Wanting to join the swinging fun but have herpes

[justenjoyinlife 19]

We are a happily married couple, been married over 20 years. He's 42 and I'm 41 and we have been talking about adding to our sex life for years and have finally decided to take the plunge. However I have herpes (got it as a teen wrong place wrong time) and thankfully hubby has not been infected with it. I was wondering what we can expect from the Swinger community and how we should go about taking the first step into the life.

 

We had started last year by meeting a couple hubby had meet on another swinger website and met them and hit it off, unfortunately when they found out I had it ended there and we haven't tried again since. Any tips and info you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Kudos for being honest.

 

It is also important that you continue to be honest. I would be off the hook mad if I found out someone lied to us about an STD.

 

That said, I think you are going to find it an up hill battle to find playmates. It is possible that there are others out there that have the same condition and are willing to play. I am not sure if there is a resource out there that caters to swingers with STD's. It might be worth the search.

[Chicup 41]

HSV 1 or HSV 2?

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Have you tried looking or even considered looking for swingers who openly admit they have the virus ?

 

If we knew of such information (that we had it) it would be in our many adult swinger profiles. We would rather someone contact us, knowing, than tell all on a date.

 

I also noticed SLS has many HSV groups on their site also.

 

I think it's becoming more common than people admit to.

[justenjoyinlife 19]

HSV 1 or HSV 2?

 

HSV2

[justenjoyinlife 19]

fun4Ds said:

Have you tried looking or even considered looking for swingers who openly admit they have the virus ?

 

If we knew of such information (that we had it) it would be in our many adult swinger profiles. We would rather someone contact us, knowing, than tell all on a date.

 

EDIT : I just Googled "Swingers with HSV" Here is a link to an HSV friendly site. I also noticed SLS has many HSV groups on their site also.

 

I think it's becoming more common than people admit to.

 

thank you Fun

[JM153 346]

I also applaud you for being honest and I also think it will be hard to find partners. Do you know when you have sores? Many people report they always know when the infection is active. It is at this time you are most likely to infect another and should not play at all. At other times there is still the possibility, although greatly reduced, to transmit the virus. This can be minimized by not engaging in oral and always using a condom. Some people have reported significant reduction of frequency of outbreaks after a regimen of Valacyclovir every other month for a year. You might talk to your Doctor about this. It really is a bummer of a virus. Wish you luck in finding partners.

[justenjoyinlife 19]

I also applaud you for being honest and I also think it will be hard to find partners. Do you know when you have sores? Many people report they always know when the infection is active. It is at this time you are most likely to infect another and should not play at all. At other times there is still the possibility, although greatly reduced, to transmit the virus. This can be minimized by not engaging in oral and always using a condom. Some people have reported significant reduction of frequency of outbreaks after a regimen of Valacyclovir every other month for a year. You might talk to your Doctor about this. It really is a bummer of a virus. Wish you luck in finding partners.

 

Yes I can tell when an outbreak is coming on and never have any sexual contact during that time. I haven't had an outbreak in years i have had it for 21 years. What people don't realize, and it is silly the way people treat it, is that COLD SORES ARE HERPES HSV1, and it is said that over 50% (some studies say up to 90%) of the population has it, and it can be transmitted to the genital region, even if you don't have a active cold sore. But no one thinks twice about it.

[JM153 346]

It seems to me you have two questions to answer - one ethical and the other medical. I suggest you find the best expert on Herpes in your area and talk to them about the risk of you infecting another in light of the fact that you know when there is an outbreak and you have not had one in years. Then armed with that information you need to make the ethical decision as to whether you tell your potential partners or not. I believe most of us on this board would say you should tell them and most would decline to play. The problem with Herpes, of course, is that it is not an STD you can take a shot and get rid of. On the other hand, it is normally not a very debilitating disease and the effects can be treated.

[bbarnsworth 2,637]

As a couple of others above have said, be honest about it in your profile. It WILL reduce the number of people who contact you. But, that's not a bad thing in this case; the people who DO contact you either (a) didn't read your profile at all or (b) read it and still wanted to contact you anyways. Either way, you're greatly reducing the number of people who contact you who will not play with you because you have HSV2.

 

I'm sure it will be an uphill battle. But, as common as it is, I'm sure there's plenty of swingers who have HSV2. It's just a matter of finding that niche and learning how to connect with that niche.

