Seeing your wife with another partner

[EnjoyingLife 127]

We have another question.

 

The friends that we have in the lifestyle talk all the time about how much they enjoy seeing their partners being turned on by another person. The males especially say they get really turned on watching their wives with another guy.

 

My husband says that he doesn't think that will be true for him. Not that he would be jealous--at least not the way we understand jealousy which we suspect usually includes a tinge of insecurity. Just that he feels it might not be comfortable for him to see. He says that there are some things that are okay with him, but he's not quite sure what his outer boundaries will be yet. That's a major reason we've decided to take this really slow, so that we can keep checking in and making sure he (and I) are okay with each new step.

 

But, as we've talked, we've wondered if other men *thought* they would also be uncomfortable seeing their wives like that, but then found that they actually got turned on by it?

 

In other words, do most men that get into the lifestyle do so already having fantasies about their wives being with someone else? Or do they get into it for other reasons and find being turned on by watching their spouse with someone else is a pleasant surprise? Or, do some of you never quite get over it and always feel a little uncomfortable?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . In other words, do most men that get into the lifestyle do so already having fantasies about their wives being with someone else? Or do they get into it for other reasons and find being turned on by watching their spouse with someone else is a pleasant surprise? Or, do some of you never quite get over it and always feel a little uncomfortable?

I will not pretend to speak for "most men". For myself, I am not put off by the sight and sounds of my wife enjoying herself with a man. But it simply does not hold my attention for very long. I'm distracted by the notion that there might be another woman somewhere in the vicinity with whom I could be having fun. Almost always there is.

[MN Tom 251]

For myself, it varies depending on what the situation is.

 

I really like to hear about the event from my wife afterwards, and I love seeing the happy look on her face, the glint in her eyes as she recounts it. This is all afterwards though, and my wife has a very similar feeling about me.

 

During a 2v2 swap though, it doesn't hold my attention. Im more focused on my partner at the time, and the sounds my wife is making are nice, but can also be a distraction too (if they arent sounding as nice as what Im hearing from my partner for example).

 

All of this is partially why we are fine with separate rooms or singles play. We really enjoy hearing about what happened, but we dont have as much desire in watching it as it happens.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

In other words, do most men that get into the lifestyle do so already having fantasies about their wives being with someone else? Or do they get into it for other reasons and find being turned on by watching their spouse with someone else is a pleasant surprise? Or, do some of you never quite get over it and always feel a little uncomfortable?

 

People vary wildly in what they are comfortable with and what they are not. It is really difficult to generalize. Fantasy and reality can often be completely different. I had thought about it rationally and logically but knew that emotions don't always follow suit.

 

For me, the fantasy of seeing with my wife with someone else was a turn on. But I had enough good sense to know that what was a turn on in fantasy might well be a kick in the gut in reality.

 

I expected that when fantasy became reality, I was going to be turned on by seeing her with someone else. But I was fully prepared to find out I was completely wrong and that it might bother me. Those thoughts stayed with me all the way to the point I actually saw her with someone else.

 

Fortunately, I was right and was just as turned on in reality as I was in my fantasies, but your mileage may vary.

 

My wife didn't think she would be turned on by seeing me with someone else. Turns out she was wrong, and it does turn her on.

 

Some couples prefer to play separate room because, while they can deal with the knowledge of their partner having sex with others, they are not ok SEEING it, or at least think they wouldn't be.

 

In your case I would just escalate things slowly. See how he feels seeing you kiss someone first, then gradually escalator the encounter until he knows were his comfort level is.

 

Also, hope for the best, expect the worst. In other words, hope that it is a complete turn on for him, but expect that it will be more than he can handle. Then plan accordingly. Talk about what to do and how to proceed if it turns out that he cannot stand seeing you with someone else. You both need to understand that you are doing this together, so if it turns out that one of you thinks you have made a complete mistake that you share that burden rather than placing the blame on one of you. If you share the responsibility then it is much more difficult to place blame if it turns out badly.

