Singles who won't admit why they can't host

[MN Tom 251]

Ok my wife just ran into this issue again last night, and it was rather funny, pitiful, and annoying all at once.

 

What we are referring to is not directly someone who cannot host for obvious reasons (kids and such), but moreso the people who just say they cannot host and give a reason they know to be lame/untrue.

 

Last night my wife was looking to hook up with a single male. So, she emailed one that contacted us a few days ago. He was online and quickly emailed back, looked promising so far. Then she asked in her email what his hosting options were like, since all of our kids were all at home (school night) and she couldn't host if their date went well. He said he has a roommate, and "it wouldn't go over well" to play at his place.

 

That made her blink, and I looked at the response and immediately thought "what a putz". Here you have this mid 20's single adult male who supposedly has a real job yet he gives some lame roommate excuse as to why his place is unsuitable?

 

Immediately our "something is fishy" alarm goes off, and she emails back with a question asking what does he suggest as an alternative?

 

He emails back saying "maybe a cheap hotel?"

 

lol. We really loved the use of the word cheap in there.

 

Anyway, my wife emails back that the hotel option isn't really appealing so let's just forget about it. Good night.

 

Of course we are talking about this the whole time, and all we can do is guess as to what his real reasons were for not hosting. And the thing is, if he had come out and said something upfront about it, we probably would have been OK with it. But this idea of his roommate not liking it just lends itself to other thoughts. Such as is the roommate a girl? Is it his parents? Or what else is he hiding here?

 

Maybe we are too judgemental in this aspect, but that response just brought a gut reaction to thinking that he was fibbing in some fashion.

 

If he had a guy roomie, the guy would leave for a few hours. No guy roommate would refuse to leave, not unless he was incapable of leaving.

 

The thing about this situation is it also happened to her before, except the last time was with a vanilla guy she picked up at a bar meet. The vanilla guy ended up telling lies because he was worried she would leave if she knew the truth (he was living with parents because he was on his last year of doctoral studies). Funny thing was, that wouldn't have bothered her. It was far better than what he did instead, which was try to pass off that he was roommates with some other guy who wasn't in on the game, and thus didn't appreciate it and let it be known. Which led to my wife walking out about 5 minutes before having sex when the 'roommate' came into the room and made the truth clear.

 

Gotta love the lies though. They really leave a bad taste in the mouth much worse than most truths would.

 

To add to the story (figured someone might ask), in conversation and the profile, the SM claimed he was a single male, never married, no kids, with a profession in chem engineering. Which was basically fuel to the fire for the inequities we saw, and partially why the alarms went off.

 

Oh, and the hotel thing for us in terms of single play hookups isn't very appealing. We expect it with couples (since many have kids such as us, and babysitters are at the home), but with singles we really don't want to use a hotel unless it's a hot and heavy spur of the moment, or the single prefers it that way and pays for it (which some seem to do). Just a preference I guess, just isn't appealing to us to plan on hooking up with a single by paying for a hotel room, kinda takes some of the spontaneity out of it. We have hosted (basically one of us takes the kids out for a few hours) about half of the time, and if we can host, a single most definitely should be able to host as often if not moreso.

[Alura 2,774]

Why do y'all bother, Tom? Couples are not only easier to deal with but a whole lot more fun, in my opinion.

 

I wonder what percentage of "singles" on the internet are really married.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

They are providing a reason why. But you don't want to believe it.

 

I think not wanting to play at their own place, due to having a roommate, is a legitimate reason. I wouldn't find that unusual, and, I would prefer not to play where a playmate's roommate could surprise us. And if living with parents, well, I can be forgiving of him not admitting that at first.

 

Single 20-something men may not have a living space they feel comfortable playing in due to the lack of decor or accommodations.

 

If this is your first meet, why should a single offer his home to you? We would not likely do so with a new couple or single. We prefer not to open our home to people we haven't gotten to know and like using a hotel to start.

 

If your wife is much older, I think that could play a role in why a younger male--with a roommate--may feel uncomfortable having her over to his place to play because she is not the usual type who he has over. If caught, it could make things difficult to explain.

 

Hotel is safer, hotels are clean, you can let single men know what quality of hotel you like and what you expect for shared costs.

