Should I just admit swinging isn't right for me??

[funguy500 15]

My wife and I have been swinging for about 6 years now but have had limited experiences. I'd say 4 soft swap experiences and 1 full swap.

 

Well.. the first 2 times we did the soft swap thing, I couldn't get hard. It really devastated me because i had never had the problem before. In fact, after those 2 experiences failed, we went home each time and had incredible sex together without issue! Well, after those 2, we had 2-3 relatively good experiences. I wasn't the hardest I've ever been, but it was working and we both had fun with the couple.

 

Well... the reason why I'm posting is the last 2 experiences we had a full and a soft swap scenario, I again wasn't able to get hard.

 

At this point, i have no idea what to do. I'm frustrated and really want to find a way to beat this. The weird thing about the last experience was I actually used Cialis and took it abut 4 hours before. guess what.. NOTHING.. didn't work at all .is this even possible? lol:(

 

Well.. I'm sure this topic has been posted before but i would appreciate any advice including if you feel the best thing to do would be quit swinging.

[LagniappeDC 313]

If you search through this forum you'll find that your probably isn't uncommon. Swinging is as much mental as it is physical. There could be any number of reasons why this is happening. I'd take some time to really think through each experience and see if there was a common factor as to your issue. Also, what about the good experiences worked?

 

While I'm lucky in that I've not had much of a problem being ready to play, I've found that I may not stay that way the entire experience or I simply can't finish. It's about being comfortable with the situation, with my play partner, and with how my wife is doing. If any of those things are off, its bound to have an effect on me.

 

We prefer to have repeated play sessions with one or two couples vs. multiple first time encounters because it allows us to have a real comfort level with them. Once the mental part is dealt with, the play part becomes that much more fun!!

[lizandtom 512]

Swinging is as much mental as it is physical. There could be any number of reasons why this is happening. I'd take some time to really think through each experience and see if there was a common factor as to your issue. Also, what about the good experiences worked?

 

We prefer to have repeated play sessions with one or two couples vs. multiple first time encounters because it allows us to have a real comfort level with them. Once the mental part is dealt with, the play part becomes that much more fun!!

 

Funguy, Lag hit it on the head. You obviously weren't comfortable in most cases to the point where you could relax enough to get it going. Were you worried about how your SO was perceiving your attraction to the other F ? Perhaps you weren't really attracted to the other women, but taking one for the team to please your other 1/2.

 

This is the only category where one has to, and should, 'think with their johnson.' If your 'attraction meter' isn't registering up the totem pole, then you should not get into any swinging situations, less so for you than the fact that other women will feel less than attractive and that they don't do it for you; i.e. hurt feelings.

 

Also 4 encounters in 6 six years doesn't give you very good odds of success either. Why don't you peruse SLS and where you both think there may be a match, go out for a drink or two without expectations, and the proverbial 'taking it from there.' The more lifestyle socialization you have, the better your odds are of success. Heck, in our 7 years, we're well over 6 dozen full swaps by now. The more encounters the more you'll know the signs of whats going to work out, and what won't way ahead of time where you can put a stop to it because the chemistry just isn't there. Good luck.

[slevin 1,374]

The weird thing about the last experience was I actually used Cialis and took it abut 4 hours before. guess what.. NOTHING.. didnt work at all .is this even possible? lol:(

 

Yes, it's possible. Cialis/Viagra etc. don't actually give you erections. All they do is increase the bloodflow which makes it easier for the body to have an erection. They are intended for people who have a physical issue stopping them from having an erection. If the issue is mental, then taking a pill like that isn't always going to help. For some just knowing they have that pill is enough to alleviate some of the stress around the situation, which takes their mind off it. The mental aspect is the real problem.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We have been swinging for 20 years and this still happens to me from time to time. In my experiance it's most likly nerves. After only 6 times, some of which were good I wouldn't worry about it. As lagniappeDC said, it will most likely be better if you are more comfortable with the people you are playing with. In the past I have had most of my issues when there are people just watching, last week I met up with a friend of ours for some playtime and her SO wasn't there when we started. He came in as things were just starting to heat up, he just sat and watched. In the past this is where I would have had issues, but because I was so comfortable with them, no issues what so ever.

 

K

[funguy500 15]

thanks so far for all the feedback. The reason why we have only had 7 or so experiences in 6 years is this(swinging) really isnt very important to us. We do it once in awhile for fun. Kinda like going to the movies.

This last experience though got me so frustrated. We were really attracted to the couple but i think some of it might of been that it was a one night stand thing out of our local area. We have never done this before. Its always been meet the couple for drinks first, then plan a second play meeting if we all got along on that first meeting. Things were really rushed and no one really knew how to break the ice once we got to our hotel room. I was just really suprised that the Cialis didnt kick in. I had tried it once before in a non-swinging situation with my wife just for fun, and i was really blown away by how hard i got..lol. I guess though since this appears to be a mental thing, I had to search for another answer to this problem. I wonder if a hypnotist could help??? lol

[Alura 2,775]

I'm just a hick Okie and I don't claim to know much about anatomy or how Cialis works, but I've developed a theory about the limp dick syndrome. It's free, which may give you a good idea of it's value.

