Why Do Singles Swing?

[OhioCouple 40]

Singles (both male and female), Why do you swing or what makes you want to try swinging solo? Were you in the lifestyle while in a prior commited relationship and continued afterwards?

 

What appeal does swinging bring to you?

 

What is it that turns you on about swinging?

[CLITFRIEND 15]

Wow---How do i want to approach this question without getting into trouble?? Ok--It is the truth that counts--and if it gets me into trouble--then so be it--(I am kind of use to getting into trouble anyway).

I was married for 15 years. I was married to a very beautiful young lady whom I still love and adore to this day. I have three children--all three of them with her. She was and is a wonderful woman in every compacity except for her sexual desires.

 

Now before you say--"Uh oh---another man complaining he wasnt geting enough--" let me assure you--that I was getting enough as far as her capabilities would allow her to do so. U see my wife was very visciously raped when she was just 12 years old. To make a very long story short--it set up a life time of sexual withdrawals for this beautiful woman. Yes I knew this when I went into the marraige. I did not let that bother me. I wanted to show this woman happiness, peace, and perhaps I though, I would save her world.

 

It didnt work out that way. We litereally got down to making love about once every 3 months. I never wanted to cheat on my wife--but at the same time--my needs were driving me up the wall. So I turn to porn on the net. She caught me---and told me it was cheating--and one thing led to another--and voila--here I am--single again.

 

Now what does this all have to do with the question at hand? It is simple---I want to get back with my wife--I am working on it---but I know that one thing I simply must do is get as much sexual eagerness out of me as I possibly can. Maybe we will never get back together as actual husband and wife. But we are talking---She does know that I am seeking to date--but she is not aware of to what extent. I know that if and when I am able to return to being the husband that I want to be--I will ahve to make some very dramatic changes in my lifestyle. And I fully intend to concur to do so.

 

I also want to swing because as my name would indicate--I am a sex addict! I love sex!! What I love the most is being able to pleasure women--to make them enjoy themselves because of what I do to them. My absolute favorite thing on earth to do is to give ladies long oral sessions because I just honestly enjoy the taste of a woman.

 

That is my answer----does it get me into trouble???

[Perseus 16]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

I did a search and also scanned through about 7 pages of topics and couldn't find where this question has been asked before.

 

Singles (both male and female), Why do you swing or what makes you want to try swinging solo? Were you in the lifestyle while in a prior commited relationship and continued afterwards?

 

What appeal does swinging bring to you? What is it that turns you on about swinging?

 

Hmm, well, for me, my ex and I had quite a few good times in our relationship (though we never actually called ourselves swingers). We had a couple of threesomes (birthday presents for me ) and once she brought home a couple from a club while I had be home watching the kids (that was an interesting night! ) That and the fact that I am attracted to more mature people (crazy 20 something single girls are NOT my thing) makes swinging a much better fit for me then the club scene.

 

Perseus

[oriel 15]

I got involved in swinging while in a previous relationship (and a previous country!).

 

I'm getting back into it now as a single for a number of reasons. Firstly, I find it exciting. Secondly, like Perseus, I prefer more mature women and find swinging a good way to meet them. Thirdly, my job means I am travelling almost constantly so I'm not looking for a long term relationship - given that fact why not swing since I enjoy it anyway. Fourthly, I will probably return to Ireland in the near future. Again, not looking for an ongoing relationship so why not meet couples rather than singles?

[EternallySingle 32]

I am not actively swinging, and really don't expect to anytime soon, but I was active in the lifestyle once and like the ability to talk about it to others who understand (or want to understand) how I felt and want from it. As far as why I want to swing...why not?

 

Two of the three moderately successful relationships I've had were with single women in the lifestyle, and it was the ability not only to admit attraction for others but the ability to joke about it and, on occasion, act on it that I feel made those relationships successful.

 

As far as swinging as a single, I would ONLY do it if I were able to truly become FRIENDS with the women and couples I met. I value friendship over sex and my past experiences with swinging shows that you can have both without making all parties involved feel uncomfortable.

[Soulfinger508 16]

About five years ago, I started getting mail solicitations regarding swing clubs and pen pals who would be interested in meeting me. I never followed up on this because there was money involved but I was still intrigued, nonetheless. Not long after that, I was forwarded a swingers newsletter via the Internet but most of the parties were couples only. I asked a lady that I knew for quite sometime if she would be interested in coming to a party with me. She said "Hell no!". Apparently she wasn't into that scene, so this pretty much deterred me from asking other women to accompany me to these parties.