 

If you only swung with couples with kids, like yourself, what would you do then? Probably all head to a hotel with babysitters holding down the fort.

[MN Tom 251]

It wouldn't be the first meet per se. What Mrs Tom does is meet up with a guy at a coffee shop, restaurant or whatever and they go from there. If they click, they meet again to further that connection, or if they really click, they head to a place to have some fun.

 

The situation I'm referring to is an adult male (who according to his own words) is successful in his career as a chemical engineer. She never asked if he was rich or something, just asked the common question on what line of work do you do and he answered it in that manner. He also alluded to the part of town he lived in, and we know it, it's a decent neighborhood full of large homes, no apartments, not even townhomes in that section. It's a ritzy area to be honest, financially above where we live.

 

So, later on when he makes this wishy washy sounding comment about hosting not being a "good situation with my roommate", it doesn't jive. We've learned that if something makes us pause, it's for a reason. And a guy who supposedly is making a good income and supposedly has no family to take care of has a "roommate issue", what does that seem like to you?

 

Only things we could think of are lying about the job, lying about being single, or maybe embarrassed about how he lives (maybe he's a closet pack rat or something). In any case, it sounded to us like he was lying and found himself trapped in the lies, which is a signal for us to run.

 

So yes, under good circumstances we would be fine with someone telling us they cant host because they have a roommate, as long as the way they told us that information made sense. It just didn't make sense when the guy tells you he's well off on one hand then makes it sound like he's a pauper on the other. Obviously holding back information makes us pause, and if it's completely counter to whatever else they have said, it's a no go.

 

Same thing if when asked he plainly said that he prefers to go to a hotel, and mind if they split the cost? That would be much better.

 

 

Alura, yes couples can be fun. We constantly strive to find couples to play with, it's just a rough thing to match up. With kids and babysitting schedules, finding a 2v2 match isnt easy for us to say the least. We have 5-10 couples on a working list at this point, none of which we can manage to schedule for one reason or another. A lot of couples with kids tend to be overbooked with kid activities, jobs and whatnot, and only have 1 or 2 free nights a month. And lining up those nights between everyone isn't very easy, and typically one of those nights is the same as a big monthly party, so we all go there instead. No playing though, since parties aren't onsite.

 

Maybe it's a bit different in my neck of the woods compared to yours, or maybe back when you were more active it was different, not sure. Around here though typically what we find is at a big party, it's a dancing/socializing thing, and then later on some people go off to hotel rooms. The hotel room part though only works if you have overnight babysitting, which we rarely do (we did have it on new years). Otherwise you merely make new contacts and flirt with existing ones at the party and try to hook up later.

 

We guess maybe it's more commercial than it used to be? Definitely seems more mainstream to us, we came across some old pictures of my wife's dad from the early 70's and it was pictures of naked parties. That is what we have in mind as swingers parties being, a bunch of adults playing games, talking, and standing around in various states of undress. And some house parties are like that, but the large hotel parties are not. They are more like dance parties with a wider range of attendees and more kissing/touching going on.

 

As far as singles being married, most of the ones we come into contact with are divorced. We also play with other hall pass singles, so obviously they are married and we've met their spouses. Actually in retrospect, (not saying this is the way it always is though), the only ones that have given us trouble have all been supposedly pure singles, never married/no kids. We have had good experiences with other hall pass or divorced people, and all have been at our house or theirs.

[bbarnsworth 2,643]

Personally, we don't expect anyone to host, single or couple. Honestly, I wouldn't be too comfortable with the idea of my wife going solo to a single's house on the first play date. I'd be much more comfortable with her going to a hotel room (and not a 'cheap' sleeze place). Now, after longer acquaintance we'd be happy to play at someone's house. Hasn't happened yet though. All play times have been at hotels or clubs so far.

 

I think having a roommate is a legitimate excuse, especially if the person in question is in their 20s. It's less common past 30 for people to have roommates, but not unheard of. There's one single of our long acquaintance who is ~40 and has a roommate. He doesn't want to host because he doesn't want to have to explain. I can understand that. If I brought home a woman who was wearing a rather exquisite wedding ring (I got my wife a real beauty; not targeting size, but targeting quality), and I vanished into my bedroom with her, I'm sure my roommate would be wondering what the hell was up with that.

