The 10-minute rule...

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

We all have spent "too much" time with a couple we weren't interested in, and once you've determined that you aren't interested, it's pretty difficult to "switch gears" and remove yourself from the situation. Heck, one night we planned ahead to meet a couple at our "regular" club - we sat and talked for over an hour before it was just uncomfortable enough for someone to blurt out, "well, this isn't working, is it?".

 

So we instituted a "10 minute rule". We explain this to a couple before we meet.. we say something like, "Ok, we all know that sometimes there isn't a 'click' between 4 people - and we all know how hard it is to bring up the subject that we just aren't 'clicking'. So, we have a 10-minute rule. When you meet someone, you know within 10 minutes whether you 'like' them, right? So, basically, after 10 minutes, we'll say 'OK it's been 10 minutes, should we continue this conversation?'. And, if we decide to continue, that's still not a promise to play, it's just that, at that time, we're all comfortable enough to move forward. It's a great way to set it up ahead of time for a planned conversation."

 

Most couples laugh and say, "wow, that's a great idea". We've offended 1 couple (out of dozens). But overall, it's a fun, and light way to be up-front. I mean, seriously, how often have you not really 'liked' a couple in the first 10 minutes, but then somehow they 'grew on you'? Hasn't happened to us...

 

And, we also find that by the time that 10 minutes comes up, I say, "ok, 10 minutes, shall we continue?"... it brings a laugh and either a sigh of relief ("phew, thanks, we aren't getting along") or a laugh ("yeah of course, matter of fact let's find a room" is a fairly common response we get!).

[lustylearning 705]

Clever, simple, effective. Love it.

[slevin 1,374]

I think this might be a good idea for us to consider between my wife and I, but not necessarily something we'd announce to the other couple. I'd have to see how it went if someone brought that up with us upon meeting. I thnk there is a good chance we'd make up our mind right there that we weren't interested

 

Definitely something we should probably do rather than letting things go on longer than they need to.

[exploringRM 305]

While we don't have the 10 minute limit, we have been in situations where after 10 minute we knew we wanted to play. As well as after 30 seconds we were saying in our heads..no freaking way!

 

I don't know if it's luck or what but it's been a rare occasion where we decided not to play with a couple. Granted we don't do many "cold" meets with people but more meet people through friends or at parties.

[The Fuse 1,012]

There have been at least a few times the guy half of another couple has grown on me after spending a little more time. Once that I can think of off the top of my head, I thought the guy was a bit of an ass for at least forty-five minutes. Turned out be was just nervous. Another time, I wasn't physically attracted until we'd had a friendly dinner together.

 

Ten minutes is enough at a party, but not on a date when we feel we have a decent chance of a match before meeting someone.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Not sure it would work with us. My wife places far too much value on the cerebral end of the discussion to know for sure in 10 minutes. She has certainly rules people out in 10 minutes, but rarely rules them in.

 

I like the idea though.

[Learning 160]

It's great in theory but we would be an out after 10 minutes. DH is really slow to engage at times. He is a gentleman, converse in a great chat, but the sparks usually don't fly right away. If I had a dollar how much I heard " man, I thought [dh] was not into us". He is but he's reserved. So hopefully you can spot us shy ones.

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

Not sure it would work with us. My wife places far too much value on the cerebral end of the discussion to know for sure in 10 minutes. She has certainly rules people out in 10 minutes, but rarely rules them in.

 

I like the idea though.

 

Ahh, see, then it's perfect for you. Moving on after 10 minutes just means that you want to continue, it may still be a 'no' later on...

[MN Tom 251]

Interesting idea.

 

We are pretty similar to what another poster said, typically we can rule someone out in 10 minutes, but not always rule them in.

 

Heck sometimes you can rule someone out in 10 seconds, although thankfully that is more of a rarity than the norm.

 

This varies between us too, and of course depends quite a bit on the attraction level. There are some people that have this ability to interest one of us very quickly.

[LFM2 1,482]

I like the theory behind it. It's would work about 50% of the time with us.

 

However, it wouldn't work the few times I've really given the couple a longer "get to know you" time because the males were very shy. Seems they're not really shy, but it took them longer than 10 minutes to crawl out of their shell.

 

We love the time it takes to get to know each other. We don't meet and expect to play, though. We have no expectations when we meet a new couple and if it takes more than one meeting, we don't mind. We like spending time with people. There is a swinger couple that we seen again this weekend. We'll never end up playing with each other, but we LOVE to spend time with them. Had we given them only 10 minutes to state their case, we would have missed out on so much.

[Alura 2,774]

Since all four people can't (or shouldn't) talk at once, it seems to me that ten minutes spent in getting to know a couple works out to about 2.5 minutes per person. I'd have been somewhat insulted if a couple had thought they could have assessed our "worthiness" in such a short time.

