PLEASE, I need advice communicating with husband as well as potential partners.

[outofbounds 48]

Hi, I am brand new to this forum, 42, female, married. I want so swing, my husband is reluctant. He satisfies me in bed, no issues there, I love him with all my heart. He set a few rules right away, no MFM, only FMF threesomes will be acceptable. He doesn't want me to have sex, oral sex or any kind or sex with another man, although one can be present or watching, in a two couple situation and I am very okay with that rule. I am open to sharing him with another woman and anything that turns him on. We have some really great friends who swing but he is hesitant to be with people we know, while I am hesitant to be with strangers. We are having some friction dealing with all of these new ideas and haven't gotten together with any playmates yet. What do I do? How do I satisfy my hunger without hurting him? He thinks it may end our marriage if we play, I think our marriage is strong but I will be hurt and resentful if we don't play. I think it's an opportunity to share something beautiful and he feels attacked and threatened. Please help...

[MIbbwcpl 67]

I think that it's good that you haven't played with anyone yet. It is clear to me that you two still need to work things out and if you cannot come to agreement then it is best you don't play with others. Communication is huge in any relationship, and especially in a swinging relationship.

 

If you do decide to go forward, you might want to check out local swinger social groups and do a few meet and greets at off premises parties. That way you could meet new people, something he wants to do, and you could get to know them too, something you'd prefer. I can understand his hesitance to swing with people you already know, if things don't go well you could cause unneeded drama with your friends.

 

Ultimately I suggest you do some soul searching together and figure out what it is that you both want and whether or not you can meet each others wants. Do this before going forward with any playing.

[iceman7570 40]

I think it can be good to be open and honest about what you want with your husband, but when he states only fmf and no mfm and no sex of any type with another man it greatly restricts yourself and him. If I told my wife she could not have sex with another man and i could have sex with women, she would be on me like white on rice..... Sounds to me like he might have some insecurities and jealousy issues you need to work on, my self I enjoy seeing my wife being pleased even if I am not playing but just watching. Just my .02$

[couplers 4,588]

Hello, this is Petra. Since I am poly, but not a swinger, I will let others give you advice in that direction. But I have three observations to make:

-You are right to start out seeking to please your husband over yourself. Once he finds out how comfortable and wonderful it is, and how generous it is of you, he will want to give you the same. For now, take pleasure in what he is about to enjoy.

-If done right, this will strengthen your relationship. On both rational and emotional levels hubby and I are tighter than ever because we have allowed each other a fulfillment few achieve.

-Finally, be patient. Even if you both agree on a plan, depending on the type of extracurricular activity you are looking for it may not happen in a week, month, or even a year.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Hi and welcome to a place that you can feel comfortable. And, I might add, it seems to be getting more common for the wife to be more interested than the husband, so feel at home too!

 

Swinging has a lot of degrees of fun and pleasure. I think it begins with just being comfortable, and secure, enough to talk to your spouse about the people you see and know who you find sexy and appealing without either of you getting jealous or upset.

 

Then progressing to actually flirting and teasing in front of each other.

 

That, with an agreeable couple, can lead to soft swinging and maybe later to actual swinging.

 

To go from a monogamous relationship to talking about having sex with someone else could be threatening to anyone, wife or husband. Imagine when you were in your teens if you had a first date with someone you'd had a crush on and they picked you up and drove directly to a parking place and, without any kissing or foreplay, they asked you if you wanted to get in the back seat and have intercourse?

 

So, instead of setting rules for who has sex with who, maybe you should talk to him about the possibilities of playing strip poker, skinny dipping, or even going to nudist places at first? Once he meets couples, like yourselves, who are comfortable with these things then he should get more comfortable too. And, when he gets comfortable with you and the other husband being naked together and flirting, and he has the hots for the other wife..., well, I think he'll see that fairness in the trade!

 

OK, this is way too long for a welcome, isn't it? But, hope it's of some use to you.

