would LIKE to swing the number would be huge as well. It would be interesting to put both spouses on that one ans see what happens. I am willing got bet there would be a slew of new swingers. And that the divorce rate would go up for couples that only one said they would like to swing.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I think my mariage was already in trouble and the topic of swinging was just another excuse to end it.

 

........

The topic of swinging only added to the difficult situation and a footnote in the divorce proceedings. Bottom line is that there were serious underlying issues already.

 

Precisely why some many on this site warn couples off swinging if their relationship is not rock solid. The LS won't help fix anything, but can make a bad situation worse.

[couplers 4,647]

My head is full of fantasies, but hers seems to be devoid of them.

 

 

The best approach is to have her open up with her fantasies, with the clear understanding that what she says does not constitute a license for you to assume that she actually wants to make them realitiy. Can she do that? It may take a while, but will she talk about other guys (or women) she has had sex with? Or does she like hearing about your previous sex partners? (I knew one married woman that told me that she loved to hear about her husband's past sex partners and fantasize about him being with other women, but she would not talk the other way around.) Or perhaps the place to start is discussing the possible sex lives of other couples, from Brad and Angelina to the neighbors. While it is understandable that many spouses in a couple do not want to swing or do whatever, totally refusing to talk about fantasies is almost as bad as not having sex. It would be a relationship ending situation for me. So, is she really totally devoid of all fantasies? My guess is that they are there lurking as a wonderful surprise below the surface. Your job is to lovingly coax them out and then enjoy the wild, wonderful ride. Good luck and have fun.

[want2watch40 20]

Well, I can't say that my divorce was because of the desire to explore the lifestyle. I think it mostly came from growing apart in our view of things. My ex was not a porn watcher but I enjoyed watching it periodically (didn't have to watch it every day but would check out some once a week or so). She would give me hell every time she found something on my computer and at one point was checking my surfing history, as well as my phone, every day. I did mention at one point that I thought about a 3some and was shot down immediately. I left that topic alone after that.

 

She became one of those "religious" types and wanted to be involved with nothing but church. I have no problem with someones beliefs but I do have a problem with organized religion that judges everyone yet the same people are hiding their own sins.

 

We grew further and further apart in opposite directions. She became more conservative and I became more liberal. It finally ended last November when I told her I wanted a divorce because we were both miserable.

 

Our divorce should be final on the 16th (depending on when the judge signs it) and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have found a wonderful and amazing girlfriend that share in my views of sex, love, flirting and happiness.

 

We are not full fledged swingers but we are open to exploring our sexuality (and yes, it does involve inviting others in to the bedroom). We have just started and are taking it slow.

 

So, my divorce was not a direct result of the sexual desires but more of the growing apart in our basic views. I now have someone that has similar views and outlook on life in general. We just grew apart and basically became different people. My new partner and I are fully open with everything and can freely tell each other what we want. We want each other to be happy and don't rely on each other to make us happy. If we want something different, we talk about it.

 

You have to decide if the swinging thing is the ONLY issue and if it is, you need to figure out if it's worth giving up the other 'good' stuff in the relationship.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What want2watch40 described is a real life example of what I was trying to get at. Sometimes people are too far apart on their views to start with and the marriage soon ends up as one might expect, badly. Other times, that distance between beliefs and views widens over time or even suddenly in response to some life event and stresses what for years may have been a strong link between two more or less compatible people. I'm not sure anyone or anything (i.e. swinging) is really to blame when that happens, people can and do change.

 

My question for the OP would be is this truly a change in him that she had no idea was coming? Or is it a change in her, and by that I mean based on their past conversations and actions he thought she might at least entertain the notion at some point and then was proven wrong when simply bringing it up at all elicited a strong response?

[sexcupid 809]

My question for the OP would be is this truly a change in him that she had no idea was coming? Or is it a change in her, and by that I mean based on their past conversations and actions he thought she might at least entertain the notion at some point and then was proven wrong when simply bringing it up at all elicited a strong response?

