She got pregnant, we're getting divorced

[txknight1 16]

Initially I suggested us getting into swinging. We started off slow and then gradually grew until we were completely open. We didn't have many rules except no cumming inside of the one your with (yes we went bareback). Keep in mind my wife has been unable to get pregnant for 9 yrs.

 

Well she was with a single guy and told him to cum in her breaking our one rule, and she got pregnant and had his child. I tried to deal with it but after 8 months I asked for a divorce and she has told the bio dad and now I'm without a son nor my wife.

 

Here is the kicker, she has gone back to the church and now is claiming that all of this is my fault because I suggested the LS in the first place and that I defiled the marriage. Although for the year prior I had tried to convince her to leave swinging, it just got old and she was constantly having her fun and I was sitting on the sidelines.

 

Any opinions or thoughts?

[LFM2 1,482]

Welcome to the Board. Curious to know how you found us.

 

I have several thoughts, however, I do want to convey my sympathy on your marriage. There are consequences to playing bareback and this was an ultimate.

[txknight1 16]

Thank you, I could handle a lot of things but to me when you establish a rule failure to follow it is the same as cheating and I dont get how I am the sole person responsible in her eyes.

[LFM2 1,482]

We've all set some boundary or another within our LS relationships.

 

How old are you guys and how long have you been swinging?

[txknight1 16]

Was in for 3 yrs im 41 she is 33 this is her first child. we are coming up on 10 yrs in Aug. Also the year prior to her getting pregnent I tried several times to get her to leave the LS as I really thought we were in a good place to just walk away intact. But even when she would go out with just a girlfriend she was trying to pick up non LS guys...it just blows my mind the picture she is painting of me

[JM153 346]

Sorry about your marriage and her justifications. I assume you have tried to talk to her to get her to stop spreading falsehoods about you. She and you would be much better off if she just left it at the two of you could not get along. If you can't talk to her about your feelings and both of you have lawyers you can ask your lawyer to talk to her's about stopping the lies. The other thought that comes to mind is to suggest to her counseling. Often counselors can help people with the emotional toll of a divorce. No counselor is going to condone her making these kind of statements. As for you - ignore them. If you say anything do so only to the closest friends when they ask you about her stories and you should limit your statements to "that's not the whole story." Avoid getting into a she said he said tit for tat. Getting into a battle will serve no useful purpose and I guarantee everyone in your life that counts knows it was not all your fault. They will think more of you for not stooping to her level. Good luck and hang in as things will get better.

[exploringRM 305]

It's not clear to me what you are looking for since all that happened is over and done. It's alot of would have, could have sort of thing. Did she offer any explanation as to why she let him cum in her? As an aside that's a rule that seems a bit strange to me as she does not have 100% control on that, though I realize she told the guy to cum.

 

What was it that made you leave? Regardless of her breaking the rule, pregnancy is a risk in the l/s, bareback or not. Did your ex-wife give any reasons why she did not want to leave the l/s? That in itself would be a red flag to me that something was not right.

[exercise couple 35]

if everything you say is as represented, then betrayal, blame and denial are like sound reasons for intensive therapy and years of recovery or divorce. even with a willingness to reconcile and less severe consequences than your situation, it can be nearly impossible to build back the level of trust nevessary for a healthy marriage.

 

i was in a similar situation (the dynamic not the specific behaviors) and underestimated the significance of the warning signs and found myself with a person radically different than the one i was with for many years. though some people do change overnight, it would not be too surprising if whatever the source for this situtaion might have already been there. often people carry around something unhealthy and perhaps dormant in them that seemingly comes out of nowhere to sabotage a healthy, open and loving relation. i am so very sorry; this must be incredibly painful. take care of yourself and do not beat yourself up over coulda shoulda woulda. though some people bounce back from an awful situation quickly and seemingly without real damage, it may take everything you have just to move toward a place where your own individual psychological and emotional health is stable.

[lotsoffun201 175]

I have to post this story and it is 100% real.

 

My ex and I were married for 14 years with one child. We were in the lifestyle for nearly all of our 14 years only occasionally playing with single women since she was bi and that was as far as we ever decided to take it. We began playing with couples about 3 years before the end of our marriage.