[slevin 1,374]

I think it's dangerous to assume that if you go along with what he is comfortable with now that he will expand his comfort zone to include you being with other men. You are far better off deciding whether you are ok with only ever doing what he is comfortable with now. If things expand further than that in the future then great, but if not then at least you know you'll be happy enjoying what he is comfortable with.

[outofbounds 48]

Thank you all so much for all this advice, I am reading and learning and exploring how I feel every second of the day. I am very alright with no MFM, I don't feel I need that to be happy. I just want to share a beautiful sexual experience with my husband and other people who think like I do. I don't need to have traditional intercourse to be overwhelmed by pleasure. I like to watch, I like to touch and women are soft and beautiful. I'm not looking to move towards MFM, he is uncomfortable with that and I don't want any negative feelings in my happy little world. I can understand his feelings. I have no issues with FMF... or FMFFF for that matter! I don't think playing with the friends that we already know in the lifestyle will be stressful in any way, they are very easy going and they know a whole community of people we don't know yet. My husband agrees that they are a great way to meet new people. He just doesn't want to see if leak over into our lives at work or in our community or our family. I can understand his fears, we have much to lose by being judged by small minded people. I trust the friends I have so I am comfortable with being open about my sexuality in front of them. I have openly talked of these things in front of one or two friends in particular even tho' they are not potential playmates and do not swing, I guess that is the real issue here. Any advice on talking openly about these things with friends who are NOT a part of this lifestyle?

 

My husband and I talked it out again last night, I'm sure we will many times more. Please keep the advice coming, I need and appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

Any advice on talking openly about these things with friends who are NOT a part of this lifestyle?

 

Easy and short answer: Not worth it.

 

If you're concerned (and you seem to be) about the impact on your life if certain other people find out about you and your husband being involved in swinging (when you actually do swing), then I'd think you'd be equally concerned now, in considering swinging and talking it over with friends who are not swingers.

 

This forum is a fantastic resource. I realize we're not 'friends' in any traditional sense of the word. However, this forum will give you advice you may not want to hear. We'll tell you if you're making a frapping big mistake, and we'll tell you if we think you're doing ok.

 

"Vanilla' (non-swinging) friends really have no basis of knowledge to offer comprehensive, or even well based advice about swinging. They can certainly mean well, but the advice may be severely lacking. Even among open minded 'vanilla' friends, the advice you receive may miss the target completely.

 

My husband and I talked it out again last night, I'm sure we will many times more. Please keep the advice coming, I need and appreciate all of your support and words of wisdom. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

You have a long way to go yet. That's my simple advice. Your husband's concerns, fears, and desires are absolutely legitimate. So are yours. Right now, they don't agree and that's ok.

 

I'm very concerned about your earlier comment that not swinging might cause your marriage to be irreparably harmed. I was rather shocked at that. I can understand your desire to swing, believe me, but remember where home plate is.

 

You and your husband need to be a team. Many times we counsel newcomers here that swinging for a couple should always...always...proceed at the pace of the slower of the two partners in a couple. It's great that you want to swing. It's great that your husband is very unsure. Somewhere between the two lies lots of communication, soul-to-soul searching, love, time, and togetherness. You'll find much of the answers within that. Months, years down the road you'll look back and marvel at how much you didn't know yet, and how much you learned. It's a journey, much to be relished.

 

You should both be aware that FMFs do happen, but finding a single bi woman for an FMF is finding the mythical 'unicorn'. There are single bi females in the lifestyle, but they are very few and far between. For every such female, there are probably hundreds of couples willing to entertain her. Such women are in VERY high demand, and they can be very, very picky and yet still swing several times a week if they wanted to. I don't want to discourage you; rather make you aware that what you seek in swinging is hard to find. You have to be at your absolute best if you're going to find that.