 

We look for signs of trouble with singles in other ways. It's worked well for us to date. We've managed to weed out every fake and/or cheater that's come along. We too don't mind my wife playing with a guy who has a verified hall pass. But, we expect in person confirmation from his wife. We've had a few guys run away as soon as we asked for that. Not being able to host is not a reason we discount a single. There can be innumerable reasons, all of which are legitimate.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

There is certainly the possibility that this SM is lying or maybe just embellished a bit.

 

But there are many reasons for not wanting to host.

 

And, if he did lie, perhaps it was preferable to telling you he was worried about any of the following.

 

Maybe he is well off and lives alone in a nice home too. Look at it from his point of view. He is about to meet a married woman, he has never met, who says her husband is okay with her playing solo.

 

Let's see what could go wrong there. Maybe she is a flake, in which case he doesn't want her to know his real address. Maybe she is needy and he doesn't want to risk her knowing where he lives and stalking him. Maybe she is cheating and he doesn't want to risk the husband following her over to his place. Maybe its a con and he doesn't want to risk getting robbed by they woman's accomplices.

 

We have known plenty of people that age that are successful professionals and have roommates. All with legitimate reasons. Some were looking at hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans and wanted to split living cost to spend more money on paying down loans. Others were saving to have a good down payment or buy out right a home so they saved money by taking on a roommate. IN these uncertain times, I know some young six figure professionals that are just to insecure that their companies will survive and WISH they had roommates to share the cost so they could save more.

 

I would also say it pretty presumptuous to assume anyone should play host. Should his roommate be put out by having to leave the house because you don't want to go to a motel? Or should he/she have to endure your sexual escaped in the next room?

 

Even if he did not have a roommate there could be myriad good reasons to choose not to host. We don't host because we have children at home. But even if we didn't have kids at home, I know we are not going to host someone we have just met or only met a few times. Better safe than sorry.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

We look for signs of trouble with singles in other ways. It's worked well for us to date. We've managed to weed out every fake and/or cheater that's come along. We too don't mind my wife playing with a guy who has a verified hall pass. But, we expect in person confirmation from his wife. We've had a few guys run away as soon as we asked for that. Not being able to host is not a reason we discount a single. There can be innumerable reasons, all of which are legitimate.

 

I am with bbarnsworth on this. Part of my professional life is analyzing risk. It tends to carry over to my vanilla and swinging life as well. So I constantly have my eyes and ears open to things that don't fit. That said, rarely do I use one piece of information as a determining factor pro or con about a playmate.

 

If I do, then it is because it is a big one. Sure, I might look at this scenario as a factor, but there are so many legit reasons to not host or to even fib a bit that I would not make it THE determining factor. I would however look more closely at every other contact, info and data on the person to confirm if my opinion on them was correct or not.

[padoc 1,703]

Here's a News Flash:

 

Guys lie to get laid! Single guys, married guys all try to tell a woman what they think she wants to hear even if it's a lie if they think it'll help get her naked. Fortunately, we've found a lot less lying among swinger couples which is why we primarily play with couples only and always as a foursome.

 

I would think however that if a guy had a chance for some NSA sex, the least he could do would be to spring for a decent hotel room. A Holiday Inn Express or a Hampton over the local Motel 6 or Days Inn would indicate at least a moderate level of both appreciation and respect. The guy in question was both a liar and a jerk.

[MN Tom 251]

Yeah, all of that is fine.

 

If the guy doesn't want to involve his own place for whatever reason, don't bring it up! Instead do what others do, and say "I like this hotel or that hotel"

 

She asked "what is your suggestion on a place to go if we click ? Reason I'm asking is I'm unable to host tonight, it's a school night and my kids would be getting ready for bed"

 

He says (and yes with this many delay words) "umm, well, ahhh, well it wouldn't be a good situation with my roommate"

 

Right there it was toast. Up until that point he talked clearly and confidently, and then he talks like that. The last part of the discussion was done on chat, so it was instant. Early contact was through email.

