A Kentucky couple searches for poly triad and growing their family

[Big Rock 173]

I've explained my situation before, and we have moved past the cheating aspect, and are getting down to the nuts and bolts of what we both envision our relationship to be. Therein lies the problem. She has stated unequivocally that she is no longer interested, mentally or sexually, in sex with other men. What she envisions is, either we play with other women at parties (single or married), or we have a polyamory relationship with one other woman. I envision us being in the lifestyle, and being more flexible sexually. Where is the middle ground here? I have asked her if she is a lesbian and she says absolutely not. She said last night that all she wants is a big dick in her (which I provide) and a gentle woman to be her FWB (friends with benefits). I don't know what to make of this. I've never studied polyamory relationships, so I don't know if they work or not. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am making plans to build our house, and she wants to include a suite, with one large bed, for the three of us. Frankly, I'm a bit intimidated by this idea. Not from the sexual standpoint, but from the standpoint of a nuclear family? She has already said that she wants kids soon, as well.

 

I have some experience with FMF threesomes, and like them a lot, but IDK if I would be interested in making it a permanent situation which is ultimately what she wants.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Wow, kids and a live in girlfriend?! I believe you just go over a betrayal of trust with this person. Are you going to couples counseling? I think you should continue talking, make sure the two of you are on birthcontrol and stay out of the lifestyle until your relationship is strong and stable.

 

Two good books about polyamory are The Ethical Slut and Opening Up. Read them both together and talk about it. Also check out the Savage Love column and podcasts, he talks about all aspects of sexuality.

[VegasLee 1,486]

As with your other threads, you have been told this Lifestyle in any form does not appear to be for the TWO OF YOU at this point in your life and relationship.

 

Seems that you just want to keep going forward with something is going to end up destroying your relationship though.

 

If "I" was you I would forget all about this, delete the bookmark to this web site and work on my relationship then in a few years, after kids and some relationship building bring the subject back up to her if SHE is open to it.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Dude, in just over 3 months you have gone from your GF cheating on you, dumping her, dissing the LS, getting back with her, joining the LS, to LTR, kids and considering a poly relationship.

 

The last chapters of your life are far from written, but the couple of chapters you have shared in these forums have cautionary tale written all over them. You seem to be bouncing from one sticky scenario to another without much time to reflect, heal or build.

 

A traditional relationship is difficult enough to navigate, and I am no expert on poly relationships, but it would seem to be far more difficult than a traditional one.

 

I am with VegasLee on this one. I think you would be best served by slowing down, building a solid relationship with your GF before continuing in swinging or considering a poly relationship.

[Big Rock 173]

Dude, in just over 3 months you have gone from your GF cheating on you, dumping her, dissing the LS, getting back with her, joining the LS, to LTR, kids and considering a poly relationship.

 

The last chapters of your life are far from written, but the couple of chapters you have shared in these forums have cautionary tale written all over them. You seem to be bouncing from one sticky scenario to another without much time to reflect, heal or build.

 

A traditional relationship is difficult enough to navigate, and I am no expert on poly relationships, but it would seem to be far more difficult than a traditional one.

 

I am with VegasLee on this one. I think you would be best served by slowing down, building a solid relationship with your GF before continuing in swinging or considering a poly relationship.

That is exactly what I want to do. Start out with US finding out if we are compatible, working through any relationship issues we might have, then proceeding from there. The POLY thing is HER idea, not mine. She SAYS that she is happier with me than with any other man she has been with, and is completely sure of US. I'm assuming that what she means about the live-in, is pretty far into the future. I know that I'm sticking my neck out, I know , I know. But I'm nuts about her. She is so much smarter, sweeter, classier and way hotter than my ex, that there is no comparison. Since the cheating (and she has owned it completely, and has apologized until I told her to stop) she treats me like a king. We go where I want to go, do what I want to do, have sex when I want to and basically anything I want, she will get. For Christmas I got her a necklace and some scent, she got me a custom rifle, I know it cost 4 grand. It took my breath away. So the bottom line is I'm in love, and I can't help myself. Most of you probably think I'm stupid, for taking her back. Okay, I guess I'm stupid.

[PB&J 1,086]

Actually, to me it seems like she's the one who's, well, if not stupid, at least making a big mistake,if she's doing whatever you want. That's not the way a healthy relationship works. It sounds like you need to first have a partnership of equals instead of having one person (you) in control.

[Big Rock 173]

Actually, to me it seems like she's the one who's, well, if not stupid, at least making a big mistake,if she's doing whatever you want. That's not the way a healthy relationship works. It sounds like you need to first have a partnership of equals instead of having one person (you) in control.