 

Why did our marriage end? Well there were lots of reasons.....but it was mostly lifestyle related. She decided she wanted to add single HUNG guys to the mix and found one who she clicked with. Basically he was a performer who pleased her well. It went from participation by all of us, to me watching since that is what she wanted. Shortly thereafter something (unimportant) happened and he wouldnt come around anymore. She then spent hours on end searching the net for single men on various sites including craigslist. She was "cheapening" herself for anyone who was HUNG and would do her

 

She found this one guy who was a control freak, he called her incessently during the day since I had her cell phone records. We are talking like 15-20 times a day! He convinced her to kick me out of my own house and I freely left since I was hurt. Other things transpired but that was the gist of it.

 

A few months later things "fell through with him" and I was "asked to return" but had to accept her new play partner on a regular basis. Two weeks after we reconciled I was forced into another threesome. I did everything to save my marriage but in the end one day I looked at her laying naked in bed and said the following......."You are a disgusting tramp and I can't stand you. I hope you get everything you deserve but it's not going to be me" I left a day later an havent spoken with her since. Even our divorce was done by someone else so I didn't have to be there.

 

My moral of the story......I trust nobody, particularly single males. (sorry guys but people can be hardwired that sex and love are the same" I only met 2 respectable single males in the 3-4 years we were doing it with couples etc. In fact we (the new mrs and I) met a single male who we didn't even play with through another couple at a party. He had the gall to ask the mrs out on a date while I was at work. It might have been innocent enough but that's not the point. Needless to say he may do that again but NEVER with my mrs.

 

I also know of 4 other couples in the past two years who broke up because the wife fell for a single male they played with. You may ask why I/we are in the lifestyle since all of this happened around me.......The mrs and I are mostly exhibitionist and just like having sex in front of others with the occasionaly flirting and minimal soft g/g swap and nothing more. Some of the single males I knew before have attempted to contact me and it all falls on deaf ears.

 

Sorry for the post and I am sure there are plenty out there who will flame me for it, but I felt I had to tell my story. You can take it with a grain of salt if you want.

 

As for the original poster....I am truly sorry about your marriage and I completely empthize with you since I have lost both a wife and son as well as I can't see my son anymore..........Oh and for the record, she is living with her last single male. Guess he's my son's new dad now.

 

Try to swallow that pill and allow single males into my life. I will say though, I am happier now than I have been in the past 20 years and have come to grips with things. I don't know that everyone can have the same strong will.

[Alura 2,774]

My late wife was always adamant that singles, male or female, have no place in the lifestyle. "There is no way they can understand what couples risk when they risk nothing themselves," she said. After trying "open marriage" once, and deciding it wasn't for us, the guy was constantly calling her, even with a firm "NO!!!" He finally took "no" for an answer, but it wasn't easy.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

txknight1 said:

I tried to deal with it but after 8 months I asked for a divorce

 

Quote

any opinions or thoughts

 

Celebrate ! You're Free.... What else could you want, change and then get now?

[VegasLee 1,486]

I have said many times, This Lifestyle is for very few and not for most.

 

Chances are in most divorce cases the divorce is not really about the Lifestyle, there are other things and people use the Lifestyle to try to fix the problems or they will blame the Lifestyle for the problem.

 

The Lifestyle can be great for people with great relationships but it will destroy a relationship that even has a small crack in it.

 

The real problem is not the Lifestyle, other couples, single men or single women, it is the relationship that is involved.

 

Most people can not and will not admit their own failures or relationship problems, that is human nature. They must always look to the outside or to the other involved in the relationship for the failure.

 

It is hard to look at ones self and see that you messed up in some way. None of us what to see failure within ourself but most of the time it is there.

 

People need to understand that it takes a different type of relationship and couple to be able to live within this Lifestyle and honestly, most don't fit the criteria of what it takes.

 

Failure is the result of those that don't know the difference.

 

Sorry to see you found out the hard way. Hopefully some will see some of the experiences posted in this thread and other threads and understand that this is NOT the way of life for them. That does not make them bad, just not right for this.

