Is there a place out there for people like us, as "naturists" or soft swingers?

[Palatex 52]

Greetings all, new to the board and glad to be with all of you.

 

A little background, I'm in my early 40s and my wife is in mid-30s. We're both DINKs (double-income no kids), both white with brown hair and eyes (wife is absolutely smokin' hot Spanish gal with the dark hair and eyes with a killer athletic body to boot).

 

We're both "naturists" in that we like to get naked and have a little fun. We've tried out a few nudist resorts but are overall disappointed in that the clientele at such places were about 98% very old and/or very large unappealing people (great personalities, mind you, but definitely NOT something you want to see naked). Our "wild" side dictates we would like to go to a place where there is more of an erotic atmosphere without seeing our naked overweight grandparents ruining the moment.

 

I guess you could call us "soft swingers" in that we love to watch and be with others in intimate moments, but we would never go so far as actually do the "swapping" part. We have yet to be able to do any of this, but we're looking forward to the opportunity someday - if it ever presents itself!

 

We actually went to a swingers club once after reviewing all the "rules" and were made to understand that "no meant no", but apparently some guy there didn't get the memo and was groping my wife's leg after about 5 minutes after talking to him and his wife (even after we told him were weren't there to "swing"), so that experience unfortunately went bust. I should say we have nothing against swingers or swinging - it actually seems they are more within our age group and most aren't 300 pound escapees from the local assisted living centers like you seem to see at every nudist resort.

 

We've been considering a "lifestyle" cruise, but again, since we aren't actual swingers, would we be out of place in such an atmosphere? We love to get naked with everyone and play around - but with each other. Anyone have any experiences on such a cruise? Is there a place for us "soft-swingers"?

 

I know this is long-winded and for that I apologize (and if you're still reading, thank you!). I guess my ultimate question is... is there a place out there for people like us? I know we can't be the only oddballs out there like us... but I'm beginning to think we are!

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

...without seeing our naked overweight grandparents ruining the moment... ... aren't 300 pound escapees from the local assisted living centers like you seem to see at every nudist resort.

 

Well, here's to hoping you're never a 300 lb. escapee from an ALC. May you always be of perfect body, sound mind, flawless health, and full head of hair.

 

 

To clarify; you're attracted to what you're attracted to. No problem with that, but please don't insult what you don't like. There's plenty of people in all age groups here, and some of the posters here are exactly the people you describe. I don't think you'd like me to use disparaging terms to describe exactly the type you and your wife happen to be.

 

I know this is long-winded and for that I apologize (and if you're still reading, thank you!). I guess my ultimate question is... is there a place out there for people like us? I know we can't be the only oddballs out there like us... but I'm beginning to think we are!

 

Still reading

 

Swinging is a spectrum. There's plenty of people across all types and desires here. "Tame" swinging (having sex in front of others, watching others doing the same) as you describe yourselves, is common and you're not going to be out of place because you don't want to have sex with other people.

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

Nope, I don't think anyplace that you describe actually exists, probably because everyone else in the entire world isn't perfect like you.

[T-Rex 148]

One of the things I've truly enjoyed about the lifestyle is the variety of people that you meet. We are attracted to first to people who have interesting personalities.

 

We were on the fringes of swinging a long time, such as going to swinger clubs but playing only with each other. We were approached a number of times by what I thought were very attractive couples that Mrs. Rex had no interest in. Unless and until Mrs. Rex got comfortable, that was as much as we would do.

 

Our first time, we went from no swap to full swap on a cruise when we hit is off with a couple that was a lot older than us. The guy was okay looking, absolutely not slick, but he took things very slowly and made Mrs. Rex feel like she was having the best time of her life. It was a great experience for all of us.

 

The last time we had sex with another couple was last Saturday night. I think they were about 20 years younger than us. We all had a fabulous time. When we were saying our goodbyes they thanked us for choosing them! I about fell off the bed! I would have said it was mutual or that they "chose" us!

 

I guess my point is that if you are open minded and not too hung up on stereotypes there are lots of people to meet and lots of fun to be had. The variety of swingers is more than most of us will ever be able to handle (somebody is going to disagree!), and that keeps things interesting. If you have to have a particular age and a particular look you may succeed, but you also may miss meeting a lot of great people.

[sweet_tna 680]

I believe it was Groucho Marx that said he wouldn't want to be in a club that would have him as a member. There are people of all ages and sizes in the lifestyle. Some are older than you prefer. Fine, but there there's no need to be insulting. Many of us weigh more than we should, myself and Mr. Sweet included. We don't wish to be put down, either.