 

Another thing; Your husband is opposed to MFM. That's fine. I don't think he should in any way be pressured to change his opinion about that. That said, I wouldn't be surprised if some time down the road in your swinging journey he becomes VERY interested in MFM or MFMF scenarios where you are having sex with other men. A common perception in the vanilla world is that 90% of men have an MFM fantasy. We ran a poll about that some time ago on this forum, and found that 2:1 men preferred MFM over FMF. MFM avoidance can be a security issue. Many men are afraid of the possibility of losing the amazing woman they are married to. They may feel very strongly insecure over the prospect of another man having sex with their wives. Certainly understandable. However, over time inhibitions may drop as familiarity with the lifestyle increases and exposure to many other couples that full swap swing goes up.

[sweet_tna 680]

I don't think any marriage has ever fallen apart because the couple didn't swing. But many marriages have fallen apart because a couple did swing and they (both) weren't ready for it/didn't have a strong enough foundation.

 

So take it slow, and keep talking to your hubby about what each of you wants and is comfortable with. If you're cool with only doing FMF's, that's fine. But you should know that single bi females are called unicorns for a reason. And it's not a whole lot easier to find a couple where the lady plays with other women and the man doesn't participate.

 

Best of luck to ya'll, and keep those questions coming.

 

=)

[couplers 4,588]

I don't think any marriage has ever fallen apart because the couple didn't swing. But many marriages have fallen apart because a couple did swing...

 

But you should know that single bi females are called unicorns for a reason...

 

=)

 

 

I disagree. Many marriages have fallen apart (including those where the couple stays together in misery) because one or both was unwilling to acknowledge that people are basically not monogamous and there is a need for sexual variety.

 

 

I do agree that single females willing to have non-commital sex with a married man are a little hard to find, but with patience, persistance and an enjoyment of the pursuit by both of us, we did it on a handful of occasions. I don't know how much more difficult finding a woman that is bi as well would be since that wasn't a criterion for us.

 

I think it's dangerous to assume that if you go along with what he is comfortable with now that he will expand his comfort zone to include you being with other men...

 

I wouldn't be surprised if some time down the road in your swinging journey he becomes VERY interested in MFM or MFMF scenarios where you are having sex with other men... over time inhibitions may drop as familiarity with the lifestyle increases and exposure to many other couples that full swap swing goes up.

 

 

That's the question here and it comes up often with people starting out. I'm with bbarnsworth on this. There doesn't need to be a perfect and symmetric plan to start, just some agreement on what a couple will try and see how it goes. That was my experiece, but from the opposite side, hubby let me play first for several years before I agreed that he could have a play partner as well. If he had insisted that we both start together it probably would never have happened, I would have just thought about it psyching myself out. The best way to lead is by example, and that's what he did.

[sweet_tna 680]

I disagree. Many marriages have fallen apart (including those where the couple stays together in misery) because one or both was unwilling to acknowledge that people are basically not monogamous and there is a need for sexual variety.

 

In that case, it seems to me that there were communication issues at the heart of it all. If someone doesn't feel safe to express their feelings to their partner, THAT, not the feelings themselves, that are the problem.

[incommunicado 228]

I disagree. Many marriages have fallen apart (including those where the couple stays together in misery) because one or both was unwilling to acknowledge that people are basically not monogamous and there is a need for sexual variety.

 

I, respectfully, don't entirely agree. You could easily infer by your statement, that swingers are what we are, because we are enlightened to the fact that humans are basically non-monogamous. I believe that we are willing to explore our sexual fantasies and desires, which involve non-monogamy. But, that most of us are still, basically, spiritually, monogamous. Most of us, re-invent our definition of fidelity, because we still need the comfort of those limitations. We create rules for our swinging, and, if certain lines are crossed, we feel as cheated on as we would if we were "vanilla" and our spouse stepped out on us. Very FEW of us, have a no-holds-barred, open door policy for spouses to play. To me, this speaks to the reality of monogamy as intrinsic to most of us, even swingers. We just put a different spin on it.

 

Re: the statement about couples divorcing or living in misery... Marriages fail, whether people divorce or not, for so many reasons. Most of them documented by psychologists (i.e., feelings of neglect, changes in how you view your spouse, insecurity and need for validation, lack of a positive male or female role model growing up etc.) Psychology is not subject to religious dogma or social mores, so, if non-monogamy were the magic bullet, it would have been highly publicized and treated as the cure for many relationship ills.

