Age Differences within Couples

[Roxysbayou 20]

Is it just me? I have noticed that a large majority of swingers in our area seem to have a large span in ages (I mean within a couple). I know that of few of the folks here do as well. This is just an observation, I don't mind it as long as they don't remind me of my dad...lol. But I see a lot of 30 year old women with 45 year old men, or similar. I guess that my question is...do you find this to be true? Or are you a couple with an age gap? If so have you find any negatives or possitives from such a gap?

 

My SIL is 25 and is dating a man that is 38. He is wonderful and I hope that she marries him, but at the same time I wonder if she should have any concerns.

 

Just for the record I am one year older than Andy. He is the only guy that I have been serious with that was not older than me.

 

Roxy

[oleretired1 15]

My hubby is 8 years older than me and we have not found any issues with that age difference. I have always preferred older men since those in my age range always seems so immature (at least when I was younger)...and I cannot imagine anyone other than my hubby being with me now. So I think the age difference depends on the people involved.

[OhioCouple 41]

We have a 15 1/2 year age difference between us. We have had no problem meeting swinging couples that range from mid 30's to early 60's. (I am 42 and he is 58) When we first began dating, if anything, we had less than acceptance with main stream society.

 

I think as you get older, age gaps make less of a difference. I will admit though, I'd feel a little strange around a 20 year old with a 50 year old.

[oriel 15]

The disparity is rarely the other way around though - that is, there are fewer older woman/younger men couple. I guess that in this, as in so many things, the swinging world reflects the wider world, proving once again that swingers are just average people

[EternallySingle 32]

Most couples I know are either the same age and dated in high school or college, or the man is 8 to 15 years older than the woman. I think it is because most women, no matter what their age, see themselves as more mature than men their own age.

 

Want proof? I actually started getting more dates with women my own age once my hair started thinning and I stopped coloring the grey in my goatee. Nothing I did or said changed, but I looked older and that seemed to make a difference for some reason.

[Ashley 22]

Well we are an anomaly. I have posted about this before...lol.

 

L is 45 and loves older women, I'm talking sixtyish here. I'm 48 and I adore younger men (30's and 40's). We do have trouble agreeing on couples to swing with for that reason. I'll probably get flamed here but I find that older men, in general, have more problems with their erections and are more resistant to using condoms, probably because it creates more problems with their erections. On the other hand, when I'm 60 I hope some handsome young stud like L wants to swing with me

[Misty&Todd 16]

Hubby is 6 years older than me im 25 and he is 31, the only prob per say is that he has hit and passed his sexual peak and i peaked at 18 and havent come down yet (i dont forsee comming down at all) :evil:

[Alura 2,775]

We have a fifteen year age difference. The only one who thought it basically "wrong" was Mrs. Alura's mother, who first said I was "old enough to be Mrs. Alura's father." I pointed out to her that I had doubts she would have slept with a fourteen year old boy when she was 27, which is what would have been required for me to be Mrs. Alura's father. After we'd been together about sixteen years she seemed to accept that we were happy and it might last.

 

We don't know if we've had any problems "connecting" with other couples because of the age difference. Our playmates have generally been around our ages, mostly near Mrs. Alura's. One long-term couple we played were nearer my age. We haven't actively sought partners, just getting to know people and letting the "play" evolve or not evolve.

[ArcaneReference 16]

My husband and I have a 2 year age difference, but my first (I sound like Liz Taylor here) was 12 years older than me which makes a huge difference when you're 19/ 20 years old, although I don't think it would matter much now. We (obviously) didn't last, and I think it was not so much age as maturity. At 20 I was not ready to deal with the stresses of real life and his actual, not necessarily sexual, life experiences were way more in focus than mine.

 

In answer to Roxy's question, so far we still have only played in threes and so I cannot say whether there is a disparity of ages in the couples who swing. Hopefully we find out soon.

[alabamafuntonig 20]

I am only 4 years my wife' senior but sometimes the age factor plays into things...I'm not sure if it a gripe at the time of an argument or just a real concern...

 

As far as the larger gap...15 years etc...well I find a lot of couples we know down here in Alabama are that way, swingers or not. I think it may be a cultural thing. I'm not sure roxie, why don't you do a poll and let us all find out the average gap between couples?

 

(although I love my wife, when I'm 80 and if she passes on before me I'm going to marry the first 21 year old that says yes lol )

[OhioCouple 41]

Quote

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig

... why dont you do a poll and let us all find out the average gap between cpls....

Actually "Bama" there is an ongoing poll that shows the diversity in ages of members of the board. You can find it here:

 

What Age Group Are You?