 

In the decade or so that I've hung around here, it seems that the better a man's communication and sex life with his wife is, the more likely he is to be embarrassed with other women. A lot of guys, myself included, can't fuck a woman just because she's a woman. A lot can, but those who can't are very special men, indeed.

 

My guess is that you need to become better friends with the people with whom you play. I'm not talking about Poly here... just play with people you respect and care about as friends.

 

That's what worked for us. The other way, including clubs, didn't.

 

Alura

[funguy500 15]

very interesting Alura. Thats something to thinking about. The only thing i see that could go wrong is MANY swingers dont want friends, they want swinging partners. Am i wrong?

[TheSwingerSet 205]

. The only thing i see that could go wrong is MANY swingers dont want friends, they want swinging partners. Am i wrong?

 

In my experience most swingers want friends, maybe not close personal invite us to your kids B-day party friends but people they can call to just hang out with, or enjoy a night of, drinks, dinner and dancing with the thought that you might end up naked in the back of everyones mind.

 

 

K

[Alura 2,775]

very interesting Alura. Thats something to thinking about. The only thing i see that could go wrong is MANY swingers dont want friends, they want swinging partners. Am i wrong?

 

I think you're right. Many swingers just want to fuck somebody different. Some don't even care to learn their playmates' names if they can avoid it. There are some who never play with the same people twice.

 

Judging from your posts, I don't think you're that kind of person. Any attempt to make yourself something you're not will probably be fraught with a soft penis.

 

Am I wrong?

 

Alura

[funguy500 15]

you are so right, alura!

[Dont.Stop 339]

I have to agree 1000% here.

 

Going to the club, I fail miserably.

 

Went to a friend's house... people we've known for a while but our first time swinging with... no worries. We talked, had dinner, shared stuff about our lives. Then there was the whole seduction game. Definitely makes a difference, at least to this 40-something guy.

 

Alura usually pretty spot-on, even if he is "just a hick Okie." Listen and learn from him.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I was thinking how often it's been said that our dicks have their own brain. Well, maybe they actually do!

 

Do you remember when, as a kid, our dicks would get hard when we didn't want them to? And, we just couldn't get them to go back soft?

 

Well, now it's like things have reversed, huh?

 

OK, maybe it was the uncertainty that made them so hard? That, and the extreme excitement of the new, and stimulating, situation. Maybe it was the 'not knowing for sure' that got it hard? And, in a swapping situation there's no question. So, your dick isn't taking over because your other brain knows.

 

And, with your wife, it's the comfort thing. You're relaxed and your dick is in familiar territory so it's just doing it's normal thing.

 

Just some thoughts!

 

My dick did best when the swapping was unexpected and just happened or when I knew the other wife very well and was comfortable with her.

 

Oh, and, Viagra and Cialis don't seem to get your dick hard, they just seem to keep them harder for longer!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Your issue is a common one. And yes it may be that swinging isn't right for you, or it may just be that you need a different approach.

 

Some couples find that opting for separate rooms fixes the problem (he can't be in a room with another guy). Others find that he needs more time getting to know the others involved (he just needs to feel more comfortable with the others involved).

 

Look back at your previous situations, figure out what was different about the two times where you sorta worked and take it from there to try new things.

[MacNfries 123]

Well, I recall the movie Cool Hand Luke when the warden said, "you gotta get your mind right, boy!" The problem really is just between the ears, and the brain is our biggest sex organ when you think about it. I'd much prefer to have a mental issue instead of a mechanical issue. Some women don't realize just how complicated the working mechanisms of the penis is ... if it doesn't get erect, that part of the party is OVER. The slightest distraction and "down he goes" ... bummer!

 

funguy500, regarding the Cialas ... if you ordered it off the internet, there's a 50:50 chance that it is fake. Only way to be sure you're getting the potent stuff is through a prescription, and even then there's like a 10% chance of it not being real or 100%. So get your Cialas or Viagra through your doctor by prescription.

 

You sound a bit like me ... I can't just drop my pants, get erect, and screw a woman, even if she's a 10, with 10 being the highest. I need some conversation and relaxation ... my brain fears she might be mentally grading me. So I would go into any introductions with a new female with very low expectations, and plenty of friendly conversation ... if the chemistry is there, your Johnson will let you know.

[funguy500 15]

Really appreciate all the feedback. I think im going to sit down with the wife and really try to figure out the differences between the good experiences I had and the bad ones. Im sure with some good communication and a couple we are comfy with, there wont be any problems. Guess ill get back on the boat and start paddling again