Questions from Ohio part two (mind games and jealousy)

[Valha 18]

Mr. & Mrs. V here. We are totally new at any of this and like we said in our first post in the Introductions area, we have lots of questions and have been reading the forums some. Some initial fears we have are:

 

Mind games: Mrs. V. brought up concerns that if, after an encounter involving us and a third (or fourth) person, that one of us (Mr. or Mrs. V) would think about that person during future private love making sessions. Even more so, that possibly one of us would be thinking that the other is fantasizing about the person(s) we've encountered. It's kind of a jealousy issue, which we have experienced in the past when we weren't as open and honest with each other as we are now. Any thoughts?

 

There are some other issues we've talked about, like religious impact, STD's, children, etc... but we'll reserve questions on these topics after we do more research and reading in the forums.

 

So after 20 years of marriage we enjoy a fantastic relationship. We are truly best friends and have shared EVERYTHING with each other- our past, our deepest darkest secrets, and our feelings and desires. As far as sex goes, well, we both agree it's mind blowing and has never been better. We also both put thoughtful effort into pleasing each other even more.

 

We also want to mention something we're doing in the next week. Mr. V has a free hotel night coming from business travel and we're going to use it at a local hotel that has a lounge which is a hot spot for meeting, dancing, live music, pick up joint, etc... What we are planning to do is not talk to each other during the day while at work then go to the hotel separately and pretend not to know each other for the first hour or two we're there and allow ourselves to mingle, flirt, or just friendly talk to other people. Eventually we'll meet each other and pretend we don't know each other and role play a one night stand with each other (something neither of us has ever done before, even before we were married). We think it will be exciting and we will probably learn something about how each other feels watching our mate flirt with others. It will definitely give us topics to discuss with each other related to possible jealousies, desires, confidences and trust in each other. We both think it's going to be a lot of fun! Any more thoughts?

 

Thanks for any input in advance...

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Hmmm, an interesting roll-play scenario. It does sound like a good way to discover your feeling and reactions about flirtations.

 

Would you think about a swing acquaintance while making love to your spouse? Well, all I can say it that happens to me. All kinds of things come into my mind but very soon it snaps back to the matter-at-hand, making love to my wife. No problem.

 

If you two are "made for the lifestyle", as I believe many people are, your mind-blowing sex will become even better. All of the things you mention above my wife and I encountered when first starting into the lifestyle. But experience taught us which issues were important and which issues were not. Will happen the same for you if you truly communicate well.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Mind games: Mrs. V. brought up concerns that if, after an encounter involving us and a third (or fourth) person, that one of us (Mr. or Mrs. V) would think about that person during future private love making sessions. Even more so, that possibly one of us would be thinking that the other is fantasizing about the person(s) we've encountered. It's kind of a jealousy issue, which we have experienced in the past when we weren't as open and honest with each other as we are now. Any thoughts?

 

Aww heck, sometimes when we in bed we're talking out the experiences. Sometimes I call Mrs. a slut when we're screwing, ranting about all the things she did to some other guy, and have her act it all out on me. It's part of the spice that swinging brings to our sex life. Other times we'll make love and there is no mention of anything but each other, how we feel about each other, and how we are making each other feel. Yep, sometimes we just have a nasty fuck, and other times we're making slow passionate love.

 

We've said for years, long before we were swinging, that it doesn't matter where you get your appetite, just as long as you eat at home. So, okay sure... sometimes we dine out, but there is no substitute for home cooking. And if we're out and I have a dish I enjoy, she'll give me some of the same at home.

 

We're not falling in love with our playmates. We don't want to. Take stock in your relationship, all you've shared, all you've accomplished and all you've overcome together. That is your foundation. That is enabling you to swing and enjoy it. Don't get so consumed with jealousy that you forget that your spouse values those things too.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We think about other people in bed. Swinging didn't start that! The cool thing is now it's really happened and we talk about it freely. One of the best things is that we know we're attracted to other people, but we are in love and committed to each other. It's very freeing.

 

If you swing I would think you will definitely think about other people during sex and at random times during the day. It's really not a problem at all for us. I think one of the most basic aspects of sexuality that a couple needs to reconcile is that desiring other people is natural and is not cheating. Even if you never swing, recognizing this is helpful.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

I think one of the most basic aspects of sexuality that a couple needs to reconcile is that desiring other people is natural and is not cheating. Even if you never swing, recognizing this is helpful.

 

100% agreed.

 

There's this idea among some people (not saying any here) that once you're married, you're supposed to switch off any thoughts of any other person in any sexual way. Clue stick; putting a ring on your finger doesn't change your biology. It is guaranteed that at different times in your married life you are going to find other people attractive, unless you live in a shack in the deep woods.

 

It's what you do about those thoughts that is the measure of fidelity.

 

If a person constantly thinks about someone else while in bed with their spouse, there's a problem. If the occasional thought drifts through your mind, what's to worry? Also, helping your spouse actively fantasize about someone else can be fun. It's not a crime, and it doesn't mean your spouse loves you any less. In fact, really the opposite; you're both comfortable enough with each other to further each other's fantasies. That's a good thing!

[Dont.Stop 339]

We think about other people in bed. Swinging didn't start that! The cool thing is now it's really happened and we talk about it freely. One of the best things is that we know we're attracted to other people, but we are in love and committed to each other. It's very freeing.

 

+1.

 

Our code word is "Yup." We may have a conversation with someone and when they walk away one of us may say "Yup." meaning "I'd hit that." There are a couple of women that I am particularly attracted to and when I'm in their company and Mrs. is not, Mrs. will send me text messages asking what they're wearing, is it getting hot in the room, etc.

 

Then there is the "the question": Is the squeeze worth the juice? Usually applied to someone we know, work with, etc. If given the chance, would you have NSA sex with them? Well, for some of them, there would be no real NSA-- they'd be clingy. Or they are known for not keeping secrets. Or emotionally unstable. Or they are your boss. Or you supervise them. Maybe they're too young (under 30 brings a different set of risks). Or they are too close to another family member. So "Yup" might be followed with "Worth it?" And usually answered with "No" or "Maybe".

 

It's fun, it keeps the sexual tension simmering and is definitely a by-product of swinging. We've long acknowledged our attraction to others, but we're quite blunt about it these days.

 

That's not cheating, that's just indicative of a healthy sex drive.

[Valha 18]

Greetings from Mrs. V.,

 

I thought I would share our little experiment with pretending to meet for the first time and having a one night stand. We did well with not calling/texting each other all day. He left a room key for me at the hotel front desk so I chilled out in the room practicing walking in my very high heels with just my shirt on, no bra and thongs. That heightened the mood I was already in to get laid.