[slevin 1,374]

When we first got into swinging I had no idea what I would think the first time I saw my wife kissing another man or engaging in some type of sexual activity. Right up until it actually happened I was just never totally sure how I would take it. In my head I thought it would be fun, but I also thought I might get jealous. I had a bit of a pang of jealousy at first, but that passed as soon as I started getting attention from his very attractive wife

[spvcouple 123]

We agree with the others who have shared their experiences. Everyone gets a different kick out of different things.

 

Personally, our female half plays more at parties than our male half does. At first, the jealousy emotions were present. But as we gained experience playing with others AND saw how our own personal set of rules were never violated, then we got to enjoy watching each other with different people. I won't call them "lovers", just partners for sex.

[eraserxx7 8]

I for one enjoy seeing my wife getting fucked doggy style. Thats her favorite position but now she wont do it unless she can another woman using a strap-on on me.

 

I tell her I would be game because I dont think there are many women willing to do something like that. I want very much to see her with a very hung man.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Our very first time was with a couple we'd known a while. And, if was obvious that my wife and the husband of this couple were hot for each other. So, when the couple seduced us into swinging it came as no surpise to me and I knew my wife was going to enjoy it.

 

I think I enjoyed watching them as much as I enjoyed sex with the other wife that night.

 

After that first time I think that my enjoyment of seeing my wife with the other husband was mostly the knowlege that I would be allowed to enjoy the other wife. I always waited until my wife made that first move.

[olderyder 15]

Like most, I assume, I wondered what it would be like to see my Mrs. with another man and how I would deal with it. Also, like most, I found it a turn on the first couple of times. When I discovered that watching her or participating in MFM's with her were the limit of participation I would have in the LS, the excitement quickly turned to boredom. Hope your situation works out better than mine did.

[Tina and Bob 236]

From a female perspective, I have to admit that when I saw Bob orally pleasuring another women for the first time and viewing her positive response to him; I had a tinge of jealousy as that act I always felt was so personal and such an enjoyment and pleasurable for me. I sorta thought,(naievely) I was the only one he pleasured that way, and boy was I wrong. At the same time, it felt wonderful to me when I had intercourse the first time as Bob watched and Ken was totally into me. He is a Firemen and he was so aggressive; the sex was hard and rough and he said all the right things to me; ie, how good I tasted, I good I felt, what good oral I gave. Bob walked away and went to the spa with a group of other people. Ken and I layed on the bed and embraced each other and talked, and fondled and kissed for what Bob felt, I later found out, was longer than he was comfortable with. He was also not happy that I had allowed Ken to have unprotected sex with me and exchange fluids. Fortunately we were able to talk about it. He wasn't jealous and was happy for me, except for the unprotected sex, I realized it was very stupid on my part, especially since I was off birth control due to health issues. I had a couple of very stressful weeks after that and swore to Bob never again without protection. Tina

[EnjoyingLife 127]

Sorry. I shouldn't have generalized with my question. I know there is no one way that "most" people feel. It just seemed that the people we know all talk about having had fantasies of their wife with someone else, before ever swinging for the first time, and since this isn't true for him...and we haven't experienced our first time yet...he's worried about how he will feel and react if and when it does happen. It's helpful to read that others have had some of the same concerns.

[Gordo 618]

Sorry. I shouldn't have generalized with my question. I know there is no one way that "most" people feel. It just seemed that the people we know all talk about having had fantasies of their wife with someone else, before ever swinging for the first time, and since this isn't true for him...and we haven't experienced our first time yet...he's worried about how he will feel and react if and when it does happen. It's helpful to read that others have had some of the same concerns.

 

The "wife with another guy" fantasy drives a lot of the men here and you will find threads about it but truthfully you never know how you'll feel until you witness something.

 

For me watching my wife with another guy is the hottest porn show you can imagine. I love watching and helping

 

Kissing doesn't bother me in the slightest nor does separate rooms etc.