[Lascivious L&L 866]

This is where swingers are poorly informed and in some denial. HSV-2 infects about 25% of all adults. It is likely a higher percentage in swingers. HSV-1 infects close to 60% of adults. Taken together herpes is the rule among adults, not the exception.

 

That you haven't had an outbreak in years suggests your body has sequestered the virus and you are not infectious. Sure there is always a theoretical possibility of you being infectious, but a very small one. We've met more than one couple with cold sores visible and obviously infectious. No one should play when sores are present.

 

The question of whether to announce your dormant infection is not an easy one. Most of the people you will play with have either HSV-1 or 2. Most of them don't know it. So should you be the one to announce you have it when most people do also? Only you can decide.

[truckerbuddy 127]

FROM THE CDC.

 

How common is genital herpes?

Results of a nationally representative study show that genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people 14 to 49 years of age have genital HSV-2 infection. Over the past decade, the percentage of Americans with genital herpes infection in the U.S. has remained stable.

 

Genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of five women 14 to 49 years of age) than in men (about one out of nine men 14 to 49 years of age). Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely than from an infected female to her male partner.

 

STD Facts - Genital Herpes

[Lascivious L&L 866]

The latest study from the CDC that I could find, 1999 to 2004, was the one with the figures quoted above. HSV-2 incidence from age 16 to 49 was 17%. However the incidence rises with age to 26.3% for ages 40 to 49. It also rises with number of sexual partners from 3.8% for one to 39.9% for 50 or more partners.

 

HSV-1 was far more prevalent at 57.7% of the population aged from 16 to 49. HSV-1 can be sexually transmitted. The percentage in the study who were seronegative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2 was only 35.4% of the population. So just a little more than a third of the population is free from herpes. Almost two thirds have herpes.

 

Shall I write that again? ALMOST TWO THIRDS OF THE POPULATION HAS HERPES.

 

This study is about the general population. Herpes incidence increases with age and number of sexual partners. So in the swinging population we can expect a greater incidence of herpes.

 

Trends in Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 and Type 2 Seroprevalence in the United States, August 23/30, 2006, Xu et al. 296 (8): 964 — JAMA

[justenjoyinlife 19]

I found this VERY informative and easy to understand article at Herpes.com if anyone is interested

 

Herpes HSV-1 & HSV-2

[justenjoyinlife 19]

Lascivious L&L said:

The latest study from the CDC that I could find, 1999 to 2004, was the one with the figures quoted above. HSV-2 incidence from age 16 to 49 was 17%. However the incidence rises with age to 26.3% for ages 40 to 49. It also rises with number of sexual partners from 3.8% for one to 39.9% for 50 or more partners.

 

HSV-1 was far more prevalent at 57.7% of the population aged from 16 to 49. HSV-1 can be sexually transmitted. The percentage in the study who were seronegative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2 was only 35.4% of the population. So just a little more than a third of the population is free from herpes. Almost two thirds have herpes.

 

Shall I write that again? ALMOST TWO THIRDS OF THE POPULATION HAS HERPES.

 

This study is about the general population. Herpes incidence increases with age and number of sexual partners. So in the swinging population we can expect a greater incidence of herpes.

 

Trends in Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 and Type 2 Seroprevalence in the United States, August 23/30, 2006, Xu et al. 296 (8): 964 — JAMA

 

And this was in studies ending in 2004 imagine what the numbers are like now

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This is where swingers are poorly informed and in some denial. HSV-2 infects about 25% of all adults. It is likely a higher percentage in swingers. HSV-1 infects close to 60% of adults. Taken together herpes is the rule among adults, not the exception.

 

That you haven't had an outbreak in years suggests your body has sequestered the virus and you are not infectious. Sure there is always a theoretical possibility of you being infectious, but a very small one. We've met more than one couple with cold sores visible and obviously infectious. No one should play when sores are present.

 

The question of whether to announce your dormant infection is not an easy one. Most of the people you will play with have either HSV-1 or 2. Most of them don't know it. So should you be the one to announce you have it when most people do also? Only you can decide.

 

Have to agree completely here. The easiest thing would be to just be honest and look for others who already know they have it and therefore won't have an issue.

[Angie an Charle 35]

We are a happily married couple been married over 20 years. He's 42 and I'm 41 and we have been talking about adding to our sex life for years and have finally decided to take the plunge. However I have herpes (got it as a teen wrong place wrong time) and thankfully hubby has not been infected with it. I was wondering what we can expect from the Swinger community and how we should go about taking the first step into the life.

