Doctors orders - Cheat on your spouse?

[interested-05 135]

From the experience my brother had with a therapist, he may be looking to play with her without directly saying so.

 

Sounds more like a divorce in the making, than the growth of a healthy relationship.

 

Depending on the relationship with her spouse, it is something they really should try to work together on, rather than going behind his back to simply get even.

 

However:

 

When I was single, I dated several women who were still married and separated. I dated one gal who was married, but her spouse was continuing to cheat on her without regard to her feelings, and was in general denigrating her in a number of ways.

 

In which case, it "may do her good" to find a friend to play with. Why? She may need to rebuild her self-esteem and find self-acceptance so that she can move on with her life.

 

Also, from personal experience, as the guy that had been cheated and walked out on, it wasn't until I allowed myself to find someone to play with, before I could rediscover my self-worth, and reevaluate what was important in life for me.

 

In the long run, I look back and life is better today than it had been for a long time.

[LFM2 1,482]

She really needs to find a new therapist. I have no idea what kind of therapist would condone cheating as a way to avenge her cheating husband. Maybe she is her own therapist and this is what she's telling herself... Do unto others as they do unto you? Just sayin'.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

She said it would be closure for her, not her relationship, as she had no intentions of getting a divorce, but that this is on a personal level?

 

I think there is a much bigger story behind what she said (above).

 

Maybe this woman misunderstood what her therapist said, or has taken what he said and twisted it around.

 

Maybe this woman "heard" what she wanted to hear, i.e., permission from an authority figure to cheat.

 

Who knows. Whatever occurred, she has decided to place an ad on a swinger site.

[mikeandjenn2001 77]

Maybe this woman misunderstand what her therapist said, or has taken what he said and twisted it around.

 

Maybe this woman "heard" what she wanted to hear, i.e., permission from an authority figure to cheat.

 

That is always a possibility as I do not know any counselors that will suggest cheating as a form of therapy.

 

The counselor probably said something along the lines of "Take some time out for yourself, go have fun" and misinterpreted it as permission to cheat.

[Chicup 41]

Time to play Devil's Advocate.

 

Now let me be clear, if the woman's side of the story is true, than I can't see many professional therapists saying that for a lot of reasons.

 

But...

 

Husband has affair and it is tearing you up inside. I could easily see how in some circumstances having an affair could speed up the 'healing'. I'm not talking 'well you had an affair so I did too, so there!' but a secret affair where you can feel 'even' maybe see it wasn't that big a deal and move on.

[Rivertour 51]

No doubt in my mind, she needs a new therapist. I have my doubts that one would actually recommend cheating and agree, maybe the therapist is looking for some action. Shame on him.

 

If she wishes to "get even" then the sls site may not be her best place.

 

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with her myself, not because I'm unwilling or my spouse wouldn't allow it, I just don't think I'd want the drama that could and probably would result. Don't see many positive scenarios coming from this situation.

[michianacouple 15]

No doubt in my mind, she needs a new therapist. I have my doubts that one would actually recommend cheating and agree, maybe the therapist is looking for some action. Shame on him.

 

(yes shame on him. but I have heard from very good people about things that were told to someone in therapy)

 

If she wishes to "get even" then the Swing Lifestyle site may not be her best place.

 

(These are the things that give all of us that are in the "lifestyle" for fun a bad name)

 

Personally, I wouldn't get involved with her myself, not because I'm unwilling or my spouse wouldn't allow it, I just don't think I'd want the drama that could and probably would result. Don't see many positive scenarios coming from this situation.

 

Yes I agree, Rivertour. Plus I want to say I am not picking on you, your post was the last one and I agree with you so I done a quote. Have a great day:)

 

I agree with most all the post here. And I will add that due to a Long Talk I had with a Man year’s ago over a medical/Doctor issue about my Daughter. (This Gentlemen was the Big Cheese, the Number One Man in a Medical Insurance Company). This Man had a Medical Doctorate Degree, a M.D. and he also has a Doctorate Degree in Psychiatry. Yes, wouldn’t we all love to see our Daughters bring home a Man with two Medical Doctorate Degree’s!? He was the number one man at the Insurance Company plus he wanted to stay on top of his games so he also had Two smaller practices, one as a MD one as a Psychiatrist.