 

At the beginning of my post, I said I didn't entirely agree with Couplers' statement. I do believe that there ARE people who determine/accept that they are truly, by nature, non-monogamous, and are "coming out" (unfortunately to spouses who are monogamous). But, I don't believe they are an emerging majority.

 

I will say what I always say to my gay friends who are convinced that, somehow, EVERYONE is gay" It applies to swingers, and non-monogamists, and so many others...."there are a lot more of you, than we think, but a lot less of you, than you think.

[outofbounds 48]

Once again, many thanks for all of this insight. You have helped open my eyes and sparked a couple of great discussions. I am taking it all in and, although I know every relationship is unique in it's own right, a lot of basics apply here and everywhere. I'm slowing down, he's opening up and we are learning as we go.

 

Originally Posted by couplers

I disagree. Many marriages have fallen apart (including those where the couple stays together in misery) because one or both was unwilling to acknowledge that people are basically not monogamous and there is a need for sexual variety.

 

On the subject of monogamy, my husband is the FIRST man I have NOT cheated on... 15 years and counting. Every other relationship had an infidelity in it and my husband was the other man when we began our relationship. My husband has never been a cheater however, he is younger than me and has had fewer long term relationships than I have.

 

I look forward to more of your comments, this is helping me to explore my own thoughts and, I hope, to communicate with my husband better.

 

Deepest gratitude,

outofbounds

[incommunicado 228]

Your recent post has shed a totally different light on things.

 

First, though there are no absolutes, there is credence to the phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater." There is probably a deep rooted reason you were unfaithful in all your relationships. Statistically, it is not likely to be because you are at heart, truly non-monogamous. But, for whatever the reason, once one starts cheating it is very difficult to stop. That you have cheated on all your previous partners, gives some indication that there is a problem with commitment. The fact that you cheated on your last relationship with your current one, is another statistical indication that you are destined to cheat again (the one you cheated with, invariably gets cheated on).

 

So, in addressing your situation at hand... what if your instinct to cheat is back? What if it is strong enough to create this need, but is held in check by your love and devotion to your husband? Perhaps you are looking for another outlet for the desire that drives the cheating. You NEED to swing, perhaps because your desires drive you towards sex outside the marriage, but you don't wish to be unfaithful, or to hurt your husband. So, you create what you see as a win-win scenario.

 

Only a counselor (possibly several) can help you figure it out for sure. You can even find lifestyle friendly counselors. That's what we did. Because, ultimately, you may get what you want, which, in a way, only indulges your desires, but doesn't solve anything. Or, your husband may ultimately say, it's me or your sexual freedom, and you'll have to make the hard choice.

 

Good luck!

[couplers 4,588]

Quote:

Originally Posted by couplers

I disagree. Many marriages have fallen apart (including those where the couple stays together in misery) because one or both was unwilling to acknowledge that people are basically not monogamous and there is a need for sexual variety.

 

 

I, respectfully, don't entirely agree... I believe that we are willing to explore our sexual fantasies and desires, which involve non-monogamy. But, that most of us are still, basically, spiritually, monogamous.

 

 

 

You may disagree with me, but I do agree wth you; well put. The way I have said it elsewhere is that we want the freedom to explore our sexual desires with other partners while still maintaining a welcoming, stable, happy home. That's why so many cheaters are not looking to leave their spouses. Swingers, in whatever way they wish to pursue it, (including hubby and me in our odd poly way) work hard to give each other both of those things.