 

Flash forward to 2000. I was approached by a female half of a couple who wanted to screw me in her van. When I first met her she was wearing a trench coat. Her hubby was with her and he was very laidback about the situation. When we got back to her van she revealed what was under her coat. She was naked as a newborn baby. My mouth dropped. I was so stunned I couldn't say anything. Needless to say, we had sex in the back of the van. Her hubby got out of the vehicle when I started to have sex with his wife. He encouraged me to have fun and pull his wife's hair because she likes it. I felt like I was in a porn movie. We exchanged numbers afterwards and would get together like two or three times a week for more fun. The whole event was a mind blowing experience.

 

This past March, I went to my first swinger party. It was way out in the burbs. The party reminded me of an episode of HBO's Real Sex. There wasn't too many single women there. There were more single men, but I still had fun. There were couples at the party who liked single males and being that I was new there were people who were anxious to meet me and get better acquainted. There's another party this month, but I won't be able to go because I have my family reunion, but I'm counting the days until the following event. In my opinion, swinger parties are lot better than clubs and bars because swingers are more straight forward about what they want and I appreciate that.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I think a large proportion of single swingers are those that for one reason or another have swung but lost there swinging partner. ONce you have been in the lifestyle (for me it was a very long time), you don't just lose the desire to be a part.

 

John

[jen 16]

I really can't say that I am involved in swinging. I am actually sitting on the edges. I ponder and ponder the thoughts presented here and elsewhere regarding swinging, mingle those thoughts into my own, with my heart and some creative visualization, then I read and ponder some more.

 

Maybe that is all I will ever do. Then again, maybe not.

[Perseus 16]

Quote

Originally posted by jen

I really can't say that I am involved in swinging. I am actually sitting on the edges. I ponder and ponder the thoughts presented here and elsewhere regarding swinging, mingle those thoughts into my own, with my heart and some creative visualization, then I read and ponder some more.

 

Maybe that is all I will ever do. Then again, maybe not.

 

May I ask what some of your thinking is? What attracts you and what are your reservations? I know for me, when I considered going in single, I was afraid that my looks, race, age, package, preferences, etc, wouldn't make me attractive to couples as a single man is the lifestyle (perceptions and stereotypes are funny things). I know now that they is someone for everyone, but it was scary at first. I don't get with a new couple very often, but when I do, it is worth it to me.

[jen 16]

Quote

May I ask what some of your thinking is? What attracts you and what are your reservations? I know for me, when I considered going in single, I was afraid that my looks, race, age, package, preferences, etc, wouldn't make me attractive to couples as a single man is the lifestyle (perceptions and stereotypes are funny things). I know now that they is someone for everyone, but it was scary at first. I don't get with a new couple very often, but when I do, it is worth it to me.

 

My thoughts involve all the aspects that you mention. My appearance, attitudes & preferences, etc.

 

Also, I wonder things like; if I involve myself in this lifestyle - could that have a negative affect on my opportunities in meeting a someone who would be my special someone.

 

There is also a huge shyness factor. People repeatedly say "be yourself" to shy people, well, myself is -- shy. Posting here and conversing in chat rooms has helped a lot, but my nature is that of shyness. So I am the type to think and think again, before taking any action.

 

Perceptions and stereotypes are very funny things.

 

What attracts me;

The idea itself attracts me. The thought that people can and do share their most intimate world with others, creating friendships and believing in their spouses enough to be so open & so giving. Wow

 

Ok and sex, I like sex.

 

Hey thanks for asking and for quoting...giddy again

[Soulfinger508 16]

Quote

Originally posted by jen

My thoughts involve all the aspects that you mention. My appearance, attitudes & preferences, etc.

 

Also, I wonder things like; if I involve myself in this lifestyle - could that have a negative affect on my opportunities in meeting a someone who would be my special someone.

 

There is also a huge shyness factor. People repeatedly say "be yourself" to shy people, well, myself is -- shy. Posting here and conversing in chat rooms has helped a lot, but my nature is that of shyness. So I am the type to think and think again, before taking any action.

 

Perceptions and stereotypes are very funny things.

 

What attracts me;

The idea itself attracts me. The thought that people can and do share their most intimate world with others, creating friendships and believing in their spouses enough to be so open & so giving. Wow

 

Ok and sex, I like sex.

 

Hey thanks for asking and for quoting...giddy again

 

Hopefully Mr. Right doesn't hold it against you that you participated in the swinging life. After all, Mr. Right must've had some type of wild life before he meets you. Why should he hold you as some sort of object of virginity or sexual purity? We're not perfect. I'm a bit shy to a point, but someone once told me the best way to deal with your fear is to confront it. Next party you go to, ask the host to introduce you around. Dancing is also a good way to break the ice. As I mentioned in my previous post, there are a lot of single men who attend these parties (well the parties that allow single men). I'm sure out of that single bunch you'll find one that you'll probably hit it off with and perhaps be in a long term relationship. Just a thought.

