Felt used by FWB couple at club...

[sherpa56 15]

My SO and I (him) have for many weeks/months been talking about swinging, brought about from the fact that we didn't want to get bored with sex in any way. We are in our late 40's and find the thought of seeing each other turned on with someone else made us very interested in this lifestyle. So to make a long story short, we went to one of the more popular clubs here in CA (SO CA in fact). We both had no idea what to expect and in as much when we showed up, were taken on a tour. That was great. But didn't really have anyone in the seating area introduce themselves. So we went into an area after checking on the place that only couples can go and play, no singles (this place doesn't allow single men at all). After a couple of hours playing by ourselves, a couple (in there late 20's early 30's) came next to us and started watching. It only took about 5 mins before they too were turned on by what we were doing to each other. They asked if they could join in and we both looked at each other and said sure. We all touched each other and after a short period my girl and the other guy were paired off. My girl and I had said we didn't want to play without each other there, so we were within touching distance of one and the other (me and her). So here comes the point.... I was watching them having intercourse and kinda lost track of what the woman with me wanted to do. I was more interested in watching my girl and this guy. At first I got a major hard on and the woman that was (at this point) giving me a BJ was surprised that I could get that hard and must have been a bit bigger than her man (as she mentioned, I wasn't flattered though for some reason) but after trying to refocus on her, I started to ask how long they had been married (assuming they were but didn't know for sure). She said they weren't but just friends with benefits. And sometimes they go home with different people and did I want to try that.... Now I don't tend to make knee jerk reactions, but for what ever reason, was totally put off by this. I almost called it quits with them but my girl seemed to be enjoying herself. So I let them finished and then asked that they let us play alone again. They did with out any problem, but I felt really pissed or more so like he used my girl for just a piece of ass. To me this was a guy just talking a girl into going to a swing club to score on someone else's woman with out any connection to his FWB.... My girl said I should have stopped him if I was feeling that... But after we talked a little more came to a agreement not to play with anyone not committed to each other. Whether its a married couple or not, just be committed to one and the other. Later on that night, picturing them having sex was a major turn on still and we went after it until morning. So..... did I over react ??? My girl and I are very committed and love each other more than ever before so I'm OK with still going to swing parties and the like. Again it was a major turn on watching her but I just didn't like the fact they (the other couple) weren't really into each other.

Comments please.... !!!!!!

[VegasLee 1,486]

Personally I feel you are making a lot of something out of nothing.

 

Bottom line is they came as a couple. They are friends with benefits. No one lied to you.

 

No one was used, his women was also playing with you even though it appears you where not interested in playing with her by your description of events.

 

Who was hurt? Who was deceived? Who did not have a good time at the time that was interested in having a good time?

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Yep, you are over reacting.

 

You were approached by a couple that you knew nothing about in an on premise swingers club. You did not ask any questions until you were "engaged" so that one falls on you.

 

I can certainly think of things I would have preferred to have known about them before playing far more important than them being in a committed relationship with each other.

 

As for them being committed to each other. Unless they are together as FWB because they are cheating on their spouses, then I don't really have a problem, with it, assuming they were honest about it. I don't see it much differently than being with a SM or SF in a threesome, except there is now a 4th involved. If you had been in a threesome with a SM and a SF, with no connection to the SM, walked up and asked if she could join in, would you have been upset? Would you have said no?

 

I know some people have a problem with SM/SF because of potential emotional connections that may develop. I was guilty of this to some degree in the past, but I started thinking about it. After some thought I realized that our relationship is about us, and us alone. Unless we have a weak relationship we shouldn't be worried about a single causing problems. And if we feel that any single could come between us, then we need to re-evaluate being in the LS, not just playing with singles.

[Chicup 42]

You are over reacting.

 

We prefer married couples and early in our swinging were completely against non married couples, because we wanted to be 'even' with them so to speak.

 

That being said they did nothing wrong, I'd be a more pissed if they were FWB who said they were married and I later found out they were not. They were up front about it, you just didn't account for that possibility.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Agree with both posts above. If both were attractive and both were equally willing then no harm/no foul because they were honest and upfront when asked.

 

The exception is if the guy used the girl to get in the club and then was trying to connect with couples as single male without the womans involvement.

 

Outside of club play I think differently.

 

As a couple looking for others through SLS or one of the other sites I would be put off by this couple for the reasons stated above. Chance of attachment, jealousy, and a hundred other reasons.

[bbarnsworth 2,653]

I agree with Coupleerotic22 and VegasLee (edit: and more; the posts were rolling in fast!). The person you need to be looking at for the cause of your reaction is...you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad though. Hang with me a sec

 

You found out, unfortunately the hard way, that playing with uncommitted couples isn't something you want to do. The other couple didn't lie to you, they didn't attempt to deceive you. They gave you exactly what you asked for. You found out while things were going on that it wasn't what you THOUGHT it was, but they made no effort to deceive you. You can't expect a couple to answer a question you haven't asked.

 

If playing with uncommitted couples isn't your thing, that's perfectly fine. Lots of swingers have the very same rule/preference. No problem with it at all.