PB&J, I'm not in control, she is doing this on her own. She promised me that she would prove that the cheating episode was a one-time mistake and that she is a trustworthy partner, and has been doing it ever since. Plus, I must say , she is a genuinely good person. She is very active in Breast Cancer awareness, homeless families, and Civic pride charities. Part of why I love her, I guess. She is a giver.

[Big Rock 173]

Girlfriend 2 was laid off from her job for a few weeks, and she stayed with Girlfriend 1 and I, and we really came together as a family. Sex has been spectacular, and even doing household chores and shopping has been fun and interesting. We talk till all hours and seem to have a lot in common. If one of us is the "odd person out", on something, then somebody else is "odd person", on something else. Girlfriend 1 doesn't like to cook, but Girlfriend 2 and I both love to. Both girlfriends love to shop, and I'm not that crazy about it. I don't know, but it seems to be falling together as if it were meant to be.

[Big Rock 173]

My Ladies and I finally decided that talk is cheap and that the time is right to move ALL of our households together. I know many would have advised more caution, but we all feel very good about it, and believe in each other. I love BOTH of them more than my life and they have both said that this is the happiest day of their lives. I carried both of them over the threshold, and we had a wonderful house-warming party with some close friends and family. Could any man be luckier than me?

[Big Rock 173]

Thank you, guys. We are very, very, happy. Gf1 said that it was her dream to get to sleep and make love to her two best friends. I know it is gonna take work, but I'm about as happy as I've ever been. As long as we are open and communicate, I think it's going to be a very loving family, and a wonderful place to raise children:D:D

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Thank you, guys. We are very, very, happy. Gf1 said that it was her dream to get to sleep and make love to her two best friends. I know it is gonna take work, but I'm about as happy as I've ever been. As long as we are open and communicate, I think it's going to be a very loving family, and a wonderful place to raise children:D:D

 

Sounds perfect, Rocky I know I have asked a few of our female friends (although not Poly per se) to join us here over the years, with very interesting perspectives. Hopefully, you could get gf1 and gf2 to join us too and share their thoughts as well

 

fun~

[Big Rock 173]

I would love it if both of them would come here, to share our experiences. Girlfriend 1 isn't very interested, because of her high-profile job, but maybe I can get Girlfriend 2 to do it. I hate using those terms for them, they are both ANGELS, and deserve their names to be shown. Girlfriend 1 is Janie, and Girlfriend 2 is Betsy (not their real names , but a form of them). I am such a lucky motherfucker, that I have to pinch myself. We went shopping Sunday for some home decor items, and both of them were wearing short skirts and attracting a lot of male attention. We were looking at patio swings and I said to Bets, "don't swing too high or you'll show your panties", and she told me that neither were wearing any!!!!!!!! Shortest shopping trip on record.:cool:

[Big Rock 173]

BTW, they are my wives now, not my GF's. I am so fucking proud.:D:D

[amorvincitomnia 15]

Very inspiring! Congrats!

[Big Rock 173]

Very inspiring! Congrats!

Thank you, Amor, and welcome! We are doing great!! Other than personal practices issues, like putting the cap back on the toothpaste and putting too much salt in the soup, sort of thing , we have been able to talk through some very heavy relationship issues and the marriage is growing stronger daily .

[railroaderone23 15]

Good luck sounds like you have it made

[Big Rock 173]

Good luck sounds like you have it made

In some ways yes and some ways no. A poly marriage is like any other marriage, in that it requires a lot of communication, love and flexibility (both physical and mental:D). We are doing fine and are progressing, but that doesn't mean that we haven't had issues. If it were all about sex, then yes, I have it pretty well covered, but lust is a very small part of a marriage in comparison to all of the other potential pluses and pitfalls.

[Big Rock 173]

I have a quick question for those posters who are in or have been in a Poly Triad situation. My wife Bets is about five years older than my wife Janie and I are. She is really feeling the urge to reproduce, before she gets much older. We have been together now for a few months, and have worked out any major issues that were threats to our happiness as a family. Both Bets and Janie agree that our relationship is on solid ground, and we are really, really happy. So my question is can/should Bets and I start the process? Janie is cool with it but wants to wait a year, because she has just started a new job and wants the dust to settle at work , before getting pregnant.

[Learning 160]

Big rock, you are going to do what you are going to do. Here's my advice: don't do it yet. Having a baby is complex, we just had our 1st and I am 35 years old, been married to a wonderful husband and it's still hard. You all should be enjoying your new relationship status. See where you are in a year. Hell, I wouldn't even say anything different to a regular vanilla couple. The other being a poly, I've had quite the experiences lately of working with children with parents who are poly. Can I be frank that it is so challenging for the kids, so if you do heavily research it so you can do it right and they can turn out to be healthy. Think about the baby and what it needs. Just because someone is eager to have a child doesn't mean that they should.