 

We had started last year by meeting a couple hubby had met on another swinger website and met them and hit it off, unfortunately when they found out I had it ended there and we haven't tried again since. Any tips and info you can give me would be greatly appreciated

 

(Charles here)

Congrats on your honesty, is a pleasure to hear it is still alive. With an STD many have a hard time with being honest, not just in the swinging lifestyle, but in all of life. I am & have always been a people person & can never stop meeting people, just who I have always been. I can fly, drive or go on a cruise & make many acquaintances with several remaining in contact for years to come, additionally my professions, (more than one) as well is keeps me constantly meeting new people. Because of my life experiences & known for never judging people regardless of what may be discussed, I get to learn, (at times more than I care to, lol), a great deal about a person's life. STD's have come up a number of times, how to tell another, why a person dumped them for being honest, should they tell another, etc etc.

 

One just does not put out a public announcement they have STD(s), but it is something that if one plans on engaging in sex with another it should be discussed prior, surely NOT after. If the person one tells gets up & runs, make an excuse to leave early, avoids further advances on sex, that is their problem or choice, said in 2 ways because how they react determines problem or choice.

 

Keep in mind, at least you were honest with the other person before hand, never feel bad about being honest & you cannot control responses of another, so never let how they respond upset you.

 

Keep in mind they may need time to give anything further consideration & should. Sometimes us men, depending when you tell us something, (horny or not) depends how we will react. lol, but hopefully all will respect your honesty first & foremost.

In your situation, you are married & have a life partner & the best thing is you say happily married for over 20 years, again congratulations on this, I believe this is awesome to hear. I have a great deal of respect for anyone who respect being married above all else. I was married for 30 years before loosing my wife to illness. I cannot even put into words what that did to me. The love, life, & happiness we shared, I cannot say enough about me respect for married life. Now, married again to one I truly believe I will spend the rest of my life with will never replace my late wife, only time & repeating that all again could come close, yet we all know we can never return to our youth & begin again. Never believing I would feel as excited about married life again then meeting & sharing life with Angie, to me, it is as if my late wife personally picked Angie for me to share life with. I guess i am getting off track here, sorry.

 

My point is cherish your honesty & hang on to it, there are many ways you can add spice to your married life while all involved remain safe. The info that is available today makes it easy. I am sure you have already, but if not speak with your doctor first. lol, you may not want to mention you both are thinking of swinging, but you can approach the subject in a way that while not needed, in the event something happened to your hubby, you would like to learn all you can about your particular situation & safety with another. One reason you may be comfortable with your openness & honesty is because of what you have learned about your situation, the rest is just because of it being who you are as a person.

 

For the spice part, there is a lot of teasing & fantasy you both could add without actually having another have sex with either of you. When my late & wife use to swing on a regular bases there are times & or others who just wanted to watch, hear, or they have sex with their partner in the same room as us. No actual sex other than each of us with our own partner. You both are only limited by the imagination you each set. Because we wanted to be sure of the people we chose to share with, before actually having sex with them, we took our time. Today with the internet and places as this, it is a bit easier to learn about others, yet none the less we each should still be certain before jumping in bed with another. You can bet if someone will do something with you that should not be, it is because they have with others before. We cannot blame another for something we chose to do freely. From Angie & I talking about when my late wife & I use to swing & what we share in the way of sex, Angie believes she would like to experiment, give it a try, yet not sure to what degree at this time. I am sure in no time she will decide what she is comfortable with & we will go from there.

 

It is OUR choice to what we each want to share as a couple, her choice to decide to or NOT to and she knows regardless of everything else anytime she chooses to stop, it or we will STOP, because us, our marriage is first and foremost.

 

Let me end this before I write a book here.

 

You have demonstrated you can be honest & open, explore more with your imagination together & with others willing to try, (I promise you, there are those out here willing to do so much without actually having sex, penetration, or even touching). find some good sites for info in the event of being asked that you may direct someone to that would be helpful. Safety is a must always and for all.

 

Best to you both, congrats again on your marriage, and hopefully I did not get to side traced with needless rambling. If you have the need to or just would like, please feel free to send me or us a private message regarding further questions or just to chat.

[justenjoyinlife 19]

Thanks for the input Charles, I appreciate it. Right now we are exploring our limits and what we feel comfortable with, and have told a couple of people and some have totally cut off contact while other have become friends only and that was expected. We have still having fun at parties and getting to know people and trying to stay optimistic.