 

But one day my wife mentioned nuzzling her fav partner along his chin and I just about went ballistic. Somehow that was mine! I had to really stop and think about that one to reign in the feelings. But who would have ever guessed such an innocent act would generate such strong feelings.

 

I noticed on another thread you are planning on starting with soft swap and I think that's wise until you find your limits. It just never goes the way you think it will.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

This was the biggest question I had before I jumped into this with my wife. I had been in group/swinger hookups before with a few FWB's and been the second man in two MMF's. I wouldn't say that it turns me on....it turns me on to see her with another woman turns me on, though.

[FLgroupfun 15]

The Mrs. and I are new to the lifestyle.Haven't had our first experience yet. We feel that it is an extreme turn for either of us to be with another.No problems at all.I am perfectly fine with her being with another man.

Especially if he pushes all of her buttons the right way.She wants the same for me. For us it is a win win situation!

[DigginIt 1,132]

We were pretty much like Coupleerotic22.

 

I thought I would be excited - and was.

She thought she wouldn't - but she was.

 

Something I would mention is that the single biggest surprise in our initial encounters was that I wasn't as aware of the noises that my wife makes during sex until I watched her have sex with another. I had become so accustomed to them. My senses sharpened quite a bit that night That was not planned for and it was a big distraction the first time we played and it ended where I couldn't quite overcome it despite the fact that I absolutely enjoyed it...really!

 

If he feels that he won't get turned on then I would plan for the contingency that he won't and that it could even present a problem during play. Just food for thought.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

This was the biggest question I had before I jumped into this with my wife. I had been in group/swinger hookups before with a few FWB's and been the second man in two MMF's. I wouldn't say that it turns me on....it turns me on to see her with another woman turns me on, though.

 

OK. I lied...lol. We just had our first full swap experience, and it really turned me on watching her ride him. It still doesn't do much for me to watch her give oral to a man, though.

[swmnkdinthervr 52]

We have another question.

 

 

My husband says that he doesn't think that will be true for him. Not that he would be jealous--at least not the way we understand jealousy which we suspect usually includes a tinge of insecurity.

 

 

We have no trouble watching each other enjoy another persons attentions, that is due in part to our view that if we truly love each other how could we deny our partner the ultimate in pleasure! We both also find it arousing to be able to observe the response of each other in that scenario...that's something we don't get to do while in each others arms!!!

[EnjoyingLife 127]

It is so helpful to read all the different perspectives. The truth is, as much as we've talked about it, I honestly don't know if we'll ever get to the point where we find out the answer to this.

 

We just had the most amazing time just being together in the hospitality suite after the NYE party we went to. Just watching and being watched can be very erotic. We had an invitation and other opportunities to take it a bit further, but I don't think either one of us really WANTS to. We're just really into each other and really turned on by being with each other around others.

 

So, I guess that brings up the question: will we wear out our welcome at these parties if we never swap? But I should probably ask that question in another thread.

[sweet_tna 680]

Mr. Sweet doesn't so much get turned on by seeing me with someone else--unless it's another woman/women, as he does seeing me enjoy myself.

 

For me, it's much the same . . . when I pay attention. I tend to focus more on my partner(s) than my honey, though I do keep at least a peripheral awareness of what's going on with him. I do enjoy hearing his partner's noises, and knowing she's enjoying what he's doing to/with her ('cause I know how good it feels for me).

 

Everyone's different, though, and often the only way to find this stuff out is to try it. Just take your time, and go at a pace with which you're both comfortable. It's not about the destination, but the journey itself.

 

=)

[IVcents 115]

I think the thread was in response to the fact that so many men say they really enjoy seeing their wife with another man. It started with the question of whether the husband came into the LS knowing he would enjoy watching his wife being done by another man, or whether he discovered he enjoyed watching here after entering the LS.

