Pregnant, not sure who is the father.

[caseylynn78 0]

My husband and I have an open relationship, so I have a boyfriend on the side. One afternoon I messed around a little with him. He played with himself until he was hard. I don't remember seeing any precum or any fluid at all. He did put his fingers inside of me after playing with himself, but he may have touched clothing and other things before doing so. We did not have sex. He did orgasm sitting next to me, but never touched me again after that and I did not come into contact with any body fluids. I took a fertility test that day and it was negative.

 

Later that night my husband and I had sex and did not use protection and he ejaculated inside of me. I did not realize I was close to ovulating because it was really late in my cycle and my temps have been wacky. I ovulated for sure the day after or two days after the encounter w/ bf and husband.

 

I did end up getting pregnant that week and I'm now 7 weeks along. Everything I have read says that there is no semen in precum unless a recent ejaculation happened, which it did not. My husband is the only person I had actual unprotected sex with and was definitely exposed to semen.

 

I am just looking for some reassurance that it most likely is my husbands baby. I don't want to worry myself sick for the next 8 months! This makes me seriously reconsider this lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think you're safe.

[Guest rdy46227]

caseylynn78 said:

{snip} I took a fertility test that day and it was negative.

{snip} I am just looking for some reassurance that it most likely is my husbands baby. I don't want to worry myself sick for the next 8 months! {snip}

 

1. The odds are extremely in your favor of your husband, may 10,000 to 1?

 

2. What kind of fertility test? You don't mean you took a blood test or urine test, do you?

 

Outside of a blood test that tracks a hormone relating to ovulation, I don't know of anything formal you can do. You can only look at body signs like temperature, cervical mucus, or feeling the egg release to make a good guess.

[caseylynn78 0]

The fertility test I took was exactly that, a pee on the stick fertility test. It gives 2 lines just like a pregnancy test and determines if you are at a fertile time or not. Usually you have to take several time during ovulation to pinpoint exactly when you are ovulating. Mine was negative that day, but I did ovulate the next day or the day after. I also take my basal body temp every morning, according to that I did ovulate. I did end up getting pregnant during that time and have had 2 blood tests and 2 at home tests to confirm that. I ovulated the day after or 2 days after this encounter with this guy.

 

You are right, this probably isn't a lifestyle choice, I've just been messing around. I'm very concerned about whether precum could have gotten me pregnant. From what I have read, the likelihood is pretty much zero. Although I still would like opinions since I'm worrying myself sick.

[Chicup 41]

The likelihood is close to zero but if I were your husband I'd be concerned it wasn't mine for obvious reasons.

[couplers 4,641]

Hi, Petra here. I tried to think about it logically and make a decision tree.

 

First, does it matter? If not, don't worry about it. In the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal and most of the time you can't tell who the father is without a test, so it doesn't matter how the child got into the family.

 

Second if it does matter, then why? For instance if you would abort if it wasn't your husband's, or want to have your bf informed and involved with the pregnancy, then you need to know as soon as possible. In one of those cases it would be best to do an in utero paternity test by sampling amniotic fluid or chorionic villus (placental tissue). On the other hand you could wait until the child is born to do an easier and less expensive test if your goal is to involve the biological father in bringing up the child or if you want to seek child support.

 

Good luck, take care and let us know what you decide to do.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

caseylynn78 said:

Everything I have read says that there is no semen in pre-cum unless a recent ejaculation happened, which it did not. My husband is the only person I had actual unprotected sex with and was definitely exposed to semen. I am just looking for some reassurance that it most likely is my husbands baby.

 

There's no absolute guarantee there is no sperm in pre-cum in any given scenario. That said, the scenario you describe is one in which it is very unlikely that you are pregnant from your boyfriend, and a whole lot more likely you are pregnant by your husband.

 

Here's a tip; if you want to be certain, and are planning on a paternity test after birth, you can possibly save yourself a bunch of money. Find out what your blood type is, that of your husband, and that of your boyfriend. If your boyfriend and husband both have the same blood type and rh factor, you're out of luck for this, but if not; compare your results against a chart like this. Also, Rh factor plays in too. For example, if you and your husband are both Rh negative, and the baby is Rh positive, then your husband is not the father.

 

caseylynn78 said:

I don't want to worry myself sick for the next 8 months! This makes me seriously reconsider this lifestyle.

