Why do you think "reclaiming sex" is so good/hot?

[shrevecouple 252]

I have been reading a good bit on here lately. One thing that I have seen said over and over that the sex between you and your spouse/SO right after a lifestyle encounter is quite awesome. Do you think this is just the two of you reconfirming who is most important in your life? Do others really turn you on that much that it carries over at home? I am curious to know what experienced swingers' opinions or beliefs are about this.

 

We have yet to really test this theory out since we've only had one experience and it was MFM.

[campgirl2in1 74]

For the guy it's sperm competition. His orgasm is more intense as he is attempting to ejaculate more to overcome/outnumber the sperm left by other males. Just because it is a physical/chemical process don't mean it ain't fun.

 

As for my wife I just like to think she gets off on it 'cuz she's a horny broad. ?

[nhcpl1968 18]

For us it is reconnecting after we have been out for the evening always seems to be to most exciting part of the experience.and for some days after ..although we don't get to go out to often so it makes it that much better

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I'm not wild about the concept of "reclaiming" or even "reconnecting", we certainly don't need to reclaim each other. And frankly it is not so much about reconnecting as continuing the shared experience.

 

But the post party sex is very hot. I think it has more to do with the fact that we just took part in a very exciting erotic sexual experience where we had sex with someone else, now we are continuing the experience with each other. Since we are in love (rather than just having sex) the sex is that much more charged and exciting than the rest of the experience, which (usually) was pretty damn good and highly charged by itself. .

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I wish we could reconnect:hahaha: Normally we get home and trying to crawl up the stairs, the sober one has to help them up and get into bed before the floor moves again.

[Alura 2,774]

Coupleerotic22 said:

I'm not wild about the concept of "reclaiming" or even "reconnecting", we certainly don't need to reclaim each other. And frankly it is not so much about reconnecting as continuing the shared experience.

 

This is closer to home in my experience, Coupleerotic. Laura and I never felt the need to "reclaim." Nevertheless, the sex between us was special after an encounter.

 

We made love, but it was also highly charged. I'm sure part of it was the "delicious naughtiness" we had just experienced together. She said some surprising things during these after-play couplings.

 

"Rick's come tasted bitter compared to yours, Darling. I think it's because he smokes."

 

Or... "Does my pussy feel different, Darling? It's full of John's come, y'know!"

 

Or... "Hi, Darling! Have I got a hot pussy for you!" as she seated herself on my chin. "I've haven't come all evening! Fix that for me, please."

 

We'd talk about the evening while copulating. After we'd climaxed, just before we'd fall asleep, I'd think, "Why does Father Sky like me so much?"

 

It's almost two years since Laura died. For a few months, I've been working on an old relationship with another lady. We may never swing together, but the communication is just as free, the lack of fear just as rewarding. I think Mother Earth likes me, too.

[GPHTallCouple 69]

Originally Posted by Coupleerotic22

I'm not wild about the concept of "reclaiming" or even "reconnecting", we certainly don't need to reclaim each other. And frankly it is not so much about reconnecting as continuing the shared experience.

 

For us there was a lot of reconnecting the first few times we played with others. I needed to make love to MrGPH to cap off the night. Also, I often just needed more after our first few encounters. On the way home, I'd ask MrGPH,"Do you have anymore left for me?" Lately though, its more often a continuation, or as we talk with each other about the our experience, we get so turned on....and ....ya know...

[The Fuse 1,012]

We actually don't have reclaiming sex, or whatever you want to call it. We like to savor the experience of sexual variety on its own. We cuddle and grin at each other.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Lots of interesting, and biological, interpretations but I think we all experience different things.

 

For me it was seeing my wife, who is normally so inhibitied, let herself go. And, really being able to see her having sex, and not just in a mirror or on a homemade movie. Damn! She was so hot!

 

But, along with that, the memories of the other woman..., the newness, the differences, the excitement, seemed to always keep my labido on high alert for weeks afterwards.

[PTTimeDC 120]

Ours is a combination of many here; it's a process of coming together, touching, sensing, smelling each other again and talking about the fun we just had. It's also that animalistic attraction "reclaiming", like saying "this is mine and it feels so good". It's a mental and physical reconnection of the most intense variety.

[shrevecouple 252]

 

But, along with that, the memories of the other woman..., the newness, the differences, the excitement, seemed to always keep my labido on high alert for weeks afterwards.