[ciscosv 26]

At a time before my wife, I was simply not looking to be involved with *anyone*. Swinging sounded to me like it would be an easy way to get some no strings free sex. That's my single man answer.

 

Now that I somehow met the woman I was never looking for, here we are!

[Ttownsingle 15]

Hmm, I'd like to throw my 2 cents in on the matter of the how and why single guys want to swing.

 

I started out after my first real relationship failed due to her promiscuous ways. (I think that whats you call 6 guys in one month?) Anyhow, I was trying to meet girls my age back then, and it seemed that most young 20 something girls were all basketcases. Either they wanted to move in and set up house, or they had serious issues that they dragged me into. Well, since that wasn't working out, I decided to give swinging a try. I knew that it was mostly older couples, and I figured that if they were an older married couple, then they would have to be stable mentally. After a few times with different couples, i found out that I was correct. And, not only was it a really fun thing to do on a friday night, but I discovered that I was attracted to the older women and the attention they gave me. All of them were very cordial people, and were very welcoming. In retrospect, I think I enjoyed it most because I knew that I was sexually pleasing people and that was like an ego boost, which made me feel confident about my love making abilities.

 

After swinging for about a year with about 5 steady couples, I had to break the news to them that I had found someone that I was comitted to. My relationship started great and then went downhill. Near the end of it i found myself wishing that I could swing again, not so much for the sex, but for the carefree conversations and the relaxed attitude. And now, i am single once more and free to do as i please.

[Geometrixs 15]

As to why I attend a party now and then, ..I like the people, the openness, the desire to have fun and enjoy. I like the dynamics of people coming together and playing. Yeah, I like to participate, when asked and with the right person(s), but I’m also content to just mingle and enjoy the evening. You find a little of everything at a swingers party and for the most part, swingers are a very comfortable group of people. I also travel a bit and it’s pleasant to attend a party and be warmly accepted the minute you walk in.

[ATAK 15]

This is a good question and so far has garnered a lot of good responses. As for me, my first experience with multi-partner relationships was more orgy related singles than committed swinging couples. Needless to say, I enjoyed the sexual freedom that my tight-knit group of friends offered me, but I began to realize then that there was a distinct difference between sex for fun and sex for love.

 

When I became involved in a committed relationship, I was made to feel like I was the "typical horny male" for thinking there was a difference between fun sex and love sex. So for years I dismissed the notion. As recently as a year ago or so, I began reflecting on the good times I had when I was younger and my belief of fun sex resurfaced. Once my relationship had diminished to the point that there was no saving it, I began to seek out people I knew understood what I was thinking. Swingers. In my search, I came across the SLS website and consequently, Swinger's Board.

 

After posting my profile on SLS and a few posts on this site, I began receiving a few e-mails and contacts thru Yahoo. I decided to follow up with one of these and met a very nice lady who lives in Myrtle Beach, SC. She and I had dinner one Friday night and went to a couple of swinger's bars that she knew of and had a blast.

 

As far as swinging from the perspective of a committed couple, I've not had that experience yet. But as for swinging single, it's because of the association and friendship with good people who believe as I do that there is a separation of sex for fun and sex for love. Couples generally look for other couples, but once in a while, you become friends with the right people and discover wonderful things about them, both in the bedroom and out.

 

Note to Jen: Anyone who considers swinging looks to fulfill a need or desire. We are all at different stages in our lives with different reservations and limitations. I applaud you for being open with us and sharing your feelings. I hope you become fulfilled with whatever steps you take into this world. I can't help but believe that if you have an honest interest in swinging that you will find that your "special someone" will also have that interest. While it's not mandatory, chances are if you associate with people who swing, you'll meet someone in that crowd. You will already have something in common.

[Bob123 15]

I don't swing

 

because I am a single male and people do not want me around.

 

Also because I do not have the money to buy my way into clubs or to buy friends.

 

Also I do not know any swingers or women who could "escort" me into a swinging place to meet swingers.

[CLITFRIEND 15]

Originally posted by Bob123

I don't swing

 

because I am a single male and people do not want me around.

 

Let's see--I do make an attempt at swinging--and occasionally I am fortunate to find people who don't mind being around me.

 

Also because I do not have the money to buy my way into clubs or to buy friends.

 

Buy friends??? Oh my gosh---is that what I am doing wrong?? I am not shopping for friends?? Ok--wait a minute---anybody who can advise me what are the best stores I can buy friends at?? Wal-mart?? Target? Are you talking buying things that are representing the Tv show "Friends"--or actually buying friends---hmmm what the price for friends?? ---umm--any of you ladies want to be bought????

 

Also I do not know any swingers or women who could "escort"

me into a swinging place to meet swingers.

