Your wife's previous sex partners

[Numex 2,379]

I'm new here, visited this site because my wife and i are open with having sex with other people and done so some in the past. When I was still young i thought i would only marry a woman that had been only with me. Then after i found out that my fiance had screwed another guy i thought it was OK, or even hot. But overall she had fewer partners than me. Later, both my first wife and my now wife have both had more partners than me, my first wife a few more but then she fucked other guys while we were engaged and married, and my current wife a LOT more. so my attitude has changed considerable since I was young and first dating.

 

 

My question is-

Before you got married did you have any limits about how many previous sex partners your wife had that would be too many?

 

 

Women are welcome to contribute too. Thanks to all of you.

[StevieBlueEyes 48]

I'm new here, visited this site because my wife and i are open with having sex with other people and done so some in the past. When I was still young i thought i would only marry a woman that had been only with me. Then after i found out that my fiance had screwed another guy i thought it was OK, or even hot. But overall she had fewer partners than me. Later, both my first wife and my now wife have both had more partners than me, my first wife a few more but then she fucked other guys while we were engaged and married, and my current wife a LOT more. so my attitude has changed considerable since I was young and first dating.

 

 

My question is-

Before you got married did you have any limits about how many previous sex partners your wife had that would be too many?

 

 

Women are welcome to contribute too. Thanks to all of you.

 

I'm trying to figure out what this has to do with swinging/lifestyle. Did your wife or ex-wife fucked other guys with or without your permission? Were you having your own fun while this was happening? It seems that perhaps you are concerned that you are less experienced than your partner. Your post isn't very clear.

 

To answer your question directly...well...I can't. I've had sex with more women that my wife. And my ex-wife. Combined. But my wife wasn't exactly a prude before meeting me. She had her share of one-night stands, fuck buddies, and sport fucks. It never mattered a bit to me, even before we got into the lifestyle, and I never in my life expected that I would marry a woman who had only been with me.

 

It's running joke with us, however, that she used to fuck a ginger. I joke with her that it has never bothered me that she used to fuck a very well hung Nigerian, but it's a little disturbing that she spent a summer screwing a ginger. Take that for what it is...lol!

[couplers 4,577]

Why is this an issue for men, but women aren't supposed to care?

[Numex 2,379]

I'm trying to figure out what this has to do with swinging/lifestyle. Did your wife or ex-wife fucked other guys with or without your permission?

 

 

Thanks for your response. Maybe I posted my question in the wrong category, but I thought that the "Let's Talk ABout Sex" forum didn't need to necessarily be about swinging.

 

I may not have been clear, but you answered my question exactly. It's not about getting my permission, everything they did after we were engaged or married with both women was with my permission, it is about how much activity they had before. I was thinking about how my attitude changed from when i first was first dating and thinking about ever getting married until how I feel now. I went from being like most guys wanting to have an inexperienced one man woman, to liking the fact that my wife is very experienced. It's the kind of thing you can't talk about (how many guys your wife has fucked) with your friends, even good friends that you talk about sex with, but you can talk about it here even with pride.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

I have never cared for inexperianced woman. They tend to be less adventureous, less kinky, and don't know their own bodies well enough to relax and have fun during sex.

 

Mrs. Swingerset has had as many partners as I have and I know this soon after we met. We started out as fuck buddies.

 

MR.

[olderyder 15]

I know that my Mrs. had sexual partners before we married, as did I, but the number or any other details about them is something that has never interested me. Something like that has no bearing on our 20 year marriage. I believe that it takes someone with pretty low self-esteem to be worried about that. If someone is, why did they get married in the first place?

[Tina and Bob 236]

I had only been with five other men including my x before I met and married Bob. This is the second marriage for us both. I had openly discussed the fact I had not slept around, however, I don't think this had any influence on our falling in love with each other. Being with only five guys didn't mean I was inexperienced, I had had plenty of sex, it just was what it was. After the divorce at age 27 I had no interest in getting into another male relationship and found my sexual satisfaction through girl/girl play and masturbation. It was two years later that I met Bob and began having sex with him. Married for a little over 8 years now and swinging for five, so you could say I was a late bloomer, and boy have I bloomed.

