3 some with married friend?

[virgin swinger 45]

Hi all! Recently my hubby and I went out with a couple of friends of mine. One of my friends became very tipsy and got very flirty with my hubby. I really didn't mind this at all and told her later. She later admitted to me everything that had been done that night. I already knew as my hubby told me everything. It wasn't much just light touching while dancing (clothes still on) and a kiss when we dropped her off at her car.

 

Here is the problem while we, my husband and I, would love to have a threesome with her she is married and her husband has no knowledge of what she wants to do. Should we go ahead with this threesome if the opportunity presents itself again or tell her no way?

 

She is very unhappy with her sex life with her husband right now and I'm sure she would love if she could get him into it.

 

Do you think we should invite them over or go out with them and see if I can get him to loosen up? See if he would flirt with me then go from there?

 

Thanks for you help!

[VegasLee 1,486]

First off, if she is unhappy with anything in her own relationship she should be working on that rather then thinking about "fixing" it on the outside.

 

Also, unless the other husband is fully aware of the three of you playing it should not be happening. Swinging is not about cheating and unless he is on board it is cheating. Why even consider being part of cheating?

 

Just not something that Swingers should be involved in. Relationships are to important to help add drama to them of any type.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

No. Don't do it.

 

For details on why, read the above post by Lee again.

[virgin swinger 45]

That's what I was thinking too. It's so tempting to do this esp. when we all go out! I've suggested she talk to her hubby about this she laughed and said maybe I should just give him a few drinks to loosen him up. What the heck does that mean?!We are new to this lifestyle , actually we have yet to even find a couple to swap with! I guess I just got excited by the idea.

[virgin swinger 45]

FYI she has already messed around with her BF and her hubby while still married. I think she wants to get into this lifestyle but her hubby is not or she hasn't talked to him about it. Heck she does not even own a dildo for herself!

[SAVANDWIN 266]

Playing with vanilla friends can bring all kinds of drama, works for some but others have horror stories. Beyond that if she is unhappy already this whole thing could blow up in her face or yours. Behind her husbands back is a huge NO NO. Swinging involves honesty between parties . We would never willing/knowing play with or encourage a cheater. You put both yourself and your family at risk if the husband learns of this and goes nutty. Trust me he will be as furious at YOU as he is at her and though he may forgive her he will never forgive YOU.

As for your husband in your place he and I would be having a serious sit down about boundries and respect. What he did was completely unacceptable and even though he "told You all about it" AFTER the FACT it still isn't right. Unless what he did he did with your full knowledge BEFORE hand what he did in my opinion is considered cheating.

 

Jusy my 2 cents but we value our vanilla friends and have no desire to convert them to our way of thinking and risk losing a dear friendship if and when something goes bad.

 

Mrs Sav

[BoxerCouple 15]

Dont do it. Very bad things will happen.

[virgin swinger 45]

ok ok ok lol you all are right! it's a no go :sad:NOW how do I go about telling her? What would you all say?

[BoxerCouple 15]

I would tell her she needs to talk more openly with her husband. Could you imagine if you both hooked up with her and then her husband found out down the road??? One night of pleasure could result in him going off the deep end. Stranger things have happened.

[Alura 2,774]

I think more research is needed. You don't seem absolutely sure of your friend's intentions or how good her communication with her husband is. Hell, she may be "testing the waters" for the two of them.

 

I think the two wives should have lunch together and ask a lot of questions. Then each needs to talk with her husband.

 

Don't cheat. Cheating causes gunfire.

 

We mostly found our playmates among people we met in vanilla life, and never had any problems caused by the friendship.

 

Let us know what you learn.

 

Alura

[truckerbuddy 127]

"testing the waters"?? OR Cheating??.. If you think she may be testing the waters, then come out and ask her straight up ( are you and your husband swingers?? )and go from there..

 

Cheating??,, Put the shoe on your foot. what would your husband say if it was you doing this and you were going behind his back??

[Alura 2,774]

Heck she does not even own a dildo for herself!

 

It's interesting that you know that, Virgin Swinger. Is there a story to tell?