 

Maybe because you are not buying them enough???

 

I dont want to be argumentive here bob, but have u ever stop to think that the host/hostess of such clubs may be requiring the fees to pay for the things that are necessary to help u have an enjoyable tie--Like the place, the food, the electric bills,the bartenders, the...........

[Bob123 15]

I see what you are saying. But I cannot possible see myself going to a club and using one hundred and fifty dollars of amenities.

[OhioCouple 40]

Let's not forget the security issue also. Most couples don't need to be 'policed', unfortuantely single men do. Therefore a club that does allow singles need to recoup the money spent in order to keep employees that spend the majority of their time 'policing' the single men. Let's face it. If the couples do not feel safe, they are not going to come, therefore, there would be no reason for a single to even go to a club, unless of course he was there to meet with other men. But that's a whole other club issue entirely.

[MagicEnigma 16]

I swing because I got into it as an outgrowth of my desire to try other things. I got involved with an older guy, we were trying a lot of things, I was getting more and more confortable with pushing our experiments a little further as we went. I came out as bisexual when I realized my attraction to women wasn't just curiousity. I previously wanted to experience a threesome with another man. To get the threesome, and not being shy with women anymore, I agree to my boyfriends counter offer of getting him with another guy, if I was with another woman. That got us into a full swap he arranged for. He didn't pull through with the threesome I wanted, we went our own ways. The couple I we were with kept in contact with me. After a couple of months of threesomes with them, I decided I wanted to try something more, and accepted their offer to take me with them to the group they swing with.

 

I didn't wake up and decide, I'm going to swing, it just developed that I could and was comfortable with trying it. The sex, the freedom, the sex, and the experiences have been amazing. The variety, pure pleasure, taboo thrill, all make it fun. I feel really satisfied at the end of a nice trip to Michigan, and for the trouble of driving through Detroit, I'd darn well better get a good time out of it!

 

I think I could use some less than clean terms to describe what I get out of it, but to be polite and cliche: I feel empowered. Where as I might feel bad the first few trips home after being around my parents, picking up on their views on sex again, feeling guilty though not wrong in what I do. Now it just bounces off me. I feel totally aware of myself sexually. I know exactly how I like to do things, what does what for me. I get a huge amount of confidence walking through a room of guys, who I know are looking at my chest, knowing I am even more than they think I am. I don't worry about if I'm going to make a guy or another woman happy in bed anymore. Or worry how I'll look to them in bed.

 

Again, there are less dignified, maybe slightly smug or arrogant things I could say about what I feel I get out of swinging, or why I swing. The most of it I'll say is that I do think I have a more exciting sex life than most people who either don't swing, or think they have it good.

[Bob123 15]

I guess if I ever go to a club that when I feel like leaving I could just pick a fight with a bouncer, you know, to get my moneys worth of the whole experience.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

The whole issue of why males pay more is not because of the "policing", as the patrons themselves do a fine job of that. It is not discrimination unless it is a total ban. Discrimination is not against the law or in my opinion unethical anyhow under certain circumstances. There are male clubs, female clubs, single clubs, and in the case of swingers, couple clubs.

 

When couple clubs drop the price for single men they literally get swarmed with them. The result is that no one but single men would end up coming along with maybe a few nympho's. I have seen this happen. Private clubs still have the right to control their environement by whatever they consider to be effective. THe only possible alternative would be to only allow say 5 disctinct individuals that pass some specified criteria. Well, this is preposterous too because those 5 guys would not be there every week and people do like variety.

 

No matter how much we resent it life is life. If couples had to pay 100.00 and you had to pay 200.00 it would be the same issue. The clubs would still pull the same people only half as often.

 

If it were logistical to successfully run a club that allows single men in for the same price as couples (even per couple as opposed to per person), it would be the norm. There are reasons other than discrimination, or fear that drive these trends. I disagree with the tone of many people concerning single men, but I have to agree with the laws of supply and demand.

 

I would suggest lightening up on the personal attacks and the defensiveness because it does no good. Lets face it, most men do not go to swinging clubs anyhow. Most couples don't either. It is a delight to be shared by the lucky few and this board is a great place to be able to interact even if you don't want to, or cannot attend swinging functions, lets keep it that way.

 

John

[ATAK 15]

As happens often, I re-read my original post and found it wanting. So I thought I'd give another shot at answering why I choose to swing as a single male.

 

As I have learned, swinging means many different things to many different people. Some view it as quick, no strings attached sex, with no further contact afterwards. Others view it as the deepest possible relationship two couples can have with one another while maintaining their own emotionally committed relationships.

