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Do you have a purge & sanitize plan?

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After reading this thread on photography and swinging, and seeing concerns about being exposed expressed, my thoughts turned to the slightly morbid, but still a possibly interesting and important subject to some.

 

For those that are concerned about being exposed, or putting loved ones in an uncomfortable position: Do you have a Purge & Sanitize plan should the worst of possible events occur; you and your spouse pass away at the same time?

 

Specifically, I'm thinking in terms of playtime pictures, videos, etc. Do you care who sees it at that point? What about computer access? Do you have files that you wouldn't want certain family members to see after you've gone to the big house party in the sky?

 

Have you picked someone to come in and take care of these type of things before the family started sorting through your stuff, or do you figure "Hey, we're gone, so fuck it, they can just deal with it"?

If you have picked someone to make the purge, what steps have you taken to ensure they can complete this task unhindered?

 

Yeah, it's not the happiest or most uplifting subject to bring up, but I think it may be a worthwhile discussion.

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Yes we do! Last year I confided in a life long friend, that my wife and I agreed upon. He has been identified to our family as someone who will take care of my computers and tech related businesses. He will receive information upon our death that will allow him to login to our Play computers and what needs to be deleted and destroyed. We both trust him completely and we has the technical knowledge to make sure nothing is left. Then he will deliver the computers to whom we have specified.

 

One thing we have not considered is if or how he should notify our play mates, LS friends and account/boards like this. We are still working on that. Not sure if we even need to do anything at all.

 

I wish I had film of when I told him that we were in the LS. He was not blown away, but a bit flustered. He has always kidded around with me and my wife in a verbally naughty way, (about my wife's breast, ass etc), friendly stuff but not out of line at all. He turned beet red when I told him, I think his mind wandered off the her, lol. He doesn't kid around as much, I think he feels like it might be seen as hitting on her too much now that he knows she plays.

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I have no such plan. My two sons will handle my computers and other business once I meet my late wife at Crazy Horse's lodge in the Happy Hunting Ground.

 

They both know we were swingers, so "What? Me worry?"

 

:)

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This is a thought that has been swimming around in my head off and on for years. And the simple answer is "no, we don't". For us, it gets even more complex.... I have a book out there? What happens to it? I have websites out there? What happens to them? A lingering profile on a swinger site would be the least of our worries. But, yes I do consider how it would affect a family member if they were to stumble upon any or all of these things after our death. No, we won't be around to care, but we still don't want anything to bring more pain to our families than would have already been brought by our death(s).

 

As for notifying boards like this, ad sites, or even swinger friends. To me it comes down to it doesn't matter, except for the friends part. If there are people out there who care about you (beyond just wanting in your pants) I'd want to notify them. I'd want to give them the same respect that I'd give to any friends in our lives. But, how does news like this spread? Word of mouth usually, family calls friends and friends call more friends (or let them know online). So I guess I'd just hope that those closest to me/us would spread the word and it would spread from there to widening circles.

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I've also thought about this, if only in passing.

 

We do care that some people not ever know we were banging anyone else.

 

Do I care enough to have a plan in place? Nope.

 

We wouldn't want to upset anyone, and firstly, I think our middle child would be devastated to know what her father and I do, but I think the oldest who does know of our hobby would try to talk to her about it. Our youngest would probably think we rock for having such cool lives. Really, we don't talk about our sex live with our kids. Sex in general, yes, but not OUR sex lives.

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I use vipre and window washer each time I have been online and I don't store anything on any hard drive that I wouldn't want to be found after my death.

 

I used to have "stuff" on the hard drives and had my best friend promise to reformat my computers if I died unexpectedly but decided to just make sure there wasn't anything that I didn't want to be found.

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Well, no plan, actually. But then again, we have already shocked two out of four offspring. The first two should be able to fill the other two in. And our profile after thirty days is no longer searchable at or viewable by an external link from SwingLifeStyle. I guess the really damning evidence is right here at Swingersboard and we don't even have to die for people to be able to read it; it's available now.

 

When they searched Thomas Edison's desk drawer at his office after he died, his son took things out, made comments of surprise, low whistles and intakes of breath, tossed selected items into the fire. Doesn't seem to have hurt his enduring image.

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SW_PA_Couple said:
I guess the really damning evidence is right here at Swingersboard and we don't even have to die for people to be able to read it; it's available now.

 

Absolutely! Our entire swinging history is probably laid out in some 7,000 posts. If they want to go to the trouble to read and collate them ... well, they deserve to learn what they will.

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No, no plan. On the other hand with 1.5 terabytes of porn on my computer it would probably take someone years to get to the stuff that included us.

 

Seriously, I've actually been involved in something like this before. I had a friend who was quite the philanderer who died unexpectedly. Turns out, he was fond of keeping a photo record of his escapades. When he died, it fell upon me, along with his step son (the son of his current wife) to go through his personal effects that we had in a storage unit shared be he and myself. Imagine my surprise and embarrassment when I pulled out the box containing the complete photo record of his conquests right in front of his step son. Needless to say, I had no idea what the box contained before that instant. On the up side, it made it a lot easier for me to recognize all of the women nobody seemed to know at the funeral.

