Advice from WOMEN. How did he get you into swinging?

[iluvurodsteel 2]

My girlfriend and I reconnected after many, many years. We are now both 50 and having the best sex of our lives. We've been together for over a year now, and living together for 9 months.

I want to tell you about ourselves, so that you might help me understand if I'm pushing too hard, or whether there is hope.

 

We average sex more than twice a day, since she moved in. Its so awesome.

 

She is a beautiful woman and never had a great sex life. Her ex-husband was 4" and could last for 2 minutes. So she never knew what it was like to have great sex.

 

We enjoy each other's bodies without guilt. We enjoy oral sex, anal sex, and just about any kind of sex between each other. She swallows every time, but loves it almost anywhere. When I eat her pussy, and finger fuck her ass and dildo her pussy, she always explodes. She's even gushed a few times, Wow!

 

We used to enjoy public sex. On the balcony of our hotel, as others might see. I once did her anally in an elevator and came in her ass in the adjoining stairwell of the hotel we were staying at. We've done it on golf carts, in the car, on the side of the road, . . . the list just keeps getting bigger.

 

But then, she agreed to let me take her to Hedo in Jamica. WOW!

We loved each other everyday, almost every minute. Within minutes, she was in the water, blowing me while others sunned in the water near us. She openly sucked me in the piano bar. The girl is so great.

 

We fucked in so many locations, and just loved the open sex.

 

We then went to a swinger's campground, and she openly sucked me in the resturant, in the hot tub, where another woman offered to help. And then we had sex in a room with several others.

 

Finally at the local sex club we've gone three times and had open sex in front of dozens of others. My favorite time, was when this one young guy had two women laying on the couch next to me, while they did each other and themselves, all within smelling distance. She was sucking my cock, while others looked over our shoulders, as two hot chicks danced around a pole mere inches in front of her face on my cock.

 

We are returning to hedo and to these other places, but she has said she didn't want to do a three way. I've not pushed, but I'm game for either an MMF or a fmf, as every guy would like.

 

I don't want to push her, but from where we started, to where we are now! OMG.

 

We don't enjoy public sex anymore. We want to enjoy sex openly without offending anyone, so the sex clubs and Hedo beach, is where we want to be.

 

I mention it to her in fantasies, but she continues to reject it when we go too far.

 

Any help in easing her burden by examples of you women and how you finally were talked into it would be helpful.

 

And don't say NOT TO PUSH. Life is too short not to experience a dream, but I am delicate, or I try to be. But what I want to know, is what finally put you over the top. How did you finally let go of your inhibitions and say, hey, I'm into a romantic sexual threeway or four way with my man.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I don't think there's anything else you can or should say. My husband brought up the topic without actually saying, "would you?" It was more, "I heard about this swinging thing, what do you think of that?"

 

From there we talked a lot and I researched a lot, especially on this board. So she might be interested in reading these forums to learn more about it. Really, from your description it sounds like she is just not interested in the two of you having sex with other people. There's not a lot you can do to change that. I would keep enjoying what you have together and as everyone will tell you, "don't push her"

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

(man breaking in here; if you don't want men at all to respond in this thread, feel free to disregard or tell me as much and I'll delete the post)

 

I didn't talk my wife into it, and I doubt you'll find many swinging wives who feel they were talked into it. All we did with each other was open doors. Like funcoupledayton said, it was something we just started talking about. Some seeds for the idea might have been planted many years earlier, but I had no expectation or even nascent belief that it might turn into something, and it wasn't intentional either.

 

I think you should thank your lucky stars that you have such a wonderful, incredible woman in your life. Anything past that is pure gravy. Maybe some day she'll want to play with others. But, there's no convincing to do, no tipping point to be approached, no way of causing it to happen. It happens on its own.

[Tina and Bob 236]

I think all you can do is what you are doing. Keep exposing her to these situations. I think it's sweet that she is perfectly satisfied with you and the amazing sex you two have together. Has she actually seen another woman engaged in sex with two men? Just be patient with her and keep talking with her about how you feel; I do think she'll eventually come around. Good luck, Tina

[Crosswords 92]

Sounds like you have done what you can. The only additional thing that pushed me over the edge is that we went to a few strip clubs and bought lap dances for me. Experiencing being touched by another woman, and later on, seeing that I was okay watching him being touched by another woman, kind of bridged the gap for me between sheer fantasy and swinging.