 

We probably would have been glad to see them move on, however. It's likely we would have wished they'd have given us only five minutes.

 

Alura

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

To be told we have 10 minutes to impress each other or we'd get/give the heave-ho wouldn't be necessary for us, and it might even be seen as a negative statement, depending on our impression up to that point. I suppose it may seem to some people as another way of saying "if we don't click we can walk away...no feelings hurt" but I would feel put under pressure if a prospective couple brought up their 10-minute rule.

 

As Alura calculated, that is very little time, and others have also said, some people take more time to bloom in a conversation. I don't mind giving people more of my time when we've made arrangements to meet privately, just the four of us. We enjoy those meetings most and even when we've decided not to pursue play the hour we spent getting to know more about a couple was time well spent.

 

LM

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Ahh, see, then it's perfect for you. Moving on after 10 minutes just means that you want to continue, it may still be a 'no' later on...

 

I can see your point, but, when I say she (and I for that matter) can rule people out, it is usually due to them being rude, arrogant, or just not our type. We don't need a ten minute rule for that. We just move on.

 

Plus, we make friends in the LS beyond those we want to play with. Ten minutes would have precluded some good friends, that have introduced us to couples that we do want to play with, invited us to parties etc.

 

Ten minutes is just too little time to know much beyond how they look and can they speak.

 

I think having a stated "format" of ten minutes would rule out a lot of people that want to get to know you better first. I have to admit, I have been frustrated lately by the amount of "getting to know" us has taken with a few potential playmates, I mean, it does it really take 3-5 "dates before you know if we are compatible? I think we are comfortable somewhere between 10 minutes and 5 dates

[Let's Play 15]

I like this idea. I'll be sure to mention it.

[MrsPandMe 150]

I think for some couples this approach would work, but everyone would have to be pretty outgoing. I would be fine with this if someone came up and proposed this, but we'd never get any action at all because my wife would fold up like an origami pet under the pressure, and to the perspective couple we all know what THIS looks like on the surface, right? Gross disinterest.

 

I do agree with the idea though that it shouldn't take several "dates" to figure out if you're gonna sack someone. It's swinging, not marriage.

 

Mr. P

[Big Rock 173]

I agree with the "concept", of a mutual time frame, but think 10 minutes is far too short of a limit. I mean it takes you 5 minutes to arrange seating, make introductions and get drinks. I think that 20-30 minutes would be better.

[DigginIt 1,132]

I do agree with the idea though that it shouldn't take several "dates" to figure out if you're gonna sack someone. It's swinging, not marriage.

 

Mr. P

 

Couldn't have said that any better. Most people have such busy lives that it's very hard to get these nights out. You want to make the most of them.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

I agree with the "concept", of a mutual time frame, but think 10 minutes is far too short of a limit. I mean it takes you 5 minutes to arrange seating, make introductions and get drinks. I think that 20-30 minutes would be better.

 

This sounds about right. Mrs. S knows almost instantly where the couple falls - 1. NO, 2. Probably No, 3. Maybe, 4. Yes. This is long enough for a "probably no" to get us interested or turn a "maybe" into a "yes." For a yes, we're ready to get naked.

 

We got burned by time management at our last party. This probably would have helped.

[km34 672]

I'd be pretty turned off if a couple brought this up to us. Having a system between your partner and you, sure. Telling people you're going to be judging them after 10 minutes? No, thanks. Even if it is just a preliminary feeling about whether to continue in the conversation. Anyone should be welcome to leave any conversation at any point, I don't see the need for a rule about it. I could just see it increasing people's nerves because they feel like you're judging them so quickly.

 

I have also been in situations where I would have ruled someone out after 10 minutes if forced to state an opinion and would have missed out on something fantastic. I'll pass on the 10 minute rule.

[weloveeachother 29]

I'm a little on the fence on this one. On one hand, it would make moving on easier simply by eliminating the self imposed responsibility to small talk just to not seem rude. I'm a nice guy, I can't help it. That's just how I am wired I guess.

 

On the other hand, I'm not so sure 10 minutes is enough time. In a loud, busy club it can take a bit just to get settled down enough to start the conversation. If drinks are offered, one may have to stand in line for a bit to get those covered, etc...

 

My wife and I spent way too much time talking to a couple one night just so we wouldn't come off as rude or whatever. My wife liked them but the other wife just rubbed me the wrong way (if it's possible to be rubbed the wrong way). The 10 minute rule would have come in very handy that night.

[Alura 2,774]

I can see the ten minute rule working well at a swing club where time is limited and couples plentiful.

 

Our usual was to meet the couple for coffee at a bookstore or dinner at a restaurant if we thought they had possibilities. Sometimes we'd say goodbye and never see them again. Sometimes we'd go somewhere to play.

 

Alura