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our profile after thirty days is no longer searchable at or viewable by an external link from SwingLifeStyle.

 

Just an FYI, I have seen SLS external profile links that were accessible even though the person had not logged on to the account for quite some.

 

R.E. another post. We have two small children at home. I am not sure HOW they would find out about it after our death, but we don't want to take that chance. Losing their parents would be traumatic enough without trying to understand the LS issue. When they get older, fine not a problem.

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WOW! What an interesting topic. Morbid yes, but one to be considered nevertheless. I suppose I wouldn't care personally since I figure they are going to bury me (the male) face down in the corner of the cemetary anyway. The Mrs. on the other hand, had and still does have a reputation with her former community as a pilar of strength and morality. Guess thats sort of an oxymoron considering what we do now. I think it would be more detrimental to her memory if her family, children and community ever found out.

 

We have one lifestyle couple that we know (I have known him for the better party of my life) who I guess I would trust to destroy the computers and external drives since they would be of no use to anyone at that time.

 

I guess the best case scenario is that we both go down in flames on a plane where the laptops would be destroyed anyway right??

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My bestfriend has instructions to go through our house and remove anything that would challenge my parent's perspective of me (they think I'm uptight and a bit of a prude, ha!) if both of us were to die so that would include removing all the sex toys and lingerie, clearing the computers, etc. This plan has been in place since I bought my first sex toy at 18 lol

 

Our children are too young to understand or care about our sex life, but I don't want my parents to realize how little they know about me since I think that, more than what our actual activities are, would hurt them.

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The Mrs. on the other hand, had and still does have a reputation with her former community as a pilar of strength and morality. Guess thats sort of an oxymoron considering what we do now.

 

It is only an oxymoron if YOU or SHE consider her to have a lack of morals. Morals are subjective. Some people consider things like hunting, eating meat, turning a light switch on during the sabbath, sex in any other position besides missionary, getting taboos, etc. to be immoral. Most swingers I know I have high moral standards, they are just slightly different on the concept of sex.

 

I have known him for the better party of my life

Nice slip on words :)

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When I first read the title. I was thinking the other way. After swinging with someone "Do you have a purge & sanitize plan?". :hahaha:

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Coupleerotic22 said:
It is only an oxymoron if YOU or SHE consider her to have a lack of morals. Morals are subjective. Some people consider things like hunting, eating meat, turning a light switch on during the sabbath, sex in any other position besides missionary, getting taboos, etc. to be immoral. Most swingers I know I have high moral standards, they are just slightly different on the concept of sex.

 

Nice slip on words :)

 

I suppose it was too early to type or think....LOL

 

Actually the Mrs was actively involved in church communities in a very small town. It's not that she or I believe either of us have a lack of morals but those in her community would see it that way. Consequently even posthumously she would be chastised.

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I suppose it was too early to type or think....LOL

 

Actually the Mrs was actively involved in church communities in a very small town. It's not that she or I believe either of us have a lack of morals but those in her community would see it that way. Consequently even posthumously she would be chastized.

 

That I understand and agree with. Well, I understand that it would happen, I still don't understand fully why people would be that way, but such is life.

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Here I thought the thread would be about plans to handle broken condoms, unexpected deposits and such. Wow was I ever wrong.

 

No purge and sanitize plan for us. If it happens, so be it. My bet is anybody that would make the discovery wouldn't be all that surprised. Just maybe, if they hadn't considered swinging, then they might afterwards.

 

Planting the seed posthumously.

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Since I'm going to die on April the 4th, 2024. I'll have everything ready/taken care of including my own obituary.

 

Then I'll be back through reincarnation after a needed rest in the spirit world a little bit. So that being said, don't no one mess with my posts here, or porn on my computer.

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My professional role often involves working with bereaved families. If I have known the family for a while, I am periodically asked to join them at the funeral and wake.

 

Some years ago, I attended a wake where it was known that the deceased and her husband (who had preceded her in death a year earlier) had been swingers. Far from thinking/speaking ill of the deceased, the general mood of their (adult) children and friends was that they made the best of their time on this earth.

 

500 years ago, George Herbert (an English cleric) penned, "Living well is the best revenge." One might offer a slight revision, "Swinging well is the best revenge", along with a knowing smile, to those who survive you.

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Coupleerotic22 said:
That I understand and agree with. Well, I understand that it would happen, I still don't understand fully why people would be that way, but such is life.

 

Sad but true.....Seems other people judge YOUR life and your happiness by THEIR standards. We know this to be true since she has received some pretty rude judgemental comments on her social networking site about her clothing being skimpy or some of the comments she has made. One can only wonder what would be said posthumously.

 

This brings me to another point about "purge and sanitize" that I thought about. While its fine to destroy the computers and hard drives, what about social networking sites? One could assume leaving up ads on a swingers site would just let them fall away after some time, but not the social networking sites. I have two friends from those sites who passed away recently about the same time. Their sites are still up as sort of a message board where people still post about them and how they miss them etc. Could you imagine a vindictive person posting derogatory comments after your death?

