UGH, wife just along for the ride

[bi4me2 93]

Went out to dinner tonight with a couple we met online. Nice enough people on the phone and in real life but something that has happened more times than we care to admit happened again.

 

He is all over the wife, not really aggressive but you could tell he was 'hot to trot', could barely keep his hands off of her all while his wife was 'there'. She talked and was nice enough but honestly at times it almost seemed like she wanted to be elsewhere. She even told my wife she has to have a few drinks before she can do anything.

 

This has happened to us too many times now and it's starting to frustrate the hell out of both of us. Now granted she is a seriously good looking woman so we expect this to a degree but I'm no toad and honestly I don't even think it has to do with how I look at all it seems like we just happen to meet couples where the wife seems to 'be along for the ride'.

 

Is it just us or is this more common than we think it is?

[VegasLee 1,486]

Hate to say this is more common then it should be.

 

We will NOT meet people for dinner or drinks from on line any longer.

 

We are at the club and they are welcome to come meet us there. If we hit it off, great, if not there is 100's of others there for each side to meet up with.

 

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

[bi4me2 93]

Hate to say this is more common then it should be.

 

We will NOT meet people for dinner or drinks from on line any longer.

 

We are at the club and they are welcome to come meet us there. If we hit it off, great, if not there is 100's of others there for each side to meet up with.

 

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

 

Hear what you are saying but in this area the few clubs are really bad. That leaves us stuck with online or trolling the 'vanilla world' .... boy do we miss south Florida!

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I took a look at your Swing Lifestyle profile. After reading it, I think that is why you are having this problem.

 

Your profile reads like a husband pimping out his wife. The public pictures are only your wife, nothing of you.

 

I don't think there would be many women interested in you as a couple because your profile comes across as if you're most interested in getting the right guy to do your wife, and the right woman for bi play, than giving anything of yourself to another woman. I'm not surprised you're getting overly-eager men with unenthusiastic wives.

 

LM

[BiloxiCouple 695]

What VegasLee said. The "club" has a way of weeding out some of the wannabeeeeeeee's. Besides if one couple falls thru there may be someone else that you click with and don't have to waste all the online time.

 

I don't need to be your friend to have a good time with you. I need to be a friend to spend a lot of time with you, which rarely happens with us. We know a lot of people in the lifestyle here. Only a couple are friends that we are willing to spend time with.

[LFM2 1,482]

As soon as we hear "has to have a few drinks before she can do anything" we are done with them. Yes, Laura drinks and I don't but she does not have to have a drink to play. That is a big red flag with us. If you HAVE to drink, we want nothing to do with you.

 

Can I get an AMEN!!

[bi4me2 93]

I took a look at your Swing Lifestyle profile. After reading it, I think that is why you are having this problem.

 

Your profile reads like a husband pimping out his wife. The public pictures are only your wife, nothing of you.

 

I don't think there would be many women interested in you as a couple because your profile comes across as if you're most interested in getting the right guy to do your wife, and the right woman for bi play, than giving anything of yourself to another woman. I'm not surprised you're getting overly-eager men with unenthusiastic wives.

 

LM

 

(her) I don't get that impression at all from our profile. But, even still, I find it awfully rude to be pawed on the first meeting. I'm not a play toy.

 

I will reread our profile again and adjust it as needed.

[LagniappeDC 313]

While we haven't had a chance to see your profile, definitely worth giving it a second look from an objective angle. If you don't have pics of the male half as someone else says, that is a red flag for us. For us a well written profiles spends equal amounts of time describing both people, or has a lot of "we" statements. Same with pictures. Ours definitely has more of her, but we have several of us together.

 

Now, in terms of your particular situation where you don't have a lot of clubs, also see if there are meet and greets. Honestly, for us, we aren't great at picking up folks at the club so not the best option for us -- though we totally agree with what the others said.

 

You may want to try having your wife speak to the other wife on the phone prior to meeting. You might be able to get a sense of her interest before you meet in person. We've had that request a couple of times and while it doesn't make the date a sure thing, it may help.

 

Good luck!

[Learning 160]

As for your question, unfortunately you have to kiss a few toads to find a good couple. Caulk it up to a bad date and move on because there are people out there for you. We've been on countless dates with very nice people but no chemistry, we keep on looking (well not right now but when we were active). It's worth it.

 

I just glanced at the profile too. As much as you had a horrible situation recently I wonder if your profile is the right place to air it? If I saw this on a profile I would tend to steer clear.

[bi4me2 93]

As for your question, unfortunately you have to kiss a few toads to find a good couple. Caulk it up to a bad date and move on because there are people out there for you. We've been on countless dates with very nice people but no chemistry, we keep on looking (well not right now but when we were active). It's worth it.

 

I just glanced at the profile too. As much as you had a horrible situation recently I wonder if your profile is the right place to air it? If I saw this on a profile I would tend to steer clear.

 

It doesn't seem to matter what we write since this has happened many times over the years with many different profiles. Even still it shouldn't matter, you don't act that aggressive (yes more then what hubby noticed) upon your first meeting.

 

As for the newly added blurb. It's a rant that is not a permanent part of our profile.