[DigginIt 1,132]

My moral of the story......I trust nobody, particularly single males. (sorry guys but people can be hardwired that sex and love are the same"

 

Seen that first hand.

 

It's one of the measures we try to apply when we are looking for compatible couples. We look for those that appear to be truly in love. You have to be careful to a degree if they are very new...see post about "how many people you have run out of the LS," but I would rather hedge my bets by trying to apply a little common sense.

 

If it goes bad then at least we were trying to keep the drama down a bit.

 

I am truly sorry for your situation but it seems to me that it worked out for the best. It has been repeatedly said here that Swinging will strengthen a good marriage but rip apart a bad one.

 

It seems to me that it revealed an aspect of your SO that was probably there all along and you just never saw it. I'm sure it still hurt but I'm also sure you are better off.

 

Best of luck!

[lotsoffun201 175]

Digginit

 

Yes.....I'm in a much better place and have to ask myself sometimes why I stayed so long with her. Every morning and every night I thank my stars for where I am now.

 

People ask me (and us) all the time about singles and I tell them the same thing.....steer as far away as possible. It's just my opinion and true it's slightly jaded but so be it. I think its far better to play with committed couples than singles (male and female). We have much more to lose.

 

I will add one anectdotal story here.....A few weeks ago we were at our regular club and this female (who was there with a male I knew) wanted to play with us. She was DROP DEAD gorgeous. I told her they were dangerous and we politely declined. She was there a few weeks later with another single male and again I told her.......You and he have NOTHING to lose where we do. While it would be fun for a few hours the potential problems would last forever.

 

Now we are a committed couple and very much in love with each other but why risk something for a few hours. I can tell you that she was told the very same thing by several other males and females at the club. I think she got the hint and hasn't returned since.

 

Play with fire, and you will get burned eventually. I agree with Alura. Find truly in love committed couples and have a good time. Anything else is trouble waiting to happen.

 

Sorry if this hurts but I/we think its true

[DarkenFreaky 15]

First we are sorry for how things ended up for you. However, especially playing bareback, you had to know this was a risk and not standing by her/the baby is a bit fucked up in our opinion. Now of course this has to be judged with the fact that she did break your rule. Sometimes you just can't be with people no matter what you feel for them. This is true in our out of the lifestyle. As for her childish behavior after telling everyone you are to blame, that just shows she was not the woman for you in the first place. Chalk it up to hard lesson learned and keep moving on.

[sweet_tna 680]

What a tragic story. I'm sure by now you realize that mistakes were made, but now you have to try and find a way to move on. I hope you two are able to work things out and find happiness, if only for the kid's sake.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Unfortunately, things happen when we choose to swing and rules do get broken. In your case it was a big rule and carried some big consequences. It's important for couples to understand this going into swinging that things can happen you didn't expect and rules can get broken. However, you have to be able to work through it and move on. In this case you chose to move on without her because you couldn't handle the every day reminder of her mistake.

[Gordo 618]

Initially I suggested us getting into the LS, we started off slow and then gradually grew until we were completly open. We didnt have many rules except no cuming inside of the one your with (yes we went bareback). Keep in mind my wife has been unable to get pregnent for 9 yrs. Well she was with a single guy and told him to cum in her breaking our one rule, and she got pregnent and had his child, I tried to deal with it but after 8 months I asked for a divorce and she has told the bio dad and now im without a son nor my wife. Here is the kicker, she has gone back to the church and now is claiming that all of this is my fault because I suggested the LS in the first place and that I defiled the marriage. Although for the year prior I had tried to convince her to leave it just got old and she was constantly having her fun and I was sitting on the sidelines....any opinions or thoughts

 

Sorry I have no sympathy for you. You were playing bareback. Every guy that was ever in her... came a little. Men have minor spurts with semen long before the big one.

 

She could have gotten pregnant anytime.

 

This was a risk "you" chose and yet when it came time to pay up & support her... you ran.

 

Sorry but in my mind you failed her and deserve whatever she throws at you.

[Goingood 48]

Sorry I have no sympathy for you. You were playing bareback. Every guy that was ever in her... came a little. Men have minor spurts with semen long before the big one.

 

She could have gotten pregnant anytime.

