Brand new couple looking for advice

[scvette01 15]

I need serious advise on trying something new.

 

Quick rundown, I'm 34, average. Wife is 37 average. Sex life is good, but past year or so as been INCREDIBLE. She has started to get into masturbation, toys and porn and really become open minded.

 

Well, we have been talking about different fantasies and things. And one of hers is having people watch us go at it and mine is having same room sex with another couple.

 

So I've been looking around on things of that nature and really don't know where to start or how to approach it. We DO NOT want sharing or swapping, just a highly charged sexual environment. Either at a club or house, prefer house BTW

 

Anyhow, We are in St. Louis and I've looked at a couple of swinger sites and checked into the Colony Theater (some adult/couple only lounge), but like I said, don't know how to approach it. Same with the wife... do I just take her after we go out to dinner and the Hustler Store? If she is in the right mood she would be down. She mentioned strip clubs in the past, and we went, but they aren't couple friendly.

 

So should I pursue this or just drop it? I leave for basic training in Jan and would like for us to experience this before I leave.

 

Thanks.

[Mark211 16]

I need serious advise on trying something new.

 

Quick rundown, Im 34, average. Wife is 37 average. Sex life is good, but past year or so as been INCREDIBLE. She has started to get into masturbation, toys and porn and really become open minded.

 

Well, we have been talking about different fantasies and things. And one of hers is having people watch us go at it and mine is having same room sex with another couple.

 

So I've been looking around on things of that nature and really don't know where to start or how to approach it. We DO NOT want sharing or swapping, just a highly charged sexual environment. Either at a club or house, prefer house BTW

 

Anyhow, We are in St. Louis and I've looked at a couple of swinger sites and checked into the Colony Theater(some adult/couple only lounge), but like I said, don't know how to approach it. Same with the wife… do I just take her after we go out to dinner and the Hustler Store? If she is in the right mood she would be down. she mentioned strip clubs in the past, and we went, but they aren't couple friendly.

 

So should I pursue this or just drop it? I leave for basic training in Jan and would like for us to experience this before I leave

 

Thanks guys and gals

 

You can both visit one of those clubs you found. See if you both feel comfortable. If not, you can both leave ... simple

But if you do, then I'm sure you're both in for a fun night

[MN Tom 251]

Personally I would suggest going to an onsite club if you have one nearby. That way you can easily just go to a room and have sex and others will be watching/nearby.

 

A house is doable, although it will take some setting up and could take a while for you to find the right mix of others to participate.

[LagniappeDC 313]

We started off very much like the two of you. Some of our best experiences were at "on-premise" clubs (meaning they allow sex there), where we could watch and be watched. Some also have "group" rooms which were fun to have sex right near others but not swap. The key is to just talk it through, make a date, and go. Don't worry, if you are anything like us, you'll be extremely nervous. It's natural. You'll find, though, that after about :30 minutes that the nervousness will just melt away.

 

Go early so you can meet the hosts and perhaps meet a few people. You'll quickly find that 99% of all couples in the lifestyle are extremely respectful. No means no. You may experience some light touching (ie, back rubbing) in really close situations, bu if that makes you uncomfortable, just move over or say that you aren't ready for that.

 

We moved on to having couples to our house for same room sex and that was fun also. Key is to be clear between each other what your rules are and make sure you voice those rules to others.

 

At some point you may want to explore more, and this is a great place to get opinions. If not, that's perfectly fine too. The lifestyle is full of a wide range of people and experiences!

 

Enjoy it (and enjoy each other, because that's the whole point!)

[JM153 346]

From your description and given the time frame I too recommend visiting an on premises club. Don't, however, do what you suggest and just spring it on your wife after dinner and the toy shop. You two need to talk about it and decide what both of you are comfortable with, in other words, what we call rules or boundaries. For success, these must be mutual and the most restrictive and slowest must prevail. Then after deciding you will visit a club and what you will and will not do then make a date and go have fun.

 

I would also suggest reading on this board as much as you can and inviting your wife here as well. Both of you reading here will raise a lot of topics to talk about and will make your first experiences better. And don't hesitate to post questions as you are discussing things. This is a wonderful group of caring people who are more than happy to share their experiences.

[scvette01 15]

From your description and given the time frame I too recommend visiting an on premises club. Don't, however, do what you suggest and just spring it on your wife after dinner and the toy shop. You two need to talk about it and decide what both of you are comfortable with, in other words, what we call rules or boundaries. For success, these must be mutual and the most restrictive and slowest must prevail. Then after deciding you will visit a club and what you will and will not do then make a date and go have fun.