 

For me at this stage of the game, it means being able to associate with people who believe in the separation of sex for love and sex for fun. Although I am single, I know who my soul-mate is...I've met her and we talk constantly. We are not "together" right now because of physical circumstances that cause us to be seperated by great distance. We are both working to eliminate this barrier to our happiness.

 

I don't actively seek out people to have sex with. I have no problems attracting women who want to have casual sex and women who are "husband hunting". Sex isn't the driving force, but more the icing on the cake of friendship and understanding.

 

I look forward to experiencing the emotional satisfaction of being able to share with good friends something that, In the mainstream, may not be so accepted. I want to have friends (couples) with whom I/we can share all aspects of our lives with.

 

As far as my soul-mate's take on swinging...she is really the reason I began getting back into the lifestyle. It was her suggestion that seeing me with another woman (and her own desire to be with one) would be a huge turn-on. She and I have talked at length about making that happen for her, and me. But have yet to act upon it. And we won't, until we are both comfortable with the situation and prospective partner.

 

I basically swing to meet people and make friends. If I'm invited for sex with a couple, then great! But to expect it is stupid. Some may view it as I'm simply getting what I can before my g/f and I are able to be together, but in fact, that's not true. Hopefully I can make the kinds of friends I can then introduce her to, and see what happens. I suppose I'm getting the jump on her (no pun intended ) in meeting people in the lifestyle.

 

The openness and warm feeling I get in the presence of swingers is unmatched by any other group of people I've ever been associated with. I cannot help but be drawn to these people. Where else can you completely be yourself and not have the pretension of wondering what people may look like in their underwear? Chances are....if you've not seen them in their underwear, you may....

[Soulfinger508 16]

Damn! It feels like yours truly and HappySexAddict live in the area where they're lenient on single men entering swinger parties. Where I live they only charge ten bucks extra for single men. Women get in free. That's because women are in higher demand than single men. That I can live with. While on that note, I'm going to see if I can sneak away from my family gathering in the evening to attend the next swinger party. Let's see how things go.

[CLITFRIEND 15]

Originally posted by Soulfinger508

Damn! It feels like yours truly and HappySexAddict live in the area where they're lenient on single men entering swinger parties. Where I live they only charge ten bucks extra for single men. Women get in free. That's because women are in higher demand than single men. That I can live with. While on that note, I'm going to see if I can sneak away from my family gathering in the evening to attend the next swinger party. Let's see how things go.

 

True soulfinger--but do not forget--at the party you are refering to---they only allow 6 single men at one party--and you are limited to how many time you are allowed to enter w/o a partner----hmmmm-----any of you ladies planning to be in the Southern New England area this summer by any chance??????

[Yoop 15]

Holy cow..... the thought of that being an add is scary...lol. Although, the responses from the blue haired crowd could be good for comic relief..... Thanks for the welcome, look forward to being an active (and hopefully not bored) member of the group....

 

Yoop

[BK4169 15]

I have not actually "swung" yet. Years ago, when I was in college, I had a very pleasurable experience with a married couple, so the idea of swinging has percolated in my mind for a number of years. I'm interested in finding friends, where we really enjoy each others company, have similiar interests, and are feenin for each other. I'm not looking for the love of the century, but friends for century.

 

BK

[Vjklander 138]

I think y'all are overlooking the obvious with respect to the original post. Singles, both M and F, swing out of pure altruism, so as provide a neverending supply of fresh mea.. partners to we couples who enjoy threesomes as well as foursomes.

J

[Soulfinger508 16]

Originally posted by happysexaddict

True soulfinger--but do not forget--at the party you are refering to---they only allow 6 single men at one party--and you are limited to how many time you are allowed to enter w/o a partner----hmmmm-----any of you ladies planning to be in the Southern New England area this summer by any chance??????

 

 

I wasn't aware there were limitations. The last party had more than six single men so I can see why they decided to restrict it. Like I said in some other post, single ladies are more in demand than us and I'm not hating because of it. Anyhow, it's hard trying to find a lady to attend one of these functions. For me, I have luck finding openminded women when I'm not looking for them.

[anetrnlov 15]

I would say that I have always been kind of interested in the whole idea of swinging.

 

However, I never gave it serious consideration until my son's father and I started talking about the possibility of us getting into the lifestyle. Unfortunately we parted ways before we were ever able to go through with it.

 

Now I mainly find myself looking for something new. I am definately a "I will try anything once" kind of people.

 

I believe myslef to be a very sexual person. I am very aware of what pleases me and what doesn't and I believe this to be another way of heightening my sexuality.

 

I hope it to be a learning experience as well. I hope to learn some more about myself. I also want to see how couples function in the lifestyle without losing the intimacy they have with one another so that I know how to approach things if I get involved with someone again.