[jdf7379 17]

J is 7 years younger than I...I haven't noticed any problems with the age difference. I think J was suprised to find out that I was a little older. I had such a baby face and plus I hadn't yet settled down any. Since this was both of ours first marrige...alot of life's "first" we still get to experince togehther. The only major differece is I still love to old Brat Pack movies...J thinks I'm such a geek!

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by Ashley

I'll probably get flamed here but I find that older men, in general, have more problems with their erections and are more resistant to using condoms, probably because it creates more problems with their erections.

Well speaking only for my husband, I wish sometimes he would slow down a bit. He is 58 and the man can flat out wear me down to nothing. No erection problems (except on our first swing experience and that was nervousness) no viagra, no enhancers, no anything. He is definitely a 24/7 kinda guy and it doesn't take much for it to be standing at attention. Well, maybe a fleeting thought.

[BodyScape02 21]

Well we're one of those few couples were the female is older. She's in her 40s and the male is 35.

[Roxysbayou 20]

Going along with my other thread, Is it just me? Here is a poll to determine the age gap among couples.

 

Also who is the oldest- him or her?

 

 

I am 1 year older than my hubby.

[TymKeepr 16]

As he says, he's a certified "old phart" with a shiny AARP card and all! Though I think us both working with younger people and having kids still in school keeps us both young. At least we like to think so!

[Ashley 22]

No erection problems (except on our first swing experience and that was nervousness

 

Ah, but you said the two of you don't use condoms. I think that makes a huge difference in sensitivity.

[OhioCouple 41]

Originally posted by Ashley

Ah, but you said the two of you don't use condoms. I think that makes a huge difference in sensitivity.

You are absolutely correct, Ashley, with the exception of one of the three couples that we play with and that is because both the other woman (sounds risque doesn't it , never thought I could say that in a positive light...lol) is fertile and so is my husband. In this case he wears them and does not incur any problems.

 

The main point I was trying to make is that he has no problems with erections at any given moment. That man could wear a constant hard on. He looks at me and it goes to attention. I guess that is good, 'eh?

[Brit_Pair 62]

I have the edge on her by a year. But given that women are supposed to be more mature than men of the same age, it means that I still have to hold her hand when we go to the shops.

 

[DragonsLair 26]

I'm 13 1/2 months older than my husband and he never lets me forget it. Especially for the month and 1/2 between our birthdays when I'm "2" years older than him.

[Michcouple 15]

I am 34 she's 31.

 

But both of us have dated much older and younger in the past.

[Alura 2,775]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

The main point I was trying to make is that he has no problems with erections at any given moment. That man could wear a constant hard on. He looks at me and it goes to attention. I guess that is good, 'eh?

 

I wonder if that is because men the age of Mr. O and myself now find that it takes all night to do what we used to do all night long?

 

Mr. Alura

[Uneed_Love 15]

I am 4 years younger than she

 

JC

[OhioCouple 41]

I am 42, he is 58

[BradAndJanet 70]

I'm 44 and she is 45...

 

-B

[uneed_love2 16]

Originally posted by Uneed_Love

I am 4 years younger than she

 

JC

 

I am 56 and he will be 52 on June 10

[ga_cpl_frknit 17]

I am 5 yrs, 4 months, 6 days younger than St. (not that I actually took the time to figure it out LOL) I am 29, he is 35.

 

However....apparently I don't LOOK 29. I got kicked out of a "toy store" once for not looking "at least" 18 and not having a valid picture ID on me (was a spur of the moment, "we were just driving by" kinda trip, otherwise I would have had the proper ID) I guess I'm supposed to be taking it as a compliment.

 

Of course, I don't think St. looks 35.....more like 29 if ya ask me. (ohhhh, brownie points for me when he reads this )

 

Tr. ~ who is up wayyyyy past her "under 18" bedtime, LOL

[sexypairca 41]

I am 30 and he is 35. Not a big gap but when we met he was quite surprised to find out that I had just turned 20 , I have always looked older than my age.

 

Annette

[Botcpl 15]

Originally posted by Misty&Todd

Hubby is 6 years older than me im 25 and he is 31, the only prob per say is that he has hit and passed his sexual peak and i peaked at 18 and havent come down yet (i dont forsee comming down at all) :evil:

 

Okay, "kids", I am going to have to slap you around a little bit. I'm about to turn 52 and V is about to turn 49. Maybe you can pick something up from our experiance.

 

You are just begining or sexual journy. Your husband is comming into the prime of his life. If he is in decent shape, the next 15 years will be his most productive phsically, financialy, emotionally and sexually. This the time when men, also, push themselves the most; they start businesses, they move up the ladder at work, raise families, coach soccer and baseball AND have a terrific sex life. And for the female, your really just beginning to find out what you can do with your body and your mind. Lots of women don't really get going until their mid to late 30's.