 

I went back and read some of the OP's prior posts...one scenario involved hoping to have same room sex with his wife while on a vacation with another vanilla couple they usually hang out with that things get kind of flirty sometimes, him taking her to a nude beach to which she was not comfortable being at (but went with him anyway).

 

I'm hoping the OP will give us a little more insight to his thought processes. They have been married 28 years...and in the 3 years or so he has posted off and on here it doesn't seem like the wife's attitude has changed at all in regards towards opening up the marriage. Why after all that time did he think his wife would want to swing? Why does he want to swing? And how to come to the decision of stay or go...over what seems kind of trivial in the grander scheme of things (having sex with other people...which ideally hasn't happened for 28 years)?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

They have been married 28 years...and in the 3 years or so he has posted off and on here it doesn't seem like the wife's attitude has changed at all in regards towards opening up the marriage. Why after all that time did he think his wife would want to swing?

 

Maybe it is just wishful thinking on his part. It is easy enough to read this forum and see how attitudes change over time.

 

The first 10 years of our marriage, there was not talk of anything resembling swinging. The second 10 we talked about it as a fantasy, but "no way in hell" was my wife's response to making it a reality. After a few year of silence on my part, my wife came to me and said lets do this. And at that point I had not seriously considered it, so we had to talk through the idea to make sure we were both good with it. For a brief time I felt like the dog that finally caught the car, when I finally caught it, I was not sure what to do with it.

 

What he might be missing, if that is how he is thinking:

• Our marriage improved over that time, not deteriorated.
  
• Our marriage was very solid before we got into swinging
  
• That change took a long time and there was no pressure from either side
  
• It was part of both of our fantasy lives, not just one of us.
  
• The subject only came up now and then, it was not part of our sex life all the time.
  

 

The success stories of one spouse changing over time, probably follow somewhat similar paths.

 

I would imagine if you look back at post where one side finally "convinced" the other to swing (rather than them getting there on their own), you will find many came back and posted about it being a disaster OR the never posted again, which leads me to think they did not survive long in the LS.

 

Perhaps he is looking to the board for a solution on how to shove a square peg in to a round hole, rather than waiting patiently for the square peg to become round.

[Suburbia 130]

If we could hook the American public up to a lie detector that shocked them if they lied I would be willing to be we would find ONE HUNDRED MILLION CHEATERS and LESS then ONE MILLION SWINGERS Tops.

 

Besides, it would be fun. Could make it into a top rated T.V. show.

 

This is how my wife and I started. She sat me down after it came to pass that both of us had stepped out and said "we can either do this together or we can do it behind each others back."

 

It has been wonderful ever since.

[Baconheads 432]

This Lifestyle is for less then 1% of the population. Most can not handle it or have to desire to be involved in it.

 

I would think after 27 years of being married you would know if you wife has any desire or not to even discuss something like this Lifestyle.

 

After 27 years of marriage, I felt that I have the obligation to tell her what my fantasies are.

 

My approach to the subject was one of a soft swing scenario, as I don't think I want to see her with another guy, right off. I know for a fact that she doesn't want to see me with another girl.

 

I turned 50 Sunday. Maybe it's a mid life crisis thong, I mean thing. We have to step it up now, or else it will be to late when we are 60, and I'm not just talking about sex.

 

For the record, I didn't say, "We need to start swinging or we're finished." I just said that it would be sexy to watch and be watched.

[Baconheads 432]

The best approach is to have her open up with her fantasies, with the clear understanding that what she says does not constitute a license for you to assume that she actually wants to make them realitiy. Can she do that? It may take a while, but will she talk about other guys (or women) she has had sex with? Or does she like hearing about your previous sex partners? (I knew one married woman that told me that she loved to hear about her husband's past sex partners and fantasize about him being with other women, but she would not talk the other way around.) Or perhaps the place to start is discussing the possible sex lives of other couples, from Brad and Angelina to the neighbors. While it is understandable that many spouses in a couple do not want to swing or do whatever, totally refusing to talk about fantasies is almost as bad as not having sex. It would be a relationship ending situation for me. So, is she really totally devoid of all fantasies? My guess is that they are there lurking as a wonderful surprise below the surface. Your job is to lovingly coax them out and then enjoy the wild, wonderful ride. Good luck and have fun.

