What did your man say?

[shrevecouple 252]

So me and my husband have had conversations about possibly swinging over the last year. I tend to ask many questions that I get a little confused and sometimes a little hurt over the answers. To help you understand us better. We have been married for 9 years and together 10. All of those years monogamous.

 

The crazy thing for me is that I absolutely have no concerns of my husband falling in love with anybody else or leaving me for another because of this. I have of course wondered how it may be for him coming back to me if he happens to find a lady that is "tighter" than I am. Will she feel better, etc. And yes I do understand that men have similar concerns when it comes to other men who may be bigger than them.

 

And everybody says of course that what makes the sex better with your SO is the fact that you love them and the emotion involved. I wanna know that feelings aside I rock his world like no other.

 

When this came up in our conversations he has pretty much told me that all the women he has been with felt pretty much the same to him. He had been with one girl he could call tight he supposed and in the end and didn't get to finish with her because it was painful for him. He says that one don't really feel any different than the other to him and that he thinks it's because he don't have a big penis. And his penis isn't small it's average. I've done my research on that. LOL

 

What I get off him is that basically that when it comes down to it, sexually I will feel no different than anybody else that the intimacy will really be the only difference. I am not knocking intimacy. It does make things special. Am I weird for wanting to feel like nobody can rock his world like I can? That when he comes back to me I want him to say to himself. Damn what was that girl's name? LOL

 

Get me?

[SAVANDWIN 266]

I "get ya Jennifer" LOL. What your're feeling is all very normal.Women especially tie so much importance to sex sometimes, must of us were raised to equate great sex with great love. Try not to think in comparisions, think fun, different and something to be shared together. For myself I detest a man who tells me "I wish my wife this or that or says "You're so much better at xyz"

The Lifestyle isn't about replacing what you share at home ; it's about exploring your passions together . True swingers are not looking for "what they don't get at home" or even "better than" they get at home. A true gentleman will never compare his wife who he loves to any other women and I've seen it time and time again....a man deep in the throws of passion with someone else will reach for his wife, swap off to get back to his wife etc. I know a few men even who have difficultly orgasiming with another women even though they're having the time of their lives at that moment.I suggest you take it slow, keep talking and as you move forward (if you do) that following a playdate you both discuss in detail the good, the bad , the fun and the moments of uncomfortableness. This is a learning process, learning about your partner on another level but more importantly learning about yourself.

Jealousy will rear it's ugly head from time to time; we're all human. A smart man will bend over backwards and move heaven and earth to remind his wife She is his best ever and always will be.

I do have one suggestion for you should you venture into this. As you look for couples ,pay very close attention how they interact with each other. Are they loving, affectionate and attentive to each other while in your company? We have found the most successful play dates are always with a couple who genuinely love each other. If you can't "see" it in them chances are it isn't there. A couple who treats their spouses with adoration and respect will cause you less drama, less headaches and tend to treat others with the same tender care. You don't ever want to feel you're fixing someones poor sex life, merely enhancing it....and remind yourself you are both doing the same.

 

Good luck to you both,

Mrs Sav

[shrevecouple 252]

OH yeah I so thought of that. I wouldn't like it if my husband ever said that to another. The "you do this better" and so on. And I would't feel comfortable being told that either.

Yes my husband is a "true gentleman" and I don't think he would ever come out and say something like that. How do you turn off that little part of your brain that says. "What if he does find that somebody who "rocks his world" better than you. He'll be thinking about that person all the time and you will never know because he sure won't tell you for the sake of your feelings."

I have talked to many people in the lifestyle so far and it's like for them it could compare to turning a light switch on and off. It gets turned on for playtime and when playtime is over it turns off. They don't constantly think about it or obsess over the touch/feel/taste of that other person.

 

It would sure be nice to think it could be that way!

[SAVANDWIN 266]

Put yourself in the same place you're putting him. Imagine a "great " time with someone else (not better just great) do you really think you'll be obsessing , reliving every moment in your mind every time your hubby makes love to you? Sure it can be fun, sexy , hot or whatever word you use to describe it but it isn't life changing . In our years of swinging I have never ever thought "Gee why can't Mr Sav do ______ like Mr So and So." I've never met any man who can satisfy me on every level the way Mr Sav does. I don't make the comparisions and as a loving gentleman I very much doubt he will be off broading about the wonders of another women. Swing is about you Both as a Couple, not his needs over yours or yours over his. It isn't about replacing or even trying to equal what you share together. It's about expanding what you share, talking about it after and fantasizing about the next time. If Mr. makes you feel treasured, secure and loved in your vanilla life you have nothing to worry about. Yes I know easier said than done . All men and women have flaws, fears and insecurities and trust me the same thought you're having will dawn on him as well if it hasn't already . It's normal and overcomable.

