Swinging just for sex OK?

[kennyg 15]

My girlfriend and I were curious about swinging for some time, and even went to one on-premises club while on vacation, had a lot of fun there. Now we were thinking of possibly doing it some more, but here's our (mostly mine actually) hangup:

 

Most faq's about swinging keep at length about how you meet other couples, how you get friendly with them, share common interests, etc etc. I have no desire of such things. I feel that swinging with someone we know and friendly with can provoke jealousy, and we have enough friends. I just want to go to a club, find an attractive couple who likes us, have some great sex, and I'm not even interested to know what their names are. I realize that may sound offensive and objectifying to some, but that's part of the turn on. Plus I would be happy if another couple would feel the same way about us (just a couple of hot bodies).

 

Is it realistic to find play partners with a mindset like this, or are most people going to be offended by it?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

What you describe actually has a name; casual encounter. Happens all the time. Has happened to my wife and I. Sometimes, just sometimes, these casual encounters evolve into friendship and that's good too. Seek and you will find.

 

Glad to have you with us at Swingersboard.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Yes, that definitely happens at clubs and parties. If you are chatting someone up before playing you might mention that you are only interested in a one time thing if that's the case. Sometimes, though people just start playing without talking at all. Everyone swings differently, just so you are honest and treat people with respect you will be fine.

[Learning 160]

You can find what you desire in the lifestyle. You make it what you want. Couples Choice in Chi-town is awesome. A lot of fun can be had there good luck!

[Dont.Stop 339]

Yep, this kind of stuff happens all the time in clubs.

 

We took a couple (never did get their names) into the couples room last time we visited. They left the room about a hour later, but we stayed and continued on with some other couples who were in the room (I think we call that an orgy). No one asked my name, I didn't ask anyone theirs.

 

It was fun, though not my preferred way of doing things. But to each his & her own... enjoy!

[VegasLee 1,486]

What your talking about is what the Lifestyle (Swinging) was all about for many years.

 

Many couples the last 10 years or so have made it into something else.

 

In the process the drama, break up of relationships have increased.

 

People have made a simple things of being a Swinger into a lot of work for many and a lot of trouble for others.

 

Yes, there are still some of us out there that know this is about sex and enjoying life without drama.

[Lascivious L&L 866]

I have to beg to differ with the usually right on VegasLee just a little. I have been swinging for forty years, so have some perspective on its dynamics over time. From my observation there have always been the it's only sex and not friendship crowd in swinging as well as the we like our sex a little less casual and more friendship oriented crowd. My feeling is that hasn't changed much over time.

 

Some trends we notice are actually aspects of aging. Noticing more relationships breaking up may be an accumulation of experience with relationships breaking up rather than the breakup rate actually increasing.

 

There are people who make drama the entertainment of their lives and those who wish far less of it in life. I think that hasn't changed that much over time. The more things seem to change, on close inspection the more it stays the same, as least as far as the nature of people.

[Tina and Bob 236]

For Bob and me it's a little of both, but when we go to clubs or swing parties it's all about just the sex and even when they ask your name which is rare we only give them our first name. We don't get into small talk like asking where we live and what line of work etc. We play and then we go home not even thinking that we would hook up again. These type of play situations are one and done as Bob says.

[padoc 1,701]

We have had similar thoughts Kenny. Those profiles that state "friends first" or "no 1-nighters" seem to abound on the websites. Some of the best friends we have are lifestyle couples and we've enjoyed wonderful sexual moments with them. We have also had some HOT nights at clubs or parties with couples we've never seen again. I think that you're more likely to find the no strings, one night encounters at on premise clubs or large hotel parties. The one on one, dinner/drinks couples tend to be looking for more of an emotional connection.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I don't mind anyone having a different opinion then I do. There are many people in this world much smarter then I am.

 

This Recent Thread by an very experienced couple shows what can and most of the time will happen when you head into things with friends.

 

Once you start mixing friends or emotions in something that should be nothing more then physical you are looking for trouble.