[curious24 17]

Why do singles swing? Well I got interested about 5 years ago.. I realized earily on that single males where not usually taken very well. Since that point I've come not to expect any thing at all from the lifestyle. I enjoy chatting with people who are in the life style because they are so open minded. However, I've found some are more open minded than others. This site is the exception. It is an excellent site. I've been on a few that are just horrible and I don't understand why or how people can be so rude. To no evail I don't let this get to me at all. I figure some people are just like that.

 

At any rate, I got interested in the life style because of the openness there is that some people have and the acceptedness that most people have of others sexual activities. I also came to realize that there was more to sex than just what I had always thought sex to be. Ever since my mind has been going crazy with ideas, thoughts, and fantasies.

 

Something that I really enjoyed in my last relationship was getting my g/f off. That to me was the most fun about having sex. I would always ask her what she wanted and I would be more than happy to do whatever it was she wanted. I would also surprise her with new things that I would think of to make her feel good. In my eyes it was all about her pleasure b/c that's what made me happy and I had a GREAT time doing it. What this experience has led me to think is that I have my fantasies but those are secondary to the pleasure of the person or persons I'm with. Most of the time (at least with my last relationship) I got what I wanted in the end by making the other so happy.

 

However, now I am single and have been single for about 4 years I would like to explore my sexuality with the right couple, but finding that right couple hasn't happened. Doesn't really bother though b/c I'm not expecting anything to ever happen but if it does I wouldn't turn it away

 

Anyway that's the long reason as to why I'm curious to try swinging. If it happens great! If it doesn't I'm not going to sweat it b/c the person I want to end up being with the rest of my life will be so great of a person I wouldn't want anyone else. However, if she wanted to share sometime down the road I don't think it would be a huge leap for me to over come

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Singles swing for some (see Ohio Couple, not an absolute statement!) of the same reasons couples do.

 

To have sex.

 

Everything else is probably opinionated reasons.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I was single for seven years until recently. I didn't have the time nor the engery, let alone of the desire to deal with a relationship, or even trying to start a relationship. So, I went without sex for far too long in my humble opinion.

 

Sadly, it took me several years to get to a place where I was comfortable with the thought and had the confidence to approach sex, for sex's sake alone. I wasn't thinking of it as the lifestyle or swinging. I just wanted to get laid and explore some much ignored fantasies on a regular basis. I was in the midst of chatting with a few couples when my single status dramatically changed.

 

The gist of this is, I would have loved to swing as a single, and it would have been for sex, fun and the lack of a traditional relationship and all that implies.

 

-- Bunny

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Single males probably created the lifestyle. You see back when it was swinging it was singles that had free sex. The males broke the barrier by allowing there lovers to have sex with other males.

 

Now the married females seem to think that control is the issue. Give them a little power and there goes the whole lifestyle. It has turned into bi-females running the show. This too is a fact of life.

 

Us single swingers will be around though forever. We need to show the utmost respect for couples but everytime one disrespects us in generalities us good singles need to bark back. We are just people too.

 

People that would drag down the lifestyle will always get on this board as an asshole single male. IT makes sense. IF you can fool the female half of a dedicated swinger then she is likely to lump all single males into one category. HOrny aggresive alpha males.

 

We aren't all that way though.

 

TO read the posts of people that pretend to be single males and take them seriously is to make a big mistake.

 

TO judge single males by the crowd that attends an open party that doesn't filter males is a big mistake in the same light.

 

Males that are pervs or disrespectful look for easy lays because they can't get any otherwise. They couldnt attract a single female if there life depended on it. BUt ya know what? The majority of guys interested in swinging are altruistic males that want the same thing as the hubbies of the wives that so abhor them.

 

The disgust for them is only exaggerated by attitudes based on not being able to see the forest through the trees.

 

Most people are people. Most true swinging males never have a forum on here. If they even express an interest in sexuality they are judged harshly. It doesnt matter if some stud took there woman or if she died in a farming accident.

 

Single females are rarely judged in the same frame of mind though. ONline she may be a 40 year old guy named RUFus with a name like LITTLE SUZIESILKYTHIGHS.

 

I know of few swinging couples that do not have special memories of that special single guy.

 

Guys, make those memories. DO not defend yourselves for being single. Just read through the posts that are intended to intimidate.

 

Hope that made sense but it did to me.

 

John

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

Single males probably created the lifestyle. You see back when it was swinging it was singles that had free sex. The males broke the barrier by allowing there lovers to have sex with other males.

Let me be the first to thank all the single men for giving me the freedom to make an informed choice to have sex with other people. I didn't realize that the 'right' to do so was because another male 'allowed' me to have illicit sex outside of a sanctious relationship.

 

Holy cow, where have I and all of my female counterparts heads been buried all these years? I suppose up some guys ......

