What are GOOD reasons for a single male to be single?

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

I've seen a few threads lately discussing single males directly or as part of the thread drift. Occasionally, I've seen people posting that single males are single for a reason, often with the implication that there's something wrong with them that swingers should be wary of.

 

I think there's two sets, with overlap to each other, as to why a single male would be single and wanting to be in the lifestyle. There's definite reasons why being single would make them poor choices for couples to play with, definite reasons why they're single but the reason only applies to being in a long term relationship and has no effect on swinging, and overlap between the two.

 

I have my own ideas about this, but wanted to see what others thought. So, what are some reasons a guy would be single...

• but the reason has no negative towards swinging
  
• but the reason is a negative for swinging
  
• the reason applies to both vanilla and swinging
  

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have a friend a few years older then I am. He is 63. He was married until he was 30 years old and has been single since then.

 

He has been at the club for 28 years. A man that everyone loves and respects.

 

I have heard a few people ask him over the years why he is single. His response is always the same.

 

"I am happy as I am".

 

Some people just want to be single. I have known both men and women that have gone their whole life as a single person and died happy of old age.

 

Some like being married, others like being single. I don't judge them either way.

 

Them being happy is all that matters in their life and it is their life so that is all that really matters.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I have my own ideas about this, but wanted to see what others thought. So, what are some reasons a guy would be single...

• but the reason has no negative towards swinging
  
• but the reason is a negative for swinging
  
• the reason applies to both vanilla and swinging
  

 

*but the reason has no negative towards swinging

 

My wife and I know two men who have absolutely gorgeous personalities and who also make women become weak at the knees whenever they enter a room. One was made very, very wary of commitment by a previous married relationship that was truly abusive. The other is simply a free spirit. He knows that he would not make a good father or a good husband. And any if the "marryable" women he ever met wanted to have, what? Children!

[GPHTallCouple 69]

I've seen a few threads lately discussing single males directly or as part of the thread drift. Occasionally, I've seen people posting that single males are single for a reason, often with the implication that there's something wrong with them that swingers should be wary of.

 

I think there's two sets, with overlap to each other, as to why a single male would be single and wanting to be in the lifestyle. There's definite reasons why being single would make them poor choices for couples to play with, definite reasons why they're single but the reason only applies to being in a long term relationship and has no effect on swinging, and overlap between the two.

 

I have my own ideas about this, but wanted to see what others thought. So, what are some reasons a guy would be single...

• but the reason has no negative towards swinging
  
• but the reason is a negative for swinging
  
• the reason applies to both vanilla and swinging
  

 

I think the reason why some men (and women) are still single is they don't take ownership of their actions and their destiny. You have the poor me nobody cares about me, the everyone does me wrong and etc personalities. It doesn't take long until you see a pattern. Bascially they are maladjusted and have poor social skills. This applies negatively to both vanilla and swinging.

 

I have met some wonderful men and know a few women (nonswingers), that chose to be single. You can spot them right off. They are level headed and well adjusted. These guys (and gals) make great FB, FWBs and good swingers.

[Big Rock 173]

*but the reason has no negative towards swinging

 

My wife and I know two men who have absolutely gorgeous personalities and who also make women become weak at the knees whenever they enter a room. One was made very, very wary of commitment by a previous married relationship that was truly abusive. The other is simply a free spirit. He knows that he would not make a good father or a good husband. And any if the "marryable" women he ever met wanted to have, what? Children!

Actually , for me it is a combination of both. I have tried marriage and neither of us were ready for the level of commitment it involves, so I now know that I'm not prepared for the exigencies of husbandhood or fatherhood. Neither of these reasons have any negative implications toward swinging. In fact, one of the main reasons for my being attracted to the lifestyle was the idea of NSA sex with RESPONSIBLE adults, who have no hidden agendas.

[femnewb4u2 328]

Bbarnsworth,

 

(As a previous "unicorn" I am going to refrain from certain comments and be a good girl here by moving on to your question.)

 

Mr. Femnewb and I have a single male gentleman we enjoy as a swing partner in MFM. We feel honored to have him as a play partner not only for who he is as a person, but as you bring up, also for the reasons he is in swing. He has a full time job, a parent who has health issues requiring his attention, and is currently starting a two-owner business in an unrelated field. He is charming, intelligent, well read, has a variety of interests indoors and outdoors, and several good friends. He was in the lifestyle previously with his ex-fiancee for 5 years. He was introduced to the lifestyle by an older couple (MFMs) years ago. He decided he did not have the time in his schedule, and the energy, in his life right now to devote to building and maintaining a dating relationship with a woman. He does not want to potentially destroy any good female friendships he has had for years by turning them into FWBs just to have sex in his world. For him, it just made sense to pop back into swing to find sexual play time and connections. While we are privey to some of his personal life we are all careful to not let his vanilla world see the foundation of his "friendship" with us. He is one of those rare single males who does not flaunt his interest to the world...a bennie for us.