[red96 17]

As the male half of the couple I never thought or cared about who, or how many partners she had before we got married. I do know that she was not the type to sleep around, and neither was I for that matter. Neither of us ever saw the need to worry about something that was in the past.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

I had partners before I met my wife, but, she had never been with anyone. At the time it did not bother me either way. In the end it turned out to be a good thing because her curiosity about being with other men is what drove her to ask me about swinging. Had she had experienced other men before me, then she may not have been interested in swinging. That would have been fine too, but we do both enjoy it so much, I am glad it worked out like it did.

[eskimo 18]

We were both virgins when we married. We are now in our 50's and considering expanding our partners. So to directly answer your question, my wife has never had another partner.

 

Q (Male half)

[ownerspet 506]

No I really didn't have an expectation on number of past partners because of a couple of reasons that sort of build on each other.

 

First: I believe many single people (not just guys, because women do it to), including myself, go thru what politically correct people want to refer to as promiscuous times as we live life where we meet those hot people (guys or girls or both depending on preference) that we are attracted to. So I would be a Hypocrit to judge my wife by putting a number on acceptable partners, for something I've done myself as a single person.

 

Depending on each individual's set of standards that each of us actually live by, many times individuals will just hop from bed to bed, because they are single and there is no one to which they are committed. It doesn't mean the individuals are necessarily sleeping with just everyone. It doesn't mean they didn't take safety precautions either. It just may be that individual was in sync with more partners in a given period of time than the number of partners some other people may find acceptable, based on the other peoples standards (which by the way last time I checked there are over 6 billion people on the planet, and I'm guessing here but there are probably also 6 billion sets of standards on this issue of "who to sleep with and how many to sleep with").

 

Second: Society on average as a whole put's an acceptable behavior out on everything, eventhough it's not written down somewhere. Society or people in society as a whole (on average), tend to treat people differently based on those acceptable (or what they conculde as "unacceptable") behaviors, but it's not written down anywhere. What's acceptable is different for everyone. I'm sure there are times when the majority voices that a behavior is unacceptable, and some people that don't necessarily agree with just agree to avoid being set as an outcast or judged by the majority. Then, when the majority is not around, they engage in the behavior anyway. So based on people knowing increased number of sexual partners is many times viewed as unacceptable by society as a whole on average, you won't hear about the majority of people that go through the promiscuous times in their lives. As a result of this situation, when one does actually tell the truth about the number of partners it oftens sounds above average or bad to some that may believe the individual has more sex partners in their life than is acceptable to the other individual's standards.

 

Now, I can't help but ask myself, when faced with being judged by one that an individual wants to spend the rest of their life with are they going to ask him or herself? "What is society's impression of what is an acceptable number of sexual partners and are they going to adjust it to attain happiness?" and "If they do adjust it (or lie), who's gonna know, after all it's not on record somewhere unless they had a kid with someone or legal proceedings occurred?"

 

My Conculsion: Some can say having a certain number of sexual partners is irresponsible or immoral (or whatever term you want to use), but I say compared to who's standards or who's morals? Because, I don't think people on average when in the presence of the majority (or if they think the majority may find out) are honest about the number of past sexual partners out of fear of being judged.

 

So even if a potential partner is honest in saying for example 10, whats to say that I could find somewhat close to accurate information on what others do if the majority is not being being honest. The average could be 5, if it were possisble to get accurate information, then the majority or people that buy into the "accuracy" of the information or the majority of society on average may actually judge me. But the average could be 25 (I know it sounds high, but how do you know), then you may be think well is this experienced enough? Do they do things I like? Are they going to be a prude in comparison to me? Do they not like sex?