Give the man some credit he isn't looking to replace you any more than you are to replace him. You wouldn't think that way and chances are he won't either. Some grass may look greener from a distance but it has all the weeds ,anthills and needs frequent mowing just like your own.

 

 

I once read that no matter how beautiful a women is or how great she is in bed some man is sick of her shit !!! Humanize her in your own mind and "she" is no longer a threat lol.

 

Mrs Sav

[Swingoneway 74]

When this came up in our conversations he has pretty much told me that all the women he has been with felt pretty much the same to him. He had been with one girl he could call tight he supposed and end the end and didn't get to finish with her because it was painful for him. He says that one don't really feel any different than the other to him and that he thinks it's because he don't have a big penis. And his penis isn't small it's average. I've done my research on that. LOL

Jennifer

 

I can vouch for this. I am an average guy myself, and unless a girl is extremely tight to the point of being painful (been there) I really can't feel a difference. I assume I would be able to tell if a girl was extremely loose as well, but I've never been in that situation.

[shrevecouple 252]

Well that's interesting. I guess I was looking for a "yours is the best i've ever felt and nobody will feel better" kind of statement. And when he says something like that it's like I feel like physically I am not special. I know I am special to him but .....I hope you get what I mean.

[Swingoneway 74]

Oh I get what you mean. From my point of view, my wife is special in bed because of her experience with me. She knows my quirks, my reactions, what gets me going and how to drive me nuts. Another woman wouldn't know those things, and I would likely choose to keep certain things special to just my wife and I.

 

The feeling of a pussy is good, but generally speaking the same from woman to woman for an average sized guy unless they are doing something else. For example, my wife occasionally does something special right at the point when I'm about to get off that I'm sure another woman could duplicate, but not as well as my wife. The timing might be off, or the sensation different.

 

Consider the entire act from first touch until the last, not just the part where he's thrusting in you.

[shrevecouple 252]

 

Consider the entire act from first touch until the last, not just the part where he's thrusting in you.

 

I will try to take that to heart. It does make sense. It's just making it sink in.

[JM153 346]

Yes my husband is a "true gentleman" and I don't think he would ever come out and say something like that. How do you turn off that little part of your brain that says. "What if he does find that somebody who "rocks his world" better than you. He'll be thinking about that person all the time and you will never know because he sure won't tell you for the sake of your feelings."

 

Hey Mrs Shreve, We have had some great times at the Chateau there in Shreveport. If you decide to go to an on premises club we recommend it. I quoted your above statement because it brings to mind a human trait we are all guilty of from time to time. That is worrying about what someone is thinking instead of enjoying what they are doing. As Mrs Sav has stated swinging is not about replacing your sex with your partner, but rather enhancing your sex life. But, in lets say hypothetically that you or your husband find a particular sex partner that as you say "rocks your world" what then? Again hypothetically what if the next time you two have sex you are thinking of the other person. Is that necessarily bad. I submit it is not. What counts is what each of you are doing to bring sex into your love life. It is no different than thinking of a fantasy while you are having sex or watching a porno to get in the mood. It is all mind play and doesn't have anything to do with why you are married and what your loving relationship brings to each other. I believe what counts is what you do and say and not what you think.

[shrevecouple 252]

I see where you are coming from but I do see a difference in watching porn to get in the mood and remembering and thinking of another sex partner while you are with me. To me the fantasy should be while you are in the act of participating in that fantasy not when it's just you and I.

 

I do agree with the club idea. We may get to go to a local one this weekend (babysitter willing).

[mactlk 16]

We have on occasion been with others who do things differently than we do with each other. Sometimes what a play partner does may seem better than how we do things with each other. We then talk about those things and see how we can use them when it is just the two of us. We use the differences we find with others to help us to improve the sex/love making between the two of us. Sometimes reading about how to do something is not nearly as easy to duplicate as having someone else do it with you. It is not really that it makes that particular play partner better than your spouse, but that they brought something new to your play for you to learn or to help you help your spouse learn that will enhance your own love lives. We like to think of these partners as partners who can teach us how to be better with each other, not as someone who might replace our spouse.

 

If a play date goes great, take the experience and see what you each can use from it to add to your together play. If a play date is not very good, you can also find things to learn from it. Such as questions to ask potential playmates beforehand that you hadn't thought to ask before, perhaps something that you realize one or both of you feel you need to do differently next time.

