If you could change one thing about the way you swing...

[LFM2 1,484]

If you could change one thing about swinging in your relationship with your spouse, or if your single, what would it be? It doesn't have be just one... Name some things that would make swinging easier, or maybe you don't want to swing at all.

 

Dave and I were talking this morning about our little party we had last night and I brought this up. We've been swinging for close to five years now. We love that it's our hobby. It's not really our lifestyle. We don't rush out every weekend or weeknight in search of bodies. We're actually fine with only playing from once a month to once every three months.

 

Change? We'd change a lot of things, but I want to hear about you guys. What would you change?

[exploringRM 305]

I'd like to be 15 years younger But of course that can't be changed. I don't know if I would change anything. We have had alot of fun, meet a number of great friends. Both of us are laid back and friendly so I think that has contributed to our success. Something to change? My wife works alot of fridays or sat/sun shifts so that gets in the way of opportunities. We typically can't be spontaneous and planning more than 6 weeks out is hard due to not having her schedule.

[Learning 160]

Okay, Mr. Learning and I have discussed this a lot lately especially since we have been out of the lifestyle for 9 months because baby learning is due to come any day now. We know we are such slow paced swingers to the point where we even wonder if we will be able to jump back in ever because we like getting to know people. We won't be able to do that really anymore. Plus some of our friends have become at a higher level than our meager soft level and become essentially such awesome vanilla friends I just don't see us going anywhere. It's like we will be "swinger friendly" friends. What I am trying to say is that I wish we had that component to our personalties where we can connect quickly with others but we don't. That is something to both of our personalties where we chat but encounter others who are like "yeah we like them as people but...." we'll see down the road.

[celtic239 297]

My wife just said last night that she wished we had gotten into the lifestyle 10 years ago (while we were in our mid-40's).

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

A nanny. So we could skip the frustration of finding a baby sitter when we need one and it would be someone that had been with I children a great deal. We constantly think about the kids when are out and wonder if everything is okay. It multiplies several fold, to worry, when it is a new sitter.

 

That we had gotten into the lifestyle 15-20 years ago, but then again we probably couldn't have handled it, we needed the time for our relationship to mature. So I am sure it worked out for the best we didn't get into it sooner.

 

More time, so we did not feel so rushed on weekends that we party.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

I put this very good question to JoAnn and I have also considered it. Two or three years ago we would have been able to make a laundry list of things we would want to change. But today, nothing. We are in a happy place. But six years were need to arrive at this place. We have found just the right people and enjoy very special relationships with them. And we sincerely wish everybody the same kind of, or even happier, lifestyle experiences.

[ALilOEverything 901]

This is really a hard question to answer because if there was something to change I would be bringing it up to my husband to see what we could do about it. I'm very happy with where we are now. The frequency is at a pace we both are content with. When we feel like partying at a party we do that, if we don't we do something else. If we want a repeat performance with friends we've played with many times before we have a few great couples we can call up. If we want a totally new experience we go for that instead. We are good about not setting ourselves up for disappointment and if a night of potential play ends up just us we're always okay with that too. We have done so much talking over the past couple years and I don't think there is anything we have difficultly talking about. A year ago was a little rough but this year we have everything worked out.

[exploringRM 305]

This is really a hard question to answer because if there was something to change I would be bringing it up to my husband to see what we could do about it. I'm very happy with where we are now. The frequency is at a pace we both are content with. When we feel like partying at a party we do that, if we don't we do something else. If we want a repeat performance with friends we've played with many times before we have a few great couples we can call up. If we want a totally new experience we go for that instead. We are good about not setting ourselves up for disappointment and if a night of potential play ends up just us we're always okay with that too. We have done so much talking over the past couple years and I don't think there is anything we have difficultly talking about. A year ago was a little rough but this year we have everything worked out.

 

Our experiences are very similar. I feel it has contributed to a rewarding experience for us, little frustration; opportunities to play with friends as well as meeting new ones. Sure we have hit bumps but we learn and change.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Good question, We are just getting back into the "swing" of things after a 2 year break. And we have decided there are a few things that we are going to change.

 

First and foremost even though we love hosting events, we are not going to be doing as many, the stress of putting on monthly parties was one of the reasons we took a break. We have come to the conclusion that in our area we can't make any money from hosting/putting on parties, now that we know that we are approching them in a different way.

 

2nd at the events we host we are going to take more time to chat and get to know the people we are intrested in. We were spending so much time making sure that everyone was having a good time we were the 2am couple trying to find someone to hook up with.

 

3rd We are going to be asking for more help from others at the events, we will plan and set them up but we will be asking others to step up and help a lot more.

 

For us personaly we will be spending more time going to other events in and out of our area. We really like meeting new people.

 

Mr

[LFM2 1,484]

3rd We are going to be asking for more help from others at the events, we will plan and set them up but we will be asking others to step up and help a lot more.

 

For us personaly we will be spending more time going to other events in and out of our area. We really like meeting new people.

 

Mr

 

That is very important, I think. Nobody wants to ask for help, but things need to be put in perspective and we need to accept and ask for help.

 

As for your last thought, this is one thing we'd change as well.

[sweet_tna 680]

What an interesting (and timely) question! For the most part, anything Mr. Sweet and I have wanted to change about the way we swing, we've made.

 

But with Mr. Sweet's recent travels, I had begun wishing we could give the open marriage thing a try. And we discussed it. But while Mr. Sweet was okay giving me a "hall pass," he wasn't inclined to avail himself. Since this is ultimately an "us" thing, I decided to pass on the hall pass. So we wait 'till he's back home and decide where to go from there.