 

We all have our preferences, and that's fine, so long as we're respectful to one another.

 

Is there a place like what you describe? Maybe, but I wouldn't know about it, since I wouldn't be allowed in.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

I think perhaps the best place to look might be BeautifulPeople. Though, I have no idea if they are swinger friendly or not.

[JM153 346]

I do not think you will find what you are looking for and I do not think you will be comfortable in the lifestyle. One of the earmarks of the lifestyle is an open minded non judgmental approach to life. Just because you are at a party that has people who are skinny, fat, bald, long hair, short hair, blue eyes, brown eyes, wrinkles, great skin, tall, short, big tits, small tits -- you get the drift, doesn't mean you have to have sex with all of them, but it does mean you have to accept them for who they are. And oh by the way by judging the book by it's cover you will miss out on some fantastic loving. Personal experience has taught me that pushing the boundaries of what physical type I have been attracted to in the past has given me some great nights of sex. I am a bit older than you are and admit I have become more open with age. So stick around and see what you can learn from this group. You may or may not change your mind.

[truckerbuddy 127]

All I will say is I like my girls like I like my stakes, with a little fat around the edge... MMMMMM MMMMMMM GOODER

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

I would not recommend a lifestyle cruise as a place to start, unless you are people who simply like cruise ships and visiting exotic ports of call. Do not expect instant success in finding compatible people at a swingers' club. And if a person does not seem to have received the memo on "no means no", a little comment whispered in the ear like "get lost, creep" will help and if an egregious offense do not hesitate to point it out to the club host or hostess. I feel confident in telling people that swingers' clubs are good places to start.

[Palatex 52]

Nope, I don't think anyplace that you describe actually exists, probably because everyone else in the entire world isn't perfect like you.

 

Oh for the love of god, RELAX.

 

I didn't mean to be disparaging to anyone, it's just that after years of cussing and discussing, my wife and I finally agreed to get into this style of living and was just getting to be a bit discouraged as to what was out there for us, or what our options were (if any). I guess we were expecting more than what actually happened and I suppose I might have let my frustration get the better of me in my original post, guess that's my "bad".

 

I'm still not sure, guess we've got a lot more soul-searching to do, and we'd certainly be happy to have the help of you fine people to guide us along - even yours, JandT_Elkhart...

 

And, for the record, if anyone at any age with any kind of body build wishes to get naked at their local resort, by all means more power to them. I'm pushing 240 myself and I'm sure I'll probably be one of those folks I was referring to here in about 10-15 years at the rate I'm going.

[shrevecouple 252]

I just happened by this post and noticed we are in the same zip code! LOL I am far from perfect myself and because of such it keeps me from being comfortable adding women for fear of being "outshined" i guess you could say. But thankfully my husband is more than willing to take things at whatever pace I am comfortable with.

 

I have decided that going to house parties and maybe some local clubs is best for me because of the no pressure atmosphere. Granted we have only been to one so far. Not sure which one you went to although I am curious to find out. But I wouldn't let one person dissuade you from something you may be interested in. I am sure there is always going to be the possibility of running into those kind of aggressive people.

 

I have decided to put no pressure on myself no matter where we go. And that has helped a lot. I look at it just like any other club or hot spot. I am going to have fun and there may be things going on around me but I don't have to do any of it. LOL

[Palatex 52]

Hey Shrevecouple, what are the odds? lol Good to see someone else from our neck of the woods.

 

The "club" we went to was one in Dallas and it was several months ago - we haven't necessarily sworn off ever doing something like that again, but it wasn't a good first impression, especially after understanding that "no" was supposed to mean no - but stuff happens, whaddya gonna do. Haven't been to the Chateau here in town - been talking about it, but just haven't taken that plunge yet.

 

Actually you and my wife sound like you have a lot in common, it'd be cool to meet someone here who's actually local. Hope to see you around again soon.

[GPHTallCouple 69]

I do think some people are being to harsh on the looks preferences. You got to have that attraction or it ruins the moment. Personally, I think swingers are a better looking bunch over all because we continue to care about how we look. Sure some of us are big, but we know how to work it.

 

That's a shame the club you went to had a problem person. The club we go to often has new couples that watch a few times before joining in. As far as I can tell there aren't any problems. The just watching couples usually stay until late and leave looking pretty happy and ready to get it on.