 

Pregnancy is a very real risk in this lifestyle. It's not one to be taken lightly. For my wife and I, the way we manage this is that we do not rely on any one form of birth control in our encounters. For both of us, two forms of birth control are in place, so that if one fails for some reason there's a backup. This greatly diminishes the chance of pregnancy. That works for us, and it's a risk level we're comfortable with. You have to decide for yourself what is acceptable or not.

[lotsoffun201 175]

If what you said is true (no reason for me not to believe it isn't) you are probably ok and it is your husbands. Regardless, I think you are going to worry about this for some time to come unfortunately

 

I think I have to paraphrase or reiterate what what previously posted. Perhaps in the future you should think about using protection or birth control or reconsider the lifestyle.

 

Best of luck

[highlander 21]

There are paternity tests that can be given during pregnancy. You just don't have to speculate here-you can know. Similarly, you can get the result

and use it to calm things down with your husband.

 

It may be your other partner might be delighted to pay child support and be involved with a kid-and your husband might be fine with not being a cash cow to support another guys kid.

 

Personally, I suggest that any woman who hasn't gotten a tubal ligation, isn't already pregnant and is of the age pregnancy might occur only have sex with men she might be willing to have a kid with--or be willing to consider an abortion under some circumstances. That doesn't necessarily imply strict monogamy. Any form of birth control _can_ fail. Partners might make an agreement that paternity doesn't matter-but who knows what will happen when a baby is on the way.

 

Good luck on making your decisions here-I hope it all works out for you. My sense is that a lot of men are willing to stand up and parent if they just know a kid is theirs-and it takes more than just speculation to provide that knowledge. I personally think paternity testing is a great gift of the modern era.

 

I wouldn't say it is necessarily your lifestyle that needs reconsideration-but your planning and communication approach(which could be an issue in _ANY_ relationship). In fact this particular time is a period when you have _less_ worries about pregnancy than other times!

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

Personally, I suggest that any woman who hasn't gotten a tubal ligation ... Any form of birth control _can_ fail.

 

Tubal ligation can fail too.

[highlander 21]

Tubal ligation can fail too.

Tubal ligation and other forms of permanent birth control aren't 100% foolproof-but they are more reliable in typical use than other forms of birth control. I tend to agree that relying on a couple forms of birth control is a good idea.

 

so we are back to the point:

 

How do you deal with a pregnancy during swinging? That comes down to agreements/communication with a partner. I've heard of couples where the husband basically agrees to support a woman's child regardless of who the father is. The other options I see are:

 

To do paternity testing during pregnancy and selectively abort.

 

To select male partners that accept the risk of pregnancy and would be willing to accept responsibility.

 

For women to go into swinging with the assumption they are on their own if they have any kids.

 

All these options have problems. Does anyone have any others to suggest?

[Alura 2,774]

highlander said:

... to select male partners that accept the risk of pregnancy and would be willing to accept responsibility ...

 

Wow! Now there is a requirement that would send almost all single men packing!

 

On the other hand, Highlander, you may have hit on the way to stop single guys from following a couple around a club ... just whip out your affidavit and say, "Would you mind reading and signing this, please?"

 

"Oh, by the way... may I just swab the inside of your cheek with this q-tip? DNA sample, y'know?"

 

[highlander 21]

It might also be a way to get more single women interested in a swing club

 

Basically a woman could show up to a club, and know that every man there:

 

a) had recent STD tests

b) had submitted to a credit check(to show they actually could provide child support)

c) had paid a membership fee that would allow a woman to get a paternity test if she wanted

d) had signed an agreement to pay child support if a child was biological theirs

e) had submitted a DNA sample, so that the lady with multiple partners could sort out who the daddy was early on.

f) submitted a recent drug test(about 70% of all HIV in heterosexual women involves men whose major risk factor is drug use)

 

If a man doesn't want to be subject to child support, maybe they ought to consider a vasectomy or limiting their encounters to older women. All kids deserve support.

 

I honestly don't think this kind of club would send all single men packing. Men with Vasectomies would be minimally affected. It would sure weed out irresponsible deadbeats. Personally I think it would be a more fun atmosphere-and I'd pay extra for such a club. I'd much rather take a female friend to such a club than one that admits any guy who can pay an entrance fee and not appear too horribly repulsive

 

Weeding out men is a major problem for any swing club that admits single men. The question is just what kind of criteria do you want to use? I personally think safety and responsibility are good criteria.

 

Wow! Now there is a requirement that would send almost all single men packing!