He really made it sound like he expected her to host. Which is just shocking to me, since I've always been surprised when a gal says she can host.

 

Also, we ALWAYS give others the ability (through phone or meeting in person if they like) the chance to confirm our status as hall pass. We also have a recent picture of both of our faces holding up a hall pass sign on our profile. One gal did take us up on that offer, she talked with my wife first before seeing me. Most others seem content with the picture, although a couple of people had met us both in person at prior parties.

 

And yes bbarnsworth, we have seen a guy who vanished when asked for confirmation. Thankfully though we don't see that much, although part of that might be because we aren't playing that often.

 

Being able to host isn't the direct issue, it's being dodgy about it.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

He was online and quickly emailed back, looked promising so far. Then she asked in her email what his hosting options were like, since all of our kids were all at home (school night) and she couldn't host if their date went well.

 

She asked "what is your suggestion on a place to go if we click ? Reason I'm asking is I'm unable to host tonight, it's a school night and my kids would be getting ready for bed"

 

He says (and yes with this many delay words) "umm, well, ahhh, well it wouldn't be a good situation with my roommate"

 

Right there it was toast. Up until that point he talked clearly and confidently, and then he talks like that. The last part of the discussion was done on chat, so it was instant.

 

First, we base our replies on what you write. You stated earlier that your wife emailed asking what his hosting options were like because she couldn't host.

 

Which is different from what your last message stated.

 

But I am not sure what I wrote earlier would have been any different.

 

One of the things I look for when determining someones truthfulness is factual consistency. Now based on your post I could assume you are lying or I could assume you made a mistake but continue to watch what you said in the future to see if my assumptions are corroborated. Precisely why I stated earlier that I do not rely on a single piece of information to determine someones truthfulness. People make mistakes, so I try to give them the benefit of doubt.

 

But each of us has our own way of handling things.

[The Fuse 1,012]

Who knows, maybe the guy has a child, who is the "roommate" in question, and didn't want to say so.

[ALilOEverything 901]

There is always the possibility he's genuine about the roommate situation, who knows. Anything can be explained away, but I think it's most important you go with your gut. You have to play in your comfort zone which different for everyone. Keep looking until you find a situation that's right and makes you feel the most comfortable. The less doubts you have the more fun it will be, right?

[MN Tom 251]

Originally Posted by MN Tom

He was online and quickly emailed back, looked promising so far. Then she asked in her email what his hosting options were like, since all of our kids were all at home (school night) and she couldn't host if their date went well.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by MN Tom

She asked "what is your suggestion on a place to go if we click ? Reason I'm asking is I'm unable to host tonight, it's a school night and my kids would be getting ready for bed"

 

He says (and yes with this many delay words) "umm, well, ahhh, well it wouldn't be a good situation with my roommate"

 

Right there it was toast. Up until that point he talked clearly and confidently, and then he talks like that. The last part of the discussion was done on chat, so it was instant.

 

First, we base our replies on what you write. You stated earlier that your wife emailed asking what his hosting options were like because she couldn't host.

 

Which is different from what your last message stated.

 

But I am not sure what I wrote earlier would have been any different.

 

...

 

 

I'm not entirely sure what you are getting at here. What is the big difference you see between my first rewriting of the interaction and the second time aside from one being more paraphrased than the other?

 

If you are wondering why I use the term email, then yeah, you have a point. None of this is actually on email, it's all done on either the websites internal mail program or IM/Chat. We do converse on yahoo chat at times too, but haven't used that one much lately.

 

Don't believe we've used real email in a while, and never for this. Only thing our email address is used for in terms of swinging is signing up on websites.

 

It's just like with phone calls. We still say called on the phone, talked on the phone, even though a large amount of "calls" now are actually texts.

 

This guy followed along a similar path as we do with everyone. We typically use the onsite mail feature for initial contact and for longer term contact. When we get down to the nitty gritty of scheduling an actual meeting though, we tend to go to IM or chat. This guy was in a private chat channel, just like most of our singles have been. Much faster response that way, and we've found people tend to say more in there.

 

And yeah, we went with our gut, and will continue to do so. We are probably too harsh when it comes to hosting ability, but so be it. Guess what it boils down to is for the most part we don't want to schedule a singles meeting in a hotel, it's just not worth the $30-50 that our half would cost.