 

Finally, I put my dress on and went down to the bar. I felt very self conscious with only a short dress and thong on but I did it. I saw my husband instantly and chose a seat on the other side of the bar and at the opposite end. I was by the door so I could see anyone as they would come in. I ordered a virgin daiquiri and looked around. There weren't too many people in there. It was 8:30 on a Thursday night so I wasn't too surprised. The band started playing at 9:d30 and a few people were dancing. A man did come up to talk to me and we talked for a little bit. He was nice but not my type, although I did enjoy talking to him. He did ask if I wanted to dance but I needed to go to the ladies room first. When I came back he was talking to my husband and some friends and never came back. My husband then came over and introduced himself and asked if the seat beside me was taken. We then proceeded to chat in which he complimented me over and over. He was charming, witty, and a touch horny!! LOL. He really was the most handsome man there. He said that he and the other man I was talking to saw me come in and the other guy went to the bathroom to check me out and said I had killer legs. I had never been told that before. My legs are short and muscular and a sore point with me. He also told my husband that he was scared of me. I guess scared I'd be mean and nasty to him. I have heard this description before of me in my younger days. I am totally baffled by it and can't do anything to change it. I am who I am!!!

 

Anyway, I was with my hubby now (still in character) and he eventually asked me to slow dance with him and we did. Then we talked some more and he got more bold with the things he said. He asked me if I'd like to come back to his room and I told him it was looking good. We slow danced a second time in which I caressed his neck and side of his face. He then stole a soft sweet kiss. After that dance we went to the room. Once in the elevator I boldly went up to him and we started kissing wildly!!! When we got to our floor I was weak in the knees. Once we got to the room we resumed the elevator scene. I then turned around and told him to unzip my dress and we had bold, wild, passionate sex! He actually came once and proceeded to continue until he came again! He has done that before but not very often. I had brought along 2 vibrators in case he wanted to role play that other men were pumping me too. We did use one that I was having oral sex with while he was fucking me and he really liked that a lot!!!

 

I still don't think I could be a swinger but I like how his fantasies make him feel (and perform). I think it would be exciting having others watch us together so I guess I could be a soft swinger. I think I would like being an exhibitionist but I have to get over my own reservations of being a slut or tease.

[Valha 18]

Mr. V here...

 

I'll provide my take of the evening. I was really hoping for a lot more people to be at the lounge and thankfully it did get busier as the band started to play about 9:30. I got to the bar about 7:00 and besides the barmaid and waitresses, there were no other women in the place and there were about 12-15 men. I had some great conversation with three guys who were at a conference together, two of whom were married and away from home, and one guy who was not married and a few years older than I (45ish). I'll call this guy Anthony. The other two guys were complete goofballs and hard to deal with, outside of some good jokes we shared to pass the time, but Anthony was much more intellectual and nice to talk to. Time went by faster once I talked with them and the barmaids.

 

Mrs. V. came in about 8:00 and sat far away on the opposite side of the bar. At one point Anthony went to the restroom where he had to pass Mrs V. and as he walked by I noticed him really checking her out. He also did so as he returned. By this time, there were several more women dressed pretty sexy sitting in the chairs near the dance floor and stage. Anthony was really interested in this lady in the chairs who had big boobs and looked just like Pat Benetar.

 

Anthony asked me which one I liked, and I said I have been checking out the hot blonde on the other side of the bar (Mrs V.). Anthony said that girl has some killer legs. I asked "how is the rest of her?" He replied "pretty good, but I like them legs!" Mrs V. was dressed to kill, showing lots of shoulder, back, cleavage, and LOTS of leg! Anthony then said "she scares me, though". I asked him to elaborate and he said he didn't think he could ever approach a girl like that for fear of rejection. I told him well I like her and he again said that he liked the Pat Benetar looking girl. I then turned around, took a swig of my water and next thing I knew Anthony was over talking to Mrs. V! I was surprised, after the conversation we just had! Then I thought he must have just mustered up some good old fashioned courage and went for it! My next thought was that maybe I should be a little pissed not because it's my wife (in character of course not my wife) but because he just said he liked this other girl and I had said that I liked the hot blonde. I've been out of this pickup scene for twenty plus years so I'm dated but I thought he was breaking some sort of guy rule! Not a biggie, cause I guess it's all fair game. In a way it was comforting to know that I could then go interrupt them anytime that I wanted to if I was uncomfortable without feeling guilty.

 

Anyways, Mrs V. and Anthony had quite a chat session, as it went on for about 20 min to a half hour. I tried not to be very obvious in staring or anything, I just looked over casually every few minutes or so to make sure she was ok. She seemed to like talking and was smiling and exchanging some pics from phones. I have to admit, I got a little feeling of jealousy from time to time but I just know that she is my girl and actually it was somewhat of a turn on knowing this guy was attracted to her and I felt kind of proud and complimented that she is my girl! Also, I think it was because I was alone there with no one but a couple of goofballs, who were now getting too drunk to even have a mildly adult conversation with. One started in about a monkey who liked to drink his own pee and I immediately got up and politely excused myself. I stood, watched the band for a while and decided to go over and start a conversation with the Pat Benetar girl and her friend. They invited me to sit with them and I did and we got to know each other. We talked and they asked me if I wanted to dance. I was about to but I looked over and saw that Mrs V. was not in her seat and Anthony was back with his goofball buddies, so I told the girls I'd probably dance with them later and walked over to talk to Anthony and ask him how it went. The whole time I was hoping Mrs. V didn't think I SENT Anthony over to talk to her because I did not, it just happened this way. Anyways, Anthony said he asked her to dance and she wanted to go to the restoom instead. He sounded like he crashed and burned so I said hey the Pat Benetar girl is cool and I was going to go over and try with the ZZ Top legs girl (Mrs. V). It wasn't until later that I learned that Mrs V. would have maybe danced with him, but she really did have to go to the restroom first. I have to admit I would have liked to see them dance together although I'm sure I would have been a little bit jealous but more so the night was getting later and I wanted to have an evening with my girl

 

Mrs V. described our sexcapade pretty well so you know what happened there. I'll add in that while she was deepthroating that cock dildo as I was fucking her, I had a little fantasy that the cock was someone she (we) had picked up at the bar. She looked so damned sexy sucking on that thing. I came all over her stomach and her face and then in pretty short order, I fucked her some more then I REALLY came all over her face with her mouth wide open welcomingly accepting it! MAN THAT WAS HOT!!!

 

Afterwards we laid on the bed together and it was unspoken but I pretty much thought we were both ready to get out of the one night stand characters so I broke that ice by asking "Sooo, what was your name again?" We both had a nice chuckle.

 

The emotions I had were bouncing back and forth between if this was a one night stand, I would feel awkward now and how to deal with that, but I really didn't have to deal with it so that went away, and then what would it be like if this were a threesome and now what? Too much to have to think about so I just stopped thinking and just relaxed and enjoyed my wife.

 

I agree with Mrs V. I'm not sure if I could ever be a swinger but I'm still so intrigued by the idea that I want to continue to talk with her about it and take little baby steps. I've been very adamant to her that I would never want her to feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to. I've also made it clear not to EVER do anything for the sole reason that she thinks I would enjoy it, it has to be because she would want to enjoy it too. I know she has a wild exhibitionist streak in her dying to get out. I would like to pursue that and make her comfortable about feeling that way. I love her SO much!

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Awesome stories

 

Jealousy can be a concern. Dealing with those feelings head on can be a bit intimidating. But (to Mr. V) knowing she's with you and going home with you can make a huge difference.