 

To the point: To judge a potential mate on number of sexual partners, may not be something I could do with a clear concience. I don't know what I could compare it to other than my own experiences and what society says is acceptable (which I think what is acceptale in society is not what actually goes on behind closed doors in individuals real lives).

 

I know this is a long answer to a short question, but simply put, unless they were cheating on their spouse (which swinging is absolutley not), the answer to putting a number of sexual partners limit from the past on your potential spouse/wife for me is "no I can't do that."

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think this is one of those issues of "Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer".

 

If you are going to get hung up on what your wife did before you, you probably aren't ready to get married.

[cocpl2007 170]

I think this is one of those issues of "Don't ask the question if you don't really want to know the answer".

 

If you are going to get hung up on what your wife did before you, you probably aren't ready to get married.

 

Amen!

[celtic239 297]

I've been married for 30 years and not once did I ever ask her who or how many men did she have sex with before we got married. I never really felt a "need to know" because I'm not the kind of guy that has to know everything about everyone in my life. I respect the fact that she as well as my own children have a right to live their lives without me having to know everything they did in the past. To answer your question it wouldn't have made a difference in my decision to marry her.

[couplers 4,577]

Hi, Petra here. It's not an issue for any of us, although there is not much to discuss.

[Brian and Jo 344]

We grew up in England and people of our generation rarely had sex before marriage. We certainly did'nt! But we did undress completely and engage in some pretty heavy petting, but never intercourse. That was reserved for our wedding night. We now think it would have been better if we had had more experience with other partners before we got married although over the last 30 years we have more than made up for it.

[Numex 2,379]

First I want to say that I am not saying that a man should judge a woman as a potential wife by how many partners she had before. I am saying the opposite, that i was that way until I found that my girlfriend that i asked to marry me was fucking another guy and that it didn't matter, or was actually good for me. And i let my first wife fuck other guys even while I did not have sex with anyone else. I just wanted to know if anyone had gone through a change in thinking like I did or was always open. I also like the fact that my now wife will tell me about her past experiences.

 

I talked with my wife about my writings here and showed her this web site. She thought it was interesting and honest and considered a lot of factors not talkedabout when most people do this. She kept the names and information on the guys she had been with. At first in was just written in a tablet, and then in a folder in her computer. Looking at them both she came up with having 78 guys that she fucked, not counting those that never got past bj's, ass fucking, or cunt licking. She pointed out to me though that since started screwing when she was 15 and stopped except for me when she was 34 that it is like 20 years and calculates to about 3 new guys a year, which really isn't much. Before me she never really settled down and she said that at first it was 6 or 7 new guys a year, but as time went on she had more previous guys she could call again and often went back to the old ones if she liked them. so she had fewer new guys but more partners as time went on.

[Guest Hugh_36]

I find it a turn on the talk about my wife's previous lovers. We frequently talk about this when having sex and I like to know all the details.

 

One guy, who was apparently bit of an animal in bed fucked her seven times in one night. Something I never grow tired or hearing about.

[sweet_tna 680]

I have a funny little story for you. Mr. Sweet and I had been seeing (read: screwing) each other for about two weeks, when I decided to do a Cosmo quiz with him. It was on things you should know about your lover. One of the questions was about your lover's "number"--as in, how many other sex partners did they have. Mr. Sweet already knew my answer (one), but I never really thought to ask him about his experience.

 

So of course, I asked him. He merely shrugged and said he didn't know. Now I knew he'd been on the football team his freshman year of college, and had gone to a bunch of frat parties. It stood to reason he'd been around the block a few times. But he also spent a lot of that year intoxicated. I asked him, "It's cool, I'm just curious. How many?"

 

He shrugged again, and said he didn't know. I said, "Really, it's no big deal. Just give me a ballpark figure."