 

I would suggest though; you were very distracted by your wife having sex with another man. You might try MFMs for a few times. I've done many MFMs with my wife, and it's a hell of a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun playing with couples too, but it's very different. I don't get to enjoy my wife's pleasure anywhere near as much.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

I know some people have a problem with SM/SF because of potential emotional connections that may develop. I was guilty of this to some degree in the past, but I started thinking about it. After some thought I realized that our relationship is about us, and us alone. Unless we have a weak relationship we shouldn't be worried about a single causing problems. And if we feel that any single could come between us, then we need to re-evaluate being in the LS, not just playing with singles.

Although this tidbit doesn't particularly focus on the OP's issue, it is such platinum wisdom that I think it's worthy of repeating.

 

LM

[sweet_tna 680]

Add one more to the, "Yes, you're overreacting," column. Yes, it may have been disappointing to learn that the couple with whom you were playing were not committed to each other. However, they did not lie to you. If that's your issue, then it's something you should find out before engaging in play.

 

I get the impression that you did not know this would be an issue until it happened--in which case, it's understandable that you'd be a bit miffed about it. But no one was hurt, and everyone seemed to be having fun for the most part, so let it go. You've already talked to your SO about how you feel, and have established a rule to avoid this situation in the future, which is good.

 

Sometimes, you have to just take your lumps, learn your lesson, and move on. This is supposed to be FUN, after all.

 

=)

[Tina and Bob 236]

Well I pretty much agree with all previous posts, you are overreacting. The fact that you found it as a turn-on and your female half did not complain or feel the same as you should tell you something. My biggest concern with the guy would be did he wear protection? If he didn't and you and your partner allowed it,that would be the bigger issue here. Just my thoughts, Tina

[LFM2 1,482]

Hi Sherpa56. Welcome to our Swingers Board.

 

I have to echo the others here.

 

When we go on a date, to a M&G, house party or whatever and am playing with another, aren't we in a way, just using each other? We're both getting something out of the playtime, just as your wife and he was getting something out of their playtime. There's nothing emotional about it, just sex. Different sex. Different motions, different partner, a different physical feel.

 

We have a couple (both happily single) we play with occasionally, but they play separately as well; it doesn't and shouldn't matter as long as everyone has fun. It's their choice to not be committed and it's our choice to play with them knowing they're not committed. We know that this couple happens to do a lot of social stuff together as well, not just swinging.

 

It's your choice (and never let anyone talk you into something you're not comfortable doing) if you don't want to play with singles, but really, that should have been discussed before anybody was playing at all.

[lizandtom 512]

Sherpa, welcome to the world of swinging. Before long you will see many 'committed' couples become 'uncommitted,' lots of them for one reason or another. Enjoy who you can while you can and don't overthink it, just have fun.

[JM153 346]

Sherpa, are you being a little hypocritical? Did you tell them that you were not married? What if they had been married and assumed you were - should they be upset that you did not tell them before you started playing?

 

As you gain experience you should expect to find that some of the things you think are going to be important are not and some things you do not think will be important will be. You also will probably find things that you have never thought about that turn out to be important to you. In the LS you will find you are happiest if you are not judging others motives, but rather evaluating actions and how they fit your boundaries. So, my advice as to how to handle this is to not focus on the other couple's motives, but rather on whether the fact that your playmates are committed is important to either you or your SO and if so add it to your requirements for playmates. Do this with everything that happens and you will find the LS much more rewarding.

[Swing*8701 887]

The place for questions that you may not like the answers to is not when she's having intercourse and you're getting a blowjob. At that point, you're pretty much in it for the sex. As lawyers say, once you're deep into the trial, don't ask questions you don't already know the answers too.

 

Coco Channel was questioned about having an affair with a Nazi.She replied to the French tribunal," I was 52 with limited opportunities. He was 30 and I didn't ask him his politics." They never inquired further.

[RDfnd 180]

Hi sherpa56,

 

Here's my read on your experience.

 

Commitment is such a vague term.

 

Some married couples have open relationships that would be accepting of going home with others. As this unmarried couple was.

 

Two unmarried couples decide to play. All involved seem to have had equal opportunities. For certain it's not uncommon to get distracted by watching your partner. But starting a question and answer session after things got started?

 

We find that swinging experiences for us are in the present. A couple or single is present, we are present, agreement to play and game on.

 

If for you, other requirements exist, then they should be discussed beforehand.

[sherpa56 15]

Ok, so first off I want to thank everyone who responded. And after thinking long and hard, I felt (like pretty much everyone here), I over reacted. Like most who play this lifestyle, I realize that you can't really get butt hurt if you go and swap with someone other than your SO..... No matter what status in thier relationship they have. I felt just a little overwhelmed I think because this all happened so fast. I really didn't think we would actually hook up the first time we went to the night club. Surprise was on me I guess. And since then we have been contacted by many wanting to hook up and possibly full swap. Kinda flattering I guess...... So all is good in Sherpa land, and want to say "thanks" again to you all.....

[sherpa56 15]

Well I pretty much agree with all previous posts, you are overreacting. The fact that you found it as a turn-on and your female half did not complain or feel the same as you should tell you something. My biggest concern with the guy would be did he wear protection? If he didn't and you and your partner allowed it,that would be the bigger issue here. Just my thoughts, Tina

 

Good point Tina; and yes we always wear protection or we don't play....