 

To Mrs. V; you express concern over being a slut or tease. Define 'slut' and what it means to you? A self realized woman who is happily and comfortably sexual and confident in expressing her desires isn't a slut in my book. As to being a tease? You are in charge of your own body. No man should ever...ever...believe he is entitled to play with a lady. If you feel things are headed in a direction that you don't want to go, or if you feel like a given man who is hitting on you is expecting to much, you can terminate the conversation politely.

 

I am not surprised that another man found your legs to be a great feature of yours. I've found that most women (forgive the stereotype) in western society are very overly critical of their personal appearance. Honestly, it's not for you to decide whether you are attractive or not. That's up to other people you might be interested in playing with. What is up to you is to decide how to present yourself. That's all you can control.

 

Also to both of you; the goal isn't to be a swinger (at least not from my chair) but to enjoy the ride together, wherever it takes you. Nobody can tell where that will take you. I do see signs in your stories that swinging could be a fantastic experience for you. But, only the two of you can see where that road ultimately goes.

 

You might try a more crowded nightclub, or the same club on a different evening when you know it will be hopping more.

 

Thanks for sharing the stories! Keep doing so

[whatwewant 38]

Great stories. We come from a similar background, I suppose. I think that defining yourself as a "swinger", as opposed to just occasionally having some adult fun, is where we got hung up. Neither one of us view ourselves as swingers in the classic sense, but we enjoy the occasional sexual adventure, so taking the pressure off of the decision to make some kind of broad lifestyle choice, we view it as occasional sexual adventures.

 

Jealousy always plays a role, it's all in how you handle it, and for us it can be a very stimulating feeling, if you know what I mean...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Valha said:

Mind games: Mrs. V. brought up concerns that if, after an encounter involving us and a third (or fourth) person, that one of us (Mr. or Mrs. V) would think about that person during future private love making sessions. Even more so, that possibly one of us would be thinking that the other is fantasizing about the person(s) we've encountered. It's kind of a jealousy issue, which we have experienced in the past when we weren't as open and honest with each other as we are now. Any thoughts?

 

It could happen, either way. The key is that if it does that you are honest about it and talk about it. Communicate. Heck, if you find yourself thinking of someone else during private time then tell your partner. "I'm thinking about so and so and what she (he) did to me the other night. Wasn't that hot?". I'm betting it just makes things hotter.

[Valha 18]

Awesome stories

 

To Mrs. V; you express concern over being a slut or tease. Define 'slut' and what it means to you? A self realized woman who is happily and comfortably sexual and confident in expressing her desires isn't a slut in my book. As to being a tease? You are in charge of your own body.

 

Mrs. V here. As for me defining "slut", to me it is someone who has sex with anyone regardless of having any feelings for them. Getting laid just to get laid. In my single years I was sexually active but not overly so (6-8 partners in 5 years before I met my hubby) I had to like the guy a lot for who they were not just looks or physical attributes and no sex for at least after 3 or 4 dates. I didn't need or delude myself that I was in love with them or that they were with me. I only had to like them as a person, I also had to have monogamy on both sides if we were having sex, and they had to respect me as a person. So to me having sex with a stranger is a concept way out there that I can hardly wrap my brain around. For me sex is emotional more than physical. I also have a natural tendency to dress provocatively and dance provocatively. It's not a conscience effort just what I gravitate towards. I know this therefore I have always taken great pains that while I may look the part of a “good time girl” that I really am not. I make sure my mannerisms and conversation is that of a lady with a brain. Even though I am in my mid 40's I am still not matronly in my dress.

 

I am not surprised that another man found your legs to be a great feature of yours. I've found that most women (forgive the stereotype) in western society are very overly critical of their personal appearance. Honestly, it's not for you to decide whether you are attractive or not. That's up to other people you might be interested in playing with. What is up to you is to decide how to present yourself. That's all you can control

 

As for my comment about my legs, I have never had that part of my body mentioned as turning anyone on so that surprised me. My legs are short, stocky, and muscled. I know that everyone has things that they like and everyone's different. I remember asking a personal trainer what I could do to make them smaller but they had no advice.

 

Also to both of you; the goal isn't to be a swinger (at least not from my chair) but to enjoy the ride together, wherever it takes you. Nobody can tell where that will take you. I do see signs in your stories that swinging could be a fantastic experience for you. But, only the two of you can see where that road ultimately goes.

 

Hubby and I have talked about visiting a swingers club and in the common/mingle room, me possibly dancing and putting on a strip show (something I've always been intrigued with) as this might be exciting for us. It takes a lot of self confidence and courage so who knows if I could actually do it. I encourage Mr. V to fantasize and if he tells them to me, we sometimes act them out as best we can because as for me, that is all I am comfortable with right now.

 

You might try a more crowded nightclub, or the same club on a different evening when you know it will be hopping more.

 

We plan on trying another night club or a different night to see what those results are. We’re just not sure when yet. It has definitely spiced up our 20+ years of being together!

 

Thanks for sharing the stories! Keep doing so :

 

So if u aren't bored with our novice games we will keep telling our stories!!

[Valha 18]

Great stories. We come from a similar background, I suppose. I think that defining yourself as a "swinger", as opposed to just occasionally having some adult fun, is where we got hung up. Neither one of us view ourselves as swingers in the classic sense, but we enjoy the occasional sexual adventure, so taking the pressure off of the decision to make some kind of broad lifestyle choice, we view it as occasional sexual adventures.

 

Jealousy always plays a role, it's all in how you handle it, and for us it can be a very stimulating feeling, if you know what I mean...

 

Mr. V here. I can see times where I would not want to be labeled anything also. I want to be known as Mrs. V's guy, and that's a label I hope to have when I leave God's green earth. We've talked about our possible play in whatever form: soft swing, (possibly more, who knows?) as something for us to be an occasional thing also. Like on a vacation type thing, but we're just going very slow, talking it out, and keeping our minds open to the possibilities while making every effort to respect each other's feelings and comfort level.

 

It's comforting to know that you see some jealousy as common, and also as playing a role in the pleasure when handled properly. Is the jealousy you've personally experienced dealt with by good communication like I hear so much about? Also, I'm curious to know how exactly, has this enhanced your stimulation?

[Valha 18]

Mrs. V here. As for me defining "slut", to me it is someone who has sex with anyone regardless of having any feelings for them. Getting laid just to get laid. In my single years I was sexually active but not overly so (6-8 partners in 5 years before I met my hubby) I had to like the guy a lot for who they were not just looks or physical attributes and no sex for at least after 3 or 4 dates. I didn't need or delude myself that I was in love with them or that they were with me. I only had to like them as a person, I also had to have monogamy on both sides if we were having sex, and they had to respect me as a person. So to me having sex with a stranger is a concept way out there that I can hardly wrap my brain around. For me sex is emotional more than physical.

 

Mr. V. here. This is one of the things we've talked about as far as a possible hangup to us doing any full swap / hard core swinging. If I had my way, I'd be comfortable with meeting someone say for a MMF threesome that we both liked & found attractive then had a little get to know period (say an hour or so at an on premise club) expressed our likes & dislikes, any rules, etc... then went to business. In a sense, no strings attached emotionally. But either men & women are just built differently (or my woman is), and she has expressed that she would have great difficulty in doing this.