[extremesex 15]

What do YOU want?

[Alura 2,774]

There are reasons Mother Earth and Father Sky designed humans to have children while they're young, Rocky. The younger the mother is (within reason, of course) the better chances she has of producing healthy children. Also, the younger the parents are, the lesser chances are of the kids being orphans.

 

Laura was 36 when we started our family. I was 49. The boys turned out healthy and bright, but lost their mother at 17 and 19.

 

As long as y'all are sure of your love, which I feel you are, there's no real reason to wait, in my opinion.

 

Alura

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We waited until we'd been married seven years before we considered children. It is a huge step and will change you and your relationships dramatically. I agree with Learning, a year is not too long to wait. Enjoy the quiet times and really get to know each other. You can never be too prepared so take the time to make sure you're really ready.

[MN Tom 251]

I'd chime in with others. Your triad is still fairly new, waiting a while longer would be a good choice. Most couples aren't ready for kids that quickly, yes they have them (and most do ok), but its not easy. A child brings along a whole host of things that can cause strife to a relationship; money, stress, feelings, body image, time to care for it... Even the pregnancy can be hard on a couple.

[BigNikki 43]

Big Nikki here.

 

I think Learning has it right: wait a year (or two).

 

Yes age matters, both for safe fertility and for the parents to be robust enough to good vigorous child-raisers.

 

But you don't want to be too young -- parents, I think, should have a nice handful of years to relish adult life before children. And a relationship should best have some mileage on it too.

 

Yes, younger is better for childbearing. But would one year or two years matter as much as a year or two of your relationship settling in?

 

Ask yourself that question, and I think your answer, either way, will guide you well.

 

-- Big Nikki

 

PS: John and I are busy doing the nasty (scratch that, doing the nice) to make our first.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I'm not in a poly, but I am the father of four. I'd also say wait a year... simply because you the relationship is "a few months" old. You're on solid ground and really, really happy. That's great. Enjoy it. A child is a wonderful and joyous thing, and looking back we only remember the good. But the baby is also a lot of work and strain.

 

My 2 cents.

[Big Rock 173]

Thanks everybody. I feel that you are probably right. Problem is, that I told both wives that THEY would decide when or if they wanted to get pregnant and that I would unequivocally support their decision, and I'm a man of my word. Besides, I love them soooo much, I know it will be a good thing. I feel that I'm ready to be a father and I think I will be a good one, but I understand about the newness of the marriage, and enjoying our newfound lifestyle. It's Bets decision to make, but she does read my threads, so she will read your responses.

[BigNikki 43]

Big Nikki here.

. . . I told both wives that THEY would decide when or if they wanted to get pregnant and that I would unequivocally support their decision

 

Sure. But now you have some more information to share with them, to guide their own decisions.

 

-- Big Nikki

[Big Rock 173]

We sat down this weekend and discussed the pregnancy issue , at length. Everybody had their say and we reached a decision that Bets would get pregnant sometime after September. We are going on an extended trip in the fall, and we will start the process after we get home. Janie will get pregnant after Bets second trimester, whenever that is. Our combined incomes have allowed us to get way ahead of the game, with the farm, and we have enough money put aside that both of them can take six months off after childbirth. Bets will probably be a SAHM, although if the farm progresses, orders/clients pick up, and the economy gets better, we might all stop working outside of the farm. We have an old building that we can turn into an office, and just work from there. I know that many have said that we should wait at least a year, and I tend to agree, but they convinced me that our marriage is rock solid and children will be a blessing. Bets is ecstatic and both of them are in a child care frenzy. Even as we speak, they are putting up new wallpaper in the "nursery", and we are acquiring diapers and baby clothes by the bale.:D

[Big Rock 173]

Hi, folks. It's been a while , but we have been busy vacationing and working on the farm/business, and, of course, being pregnant. Bets is doing great and getting bigger by the day. We had a little bit of a jealousy issue, Janey being jealous of Bets' being knocked up, and her not, but I have defused it with my solemn promise to do the same to her right after new years, so she is counting the days. Every day, we keep getting closer and closer, as a family. There are some issues with being Poly , but on the whole, it is a wonderful way of life.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Thanks for the update.

 

Honestly, I think "in a relationship" you have to have some emotional turmoil to a degree. If everything is smooth sailing then that scares me more than little fits of growing pains.

 

Have fun with the "work" after the new year. Start getting your practice in