Playmate friend asked me for a loan

[hardrockers70 16]

Okay. We have a couple we play with a lot, and they have had a run of financial problems lately. Other guy was laid off, had to take a minimum wage job, wife was in bad car accident and is waiting a disability decision, they have several kids etc.

 

Recently, wife emails me and asks me for a loan. She insists she will pay it back in a month. Good idea or no? Jokingly, I told her they could be our sex slaves until she pays us back, but I have not yet decided what to do.

 

We are friends with this couple both in and out of the bedroom. Am I playing with fire if I give her the loan?

 

Mrs. HR

[prometheius 137]

From personal experience, my take is that business and pleasure don't mix. Friends and money often soon part.

[slevin 1,374]

My policy when lending money to friends is to only lend an amount that I don't care if I ever see again. So if the amount is such that you don't care at all whether you actually get it back, then consider it a gift and give it to them. Otherwise, don't do it. As prometheius mentioned, that will just put a strain on your friendship. Not to mention your sexual relationship with them.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

only lend an amount that I don't care if I ever see again.

 

Sage advice.

 

I would just give them the money, again no more than the amount that you don't care to get back. If they insist it is a loan, i.e. don't want to feel like you are giving them charity, fine. Tell them they can pay you when you can, but I would would treat it like a gift in your mind.

 

Don't be surprised if they spend the money in ways you don't think is appropriate or start spending money on other things before they pay you back.

 

Money lending tends to change personal dynamics in ways you can never foresee.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

From personal experience, my take is that business and pleasure don't mix. Friends and money often soon part.

Yes.

My policy when lending money to friends is to only lend an amount that I don't care if I ever see again. So if the amount is such that you don't care at all whether you actually get it back, then consider it a gift and give it to them.

Yes.

 

Don't be surprised if they spend the money in ways you don't think is appropriate or start spending money on other things before they pay you back.

 

Money lending tends to change personal dynamics in ways you can never foresee.

....and yes.

 

Three replies, three excellent pieces of wisdom.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

...She insists she will pay it back in a month.

 

Mrs. HR

If she doesn't have the money now, she won't have it in another month.

 

Considering their situation, as you've described it, it will be months if not years of working through the money issues that have arisen.

 

LM

[Chicup 41]

If you want to know someones true character, loan them money.

[padoc 1,703]

You don't boink the loan officer at your bank do you? You probably shouldn't loan money to someone you've played with. Mixing money and sex is generally not a good idea. Of course, if you don't make the loan, sex with those folks may be out of the question. I think its just a bad idea from every angle.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

There's soooo many ways this can go wrong.

 

I 100% agree with Slevin. It's fine to loan the money...so long as you have zero expectation it will ever be repaid. We once loaned money to a woman who was fleeing...literally...a man who was possibly going to attempt to kill her. We gave her a ton of support and help in addition to the money. We've never see a penny of the money, and she ended up getting back together with the idiot. We don't care about losing the money; we figured it was gone as soon as we gave it to her. But, we felt it was necessary. What we were upset about is the amount of effort we went through to help her through a serious crisis...for naught. But the lesson there is what we think of a crisis, what we think needs action in other people...isn't.

 

Don't get tied up in their crisis. It's not worth it. Give the money if you like, but leave it at that.

 

Here's a really nasty way this could turn out. A few months down the road, after some gentle requests for them to repay you, one of them says "Look, we don't have the money and don't appreciate you badgering us about it. Want to see what it's like? Let me tell your employers what you do for kicks when you're not at work!"

 

Fun, huh?

[Alura 2,774]

It's always good to help out someone whose welfare you care about, if you can afford it. Most folks are pretty desperate when they ask a friend for money. Be as generous as you can.

 

"Here, Mrs. Playmate, don't worry about the 30 days. We do want to help y'all, but this is all we can afford. Things will soon get better for y'all. When they do, or when we have luck just as bad, you can pay us back, but don't let it mess up our friendship. How about a playdate on Saturday night? We'll try to make y'all forget your financial troubles..."

 

Eliminate any or all sentences. It's just the way I'd do it.

 

Alura

[Alura 2,774]

It just occured to me that I wasn't much help in the above post to someone who couldn't afford the gift. Here's my take on that:

 

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Playmate. Mrs. Swinger and I talked about it. The only place we could raise the money would be from the boy's college funds, and we've pledged to each other not to touch it. How about a playdate ... make you forget your troubles, at least for a while."

 

Alura

[hardrockers70 16]

Alura: I like that reply. I have sent her an email telling her I can only afford a couple hundred bucks, she hasn't replied yet. I do feel sorry for them but like someone else said, I can't go broke myself and can't save the world either.

 

Although, on the same token, I have had many friends who helped me out of tough spots too, whether it was a loan or just emotional support. I just don't want to do the wrong thing, you know?

 

Thanks for all the feedback!

 

Mrs. HR

[Alura 2,774]

It's a good feeling when you can help a friend, isnt it, Mrs. HR?

 

I was once broke in (of all places!) New Delhi, India and a war was about to break out! A friend in Germany sent me $400, making a return trip to Europe possible. I couldn't pay him back fast enough!

 

Good decision! I'm proud of y'all!

 

Alura

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Even if they weren't playmates you'd be playing with fire. Think about how you'd feel being around someone you owe money too, now put them in your shoes... now add sex to the mix. Now, think about how you'd feel if you owed money to someone that you occasionally had sex with... would it make it more difficult to say you weren't up for playing? Would you maybe avoid them?

 

We've made it a policy to not give loans (period). If someone we know needs help and we can help them we will give them the help, but not as a loan, as a gift. However, with swinging involved, I'd have to be really really good friends to even give that kind of gift (I'm just seeing too many ways that would go awkward).

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Just read that you already offered to help them out. Here's hoping that it doesn't lead to any awkwardness. I'd try to make it very clear that there's no expectation of repayment (perhaps even suggest that they "pay it forward" instead of paying it back).

[Baconheads 432]

My policy when lending money to friends is to only lend an amount that I don't care if I ever see again. So if the amount is such that you don't care at all whether you actually get it back, then consider it a gift and give it to them. Otherwise, don't do it. As prometheius mentioned, that will just put a strain on your friendship. Not to mention your sexual relationship with them.

 

Agreed

[PnJDay 48]

I can say that I have never loaned money and gotten it back. When I have hard feelings have developed and/or the other person just drifted away from me- I guess out of guilt. Either way I lost a friend:(

I agree with "Pay it Forward". Works for me:kissface:

[exploringRM 305]

Perhaps too late since you have emailed already but are there other ways you can help? Maybe prepare a few meals, invite them over or just take them out to dinner. Can you offer to assist with watching the kids while the guy goes on a job interview. Or perhaps ask them what they need (clothing, items for the kids) and purchase something as a gift? That might minimize some of the awkwardness?

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I recently was in the same situation. I lent the amount that I could afford to lose. And considered it my Christmas charity if it didn't get repaid. They did repay promptly. When I gave it to them I asked them to never ask me again. I firmly told them it makes me uncomfortable and this was a one time only thing.

 

I don't expect to be asked again.