We would greatly appreciate any advice from women here that have felt like Mrs. V does (or has) and how did you deal with it?

 

We may be jumping the gun on this one, we really want to proceed slowly and just have fun together and stay in each other's complete comfort level.

 

Thanks to all who have responded so far it has been a great help for us and thanks in advance to any ladies who could offer some insight on this question.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Mrs. V here. As for me defining "slut", to me it is someone who has sex with anyone regardless of having any feelings for them. Getting laid just to get laid.

 

Ok, that's certainly a valid view. If you would, allow me the opportunity of offering some other views (not countering views, but different views).

 

1: (presuming, for the moment, you have done something potentially 'slutty') Who gets to decide who is a slut? What I mean by this is if you have any concern whether someone else thinks you are a slut, aren't you vesting a significant part of your self worth in the opinions of others? If those people are those whom you do not know, does it matter to you what they think? If you are deciding for yourself that you are a slut, on what basis are you doing that? Upbringing? Religious views? Social morays? From whence does the sense of self defining as a slut come? I realize this is a challenging question, and might not have an answer. But, I think it's important to understand how you would be coming to a conclusion that you are a slut, if you did something you think worthy of calling yourself a slut for.

 

2: Just a thought; was what you (with your husband's help) did in the nightclub slutty/tease? Some would call a woman dressed in a provocative way and sitting by herself in a nightclub of an evening, a slut. If I were on a business trip and I happened to be at that hotel and came to the nightclub and saw two women, one dressed professionally and the other provocatively, I would think the professionally dressed woman as another traveler. The provocatively dressed woman I would think at a minimum is a woman looking for a good time, and willing to do so with someone who happens to be briefly in town. I'm not evaluating either woman as right/wrong. Just offering a view. So where do you draw the line as to what is slutty and what would make you a slut?

 

3: You've expressed a possible interest in putting on a strip show in a common room at a swingers club (*). You indicate you are intrigued by this. Is this slutty? Some would say your very attendance at a swingers club is slutty. Certainly some others would find doing a strip show in front of strangers to be slutty. Again, where do you draw the line as to what is slutty and what is not? I don't mean to be cavalier here, and certainly please don't construe anything I'm saying as an attack. I'm simply wanting to ask questions that might foster some interesting discussion with yourself and with your husband.

 

* - The first time my wife and I ever went to a swingers club, I witnessed a moderately attractive woman doing a strip show on the club's strip pole. I've been to strip clubs before. I've seen this before. But, it was always about money. This was beautiful because it had nothing to do with money at all, and the simple sheer enjoyment this woman was having with herself and for others. It wasn't the sexiest dance I ever saw. She wasn't the prettiest woman I ever saw do this. But, her strip dance was by far the most beautiful I'd ever seen.

 

4: The definition you have of connecting emotions with sex as being non-slutty works perfectly well. Let me offer an alternative definition of slutty; indiscriminate.

 

By your definition, most women in the lifestyle are, at least from time to time, sluts. I'm not sure what that makes their husbands, but certainly nothing savory!

 

I've been in the lifestyle now for coming up on three years. We don't play all that often, but we have a number of experiences. In that time, I can't say I've ever met a woman I'd call a slut in the lifestyle.

 

In that time, my wife has had sex with half a dozen different men. She has not loved any of them. She's been attracted to all of them. I've never once thought of her as a slut, and have difficulty even wrapping my head around that concept in respect to her.

 

She is a lady, through and through. She is empowered in her sexuality. She is comfortable expressing attraction for men other than me, and with my support she is comfortable in acting out those attractions. She has never once been indiscriminate. We spend some time getting to know prospective play partners, and we don't play just to play. We play because there's mutual attraction, interest and desire. She's liked all of the men she's played with. She's rejected, in one form or another, more men than she's accepted as play partners.

 

5: And another definition; self empowerment and self worth. The lack of it generates slutty behavior. The presence of it is self actualizing.

 

There are some people in the lifestyle who are comfortable with jumping into a pile of naked bodies, and are quite happy to have sex with whomever is in the pile. In these piles, it's possible to be having sex with someone whose face you haven't seen. Now, I've never done this but there are people who enjoy it. It's not for my wife and I. I would venture to guess that people who are comfortable with this form a small subset of the lifestyle community.

 

Are they sluts? Probably not to themselves. Observe...

 

~20 years ago, I read a very erotic story of a woman who was at party where there were no restrictions on sexual behavior. The woman was dressed very nicely, but not necessarily provocatively. There came a moment where she was standing at the bar sipping her drink and a man came up behind her. She didn't turn around as he began caressing her neck and slowly massaging her body through her dress. She was thoroughly enjoying the attention, and making it clear her receptiveness to his touch. After some time, and increasingly erotic touching and massaging, and less clothes in the way, he entered her from behind, and had sex with her for quite a while. She experienced several orgasms. After they were both spent he arranged her clothes back in order, gave her some more tender kisses and touches, said 'thank you' and walked away. She never saw his face, and had a grin on her face she could not remove.

 

Is she a slut? Certainly by some definitions. But, not by her own. She is a self actualized woman, confident in her sexuality and happy to express it. She revels in the attention and intense feelings of sex. Perhaps for her being a slut would be allowing yourself to be used by anyone, anytime, really for any reason. Just spread your legs and take all comers, whether you're really enjoying it or not. I can't offer insight as to whether her self definition of slut is accurate, but I'm quite sure that any woman who is like this has a definition of slut that is not the same as what she is doing. My point being of course; she doesn't think she's a slut.

 

6: If I might suggest, in the end I think what matters is what your husband thinks of you and what you think of yourself. If the idea of playing with someone else makes your skin crawl, it's not for you. If you're going to end up feeling dirty, used, slutty, etc. It's not for you. If your husband is going to think less of you for having sex with someone other than him, even with his approval, it's not for you.

 

I think if the two of you discuss in great depth the sense of self worth, as well as worth in the eyes of each other, it will be an interesting discussion regardless of the outcome.

 

So if u aren't bored with our novice games we will keep telling our stories!!

 

Bored? HECK NO!

 

Also consider; there are people here who are very experienced. There are others who have no experience and are looking for answers. Your posting your stories and comments is very much welcome, and I'm sure those who have no experience are getting a lot out of your posts too. So keep writing

[whatwewant 38]

Mr. V here. I can see times where I would not want to be labeled anything also. I want to be known as Mrs. V's guy, and that's a label I hope to have when I leave God's green earth. We've talked about our possible play in whatever form: soft swing, (possibly more, who knows?) as something for us to be an occasional thing also. Like on a vacation type thing, but we're just going very slow, talking it out, and keeping our minds open to the possibilities while making every effort to respect each other's feelings and comfort level.

 

It's comforting to know that you see some jealousy as common, and also as playing a role in the pleasure when handled properly. Is the jealousy you've personally experienced dealt with by good communication like I hear so much about? Also, I'm curious to know how exactly, has this enhanced your stimulation?