 

He shook his head, and insisted he didn't know. I began to to panic a bit, and mentally called the health center to get tested for STD's. "How can you not know? Do you just not remember, or can you not count that high?"

 

He finally clued into my distress (or figured out that I'd keep asking him 'till I got an answer) and made a zero with his fingers. I blinked. And stared. And blinked again.

"You mean . . . I was your first? Why didn't you tell me?!?"

 

He shrugged again, I glared, and he finally mumbled something about thinking it might make him more nervous if I knew. I cancelled that mental appointment with the health center, and . . . the rest is history.

 

Would it really have mattered to me if he did have a huge number of girls he'd screwed before? No. I'd have been relieved to have someone experienced. And I probably wouldn't have spent our entire engagement trying to talk him out of marrying me (for fear that he'd realize he should have played the field more before getting hitched).

 

Thankfully, he didn't listen to me, we grew up together sexually, and we've been able to gain more experience together.

 

=)

[BigNikki 43]

Big Nikki here.

I have never cared for inexperienced women.

 

I've never been a man and don't expect to ever be, but if I were a man, I don't think I'd ever want a virgin. I'd want women who really knew how to do it.

 

-- Big Nikki

[MN Tom 251]

We were married young, so the list for us was rather short. Didnt bother either of us at all. I actually knew the few former partners she had, one of them I met after we were married when he unknowingly came to our townhouse to try to sell a vacuum. Was pretty funny, I was talking with him in the house, and I was pretty sure it was him (he had a rare name and fit the description), but he didnt know me. Wife comes home and sees him, and both he and her went pale. He got really antsy and hurried up to leave, I said "hey man I knew already, it's not a problem" and went back to asking questions about discounts on remanned vacuums. He was too flustered though and left.

 

Funny thing is even though that was many years before we considered swinging, I guess it was an indicator that it didnt bother me at all. I actually thought it was interesting to talk with him.

[Big Rock 173]

I have had lots of lovers, but my wives are more limited in their experience. Janie and her previous husband were in the LS so she has had more partners than Bets. Janie has been with 12-15 men and 6-7 women, a couple mmf threesomes (which she didn't like) a couple fmf threesomes (which she did like). Bets has had 4 (including myself) men and as many women, but has only had fmf threesomes with me and either my college GF or Janie.is by far the more agressive of the two, but both know very well how to please a man or woman. As I've said before, I'm a really lucky man.

[Numex 2,379]

I know that my Mrs. had sexual partners before we married, as did I, but the number or any other details about them is something that has never interested me. Something like that has no bearing on our 20 year marriage. I believe that it takes someone with pretty low self-esteem to be worried about that. If someone is, why did they get married in the first place?

 

Hey man, anyone that goes into a marriage not telling their spouse EVERYTHING and having it accepted and enjoyed, is defeating the purpose. That especially includes sex. Your spouse is supposed to be your closest friend and buddy. My wife and i have exchanged all the details, get turned on about what we have enjoyed with fucking other people, and try to improve on everything. That includes things like her lesbianism, threesome relationship with a married couple, and sleeping with guys while we were dating before we were a real couple. That way neithor of us have worries about who we meet from the past, who will say what (we surprise the hell out of exes by saying, "Oh, you're the one that my spouse was with during, whatever), or what pictures may be found,neither of us had any taken, but hey, you never know who might have been sneaky. I actually get a turn on when my wife introduces to one of her ex-boyfriends, knowing what they did in bed. Actually, i have become good friends with a couple of them, and it adds fuel to our sex life.

 

 

Sex isn't the only part of it. We have also discussed drug use (very little, we don't like being stoned), family health history details, financial shit, etc. Marriage means showing every. Trying to hide anything from the past in a marriage that would be stupid; if you can't be accepted for who you are.

[Lava&Spike 28]

First wife was VERY inexperienced when we married That was a disaster. The sex was horrible for 14 years. Met and married my current wife who was a sexual free spirit and life has never been better (in and out of the bedroom).