If we are with a single and in the heat of the moment the desire is there, then it could make sense. But scheduling it ahead of time, meh.

 

Couples in a hotel, yes. Singles, not so much.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Then she asked in her email what his hosting options were like.....

He really made it sound like he expected her to host. Which is just shocking to me, since I've always been surprised when a gal says she can host.

 

I'm not sure I follow this. Are you saying it's OK for her to expect him to host, but not OK for him to expect her to host? Please clarify.

 

Guess what it boils down to is for the most part we don't want to schedule a singles meeting in a hotel, it's just not worth the $30-50 that our half would cost.

If we are with a single and in the heat of the moment the desire is there, then it could make sense. But scheduling it ahead of time, meh.

 

Couples in a hotel, yes. Singles, not so much.

Not sure I'm seeing the difference here either. Why is it OK if it is a couple, but not a single?

If something were to "go wrong" at a guy's house, how important would that $30-$50 seem then?

 

Looking back through your board activity, it appears you two have been swinging 2 or 3 months now. You've made several references to babysitter issues cutting down on the amount of time you've been able to go out. So, I'm assuming that within those 3 months, you haven't actually been able to play a whole lot yet. So, you're still relatively new to swinging in general.

 

Many (most?) of the responders to your thread have a lot of years of experience under their belt. These are wise, savvy, and well-reasoned individuals. If any one of them gave me feedback that they felt I needed to take to heart, I would spend a generous amount of time contemplating what they told me, and, most likely, take the advice they've given me, and I'm a pretty stubborn individual at times.

 

They've given you some very good feedback and advice. Advice that I wouldn't be so quick to brush aside. I would spend some time rethinking the hosting/being hosted thing, regardless of the potential playmate's status.

[MN Tom 251]

Yes, we are rethinking our hosting biases. And yes, we've only been doing this since October, so we don't have anywhere near the experience that others have.

 

What I'm saying is I'm always kinda surprised when the gal says she can host. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with asking if the gal can host, just as a guy I don't plan on asking the gal to host first before I offer something up myself. It's just how I was raised. I rarely expect a gal to open a door for me, yet Ill open a door for her. That sort of thing.

 

I'm fine if a gal can host (and nearly all of the gals I've played with did host, they said they felt more comfortable at their place). Just that when the subject comes up, as a guy I'm going to be offering my place or a hotel first before asking them if they can host. Usually after I offer that is when I hear "I prefer to host at my place".

 

Basically for us we see single play as something fun we can do much more frequently than couples play. But if hotels come into play frequently, that would cut down on how often we could do it, since the cost eventually becomes a factor. Getting a hotel room once in a while is ok, getting one twice a week (both of us once per week) , not as appealing. We have been and will go to hotels in the future, we don't want to use them frequently though.

 

Anyway, the whole point of this rant wasn't specifically that a hotel was the only option. It was that he gave us reason to doubt due to the hosting question with the response that was incongruent to his prior discussion.

 

Now we just have to ponder a bit and figure out where this bias we have is stemming from, since it seems to be an issue from what I'm hearing here.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I'm not entirely sure what you are getting at here.

 

I was not trying to be rude, sorry if it came across that way.

 

I was really only getting at two things.

 

1. There lying and then there is being secretive/cautious while trying not to be rude.

 

Guy claims he is single - you find out he is married - BIG LIE

Guy claims he is 6'4", 225 lbs, looks like Redford, built like Adonis and is packing 10 inches. He shows up and is 5'8", 350 lbs, bald and looks like Boss Hog. Probably not packing 10 inches either, but we'll never know. BIG LIE

 

On the other hand.

Guy says "I can't host, I have a roommate" - that sounds better than I don't want you to come to my place because I don't want you to know where I live because your husband may not really approve and he might hunt me down, or you could just be casing my place to rob me or steal my kidney, but even if your are not, you could be a psycho clingy chick and if you are I don't want you showing up at my door at 3 a.m. so lets get a hotel instead. That is secretive and cautious.