[shrevecouple 252]

We haven't been to the Chateau. The $$$ issue is what keeps us away plus I think they are a little more "open" there than what we may be ready for. Almost treated like a nudist colony by a lot I hear. LOL...We went to the Barn. Yes we were approached but they were all respectful and polite and we just hung out and had fun. I think right now I am just enjoying the atmosphere.

 

And yes looks do have their importance. It's the first thing that peaks interest in my mind.

[JM153 346]

We have been to the Chateau a few times when we were in the area. We have always enjoyed it. There was a wide range of age and body types. There are a lot of regulars who know each other and play with each other. Not really any different than any other group. As for the nudity, as the night goes on there are less clothes in the dance area, but again not so much as to make one who is dressed uncomfortable. In the play areas they have several semi private areas as well as very open areas. All in all we would recommend it. I am confident that if someone did not understand no you could speak to any of the club personnel and the problem would not repeat itself. Management does take seriously "no means no."

[Palatex 52]

And yes looks do have their importance. It's the first thing that peaks interest in my mind.

 

Thanks, nice to know we aren't the only "shallow" ones out there

 

J/K... by the way, what is this "barn"? I've heard others make mention of it also... is it something here in town?

 

JM153, we do plan on visiting the Chateau probably sometime next year since the weather is getting colder, heard they have some interesting activities every so often. Hoping to meet some "regulars" before we go, maybe to give us some pointers and be our "wing people"

[hughb 45]

I don't see a thing wrong with having standards and sticking to them. This is all about you and your wife. There is no need to "settle." No need to be rude, be polite and respectful but do not proceed unless there is four way agreement.

 

Still there will be people who, while you may not wish to get involved with (or even see naked!) will be good humans who are fun to interact and visit with. We had great trips to Desire Cabo and Cancun, with a good mix of hot and not so hot people. Still all were fun, upscale and respectful and a blast to party with. Cabo has since gone non-lifestyle.

 

Nothing wrong with having standards and you can have a blast in this lifestyle. Imagine a beautiful compatible couple and go find them. They're out there!

[shrevecouple 252]

J/K... by the way, what is this "barn"? I've heard others make mention of it also... is it something here in town?

 

 

The Barn is at a private residence in Grand Cane. Smaller more quaint atmosphere I would say. Not the most beautiful people but fun people.

[virgin swinger 45]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be with another couple that you both find attractive. I myself am of Spanish decent and like to keep myself looking good for me as well as my husband. Granted we do have three small children and I've a little tune up since then wink wink. I have not been with another couple yet but my husband has and I hope to join him soon! He travels a LOT and we both would like to go to a club he has been to before when he was out of town. I have no idea what to expect but it seems to me that you might find what you are looking for if you found a club that would meet your expectations rather than spend a lot of money on a cruise where you may or may not find what your both looking for. One night at a club being disappointed is better than being stuck on a boat for days being disappointed right?

[SAVANDWIN 266]

The Lifestyle offers something for everyone, all shapes, all sizes and all ages. I'd suggest before judging others you take a long hard look in the mirror...does everyone want to see YOU naked? Are you perfect? Got all your teeth and a full head of hair; no slight beer belly but 6 pack abs? For that matter you might think your wife is incredibly hot but I'm betting at in least half of any group She isn't their type either... that's the reality, EVERYONE has a preference. So many times I see perfectly ORDINARY people looking for these perfect beautiful people to fulfill their fantasies and then complaining they can't meet anyone. Unless you're one of those PERFECT couples chances are you wouldn't be their first choice either. My theory is if that little hottie would not have given you a glance in your youth and prime why would she want you now? Be realistic in your expectations.

 

You say you're soft swingers and have no desire to swap, the lifestyle has a wide range of people just like you so I do not see that as a problem but clearly you will need to adjust your expectations when going to a party because the majority of the people that attend are normal people just like you. It is no different than REAL LIFE...look around you ; everyone is different and there is something for everyone.

If you really only want to see beautiful people naked so you can watch them have sex...I'd suggest sticking to Porn.

 

Mrs Sav

[Palatex 52]

Well Mrs Sav, I thought most people understood my first post after I explained it in subsequent posts, but it apparently eluded you for some reason, so... let's try this again.

 

Am I perfect? No. Does everyone want to see me nekkid? Don't know and honestly don't care. I don't go to "parties" thinking that everyone there will be supermodels and Playboy bunnies.

 

So... Got that? Still with me? OK, let's move on.