 

This was a risk "you" chose and yet when it came time to pay up & support her... you ran.

 

Sorry but in my mind you failed her and deserve whatever she throws at you.

This is only too true. She will have trouble determining who the father is if she made a habit of going bareback with everybody she was with.

[here4thefun69 16]

Just thought I would post this for future consideration. The tables could have well been turned when you were fucking other women bareback. It doesn't require ejaculation to get someone pregnant.

 

What Are The Chances of Getting Pregnant without Ejaculation?

 

 

It is absolutely possible to become pregnant even if a man does not ejaculate, or does not ejaculate during intercourse. The most reliable methods of birth control involve the use of either a contraceptive medication, such as birth control pills, or a barrier, such as a condom.

 

It is possible for pre-seminal fluid (sometimes called precum) to have sperm in it. While pre-seminal fluid is not produced with sperm in it, if there is sperm in the man’s urethra from a previous ejaculation, the pre-seminal fluid may pick up the sperm and carry it along. If a man urinates after a previous ejaculation but before having sex, it is much less likely that his pre-seminal fluid will have sperm in it.

 

There are other factors that make “pulling out” a higher risk for becoming pregnant. Trying to avoid getting pregnant without ejaculation relies on the man’s ability to know his own body. He has to be able to tell right away when he is about to ejaculate so that he can withdrawal in time. In addition, using this method for birth control relies on the man’s self-control; he has to be able to stop himself at the very height of passion to make sure that he does not ejaculate.

 

Using this practice of “pulling out” as a form of birth control is not entirely reliable. Success rates run anywhere from 73 to 96% effectiveness. In contrast, the birth control pill is more than 99% effective, and the condom, when used correctly, is around 99% effective. In general, the withdrawal method is not always the best method of birth control.

 

If barriers, such as condoms, are not an option, and medication, such as the birth control pill, is not an option, you might consider a combination of withdrawal and the rhythm method. The rhythm method is based on the idea that you won’t have sex when you are fertile. This works best for women who have a regular cycle, and perfectly practice the rhythm method. This method does require constant vigilance, and cooperation of your partner. For religious and other reasons, this is the preferred birth control method for many women. Rhythm, like withdrawal, can be very effective. However, if a woman doesn’t have a menstrual cycle that is constant and predictable, the chances of becoming pregnant increase. The chances of becoming pregnant also increase dramatically if the partners don’t strictly follow the calendar.

 

Posted in Health and Well-Being

What Are The Chances of Getting Pregnant without Ejaculation?

[couplers 4,648]

Gordo said:

This was a risk "you" chose and yet when it came time to pay up & support her... you ran.

:

 

 

Hubby and I discussed this a long time ago (actually he just told me) - if I get pregnant it doesn't matter who the biological father is, he is there for me and we are a family. In this day when people are seeking out donor eggs, adoptions, insemination with donor sperm, surrogate mothers, all making viable families, it shouldn't make a difference. That is what love is all about.

 

 

We have also discussed this within our poly group more recently. Although Clair and I are both on contraceptives, if either of us gets pregnant we are all there for the child. We actually see extra security for a child in having both one parent outside and one within a married couple. It takes a village, as they say.

 

 

This reminds me - have you ever seen the study on tribes that believe in partible or shared paternity?

 

Shared Paternity in South American Tribes Confounds Biologists and Anthropologists

 

This mistaken belief leads to more peace in the tribe and better survival for the children.

[MacNfries 123]

txknight1, I'm sure you realize the mistakes the two of you made in all this mess. How in the world either of you would want to shift the responsibility and results of this to the other partner is way beyond rational understanding. You're both guilty as charged. Last I heard, there is about a 1:26 chance of getting pregnant, on average, under normal conditions, and you know that it doesn't take full intercourse to ejaculation to cause a pregnancy. It only takes one energetic sperm (usually found in pre-cum) to cause the situation you have. Why do you think so many Catholic girls use to get pregnant ... rhythm method, maybe? So the two of you were acting foolishly to begin with. What really counts, now, is what the two of you do now to prove that you are responsible adults. Leave the finger pointing to the idiots in Washington, DC right now! Ok .... enough lecturing you.