 

Beyond knowing our zip code, only two couples know where we live, and we have known them a while and trust them. We prefer to keep it that way until we know people better. Come to think of it, they are also the only two couples (and one SM) that we know where they live. Addresses are something we don't bother asking unless they offer to host us.

 

2. My other point is not jump to the verdict that someone is lying because their excuse for not hosting is shaky. He may well have a roommate or he could just be protecting himself from you in case you are lying. Or simply he just wants to maintain some distance between his swinging LS and his vanilla world. With a few exceptions, most people in the LS keep personal information about themselves pretty close the vest. They may not trust others or fear the consequences of being outed. It's better safe than sorry.

 

I don't plan on asking the gal to host first before I offer something up myself. It's just how I was raised. I rarely expect a gal to open a door for me, yet Ill open a door for her. That sort of thing

 

I agree. In fact we always assume that if we hook up it will be at a hotel, not someones home. We make it clear we can't host and ask if X hotel works for them, if they offer to host then that's fine too. We never assume, nor or we surprised or offended if someone can't or does not want to host. We just take that issue off the table.

[slevin 1,374]

I'm not entirely sure what you are getting at here. What is the big difference you see between my first rewriting of the interaction and the second time aside from one being more paraphrased than the other?

 

I think what Coupleerotic was trying to show was a small inconsistency in your post and was using that to illustrate his point. You said email in one place and IM in another. Although those are inconsistent it doesn't mean you were lying or being evasive. One instance of an inconsistency doesn't necessarily mean anything. I thought it was a good illustration of his point.

[MN Tom 251]

I agree Coupleerotic22, it's very possible it was a "white" lie.

 

We do it ourselves, not necessarily about hosting, but like everyone, we probably do it to avoid the uncomfortable "one of us isn't interested in one of you" situations.

 

Point taken, and hopefully we will learn for the next time.

 

It's good to feel like a heel sometimes I guess, makes for some nice learning.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Cool. I am glad we are good because I meant no hard feelings.

 

And as slevin often does, as do others, he boiled down my long winded reply to a far more succinct point in explaining what I meant. I do need to work on being less long winded. Thank you once again slevin

[Alura 2,774]

Alura, yes couples can be fun. We constantly strive to find couples to play with, it's just a rough thing to match up. With kids and babysitting schedules, finding a 2v2 match isn't easy for us to say the least. We have 5-10 couples on a working list at this point, none of which we can manage to schedule for one reason or another. A lot of couples with kids tend to be overbooked with kid activities, jobs and whatnot, and only have 1 or 2 free nights a month. And lining up those nights between everyone isn't very easy, and typically one of those nights is the same as a big monthly party, so we all go there instead. No playing though, since parties aren't onsite.

 

Maybe it's a bit different in my neck of the woods compared to yours, or maybe back when you were more active it was different, not sure. Around here though typically what we find is at a big party, it's a dancing/socializing thing, and then later on some people go off to hotel rooms. The hotel room part though only works if you have overnight babysitting, which we rarely do (we did have it on new years). Otherwise you merely make new contacts and flirt with existing ones at the party and try to hook up later.

 

We guess maybe it's more commercial than it used to be? Definitely seems more mainstream to us, we came across some old pictures of my wife's dad from the early 70's and it was pictures of naked parties. That is what we have in mind as swingers parties being, a bunch of adults playing games, talking, and standing around in various states of undress. And some house parties are like that, but the large hotel parties are not. They are more like dance parties with a wider range of attendees and more kissing/touching going on.

 

 

As far as singles being married, most of the ones we come into contact with are divorced. We also play with other hall pass singles, so obviously they are married and we've met their spouses. Actually in retrospect, (not saying this is the way it always is though), the only ones that have given us trouble have all been supposedly pure singles, never married/no kids. We have had good experiences with other hall pass or divorced people, and all have been at our house or theirs.

 

Thanks for the explanation, Tom. You're right that things were different when Laura and I were playing. I was also blessed with a wife who had an almost uncanny ability to read people, even from a distance. As I've mentioned, she had two degrees, one in communication and one in psychology. When asked, though, she'd sometimes say, "I have two degrees in paying attention." For the most part, we didn't meet our playmates through the lifestyle, a term we hadn't heard of then.