 

Wow, I have a lot to learn. I am bummed, I thought I was getting the hang of it.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

If it is illicit then its probably bad. Sinle males that started the idea of swinging had no bad intentions. I think they just wanted to expand the sexual horizons. If you really think about it it was in fact males that brought swinging into the tremendously fun lifestlye that it has become. I find it intriguingly stimulating that females now seem to run the lifestyle....rather perplexing but intriguing to say the least.

 

The right isn't the idea, as all swingers know, its not a matter of right or wrong, but as most people would agree males generally start the subject. This is a generality, and an accurate one.

 

John

[Roxysbayou 20]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

Now the married females seem to think that control is the issue. Give them a little power and there goes the whole lifestyle. It has turned into bi-females running the show. This too is a fact of life.

 

I don't know if I agree so much about being in control. We are both in this and enjoy it together. I am allowing him, just as much as he is allowing me. But we don't have one of those marriages that is dominated by one or the other anyway. I probably wouldn't still be her eif we did. I think that I was brought up to be strong and independant and that carries over into everything.

 

But I do agree that the lifestyle seems to be more about bi-sexual women these days. Why do you think that is? Is it because homosexuality/bisexuality is more prominent than it was say 30 years ago?

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

I don't know if I agree so much about being in control. We are both in this and enjoy it together. I am allowing him, just as much as he is allowing me. But we don't have one of those marriages that is dominated by one or the other anyway. I probably wouldn't still be her eif we did. I think that I was brought up to be strong and independant and that carries over into everything.

 

But I do agree that the lifestyle seems to be more about bi-sexual women these days. Why do you think that is? Is it because homosexuality/bisexuality is more prominent than it was say 30 years ago?

 

YOu bring up two subjects. You say YOU probably wouldnt be in the lifestyle if it was a control thing. The other subject is that the lifestyle seems to be more about bi-sexual women. Well you brought up a third subject too....is bi/homo more predominant than it was 30 years ago.

 

No. 1....you and your hubby don't have issues about whether its a MFMF, MMF , FFM. That may be a whole issue. Lots of females choose to just say that all males are jerks so no need for the MMF thing. A lot of single males contribute to this philosophy also, but as we all know there are lots of great males that could make a true MMF fantasy come true, with three happy people.

 

No. 2 Why does the female bisexuality predominate? Females are not considering it to be evil or taboo. Females enjoy other females. Even in a straight situation, like a wedding you think nothing of females dancing together, but if two males danced together they would be labelled. Something so simple causes the average male to trip out.

 

No. 3. IN the last 30 years sexual evolution has not changed. Refer to no. 1.

 

It is mr macho that insists on macho sex. That is why most people don't swing.

 

John

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

Lots of females choose to just say that all males are jerks so no need for the MMF thing. .

So you are saying that women are responsible for the rejection of allowing a single male in their bedroom, one in which they already share with a man? Did it occur to you that a lot of people don't need an excuse for why they don't want a single male? Not all couples fantasize this.

Even in a straight situation, like a wedding you think nothing of females dancing together, but if two males danced together they would be labelled. Something so simple causes the average male to trip out.

Somewhat contradictory don't you think? Lots of females say all males are jerks, men are afraid of being labeled according to what you have written.

 

I'll agree that both are factors but, I don't think one has more predominance over the other. Then factor in that... Hey! Some people just don't want a single man in their bedroom, some just wanna have equal time, equal sex, commonly known as swapping mates. A single, cannot bring about a full swap, regardless of their relationship status or whatever, a SINGLE person is a SINGLE person. Single meaning ONE SINGLE person.

[Bob123 15]

I think on average, male sexuality is ,right or wrong, seen as more of a threat than female sexuality. Female sexuality is almost never seen as preditory.

[HouTxSweetBBW 15]

I am a member of a swinger group that meets once a month to party at the moderator's home. This lady goes to a lot of expense and I'm not sure she ever gets totally reimbursed for it. We either bring $10 worth of food or $10 to put in the "party fund." She provides the linens for the beds, condoms, paper plates and utensils for the food. She cleans, fills and heats her hot tub for each party. She has installed a sound system and run it out to the deck and hot tub area. She's even recentely enclosed her carport to make yet another bedroom because our group has grown so much. She hires a cleaning lady to come on the Monday after every party to help her clean the house. We do try to pick up after ourselves but there's still a lot to be done. I am so gratful to her for offering and opening her home to us that I'd never complain about the little bit it costs me to attend the parties.

[HouTxSweetBBW 15]

Guys, make those memories. DO not defend yourselves for being single. Just read through the posts that are intended to intimidate.

 

Hope that made sense but it did to me.