 

I don't mean to pick on you Vi, but this stuck out to me. Do you think this is fair to your wife? When I read this I hear - "I'm having sex with my wife but thinking of how fun someone else is"

 

Is it wrong for me to want to know it's all about me when we come back together?

 

I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts on this.

[RDfnd 180]

I don't mean to pick on you Vi, but this stuck out to me. Do you think this is fair to your wife? When I read this I hear - "I'm having sex with my wife but thinking of how fun someone else is"

 

Is it wrong for me to want to know it's all about me when we come back together?

 

I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts on this.

 

I completely understand and agree with Vi on this one. After swing sex, our sex is enhanced by us not just thinking about the other partner(s), but also talking about them and the experience while we have sex. Reliving together the eroticism of the past experience is all part of the excitement. It's not the only reason our post- swing sex is so hot, but it definitely plays a role in it.

 

I'm confused with this question you pose:

 

Is it wrong for me to want to know it's all about me when we come back together?

 

I'd have to have a better understanding of what you mean to accurately comment, however my first inclination is to feel that at least for us, everything about swinging has to in one way or another be about both of us, never one or the other.

[shrevecouple 252]

Let me see if I can better explain that. For me I would rather know he comes back to me and is turned on more by me not the memory of someone else. Yes we may have had an exciting experience but your not closing your eyes and seeing her. I don't think I wanna hear about someone else while my husband is having sex with me.

[couplers 4,640]

You asked, so this is from the twisted mind of Petra. Even though we have been doing this for years, it is still hard to get my Catholic girl mind around the facts that I have a regular sexual relationship with another man and that my darling, darling husband is humping another woman. We don't need to immediately reconnect after one of us has sex with our "other," but sometimes when I am with hubby it crosses my mind in a moment, I get jealous, I get horny, I get wet, and if possible I want to have sex right then. Sometimes it happens when my husband and I are making love. Then for me it turns love making into heated passion/sex on my part. These images cause me to bounce between trying to extinguish my jealousy of his nonmonogamy and reinforce my self-image of being an in-control adulteress. In either case it results in fueling my lust for my husband. It's beyond all reason, but that's the way it is.

[Willing29 66]

We have yet to really test this theory out since we've only had one experience and it was MFM.

You still could have tested it out after the other male left . Anyhow it's always better after a party or such not because of reclamation but more so that you are very comfortable with each other that you can both just let go (or whatever). Needless to say that you are both charged up from the evening.

[shrevecouple 252]

Not it wasn't really possible after that encounter. My husband had performance issues and I was doing more consoling than anything. I had asked him this same question a few days ago and he said..."well wasn't the after sex awesome after I was finally able to get back in the game so to speak" and unfortunately my answer was no. All I was thinking was "thank god it's happening because he was really really about to have an emotional breakdown"....It was more of a relief to me that we were doing it for his sake.

 

I know it wasn't the answer he wanted but that's how I honestly felt at the time.

[Chicup 41]

Its evolution and has been studied.

 

Men have 'larger' orgasms when having sex with a woman after shes had sex or may have had sex with another man.

 

Basically you are trying to overwhelm his sperm.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Its evolution and has been studied.

 

Men have 'larger' orgasms when having sex with a woman after shes had sex or may have had sex with another man.

 

Basically you are trying to overwhelm his sperm.

 

Is it subconscious because I just always thought that it was because I was still horny

 

I would roll over and look at her and say something romantic like "well, we are both still awake...":hahaha:

 

Just kidding...reconnecting seemed to be something that was more important to us when we were newer in the lifestyle but now it's about crawling in bed next to each other, snuggling up and saying "wow, what a night!"

[couplers 4,640]

Chicup said:

Its evolution and has been studied.

 

Men have 'larger' orgasms when having sex with a woman after shes had sex or may have had sex with another man.

 

Basically you are trying to overwhelm his sperm.

 

Another evolutionary development described in the respected on-line magazine Slate:

 

"The study of sperm competition in humans, though, is fairly new. In a study published in 2003, researchers at the State University of New York-Albany used a variety of dildos, artificial vaginas, and a homemade semen recipe to test whether the penis might be elegantly designed not only to deposit semen in the vagina, but also to remove it. The researchers speculated that when a man has sex with a woman who has recently slept with another man, the first man's semen is pulled out with the second man's penis (because it gets caught behind the second man's coronal ridge, which separates the head of the penis from the shaft). This lends meaning to the term "sloppy seconds": Sex the second time around is sloppy, because the semen that is removed ends up, well, making a mess.