 

She was a virgin when we met, but not when we married. She has had no other. Maybe that's what has me thinking...

[sexcupid 809]

Perhaps it is a midlife crisis of sorts. Have you had sex with other people? Perhaps it is quite ingrained in your wife that you only have sex with the person you are married to (talk about f'd up double standard to give your kids "dear, good girls don't do that until their married" "son...fuck what you want as often as you want before you get married...then find a nice girl to settle down with" *sigh* extreme I know...just saying this is how it can come across).

 

If you have had others and she hasn't...and now you want to include others (even if only in them just watching). Is it that you want to be watched or you want your own live porn show while you and your wife have sex? If its just being watched...can't you just leave the curtains open/lights on for the possibility of being spied on?

 

If the nude beach experience is anything to go by...I don't know that she would be open to even that...but if she even gets to where she is entertaining the idea, she may wonder if you will get too caught up in what's happening on the other bed that you will ignore her. Think of how you were on the beach that day...yes, she got bitchy/snippy...but how were you acting? Were you in the "omg naked people" zone or were you attentive to see if her discomfort was getting to be too much?

 

The fact is you have the idea...not her...what if she feels her fantasies are too tame or that you'll think they are stupid? I mean, you're wanting to include others to watch and then probably progress to actually having sex with them. What if her idea of a hot night is candle light, rose petals and a massage? Just because she's never had sex with anyone else doesn't mean she wants to. On some level I would be exceptionally flattered if my sweetie felt that way.

[Baconheads 432]

I't easy for those who appear to be getting everything they can wish for in their marriage to pass judgement on somebody who has been battling for over forty years to get very little in the way of physical affection from his or her spouse.

At the ripe old age of 63, I doubt that many men would be willing to "move on" from their marriage since few could cope with the split financially.

If I were in his shoes, I'd just find a different play partner and could care less how those who managed to do better in scoring a more compatible partner thought about it.

This even if it meant he would be shut out in the "lifestyle".

 

At the age of twenty or so when people commonly find their [first] life partner, I suggest we don't have a clue as to what we are truly looking for. Then we put up with an unsatisfying sex life for far too long before we actually get to the point where we do anything or say anything or give up anything to be free to persue what we *really* want in a life partner.

 

I posted a question a few weeks ago asking basically how many tries you couples in the lifestyle made before you found the perfect mate who would swing with you. So, how many?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I posted a question a few weeks ago asking basically how many tries you couples in the lifestyle made before you found the perfect mate who would swing with you. So, how many?

 

I hate to answer this question here because it is tantamount to hijacking the thread.

 

Short answer: I never looked for the perfect mate who would swing with me. I looked for, and found, the perfect mate. It just happens that years later we enjoy swinging together.

 

I am not sure how this adds to this thread, so I would be glad to take up your conversation in the original post if you will link to it.

[sexcupid 809]

I think Baconheads was referring to this topic he started: Divorced over swinging

[Baconheads 432]

LM,

 

I think Baconheads was referring to this post he started: Divorced over swinging

 

That's the one. My apologies for highjacking the thread, it was not my intention. Not sure how to link to it, but there it is above...

[Baconheads 432]

That's the one, thanks.

 

Thanks mrs Cupid for your advice. Briefly in answer, of course I want to watch the other couple! That's the whole point. I want to show off, too.

 

An update: WE have talked more about my fantasy and while not getting closer to a soft swing, after turning the trash cans upside down, our sex routine has gotten a lot hotter. I think my problem is that I was getting bored with it. I was going soft sometimes and thought we needed to turn it up a notch.

 

We have started to watch adult videos, the couples kind, and it has a positive effect, from making fun of the tattoos and cheesy dialog, then once they got into it, the sex between us was hot! Even though only one of us was watching at a time. [you know how that is?] Problem now is that she has regressed back to the point where she thinks, "What if it were my daughter on the screen?" I don't have an answer for that.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Baconheads said:

...how many tries you couples in the lifestyle made before you found the perfect mate who would swing with you. So, how many?