[Learning 160]

Cool to know that! The lifestyle isn't easy is it? So when you find great couples it's mind blowing. As for the rant, I was just thinking at least it's fun dinner conversation instead instead of a rant on a profile would live to hear if you meet some good people. In our case we found a lot of our friends at a hotel party 2 hours from the home.

[bi4me2 93]

Cool to know that! The lifestyle isn't easy is it? So when you find great couples it's mind blowing. As for the rant, I was just thinking at least it's fun dinner conversation instead instead of a rant on a profile would live to hear if you meet some good people. In our case we found a lot of our friends at a hotel party 2 hours from the home.

 

(him) Yeah the rant was up for a while, just out of frustration but I took it down.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Hi there,

 

Discerning couples and single males should have the smarts to read the signs and not come on too strong on a first date if you don't want them to. And yes, when there's a couple whose female half is plainly only along because her husband wants her to be there, there is a problem. If you meet someone and you think that's the case, I suggest you politely but directly ask them whether they are both positive about the idea of sex with others, and ask if the wife feels there is chemistry. It's best for your female half to put this question to the other wife alone.

 

Now... as to your profile, I hope you don't mind a few comments.

 

First of all, if your male half wants to play, I suggest you post public pictures of him in your profile to go with the fantastic pictures of your female half. It only stands to reason that if there is a woman on the other end, she is going to want to see him too.

 

Second, I understand you are frustrated with single guys that take up your time, act real and then disappear. This is a very common frustration. It sucks, but it does happen. Here's what's important though: keeping a positive tone on your profile will attract people with a positive attitude, i.e. people who are fun to be with. A negative tone will attract negative people. It is so tempting to vent on your public profile. But personally, reading that stuff just puts me off, and it well might put off the very people you're trying to attract. It might feel good to know the object of your ire is getting told off, but he's not the one you should be concerned with.

 

Also, I'm sure she gained no more than ten pounds and that it's coming off fast, but it might be a better idea to simply take new pictures and not state in your profile that she is not at the same weight the pictures indicate. Otherwise people may not believe she looks like her pictures, since you pretty much say she has gained weight. This is a sensitive issue since sooooo many people post pictures that are over five years old and sometimes 50 pounds off. People will assume the truth is much worse than you state. And she is certainly gorgeous at her present weight anyway.

 

Overall, I like the things you wrote but the tone is pretty intense for me, and that is saying a lot. If we met you I'd be pretty much expecting you not to like us or to find some fault with us. I realize that is vague, so I apologize, but really it's the tone of what you say and what you emphasize rather than the content.

 

Good luck! It does take practice to weed out the people who are either fake, or couples who don't both want to be there or who are rude and too forward.

[bi4me2 93]

It's best for your female half to put this question to the other wife alone.

 

I think that is where she was trying to go with the conversation when she was given the couple of drinks line but she can answer that

 

First of all, if your male half wants to play, I suggest you post public pictures of him in your profile to go with the fantastic pictures of your female half. It only stands to reason that if there is a woman on the other end, she is going to want to see him too.

 

We have some in the private pics (which anyone we talk to sees), guess we will see if we can find something to put in the public one.

 

Second, I understand you are frustrated with single guys that take up your time, act real and then disappear. This is a very common frustration. It sucks, but it does happen. Here's what's important though: keeping a positive tone on your profile will attract people with a positive attitude, i.e. people who are fun to be with. A negative tone will attract negative people. It is so tempting to vent on your public profile. But personally, reading that stuff just puts me off, and it well might put off the very people you're trying to attract. It might feel good to know the object of your ire is getting told off, but he's not the one you should be concerned with.

 

Agreed and as I posted before it's now gone

 

Also, I'm sure she gained no more than ten pounds and that it's coming off fast, but it might be a better idea to simply take new pictures and not state in your profile that she is not at the same weight the pictures indicate. Otherwise people may not believe she looks like her pictures, since you pretty much say she has gained weight. This is a sensitive issue since sooooo many people post pictures that are over five years old and sometimes 50 pounds off. People will assume the truth is much worse than you state. And she is certainly gorgeous at her present weight anyway.

 

Actually I need to kill that line in the profile anyways because she is just about (a few pounds) away from where she was when those pics were taken, which was late last fall.

 

Overall, I like the things you wrote but the tone is pretty intense for me, and that is saying a lot. If we met you I'd be pretty much expecting you not to like us or to find some fault with us. I realize that is vague, so I apologize, but really it's the tone of what you say and what you emphasize rather than the content.

 

You are probably right with this, we are fairly 'intense' people in many ways and sometimes it comes out like that. Our biggest 'flaw' is the fact that we are honest to a fault and are not shy about voicing our opinions. You guys will probably see that here eventually.

 

I think we are going to sit down tonight and go over the ad together and tweak it some.

 

thanks

[Trace Ekies 186]

I agree with Fuse...

 

Your profile made me feel like a new employee reading the company policy...

 

Remember...Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have YOUR way. Many of your needs and concerns can be addressed with re-wording and will feel warmer to potential suitors.