 

But, you can blow it in a minute.

 

You can get hurt, you can get sick, but for the most of us, we get out of shape and we can't do the phsical things we used to or as long; we get tired! It's a lot of work to lug an extra 30-40 lbs around ALL THE TIME! It's great exercise if you only do it for an hour every other day, but you have to recover.

 

I was 48-49 when I went to see my doctor; for the first time, I was really sick, I was tired, I couldn't sleep, it hurt when I did this or that. I told him I felt this way for a year or two, I thought that's how you feel when you get "old."

 

He chewed my ass out. He said I had another 20 years before I should start feeliing old, I was sick. Now take these pills, let the nice nurse poke you in the arm with sharp needle five or six times and start taking 30 minute walks.

 

Three years later and I've been walking, bike riding, ect. four or five days a week; I'm within 15-18% of my ideal body weight and I feel as good as I did in my late 30's. It is as if I have been given the last ten years of my life back to live again. I'm very lucky, others are not.

 

You are not at the peak of your lives and starting the downhill slide, but rather, you're just shifting in to third gear; you've got a ways to go before you max out.

 

P.

 

PS: Sorry for the rant here, but this is a subject that really hit a chord with me.

[Lorrie 21]

I'm older by three years.

[1freakincpl 15]

My wife is 13 years older then I am and we dont have any problems with communication or anything else. Im a 28 year old man and she is the woman that I fell in love with

[fredandwilma200 16]

My husband and I have a 14 year age gap between us. He is going to be 41 soon and I just turned 27. We dont think of it much however, some people ask if he is "loaded" LOL if only they truly knew..LOL

 

The one problem that we did have is that my step kids and I are closer in age. My step son is only 8 years younger then I and my step daughter is only 9 years younger then I am. So this has caused some problems in the house. I.E. step son no longer lives with us or his bio mother. Step daughter doesn't like it because she thinks I should be more of a friend then telling her what to do...but she no longer looks at the situation that way..she now sees me as some "old" lady..LOL

[TxCouple98 15]

Well he is 54 and i am 25, so we are one with a real age gap here. I met him when i was 19, and been together almost 6 years now. My family took the news pretty good, but his family did and still does have some issues with the age diff. His kids have been the main issue, but they are coming around. His daughter is actually a few years older than me and his son is a year younger than me. I know for some that they might freak at something like that and think it is wrong, but no harm has been caused to anyone. We have no issues on talking about things or having things in common. We realize the issues that are related to haivng that big of age gap and have talked and delt with them. We do get some interesting looks once in a while, but oh well! Mostly older women will give a dirty look, and most older guys give amused looks. My friends at first were a lil surprised but got over it. Still have friends my own age and go out and all that stuff. I guess over all i look at it this way, you don't pick who you fall in love with. Also, have nothing to complain about in the sex dept. Just cause a guy gets a lil older doesn't mean everything goes down hill. We do a good job of wearing each other out!

[zebrahead7557 16]

My husband is 19 years older than me(I'm 29,he's 47) & we have been married for two years. Allot of people think he is about 34 so it has not been a big deal with us. He is the first guy I have been with that I have a large age gap with. I have always date guys that were between 3 to 6 years older than me since most guys my age can be so immature, doing whatever their friends tell them to or just can't handle being with a confident woman who knows what she wants. I also like how my husband is well educated & has experienced life because he teaches me things & has an open-mind. Plus he can handle my confidence & not look at it as a threat.

[flkeyscouple 21]

I thought I'd bump this up. It's been a long time since it was 'active'. It's interesting to see how the age difference effects the different people.

 

We are just under two years apart. Pretty 'normal' I guess.

 

Sarah

[richdon03 31]

Interesting. My wife is 9 yrs younger than I am. My sister-in-law is 9 years younger than my brother. My wife's sister is 9 years older than her husband. My mother is 12 years younger than her current husband. My youngest brother is about 11 years younger than his life-partner. In our family, sizeable age gaps as well as a healthy dose of "jungle fever" are normal. This is not something we given much thought to. Though I do admire those guys in the lifestyle who are 50 and married to 20- or 25-year-olds.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

Mr. Menage is 45 and Mrs. Menage is 30 with The Other Mrs. Menage being 44........so we have the age gap going as well but they have never experienced any problems as a result of that and I haven't seen it since we've been a triad.

 

The Other Mrs. Menage

[Mrs.PaganLovers 15]

I am 10 years older than Mr. PL. Been married for almost 12 years and we are still on our honeymoon There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't tell me, many times, how much he loves me, and he is the love of my life. I am one very lucky woman!!!