 

Regardless of what happens, enjoy your wonderful relationship!

 

Mrs. C.

[LFM2 1,482]

 

We are returning to hedo and to these other places, but she has said she didn't want to do a three way. I've not pushed, but I'm game for either an MMF or a fmf, as every guy would like.

 

Any help in easing her burden by examples of you women and how you finally were talked into it would be helpful.

 

And don't say NOT TO PUSH. Life is too short not to experience a dream, but I am delicate, or I try to be. But what I want to know, is what finally put you over the top. How did you finally let go of your inhibitions and say, hey, I'm into a romantic sexual threeway or four way with my man.

 

It sounds like you're having a great time exploring places and things. Good for you both!!

 

I want to say though that nobody talked me into anything. He mentioned it, but I was the one that did the research and from then on, everything just kinda fell into place. I don't think husbands or wives can "talk" their spouses/significant others into swinging. It's something that they have to reconcile on their own.

 

I don't believe there is nothing you can do or say to change her mind. She has to want to do this on her own.

[Learning 160]

Mr. Learning learned my fantasy when he was trashed one night at a hotel. I assumed he forgot and six months passed, and we don't talk about it. I stumbled on the computer one night and found he was peeking at SLS. I was pissed, I thought he was wanting to cheat. I googled and found this site and it opened my mind to swinging after doing some researching. We went to Vegas, saw him getting a lap dance/he saw me and I chatted with him about being open to the idea. He did not talk me into anything. If he would have, I would not have participated in this type of lifestyle.

[LFM2 1,482]

It sounds like you're having a great time exploring places and things. Good for you both!!

 

I want to say though that nobody talked me into anything. He mentioned it, but I was the one that did the research and from then on, everything just kinda fell into place. I don't think husbands or wives can "talk" their spouses/significant others into swinging. It's something that they have to reconcile on their own.

 

I don't believe there is nothing you can do or say to change her mind. She has to want to do this on her own.

 

OMG... My grammar sucks.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'm going to say what you don't want to hear "Don't Push". Anytime you push someone you are just more likely to push them away.

 

She is already heading towards what you want, if it's going to happen it's going to happen naturally. She knows your fantasy, she's let you know she's not ready or not interested. Enjoy what you have. There are so many others who wish they had what you have and you take it for granted.

[iluvurodsteel 2]

Thanks to all that have replied. After re-reading my comments about "talking" her into it, I realized that I'd poorly described my question.

 

Let me reiterate, this woman has made my life worth living. I love that we are obsessed with each other. Its wonderful. We've weathered a lot of external storms of late, so our relationship has withstood some very difficult times and we are still going strong. So there is absolutely nothing that I would want less than to "talk" her into anything. Hell, I'm not sure that I could do it. In fact, I know that for me to take that leap, it would only be if "she" was holding my hand very tightly.

 

As an example, on our recent trip to Jamaica, while in a Taxi ride, shared by our Hedo friends, I openly teased her about the cure for the hiccups. Our friends taunted her from the back seat, as I did too. Finally she said, "pull it out", and I was shocked. I couldn't do it, out of fear she was just bluffing. The cab was dark, and our friends couldn't really see anything, so maybe the darkness and the alcohol caused her inhibitions to go down, but she pulled out my dick and sucked me for a minute or two.

 

So I do not want to jeopardize anything with the love of my life.

 

But part of what makes our relationship so great is our honesty. We've openly talked about this part of our relationship. It would be desperately wrong for her to submit herself to my desires, as much as it would be for me to deny my own true desires. Fortunately, my own true desire must include her absolute willingness. Actually, I would need more than willingness, I'd need her to initiate the process for me to really believe she wasn't just being obligatory to me. I'd hate for her to ever do that.

 

But again, my reply was to learn if there are things which encouraged you to explore that side of your sexual selves"?

 

When you are raised conservative fundamentalist judeo christian, its hard to break through those puritan walls. How one goes about becoming more comfortable with breaking down those walls was the gist of my question.