[Angie an Charle 35]

Thanks for the input Charles, I appreciate it. Right now we are exploring our limits and what we feel comfortable with, and have told a couple of people and some have totally cut off contact while other have become friends only and that was expected. We have still having fun at parties and getting to know people and trying to stay optimistic.

 

You are most welcome. And again, thanks for your honesty.

People are who they are.

Exploring is half the fun, the other half is the fun you have while exploring!

enjoy, be happy, & most of all, have fun being happy.

[Kaptman 15]

I recently found out I had it as well. Pretty sure I got it from a swinging friend. I knew the risks. Anyway, since I have had it I have talked to a few friends and surprisingly found out that a few of them have it as well. Also a friend who isn't very promiscuous also found out she had it. I had regular tests for std's and had been clean. However, they do not test for herpes and many people have it and are unaware. But there is fun after herpes!

[justenjoyinlife 19]

I recently found out I had it as well. Pretty sure I got it from a swinging friend. I knew the risks. Anyway, since I have had it I have talked to a few friends and surprisingly found out that a few of them have it as well. Also a friend who isn't very promiscuous also found out she had it. I had regular tests for std's and had been clean. However, they do not test for herpes and many people have it and are unaware. But there is fun after herpes!

 

Unless you specifically ask for it they don't normally test for HSV and i think if they did that the number of people with it would be a lot higher.

[wisconsin 58]

They didn't even do a blood test until about 5 years ago. It was only culture test from the lesions. So if you were asymptomatic they wouldn't test you.

 

We have friends and they admitted that she is got it. She never knew she had it because infection stayed dormant and she never had active lesion stage. So she had no clue that she has it. Her kids were born just fine without any complication and her Doc. said that probably she got it many years ago, maybe 20.

 

She had kids and was tested for STD's but wasn't tested for herpes since she never had symptoms.

 

Her regular partner is negative. I agree most people have it and have no clue that they have it, especially if they play bareback. I don't think their immune system can fight it off. Well, we do have some Docs and microbiologists here so I will let them discuss it.

 

They are very nice couple and too bad they have it because we would have played with them. Oh well, maybe I can play with her hubby since he is negative.

[JM153 346]

Hey Wisconsin, you didn't say, but have you and your husband been tested. IF not, one or both of you could also have asymptomatic herpes and then you might feel more inclined to play with this couple.

[justenjoyinlife 19]

They didn't even do a blood test until about 5 years ago. It was only culture test from the lesions. So if you were asymptomatic they wouldn't test you.

We have friends and they admitted that she got it. She never knew she had it because infection stayed dormant and she never had active lesion stage. So she had no clue that she has it. Her kids were born just fine without any complication and her Doc. said that probably she got it many years ago, maybe 20.

 

She had kids and was tested for STD's but wasn't tested for herpes since she never had symptoms.

 

Her regular partner is negative. I agree most people have it and have no clue that they have it, especially if they play bareback. I don't think their immune system can fight it off. Well, we do have some Docs and microbiologists here so I will let them discuss it.

They are very nice couple and too bad they have it because we would have played with them. Oh well, maybe I can play with her hubby since he is negative.

 

You brought up a good point with the kids issue. I am thinking of having my kids tested for HSV specifically to see if it was passed on while I was pregnant. I didn't have any complications either with my kids but I'm curious to see if it was passed on.

[wisconsin 58]

JM153

Lol, yes we have and we are negative. Just recently BTW. Honestly we only have played without condoms with two people for the duration of our marriage 19 years. For me it was my hubby and my BF and for him it was just me.

 

Maybe we could just put condoms on, play with this couple and not worry about it, since he is negative and she doesn't have active lesions?

 

I wonder how many people we all come across anyway when they don't have lesions and we do oral on them?

[wisconsin 58]

justenjoyinlife

 

I wouldn't worry about kids, relax. Usually it shows up first time when you get it. Sometimes people don't remember about it because they had it many years ago and didn't know what is was at that time. You would have seen it on your kids. It's my opinion but there are other people who think otherwise.

[wisconsin 58]

Wanted to add something to my previous posts but can't so will make a new reply.

 

I read recently that 1 out 4 women and 1 out of 8 men have herpes. It's from herpes.com.

 

Genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of four women) than in men (almost one out of eight). This may be due to male-to-female transmission being more likely than female-to-male transmission.

