How to handle swingers with different values/beliefs

[Lolisa 15]

I guess we could have put the subject "swinging and values/religion/etc" ---insert any value you hold dear to your heart!

 

We are semi-new swingers (1 year) and are very open-minded and respect that other people are not the same as we are and genuinely accept that people will have different views than us. We have agreed that talking politics and religion is OFF LIMITS when meeting new people because if we find them likable and sexy and we all click, what does it matter? That said we need to have that chemistry and we need to genuinely like the people we swing with...physical attraction is only one part of sexual attraction for us.

 

We have played with a couple several times with whom we have great chemistry. We have become FWB which is nice but have been noticing the guy has been bringing the conversation to a political level, which we have respectfully ended quickly. We have a lifestyle facebook account and they just friended us....BIG MISTAKE. Now we can see how fiercely political they really are and how against many of our values they are. Wish we had kept it only on the sexy level!!! My husband and I feel like we could play with them again as long as we keep things away from "issues" but I honestly feel like a hypocrite and the image of this sexy woman I've had hot sex with holding a sign with some pretty hateful things written on it is kind of burned into my mind!

 

Like I said before, we are not in your face extreme activists, but we have our issues and hold our values and like to think we live our life with integrity!

 

How do YOU handle issues like this? Would you swing with anyone who was very different from you politically/religiously/value-wise?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

How do YOU handle issues like this? Would you swing with anyone who was very different from you politically/religiously/value-wise?

 

If we connect with a couple, then we really don't worry about those things, as long as they don't cause an issue. In other words, if they were militant in their views, no matter what those views are, we would probably find it to be a turnoff.

 

My personal views on politics and religion fly directly in the face of about every couple we've played with. But, they're my views, and I keep them to myself. If someone brings up a subject involving either of these things, I don't give a lot of feedback and start steering the conversation in a different direction.

 

In the end, talking about it isn't going to change my mind, and I know I'm not going to change theirs, so, we keep it off the table as much as possible. If we still find each other attractive, then, we can still do the one thing we do have in common.

 

That being said, if you find their views and beliefs such a turnoff that you don't enjoy being around them anymore, then you already know your answer.

[slevin 1,374]

Agreed; their views wouldn't turn me off having a purely sexual relationship with them. Unless they were adamant about discussing it and militantly trying to force their views on us. If I can steer the conversation towards more sexy topics then we're good to go. If not, then I'd move on. Actually, I'd probably move on even if the political/moral topics they wanted to discuss were ones I agreed with. That isn't what I want to talk about when I get together with a couple to swing!

[swing.kidz 367]

Don't let your differences bother your arrangement until it permeates into your 'playtime'. There are ignore/hide functions on facebook, so you don't have to even see their political diatribes.

 

You also have the freedom and duty to let him know that the next time he feels the need to inject a political opinion you outwardly oppose, its unappreciated and it definitely won't do your 'FWB arrangement' any justice. If he can't understand your need for political discretion, then that's a lack of mutual respect and he (and his wife) aren't worth your time anyway.

 

You guys aren't in a poly relationship are you? Don't waste too many emotions over this...seriously. Be who you are; demand reciprocated respect.

[trevor 17]

Both my wife and myself refuse to hang around people who fuel themselves with hate. End of story

[Chicup 41]

My best friend is my political opposite.

 

It really depends on what 'hateful' would be, as some people have rather broad definitions of it. Being politics isn't allowed here (hehe go figure) I won't give examples.

 

Without examples its hard to make my point 100% clear, but being so many people put their politics at their same level of religion (can't be discussed critically without them getting angry, many of their beliefs are on faith not fact, that sort of thing) we just avoid the conversation all together unless we KNOW we are on the same plane.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Coming from the right side of the political spectrum we easily make friends with people we disagree with, in and out of the LS.

 

In the LS we don't really talk too much about politics or religion. That said, if it comes up we are glad to discuss it. We take and give fun jabs, but we don't tolerate bigots, hostility or militants. We simple move on.

 

It comes down to the difference between tolerance and respect. I don't have to respect (give tacit support) your opinions, nor you mine. But I will tolerate those differences and expect the same from you. If you can't then so be it, we will part ways. Pepsi or Coke? I like Coke, if you like Pepsi, fine by me, just don't start haranguing me to drink Pepsi and we can all have fun.

 

I don't find it hypocritical at all to have friends that I disagree with politically, religiously or on any other point for that matter.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The people who were our "first" and are now our most-enduring acquaintance in this lifestyle are 180 degrees around from us in their political views. "She" seems to be able to keep in to herself but "he" occasionally gets excited into resonance. We do not end it respectfully. We end it smartly. One or the other of us hops right on it with something like, "Why did you have to bring this up? You should know better." It lasts for about six months before he falls off the wagon again.