[Lhaze 15]

I am the husband. Well.... what can I say? It's not necessarily jealousy that makes me only want FMF. I do prefer her to only be penetrated by me. I'm not after a swinging lifestyle but again I'm not necessarily opposed to it. I have no problem with my wife being dominated by a female or possibly spanked by a male (as long as I'm learning the trade of spanking. etc. I'd love to spank the hell out of her, gag, tie, beat....etc). I'd love my wife's pussy licked (by female) while I penetrate her but that doesn't mean I want her stuffed full by males while doing it. That's just my Boundaries. I'm pretty happy being a married monogamous male. I would have stayed single if we all wanted to play as single people but that is not this case. Not sure if I have any questions, as all that I've read in past and present pretty much answers my questions or reinforces my questions or answers. I'm not a prude but do have some boundaries.... I want my wife to be happy but not at the expense of my happiness or our future (it's pretty bright). She's fast tracked this a bit but is willing to slow it down, and I'm willing to learn. Thanks for all the advice and knowledge

 

Len

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Thanks for joining us here, Len. Welcome to the Swingers Board !

 

We hope each of you will stick around and let us know how your FMF relationships develop and how any issues might be dealt with in the future.

 

Happy swinging,

 

fun ~

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Getting into swinging is never an easy discision

[PTTimeDC 120]

"I want my wife to be happy but not at the expense of my happiness"

 

Len & wife, I think that quote tells you all you need to know about your prospects. Everything I've read on this forum indicates there is no flexibility in this and your admission that she can only be happy as long as you are (which is what you've said) indicates that's not going to change.

 

"but that doesn't mean I want her stuffed full by males while doing it"

 

Yet another indication of your insecurities. She isn't talking about being "stuffed full by males". She's talking about SHARING an experience with YOU. You have no problem doing this only as long as it allows you the opportunity with another female and not your wife with another male? To each his own, but I don't get how you can rationalize that a FMF is okay but a MFM isn't; that's pretty hypocritical and, as an experienced swinger myself, is very consistent with comment I've seen or heard by other insecure men.

 

I fear this is one of those situations that won't end well; two polar opposites and no flexibility.....at a point something will have to give...and then who is happy? Who sacrifices their happiness for the other (since it sounds like you two aren't willing or able to find a middle ground that makes both of you happy)?

 

Wish the best for you, sounds like you're going to need it.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Damn laptop, hit the wrong button.

 

While getting into swinging is never an easy decision for most couples I think you two are going about it just right, taking the time to talk about it and getting your feelings and thoughts out in the open. As others have stated finding a unicorn is not easy to do but the hunt is half the fun, well more than half, and it does happen.

 

Make your rules and then start your search. Join a few different web sites. Look around and see whats available in your area. Go to some meet n greets, talk to the people there, get comfortable. No one is going to pressure you to play, just make sure that the people you talk to know your boundaries.

 

When you do find what you are looking for, make sure that you talk after and see if you are both comfortable with what has happened and then go from there, you may need some rule changes, or you may decide that it isn't for you at all. If either one of you wants to stop then by all means stop. you can always come back later if you decide to.

 

In our experience once you get started you will expand what you are looking for. If it's only fmf now, in the future you may feel comfortable enough to try soft swing with a couple, or even MFMF full swap. The key is to take things slow and see what you are comfortable with.

 

We have seen what we call "Unleash the beast" many times. Thats where the more reluctant side of a couple, once they have been exposed to the fun that can happen becomes the driving force. They are now the one who takes over the looking and planning, they are the ones who push the boundaries. This is usually the female half but in your case it will be the male. To tell you the truth we like to see this. It brings a couple to the same level and is good for both of them.

 

K

[Lhaze 15]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not the greatest with words and that usually gets me in trouble (see previous post). Please, no one take offense. You can look at my boundaries as hangups, maybe they are, maybe they aren't. I never said I had to be with the other woman while pleasuring my wife. Can't we do it together? So as I see it some are a little off base thinking that I must be with the other woman while this is happening. This is not true. Does that make me bad?.....nope. Does that make us a little unique?......maybe, but probably not. It is interesting what we all choose to read into this. Some think (this forum and others) it's not fair to limit what happens but then through out this site and others there is talk about making boundaries. Funny. (double standard?) I've made a few and I am comfortable with that. Besides not everybody (don't take this wrong) gets to drive my Ferrari. Would you let me drive yours?