 

So what are the odds of people who participate in bareback gangbang not to contract the virus when they have 7- 10 men participating there?

 

Those men are young, middle-aged, confident individuals who fuck around quite a bit. They are mostly not married and they feel free to play whoever they want play with.

 

Why in a world you would think they are not having HSV?

 

Anytime we play with a single guy he would never has condoms with him and we always have to supply them.

 

How many times when I ask about a condom he would say "If you want I can put it on".

 

How many times we saw people playing with a strangers in a club without protection.

 

Our theory is we do what we can to protect ourselves but if we get something we will deal with it when it comes. Honestly I believe it's more of a annoyance then a serious condition. People don't die from it and it barely affects quality of their lives. We work in health care and don't get scared that easily.

 

WE saw quite a few ads in our area with people openly admitting it. They don't have certs though (I wonder why?) but I am sure they still find their fun.

[Tina and Bob 236]

When Bob and I get tested we ask for all the tests to be conducted. It's more expensive, but well worth the peace of mind.

[slevin 1,374]

They didn't even do a blood test until about 5 years ago. It was only culture test from the lesions. So if you were asymptomatic they wouldn't test you.

 

This was because until recently the blood tests for HSV were not totally reliable. There was a chance that you'd get false positives by having been exposed to HSV, but not actually have HSV. That is still a possibility, but the tests are a lot better now. It's also why they still don't frequently include HSV in a standard STD test.

[wisconsin 58]

Let's talk about it more.

 

With herpes, there is no "exposed but don't have it". That's a cute little term doctors sometimes use to say you've got HSV, but you haven't had any outbreaks. That means the person has the virus, he/she COULD have outbreaks, and she COULD shed the virus, but at the moment she/he asymptomatic. The vast majority of people who have herpes are asymptomatic and will never even know they have it unless they have symptoms.This is actually a quote and I kind of agree with it. Unless their numbers are really low like close to 1.0 where more then 1.0 considered positive.

 

People are being tested for antibodies and their bodies built up antibodies in order to fight off the virus.It's a normal immune process.

 

Are there false positive results? Any blood test has a false positive result.

 

Too bad haven't seen Chicup for a while. He would probably make it more clear being a microbiologist.

 

They don't put it in a STD panel quite often it's true.

[slevin 1,374]

Let's talk about it more.

 

With herpes, there is no "exposed but don't have it". That's a cute little term doctors sometimes use to say you've got HSV, but you haven't had any outbreaks. That means the person has the virus, he/she COULD have outbreaks, and she COULD shed the virus, but at the moment she/he asymptomatic. The vast majority of people who have herpes are asymptomatic and will never even know they have it unless they have symptoms.This is actually a quote and I kind of agree with it. Unless their numbers are really low like close to 1.0 where more then 1.0 considered positive.

 

People are being tested for antibodies and their bodies built up antibodies in order to fight off the virus.It's a normal immune process.

 

Are there false positive results? Any blood test has a false positive result.

 

Too bad haven't seen Chicup for a while. He would probably make it more clear being a microbiologist.

 

They don't put it in a STD panel quite often it's true.

 

I am pretty sure Chicup agrees with me on this. Maybe if we say his name three times he will appear

 

From the research I have done it is definitely possible to have been exposed to HSV, have antibodies in your bloodstream and not actually have HSV. My research could be flawed, but that is what I've found.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

If your blood test is positive you have herpes. You may never have symptoms but you carry the virus and could pass it on.

 

During the first outbreak the blood test is often negative because your body hasn't had time to produce antibodies yet. The culture will be positive. After a couple months your blood work will be positive.

 

Even if you ask to be tested "for everything" you may not be tested for herpes unless you ask for the IgG hsv blood test. It's broken down into type 1 and 2. It is quite expensive. The other problem is that if you're hsv positive with no symptoms it's kind of a catch 22. You wouldn't know when or where you acquired it (it could have been 20 years ago.) You wouldn't be a candidate for suppressive medication because you have no outbreaks. Would you tell all your past swing partners? Would you keep swinging? Would you start using condoms with your spouse?

[slevin 1,374]

Good times and Chicup explain what I'm trying to say better than I can:

 

Herpes - Are we all kidding ourselves?