 

Yes, it is communicated at some level, but we try to be very open about it. If she is with someone and I get a twinge of jealousy it might make me try and out do him/her and see it as a competition. That doesn't alway happen, but it has. Some people find small amounts of jealousy sexually arousing, we do at times.

 

There are many we know that could sit and eat a tuna sandwich while a raging gang bang is going on right next to them. We really try and avoid over exposure and attempt to keep it fresh and new so that excitement doesn't go away. A little jealousy is healthy, however it can be a slippery slope and takes really open communication to deal with it like adults.

[Valha 18]

Ok, that's certainly a valid view. If you would, allow me the opportunity of offering some other views (not countering views, but different views).

 

Mrs. V here. First off, let me say thank you for your thoughtful post, it was a lot to digest but it has given us LOTS to talk about with each other. When I talked about being slutty it was not about how others would perceive me but how I would perceive myself. I feel confident that Mr. V would not think negatively of me if we did decide to involve others in our play, but I would worry about how I would feel about myself. I do want to say though that I hold no judgements against other people in what they do in their sex lives as long as there is mutual consent. I certainly didn't mean to come across as condemning any particular lifestyle.

 

Bored? HECK NO!

Also consider; there are people here who are very experienced. There are others who have no experience and are looking for answers. Your posting your stories and comments is very much welcome, and I'm sure those who have no experience are getting a lot out of your posts too. So keep writing

 

Talking with Mr V. about all this and role playing has definitely set off fireworks! I will encourage Mr. V to tell the story of our last role play when he gets the chance!

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

Great stories.

 

Here a a few of my thoughts.

 

1. I love the role play thing. My wife and I have talked about the same, even before we became swingers. Still have not done it, she would prefer we be out of town for that. So working or having the kids with us has prevented it to date.

 

2. The term slut - my wife hates it, along with a few more terms. I have gently forewarned guys that I have heard us the term with their spouse, or think might use it as part of sex play. No since in killing the mood with a slip of the tongue.

 

But what makes a slut is in the eye of the beholder. Some people think if you even talk about sex with other people you are a slut. Others think tattoos, anklets, or high heels make you a slut. For others it about someone that in not in control of themselves, will doing anything at anytime without any standards, and getting used and passed around because they don't take control. For my wife it is an issue of respect. She is in control of what she is doing when we swing, she has standards and is choosy, she is not being used, just having a good time.

 

3. As for thinking about others while we have sex. Yes, we both do it and we talk about it. Ironically, I usually imagine another guy going her and she usually imagines another woman doing me. It turns us both on. It is not so much about imagining someone in place of our spouse, but adding someone to the party.

 

4. Jealousy, yeah, it happens to some degree with many people. It is all about how you handle it. I once described it as a flash of emotions. Not just one or two emotions but several, all at once, that come as a rush and are fleeting. It is a tinge of jealousy, with a lot of love, excitement, a little disbelief we are actually doing this, turn on, etc. As time has passed the jealousy part has gone away and so has most of the disbelief, it is mostly excitement and turn-on now.

 

5. Have fun with, and it sounds like you are. Just continue to communicate. If you get to the point you want to swing and have communicated well, you should be okay. If you decide not to swing you can still have a load of fun anyway.

[Valha 18]

bbarnsworth said:

If I might suggest, in the end I think what matters is what your husband thinks of you and what you think of yourself. If the idea of playing with someone else makes your skin crawl, it's not for you. If you're going to end up feeling dirty, used, slutty, etc. It's not for you. If your husband is going to think less of you for having sex with someone other than him, even with his approval, it's not for you.

 

Mr. V. here. I completely agree with this. And I've made it clear to Mrs. V. that so long as we progress within both our comfort levels and love & respect each other as we do that I would never think less of her if we ever did swing.

 

I also feel that at some point, our own fears and over-analyzing before the fact is detrimental to our happiness. Let me explain where I'm coming from: If I had never overcome my HUGE fear of shyness 21 years ago, I would have NEVER approached this beautiful girl dressed in very revealing summer clothing and got her phone number! Also, our children wouldn't have been born, and this wonderful ride we've been on would have never happened. There is so much more I hope to experience with Mrs. V. (not just sexual) that I try to not use the words 'never' because I think there are far too many possibilities and variables involved and some things are best experienced as you go. Mrs. V. seems to enjoy dressing hot, being flirty, and has some tendencies to be an exhibitionist. I hope to explore these as we continue to talk about other possibilities.

 

Mrs. V. and I would like to check out a swingers club sometime. We've talked about her possibly doing a sexy dance for me and others to watch and then mingling with other people and checking out the scene. She says she thinks it would be fun to watch other people doing it and maybe exciting to have other people watch us. Soft play, you know, sounds like a lot of fun to me and a good way to break the ice and then see how we feel about that and talk it out.

 

 

Quote

Bored? HECK NO!

 

Also consider; there are people here who are very experienced. There are others who have no experience and are looking for answers. Your posting your stories and comments is very much welcome, and I'm sure those who have no experience are getting a lot out of your posts too. So keep writing

 

OK then! Mrs. V. and I thought it would be fun to share a role playing fantasy that we played out in the privacy of our bedroom one night last week. Speaking of exhibitionism (ah hem), we pretended to be at a swingers club where Mrs. V. started to dance on a brass pole. She was wearing a tank top with no bra and a very short skirt with just some thongs on underneath. (We had previously visited the website of the Red Rooster in Las Vegas and enjoyed looking thru the pictures gallery there, so I think we both had those images in our minds of a pole dance area near a group of tables). So I turned a chair to enjoy the show as well as did some other couples and some single guys.

 

The first song, she danced and smiled and did a slow strip tease for me then moved back to the pole where we told the single guys to keep their distance but they can watch, just no touching. By the end of the 1st song Mrs. V. removed her top and danced topless for most of the second song doing some light brushing up against the 'audience' until midway thru the second song she also removed her skirt and just danced in her thong. She flashed her pussy a little around her thong from time to time.

 

Afterwards, she came back to the table with me and put her top on but left her skirt off and just sat in her thong. One guy came up to us and was pretty forward and we politely let him know we weren't interested. Next we pretended another guy came up and I told her to pretend it was someone whom she found attractive. We pretended that his name was Mark. He was respectful, polite, and intelligent. We told him we weren't interested in anything hardcore but you never know, but he was welcome to hang and chat longer with us. After awhile, we told Mark that what we were now interested in was to invite him to join us in a more private area where we wanted him to watch us play and he could play with himself while watching us if he wanted to. Mark quickly agreed of course!