 

I would also suggest reading on this board as much as you can and inviting your wife here as well. Both of you reading here will raise a lot of topics to talk about and will make your first experiences better. And don't hesitate to post questions as you are discussing things. This is a wonderful group of caring people who are more than happy to share their experiences.

 

 

I've talked to her about it, a couple of times since I posted on here. She seems fine with it. Told her its a ADULT club, not strip club, BUT there will be other things going on. I said we can hang out and not participate in whats going on. If we don't like it we can leave.

 

She said thats fine. Knowing her, once the nervousness wears off and she relaxes, we'll both have fun.

 

My plan is to go for the highly sex charged environment that we'll be in. Who knows we may have sex there, or in the car out in the parking lot, or just wait till we get home and go at it.

 

Kinda scary going into this, but exciting at the same time. Makes it easier knowing people will respect you when rules are laid down

 

Thanks Everyone:)

[DigginIt 1,132]

Just a word of advice, most on premise clubs will have one night a week (usually on Saturday) where no single men are allowed. This usually is the busiest night of the week so the club should be hopping! It's also our favorite night to attend. If you go on a Thursday there can be 15 guys and 3 couples (been there, won't go back) and it feels like sharks circling the bait.

 

Clubs have different rules but you can have sex almost anywhere and everywhere and you will see sex going on everywhere in almost every combination imaginable.

 

If you want super sexually charged then it's the place to go and then you can go to your own private room, semi-private room or just get into right there on a couch in the lobby. We love on premise clubs.

[scvette01 15]

Just a word of advice, most on premise clubs will have one night a week (usually on Saturday) where no single men are allowed. This usually is the busiest night of the week so the club should be hopping! It's also our favorite night to attend. If you go on a Thursday there can be 15 guys and 3 couples (been there, won't go back) and it feels like sharks circling the bait.

 

Clubs have different rules but you can have sex almost anywhere and everywhere and you will see sex going on everywhere in almost every combination imaginable.

 

If you want super sexually charged then it's the place to go and then you can go to your own private room, semi-private room or just get into right there on a couch in the lobby. We love on premise clubs.

 

Yes the club we were planning on going to has couples ONLY on Sat night.

 

As for the what goes on inside, which I know is sex, but how intense is it?

 

Is that all your going to hear or will it be a little more discretely?

 

Will we be walking into a HUGE orgy or something of the like?

 

Also is the lighting toned down like a strip club or can you REALLY see whats going on?

[DigginIt 1,132]

As for the what goes on inside, which I know is sex, but how intense is it?

 

Is that all your going to hear or will it be a little more discretely?

 

Will we be walking into a HUGE orgy or something of the like?

 

Also is the lighting toned down like a strip club or can you REALLY see whats going on?

 

It depends on the club, the crowd, etc. We like Colette's and there is always random sex taking place throughout the evening downstairs (which is where the dance floor and bar is) but that's tame compared to upstairs. Upstairs has a lounge. Mrs. Diggs gave me a nice bj there next to two other couples having straight sex. There is a theater room off that room that always has a crowd of people having sex (not together as a group) while watching the movies. There you have the two way mirror where you can looking into the group room and the semi private rooms are on the opposite side that just has light mesh for doors (but there are privacy screens) so the short answer is pretty sexually charged and intense.

 

There are private rooms if you want discretion or you are a little shy. You can go in there with others or just the two of you to release some of the sexual tension.

 

Doubtful on the huge orgy but the group rooms and semi private rooms will have its share of foursomes but I have yet to see a full on orgy...at a club.

 

Lights vary throughout the clubs.

 

In a nutshell. The two (third coming soon) that we have been too are pretty much like any dance club. Very easy going, very casual and you have the bar and dance floor areas that are usually very mild to the themed rooms where it gets very wild.

[JM153 346]

I've talked to her about it, a couple of times since I posted on here. She seems fine with it. Told her its a ADULT club, not strip club, BUT there will be other things going on. I said we can hang out and not participate in whats going on. If we don't like it we can leave.

 

She said thats fine. Knowing her, once the nervousness wears off and she relaxes, we'll both have fun.

 

My plan is to go for the highly sex charged environment that we'll be in. Who knows we may have sex there, or in the car out in the parking lot, or just wait till we get home and go at it.