 

Alura

[fun4Ds 1,098]

That's what I was thinking too. It's so tempting to do this esp. when we all go out!

Good friends, make mistakes together. The Greatest and True friends, use wise judgment for the benefit of the friendship. Don't ever forget I said that, my lesson was learned through personal pain. Tell her, what I have told you....

 

I've suggested she talk to her hubby about this she laughed and said maybe I should just give him a few drinks to loosen him up. What the heck does that mean?!

These are usually the words of an enabler. Unfortunately there are two kinds of enablers. The ones who don't know they're doing it, and the ones who intentionally know they're doing it. The former can be helped The later, usually has destruction in their wake, with the addictions of their partners to blame.

 

 

We are new to this lifestyle , actually we have yet to even find a couple to swap with! I guess I just got excited by the idea

Understandable, very understandable

 

 

fun~

[cplnuswing 4,713]

The smartest, safest play is to just avoid the whole issue from here on out. There are plenty of red flags in what has already happened and it could have turned out much worse than it did. But, if you are choose not to go that route or let yourself get drawn into the subject again then I would:

 

If you think she may be testing the waters, then come out and ask her straight up ( are you and your husband swingers?? )and go from there..

 

This would be my first step, and can be done in such a way without outing yourselves by simply asking the question. If the answer is yes, then I would use that to get into a conversation about:

 

if she is unhappy with anything in her own relationship she should be working on that rather then thinking about "fixing" it on the outside.

 

Also, unless the other husband is fully aware of the three of you playing it should not be happening. Swinging is not about cheating and unless he is on board it is cheating. Why even consider being part of cheating?

 

If her answer is an emphatic no, which is my guess, then I would explain that you value your own relationship, your friendship with them, want the best for all involved, and fail to see how being involved in any sort of cheating scenario advances any of that.

[virgin swinger 45]

She already knows we are swingers. I plan on having a talk with her. I have a feeling her husband does not know and will suggest she have talk with him. I do value our friendship esp. as our children play together. We have only been friends for a short time but I do know I would like to stay friends with her. I don't really know her husband that much all I know is that he works a lot and is always working out leaving little time for her needs. Thank you all for your input it has been most helpful

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

all I know is that he works a lot and is always working out leaving little time for her needs.

 

That's depressing.

[ViSexual 1,008]

When you talk to her make sure to tell her that she shouldn't tell her husband that the three of you are already game, if he is! It'll only put him on the defensive.

 

I'd suggest she start off very safe with him and just say that you'd mentioned that you think he's rather hot. Flattery works!

 

And, just watch him flirt with you the next time you're all four out!

 

The three of you are in and it's just a matter of him getting in. But, it needs to seem to be his idea!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

She already knows we are swingers. I plan on having a talk with her. I have a feeling her husband does not know and will suggest she have talk with him.

Two very great steps toward a friendship !

 

I do value our friendship esp. as our children play together. We have only been friends for a short time but I do know I would like to stay friends with her. I don't really know her husband that much all I know is that he works a lot and is always working out leaving little time for her needs. Thank you all for your input it has been most helpful

 

If you truly value your friendship then be supportive of her "Entire" life. That means getting to know the husband as well. Even IF things don't work out in lifestyle fashion. Husbands need their partners friends to be trustworthy. Especially, one that works his ass off not knowing his wifes needs, are not being met. Its not all about Ego or self worth and ignorance to a man trying to establish/keep a carrier. Especially in todays economy. Be sure to show the husband your support for his hard work, without being threatening to his job or relationships to her friends.

 

Mess with his carrier, and you'll mess with your friendship....Swinging is OVER !

 

Friendships, require balance. Just as relationships do between a couple.

 

Good karma,

 

fun~

[virgin swinger 45]

We do have a lot of game nights at our home ( nothing with swinging involved lol) A lot of our friends come over to play games while the kids get to play with their friends. I have invited her to one and plan on keep inviting them that way maybe we will get to know her hubby better. I thought about flirting with him but would NEVER do that in front of our friends during game night. Maybe I can arrange for us to all go out on the town and see what happens from there. Good suggestions on letting him think it's his idea ! I like that one

[Guest rdy46227]

My brain works slow...