 

We pretended that one of Mrs. V's cock-shaped dildos was Mark's cock and sat it next to us on the bed as we kissed and started to foreplay. Emotions and hard-on's ran high! We used this new sex pillow we got so her hips were up off the bed (she was laying on her back with her head on her bed pillows). After awhile I told Mrs. V. it was ok with me if she wanted to touch and stroke Mark's cock too, which she did. I was in heaven watching her two-hand stoking both hard cocks! I then told her how hot she looked with Mark's cock in her hand and said it was ok with me if she wanted to suck on it while I ate her pussy, which of course we did. She looked so beautiful grabbing and sucking on that thing. While she was deep-throating Mark's cock I was squeezing her nipples and thrusting my tongue deep inside her pussy. She then had an orgasm and screamed in ecstasy. I then told her I wanted Mark to fuck her while she sucked me off, which of course you guessed it, we did! I grabbed the dildo (Mark) with my right hand and started to fuck her with it as I kneeled up, gently grasping the back of her head with my left hand and guided my throbbing cock into her mouth. She sucked me WONDERFULLY and I turned on the vibrating function of fake Mark and enjoyed the muffled sounds of her moans as I filled her mouth. I almost came but wanted to fuck her too so I pulled out of her mouth and said Mark was going to cum and put Marks wet cock into her mouth and we pretended that he came in her mouth while I fucked her. We then kissed passionately as I drove my cock deep inside her pussy until Mrs V. came wildly again and I did very shortly thereafter. It was hot and wild!

 

Afterwards, we talked about how it all felt. I thought it was awkward on what would happen next, but we both thanked Mark for being in this fantasy and he left. We then talked a lot about what it would be like but of course it's a lot speculation. It sure was fun, though!

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Valha said:

Mrs. V here. First off, let me say thank you for your thoughtful post,...

 

There are many people here who enjoy helping others with lifestyle topics. My wife and I wouldn't be swingers were it not for this forum. There's such a wealth of information and healthy people here. I'm just glad we can help too!

 

Valha said:

it was a lot to digest but it has given us LOTS to talk about with each other.

 

Excellent! Discussion is wonderful, even if you never go down the swinging path.

 

 

Valha said:

When I talked about being slutty it was not about how others would perceive me but how I would perceive myself. I feel confident that Mr. V would not think negatively of me if we did decide to involve others in our play, but I would worry about how I would feel about myself.

 

Indeed. That can be difficult. It is always easier to dismiss the negative opinions of other people. Settling internal thoughts can be far more challenging.

 

My wife and I discussed many things in regards to swinging before we had our first experience. A concern was that once the bridge was crossed, we couldn't uncross it. Could we live with that? Our conclusion was that our love for each other was deep and intense. If there was something negative to come from a swinging experience, we would handle it together as a couple. We also decided to move slowly. We figured that it we felt we were going to have regrets, we would come across those feelings without having a full swap, and could discuss it then and maybe decide to stop.

 

What we found in our first soft swap was that it felt surprisingly natural. We were all on the same bed, and I was almost always in physical contact with my wife (something she requested). I found that I thoroughly enjoyed hearing my wife's reaction to the other man, and she likewise towards me. I also found that the sexual acts very felt natural, but that the first time the wife of the other couple placed her hand on my waist (of all things) that I felt a bit unnatural. Strange, I know My wife didn't have any similar sensations. She just enjoyed the experience very much, and we both felt very happy afterwards, and incredibly sexually charged for days!

 

 

Valha said:

Talking with Mr V. about all this and role playing has definitely set off fireworks! I will encourage Mr. V to tell the story of our last role play when he gets the chance!

 

Fantasies are POWERFUL stuff. There's so much wrapped up in fantasizing about swinging scenarios; being naughty, doing something taboo, the excitement of enjoying someone new after decades of only your spouse, knowing your spouse is enjoying it, etc. It's a very charged atmosphere, even in fantasy.

 

Often noted here is that fantasy and reality are not the same. Can you discuss swinging at mundane times outside of the bedroom, perhaps while getting the mail, doing shopping for food, etc? Not that swinging is mundane; but if you're comfortable with discussing swinging outside of the fantasy world, it's a reasonable measure of your comfort level with swinging. Fantasizing is like mental alcohol; it's easy to say yes when you're drunk

 

(which is a good tip for swinging in actuality; if you have to drink to swing, don't)

 

 

Valha said:

Mr. V. here. I completely agree with this. And I've made it clear to Mrs. V. that so long as we progress within both our comfort levels and love & respect each other as we do that I would never think less of her if we ever did swing.

 

Perfect! Always move in ways that are comfortable to both of you.

 

 

Valha said:

I also feel that at some point, our own fears and over-analyzing before the fact is detrimental to our happiness.

 

Yes and no. Fear is what keeps us from danger. It's natural. It's what stops us from walking into traffic, from leaning too far over a railing of a tall building, etc. That said, taking counsel of your fears at all times is heavily limiting.

 

For my wife and I, it was months of discussion before we took our first real steps into the swinging world. After so much discussion, we realized there wasn't really anything to be fearful of. We'd come to a point where we'd discussed everything we possibly could discuss about swinging, and answered everything we could without actually swinging. At that point, it was decision time. Not that we had to make a decision, but that nothing more could be done without making a decision. We decided to move forward, slowly, and it was a great decision.

 

 

Valha said:

Soft play, you know, sounds like a lot of fun to me and a good way to break the ice and then see how we feel about that and talk it out.

 

Yes it is! Dipping your toes in the pool can really help both of you more clearly understand your emotions.

 

Valha said:

OK then! Mrs. V. and I thought it would be fun to share a role playing fantasy that we played out in the privacy of our bedroom one night last week.

 

Awesome story Love it! Cherry picking some things I want to respond to...

 

 

Valha said:

where we told the single guys to keep their distance but they can watch, just no touching.

 

I don't think you would have to worry too much about uninvited people doing any touching, at least at a swinger club. It's not a free for all and people understand that courtesy demands asking first before touching beyond a casual touch.

 

 

Valha said:

One guy came up to us and was pretty forward and we politely let him know we weren't interested.

 

And "no" always means no in the lifestyle. Anyone who doesn't respect that (which is rare) is shown the door.

 

 

 

Valha said:

I was in heaven watching her two-hand stoking both hard cocks! I then told her how hot she looked with Mark's cock in her hand ...She looked so beautiful grabbing and sucking on that thing....and enjoyed the muffled sounds of her moans as I filled her mouth.

 

For my part, I very much enjoy MFMs with my wife because of exactly what you describe above. I love watching her play with other men. Stroking them, giving them head, having sex with them, and hearing her incredible moans as she's being pleasured...it's all powerfully erotic and I thoroughly enjoy it. With an MFM, I can concentrate on my wife. For my wife's part, she loves having multiple men to play with. Her favorite is giving head and having sex at the same time. Absolutely impossible with just the two of us!

 

If you do swing, based on what you've described in your story, I think you too will find it powerfully erotic watching your beautiful wife play with another man.

 

 

Valha said:

Afterwards, we talked about how it all felt. I thought it was awkward on what would happen next, but we both thanked Mark for being in this fantasy and he left.

 

It can be a bit awkward after everybody's done, but really we haven't felt too much of this. Whomever you play with is in the same boat as you are, and you are friends at least to some degree with them. If we're at a swinger club, we usually clean up and then go have a drink with the people we've played with. It's a way to segue from playing to chatting. But really, it's never been very awkward.

 

Valha said:

We then talked a lot about what it would be like but of course it's a lot speculation. It sure was fun, though!

 

Having the role playing is a great way to stir discussion! Yes, it is speculation but understand; by far the most dominant element of swinging for the two of you is how the two of you feel about and respond to swinging. Role playing helps in that it generates thoughts about what that would be like. Speculation, yes, but there's nobody else that can tell you how you feel.