 

After talking to him for some time He told me his Feelings on a “Therapist”. “They do not have enough education and Knowledge on and about how the Human Mind works to diagnose and treat a person and do it correctly!” He said “It is like letting a Candy Stripper do Brain Surgery!”

 

He told me that most patients he sees in his Psychiatry Practice were seen by Therapist before they came to him due to their Insurance. As one example he said one patient he could have fixed up in three months, but it took him 6 months to straighten out what the Therapist screwed up then the three months to straighten out the original troubles the patient had. He felt that all Doctors should be required to get both Degrees, and then go into what ever Practice they wanted to go into. That way they would fully understand how the Mind affects the Body and how the Body affects the Mind! That way they can treat a patient the correct way for Body and Mind!

 

Plus I know a few people that work in the medical fields and it is far from perfect. We all have gone round and round with the so called experts in their field about how the Dr. above them never make mistakes, and would not code papers wrong. But our Insurance did not pay the claim because the papers were coded wrong and it takes 6 months of talking to get it thru their heads it correct the codes and resubmit the claims so they can get paid!

 

Sorry for the long reply! Just want to say you need to be very careful when you pick a Therapist!

[Swing*8701 887]

Therapist, physicians, are like any profession: there are good and bad ones, varying skill sets and more. You have to do your homework. Yet, really, the solution to an affair is to have one yourself? What about the other person involved ? Are they just collateral damage in an action that is abhorrent, in and of itself? Sure sounds stupid to me. Besides, has any form of revenge, ever really brought closure?

[it'sso 198]

Hope nobody reads too much into this, but my take on the medical profession is that they are ALL still learning and it wasn't all that long ago the the "numero uno doctor" sat you down and removed from a goatskin pouch a few snake leg bones and some chicken teeth and threw them on the ground to read them in order to perform his or her diagnostics.

 

If you have problems with your spouse and you can't solve them between the two of you, you should find different accommodations.

 

My opinion only.

[femnewb4u2 328]

Fun4Ds

 

Possibly her therapist did not encourage her to cheat. However, if the client was set on having a secret affair or one-nighter, I could see a therapist encouraging her to go at it in a fashion that may help support what the client is trying to discover about cheating, or herself, or the relationship. A type of..."Mrs Client, cheating is not the answer, I do not endorse it, however if you are intent upon taking this road then do X,Y and Z".

 

Kudos to you for not falling for the double standard which exists for many in the lifestyle...the "single" male is not allowed to be married, but the single female for the same couple is allowed to be.

 

My opinion only; By putting herself in the swing world on a site not only puts herself at risk as to her health (emotional) and her marriage but also brings risk to the couples or single male she spends time with. Too much could go wrong if she is on shaky ground. Besides the usual notes you see from couples who do not play with cheating spouses...i.e. drama...the risk of physical and environmental harm to the couple by the offended spouse would be there.

[slevin 1,374]

Hope nobody reads too much into this, but my take on the medical profession is that they are ALL still learning and it wasn't all that long ago the the "numero uno doctor" sat you down and removed from a goatskin pouch a few snake leg bones and some chicken teeth and threw them on the ground to read them in order to perform his or her diagnostics.

 

If you have problems with your spouse and you can't solve them between the two of you, you should find different accommodations.

 

My opinion only.

 

Some of that sentiment is part of the reason for the high divorce rate I think. Sometimes what is needed are better communication skills, which is something that a good therapist or psychologist can help with. A lot of that is personal rather than relationship. Sometimes just having someone not involved to talk to can help as well. I know I don't feel comfortable talking about the inner workings of my relationship with my close friends or family.

[intuition897 2,179]

I know that doctors are only human, which is why I don't think it's a good idea to put all your mental health eggs in that one basket. You're still ultimately responsible for your own mental health.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right. All this therapist has encouraged her to do is commit an act that she knows is wrong thereby further damaging her self-esteem, increasing her guilt, and making her sick to her stomach every time she has to look her husband in the eye...regardless of how guilty he might be. Does it really make her feel better? To look him in the eye and know how he felt while he was cheating? To put herself in his shoes like that? Does that make sense to anyone??

 

Sorry, but this stuff really touches a nerve with me. You don't fix anything by negative actions. You fix it with love and positive action: forgiveness and generosity of spirit (love of your spouse), personal integrity (self-love), direct honesty and deep, relentless communication. Fix it or get the fuck out. Cheating never solved any problem except a lawyer's empty pockets.