 

Again thanks for your replies.

[lotsoffun201 175]

Ok...this is the Mr here and I would like to contribute my two cents

 

You ask about breaking down the Judeo Christian walls and here is my answer to that as well as my story (the Cliff Note version)

 

I was married for 14 years and the ex and I grew apart. Much of it was, IMHO, lifestyle related. I think she just decided she wanted more sexually with no regards to emotional support or the children. It had gotten so bad that I wanted nothing to do with the lifestyle and focus on us. She refused and I left. We haven't spoken a word since.

 

FAST FORWARD.....

I was a member of a mainstream dating site for a month and met a very intriguing woman. She was NOTHING like I was used to. VERY conservative Christian, had a ministry, lived in a church, parents were church pastors.....etc BUT she had a "darker side" in that she was VERY sexual, and had very few limits which she was open about. She felt rather repressed her whole life and in fact was recently in the process of a divorce when we met. Her ex (also with the same supposed values) had left her for another woman.

 

I never kept what I did a secret from her as I figured it would eventually come out, although I did wait a considerable time in our dating until I told her. I also told her that I did not really wish to continue with it, but SHE was the one who was intrigued. I NEVER forced the issue, and kept pushing it aside as something I didn't wish to talk about. As time progressed and she continued to try to talk about it with me, I relented and began to discuss all that it was about. She had me take her to a party (upscale one) where many of my old acquaintances would be.

 

While very nervous initially she assimilated VERY well and even participated. To her it broke her out of her shell and allowed her to publically express herself in a way she was not able for so many years. When people approach her about this and how she can rationalize it she basically quotes verse and while not all that adept with it, I think I can paraphrase it appropriately.

 

1. "The marriage bed is without boundary and what a couple wish to do makes it sacred between themselves"

2. "A couple, through the act of intercourse become one flesh." Since penetrative sex with either of us is not something we do, that remains sacred between us.

 

Well there is my / our story and my two cents. I hope this helps

[BigNikki 43]

Big Nikki here.

 

Not immediately on topic, but we got each other into swinging, so to speak.

 

As soon as we were introduced we became lovers. And then screwed like crazy. Now I think interest in swinging usually starts when domestic sex has lost some of its allure. But we were still in the entranced stage when we both brought up the topic.

 

And it was probably only a month or so since we had become lovers.

 

You know how you can sense someone is about to talk about something, and you both speak like you were in a Vulcan mind meld? So almost simultaneously we each said words to the effect of "I've heard about . . .", "Do you think we should try . . .", "Let's do it this weekend."

 

And so we did.

 

Atypical us.

 

-- Big Nikki

[angelkin 1,326]

It was my idea, not his...

[oc1234 435]

It was not something either my wife or I had discussed. We are nudists and had gotten to know another nudist couple quite well and we often went to each others houses.

 

We had all started doing a little flirting, but nothing overtly sexual. One night when we were all at our house nude, which was very common when we got together, My wife and my male friend were lying on the carpet on one side of the room with him massaging my wife and I was on the other side of the room doing the same thing to his wife.

 

After about ten minutes, I looked over and saw that my friend had progressed from massaging my wife to having intercourse with her. Once I saw that I motioned for my friends wife to look over too. She smiled and we started to have sex too.

 

So, even though neither my wife nor I brought up the subject to the other, my wife was the one that started the ball rolling and got us into swinging.

 

We finished before my wife and friend who had by that time gone into the bedroom, so we sat on the sofa and listened to them finish up, and I must admit that we walked over to the bedroom door a couple of times to watch them go at it.

 

While we were sitting on the sofa listening, my playmate mentioned that her husband had wanted to have sex with my wife for a long time. The feeling was mutual. I had wanted to have sex with my friend's wife for a long time too, but I had never mentioned it to anyone, even my wife.

 

After that wonderful evening, all my wife and I could talk about was doing it again. Unfortunately that wasn't to happen soon. While my friend was very interested, his wife really wasn't. With his wife's knowledge, my friend did have sex with my wife a number of times after that. I actually found that as exciting as having sex with my friend's wife.