 

Kinda scary going into this, but exciting at the same time. Makes it easier knowing people will respect you when rules are laid down

 

Thanks Everyone:)

 

I just want to reiterate that she needs to know as much as you do before arriving at the club. You use the term ADULT club. Does she understand that means there will be people having sex there? If not then she might be blindsided and maybe that will not bother your wife, but it sure would mine.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I would pursue it but I would not surprise your wife with just going to a club or theatre. Talk to her more openly about the idea, tell her what you've found and see how she receives the information.

[Powerglide 235]

You might also consider using sites like SwingLifeStyle or Adultfriendfinder to seek out another couple interested in soft swing. There appear to be quite a few folks just like you.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Yes the club we were planning on going to has couples ONLY on Sat night.

 

As for the what goes on inside, which I know is sex, but how intense is it?

 

Is that all your going to hear or will it be a little more discretely?

 

Will we be walking into a HUGE orgy or something of the like?

 

Also is the lighting toned down like a strip club or can you REALLY see whats going on?

 

Scvette01 We're hoping after reading these questions, you come back and tell us what you found out. As a soft swinging couple, did you find anyone compatible ?

 

fun~

[scvette01 15]

Scvette01 We're hoping after reading these questions, you come back and tell us what you found out. As a soft swinging couple, did you find anyone compatible ?

 

fun~

 

Sorry I haven't updated:blush:

 

We have not yet made it to a club and I leave next tues for basic training. So maybe this weekend, but it might have to wait till I get back:(

 

I will post updates when it happens though

[slevin 1,374]

I would suggest waiting until you get back. You need a clear head to focus on your basic training. The last thing you need to worry about is anything that happens while swinging for the first time. Being away for that long right after your first time swinging would likely be tough for both of you.

[scvette01 15]

UPDATE!!

 

So we talked about going to that adult club. She was game for it last night.

She gets dressed up in a cute dress and heels and is sporting NO bra and panties. We go out to kill time untill the club opens. We TALKED a lot, about feelings , being with someone else, and different situations and how they would make us feel.

 

Well, we left this store and start driving over to the club, now all of a sudden she is quiet. Her nerves started to kick in. We get there and this place is in a bad area and looks really rough on the outside, there were only about 10 cars outside and some of them looked real scary. So we pussed out and didn't pay the $40 to go in.

 

We went home and had great sex instead. Like some recommended , a meet and greet seems safer.

 

Now here is another question. I brought up a "what if". We meet a couple and that couples wife is up for soft play on me. My wife said go for it. I said what about you? She says I'll watch and masturbate.... Ok cool with me , but what if her hubby wants to play with you? She says "I wouldn't feel comfortable , idk"

 

So here is my question. Basically wife is fine if I play and doesn't mind if she is present, but she might not be interested in playing w the other husband. It seems like our chances are slim to none of meeting anyone, or pissing couples off.

 

Thoughts ?

 

Thanks for listening

Anthony

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

UPDATE!!

 

So we talked about going to that adult club. She was game for it last night.

She gets dressed up in a cute dress and heels and is sporting NO bra and panties. We go out to kill time untill the club opens. We TALKED a lot, about feelings , being with someone else, and different situations and how they would make us feel.

 

Well, we left this store and start driving over to the club, now all of a sudden she is quiet. Her nerves started to kick in. We get there and this place is in a bad area and looks really rough on the outside, there were only about 10 cars outside and some of them looked real scary. So we pussed out and didn't pay the $40 to go in.

 

We went home and had great sex instead. Like some recommended , a meet and greet seems safer.

 

Now here is another question. I brought up a "what if". We meet a couple and that couples wife is up for soft play on me. My wife said go for it. I said what about you? She says I'll watch and masturbate.... Ok cool with me , but what if her hubby wants to play with you? She says "I wouldn't feel comfortable , idk"

 

So here is my question. Basically wife is fine if I play and doesn't mind if she is present, but she might not be interested in playing w the other husband. It seems like our chances are slim to none of meeting anyone, or pissing couples off.

 

Thoughts ?

 

Thanks for listening

Anthony

 

 

First off. No worries on skipping the club. At least you had a great talk and some great sex. There will be other clubs when you are both ready.

 

As for a situation where she doesn't play but you play with the wife... are you/she willing for this to occur where you and the other husband are both playing with the other wife while she watches? Or perhaps she just joins in with you? There are some couples who would be open to this if they are looking for a MFM. You just have to be really open about what you are comfortable with/ looking for from the start.