 

Len

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It sounds like your husband may not be ready to swing yet and you may need to be patient. Sometimes it takes a while and you don't need to swing until you BOTH feel you are ready to do it using rules you both agree to.

 

On the subject of marriage, I do think there are marriages that have come apart not so much because they didn't swing but because one partner put a higher priority on the idea of swinging than on their marriage. Sometimes when this happens they end up swinging before one of them is ready, sometimes they never swing and the person who wasn't ready just feels pushed away. When you push and push someone, sometimes you can push them away. Is the idea of swinging worth that risk to you?

[lovemonkey#1 48]

Here's my advice. See a sex therapist, particularly one who isn't threatened by swinging and can guide you without judgment.

 

The reason I say this is my wife and I have had several issues come up about swinging and having a third party present in our discussions was very helpful for our communication. We explored lots of things (i.e., why I was so interested in it, why my wife was resistant, ways to talk about it without it ending up in arguments). Ultimately, we ended up trying it for a couple of years, backing out for a couple more and now we're talking about getting involved again. Our therapist helped guide us through those transitions by helping us learn to respect each other more and how to honestly hear what the other person is saying. The process made us so much healthier and we're looking forward to trying things out again but from a more enlightened perspective.

 

I agree with everyone who says that you shouldn't rush it and that things take time. People's ideas and opinions change and if you can keep a healthy dialog going about it then you'll both probably be able to get at least some aspect of what you want. If you rush it then that will inevitably lead to resentment and that can take years to recover from and set you both even farther back!

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not the greatest with words and that usually gets me in trouble (see previous post). Please, no one take offense. You can look at my boundaries as hangups, maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

I'm not saying you have "hang ups". Communication in a discussion forum can be difficult sometimes. Thank you for making an attempt. Mrsfun and I have played with more females in the lifestyle than anything. Did we have hang ups ? No not really, to this day we had full discussions between ourselves and the possible outcomes before we did anything. With all involved, those discussions lead to happiness and growth in our relationship as we stand today. I was very cautious to understand Mrsfuns feelings, above my own, in the beginning..... I mean think about it, I had everything to gain and quite frankly it seemed nothing to lose. But my senses said one thing. When something seems to good to be true, question it.

 

 

I never said I had to be with the other woman while pleasuring my wife. Can't we do it together?

Yes ! you can. We have, with no problems to this day. But the fantasy is quite different than the reality. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your desires are the driving force behind this. I had different feelings....

 

Mine were about supporting my wife and her bisexual tendencies. No, in fact I didn't need to be there. I wanted to give her some privacy, room to breath, wiggle room, space to discuss with the women she had desires for. I wanted to give her room to think about herself.

My reasoning was from trying to think outside the box as a straight MAN, what if I was curious myself. I would want to be supported by my partner, I would want to be able to talk about MY feelings first, long before the show of affection toward my partners need to get her freak on with a threesome from me, If, my bisexuality was the center of this journey. Sometimes, later, Mrsfun and a few friends did do things, just for me. But that came later, not the beginning....

 

Right now, and again I may be wrong. But, it sounds like your thinking about the "goodies" and not the package they come in. Never consider threesomes will be the same in MFM and FMF. Is that fair? No, its not, They're not. And At this point, I've yet to hear your thoughts about the females in question to swing with. They are real women with emotions attached that I don't think you are considering. There is rarely, a woman that just wants to be a stunt pussy or extra, just for the sake of enhancing a couples relationship. Don't deceive yourself if you think so.

 

If and when you do this, I think you should seriously consider there will be more than Just the sex act. Weather you like it or not, any female you may find that is willing to do this with you, and for you as a couple, Will have emotional involvement, Men and women are different. Sure a man could be stunt dick, a third just for the sake of experience. And rightly so, a male would have his feelings too.

 

So as I see it some are a little off base thinking that I must be with the other woman while this is happening. This is not true. Does that make me bad?.....nope. Does that make us a little unique?......maybe, but probably not. It is interesting what we all choose to read into this. Some think (this forum and others) it's not fair to limit what happens but then through out this site and others there is talk about making boundaries. Funny. (double standard?) I've made a few and I am comfortable with that.