 

On the other hand, Highlander, you may have hit on the way to stop single guys from following a couple around a club ... just whip out your affidavit and say, "Would you mind reading and signing this, please?"

 

"Oh, by the way... may I just swab the inside of your cheek with this q-tip? DNA sample, y'know?"

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We keep talking about single men as if they are the only ones that would fall into that category. Married men certainly would have the same risk, potentially more.

 

And given the situation outlined above wouldn't it be wise to require the same STD testing for women? What about proof of contraception, or inability to have children as a safe guard for the men?

 

Personally, I think finding compatible people in the lifestyle is difficult enough. I think it would end up keep MOST people out of the lifestyle, and not because they were dead beats or STD positive, it just becomes too little reward for the effort.

[highlander 21]

Married men are much more likely to have had the children they want and gotten a vasectomy before they start swinging than single men.

 

I agree that a sensible club might want STD tests for both men and women. The thing about HIV, it is transmitted more easily from men to women than vice versa.

 

As far as requirements:

Single women are the group that is hard to attract to swinging. Anyone that can figure out a formula for attracting single women can get all the men they want-and can demand a lot of those men. Clubs that admit folks just on the basis of ability to pay often offer free admission or greatly reduced admission for single women for that reason. Even with that, basically women are still often in danger of getting overwhelmed and the clubs become largely a looks based competition.

 

I tend to think the key to a successful club is offering women as much as possible-and offering them something they can't currently get easily.

I can imagine a swing club that required all men to have a vasectomy might actually have some popularity for example.

 

The thing is, many younger women might actually want to have children someday, even if they don't at the moment. Offering them a club that will tend to screen for guys that are together and responsible would give them something they just can't get at the local gin mill.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I guess that begs the question, how many women choose NOT to swing because they are afraid of becoming pregnant AND feel that a vasectomy is a requirement for them having sex?

 

And, do the numbers of 1:20 to 1:6 (depending on age group) of married men having had the procedure make those women any more likely to join the LS? That is not a huge improvement over single men.

 

If it did bring in more single women, what would they be looking for? Couples or single males? Since, as you say, many more married men have had a vasectomy than singles, would it not make sense that women looking at that criteria would already be coming to the LS in greater numbers? That is unless they were only interested in single males.

 

I think there are so few SF in the LS because they are not interested in swinging.

 

I think a club would fail miserably if they tried that. For one, I don't think vasectomy status is a major, or even minor, factor keeping single women from the LS. For another, if more single woman came into the LS, because it was a way to find safer single men, then it would mean more single men joining the LS too. In the end the social club becomes only marginally different from a vanilla singles bar. That would drive swinging couples to look elsewhere for their fun. And if you restricted the number of single males, the SF would go elsewhere as well, leaving you with a room of SM with vasectomies.

 

I think too many club rules, like too many individual rules, in the end start getting in the way of having a good time. If a club starts putting too many rules (read barriers) in place then they risk driving people away. I think it is best to leave who has sex with whom to the individual and their best judgment, due diligence and common sense. In the end we will follow our own process anyway, regardless of what the club has done to screen people out.

 

-------EDIT--------

I realized, after I wrote and submitted this, that we are high jacking a post on a totally different topic. I you feel the need to continue this portion of the thread, I suggest we take it to another thread. I apologize for participating the in the high jacking. Now back to your regularly scheduled post.

-------END EDIT--------

[Chicup 41]

If we had to have a full work up with medical certificates for sperm count etc, I think I'd put swinging as a pastime that is passed its prime for us.

 

Single females are not into swinging the same way they are not into playing World of Warcraft. Sure there are some who do it, and some who's boyfriends want them to try it, but for every one really interested there are 100 sweaty males, kinda like how it is in swinging.

 

I think their issue is 'why bother' when they can have all the freaky sexy they want by not wearing panties to the vanilla bar down the street.

[highlander 21]

Swinging works to the extent it offers women something they can't get at a bar down the street. I've known single women that swung because they felt it was physically safer to play at a club with security than to go home with a guy they met at a bar(or bring him home). For married women, couples swinging offers them a chance to weight their encounters and those of their spouse with folks less likely to disrupt their relationship. Men are already jumping through hoops in an attempt to get into swinging. I would suggest that improving safety and containing risk for women is one of the best ways to get more women into swinging. Swinging can and should be the really safe non-monogamous sex option. Yes, there are people that like it just the way it is-and the are already there. I think that if there were a wider variety of safer options, we'd see people swinging who aren't now.