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

[rpu3 630]

I am 11 years younger than my spouse, although there are some days I swear he's 30 years younger than I am, and he'll swear I'm 30 years older than he is.

[menher1559 17]

We've found that age differences in couples usually doesn't come into play until the later years of the older partner. My mother recently lost her husband. He was 19 years older than she. When they married, it wasn't a big deal, but as he aged, the difference really began to show. He was almost 80 when he died, mother is only 59.

 

I guess all that boils down to the committment you're willing to make to the relationship over the long haul

[aahours1 16]

I have not found anyone in the same or longer span of age than myself and my fiancee. I am 56 y/o and she is 36 y/o. Not a problem here, at all. Her ex husband could NEVER bring her to a big "O" he just thought of himself. I get her going, squirting and screaming ALL the time along with her lady friend, with her permission. But 20 years different here and we own a swingers club also in Michigan

[Tybee Swing 286]

Great thread!

 

Going all the way back to the OP's questions:

 

This is just an observation, I don't mind it as long as they don't remind me of my dad...lol. But I see a lot of 30 year old women with 45 year old men, or similar. I guess that my question is...do you find this to be true?

 

We see it sometimes, but not that often (a large noticeable age gap, that is). Our experience goes along with the results of the poll, with the great majority being within a few years of each other's age. Now, if the older of the two with an age gap was taking great care of him/herself and didn't look their age, that wouldn't be a noticeable age difference, and we wouldn't know anyway!

 

Or are you a couple with an age gap? If so have you found any negatives or positives from such a gap?

 

In my case, my first husband was 13 years older than I was. The marriage lasted for many years, but mostly by my sheer will and determination to not get a divorce. I'm sure he married me because he perceived a much younger woman as being malleable - he could make me into who he wanted me to be. The more I grew up through the years, the less he liked it. We did not swing together - he was a stick-in-the-mud about most things, and sex was no exception. It never would have happened with him. If he was the type to swing, and I picture the two of us as a couple again ( ) and in the swinging community, I don't think we'd fare very well as a couple. I've aged very well; he hasn't. He easily looks like my dad now. I believe that the couples I know and am attracted to wouldn't be interested in him.

 

Mr. Tybee and I are in our 40's, but constantly mistaken for younger. Our age difference is only a few months apart. We look and act like a matched set. He and I have so much more in common, it's ridiculous! Having experienced both sides, I can't imagine going back.

 

Personally, I'm not attracted to significantly older-looking men. Note that I didn't say older, but rather older-looking. If a somewhat older man is very well-preserved, fit and healthy, young-at-heart and full of stamina, that sounds fine to me. I think that too much of an age difference would be a deal-breaker for me in swinging, though. I just wouldn't be attracted.

[havefuninsun 122]

Mr. Fun is 6 years older than me ... the man I was with before Mr. Fun is 9 years older; my ex husband and I were within months of each other. Overall, I have always been more attracted to older-than-me men -- I'm sure Freud would have a field day with that one. However, a play partner of mine is 10 years my junior, so I like my youngin's too ...

 

I'm with Tybee -- "age" isn't a number as much as an attitude, a look -- but I think folks close to my 'rents age would have to be off limits (and I may think that too once my son is of legal age ... bleah ....)

[daisy girl 34]

For swing partners, I prefer older men. This is very interesting considering I look younger than my age (34). LOL

[sexcupid 809]

Jeff is 14 years older than I am. I'm 28, he's 42.

 

My ex-husband was 8 years older than me (we got married when I was 20).

 

Personally I've always had older boyfriends, the first serious one was 5 years older than me. Even now that I'm a little bit older, I still usually have been with men older than me (ranging from 5-17 years older). Not that I actually ask for ID or anything...."Sorry, you must be at least 5 years older than me or more to ride...next!"

 

Only have had a few my age or within a couple of years. Just has never been my thing. Not that I would throw away a good thing with someone closer to my age, but I have found someone that makes me happy and that's all I'm looking for.

[BorisNatasha 63]

Natasha is 5 years older than me. At 31, I am always the baby in the group when we play with another couple.

 

I am also the first man that N ever considered dating that was younger than her. It is customary in her home country for the man to be at least 5 years older. She finally broke that rule and found the love of her life.

[NCcuriouscpl 15]

To us, age is a frame of mind. It is WHAT the couple FEELS about themselves! We are both the same age.....lol, I'm 3 months older than MrNCCurious and of course he jokingly calls me the 'older woman'! We have played with couples much younger than us, much older and also in the same age group.

 

Everyone is different, and all were unique experiences. For some reason....we don't see age in people, just people!

 

 

MsNCCurious........