Asking our single female friend to play

[kjfuncpl 15]

My wife and I have been swinging for about five years. We have been experimenting new things which is great for both of us. I met a girl a about three years ago. Long and short of it we have all become close friends. Wife and I want to see if she will play. I have purchased her Victoria Secrets items, some very sexy. She loves it although have not seen her in anything yet. I took her on a very nice date for her birthday. It ended with a nice kiss good night.

 

How far do we see if this will go? We don't want to come right out and tell her we swing, yet we want to give her signs that we want to pleasure her. Obviously we would not be pursng if we didn't feel there was a chance. Any ideas. Thanks in advance.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

As others will tell you only pursue this if you are willing to lose her as a friend. Many people including us have swung vanillas to the dark side. But we have only done this with those who either we are not afraid of losing as friends or know them well enough that the danger of losing them is almost non-existent.

 

If you have "dated" her ask her to join you and your wife for a nice dinner and let your wife swing the conversation to sex. Once you know where she stands on basic sex then you have a much better idea where she would stand on joining the two of you for some fun. I think the fact that you have bought her sexy things and she has accepted them might be a good sign that she is willing at least to consider "playing" with you.

 

K

[PB&J 1,086]

My only concern would be that you have given her the lingerie, and you took her out on the date- for the average vanilla woman, she would be much more likely to think that you are looking for some fun on the side- and probably most vanilla women would be more comfortable with a cheatin' boyfriend than a swingin' boyfriend and girlfriend. But you know her, we don't... if you think she would be agreeable, go for it.

[couplers 4,614]

My only concern would be that you have given her the lingerie, and you took her out on the date- for the average vanilla woman, she would be much more likely to think that you are looking for some fun on the side...

 

 

 

Agreed. It should be your wife or the two of you together buying her things and dating her. Neither of you should make a move or proposition her. Your wife should be a good listener, receptive, let her open up and talk. Then if your friend ever gives the hint to your wife that she is interested in something sexual, your wife can respond by saying that she is flattered, that you always thought your friend was attractive and that whatever your friend is interested in could be arranged.

 

 

 

But having been there, keep in mind that 90 percent of these situations won't end up in a sexual relationship. Hubby and I had fun with every one of the girls we dated, and so did the girls. No one was ever insulted, hurt or shocked because we never forced the issued or even made an overture. Hubby and I just created the opportunity, let her make the move if she wanted and fantasized about them all.

[kjfuncpl 15]

Thank you all for your great responses. They are very valuable and will give us a lot to think about. We do like the idea of creating the situation for her to make the first move. Thanks again and we certainly welcum any additional comments...

 

Just a clarify... Yes I have bought her the items, however I made it known to her I bought my wife the same things, as I did...

[sexcupid 809]

Just a clarify... Yes I have bought her the items, however I made it known to her I bought my wife the same things, as I did...

 

To me as a woman...if a man said this to me, I would still be suspicious (like the wife isn't aware of what is happening) and think...well of course you would in case she checks the bank statement to warrant a debit at VS.

 

I believe the point is, with YOU doing these things where your wife is not explicitly involved. Like instead of you saying "I picked these out for you and got Mrs kjfuncpl the same thing" the situation being "Mrs. kjfuncpl and I were at VS earlier and she thought you might like this" or the Mrs. actually handing the woman the gift, being there for the birthday dinner, etc, the other woman may not realize just how cool your wife is with all of those things going on and may be under the impression that you are wooing her and your wife may or may not know about it. Taking note of my previous somewhat cynical statement, were I a woman in this situation (I assume in a non-swinging context) I would probably think your wife had no clue that you were buying me sexy little underthings and kissing on me. Just saying that most people's point of reference where these things are happening is in the context of an affair where these types of details are definitely not topics of discussion for the spouses.

 

Having the ladies talk and letting the SF state her curiosities/desires would definitely be ideal because it leaves the ball in her court when Mrs. kjfuncpl says "I could totally arrange that for you, I'm sure he would be interested..."