 

Another alternative to going to a swing club to dip your toes in the pool is to meet another couple who are swingers. Not for play, but to talk. It can be very useful to talk to real people, either in person or over the phone, who are already in the lifestyle. Talking in text on the web is great and certainly can help answer a lot of questions, but in person puts you outside of the bubble of your own regular world. Doing so when no play will happen is non-threatening and places no burden on you other than having a pleasant discussion and evening with another couple. My wife and I have introduced a few couples in this way, and would be happy to do so if Indiana is close enough for you. I'm sure there are other couples in Ohio would could fill the same role. There's at least two couples from Dayton on this board, for example.

[CandLinPC 92]

Hey there. I've been reading along so far, and your story is very encouraging. You're taking a pace that's comfortable for both of you, and most importantly, You're communicating well.

 

That said, I have a few points to add to the already great advice.

 

It's all about you: I think that most swingers feel some kind of pressure, whether internal or peer, to measure up to some kind of standard; beauty, clothing choice, full swap, etc. I think the thing most of us learn very early, but forget very easily is that swinging is what you make it. No one can tell you how to swing, they have no ownership of your actions. If they don't like how you swing, move on. Their bad attitude is not uncommon in the LS, but it hampers progress more than it will ever help. If you want to stay monogamous, but want a sexy environment, that is completely valid. If you want anonymous anal, that's valid too. An almost universal question is, "What do you guys do?" In other words, what are your rules? Do they match up with ours? Are we okay playing with a couple who's rules don't match ours?

 

Safer sex: Again, your rules or no play. Condoms for sex? For oral? Dental dams for lady oral? Some couples also have rules about where to cum; inside, outside, not in the mouth, only on the pinky toe of the left foot, in the fishbowl on the nightstand. It's all valid. Don't let anyone make you go further than you want to, and if someone gives you crap for it, as above, move on. They just aren't worth compromising your rules, and possibly doing damage, great or small to your relationship.

 

Role-playing: Awesome! I don't know if you have fixed your fears of thinking of other people when having sex with each other, but it seems to me that when you role-play the one-night-stand, you are thinking about someone else to a certain degree in the sense that you "don't know" the person you are taking to the hotel room. I don't say this to judge, but to bring it into your mind, and maybe spark a conversation about your progress in that regard.

 

Jealousy: The secret to mastering jealousy is to keep a cool head. If it's a problem in the moment, politely excuse yourselves from play, and take it outside. The biggest boner-killer is seeing drama unfold. It literally puts everyone who saw it in a bad mood, and breaks the party up. Exit the situation, and talk about it afterward. When you discuss it later (outside right now, tomorrow at home, when or wherever), Discuss it, don't argue or try to "win". Your partner did not try to hurt you, they just made a mistake. Find the root of the problem, and devise a strategy to fix it. Jealousy is the symptom, not the problem.

 

The Box: Think outside of it. Role-playing is a superb first step. Next try a hug, dance, or even a small kiss when chatting up other people. Talk about it afterwards when 'sober'. Another fun activity that we personally use often is to go to the local shopping mall, grab a large ice cream each, and people watch. Point out who you think is hot. (Politely and just between the two of you of course) Guess who your partner will think is hot, confirm or deny. This introduces 'other people' into the equation while still remaining safe by not interacting with them. How do you feel when your partner goes nuts for a person who is not your body type? Can you guess the body type or hairstyle that gets your partner an instant boner (or clitoral boner)?

 

After that, repeat the same procedure at a meet and greet or off premise club, and slowly escalate, and then talk about each new experience. You get the picture, escalate, talk, escalate, talk. Rinse and repeat until you find your limits.

 

Go with your gut. If it's telling you something is a bad idea, it's usually right. This usually happens when someone from another couple doesn't seem quite right, and activates your 'protect your spouse radar', but you can't tell why. Don't, however, confuse it with basic fear that may need to be pushed through to make progress.

 

If your limits are pole dancing, and monogamous sex, great. Do it, enjoy the hell out of it, have lots of orgasms.

 

Be accountable: Some say that women run the show in the LS. This is only somewhat true. In any good swinger relationship, Everybody has the option to pull the handbrake. Just as all rules, even the petty ones are valid and not to be trod upon, then any feelings of fear, jealousy, or uncomfortableness are valid reasons to stop action and regroup. Don't ever be afraid to politely (you don't want to hurt the other couple's or single's feelings) excuse yourself from play or even 'harmless' conversation to check up and make sure all is good with your partner, that you both are on the same page.

 

In Conclusion: Do it your way, be comfortable, and screw anyone who gives you crap. Be understanding and cool-headed with your partner. Jealousy is the symptom of insecurity, not the problem. Think outside the box. Go at your pace. Never be afraid to pull the handbrake.

 

I hope this novel has helped at least a little bit, and I hope you guys do well together.

 

-Ciao!

[Valha 18]

Again, thank you all for the advice and shared experiences! We've read quite a bit more, too. We haven't posted in a little while between jobs, kids, house, etc... but we do find the time to have the quality discussions about this because we are that important to each other. We wanted to share that we have decided that we would like to visit an on premise club sometime next month when we visit Florida. We will be staying near the Orlando area. Mrs. V is interested in perhaps some dirty dancing and exhibitionism. We are also very excited in the prospect of watching others have sex and would like to have sex with each other perhaps in full view of all the other action.

 

We have discussed the importance of being upfront and forthright with others that we are only interested in having sex with our spouses at this time so as not to give false impressions or lead anyone on, especially with Mrs V doing any provocative dancing. Any other advice anyone has sure is welcome.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

Any other advice anyone has sure is welcome.

 

A sage piece of advice in going to a swing club; go with the expectation of having a pleasant evening. Drop any other expectations.

[Valha 18]

Hello everyone, Mr & Mrs V here! It's been too long since we've posted and we do have some updates to share!

 

In June we did go to the Orlando Love Loft and had a great time! We went in with no expectations other than to have a great time. Our rules were to only play with each other and if at any time either of us were uncomfortable, we would leave. We showed up early on a Saturday night so that we could get a feel for the place and the hostess was very nice. We received the guided tour and were taught everything from what the different rooms were for to what it meant to use the different color-coded cups. The theme for the night was couples & unicorns only. We specifically chose this night because it seemed as though we would experience a lot less pressure for our first visit to a club. Taking tips from etiquette, we agreed we would be upfront early in conversations with others about our intentions of only playing amongst ourselves so as not to falsely lead others on. This strategy paid immediate dividends because it really put us at ease, and made us feel much more festive than we anticipated. After our tour and meeting the hosts / hostesses we went in the bar area and started mingling right away. It didn't take long to meet some very VERY cool couples who kinda took us under their wings and were more than willing to share experiences and all kinds of aspects that they love about the lifestyle. I really dont think things would have been as smooth and fun had we not been upfront about our intentions. Since any new people we talked to knew early on we were only there to play with each other, there was no pressure or obligation to continue the conversation unless they really just wanted to chat with us.

