Is our single male friend hiding something?

[Lyczewski1983 15]

Ok so this has my wife and I baffled. We started swinging about three weeks ago. We posted an ad on craigslist (yes I know) and met a single male. We talked to him through email a bit and we saw pictures of him and all so we decided to have him over. Well the picture looked like him but not really when he showed up. We hit it off anyways had some drinks and decided to play with him after all. It was a great time! My wife got so much dick and enjoys it a lot.

 

Well they have began texting each other during the day which is fine with me and I don't mind at all but things seem to be way off here. Examples are he only texts when he's supposedly at work, he never can be reached by phone. He was supposed to meet my wife yesterday for a one on one encounter and at the last moment said he couldn't get coverage for the night shift so he had to work and the all of a sudden something happened and he had to go home?

 

We are thinking either he's full of shit and lives at home with his parents or he's married or has a girlfriend. Things just aren't adding up with the guy.

 

So my question is how to we go about getting some more info out of the guy? We don't want to overstep any boundaries and my wife loves the dick she is getting but we don't want to get it at the expense of hurting someone.

 

Any help on this would be greatly appreciated!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Those are certainly red flags and you are right to be concerned. But they are not proof that he is being untruthful.

 

Craig's List is easily abused by those that want to play on the fringes of the LS without being total honest. It just does not have any tools to help you out in that area. While swingers sites are not 100% effective, they are somewhat better at helping you out in that regard.

 

If is just "dick" she likes then there are plenty of willing males out there that are in the lifestyle and honest. No need to waste time with him if you feel he is hiding something. If it is "HIS dick" she likes then you have a bit more of a quandary.

 

People are secretive for all sorts of reason when it comes to the lifestyle. He may be legitimately swinging or maybe not. Just ask him straight up what the deal is. He may come clean, he may have a good lie or he be innocent. If he is lying then in may also just disappear. But if you have concerns then I would not hesitate to discuss them with him. Once you know more then you can make an informed decision.

[bbarnsworth 2,663]

Gut feelings often tend to be right in these scenarios.

 

Like you, my wife and I refuse to play with a guy who is cheating on someone. It's just not worth the potential drama, plus the hurt the unwitting victim can and often does suffer.

[Tina and Bob 236]

Is it a pattern or has this just happened the one time? Looks like you've only gotten together once, and your wife is already crazy about and craving his dick? I know this is water over the dam, but don't you think you two should have assured yourself of his relationship status, serious gf or no gf and married or not, before your wife fucked him. If your wife really wants his dick and his dick only, I'd give him another opportunity, but only after assuring yourself of his status. If you have his full name, age and city/town where he lives you'd be amazed at how much information you can find on an individual, even if you have to pay $20 for a background check. It would be money well spent if it saves you and your wife from dealing with a jealous gf or spouse. Good luck but as Coupleerotic said, there are plenty of legitimate men out there that would be willing to share their dicks with your wife.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I have found when speaking with people in the lifestyle that if you ask them directly they tend to be pretty honest. One of the first questions I ask is, "Are you married, do you have a girlfriend?" Now I can't tell you for sure if someone lies, but I do know many people have said yes and explained the situation right away when I asked. So your first step is to ask him and see how he answers and reacts. Communication is important all around in swinging not just between the married couple, but between playmates too!

 

I would suggest in the future talk about your desire for a steady playmate rather than a one night stand situation if that's what you're looking for. Maybe he's not interested in becoming a regular playmate. I always ask couples or singles what their feelings are about this when I first talk to them. This doesn't mean we will play or will want to play again and again. But, I am not interested in playing with someone who is only looking for a one time deal.

 

Good luck!

[Lyczewski1983 15]

Ok thanks for the replies everyone . We have had him over more than once already 3 times to be exact. We did ask him his status before he even cams over and he said he was single. My wife and I only honestly want one couple and one single guy for a routine fun and casual sex basis. So he is supposed to be over tomorrow night again to play and I'm going to ask him some questions and try to get him to open up a little more. My wife loves cock, not his cock but cock in general lol. She is just starting to feel comfortable with him and that's good. I'll post after tomorrow night and let you all know how it went. We have our second couple outside of our friends joining us Sunday too and we are looking forward to that as well. So far swinging as been great we have been able to communicate effectively with each other throughout it all.

[Alura 2,777]

The next time y'all meet with him, your wife should feel the skin of his palm where his ring-finger meets his hand. It there's a callous there, he's probably married.

 

Of course, that not proof-positive, but I'd suggest caution is he has one.

[bbarnsworth 2,663]

The next time y'all meet with him, your wife should feel the skin of his palm where his ring-finger meets his hand. It there's a callous there, he's probably married.

 

Of course, that not proof-positive, but I'd suggest caution is he has one.

 

Hmm. I almost never take my ring off, and there's no callous there.

 

Never heard of this phenomena before. Interesting!

[Alura 2,777]

Shucks! No matter what someone tells me, there is always somebody else who tells me it's not true.

 

I'll take your word for it. I don't wear rings.

[JustAskJulie 2,596]

Always trust your gut.

 

How'd it go when you had him back? Are you still feeling iffy? If so, I'd take a pass on him and find someone else.

[LFM2 1,483]

I'm pretty much with everyone else. If there are any red flags, I bail. Even if they're pink. Single males are plentiful and I mean this in a good way. Good ones are out there. I definitely wouldn't be playing with one that gives mixed signals.

[magnum 78]

We posted an ad on craigslist( yes I know ) and met a single male.

 

I would say not to use craigslist and stay with a real LS site. Coupleerotic22is correct, in that there are plenty of "dicks" in the LS if that is what your wife wants. Good luck. Have fun. Keep us posted.

[WesternSwing 514]

My advice is to move-on. Your Spidey-sense is tingling for a good reason, whatever that reason is. Trust it and sever ties with him, chalking-it up to you had a good time while it lasted. There is plenty more dick out there, and from men willing to act like men and not like little boys.

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

If you know the guy's full name, it's easy to search public records and find out if he's married.

[MN Tom 251]

Yeah, we tend to trust the gut.

 

The thing is, his situation might not have any actual effect on playing with you (like living with his parents or something). And it may be embarrassing or whatever for him to say it (parents, whatever). Or he may be a cheater (usually not kosher with anyone).

 

In any case, when your gut tells you something is off, it's usually right. And if the person isn't willing to come clean or satisfy your gut, you can choose to cut them loose or just toss your gut feeling.

 

Usually if someone is dodgy when it comes to scheduling (changes schedules at last minute often, or talks like they have free time but has these really odd tiny slots only every third afternoon...) they usually have a reason for being dodgy, that being someone else in their life that they don't want to mention.

[Lyczewski1983 15]

Well to give you all an update the wife and I just decided to be honest with him and talk to him about our concerns and it went okay. We had him over again a week or so ago and we had a good time but after that he has texted her a few times to come over while I'm at work and my wife has said no because I'm really just not that comfortable with having a single man in my house while I'm at work and he just stopped texting her. My feeling is that he more than likely didn't like that response which is perfectly fine with us

 

I do have to say playing with singles can be really stressful and I'm not quite sure it's our cup of tea. We have gotten to know a couple here recently and it has been quite the experience and we enjoy them a lot. The mrs even has began playing with the female half and loves it much to my surprise and excitement

 

Thanks for all of your responses to this topic. We are enjoying this lifestyle change a lot and have grown a lot closer in the last 2 months and hope to continue to do so.