 

Anyway...just my random thoughts

[couplers 4,614]

... the Mrs. actually handing the woman the gift, being there for the birthday dinner, etc, the other woman may not realize just how cool your wife is with all of those things going on and may be under the impression that you are wooing her and your wife may or may not know about it... were I a woman in this situation (I assume in a non-swinging context) I would probably think your wife had no clue that you were buying me sexy little underthings and kissing on me.

 

Having the ladies talk and letting the SF state her curiosities/desires would definitely be ideal because it leaves the ball in her court when Mrs. kjfuncpl says "I could totally arrange that for you, I'm sure he would be interested..."

 

 

Very well put. This was precisely our practice. But instead of saying "I'm sure he would be interested..." however, I would say that hubby has already told me, "he finds you attractive and I'd be flattered if you played with him" so there is no doubt that either hubby or I are open to playing.

 

 

And may I add that this "dating" process provides the two of you or your wife alone the opportunity to eliminate the people that aren't suitable for sexual playing. Despite how eager one or both of you may be to make it happen, with some people it is just not worth it. Two examples come straight to mind of very attractive girls where it was likely hubby could have played but we passed and are glad we did. The first girl drank too much. Even if she were to be sober when she made the decision to do anything sexual, it was a sign to us that she didn't have herself under control.

 

 

The second girl was too clingy; not just on hubby but both of us. She later ended up getting pregnant with her off-and-on boyfriend who left six months after the girl was born. She tried to baby-trap him and was unprepared for what she faced emotionally and financially. Keep in mind there was never any sex betwen us, but we liked her and tried to help her stay on track, giving her hundreds of dollars on a regular basis to help her out even before the baby arrived. We also bought her a number of big ticket, practical things for the baby after she was born. The woman ended up both asking us for a huge loan and hitting on David after her bf moved out. (To her credit it wasn't something she was trying to do behind my back. As she explained to me, she needs sex, lost her bf/baby's daddy, and doesn't have time to date.) We have backed off from her, but still take her out sometimes, buy the baby a few things and helped her chase down child support.

 

 

Sorry, sometimes my minds just runs on and my typing fingers follow.

[kjfuncpl 15]

I want to clarify as there are certainly assumptions made and by the situation and wording we understand why... The gifts given to our SF friend was done with the Mrs. and I both present. yes I handed her the VS boxes the Mrs was right there.

 

Looking back we love the idea of the Mrs. handing the gifts off and making the statements of me thinkg she would like it.

 

One last thing, SF and Mrs had a conversation and text conversation before the birthday date. We are being as transparent as possible so the SF does not think I am trying to go behind the Mrs. back with anything.

 

Hope this brings a little more clarity to the post.

 

Thanks again for all your wonderful feedback.

[kjfuncpl 15]

UPDATE ! This weekend we had some drinks and played strip Wii bowling. We all had a blast. With the exception of it being a little chilly in our family room, it went very well. Some nice touching and little neck kisses with all 3 of us. Yes minimal alcohol was involved... Will keep you posted...

[MacNfries 123]

kjfuncpl, super ... you've made great progress. I liked your voluntary comment that there was "minimal alcohol" involved. No need to make excuses, a couple drinks usually help in lowering the defenses a bit. I use to be a bartender, and I can make a few very delicious but effective ladies drinks ... hey, it works!

 

I really think a nice Saturday afternoon cookout would be in order. It could be time to come clean with your interest in more intimacy with her. You could casually bring it up that the two of you find her "sexually attractive" and watch for her response? Maybe pick out another Victorias outfit for both her and your wife, then beg both to "try 'em on" for you. Possibly you have a jacuzzi ... those are fun to go "skinny dipping" in to begin casual, adult conversations.

 

You've more than answered the questions about her interest in you, but I guess my question is more about what you think her sexual interest might be in your wife? Do you have any clue as to what her sexual preferences are? As most people seem to be hetrosexual in nature, would your wife allow the 2 of you to play IF it was determined that this lady friend wasn't bisexual?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Sounds like it's going well.

[kjfuncpl 15]

MacNfries.....

Thanks for the advice... As far as interest in the wife, not quite certain. There have been many signs, I can only assume. If she is interested in me only, the wife has no issues with us having one on one encounters. Before I read the post, I purchased the ladies some nice tops to wear out for my birthday next week.

 

Hopefully I will have an update with some additional information...