 

Over the next few years we did flirt and play around a little with the two of them together, but we ended up having sex with them together only a couple of more times.

 

That was years ago and the couple has split up, but we still have remained friends with both.

 

The man has been my best friend since that original event, and he still gets together with either my wife alone or with the two of us for an occasional threesome.

[twistedpretzels 100]

Mr Twisted has been patient and caring. And so I feel 'in control' I take care of most contacts.. and if not we *always* blind copy whatever we write to another cpl or single...

except once....

Mr got a bit over excited when I started to procure a woman who was interested in us. I was willing to connect and agree to one time with this fem (to start with)...

He wrote her after I sent her email addy to him but he wrote her and did not blind copy me. I found out from HER what a wonderful letter he wrote.... Boy, was I pissed... He had never not BBC'd stuff before... And while his head was still in the clouds he also confessed how excited he was to see how this tryst was going to work out over the next few months or...or... whatever.... ARGH....

But I was not clear with Mr Twisted that I was willing to get my toes wet and give this fem a one time try... or maybe I was not clear with myself. I often just assume Pete has access to all the voices in my head.......

Man, is it noisy in there....

Jill

 

"My life is just one big learning curve":lol:

[sweet_tna 680]

I came from a very conservative background, but have always had that wild side. Once the idea of swinging was presented to us (by friends who confessed their new hobby to us), I grabbed on with both hands. Mr. Sweet was only too willing to follow. Turns out, he was afraid I wouldn't be willing, so he didn't say anything to me.

 

It was relatively easy for me to shuck off the traditional Judeo-Christian ethic of monogamy but knowing that every day people (versus movie start/rich people) did this made it seem more . . . normal to me.

 

=)

[iluvurodsteel 2]

I started this thread over two years ago. A lot has happened since then, so I thought I'd share.

 

We both evolved into the nakedness and hot sex. I had always been interested in another woman, but never considered a man in the mix. With the many times we have engaged in sex, the idea became very interesting to me. But we still were newbees.

 

We continued to return to our nude resorts, and finally we went to a swinger's resort in Mexico. Well, I was not ready for that. We were approached openly to be involved with a very sexy couple, but I kept deferring to her. She kept saying no, no, no, just you and me, and I said fine, but at the resort, she got drunk and sucked two guys cock in the hot tub. Just for a few minutes mind you. There was a lot of that going on in this hot tub.

 

We had the best sex after that event. She sucked two guys and I was in heaven, but she claimed she did it only for me. And so I stopped pushing.

Then we went on vacatoin with two other couples, one that was full swingers. We go into our hot tub and had great couple fun, but no swinging.

 

When we returned, she put her foot down and said, she wants naked hot tub fun, but nothing more. Just nakedness. That she wanted the only one to be in our bedroom to be me and her.

 

Well I was dejected. We had come so far, and yet, now she wanted nothing more to do with it, outside of just going to these nude places.

 

I said, I was done with it. I said that I love vanilla sex, but I absolutely love Neopolitan. I want variety I want to experience freedom.

 

So I said we won't go to these places anymore. That I don't go to baskin robbins to stare at the ice cream, only to buy the vanilla again and again. I said no reason to go else where. We can just stay at home, monogomy.

 

She relented, and said she found a happy place to allow some soft swapping sex. Well, I have only been with three woman my entire life. My ex wife and one other one night stand when I was 18. She however, has been with dozens of guys. Many one night stands. And yet, now she says that she can find a way to suck some cocks, but no real hard swapping.

 

So I agreed, and we went back to Hedo, where she agreed to open the door to several other couples. We did get hit on, and it was fun, but nothing materilalized.

 

We joined a swingers site and within a few months were invited to a house party, where we nervously began this next step. Before you knew it, she was naked, sucking me and a new friend. Next thing I know she is being eaten out and sucking another cock. I was in heaven. I didn't have any sex that night but didnt' care. She even kissed three girls that night and bragged about it later, saying she thought she might be BI.

 

That turned me on big time. My god the sex was awesome.