 

=)

[padoc 1,704]

We are very content with our decisions and choices regarding swinging. Our only regret is that we didn't discover it until our late 40's. Ohhhhh, if only we knew at 28 what we learned at 48!!

[two4youinswva 3,069]

We'd make our home better suited to host a party/overnighter for a party of five or six couples.

 

While living in a rural setting has its advantages, our best playmates all live at least an hour away. It'd be nice to have some friends a little closer than that for those spontaneous booty calls.

 

3rd We are going to be asking for more help from others at the events, we will plan and set them up but we will be asking others to step up and help a lot more.

Around here, at any event, whether swing related or not, there is always at least a two or three couples that naturally "help out" with very little prompting. We often help with the logistics at our local club, and we help some friends when they host a house party. We're not the only ones either. At the club, there's a few of us that make up an unofficial staff for the owners.

I'm betting there are similar couples at your events that would be more than willing to give a hand. Ask one or two to give you an assist, and I bet they'll run with it.

[willyoats 325]

I would not ask my wife to change anything.

 

For me, I wish that I could let her go off alone and not feel like I am missing something. The fact is that I love to see her having fun and being pleasured by another guy. She usually says it is OK for me to go along with them and watch or participate (She likes threesomes or moresomes.) But occasionally she and the other guy want to be alone.

 

Not surprisingly, that never bothers me if I am also occupied with another woman alone. But, if I am alone while she is gone, I stew a bit. It's never really a lingering problem because I hear all about it when she is done. But, there is a tiny bit of me that says, "I still wish I had been there to watch."

[Tina and Bob 236]

Bob and I wish we had met sooner, 2nd marriage for both, so we could have started swinging earlier as opposed to five years ago. We have met and made many dear friends, some have moved away out of State so while we remain friends the physical aspect is no longer there. Bob travels quite a bit and is gone about 2 weeks a month including weekends, so we wish we had more time together to be with each other and for swinging together. Occasionally I will travel with him, but I have my own job responsibilities. Fortunately we are open in our relationship and we both play alone, me more than Bob, we are 100% honest with each, so when we play alone it is communicated, no exceptions.

[sexcupid 809]

I wish I could relax more in regards to the swing activities...I still get really nervous before we go to an event.

 

Most of it is apprehension on my part...are we going to find someone to play with and since most of my experiences have not been earth shattering...I worry that my playmates are going to be impatient. Many of the things that we have gone to, I do feel like I'm bringing the best toy to the playground...and that toy is usually too exhausted by the end of the night I've definitely ended events with more frustration than not.

 

Of course, the fact that we have for most intents and purposes been on a break for at least a year and a half...maybe closer to 2 years...it feels like we're starting all over again *sigh*

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

I'd remove all the stress from it...lol. Actually, I'd love if we could just look at an ad, pick out a couple and go meet them 1 on 1 and have them turn out to be a perfect match.

 

My fantasy of swinging...lol.

[LFM2 1,484]

Mainly, I wish we would have started earlier in our marriage. I'm not sure if it would have worked as well, but it's been one helluva ride so far.

 

I wish we lived in a bigger area with a more diverse swinging group. More people.

 

I wish that we were compatible with more people. It hasn't been bad, but then again, I should be careful what we wish for. There is way too much drama in some couples and then in others, they're looking for an emotional bond and must be friends first and attend 30 social events and then they'll consider playing. That one to me is so messed up.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

I'd remove all the stress from it...lol. Actually, I'd love if we could just look at an ad, pick out a couple and go meet them 1 on 1 and have them turn out to be a perfect match.

 

My fantasy of swinging...lol.

 

This is very true, Julie I don't think that you are alone in this fantasy.

 

 

 

There is way too much drama in some couples and then in others, they're looking for an emotional bond and must be friends first and attend 30 social events and then they'll consider playing. That one to me is so messed up.

 

I agree with this as well, at least we have been able to "hook up" at most of the events that we attend. One of the reasons for this is we never sit back on our heels and wait for others to approach us, we are always "working" the room. Here is something that has worked well for us. We have calling cards with our contact info on them and a pic. When we find a couple or couples that we want to hook up with that night we write our hotel room number on the back and straight out invite them, works real well for us.

[SsHubby 56]

I agree with the removal of stress. I have read so much about "stage fright" that I pretty sure I"m going to have it. Talk about over-researching something.

 

As we are just getting started, I think I would would love to have had this secure a feeling many years ago. We have always had a great relationship but we needed to "grow up" more but now is as good a time as any.

 

And I would remove the stress involved in "screening" process. We need a perfect compatibility button to hit on the computer when we are going through ads.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

. . . We need a perfect compatibility button to hit on the computer when we are going through ads.

I'm going to borrow that line to put under our "Tell us about your fantasies" title at SwingLifestyle.

[JustAskJulie 2,597]

We'd be doing it more often!

[two4youinswva 3,069]

They said when we became empty nesters we'd have more time to swing.

They said it would be awesome, and we could play whenever we wanted, day or night.

They said to be patient and wait and see.

 

They were full of shit it seems. New commitments thrust upon us the day our kid went to seek her fortune has limited our playtime even more than before.

 

So, yeah, what Julie said in the post right before this one. :/

[Formybubu 56]

Since we have been in the Lifestyle for 13+ years we have changed a lot so from that aspect we are always changing to what best suits us.

So what would we change..............The house we bought. I wish we had a house with a seperate Mother in Laws Suite (or a Casitia) apart from the main house.

So we could still host a couple or 2 and still leave the kids at home.

[JessicaJamison 864]

All of our swaps would always be in separate rooms.  I hate an audience for the actual sex.  I'll be naked all day, but sex I wanna just enjoy it.