[wisconsin 58]

Dear Slevin, this is a quote from Goodtimes that you mention:

 

"As far as testing goes, you can get both a false negative and a semi-false positive for HSV. What I mean by "semi-false positive" is, the blood tests can only prove you have been exposed to it, it can't tell you if you are infected or not. It is possible to be exposed to it and have antibodies in your system, but not be infected in the sense that you could have an outbreak or pass it on to someone else, from what I understand. This is the reason why the medical community is so reluctant to test for it, the tests don't really mean anything. That is probably also the reason why nobody really knows how many people are actually infected."

 

Blood test and/or culture as being positive means patient is positive. Doctors try to sugar coat the results so they don't sound as bad because in some cases may ruin marriages.Not all tests are accurate, however, and many health care providers are unclear on which tests to perform.

 

I agree all tests can have false results but once you have developed antibodies they don't magically disappear. This post was done 2 years ago and in my humble opinion they probably meant that they couldn't tell if person is infected or not because it was not differentiated between types HSV1 or HSV2. Patient need to make sure he/she got more sensitive test which differentiate HSV1 from HSV2 but once antibodies are there they are there. Unless numbers were really, really low then the person needs to be retested, maybe something went wrong in a process of seroconversion.

 

Not being infected in the sense that you could have outbreak, I agree, kind of. Many people who were infected long time ago they don't have outbreaks because their immune memory fights it off. Can you pass it even if you been exposed (meaning infected) and don't have outbreaks? I think modern research says yes, you can.

[slevin 1,374]

Blood test and/or culture as being positive means patient is positive. Doctors try to sugar coat the results so they don't sound as bad because in some cases may ruin marriages. Not all tests are accurate, however, and many health care providers are unclear on which tests to perform.

 

I am not a doctor so I won't debate the nuances of infected vs. asymptomatic vs. seropositive. I will say though that I think many doctors do the opposite of what you're saying. If a test is positive they seem to say "you're infected", while if a test is negative they say "you probably don't have it". This is interesting since the negative result is far more accurate in the test than the positive result is. Seems that it should be the other way around if you're going to hedge your bets on one vs. the other. Although I imagine the hedging of bets here is to cover their ass more than anything. I haven't looked at any research done in the past few years, but the research I did look at indicated that asymptomatic carriers who were contagious even though not developing sores was extremely rare. That's just the result of my uneducated reading of it though

[wisconsin 58]

Your quote, "I haven't looked at any research done in the past few years, but the research I did look at indicated that asymptomatic carriers who were contagious even though not developing sores was extremely rare. That is just the result of my uneducated reading of it though."

 

I would agree with you on that. Docs need to cover their asses, it's a liability issue.

 

Don't forget many people HSV1 (or cold sores) and in most cases not in all though, it works like immunization. They are immune to HSV2 strain.

 

I would say too much attention to HSV in a first place. I agree with somebody who put it in a category of cold or flu. Just mild inconvenience if any that's all.

 

Do I want get it? No, I don't. Will I get terrified, probably not. It's part of swinging you do your research, assess your risks, try to minimize it and deal with it when it comes.

I always tell my regular partner/BF, "I don't want get HIV or hepatitis from you if you fuck around, anything else I can deal with..."

[Kaptman 15]

Since I was exposed I have had two outbreaks. The second one being very mild. The majority of people who get HSV have no symptoms to mild symptoms. Therefore they don't think they have HSV. Depending on where you have it, top of penis, base of penis, or vagina lips would dictate if condoms were affective or not. For women who may have an outbreak on their lips a condom probably won't protect you since the base of the penis will come into contact. Same as if the infection is at the base of the penis.

 

Most people are not aware of Herpes facts so are probably at higher risk if they don't already have it. It isn't the end of the world and is no big deal. Not that anyone wants it. Who wants the flu? But be aware that any and all sex with multiple partners can expose you to this virus.

[Chicup 41]

Missed this when it came up.

 

The new antibody tests can tell HSV-1 from 2 and if they are positive do indicate you were infected at some point.

 

The hard part is knowing if you are infectious or not. There is no 100% reliable way to know outside of frequent skin swabbing which is not practical.

[BorisNatasha 63]

Well I'm here to tell you that you can have a fantastic time in the lifestyle even when you are up front and honest about having HSV2. Natasha and I both had it long before we entered this lifestyle. We are totally out of the closet about our status, and we still meet fun, interesting, sexy people frequently... and then have sex with them.

