1/2 couple swinging

[Guest Unregistered]

What about a couple that the F half is absolutely against it and the M half would like to try swinging because of increased libido and wife's decrease. Advice?

[PB&J 1,086]

Do you want to stay married? If yes, then DON'T swing. Instead, work on your marriage. If no, get divorced and see what happens.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Do you want to stay married? If yes, then DON'T swing. Instead, work on your marriage. If no, get divorced and see what happens.

 

AGREE!!!!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Since she is absolutely against swinging, can we assume she would have no knowledge of your activities?

 

If so, it is cheating.

 

cheating ≠ swinging

 

See the above advice by PB&J

[DigginIt 1,132]

What about a couple that the F half is absolutely against it and the M half would like to try swinging because of increased libido and wife's decrease. Advice?

 

Swinging is about honesty with each other. If you have a good relationship then sex is something that can be talked about. There are points in everyone's lives where hormones and things come in and screw up sex drive but in a loving relationship there is understanding about each others needs and the two of you should be able to meet in the middle.

 

Swingers are all about discretion. Getting caught up in a public divorce case because the other half eventually finds out (and they will) isn't what we are striving for.

 

Work it out with your spouse.

[nllswing 81]

What about a couple that the F half is absolutely against it and the M half would like to try swinging because of increased libido and wife's decrease. Advice?

 

Family is like a business partnership, except that more than just money is at stake. You should decide things together.

 

It is not that uncommon for a marriage to face new issues as the years pass by. Having a libido difference emerge over the years, is something the two of you can decide how to deal with it if you plan to stay together. There is a book called "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino. Get a copy and talk with your wife.

 

In all cases, you need openness and communication. These are prerequisites for handling situations like this.

 

Finally, there are many swinging couples (if you read the board) who have started the discussion of swinging with one being opposed to it.

 

Good luck to both of you.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Sorry, but when you said "I do" there is no longer 1/2 of a couple. You are the two of you as long as you are still married.

 

If she has no interest, then the answer is a simple no. 99.9% of all swingers want nothing to do with a cheating husband.

 

Spend time with her working on your life together rather then thinking about swinging and on this web site. Hanging out here is not going to fix things for you at home and takes your mind off your wife. You don't need that.

 

Good luck to you. Just be honest with her and your self and have a great life.

[olderyder 15]

The responses to this question strike me as extremely sexist. It has been my observation that when want to swing without their wives (for whatever reason), they are branded as Cheaters who care for no one but themselves. When women want to swing without their husbands, they are encouraged to stand up for themselves, and, if they can't get hubby to come along, leave him at home watching the kids.

Guess it just depends on which side of the fence you are on.

[PB&J 1,086]

The responses to this question strike me as extremely sexist. It has been my observation that when want to swing without their wives (for whatever reason), they are branded as Cheaters who care for no one but themselves. When women want to swing without their husbands, they are encouraged to stand up for themselves, and, if they can't get hubby to come along, leave him at home watching the kids.

Guess it just depends on which side of the fence you are on.

 

I would give just the same answer to a woman (and probably have, somewhere on the boards). And I certainly have given that answer to a woman who got in touch with us who wanted to swing with us behind her husband's back. I had her deleted and blocked from my msn within a minute of her revealing that particular bit of information- but not before I'd told her exactly what I thought of her.

[swing.kidz 367]

I would give just the same answer to a woman (and probably have, somewhere on the boards). And I certainly have given that answer to a woman who got in touch with us who wanted to swing with us behind her husband's back. I had her deleted and blocked from my msn within a minute of her revealing that particular bit of information- but not before I'd told her exactly what I thought of her.

 

Yes, I agree. The op said "the F half is absolutely against it".

 

I'll bet the advice given here would be less "sexist" (olderyder's word) had the OP stated that his wife was fine for him to go play without her; especially if she was also willing to give verbal verification of this to his potential playmates.

 

Since that wasn't the case, the rest is history.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

The OP has not identified whether they are the wife or husband posting.

 

I can imagine a wife posting, wondering what her decision should be. Even though she may be against swinging--as a couple, since she has no interest in it--she may be considering allowing her husband to swing alone.

 

I don't think it unreasonable that a loving wife who realizes that she doesn't have the interest in sex that she used to, may want her husband to still be fulfilled sexually and may be wondering if swinging is a solution.

 

Looking at this possibility, I would advise her to talk with her husband about how they arrived at this point in life. Maybe the differing sexual needs have always existed but only now are you discussing them. There could be physical, mental, or situational issues causing this change. Talk about all of these possibilities. Determine if a compromise can be reached that will satisfy you both.

 

I hope you register and let us know more about you and your spouse. We can only imagine what might be if we have so little to go on.

 

LM

[LFM2 1,482]

What about a couple that the F half is absolutely against it and the M half would like to try swinging because of increased libido and wife's decrease. Advice?

 

Hi and to the Swingers Board.

 

We would have no problem whatsoever with the M swinging if the F knew and was fully informed of his actions and even went so far as to confirm it to any potential players.

 

If there ever came a time when I didn't want to/couldn't swing with my husband, he'd have my best wishes to keep on swinging because he really enjoys it so much.

[VegasLee 1,486]

The responses to this question strike me as extremely sexist. It has been my observation that when want to swing without their wives (for whatever reason), they are branded as Cheaters who care for no one but themselves. When women want to swing without their husbands, they are encouraged to stand up for themselves, and, if they can't get hubby to come along, leave him at home watching the kids.

Guess it just depends on which side of the fence you are on.

 

 

If you will look at my years of posts here you will see that I call either sex a cheater if that is what they are. There is no difference.

 

Now, I have also made a post similar to yours, it seems "some" swingers will forgive a cheating women for that chance at the "Unicorn" hook up. Those swingers are cheaters also and should think before leaping.