 

So we again set up a few more vists with these new friends. One in which she is getting her pussy eaten by the girl, another where the girl is sucking me, etc. we were having fun, but then one of the guys asked if he could fuck her and she said yes, I looked at her, like okay. and as he put on his condom, she saw it and said, what are you doing, he told her and she freaked out. Said she never agreed to that. I said, yes you did. She siad no she didn't. I said fine. The girl was nice to her, and said, all if fine, as she swallowed my cum.

 

Well, this intimidated her. She is thinking that we cant' find anyone to play with unless we have to have full sex. I tended to agree. That most swingers want full swap and she wouldn't agree to it. I tried to keep the eyes on the prize and to keep it soft swap, but she began to say she was holding me back.

 

I tried to convince her otherwise, but to be true, I loved these times, and yet, I always beleived she was really doing it for me.

 

I mean, she was with a guy for 25 years and rarely had sex. I figured she just didn't have my libido. Although our sex together had been phenomenal.

 

So even after saying she was BI. Even after having some first steps into this arena, she decided that full swapping violates her principles, and if I can stay on that side of the fence, she would be fine. That her pussy is mine and mine alone, as is my cock.

 

Well this bothered me. I don't want someone telling me what I can or cannot do. I'm a very faithful person. I love her dearly, and I would never cheat on her, I still feel like she hsa no right to control me.

 

So last week, she drank some white wine, and began to talk, and as she did, her defenses came down. I literally set her up for failure. I got her to admit that she really preferred Vanilla sex with me, and didn't really want to do it again, unless and of course I do. Again, she didn't mind soft swap but felt like I and the other couples were pushing us.

 

Well, I said fine, if you really feel this way, then I'm not interested in going to the nude beaches and resorts. I'm not interested in fantasy sex. I'm not interested in anything other than pure vanilla. That I can't live my life, hoping and dreaming she will come around. Gees, my 52 years old, and I feel like I'm losing out on what I believed was the most wondeful times of my life. Now they are just a dream never to come true.

 

So there you have it. I'm going to therapy so I can find a way not to feel like having Freedom is necessary in my life. That sex is and always will be with one person, and never get involved in any of these things again. She says she likes most of what we do, but I say, that I cant' keep saying NO, to the people that approach us. Its like going to a buffet and not being able to eat.

 

So I've killed my libido. I just have to control it completely. We've not had sex in a few weeks, and that is unheard of for us. I just don't want to have to have sex in a vanilla manner. "Oh baby, baby," and thats about it, is no fun for me.

 

As I explained to her metaphorically, you enjoy riding your bike up and down the street in front of our home. While, I've been out on the highways, riding my Harley at full throttle, and I liked that thrill. Instead, I have to lock up my harley, and get used to the banana seat schwinn for the rest of my life.

 

So there you have it. I hoped it would be fireworks, and for a while, I believed we were there, or close to it. But the white wine made her say things that I interpret as nailing the coffin shut. She denies this, but I just am tired of tyring to convince her of what a great time we had. She has either been lying to me, or really had a great time, but now has grown weary of that as well.

 

So I can't leave her. I love her. I will just masterbate as often as I can to keep my libido in check. I just am sick that something as wonderful as what we had, wasn't worth keeping.

 

Oh well, that is my sad ending to what I hoped would be a great lifestyle change. I've deleted all of my accounts on the swingers sites, except for this one. I just had to get this off my chest.

 

Thanks

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Therapy sounds like a really good idea, maybe with couples counseling as well. In the meantime, if you really do love her more than you love the idea of swinging, you might work on managing your resentment and desire to punish her, because neither is a good ingredient in a healthy relationship.

[Jane1902 476]

She may never want to go farther. Have you asked her why? I'll give my perspective/history. I was in a monogamous relationship having amazing, best of my life sex (at the time). Prior to that I had long fantasized mfm. My partner asked me if I had ever fantasied about two men. I told him no, to me our sex was so special I didn't want to share it. She may not want to share you or experience someone else but still enjoy your spicy experiences.

[PSULioness 857]

Maybe she is an exhibitionist not a swinger.

Not all men have to get his “woman” to swing. Some women have to convince their man. Before we were married I had a 3some which was more a bi experience that included a guy. I had guilt and confessed to my boyfriend. It didn’t go over well at first. We almost split up. I think what convinced him to try was involving him in a 3some with one of my girlfriends. It must be easier to get a man to swing than a woman.