 

Reclaiming Your Relationship: Personally, something tells me you still care about this woman, and if so, you need to make amends. You said "now you're without a son or wife" ... that's a good indicator that you wish to accept that child as your own ... a very good sign. So find your best hat ... put your hat in your hand and go get the apology over with, and ask for a chance to start over. Do it right, and you probably get her back. By the way, there isn't anything like having a son to take to T-ball, fishing, ... ohhh man. Did I tell you my son is a starting 3rd baseman this year on a junior league, and my daughter is one level away from having her black belt in karate? Kids are so much fun!

 

Once you've fixed everything, stay the heck out of this lifestyle for a long while ... the two of you are a bit too naive to be in it. Wouldn't hurt to try getting a bit more involved in positive things right now ... the church is a good start in you believe in the creator.

[Chicup 41]

I love my kids, that doesn't mean I'd be raising someone elses child and taking him to t-ball games because my wife decided to get knocked up by some other guy.

 

While I think there is more to this story, it feels far more cuckhold than swinging.

 

There are a lot of missing details as well. Why couldn't she get pregnant for 9 years? How does he know hes not the father? If he is infertile why were they playing bareback? If she was, why weren't they at least smart enough to take extra BC?

 

The fact she is now with the biological father says there is more here going on than just normal 'swinging accident'.

[Goingood 48]

I love my kids, that doesn't mean I'd be raising someone elses child and taking him to t-ball games because my wife decided to get knocked up by some other guy.

 

While I think there is more to this story, it feels far more cuckhold than swinging.

 

There are a lot of missing details as well. Why couldn't she get pregnant for 9 years? How does he know hes not the father? If he is infertile why were they playing bareback? If she was, why weren't they at least smart enough to take extra BC?

 

The fact she is now with the biological father says there is more here going on than just normal 'swinging accident'.

You are displaying wisdom well beyond your years, my friend.

There's noway he should be held responsible for his ex wife's decision to allow her "true love" to impregnate her on his dime.

[Pleaseher6 1]

In some ways I am sympathetic towards your situation. You remained married for nine years and had established ground rules for swining which were violated by her. Would you have allowed her to become pregnant through Artificial Insemination or seeking a surrogate without strings? Most Women by nature have a desire to bear children.

 

I also think that as one who is religious you need to speak with your Minister. I think that you should also consider that in Judaism a Rabbi cannot perfrom a marraige for an infertile couple under religious law. The fact that you were married for nine years and were childless suggests you are infertile and your ex or soon to be ex suffered from secondary infertility married to you. So in Christianity, a Judaism based faith, one might find your marraige invalid for that reason. Swinging placed a temptation before her and it proved too much. She became pregnant. Did the bio father interfere in your mairraige? Did she continue with her relatiohship with her lover proving detrimental to your marraige? The fact that you stayed with her for a temporary period after the childs birth in some ways serves to validate (ratify) your desire to be a father to her child.

[couplers 4,648]

It is crazy as well to expect a guy to pull out when he about to cum. In my experience a guy will push in deeper and harder as he orgasims whether it is in my vag, mouth or bum. I think I posted this same thought on another thread when a woman complained that a guy came in her mouth.

[Gordo 618]

This is an old thread from back in Feb. I had some pretty harsh advice but time has not mellowed that thinking one bit.

 

But one additional detail did strike me re-reading this. She hadn't been able to get pregnant for 9 years. Does anyone even think she was thinking about getting pregnant after that period of time being unable to conceive??? It would be the last thing she'd think about.

 

Getting carried away and breaking a rule yes but I can really understand the lack of even thinking in that direction after 9 years.

[rainbowskye 102]

It may not have been the husband why she wasn't able to get pregnant in 9years.

 

It very well could have been her.

 

I have an illness that prevents me from ovulating. Which makes pregnancy impossible.

 

However, when I take my medication for said illness, I am more fertile than a rabbit, seriously.

 

I was married and never got pregnant, never used protection. I never knew why until we were divorced. He thought it was him.

 

I have no children, by choice and my ex had 3 children by choice now.

 

We just don't have enough information to really know and there are an unlimited amount of variables.