 

We put it front and center on our profiles on internet sites, and we have people CONSTANTLY contacting us saying "we have it but we don't put it on our profile" or words to that effect. Folks, if you are in this lifestyle you are getting exposed to it, it's that simple. There are "ethically-challenged" people everywhere that won't bat an eyelash while they lie to you about not being infected. The fun part is that 9 out of 10 people that have it, don't know they have it! They didn't lie to you, because they didn't know - but you've still been exposed. Oh and guess what - condoms won't protect you if they are shedding virus infected skin cells from somewhere other than their genitals. But at least the person who KNOWS they have it and knows the signs knows when it is relatively safe to play.

 

Food for thought.

 

Hswing.com is a great site for swingers with herpes, and it's grown a lot in the last few years. Highly recommended. We've met some great people through that site.

 

What's funny is that we've met FAR MORE people through SLS, and very few of them put the info out there in the public domain. We are upfront about the whole thing, but many are not because of the stigma. The only people we won't have contact with are the ones who state "disease free" in their profile. Omission on an internet profile is excusable, outright lying is not.

 

For those of you posting in the thread that have it - cheer up, there are plenty of potential playmates out there. Does it cut down on your "candidate pool"? Surely. Does it mean the end of the lifestyle? Surely not.

 

Boris

[justenjoyinlife 19]

Thanks for the input BorisNatasha and everyone else who has commented. I am seriously considering putting it on our profile on SLS, we have chatted with many couples but have only found a few who are interested once they find out. I think it would be easier if it was stated in our profile that we are an H-couple and cut down on the anxiety of having to tell each individual couple.

[Chicup 41]

We put it front and center on our profiles on internet sites, and we have people CONSTANTLY contacting us saying "we have it but we don't put it on our profile" or words to that effect. Folks, if you are in this lifestyle you are getting exposed to it, it's that simple. There are "ethically-challenged" people everywhere that won't bat an eyelash while they lie to you about not being infected.

 

Exactly true.

 

If you swing you should EXPECT being exposed to STD's like you were a single clubber.

[luv2was 117]

justenjoyinlife said:

...we have been talking about adding to our sex life for years and have finally decided to take the plunge. However I have herpes....

Thanks for posting this thread. I've had HSV2 since my early 20's (I'm early 50's now), and like most folks I suppose, I got it by surprise. In fact the gal who gave it to me did not know she had it. I finally caught up with her again 10 years later (we parted friends), and it took me 30 minutes to convince her that she was a carrier. No telling how many people she infected (she was quite the little minx). :">

 

I did not know myself that I had it either for quite some time (but I'm 99.9% sure that I've never passed it on, ever, as I can usually tell when it is coming on well enough ahead of time, etc.). In that period of not knowing I had a brief fling with a gal, and when a mutual friend made a comment being surprised I did because he knew she had HSV2, I flipped out. I got SOOOOOOO upset. I confronted her about it... we managed some sort of resolution... but when I later confirmed that I had it, I vowed to always disclose it well in advance, so that I would not put anyone through that.

 

I know that in every profile I've ever posted on a sex-fun dating site, I've always been up-front about having HSV2... personally I believe it is the only way to go. Well, I've literally never had anyone want to play with me (not swing anyway, I've had monogamous lovers though), but then again I've always been the "dreaded single male" too. I suspect that as a couple things would be a bit easier. I am patient and persistent though, and this BBS has given me more hope of living out some of my fantasies than any other that I've visited. It is obvious that education is working, and that more folks are being aware and honest. I'm betting that it may even be a bit of a blessing. I know that after my experience, it has made me a LOT more cautious about who I play with, which I feel will pay off in the end if I'm around people who've had similar experiences.

 

As pointed out by others earlier in this thread, odds are very high that if you play in this lifestyle, you have been possibly exposed to someone who is a carrier, whether they know it or not. I suspect (as also pointed out earlier) that a lot of folks are carriers, and don't even know it.

 

I'm still waiting to get approved so I can check out HSwing.com, but it is obvious that this sort of thing is becoming more common. No doubt it will limit more who you can play with, but at least you will know that you are dealing with fairly honest folks, that are probably equally as cautious as you are. SwingLifeStyle apparently has some HSV2 friendly areas, but I've not checked them out yet.

 

BTW - It was this post, which I stumbled upon here during a Google search, that led me to this BBS.

 

Be Well... Have Fun!

 

?

[justenjoyinlife 19]

luv2was said:

I'm still waiting to get approved so I can check out HSwing.com, but it is obvious that this sort of thing is becoming more common. No doubt it will limit more who you can play with, but at least you will know that you are dealing with fairly honest folks, that are probably equally as cautious as you are. SwingLifeStyle apparently has some HSV2 friendly areas, but I've not checked them out yet.