 

The researchers found evidence to support their hypothesis: Dildos featuring a coronal ridge, like a real penis, displaced 91 percent of semen that got there first. Dildos without ridges displaced only 35 percent.... That the human penis might have evolved as a semen displacement device is "not an outrageously ridiculous idea," says Todd Shackelford, an evolutionary psychologist at Florida Atlantic University. Size, too, may matter here—the longer a man's penis is, the more likely it is to deposit semen out of reach of other men.

 

Of course, if a man has sex with a woman twice in quick succession, then there is the risk that he will displace his own semen. But researchers believe that men have evolved ways of preventing this from happening—for instance, men usually need to "recover" for a few hours between orgasms [Petra note - the "Coolidge Effect," however, shows that a man recovers much more quickly when presented with a different woman], and they rarely continue to thrust after they ejaculate. Both of these behaviors help keep men from accidentally removing their own goods."

 

The full article can be found at Men, women, passion, and sperm. - By Melinda Wenner - Slate Magazine

[Big Rock 173]

Could guilt have a part? Just sayin. A large part of the rationale for swinging is the belief that humans aren't monogamous. There is no cultural/scientific basis for this belief, but it exists , if only in the minds of swingers. Perhaps the reclamation sex is good because it is tension/guilt/remorse/ stress/anxiety free. You are, in fact, doing what you are supposed to do, with the person you are supposed to be doing it with. I may be wrong, but it's worth considering.

[Chicup 41]

Could guilt have a part? Just sayin. A large part of the rationale for swinging is the belief that humans aren't monogamous. There is no cultural/scientific basis for this belief, but it exists , if only in the minds of swingers. Perhaps the reclamation sex is good because it is tension/guilt/remorse/ stress/anxiety free. You are, in fact, doing what you are supposed to do, with the person you are supposed to be doing it with. I may be wrong, but it's worth considering.

 

Bigrock I'm glad you are an expert on both swinging and human evolutionary psychology now.

 

There is quite a bit of evidence that humans are not very monogamous so strike one there, not sure where you got your information from but its wrong.

 

And I need to really point out the issue with the second idea at the subconscious level.

 

"Wow, I'm so glad I'm back with my wife instead of that really hot woman I just did doggy style while my wife went down on us both at the same time. What a relief I'm back into societal norms instead of having that hot monkey sex that my wife and I enjoy. This is just like a good old shoe and I'm going to have a huge orgasm because its what a good boy should be doing instead of other women!"

 

A side note, did you know that women are most likely to cheat when they ovulate and more likely to have an orgasm while cheating? I assume thats because they feel guilty

[shrevecouple 252]

Chicup said:

"Wow, I'm so glad I'm back with my wife instead of that really hot woman I just did doggy style while my wife went down on us both at the same time. What a relief I'm back into societal norms instead of having that hot monkey sex that my wife and I enjoy. This is just like a good old shoe and I'm going to have a huge orgasm because its what a good boy should be doing instead of other women!"

 

Not all people stay monogamous because "it's the right thing to do". Like it's preached over and over again on here,To each their own. And for someone whom monogamy is the right choice for them statements like that chicup could be offensive to insinuate that your wife/husband is the old has been that's the addition to hot sex with other women instead of other women being the addition to hot sex with your wife.

 

And I seriously doubt Rock considers himself an expert. I think he was just stating a hypothesis not something he thought of as fact.

 

The question is basically why is this after swinging/reclaiming sex good/better for you and yours, not who thinks they know more about human evolution or who has read the most articles or text books.

[Big Rock 173]

Bigrock I'm glad you are an expert on both swinging and human evolutionary psychology now.

 

There is quite a bit of evidence that humans are not very monogamous so strike one there, not sure where you got your information from but its wrong.

 

And I need to really point out the issue with the second idea at the subconscious level.

 

"Wow, I'm so glad I'm back with my wife instead of that really hot woman I just did doggy style while my wife went down on us both at the same time. What a relief I'm back into societal norms instead of having that hot monkey sex that my wife and I enjoy. This is just like a good old shoe and I'm going to have a huge orgasm because its what a good boy should be doing instead of other women!"