My wife was very inhibited because of her upbringing, but once turned on, and it took her a long time,every time, to became so hot that all she wanted to do was be fucked with wild abandon and in that state of sexuality would not have cared who was fucking her, she just wanted to enjoy it. That became my fantasy arrousal, to watch her come into heat in a situation where she would not be able to resist submitting to another man and so had a clear conscience to enjoy him. It was always my fantasy to create situations where she would be naked and other men would become arroused and use her to her pleasure as if she was not morally responsible for violating her inhibitions.

With me it was about her becoming totally sexually submissive and enjoying it unincumbered by inhibitions and overwhelmed by desire.

[MikeandDawn 59]

We got into it via a FMF and then later, with the other girl's boyfriend involved. I was very nervous about what might happen that night, as the three of them had all played together prior to our marriage. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest as things got started. At the time, I thought it might be jealousy, but after everything happened (which only amounted to the girls playing for our entertainment, then having sex with our own partners) I felt disappointed that nothing had happened between Dawn and the other guy. We talked about it in bed for several weeks, then the opportunity came up for the 4 of us to play again. While it was only a soft-swap situation that night, I felt more at ease after watching Dawn sucking another guy. We had a couple more sessions with them, but now exclusively do MFM. I don't feel any anxiety about it at all, even during the times when Dawn is playing with her partner alone. We have this tremendous trust thing going on, and that's all I need. I've watched Dawn commit just about every kind of sex act with other guys and it still turns me on to this day!

[alittleconfused 65]

I watched my wife with another woman, Ive always wanted to see that.Unfortunately as it was a fmf threesome and I was the third party I found it to be distracting and wasnt as turned on as I thought Id be.Id like for the two women to go at it once while I just hang back and watch but its gonna be awhile before I talk her into that.

 

I have no urge to see her with another man, its not jelousy, its just not something Im interested in seeing.If she at some point wanted a 3some with me and another guy Id have no problem with it.

 

And when she comes back and tells me about her night after she goes out it turns me on a lot, probably more than anything else Ive done so far.And shes always horny as hell when she gets back that helps .

[magnum 78]

We have another question.

 

The friends that we have in the lifestyle talk all the time about how much they enjoy seeing their partners being turned on by another person. The males especially say they get really turned on watching their wives with another guy.

 

My husband says that he doesn't think that will be true for him. Not that he would be jealous--at least not the way we understand jealousy which we suspect usually includes a tinge of insecurity. Just that he feels it might not be comfortable for him to see. He says that there are some things that are okay with him, but he's not quite sure what his outer boundaries will be yet. That's a major reason we've decided to take this really slow, so that we can keep checking in and making sure he (and I) are okay with each new step.

 

But, as we've talked, we've wondered if other men *thought* they would also be uncomfortable seeing their wives like that, but then found that they actually got turned on by it?

 

In other words, do most men that get into the lifestyle do so already having fantasies about their wives being with someone else? Or do they get into it for other reasons and find being turned on by watching their spouse with someone else is a pleasant surprise? Or, do some of you never quite get over it and always feel a little uncomfortable?

 

I may not be the person to comment, since I am a single male. But I play with a couple and the husband would love it if I woulod fuck his wife everyday. He love's to see his wife suck my cock and watch my cock slide in and out of her nice shaved pussy...I just wanted to throw that/this in for what ever it is worth...Cheers

[JM153 346]

I did not know what my reaction would be the first time I saw her with another man. I did have a fantasy about her with another, but it was not seeing them together rather it was her having uninhibited pleasure. When it did happen I really was not aware of what was happening on that side of the bed. Since then sometimes when we are together in the same room I am very aware of her enjoyment and sometimes I am not so aware. When we have done MFM's what turns me on is watching her reaction to the other man not the visual of them actually having sex.

 

I do have a suggestion for you and your husband. Come up with a safe word that when uttered means STOP RIGHT NOW. That way if either of you are too uncomfortable with what is going on - be it fondling or intercourse you can put a stop to it right then and there. With it prearranged and agreed on then neither of you should feel bad about using it or it being used.