 

Ask GF if her husband would accept a 3-way from you two ladies. She could even present it to him as a birthday or Christmas present!

 

Everything's open and above board. As you obviously keep your spouse informed, everyone knows and everyone agrees. You both can sincerely tell her hubby that your spouse knows and approves. You'all might even invite your spouse to the planning session to get a guy's opinion on what's hot.

 

After your GF's husband has a fantastic FMF time, inviting him to a MFMF would be just a natural progression!

 

(And her home life may improve because of the NRE/swing effect on him.)

[virgin swinger 45]

good idea! Right now we are going to let things go. She had her facebook on and he read her personal messages about her having a threesome before:eek: ( not with us!!!) He of course if very upset:angry:! I do know he has no idea about us at least I don't think she said anything. Nothing happened with us thank goodness:). So to all of you that warned me about not doing this you all were right!!! I'm off to the gym and will see her there so lets see what she says happened. I'll keep you all posted if you all want!

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

Sure, we'll be watching... drama is our first name.

[virgin swinger 45]

Sure, we'll be watching... drama is our first name.

 

LOL well it seems all is ok so far with them. He is NOT interested in this lifestyle not even FMF! I thought that was every mans fantasy! Oh well we agree we will leave it alone as we value our friendship too much to act on our desires.

A little off the subject.....Hubby and I are getting a lot of hits on the swingers ad so it looks like we are not too far off from our first experience together! I have to say I am a little nervous. Any tips on when we meet the potential couple?

[MN Tom 251]

As for tips, we would suggest setting up some guidelines in advance, but try very hard to not let it become an evening controlled by 1500000 rules.

 

Some situations and feelings you wont really be able to plan for until they happen, and some things you can hash out pretty well ahead of time.

 

As for the actual potential couple, you wont really know until you meet them and it progresses to the bedroom. You will have an idea of some interest from online profiles and emails, but in person is about the only way you will truly know if it's going to happen.

 

Overall just enjoy the evening. Have fun, be yourselves, and do whatever you are comfortable with doing. If you have done a decent amount of discussion and soul searching, maybe even be a bit daring.

 

One of the best pieces of advice we have gotten was from a couple we met at our first party. They said "think of sex as a recreational activity. Love is what you do with your spouse, sex is just for fun" That disassociation between love and sex has really helped us along, because not only does it allow us to consider having sex with others without messing with our love lives, but it also puts it at a much lower place on the "importance" scale in relation to our lives.

Say we do something sexual one night that we ended up not enjoying or have no desire to do again. With the view of sex being a recreational activity, it's on par with say playing a sporting game with someone. No big deal. Live and learn.

If sex was still tied to some deeper love connection, it would be a much bigger deal, and would invoke way more feelings.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I thought that was every mans fantasy!

No, it is not. I know many men. Some, who have divorced over their wives sexual play with a girlfriend. To them, its still cheating. This is many mens opinion in the vanilla world.

 

I find that rather surprising also, but true. One man, a work associate of mine, while sitting at our table talking about sex. (He Mrsfun and I) He talked about his ex wife of several years ago having an affair. Mrsfun asked if he got invited in (because it was a woman) Mrsfun was just making conversation. When Mrsfun didn't take his complaint seriously. He got up and walked out our door, pissed. He's never been back and our friendship is over. To him, our FMF fun, is disgusting.

 

Some men may fantasize about FFM play in the vanilla world. But will never do it. Not when it comes to their own spouse. I have seen men who sit there while women are teasing in a girls gone wild "soft swap" way, but inside are just masking their real feelings they don't really like it. They have a lowered opinion of the women doing it. Sometimes men have to follow suit in a crowd, who are whooping and saying oh hell ya baby, but that is all it is, a mask over their real feelings. Most men would never admit to it.

 

Tread very lightly, in the vanilla world.....

 

Some men want a lady in public, and a slut in the bedroom. And thats where it STAYS.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Some men want a lady in public, and a slut in the bedroom. And thats where it STAYS.

 

Hmm. Well, the opposite isn't all that appealing