Rejecting ugly people

[WhatisTruth 41]

My wife and I recently met a couple who we cannot stand, not because of their looks, but because the male half was one of the meanest and degrading people we have ever met. He couldn't make it more than 60 seconds without insulting people of different color, sizes, religions, or even his own wife.

 

We barely made it through dinner before we high-tailed it out of there. So when we touch base again to see if everybody is interested (preplanned before the meet), should we call the guy out for being the degenerate that he is? Or should we stay politically correct, save possible reputation smearing, and simply state that there wasn't enough interest on our end?

[WildMiCouple 325]

Definately go the "there was just not the sexual spark we need to take it to the next level" route and then wish them the best of luck in the future. I'm not one that gives other couples or singles specific reasons why we didn't conect......especially where you've witnessed one of them badmouthing others openly. Only bad things can result from doing so. Just brush them off politely and move on.

 

Brett

[two4youinswva 3,068]

...........simply state that there wasn't enough interest on our end?

 

This would be our choice. No reason to continue a conversation any longer than necessary with people we aren't interested in, especially if the reason is for the one you had to deal with.

 

Telling them why you aren't interested isn't likely to change his attitude, and only invites the possibility of unnecessary drama.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

Swinging is a small world and their reputation will eventually precede them. People do talk.

[Goingood 48]

If he's not your cup of tea, don't drink.

I'm not too concerned with how others feel about people

since there's a few of EVERY color and/or creed whom I don't wish to be around, either.

At the same time, I don't express my feelings to others unless they are amongst those

with whom I have a problem.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

[VegasLee 1,486]

So when we touch base again to see if everybody is interested (preplanned before the meet),

 

Why touch base? You are not interested, find someone you are interested in.

 

Keep it simple.

[Alura 2,775]

My wife and I recently met a couple who we cannot stand, not because of their looks, but because the male half was one of the meanest and degrading people we have ever met. He couldn't make it more than 60 seconds without insulting people of different color, sizes, religions, or even his own wife.

 

We barely made it through dinner before we high-tailed it out of there. So when we touch base again to see if everybody is interested (preplanned before the meet), should we call the guy out for being the degenerate that he is? Or should we stay politically correct, save possible reputation smearing, and simply state that there wasn't enough interest on our end?

 

I'd say avoid them in the future but don't talk about them. I'd agree that the man is a boor for whom we wouldn't have cared, but he may be someone's cup of tea.

 

Alura

[lizandtom 512]

I wish people would tell me if they aren't interested and exactly why. Am I too small, too short, too ugly, too ignorant, etc or is it something that I can "fix" and have a better chance of hooking up in the future.....

 

Never take it personally; people don't choose who they are attracted to, they just are or are not. Be the best self you can be, and there should be someone who'll dig you for who you are, albeit it would be easier to find other potential playmates with a female companion you've been with for some time.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

It's best to keep your reasons for not wanting to play with someone to yourself. Can create headaches now or later. Think about it.

[MN Tom 251]

For the OP, no need to touch base. You aren't interested, so unless they start contacting you and don't get that hint, then just leave it be.

 

As far as telling people exactly why they aren't your cup of tea, well it's a very dicey thing. Some people welcome and can handle that frankness, some cannot. And it's not easy to tell which is which. Something seemingly innocent to you can be a sore spot with someone else, and they could blow up about it.

[essexcouple 15]

There's no need to deny that looks are part of attraction. If you don't find someone attractive then its a valid reason not to see them again!

[Chicup 42]

I'm slightly disappointed in this thread.

 

I saw the title and thought 'popcorn' but since its not looks no popcorn needed

[ClosetSwinger 112]

I would not seek them out and if they DO seek you out I would just go with there was not a connection and leave it at that.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Why touch base? You are not interested, find someone you are interested in.

 

Keep it simple.

 

My sentiments exactly. I see no reason to contact them.

 

If they do contact you, simply let them know that you are not interested. There's no reason to tell them why, doing so will only start a discussion that is not worth having.

[padoc 1,704]

If the guy is as obnoxious as you say, telling him so would only pour gas on a fire. You owe NO ONE an explanation as to why you don't want to get naked with them.

[cocpl2007 170]

If the guy is as obnoxious as you say, telling him so would only pour gas on a fire. You owe NO ONE an explanation as to why you don't want to get naked with them.

 

Certainly agree.

 

This can't be the first time you've encountered incompatible couples, or individuals. If it was, you have been uncharacteristically fortunate.

[WhatisTruth 41]

Thanks for all of your replies. The reason to touch base again is that was pretty much the preplanned agreement when we discussed rules and what not.

 

I know we don't "owe" them anything, but we can't help but to feel obligated. Part of me also want's to let the guy know why we aren't attracted to him: namely that his...uhhhh.....approach to life isnt cool or sexy.

 

Though we heed the wisdom of people doing this far longer than we have.

[Chicup 42]

Thanks for all of your replies. The reason to touch base again is that was pretty much the preplanned agreement when we discussed rules and what not.

 

I know we don't "owe" them anything, but we can't help but to feel obligated. Part of me also want's to let the guy know why we aren't attracted to him: namely that his...uhhhh.....approach to life isnt cool or sexy.

 

Though we heed the wisdom of people doing this far longer than we have.

 

The best way to make someone think they are not wrong is to tell them how they are wrong. Ego doesn't allow it.

[WesternSwing 504]

Forget em'. If they contact you again just tell them that you are not compatible.

[LFM2 1,482]

I got into a little to and fro with a guy I knew we weren't compatible with. Against my better judgment, I should have known to just keep my giant mouth shut, instead, I got into a scuffle of of words with a pixelated screen and he just wouldn't leave it alone as to why we wouldn't play with him. He was NOT good at rejection. It's best to just leave well enough alone and just say you're not interested and leave it at that.

[lizandtom 512]

I know we don't "owe" them anything, but we can't help but to feel obligated. Part of me also want's to let the guy know why we aren't attracted to him: namely that his...uhhhh.....approach to life isnt cool or sexy.

 

Though we heed the wisdom of people doing this far longer than we have.

 

We learned early on that, after we say to someone that we're not interested, and they ask why, the less said (nothing if possible) the better.

 

In the beginning when someone really nice would continue asking what it was that we didn't like, we made the mistake of actually saying what it was. It came around through friends that it was said that "we weren't serious because we never do anything." Couldn't be farther from the truth especially considering 29 cert's, but as a previous poster said a big ego won't allow that person to see themselves as ever being wrong.

 

That brings me back to our mantra: "NEVER EXPLAIN, NEVER APOLOGIZE."

[carrysmith 57]

i totaly agree with ( vegas lee) keep it simple & to the point!!..we had a situation similar to this, we bushed the couple to the side & they kepted trying to hangout/hook up with us,his wife was such a pain in the ass geezzz...my husband eventually said to them, stay away from us,find some 1 else period..