 

When my wife and I started to go to various nudist resorts, the one thing we were hoping to find was perhaps some people of our age range that we could meet and have some common ground with. Most people we saw there were elderly rotund folks (sorry, but that's just a fact) that while I'm sure were very nice people, just weren't people that we could "associate" with for various reasons, mainly because we just didn't have anything in common other than a desire to be naturists (hell, they probably wouldn't want to associate with us either). Again, whether or not they were nice average people is beside the point. I'm sure Mother Theresa or Andy Griffith are very nice people, but be honest - if you had a choice, are they people you really desire to see strutting around naked? (answer: NO, you do not).

 

Bottom line, WE KNOW that "real life" people are very often the most beautiful people where it matters most. Physical attraction isn't always everything. But let's say you're a big rock music fan and you decide to go to a really big musical jamboree festival where all they're playing is, I dunno... GOSPEL. You may have an OK time there but you're really not going to enjoy yourself because ultimately it's not what you were expecting.

 

Now, is there anything wrong with gospel music? No. Is there anything wrong with the people who like gospel music? No. But, is it really what you were expecting? Again... no. So, what do you do? You go try to find a really big musical jamboree festival where you might have a better time that plays the kind of music you can relate to, and people that you have something in common with. That is what we're trying to do.

 

Are you starting to feel me now? If not, well I gave it a shot. Here endeth the lesson.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

Please, could we all stop for just a moment and think about what's best here.

 

This discussion has taken a turn for the worst. I have been listening as moderator and truly been trying to figure what to say, or even do, for the benefit of all involved. The truth is I can't do anything now, but ask everyone to think of something good in this, for a better outcome. I believe in that, even in the worst of situations If just one person cares enough, something good can still happen. I mean really, this IS the place to communicate with our best intentions. Not only as swingers but as good people too. I see this so much out there in the real swinging world, and it is amazing what just a few words can do. Something said, with misunderstanding to the whole context of the situation. Many things have been said now that I hope I can change some opinions. From those that have felt offended, to those that perhaps are really, just misunderstood.

 

Mr Palatex, First I would like to welcome you to the swingers board with the appreciation of your situation. I am the one that changed your thread title with the addition of "as soft swingers" In hopes the responders would step back an realize most of our understandings, will most likely differ. Do I think less of you for "soft swapping" or your choices . No, I don't. I changed your thread title in hopes that others would see the difference, with a true understanding of what that means. Most you have heard from are in fact not soft swingers so far, and I appreciated the few posters that made an understandable swinging environment, connection with you.

 

The thing is, my personal feelings are no different toward you, than I would feel to those in a poly relationship. Could I offer good advice to people in a poly relationship ? No, not really. Would I think they thought they were better than me because they only play within their poly group. No, not any more than I could to soft swap swingers, such as yourself for only wanting to play with your own wife. But to each, I would hope to be respectful, listen to them just as I am you, with the hopes of learning something from either. I'm not labeling you or your chosen swinging lifestyle. You explained that to me in your original post. For one, I don't believe you are curious about swinging. From the good intellectual posts you've made, I believe you have done your homework about the "Lifestyle" knowing that encompasses many forms of swinging. Hopefully, I can persuade you to stick around as an intelligent poster, that might be able to represent the true side of Soft Swinging.

 

I believe at the club or parties you have attended, you did just like most of us do. You investigated, you planned, you drove there, nervous, not knowing what was just beyond that door. You paid, and after entering, one dude just had to step over your boundaries (that guy is at our club too, he seems to get around, The fucktard!) But then, being new to the scene, you were very respectful to all, before leaving. We've done that at least a dozen times, wondering are we ever going to find our kind of swingers. They probably looked at us (because my wife is attractive and had offers) like... "yea, a couple more "showoffs"", and in return we were talking about them on the way home. "Yea honey, I did try to dance with that one woman, but her breath, OMG !" Those were private conversations between all that were nothing more than our honest opinions. We've all been there.

 

But let me try to get back on the real topic now. No apologies, no one sorry, but just the "topic" at hand. If there are apologies felt, then do the right thing, send a pm or a good rep for standing ground, anonymously. That's what PM's are here for, sometimes people need to hash the serious differences out in private rather than make a mockery of the Swingers Boards integrity. That being said...

 

Is there a place out there for people like us, as soft swingers?

 

The true answer is, Yes there is. Bit like many clubs as others mention, that can vary from location to location. From night to night, and from what I've seen, from hour by hour.