 

Laura's "readings" weren't always successful, though. Once, while on business in Amarillo, we met an attractive couple from California at our hotel swimming pool. They joined us for dinner. During dessert, thinking "What the hell! We'll never see these folks again," Laura asked her favorite question: "How do y'all feel about mate sharing?"

 

Well, their answer wasn't positive. The short ride back to the hotel was icy, and indeed, we never saw them again. The next time she asked the question, though, was somewhat more rewarding.

 

We did try playing separately early in our marriage. We were both successful in getting laid, but found it boring at best and decided it wasn't for us.

[MN Tom 251]

Alura, we haven't had the guts yet to actually bring up that question to random people.

 

Although I have to say it's rare that just the two of us are out anywhere in a situation where we could, only places I can readily think of are when we are at a bar meet that isn't a takeover.

 

Mrs Tom has done some vanilla pickups, but that is just SM's, not couples. None of those have worked out, the vanillas tend to flake out when the spouse is mentioned, seems that more of the singles prefer the "cheating" viewpoint than the "open marriage" style.

 

 

Your stories are wonderful, keep them coming.

[Alura 2,774]

What a nice thing to say, Tom! Thank you!

 

I wouldn't advise to "randomly" ask the question. One needs clues that would suggest they might entertain the idea, or at least be willing to talk about the subject. Laura later admitted she thought the chances of a positive reply from the couple in Amarillo was, at best, 50—50. The odds need to be better than that. She only asked because she thought it unlikely that the lady would pull out a shootin' iron. The worst she had to risk was a pair of quiet passengers on the ride back to the hotel, and that's exactly what she got.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Given the way his response was worded, I would draw the same conclusions you did... the roommate is either a wife or his parents, otherwise why would it be an issue if he brings a female home? He's a mid-20's guy I would not think this would be the first time.

[wifes_toy 53]

I see several good things in this thread.

 

1. Follow your gut. For good or bad you got a bad feeling and stopped going forward. My wife also has an uncanny way to read people and if she says no then no. Not infallible, I was able to read a guy was up for fun before she was. Luckily he sent a nicely worded text about getting together.

 

2. Assess what it was that bothered you after the situation. Talking here is one good way. Not every one can figure out why they get that gut feeling. Some may agree, some may disagree. In OUR case the next question would have been whats up with your room mate? We would get a good reply or more stumbling. And the cheap hotel could mean he is broke or he has a fantasy for cheap hotel sex. Also, whats a cheap hotel? To some $100 a night is a cheap hotel. No harm in asking.

 

I am going to say you did good at not getting into a bad situation but may have missed an opportunity. That is better than the alternative.

[MN Tom 251]

Wifes toy, yeah in the end we basically went with our gut.

 

And at this point, our gut has worked out pretty well. Maybe we have missed some fun times, on the same hand we know we missed some lame times too.

[Toys4T 15]

I am single,and I can't host. I live with somebody that works at home and is pretty much there 24/7 and we are related. I'd rather not admit the whole thing to others out of pride.

 

Getting a room could be good, but honestly it's not an expense I can afford.

 

I have noticed a lot of guys that wanted to meet can't host or get a room...they don't usually say why.

 

I tend to think mostly they are attached or something.

[olderyder 15]

Maybe this is a stupid question, but why should anybody be held up to scrutiny just because they say they can't host? Is it really anybody else's business exactly why someone can't host? I thought the LS was supposed to be about sex, not a scrutiny of peoples personal lives. My Mrs. is in the LS as a "married unicorn", but the sum of the reasons why she chooses not to host is really nobody's business but ours. Personally, if I were still in the LS, I think I would be more interested in seeing a recent Doctors report that the prospective "date" is not infected in any way.

[MN Tom 251]

Not sure if that is directed at us olderyder, but in our case we don't ask if they have a normal response, such as "is this hotel ok? or "I prefer to go to this hotel"

 

The Mrs has gone out with a few guys who have done just that, they made no mention of hosting, they just suggested a hotel right off the bat. Perfectly fine.

 

This guy decided to give her more information than she asked for (we never ask about income levels or specifics about where someone lives beyond the city name), and then came up with an excuse which ran counter to that information.