I never knew what swinging was when I was 21. I wasn't looking to marry a swinger.

 

I think most couples who get into swinging don't give swinging a thought until years after they get married. We didn't start swinging until 2004.

 

We've been married for over 35 years, and it is the first marriage for us both. I married the first guy I fell in love with.

[Cajun2Step 65]

I never knew what swinging was when I was 21. I wasn't looking to marry a swinger.

 

I think most couples who get into swinging don't give swinging a thought until years after they get married. LM

 

Well said. We are also on our first and only marriage.

No need to look further when you found the perfect partner.

[midnightplayer 135]

Well, I can't say that my divorce was because of the desire to explore the lifestyle. I think it mostly came from growing apart in our view of things. My ex was not a porn watcher but I enjoyed watching it periodically (didn't have to watch it every day but would check out some once a week or so). She would give me hell every time she found something on my computer and at one point was checking my surfing history, as well as my phone, every day. I did mention at one point that I thought about a 3some and was shot down immediately. I left that topic alone after that.

 

She became one of those "religious" types and wanted to be involved with nothing but church. I have no problem with someones beliefs but I do have a problem with organized religion that judges everyone yet the same people are hiding their own sins.

 

We grew further and further apart in opposite directions. She became more conservative and I became more liberal. It finally ended last November when I told her I wanted a divorce because we were both miserable.

 

Our divorce should be final on the 16th (depending on when the judge signs it) and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have found a wonderful and amazing girlfriend that share in my views of sex, love, flirting and happiness.

 

We are not full fledged swingers but we are open to exploring our sexuality (and yes, it does involve inviting others in to the bedroom). We have just started and are taking it slow.

 

So, my divorce was not a direct result of the sexual desires but more of the growing apart in our basic views. I now have someone that has similar views and outlook on life in general. We just grew apart and basically became different people. My new partner and I are fully open with everything and can freely tell each other what we want. We want each other to be happy and don't rely on each other to make us happy. If we want something different, we talk about it.

 

You have to decide if the swinging thing is the ONLY issue and if it is, you need to figure out if it's worth giving up the other 'good' stuff in the relationship.

 

Well stated, I am happy for your new life.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Well this is tough to write, but something I should have done a long time ago. The original Mrs. lotsoffun and I have been divorced and it was over the swinging issue. She was bisexual and we had always been with single women for nearly all of our 15 years together. A few years ago we began the couples thing but were only a soft couple with our agreed upon boundarys. At some point she became interested in single men and always gravitated to the young built guys who were well endowed.

 

I began to feel more an more left out, and she focused her attention on one or two regular playmates. When one fell through for various reasons, she was bound and determined to find another and actually kicked me out for. When that fell through we reconciled but unbeknown to me she had another in the wings while we were apart. Actually one of the so called "swingle" guys asked me for her number when he found out we were separated. Needless to say that level of disprespect runs rampant in the community. Yes there are respecful single men out there and many wouldn't play because they felt she was falling for them and begged off and didn't want to ruin a marriage (kudos to those men out there who think that way). After some time I figured I had enough and left her to find her own way. She has since failed miserably and suffers for it, but it's no longer my problem.

 

Several months ago I met a wonderful girl, and swinging was NOT anything I wished to do again. I told her about my past since it would have eventually come out and there was no reason to conceal it. She is intrigued by the lifestyle as long as it is within MY boundarys. Single men are absolutely out of the question. Single females are fine as she as discovered her bi curiosity but those encounters are for her and her alone and I refuse to participate other than on a cursory level. There are some things only a woman can do for a woman you know!

 

We have both decided there will be NO sharing of partners for any reason as neither of us want to travel down that road. Both of us enjoy the party life within reason so as not to make it all encompassing. She had led a very repressed life for many many years and is now just coming out of her shell. She is the consumate exhibitioinist and voyeur which she has always been but was afraid to bring it up. The lifestyle allows her the opportunity to express herself freely which she enjoys as well as to dress in ways she was never allowed to do.