 

Lets cut the chase in a new observation I made with a club owner one time, talking about Soft Swingers. Call me stupid, but I don't "get it" in fact we asked ourselves once, "should we step back and try it " just so we would understand more. My friend, the club owner said, "you wanna know something ? The less you play, the more you'll pay" He followed to tell me most soft swap swingers take vacations to hedo and places like that. They want the girls gone wild parties and I can't offer that all the time. Most take vacation cruses but they still have to put up with straight people too. He said that they can't get 3000 swingers to fill one boat. Swinger cruses are a myth and they say the same thing to church groups offering the same discount. It is a sales pitch mostly.

 

The guys pretty smart and all, but I don't know. I can't tell you that's true.

 

What I'm asking, is are you that guy?

 

Would you be willing to come here, to this thread from time to time and tell us, honestly what it is like to swing, your way. What you face, where you go. What you enjoy most and how each of you feel. Just like what you have faced this far but hopefully I'll do my best as moderator to keep things in a more mellow tone, than what I've obviously done so far. I can't apologize to you. I have tried to do everything in my power this far. I'm not sorry for that. But I ask you in return to be thick skinned in the bull pit of full swing people. The same ones your going to face at swingers clubs.

 

We already have one thing in common you know. In the end, it is just me and my wife. That's all that matters...

 

fun4ds (who's sure there are typos, but hope a difference has been made)

[Palatex 52]

fun4Ds, it's all good and thanks for the kind and supporting words. And yes I hope to stick around even though we may not be your typical poster here with the usual circumstances. I've already met some really good people so my brief stay here has already yielded some positive results.

 

I'm beginning to think we should have come here first before we started anything, but what the hell... better late than never, no?

[fun4Ds 1,097]

fun4Ds, it's all good and thanks for the kind and supporting words. And yes I hope to stick around even though we may not be your typical poster here with the usual circumstances. I've already met some really good people so my brief stay here has already yielded some positive results.

 

I'm beginning to think we should have come here first before we started anything, but what the hell... better late than never, no?

 

That's good, I've seen may unusual circumstances over the years. I see we do have another thing in common. I'm curious about Soft Swinging and you are here, in a curious about swinging forum.

 

I nabbed this off the net from your description of yourself in your original post.

 

"The term "naturism" means different things to different people. To some, it suggests a carefully considered way of life; a philosophy, no less. To others, naturism is nothing more complicated than a day at the nude beach."

 

What do you think about this quote? Does naturism encompass other parts of your life as well?

 

Are these the friends or "soft swap" couples you seek?

 

fun4ds

[Palatex 52]

That's good, I've seen may unusual circumstances over the years. I see we do have another thing in common. I'm curious about Soft Swinging and you are here, in a curious about swinging forum.

 

I nabbed this off the net from your description of yourself in your original post.

 

"The term "naturism" means different things to different people. To some, it suggests a carefully considered way of life; a philosophy, no less. To others, naturism is nothing more complicated than a day at the nude beach."

 

What do you think about this quote? Does naturism encompass other parts of your life as well?

 

Are these the friends or "soft swap" couples you seek?

 

fun4ds

 

Oh I dunno, as far as any couples or friends we "seek", I refer to the loose philosophy on pornography, in that I can't describe it... but I know it when I see it.

 

Hell if folks into the hardcore lifestyle (or ANY lifestyle) wish to befriend us, we're very cool with that as long as they understand our boundaries. If they wish to not bother with people like us due to our oddball nature, that's cool too, I know we're not going to appeal to everyone (from what I've seen here, those types of folks will have NO problem finding other people to "play" with).

[interested-05 135]

I understand what you mean and won't go into any judgment on what your desires for in the lifestyle are. It is enough that you two know what you are open to and should stick with that until you are ready for new things.

 

While I know of no clubs which cater to soft swap, we really had our first opportunity to swing because another softswap couple, put together a party by inviting only mild to moderate couples for a meet and greet, from sls.

 

It was clear from the invitation that there would be no sex at the party just a chance to meet others who had the same level of interests without worry about full swap.If you met a couple who were to your liking you exchange numbers or stay in touch by email so you could plan future dates. Best of luck in your adventures

[Gordo 618]

Maybe I'm reading this wrong but one thing that stands out to me is the linking swinging to nudism. Read any nudist site and you'll find that swingers ARE NOT appreciated and people find it quite offensive.

 

One of the major nudist resorts changed their rules to clothed because of the swingers bothering the nudists.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

One of the major nudist resorts changed their rules to clothed because of the swingers bothering the nudists.

 

Which one?

[Gordo 618]

Which one?

 

Honestly can't remember. I was googling nude resorts and ran into a nudist magazine and I think it was an article in there. About a year ago.