 

This would mean that whomever you choose to "purge and sanitize" would have to be trusted with the pass codes to your social networking sites while you were still here

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At this point it's pretty easy for us, we have no racy "orgy type" photos, we don't have any videos, all we really have for evidence is our posts and profile. The photos we have are semi nudes of each of us, but nothing out of the ordinary. Our kids would think those are "funny" or "icky", not much beyond that though. Our posts and profiles would likely never be found since the names we use dont really track back to our real lives in any fashion, and we dont leave much beyond internet history evidence. So yeah a good computer person could possibly figure it out, but a grieving likely never would.

 

We have a bunch of numbers on our cell phones, but who doesn't.

 

I've been in a forum community when someone who was frequently around died suddenly, and the word spreads pretty efficiently even without their families discovering the forum. Usually people have some real life friends who are on the forum and they notify others, we could only hope we would have the same.

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The only incriminating thing my late wife left behind might have been her "swinger clothes," but a very nice unicorn on this board adopted them. When I gave Laura's "Cruel Girl" jeans to a dear friend, I told her it was because it would "allow her husband to get into Laura's pants, thereby fulfilling one of her favorite fantasies." :)

 

I don't think Laura would have cared if she were "discovered" after death, though. She was never loathe to have her personal friends know about our hobby.

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No, we don't have a plan. One time my sister and I were having one of our periodic discussions about what to do if something happened to either us or them since we have mutually agreed to settle each other's affairs and raise the children. I remember her joking the ink may have faded on their box in the closet labeled "UPON OUR DEATHS BURN WITHOUT OPENING!!" and we needed to check ours to make sure it hadn't faded too. I don't think they are swingers, and I don't think they suspect we are, although if told that someone in the family were swingers I'm sure we would be their first suspects.

 

TwoTongues1999 said:
but I don't want my parents to realize how little they know about me since I think that, more than what our actual activities are, would hurt them.

 

Excellent point, I feel exactly the same way. Since I know that the person handling things shares and understands that concern, I fully trust she would do whatever necessary to keep the memory people have of us sanitized so I don't worry about it too much. While she probably wouldn't be totally on-board with swinging and I have no plans of outing ourselves to them to find out that answer for sure while we are still alive, she probably would get just laugh and shake her head about it when we were gone.

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No need for a plan. Both kids and wife's sister know all about us. They are the only ones who might be going through our stuff after we go the that great swing party in the sky.

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Not that big of deal for us. However some tips for others.

Password protect your computers. Keep one for play. All our computers are encrypted. They lose power and good luck getting back in.

 

Also look up DBAN. It is a bootable CD that will WIPE your computer. Put it in, reboot and type autonuke.

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I have my profile password protected on my laptop but I'm sure there is a way around it. I have a ton of pictures on here that I'm sure my mom would want to find and would go through great length to acquire. There is no denying that I'm part of the lifestyle once you get into my profile.

 

My hope is that my mom would say "well at least she had a lot of fun". That's what she said when she found out I snuck out of the house in my teens and ended up with a teen pregnancy. She thought I gave up my childhood and was glad to find out I had a little fun after all.

 

The only person I would be really sorry to find anything would be my soon to be 20 year old son. He's saving himself for a virgin (unbelievable but he prides himself on this) and would be very disappointed to find out his mother engaged in any type of promiscuous behavior. I think it would be confusing for him. I worry he wouldn't grasp the concept without me being there to explain it to him.

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Indeed Coupleerotic22

 

What we do in the Lifestyle is not wrong or immoral. It's just different than what current society says is proper. With that being said we are private with our sex life. I don't think anyone wants their family to know what they do in their bedroom. I have often thought about writing down instructions on what to delete. I think what I am going to do is put all my "special files" on a separate hard drive and then leave instructions on how to delete it. I'm glad some one started this thread because I have thought about before.

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The only person who'd really be upset by discovering our activities posthumously would be C's mom. And she's not exactly tech savvy.

 

That said, I would want to make sure our comp is cleared of any questionable files for our kids' sakes. And for that, I have a few friends upon whom I could rely for such a task.

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One option is to keep all your lifestyle activities in and encrypted folder or partition. That way without the password it will be nearly impossible to access. I like this better than an external drive, because the drive can be located and accessed. Unless the family member is really determined they are not going to be able to access the encrypted file and thus not know what is hidden inside. This want keep out the real computer expert or hacker, but the vast majority will never know what you have been up to.

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We had had a plan in effect since we started our club. Our oldest knows enuff about what we do to think is disgusting "his words" but he has promised to pass my laptop and 3 external hard drive to a close friend of mine to be wiped. We also run a web site for the club and the info for that is with my lawyer, he will pass that along to another friend who will continue to run the site and he and his wife will continue to host events.

 

L has a friend who will come in and clear our home of toys and such, they have promised to do this for each other.

 

L's mom knows about what we do so no worries there but her father and my parents would be shocked. We don't want them to remember us for our activities.

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