 

BTW - It was this post, which I stumbled upon here during a Google search, that led me to this BBS.

 

Be Well... Have Fun!

 

?

 

Thanks for you in-put and I'm glad you found the form. hopefully you will look me up on Hswing when you are approved. I'm under the same sn there.

 

Just an update. We have made the move into swinging hehe. been to a few parties and met some really nice people. We have had a lot of people who have contacted us but have said NO to advancing once we tell them about the HSV but we have also had some who are still willing to move forward We are currently chatting with a couple of couples from Hswing and are meeting one of them this weekend

[fionnafair 15]

Thanks for all the info, my wife has hsv-1 from a childhood kiss and I was a bit worried if we would be able to play. We've been together for five years and I haven't gotten it. Basically she gets a cold sore on her mouth a few times a year is all. Thanks again everyone.

[IEcouple 222]

One way that I find helps to think about herpes is to compare it to chickenpox, which is also caused by a form of herpes virus. Just like chickenpox, herpes lives on nerves and occasionally travel down those nerves to cause sores on the skin.

 

Chickenpox infections typically only happen once, but the virus lives at the base of nerves for the rest of your life. Some people who have had chickenpox can get an outbreak of shingles later in life. Although shingles isn't the same illness as chickenpox, it's the exact same virus and people who have never had chickenpox can get it from someone who has shingles because they can shed the virus through their skin. The chickenpox virus is never eradicated from your body, but your body lives with it, usually with no problems.

 

Similarly, both HSV-1 and HSV-2 also live at the base of your nerves and never go away completely. The first infection is usually the worst and many people never notice another outbreak. (Many people who get genital herpes never notice the initial outbreak either.) It never goes away but may not ever cause problems either. The problems it does cause are very minor and it's rarely a major health concern.

 

When you really get down to it, the main difference between genital herpes and a cold or flu is that you catch genital herpes through having sex. That's really it. Common courtesy says that you should warn others if you're ill and contagious with a cold or flu so people have the option of keeping their distance to reduce transmission. Same with herpes.

 

Think of it this way: contagious respiratory infections cause far more health problems (and kill far more people, even in this country) than herpes ever will. For almost everyone, herpes is more of an annoyance than a disease. Should you try to avoid it? Of course. Will it be a big problem if you get it? Extremely unlikely.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

One way that I find helps to think about herpes is to compare it to chickenpox, which is also caused by a form of herpes virus. Just like chickenpox, herpes lives on nerves and occasionally travel down those nerves to cause sores on the skin.

 

Chickenpox infections typically only happen once, but the virus lives at the base of nerves for the rest of your life. Some people who have had chickenpox can get an outbreak of shingles later in life. Although shingles isn't the same illness as chickenpox, it's the exact same virus and people who have never had chickenpox can get it from someone who has shingles because they can shed the virus through their skin. The chickenpox virus is never eradicated from your body, but your body lives with it, usually with no problems.

 

Similarly, both HSV-1 and HSV-2 also live at the base of your nerves and never go away completely. The first infection is usually the worst and many people never notice another outbreak. (Many people who get genital herpes never notice the initial outbreak either.) It never goes away but may not ever cause problems either. The problems it does cause are very minor and it's rarely a major health concern.

 

When you really get down to it, the main difference between genital herpes and a cold or flu is that you catch genital herpes through having sex. That's really it. Common courtesy says that you should warn others if you're ill and contagious with a cold or flu so people have the option of keeping their distance to reduce transmission. Same with herpes.

 

Think of it this way: contagious respiratory infections cause far more health problems (and kill far more people, even in this country) than herpes ever will. For almost everyone, herpes is more of an annoyance than a disease. Should you try to avoid it? Of course. Will it be a big problem if you get it? Extremely unlikely.

 

I agree with you very much. Herpes is not a big deal. However, one difference is that herpes can be transmitted through asymptomatic viral shedding when you don't have and outbreak, vs the cold or flu viruses which the body clears and is not contagious after the infection is over.

[IEcouple 222]

That's true. The comparison only goes so far. But realistically, people get the cold and flu so many times in their lifetimes that it is kind of like having an outbreak of the same thing over and over again. And you can catch a cold/flu from someone who is asymptomatic too.

[Bryan Halifax 0]

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