 

And now having written this, I am not sure if this qualifies for your first category or your third.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

And now having written this, I am not sure if this qualifies for your first category or your third.

 

I think both Regardless, thank you for sharing your experience. It shows what I've felt and seen for a long time, that there are good single males out there who are single for reasons that have no negative impact on swinging.

 

It is true as well there are certainly single men in the lifestyle who are single for various reasons that would impact on swinging.

[Guest rdy46227]

I know you ask for "GOOD", but here's a counter example.

 

This person always needs a NRE; he is a PEA junkie; after 6 to 12 months he's bored and the hormones that sustain attraction are gone.

 

He's a player with good skills (from lots of practice). Many of us who socialize with him have been dropping broad hints or even direct warnings regarding his history to the new women he frequently brings round.

 

Somehow, most of them believe the experience is worth the adversity, or they also always need a NRE; are PEA junkies; or recognize an opportunity for mutual misuse.

 

 

---

NRE - New Relationship Experience - The high you get from a new partner.

 

PEA - Phenylethylamine aka the Love Hormone.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

rdy46227; those are excellent reasons why a guy would want to be single, and make him ill suited to be in a long term relationship, and leave wreckage in his wake with women who are expecting something more than few months long dalliance.

 

But, I don't know those are reasons that work against swinging. If he's good in every other respect, but just enjoys moving from woman to woman to woman after a while with each, seems like a good candidate for swinging? Thoughts?

[Guest rdy46227]

{snip}

But, I don't know those are reasons that work against swinging. If he's good in every other respect, but just enjoys moving from woman to woman to woman after a while with each, seems like a good candidate for swinging? Thoughts?

I take your point. Obviously, I'm not thinking things through to their natural conclusion.

[omoplata 15]

In my opinoon -and I am a single male myself- if you try too hard to explain why you are single and try to justify it as if it was a sin, it will turn people off more. If there is a particular reason, perhaps it is best to mention it. I do say that I divorced recently (well a year now), but do not elaborate unless asked and so far was not asked really.

[Chicup 42]

I think the issue with single males is not that there is no good reason for them to be single, just that many of them that are single males in the lifestyle are single for a negative reason. This leads to the desperate for sex group, which in turn leads to all the bad single male stories out there.

 

Odds are someone who is a good swinger as a single male, showing a proper respect for the woman would also be a good partner for a woman. As such you have the find someone who knows how to treat a lady, but doesn't want to have a lady. This is not going to be a majority of males.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Some good single males used to be in lifestyle relationships that broke up. The only single male we see somewhat regularly is someone we met as part of a couple. He understands the lifestyle, what it takes and how to treat people. He's still single because he wants another lifestyle relationship, and that's hard to find. Imagine being suddenly single, used to the kind of relationship that supports swinging, and trying to find that out in the world. He is faced with a difficult road. Meanwhile, he is a single male in the lifestyle who is handsome, tall, smart, articulate, has a good job, good in bed, and generally wonderful to be around.

[Chicup 42]

Some good single males used to be in lifestyle relationships that broke up. The only single male we see somewhat regularly is someone we met as part of a couple. He understands the lifestyle, what it takes and how to treat people. He's still single because he wants another lifestyle relationship, and that's hard to find. Imagine being suddenly single, used to the kind of relationship that supports swinging, and trying to find that out in the world. He is faced with a difficult road. Meanwhile, he is a single male in the lifestyle who is handsome, tall, smart, articulate, has a good job, good in bed, and generally wonderful to be around.

 

Basically he is in transition. I would be a 'good' single male it that were to happen to me, but such would not be my life long goal either.

[MN Tom 251]

To be honest nearly every single we have talked and/or played with is a divorcee or has been in a serious relationship and isnt in one currently.

 

Not counting the hallpass people of course.

 

We have met very few singles who have never been attached before.