 

I have spent a great deal of time teaching Mrs. Ekies that she MUST be willing to tell a pushy potential lover when her or she has gone too far. You must be willing to do the same...a polite, "hands off until I say so" should do the trick. Be very sure that he or she is not getting mixed signals...

 

Some tweaking of the profile, a bit of introspection and a little luck will bring some fantastic results.

 

Good luck!

 

Trace

[bi4me2 93]

I agree with Fuse...

 

Your profile made me feel like a new employee reading the company policy...

 

Remember...Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have YOUR way. Many of your needs and concerns can be addressed with re-wording and will feel warmer to potential suitors.

 

Yeah and we are probably the most undiplomatic people I can think of ... it can be a blessing at times and a curse at other times

 

I have spent a great deal of time teaching Mrs. Ekies that she MUST be willing to tell a pushy potential lover when her or she has gone too far. You must be willing to do the same...a polite, "hands off until I say so" should do the trick. Be very sure that he or she is not getting mixed signals..

 

A very good point and she was very good at it before we got together (or so I have been told), she needs to relearn some of what she did then (and forget some of it because she was known for telling guys where to go in a heartbeat when they bothered her)

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I agree with Fuse...

 

Your profile made me feel like a new employee reading the company policy...

 

Remember...Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have YOUR way. Many of your needs and concerns can be addressed with re-wording and will feel warmer to potential suitors.

 

I have spent a great deal of time teaching Mrs. Ekies that she MUST be willing to tell a pushy potential lover when her or she has gone too far. You must be willing to do the same...a polite, "hands off until I say so" should do the trick. Be very sure that he or she is not getting mixed signals...

 

Some tweaking of the profile, a bit of introspection and a little luck will bring some fantastic results.

 

Good luck!

 

Trace

 

I agree 100%. Your profile does sound a bit negative.

 

If I come across a profile that says "no this, no that, only this, don't do that, don't expect etc etc etc", I'm immediatEeLy turned OFF.

 

I also don't like the profiles that say "must be this, must be that, must HAVE this". I get that people like what they like but in my experience we have met many people in a club setting that didnt fit into the cookie cutter shape we THOUGHT we ONLY WANTED that we found to be INCREDIBLY attractive in person and HOTTER THAN hot in bed. I'm not saying that EVERYONE is this way but with us it's about the whole person rather then the dimensions of someone's cock and how much the wife weighs. I've met women that are heavier (not huge but heavier) then I would have imagined we would like and totally been into them as has hubby.

[bi4me2 93]

Alrighty then, we spent a few hours tonight on the profile at SLS, some tweaking, losing some 'negative' stuff and added the one pic of me I could stand looking at (I'm one of those that just hate all pics of me ... sorry)

 

For those that were critiquing the profile, can you take another look and give us your input?

 

thanks

[sexcupid 809]

I would recommend first of all having your wife pick a pictures of you. And then put your picture as one of the first five/default pics so that free members can see you as well (I wasn't able to see your picture since apparently its farther down the list) especially since the first five pics of your wife are all very similar.

 

The only thing that struck me as slightly negative was the "straight but not homophobic"...if only because you state that you play together and are interested in single males. Just saying you are straight should suffice. But that's just me.

 

But overall I thought the profile was very well written and detailed enough that there is good information for those perusing your profile to be able to determine compatibility for a potential meet.

[bi4me2 93]

(Mrs) So no reviews? We'd really like to get some opinions again. (thanks sexcupid, duly noted)

 

As for Mr. Touchy-feely, that will NEVER happen again. I will try to be as "politically correct" as possible at first. I really don't want to go back to the way I was of yesteryear, but if the need arises so be it.

[want2watch40 20]

Here is my take on a lot of this lifestyle (and we are new to adding others to our playtime).......

 

We have a profile on another site and, before it became "we", I had a single profile there. Well, I have to tell you that "our" profile has gotten a lot more response then "my" profile every thought of getting.

 

I have been fairly disappointed in what response we have because the male is the main one to contact us. It seems that he is wanting to get to the Ms's and plays it out like "they" are looking for a couple to play with. I've been very cautious about info and pictures shared. I have only had a handful of females make contact or even chat with us after talking to the males.

 

I'm seeing a lot of horny men seeking sex with the Ms. However, we are not just out to get the Ms laid and me watch or not be there at all. This is about US and we know what we are looking for. However, I'm feeling that it's all about the male seeking another female for an easy lay.

 

Now, we have found a few options from the site but it's very difficult to weed them out of the 1000's of males looking for easy sex.

[bi4me2 93]

I'm seeing a lot of horny men seeking sex with the Ms. However, we are not just out to get the Ms laid and me watch or not be there at all. This is about US and we know what we are looking for. However, I'm feeling that it's all about the male seeking another female for an easy lay.

 

(him)

 

Yup, seems to be the case a lot of the time .... sad in a way

[Guest rdy46227]

(Mrs) So no reviews? We'd really like to get some opinions again. (thanks sexcupid, duly noted)

 

{snip}

 

You're not visible to the plebes... i.e. people who don't have accounts.

[bi4me2 93]

You're not visible to the plebes... i.e. people who don't have accounts.

 

Yeah we shut that public profile off, wasn't too fond of the idea