 

A side note, did you know that women are most likely to cheat when they ovulate and more likely to have an orgasm while cheating? I assume thats because they feel guilty

Chicup, I'm just playing a little "devil's advocate", here. I as interested in the feedback as the original question, so no worrys there. As far as the idea that humans aren't monogamous, there are just as many "studies", to prove they are, as to prove they aren't. You know as well as I that you can "prove", or "disprove", anything you want, depending on what evidence you use or avoid. The orgasm/ovulation/cheating idea would have some validity if you studied ALL women, including religious/non-cheaters/ and even lesbians. One man's tuna is another man's catfood. My own beliefs are that anybody can screw anybody else, as long as they do it openly and honestly. This "reclamation sex", idea just seems to me to be hypocritical, but I'm open to change.

[slevin 1,374]

Read Sex at Dawn for a current, and interesting, discussion on human sexuality and monogamy etc.

[PB&J 1,086]

Chuck Lorre's theory on this subject of evolution and sex:

 

A Scientific Theory for Male Promiscuity

 

For obvious evolutionary reasons, strange causes a chemical to be released in the brain that makes a man feel good. He is thus driven to seek out strange. Unfortunately, this euphoric brain excretion quickly becomes ineffective because strange is only strange once (although with alcohol and some creativity, its strangeness can be lengthened, sometimes for several years). Nevertheless, eventually strange ceases to be strange, which forces the brain, designed over millions of years to avoid pain and locate pleasure, to find new strange. Scientists disagree as to when this simple evolutionary mechanism created the mutation known as divorce lawyers, or why the entire concept is not accepted by the formerly strange as a good reason for sleeping with her sister.

[LFM2 1,482]

Since I am just coming to this thread...

 

Dave and I are most like DigginIt and love to just sleep next to each other, usually holding hands. It used to be we'd come home and fuck like minks. We had much more energy back when we started. Now, it's great that we come home holding hands and just crawl in bed and talk about the night.

 

We have nothing to prove to each other. We know our love for each other is more powerful than any play session can provide. I truly think that's why there isn't anything we don't do with a play partner that we wouldn't do with each other.

 

We share way more than sex with each other.

[willyoats 324]

I have noted also that after being with another woman, I am really hot for my wife. I don't really care why, but exploring the reasons can't hurt. There have been some interesting theories outlined above.

 

Anecdote: Our first full swap experience was with club owners in Florida. She had literally hundreds of encounters in the preceding year. When we were finished and we were all in the hot tub relaxing, I noticed that she was all over her husband. I thought it was kind of cute at the time, not realizing that it is so common.

 

It wasn't till somewhat later in our swinging "career" that I began to feel the same way, viz., I really wanted my wife after I had been with another woman.

[sweet_tna 680]

I don't care for the term "reclaiming". I can deal with "reconnecting" a little better, but the thing is, Mr. Sweet and I don't get disconnected from each other when we swing. We're in love, and our connection goes way deeper than physical proximity.

 

That said, whether we have post-play sex as soon as we're alone, or the next day all depends on the situation. There's no rush for it, though it's made for some of the hottest sex we've ever had. We love re-living the the night with each other, talking about what we liked (or didn't) about the experience. It should go without saying that things are way more intense with us because of our feelings for each other.

 

Think of it this way. When something really good or really bad happens to you, aren't you inclined to want to rush to the phone/computer/your best friend's house to tell them all about it? Well, this is pretty much the same thing.

 

=)

[Trazom 35]

Thank you, sweet_tna. We will have reconnect sex shortly after our play time. I'll vocalize how I loved watching Mrs. Tra. have somebody else insider her. I'll mention some moan that I had never heard before from her.

 

I'll share how it felt to be inside who I played with. Maybe she touched me a certain way or did a deep throat. I don't do it to say, "This is what you should do.." I do it to say how much I really enjoyed our experience.

 

We usually wind up having some very powerful orgasms with each other.

[angelkin 1,326]

I was just talking with a friend about this today! I think it's so hot because you don't have that emotional connection with people you play with - we finish off most play nights together and our appetite for one another is increased for days afterwards. In addition to the emotional connection, nobody rocks my world like he does. We know each other so well and the sex is out of this world when we're together...meeting with others is recreational and fun, but does not usually result in those explosive full-body orgasms that fully satiate me.