 

John [/b]

 

I can only comment on my own experiences. The singles males in our group for the most part are really wonderful. Our group is one of the few in the Houston area that allows singles males or I should say without a partner present since some of them are married and swinging without their wives. We don't question them as to the whether they are married or not, that's there business. I've always been treated with respect, no has always been no without a problem...if I didn't want to play. The bifemale wives in our group have not taken control, lol. The only person in control in our group...or at least at the parties is the hostess. Ok she is a bifemale but that's not why she's in control, it's her home. I joined this group because when I went to a meet n greet I was warmly welcomed by all, singles and married alike. They made me feel so comfortable, and I was scared to death until I walked in the door. We spend time together doing things besides having sex. We get together for dinner and dancing, movies etc. Our group is based as much on friendship as it is sex. I don't swing to have sex as someone suggested I never had a problem getting all the sex I could handle....at least not since getting on the internet, lol. I started swinging because when I met these people they met a need I didn't even realize until that time that I had....true friends....and having sex with these friends is really great too, lol. :p

[tncpl 15]

Hello

 

We are new to the board. The question as to why singles swing is an interesting one and thought i'd share my reasons.

 

I am not single now but i did swing when i was. There were several things the probably contributed to my feelings towards sex that happened in my early years. no i was not molested.

 

I'll give alittle background info that way my reasons will be more understandable.

 

When i was young I saw a few times a few people have sex without their knowledge. I also (being a sneaky curious kid found my pops porn and of course had to check it out.

 

I have always been the type of person that enjoys watching and participating in sexual situations out of the ordinary. not your usual one on one type sex. I find it extremely erotic and fun to have sex with mulitple partners and be open enough to share my desires with my wife and I really love to hear hers.

 

So for me its the openness and the excitement of beiing with more than one person and relaxed. I have always been more relaxed in a open situation than. So far my experiences with swingers clubs both as a single and married is more enjoyable atmosphere because everyone is there to enjoy themselves and not out to start trouble like they do in a regular bar.

[HouTxSweetBBW 15]

Originally posted by tncpl

 

 

So for me its the openness and the excitement...

 

The openess, excitement and relaxed environment in the party house of swinger group is very enticing. Being an exhibtionist too, it gives me a venue without having to go out in a public place and "show" myself, lol.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

It is refreshing to see the board lightening up on singles. One comment that I have seen repeated is that singles are actually more obnoxious at regular bars...which is an observation I have to agree with.

 

John

[armympbabe 15]

I am a single female swinger (although I am very attached to my soulmate and have his blessing) i first started swinging because during a very frank discussion with the love of my life, we talked about our real fantasies. his was to see me with another woman with the possibility of making it a threesome. my fantasy was to explore my bi curious side - threesome or not. Soooo, i got on the internet and found some swinger sites, clubs, materials, etc... as I had more and more experiences, i was grateful that not only did i have the foresight to acknowledge who and what i am, what i want, but that i am honest enough to admit that i enjoy the experiences. At times i do feel a bit left out,because most of the people at the club i go to are couples and therefore feel a bit of an outsider. I also have another reason why I have continued swinging... I am a single female in the armed services - literally the only one in my particular platoon... and unfortunately at this moment am deployed - stateside- some of the males in my company see me as "relief" until they can see their other halves again - no I dont go there, but they make it known that as a female - i could help them out in certain ways...they make me feel dirty....i go to the clubs because i can explore my sexuality freely and because it is something i and my boyfirend both want and i sure dont feel dirty...i feel free...excitedthe people i meet dont see me as a convenience, but a person with a brain and something to offer besides a convenient body....i have never felt ashamed in a club, nor have i felt dirty or disrespected...I look forward to meeting someone new every week - whether we "click" sexually or not....aint a darn thing to do with any type of discrimination....

[armympbabe 15]

i guess its a matter of opinion....i am single, i dont go to the club with my boyfriend, and if i make a connection, male or female, it is my choice. if i meet someone and there is an attraction - all the way around and we enjoy the experience, i ask if they would like to join me next time with my "friend". maybe i'm wrong as far as etiquette goes, but thats pretty single to me.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

I guess single to me is not having a s/o.

 

John

[HouTxSweetBBW 15]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN

I guess single to me is not having a s/o.

 

John

 

I've always considered anyone swinging without a partner a "single" swinger. They aren't part of a couple and I've never seen any other termonology used on swinger sites. Maybe someone should come up with a term that would let us know who is "attached" and who isn't.

 

Carla:p

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Originally posted by HouTxSweetBBW

I've always considered anyone swinging without a partner a "single" swinger. They aren't part of a couple and I've never seen any other termonology used on swinger sites. Maybe someone should come up with a term that would let us know who is "attached" and who isn't.

 

Carla:p

 

The term "attached" works pretty good doesn't it?

 

John