 

As the night progressed, we had a blast moving throughout the different rooms, talking to new people and watching as people started loosening up and started to play. At about midnight, one of the private room doors were wide open and a nice looking couple on the bed kept eyeing Mrs V and I. We went in and said hi, and asked if it was ok if we just watched them as we played together and they could watch us. They said "sure!". It didn't take long for Mrs V and I to be completely naked. Another nice looking couple came in the room next and sat next to us on the sofa and started playing. The environment was REALLY HOT! After the first couple finished up on the bed, the 2nd couple and Mrs V and I shared the bed. Us guys had both girls laying next to each other touching while we drove home to fantastic orgasms. It drove us crazy in delight with all of the humping and moaning. Certainly an experience we will never want to forget!

 

Thanks again to all here who have contributed in helping us find our way as we learn the ropes! We have more to share but that will have to wait until next post, which we promise will be forthcoming a lot sooner than this one.

[Dont.Stop 339]

The Love Loft is such a great place. And yes, couples/unicorns night is probably the best bet for a first time couple. We, on the other hand, not knowing anything, jumped in first on BBC night, which really meant single guys (any race) were abundant.

 

While Mrs. enjoyed herself, we decided that couples/unicorns would be our target nights in the future.

 

Glad you had a great time. Just reminds us that we need to get back there again soon.

[Valha 18]

The Love Loft is such a great place. And yes, couples/unicorns night is probably the best bet for a first time couple. We, on the other hand, not knowing anything, jumped in first on BBC night, which really meant single guys (any race) were abundant.

 

While Mrs. enjoyed herself, we decided that couples/unicorns would be our target nights in the future.

 

Glad you had a great time. Just reminds us that we need to get back there again soon.

 

We will definitely want to return. Orlando is becoming a yearly trip for us, so if we do go back next year, we'll plan around going to the Loft! Maybe we'll see you there!

[Valha 18]

OK, Mr V here! So we said we'd give you some more updates and here goes:

 

After our night at the Orlando Love Loft where we only played with each other, (which went awesome for us), we started reaching out more to couples in our area. We had signed up and created a very short profile on Swing Lifestyle just before our trip to Orlando, but didn't decide to add pics and elaborate in the profile until we came back from our trip. Immediately after putting pics up of my Mrs V showing her cleavage and wet-T pics, (our face pics are private access only), we got inundated with emails. Many obviously didn't read our profile so those were either deleted or a quick quip reply was made along the lines of "you obviously didn't read our profile, so please stop wasting our time". But there were some nice responses from people that obviously DID read the profile and commented about how they liked it, and/or that they had certain things in common with us. We ended up chatting with a handful of very nice couples online and in video chat and also met one couple for a dinner/dancing event to get to know each other.

 

The dinner with the couple went great. We all seemed to click, have many similarities in our lives, and are both very inexperienced. This couple had one full swap experience "long time ago" which they said did not go well at all, and a soft swap experience that didn't go well. They pinpointed it to not being selective enough so they were coming back to start over again and to take their time and do it right. This has been Mrs. V's and mine approach, thanks to you folks here at the SB. We agreed to meet again so given our schedules the second dinner was a couple of weeks afterwards, with plenty of chat online and Iphone facetime in between. Mrs. V and I told them to bring a change of clothes and swim trunks, as we had a place to change and we could all go swimming and sit in the hot tub. At dinner, we told them it was a room at nearby hotel and we wanted them to join us to do some watching and be watched. They seemed as excited as we were. The dinner went great, we took a quick walk down the boardwalk near the beach, then headed for swimming and hot tubbing. We then went up to the room were they seem a lot more nervous than us but expressed that they did want to play (it's all agreed, same spouse only). Mrs. V and I took the initiative (old pros from the LOFT?!! LOL, hardly, but what can we say, we were very comfortable). It didn't take long until our friends were naked with us on the same bed. We loved watching and being watched. There were groans and moans all around. It was very, very fun.

 

We have continued to talk with this couple and things have progressed A LOT for Mrs V's and my comfort level as we have plans to get another room with them and do some FULL SWAPPING! WOOT!

 

Here's our ground rules:

 

1. No means no, anytime someone is uncomfortable, it is encouraged to be vocalized and play stops.

2. Condoms for intercourse.

 

I'm hoping the next time we give an update, it will be a new thread in the first time experiences topic.

[Baconheads 432]

Very sexy thread! I enjoy reading of your exploits.

[Valha 18]

Another update from Mr. and Mrs. V.

Mr. V. here. Due in large part to the superb advice of the good folks here at SB, we have taken our initiation into this lifestyle with great patience and with careful consideration of each other's feelings and reservations. Our communication over the past 6 months has been excellent, and throughout our exploration thus far, we've had no jealousy issues or any drama whatsoever. In our last post we mentioned that there was one other new couple that we were very interested in. We had met with several times between emails, texting, web-cam, dinners out, etc... only to have been canceled on due to the other wife just saying she wasn't ready and didn't think she ever could be. We let them know not to worry and that we completely understand but of course we were ready to move on so great thing for us that we had already decided to start looking for a single male on Swing Lifestyle.

 

A long time fantasy of mine (and what I gravitate towards when I do watch any porn) is MFM when the woman is getting thoroughly pleasured by two guys. Mrs. V. knows this well and has recently been more and more turned on by the idea as our journey into this lifestyle slowly but successfully progresses. It only took a week of us opening up our Swing Lifestyle email/profile to singles that we received hundreds of offers from horny single guys wanting to get it on with Mrs. V. Out of all those, we really liked a very small handful and decided to pursue some chats with them. We liked one guy's profile and emails so much that we decided to video chat with him on yahoo. I'll refer to him from now on as just "T". It only took about 15 minutes into the video chat to become so comfortable that to our amazement Mrs. V and I were getting it on for T to watch. Mrs. V enjoyed him stripping down and showing her his hardon while she started to suck on my cock as I played with her pussy. Soon after we were in a 69 as she watched him stroke his cock on the screen set up conveniently next to our bed so he could fully see everything. Mrs. V asked T to direct our play. He wanted to watch her ride me and so she did. I next fucked her missionary style so he could see from behind us then I lifted her legs up high and fucked her deep in her pussy. I told her she felt so tight but she said it was because I was just so huge! Single guy started to cum and Mrs. V enjoyed watching that! During all of this Mrs. V came at least 3 times. She wanted to put on a good show for T so right before I was about to cum she took me into her mouth and I exploded with so much cum she couldn't take it all in her mouth and we all had a good laugh about how much was dribbling down her face. What a beautiful smile she made as everyone seemed to be thrilled and satisfied. We said our goodbyes to single guy and logged off but not before setting up a date to meet. After logging off, Mrs. V and I made love and it was just amazing.

 

End result of our first meeting with T?.... You'll have to read about that in First Time Experiences as we've had our first time MFM!! Story coming soon, we promise!! A little summary though: HOT SEX MARATHON!!

 

What else has happened since then? We've also had a HOT full swap experience with a couple we met at a local club. Another story cumming soon!!

 

We are officially swingers! Hurray!

[Valha 18]

Here's the link to the summary of our first experience

[Inserting 15]

It is nice to read about your journey/s. Of course as a single guy I've been thru a lot of no's.