 

With that said, we can understand why people would want to be singles in the lifestyle at times. Some of these divorcees have kids, and at this stage in their kids lives they don't want to date in the vanilla sense. They just want to go out and enjoy an evening from time to time without any encumberances. Some of them are open to the idea of finding someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with again, but they aren't willing to spend a lot of time actively searching for that person.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Even though this thread seems to be long dead, I'll put in my handful of change.

 

I'm single because...

 

I'm widowed

 

My few requirements for entering into a LTR with a woman have never been met (can cook, is neat, can hold conversations that don't revolve around politics/celebrities/religion, isn't a habitual substance user {aside from cigarettes} and likes me for me. Younger women have a tendency to fail at the first three and I'm tired of meeting women in my own age group who treat alcohol and weed as crutches. No exaggeration in the above statement, sad to say.) tl;dr-I attract flaky young women (with the housekeeping skills of rabid ferrets) and jaded older women (who have a tendency to see me as prospective Husband No.2, but with their prior husband's same faults.)

 

My job specifics involve large amounts of travel, and most women prefer to have husbands who are home on a daily basis. All of the functional (if not happy) marriages in my circles involve couples who are (at the very least) in "open-ish" marriages (IOW, what happens TDY, stays TDY). Now, if women like that were a dime a dozen, I'd be in business. However, they most definitely are not (whether they're "I'll overlook if because he'll be home soon" types or "Well, he told me to have fun while he's gone, so I'll do it because he loves me" types. Never let it be said that I'm not flexible.)

 

Marriage and kids are expensive. To maintain the type of lifestyle to which the average American woman is accustomed, I'd have to earn at least 50% than I'm currently earning at this time. As with the ^^ example, I've seen quite a few military marriages fall apart because of the no money/hubby not home complex.

 

Finally, if I meet another woman who either claims that she's "this close" to divorcing her husband or expects/attempts to get me involved as a "secret second husband", I'll just give up and move to the Yukon. I don't have a personal problem with polyamory, but I'm not readily built for that lifestyle.

 

Long story short: I want to marry a woman who knows how to take care of a house without becoming a "Stepford wife", a woman who knows about more than pop culture/religion/politics-feminism, a woman who I can assume isn't going to leave me because I'm "too poor" or "never home", a woman who isn't going to go home to her "real" husband on Sunday nights and is still going to appreciate sex. You'd think that it's an easy thing to accomplish. You're wrong.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Even though this thread seems to be long dead, I'll put in my handful of change.

 

I'm single because...

 

I'm widowed

 

My few requirements for entering into a LTR with a woman have never been met (can cook, is neat, can hold conversations that don't revolve around politics/celebrities/religion, isn't a habitual substance user {aside from cigarettes} and likes me for me. Younger women have a tendency to fail at the first three and I'm tired of meeting women in my own age group who treat alcohol and weed as crutches. No exaggeration in the above statement, sad to say.) tl;dr-I attract flaky young women (with the housekeeping skills of rabid ferrets) and jaded older women (who have a tendency to see me as prospective Husband No.2, but with their prior husband's same faults.)

 

My job specifics involve large amounts of travel, and most women prefer to have husbands who are home on a daily basis. All of the functional (if not happy) marriages in my circles involve couples who are (at the very least) in "open-ish" marriages (IOW, what happens TDY, stays TDY). Now, if women like that were a dime a dozen, I'd be in business. However, they most definitely are not (whether they're "I'll overlook if because he'll be home soon" types or "Well, he told me to have fun while he's gone, so I'll do it because he loves me" types. Never let it be said that I'm not flexible.)

 

Marriage and kids are expensive. To maintain the type of lifestyle to which the average American woman is accustomed, I'd have to earn at least 50% than I'm currently earning at this time. As with the ^^ example, I've seen quite a few military marriages fall apart because of the no money/hubby not home complex.

 

Finally, if I meet another woman who either claims that she's "this close" to divorcing her husband or expects/attempts to get me involved as a "secret second husband", I'll just give up and move to the Yukon. I don't have a personal problem with polyamory, but I'm not readily built for that lifestyle.

 

Long story short: I want to marry a woman who knows how to take care of a house without becoming a "Stepford wife", a woman who knows about more than pop culture/religion/politics-feminism, a woman who I can assume isn't going to leave me because I'm "too poor" or "never home", a woman who isn't going to go home to her "real" husband on Sunday nights and is still going to appreciate sex. You'd think that it's an easy thing to accomplish. You're wrong.

 

Oh sure, blame the women . Hell, if I were single, I follow you around just to pick up the crumbs you leave behind, ya know ?