 

If you help someone cheat, you are also a cheater, just not on your own spouse. Like driving the get away car in a bank robbery, you still robbed the bank even though you did not go in the building.

[Chicup 41]

The responses to this question strike me as extremely sexist. It has been my observation that when want to swing without their wives (for whatever reason), they are branded as Cheaters who care for no one but themselves. When women want to swing without their husbands, they are encouraged to stand up for themselves, and, if they can't get hubby to come along, leave him at home watching the kids.

Guess it just depends on which side of the fence you are on.

 

The day my wife tells me shes going off to screw people without my ok is the day before I get to start looking for a trophy wife

 

I would like you to find a post where someone told the wife they should stand up and cheat on their husband who didn't want to swing.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

The responses to this question strike me as extremely sexist. It has been my observation that when want to swing without their wives (for whatever reason), they are branded as Cheaters who care for no one but themselves. When women want to swing without their husbands, they are encouraged to stand up for themselves, and, if they can't get hubby to come along, leave him at home watching the kids.

Guess it just depends on which side of the fence you are on.

 

I have been on these boards just over a year less than you and I cannot recall a single incident where someone offered different advice to a cheating wife than they did to a cheating husband. I have seen a couple of post that were more or less neutral on playing with a cheating spouse, but I think those cheaters were actually men if I recall correctly.

 

I generally use the term cheating spouse, and I can assure you I have the same low opinion of a cheaters regardless of their gender. From what I have seen, the same hold true of the vast majority of posters in this forum, at least the majority of those posting in the last year.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

The OP has not identified whether they are the wife or husband posting.

 

Nice catch LM.

 

As I stated, I assumed the wife was in the dark since she was dead set against it. But you are correct, it could be the wife posting.

 

If it is the wife, I guess I would ask her if she was okay with it and thought their marriage could survive. If she was okay with it, then I would say go for it, but the husband should expect an uphill climb because 1) the supply of single men far exceeds demand 2) She would need to be involved at least from the standpoint of verification. Most couples will require the husband to allow them to verify that she is okay with the arrangement.

 

If she has no knowledge or is not consenting then he should keep it in his pants and work on his marriage. And if he chooses to cheat then he should expect an even more difficult time attracting playmates.

[sexcupid 809]

THe OP states a decline in the wife's sex drive and an increase in the husband's. Realistically look at the situation...does the husband really have an increased sex drive or is it the same drive he's always had but the wife had a similar drive. Now that her drive has declined the disparity is clearer.

 

Why has her drive declined? How is the relationship really? Is the decline medical? A decline is sex is a symptom of something happening...if its not a medical issue, what is going on in your life? Is the relationship having difficulties and she's feeling disconnected or misunderstood (therefore less inclined to want to have sex)? Work or kids got her stressed?

 

There just isn't enough info to make a more informed response...hopefully the OP will register and respond. Another question...why does the husband want to swing? Is it because of the lack of sex within the marriage? And if the wife doesn't want to, but he still wants to go ahead and seek extracurricular sex, why not just find someone to have a fling with? Why does it have to be swinging? It would be way easier to find someone willing to cheat with you rather than finding swingers willing to entertain you. /Devil's advocate

 

Much luck,

[Botcpl 15]

That sort of takes the fun out of doing things together, doesn't it? Besides, it is so hard to keep everything you do a secret and that takes the fun out of it too. I would think most people looking for "a fling" are actually looking for something a little more long term. I don't think anyone is just hanging around home hoping their "friend" doesn't have anything else planned.

[incommunicado 228]

Sorry, didn't read through all the answers, forgive me if I repeat what someone else has said...

 

I've heard, read, and experienced the whole increased/decreased libido thing. (MOSTLY) men get cranky because they aren't getting laid as much as they want to, and (MOSTLY) women have a range of emotion about the mans attitude, ranging from sympathy and agreement, to inadequacy for not being more amorous, to feeling extremely pressured and put-upon.

 

But rarely do the (MOSTLY) men, consider and address the possible causes...

 

1) External causes: Stress, anxiety, depression, day-to-day bullshit that everyone has to deal with, that can easily manifest in decreased libido. I'll summarize what my wife has said to me. "It's hard to feel sexy towards you when I am stressed and you are one of the causes of my stress." So, in a nutshell, maybe it's you. Just sayin'. But, if it is, you are going to have to take your lumps and figure out how you can be a stress reliever not a stress causer. And, let me tell you, offering her oral sex to relieve her stress is NOT gonna cut it. I've tried. Counseling for one or both of you, to help to learn how to work with, and around stresses, and to help her not see you as a stress causer, may be in order. Oh, and if this IS the case... and you do stuff to make her life easier... don't expect it to turn around and get you laid more often, right away. Slow, and steady wins the race.

 

2) Internal causes: Age, childbirth, any variety of medical conditions, or metabolic changes can cause hormonal changes including a decrease in testosterone. I know what you may be thinking... "but that's a male hormone!" And, right you are my friend. But, it is also what makes us all horny. Decreased testosterone, decreased sex drive. You could encourage her, in a supportive fashion, to have her testosterone levels tested. If they fall below normal, the solution can be as simple as rubbing a little bit of cream on the back of her hand. A few weeks and she could be ready to roll. Of course, then you have to figure out if she's ready to roll with YOU.

 

The things I've mentioned? All fixable. Stepping out on your wife? It's indelible, and, if she finds out, can never be fixed, even if it doesn't end your marriage. Choose wisely young Skywalker.

 

Good luck.

[Cpl2share 147]

The husband (in this case) needs to suck it up and get a hobby that does not involve his penis. Saying "I do" means that you are partners.