[Guest]

You (she) does all of that and you’re asking our advice?

[tbone1 79]

First off, I'd say you are a very lucky guy! Lots of guys would love to have what you have. My awesome wife and I also love Hedo. What a great place! I never would have believed we would be where we are in the lifestyle today. A few years ago at Hedo, this guy spent several days pretty much seducing her. She finally admitted to me that she wanted to fuck him, and the rest is history. I love my wife so much and we have been together for 44 years now, but we have also had fun with others during the last few years. In my opinion, the big thing that many people, especially the ladies, have to overcome is that there is a difference between sex and love. Another person or another couple is almost like a living sex toy in a way. It is adult fun that some folks enjoy. And while I/we can have some fun with others, it does not diminish our love for each other in the least. Depending on the circumstances and the people involved, it can also be about great friendships in addition to the sex. I am just repeating various things I have heard and read, but you could start by using toys and/or movies, and fantasize about another guy or gal or couple. At Hedo, you should have the opportunity to fulfill your fantasies. Good luck!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Maybe she is an exhibitionist not a swinger.

 

PSU may have hit the nail on the head. Still, the best and easiest way to find out is to ask her. Work on improving your communication so that you can openly talk about this and find out what her objections and limits are. Some women when they hear that their partner wants to swing think that they are looking for a replacement for them. Some women just aren't wired for swinging. The only way to really find out is to get her to open up and talk. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Numex 2,420]

She seems like the adventurous type, so let her take the lead. Tell her that you love her, trust her and that she can sexually explore in any direction that she wants without question, criticism or recrimination from you. It will likely not be an MFM or FFM threesome, but perhaps her alone with another person, a full couples' swap, or something neither you nor I are imagining now. Then enjoy the ride.

[Rngr 21]

You (she) does all of that and you’re asking our advice?

 

That's what I was thinking as I read that. I wish mine would do that. I'd love a threesom (at least I think I would). But it won't happen and I'm perfectly fine with that. We share her photos with others and enjoy the comments but that's as far as we have gone.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We share her photos with others and enjoy the comments but that's as far as we have gone.

 

...and look at that, we have a photo section that is waiting on your photos...

[Realfeel 16]

Therapy sounds like a really good idea, maybe with couples counseling as well. In the meantime, if you really do love her more than you love the idea of swinging, you might work on managing your resentment and desire to punish her, because neither is a good ingredient in a healthy relationship.

 

25yrs my wife said she wanted to have a threesome. Me watching

[Guest]

We were still just dating, me a widow and him divorced for 5 or so years. Another couple we met approached us with swinging, stating she was bi, he was not. The bi thing particularly threw me, had never considered bi activity, and so we talked about it, said no to the offer but continued to think and talk about it. I came to the conclusion that I would gladly engage with the other man, in a swap or otherwise or, even even do it with bf and another guy and conveyed this to bf. By chance, the male part of the couple came to town a month or so later, we met for drinks and ended up in our first MFM.

[Numex 2,420]

My wife doesn't post here, so I'll say. Before we got serious and got married, she had different boyfriends, kept going back to guys she liked. After we got married and we were monogamous, I told her if she wanted to see old boyfriends it was ok. She did by herself at first, now we do threesomes and couple swaps.

[jnrswinger 62]

This is a two way street. If you are having to "talk her into it" because she is not interested - don't! That just selfish. There is really no difference between "talking her into it" and "pushing her into it". It's just playing with words to make your conscience feel better. We only just started and I have wanted it for years, but it finally just happened on it's own and I'm glad it did that way (need to update my thread to let everyone know the good news) the great thing is she finally wanted it when the circumstances were right. (Boy did she ever!!) So just hang in there and talk about it occasionally low key when the opportunity comes up and don't keep bringing it up out of the blue, but don't press it too hard. Let it go if she shows no interest. You don't want to give her the impression you only reconnected for a swinging partner. If you are going to Hedo regularly one of these days it will probably happen. Patience!! If you lay off the subject for a while she may well come around on her own.