 

Conversations about "pop culture/religion/politics-feminism" ? I would invite these conversations with any woman, and do so often, even with Mrsfun. Maybe you need a mute or something.... I don't get it I guess. Are you saying your above these conversations ? Do you just, ya ya ya, the woman you fuck now ?

 

My wife told me of a story of how she made butter once, years ago. I listened because what she started with, lead to so many things about her life. I can't imagine that being so hard to accomplish ?

 

Blame your travels, I'm missed when I'm gone. But don't blame the woman...

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Even though this thread seems to be long dead,...

 

Old threads never die, they just fade away...

 

Thanks for the post Mr.Essex

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm thinking of two different single guys that I know... who are both either open to swinging or actively swinging.

 

1. Is an AWESOME guy. Seriously I'd marry him if I wasn't with the man of my dreams. He is really everything a woman could want if she'd give him a chance... but for some reason they rarely do. Or when they do they end up just using him. IMO, he's single because he's way too nice to women.

 

2. Is an active swinger. He has a crappy job and is not someone I'd date. He's hot, has a great body and is great looking and is probably great in bed (at least from what I've heard) but when you talk to him you realize there's just not a lot there to make you want to go beyond that.

 

In both cases I don't think their single status affects their ability to swing, or to find swinging partners... or to be a good swing partner.

[Mr.Essex 264]

Oh sure, blame the women . Hell, if I were single, I follow you around just to pick up the crumbs you leave behind, ya know ?

 

Conversations about "pop culture/religion/politics-feminism" ? I would invite these conversations with any woman, and do so often, even with Mrsfun. Maybe you need a mute or something.... I don't get it I guess. Are you saying your above these conversations ? Do you just, ya ya ya, the woman you fuck now ?

 

My wife told me of a story of how she made butter once, years ago. I listened because what she started with, lead to so many things about her life. I can't imagine that being so hard to accomplish ?

 

Blame your travels, I'm missed when I'm gone. But don't blame the woman...

 

You haven't been involved in the dating market for a while, I'm assuming?

I won't go as far as to say that all women are tunnel-visioned narcissists, but I've met far more than my share of "Sex and the City" archetypes in my travels. For clarity's sake, I'll say that they were the type of women who couldn't have even had a conversation about churning butter without tying the event into whatever their overweening passion was at that point in time. Suffice to say, if your wife had an unerring ability to turn even the most innocuous conversation into an anti-liberal screed (as in, "Those pansy-ass Obama-huggers don't have enough upper-body strength to make butter!"), a pro-fashion screed ("Well, I've always loved the color of freshly churned butter. It's the same color as that dress that Angelina Jolie was wearing at the SAG awards banquet, the one that happened year before last that brought shoulderless dresses back into fashion for about three weeks before Heidi Montag made the trend/...") or worse, you can't sympathise with me at all.

 

Then again, I've also been "lucky" enough to have dated a lot of city mice and country mice (the type of "mice" who tailor their entire lives around living the stereotypes), and it becomes awfully dull after the first few months. And the less said about the couple of women who decided to enlighten me on the "truths" of HBD, the better...

[funn 15]

Bbarnsworth,

 

(As a previous "unicorn" I am going to refrain from certain comments and be a good girl here by moving on to your question.)

 

Mr. Femnewb and I have a single male gentleman we enjoy as a swing partner in MFM. We feel honored to have him as a play partner not only for who he is as a person, but as you bring up, also for the reasons he is in swing. He has a full time job, a parent who has health issues requiring his attention, and is currently starting a two-owner business in an unrelated field. He is charming, intelligent, well read, has a variety of interests indoors and outdoors, and several good friends. He was in the lifestyle previously with his ex-fiancee for 5 years. He was introduced to the lifestyle by an older couple (MFMs) years ago. He decided he did not have the time in his schedule, and the energy, in his life right now to devote to building and maintaining a dating relationship with a woman. He does not want to potentially destroy any good female friendships he has had for years by turning them into FWBs just to have sex in his world. For him, it just made sense to pop back into swing to find sexual play time and connections. While we are privey to some of his personal life we are all careful to not let his vanilla world see the foundation of his "friendship" with us. He is one of those rare single males who does not flaunt his interest to the world...a bennie for us.

 

And now having written this, I am not sure if this qualifies for your first category or your third.

 

we had the exact same type of single guy in our life for the last couple of years. He actually treated my wife as his girlfriend. He finally started a vanilla relationship with another woman so no we are without . This guy was actually a great friend to both of us. We miss him.