 

My advice.....tread very carefully and value your relationship with your partner first.

 

I am sorry if I offended any of the respectful single males that are out there but based on past experiences I find that the majority of single men out there are just looking for a way to get laid. I think any respecful single male out there who knows their place in the lifestyle would have to agree.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I am sorry if I offended any of the respectful single males that are out there but based on past experiences I find that the majority of single men out there are just looking for a way to get laid. I think any respecful single male out there who knows their place in the lifestyle would have to agree.

 

I don't think you have offended anyone. I agree there are single males out there like that, and I am sure there are other spouses out there like your ex.

 

Fortunately, in my experience it hasn't been rampant though. But, regardless I think you advice to "tread very carefully and value your relationship with your partner first" is very sound advice for anyone in the LS.

[TNT 1,155]

Baconheads said:

I posted a question a few weeks ago asking basically how many tries you couples in the lifestyle made before you found the perfect mate who would swing with you. So, how many?

 

This poll may be of interest to you.

 

https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/6319-is-this-your-first-marriage/

 

And to answer your question...

 

First try I didn't marry Ted because I wanted to swing, didn't even know there was such a thing as swinging. I married him because I was head over heels in love with him (still am). We married very, very young, basically raising each other, and were very lucky that neither of us had any preconceived notions of what sex was or wasn't suppose to be...we figured things out as we went, made our own rules, and had our first threesome shortly after we'd been married a year (married over 28 years, first marriage for both). Swinging has NEVER been a priority for us or something we HAD to do...our main priority has always been each other and it's because of that we're able to swing.

 

Teresa

[The Fuse 1,012]

I think you're going to hear the same answer a LOT to this question.

 

Marrying someone to swing with (or just having a long-term mate) is like having a mate to go to tennis tournaments with. It's not something you build a relationship around, at least not the primary thing. When I found Mr. Fuse, we were no where near ready to swing, either one of us. It's something we grew into and discovered after being together almost 15 years.

[slim 15]

I have been married 12 years now this is a great topic for me .I have a friend and would like to meet more like him that has shared his wife with me mfm and it was great sex the best in years .I have talked with my wife and she says that will never happen with her and she knows that my friend and I do his wife it almost broke us up we went to conclers many times that helped but or sex life sucks now sometime we go for mouths because it has got so boring and she thinks that some of the things that I like are perv porn is wrong. she thinks toys are worng and things that may spice things up a little no kinky suff all thow I would like to try some we have 2 kids 15 &13 both boys and I want the best for them . I love my wife and wish she would come around be if not .maybe she will just have to put up with me cheating behind her back because I like to try new things and try new woman its a trun on I love to flirt and be flirted with to me it lites up my life. Thank you ! And if there are any people around northen VA. I would love to hear from you not just for sex but new friends with open minds may help my wife to know if it is safe try it she may like it

Tom

[Big Rock 173]

If we could hook the American public up to a lie detector that shocked them if they lied I would be willing to be we would find ONE HUNDRED MILLION CHEATERS and LESS then ONE MILLION SWINGERS Tops.

 

Besides, it would be fun. Could make it into a top rated T.V. show.

There are 300,000,000 Americans. Half are under the age of consent, 2/3 of the remainder are too old or have other health or religious reasons for not having sex. Which leaves 50,000,000. 1% would be 500,000. Sounds about right.

[Big Rock 173]

OP, everybody is searching for a relationship that works for them. Swinger and Vanilla, alike. If there are too many demands or too many "Taboo's", then that doesn't seem to be a healthy, open, relationship to me. If you just mentioning the LS to her, brings threats of divorce, how healthy is that? Perhaps you married the wrong person for you or she married the wrong person for her. If the sum of the parts isn't stronger than the individual, then you might have other issues than just swinging. Whatever, you both need to communicate your true feelings and let the chips fall where they may.