 

Terry

[sweet_tna 680]

Yeah, I get you. And I'm lucky in that my hubby says that I do rock his world better than anyone else. And truth be told, the same is true for me with him. We've been together almost 18 years now, and pretty much grew up together, sexually speaking. So we know each other's hot buttons.

 

BUT there are little things here and there that we've each found that a playmate does "better" or just "different in a good way" than what we do for each other. And it's all good. Really, it just comes down to different flavors of ice cream. And I like the Sweet flavor best, hands down.

 

So try not to focus on his comments, because him loving you and enjoying the emotional connection is what matters most.

 

=)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think we all want to feel like we are the best sex our partner has had... the funny thing is if you think about it you want to feel that way with everyone you have sex with whether it's your partner or not. You want your hubby to feel you are the best, but if/ when you are having sex with someone else chances are you will want them to feel like you really rocked their world too. You just gotta remember there's a big difference between sex and love. Just because someone rocks your world sexually doesn't mean you love them... it might make you lust them tho

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Are there times when my wife's playmates do something better than me, or as Julie put it, "different in a good way"? Absolutely, and I hope there always is. I want her to have a great time every time we get to play. Sometimes it is just the "new partner experience" that makes it good, sometimes it is technique, sometimes it is physical. There are times the same is true of my playmates. And, after the fact, we talk about those things that made the experience good as well.

 

That has been a good thing because we have both become better at pleasing the other. Things we have experienced with someone else, we share and try in our bedroom. That has been one of the unexpected benefits to swinging for us, we continue to learn to please each other more all the time.

 

AS far as physical traits go I think you have already covered that. Different physical traits can make a difference in the amount of pleasure. Women that are too tight may not be as pleasing to one man as to another. I am average in length but fairly thick, as a result there are things that my wife does not enjoy as much with me as with someone not as thick, it is just not as "comfortable" or easy for her. There are also things she enjoys more with me. . I don't get upset about that, because it's an opportunity for her to enjoy things that may be difficult with me. I love it.

 

I think this requires a certain amount of security in a relationship. I know if someone else "rocks her world" that means nothing more than she had a great time. She is still coming home with me and we will still be together because our relationship is so much more.

 

No matter how good you are at something there is always going to be someone better at certain aspects. (I'll use a football analogy because I like them ) Take Jerry Rice, the greatest WR in NFL history. There were and are WR's that run better routes, have more speed, have better hands etc. But none put them all together as well as Jerry Rice. I'm her Jerry Rice and she is mine

 

But in the end, with all the newness, techniques and physical traits aside, no one makes me feel like she does and the same is true for her. There is so much more to love (and even sex with your partner) than just sex, if that makes sense. So enjoy the sex for what it is and remember that even if someone rocks his world, he is yours and loves you.

[shrevecouple 252]

This actually came up again yesterday in our discussions. He thinks that he said that because he has been "out of the game" so to speak for so long. He says that it's been so long since he's been with anyone else that although he may remember sex with someone else he don't remember how it feels. He says that when I came along all that fell aside and he didn't worry about them anymore and so he don't remember how it feels to be with another.

[Pretty Blue Eye 15]

Hi. My BF and I are still new to all of this. We started swinging in July of this year. Given our very limited experience, we made a very important discovery for us. Even though we have enjoyed our encounters with others very much. We have found that the best sex we will ever have is just with each other. So, we had to ask ourselves; What do we get out of sex with others that makes it worth continuing in the lifestyle. Well, we get to act out fantasies that are impossible with just the two of us and our encounters add fuel to our own sex lives.

I hope this perspective alleviates some of your concerns.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, this made me think about back when I was single and dating. Wow! That was sure a long time ago! LOL!

 

Anyway, I was 24 when we got married and I did have lots of girlfriends before.

 

I can remember some that I thought, "wow, great tits..., I could spend hours just sucking them." And, I remember some that I thought, "wow, what an ass", and some, "wow, what a beautiful pubic hair" and yes, some, "wow, what a great feeling vagina."

 

Not one of those girls ever made me consider marrying them.

 

But I only remember one that I thought, "wow, what a wonderful girl," and I married her. She might not have had the best looking different parts, or the best tasting or feeling different parts, but she was the best match for me.

 

And when we had our first swinging experience a few years later I remember thinking, "wow, what a sexy lady", and hoped she was enjoying what we were doing as much as I was. And, I also remember the other wife I was with that first time and thinking, "wow, how totally different from my wife!"