Are you saying your wife is allowed to explore with another woman, on her own, and you don't need to be there between "them" ? Or are you saying I don't need to penetrate ?

 

Your not unique, really. Many knock at the door. Some get in some don't. But I see nothing on your part for a woman to want to join you, Len. Every thing is on your wife now. Support her, the women she might have attraction to or feelings for, they will be watching you. Swinging is about each of you as a couple as the core basis. Remember, your allowing someone new into your relationship. The women may be more than just a passing.

 

 

 

Besides not everybody (don't take this wrong) gets to drive my Ferrari. Would you let me drive yours?

No I wouldn't, not at this point. I have Ferrari's. More than one (don't take it the wrong way) But, I know who holds the keys to what Ferrari's I drive. That comes with responsibility, to the owners......

 

Fun~

[outofbounds 48]

Well, it's been a busy month since my first post, once again, thank you for all the good advice and comments. My husband and I have spent a lot of time talking about all of this and our relationship is growing and changing with improved communication. We have spent a lot of time between the sheets exploring new things as well... =) The first result of all this exploration and communication is that we will attend a swinger's club this Friday night. We have no expectations except to watch and enjoy the atmosphere and our rules and boundaries are securely in place and accepted by both of us. I'm excited for this new experience together and we'll see where it goes from there. Wish us luck and fun, we'll let you know how it goes and what the next big adventure is!! xo

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

Let us know how it goes!

[outofbounds 48]

You couldn't kick the smile off my face... it went as well as I could have hoped for. We had a relaxing couple of drinks and talked with several nice people, we were the first ones upstairs and the last ones to leave... =) There was one tense moment when an enthusiastic onlooker invaded our personal space and had to be asked to move along but it didn't end our fun. We now know that we don't need a pre-game warm up... We didn't cross any boundaries and set a relaxed pace. We even got a business card from a couple who would like to hang with us outside the club. We learned, we watched, we enjoyed. I am looking forward to the next time already. Thank you for all your help and support, we couldn't have done it without you. I'm sure we'll need you again and again as we explore further. It feels safe and secure to know that you are all out there... XO

[outofbounds 48]

We took the next step, had a playdate with another couple... A lot of girl-girl action, big smile on my face. Slowly but surely...

[bbarnsworth 2,636]

Sounds great

[Dont.Stop 339]

This is the first time I've peeked into this thread but it was great to watch it unfold, and absolutely fantastic that hubby chimed in.

 

Swinging doesn't necessarily come easy for all couples. But it seems you have found the experience that you are both satisfied with. As you continue you may find you are more amenable (as a couple) to some situations and perhaps less so about others. Allow room for your boundaries to be a bit fluid and you never know what you may discover you enjoy. But doing it together and talking about the afterwards is the best approach.

 

Then you find (and I'm sure you have already) that swinging is often just foreplay (no matter how far you go with your playmates) and when you get each other alone the sex is just mind-blowing!

[etengel35 15]

Hi, I am brand new to this forum, 42, female, married. I want so swing, my husband is reluctant. He satisfies me in bed, no issues there, I love him with all my heart. He set a few rules right away, no MFM, only FMF threesomes will be acceptable. He doesn't want me to have sex, oral sex or any kind or sex with another man, although one can be present or watching, in a two couple situation and I am very okay with that rule. I am open to sharing him with another woman and anything that turns him on. We have some really great friends who swing but he is hesitant to be with people we know, while I am hesitant to be with strangers. We are having some friction dealing with all of these new ideas and haven't gotten together with any playmates yet. What do I do? How do I satisfy my hunger without hurting him? He thinks it may end our marriage if we play, I think our marriage is strong but I will be hurt and resentful if we don't play. I think it's an opportunity to share something beautiful and he feels attacked and threatened. Please help...

Just an idea? Have you introduce other girls (perhaps your friends) to your husband? He may be tempt to do sex with other women first and then he may be open to have an open relationship.