 

Peoples' differences make them interesting; compatibility does not mean sameness.

 

~Michael

[Cajun2Step 65]

Pepsi or Coke? I like Coke, if you like Pepsi, fine by me, just don't start haranguing me to drink Pepsi and we can all have fun.

 

Now we are offended!! Lady C2S likes Dr. Pecker and I like a good Creamy Slurpee......I think you get the picture.

 

Seriously we have lifestyle friends and vanilla friends that 180 degrees out of sync with us politically, on religion, and other ways. The deal is mutual respect and no discussion of those topics on which we do not agree.

 

The bottom line is we do not like pushy people whether it is about one of those topics or sex. We are in the lifestyle to have fun that is built around great sex.

[enbloc 47]

There will always be differences of opinions between people as there are commonalities. If you dig deep enough, i'm sure you will find views that you both share. Perhaps you can focus on those areas rather than the opposite views. You will have to decide if your "friendship" can get passed the differences. How do they feel about your views?

[ViSexual 1,008]

We are both pretty moderate, in fact, I'm a 'moderate extremist'! Hey, since the right is represented by red and the left by blue then I consider us violet! And, I think everyone has the right to their beliefs but we should all be considerate of each others. So, I'm advocating the 'violet overthrow of the system'!

 

Well, now I'm sure to get reprimanded for that, right? LOL!

 

Seriously now, this is all about chemistry and not politics or religion. We have vanilla friends from both extremes, left and right, but the friendship overcomes politics. We simply agree to disagree. Why should it be different with people you truly enjoy sexually?

[PB&J 1,086]

We probably have swung with people we would disagree with, but don't know because we haven't discussed it. That being said, if we knew what you know, we probably wouldn't be able to continue the swinging with this couple. Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it could be a pretty effective buzzkill. Just saying that's how it might work with us. Depends on a variety of things, but if you see the sign when you see them, it's going to be hard to get in the mood, and that's just the way it is. Chemistry can depend on more than just the sexiness of the people.

[ItTakes3 19]

It probably bothers them as much as it bothers you, and I doubt sex will make any of you change your politics. Since the issue seems to bother you, I suggest you find some different playmates and avoid simmering conflict over what each of you perceives as "values".

[Lolisa 15]

Wow, great responses....thanks...We feel similarly, it is just hard to put it into words! We actually like these people a lot and enjoy their sexual and nonsexual company and as long as they can keep it on a nonpolitical level I think we are OK with it. There is much much more to them (and us) than politics.

[ViSexual 1,008]

If you really enjoy them then just suggest to them that you avoid that conversation.

 

Now we're going out on the Silver River today with good friends who are now very active in a new, rather extreme in our minds, political party. And, I'm sure they'll want to talk about the two recent gatherings in DC they've attended. But, when we get to talking about other things and enjoying each other's company, politics just seems so unimportant.

 

OK, these are vanilla friends although I sure wouldn't mind if they were more. But if we were enjoying them sexually, as well as vanilla wise, I wouldn't care if they tried to convert us all the time! I like them dispite their different politics! Hey, what do they say about opposities attract?

[interested-05 135]

I figure it this way, there are bigots everywhere, from every side, left or right, top or bottom.

But to simply disagree doesn't make one a bigot or intolerant. WE all have a right to our personal opinion.

Just dont force me to go bankrupt with the rest of you.

Thanks to the temporary introduction of Coke II, back in the late 80's, I learned to swing Coke or Pepsi, guess that means i'm now Poly

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

We've run into this on a few different issues... here in the south a big one is racism. If we discover (at any point) that someone is openly racist, we just walk away. We aren't ones to get into talking politics and very rarely voice our opinions (political or religious) openly, and certainly not in a swinger setting. If we find that someone is in your face about their views and they don't agree with ours (or even if they do) it's a turn off. Again, we walk away. In your case, I don't think we'd continue to hang out with them, and as you said it's hard to separate the person from the body, so it's not fun anymore.

[Playful1 434]

I'm with pretty much everyone else. I know several couples who hold positions on things i find distasteful, but, as long as they are not militant and keep the discussion to a minimum, i can tolerate it if i enjoy them as partners.

 

i do know one or two couples though that i keep my contact with to a minimum, as their beliefs come up constantly and they are ignorant about them and get pissed if you dare disagree.

 

for me, it is the difference between people i can (and want) only to deal with on an occasional group basis, and folks i enjoy seeing at every party.

 

I'll put up with almost everyone, but if you annoy me enough, i will limit how often i have to.

 

That said, if we hold different points of view but you can discuss them intelligently with me and take a few jokes (I certainly an), then we'll get along fine