[HappyCpl 89]

Mrs. H and I prefer the casual encounter to "dating" another couple, which seems to be the norm these days. We aren't in the lifestyle to make new best friends, travel companions, shopping buddies, or anything like that. Swinging is something we do as our "other selves", not as a lifestyle. We say this in our SLS profile, as well, and it doesn't seem to have any negative effects. We have friends who are swingers and friends who are not. What we do NOT have is friends we play with. We've seen more than enough couples self-destruct in the last 2 years to learn to keep as clear of this emotional minefield as we can.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Interesting posts and links here.

 

Mrs and I are looking for some "FWB" couples and will continue to do so. We visit the clubs for hit-n-run, but to have some friends to swap with and talk about the LS is important to us.

 

In the same token, we're not interested in poly, but perhaps too much closeness could be a bad thing. Definitely something we will keep an eye on and discuss.

[Wildthingplus 47]

I (Female) swing only for sex. I am not looking for a friendship. There are plenty of people like me that are in it for the sex. You should have no problem. My advice is to be upfront about it, that way no one gets the wrong idea.

[Guest MrsVan]

I think the clubs are where this can happen. If your looking for just the sex, the clubs are great for that. You show up at the club, find a couple that you may have an interest in and go from there. It does not have to be a friendship. Some of the best times are those that you do not expect or those that are just spontaneous.

 

MrVan and I had a couple of those types of situations happen. Once where we were playing alone and a single guy that had been checking me out over the course of the night stopped and watched us having sex and we invited him in:)

 

Other times it was just meeting new people and having sex, or playing and having other people join..It's fun!!! The clubs are the best way to go for just sex.

 

MrsVan

[Chicup 41]

I'd say its easier to find the sex part than the friendship part by far.

[DocWill 83]

This is a tough question because “the LS” can mean something different to just about everyone; though it is rather easy to group people (inside the LS) once you’ve been around the block a few times.

 

We started our journey with people we were friends with first; more out of pure lust than curiosity… and a couple of those relationships didn’t end well. As we got more experienced we met people who had been in the LS for more than a minute and THEN developed friendships- and for the most part those relationships have remained intact for what they are: SEX!

 

The bottom line is this: if you’re upfront about what you want you’ll meet people with similar needs/interests. If you find a couple that would rather go slow and build up to sex, then the best option for you two would be to move on until you find a couple that’s down with gettin’ down without all the “formalities.” There are plenty of couples that fit each description- you just have to put in some work to find them, and yes, the bigger clubs are probably the best place to find anonymous sex.

 

With us it’s more about the sex, so that’s what we look for, but I’d have to say it’s pretty rare to meet people outside of the clubs without exchanging some kind information or getting to know them a little before moving on to the bedroom. The anonymous sex is little too risky for us, but that’s us. We’re more of a “meet first and see where it goes” kind of couple because we are selective… and we’re upfront about keeping the relationship sexual; that we’re not really interested in multiple dinner dates and lengthy conversations that might lead to sex if we become “friends” first.

 

Now this is just my opinion, but I think a lot of couples that put friendship stipulations on sexual encounters are either looking for a long-term sexual relationship with people they think they can trust, or they’re just trying to rationalize their behavior because it’s still taboo to them. I don’t think that meeting a couple and “getting to know them” prevents any specific outcome or mitigates any risks- after all, how well do we REALLY know people- even our friends? We’ve found that by being mature, upfront, and reasonably intelligent with our choices, that we get the sex we want without the “friendship” stipulation. If we like the experience, we do it again. If we don’t, we go our separate ways- no harm, no foul.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

 

Most faq's about swinging keep at length about how you meet other couples, how you get friendly with them, share common interests, etc etc.

 

What you said above is taken differently by different people. I think most who share this information (myself included) simply mean that before you have sex you do have to have a discussion and make sure that (at least) your swinger interests are the same, have a little flirting and make sure that everyone is interested.

 

As opposed to some people's view of swinging that you just walk into a room and jump in a massive pile without so much as a "hi, how are you" - not that this doesn't exist as well.

 

Most swingers fall into one of two types, those who want to make friends "first" and those who don't care one way or the other. I would suggest for your interests you avoid socials and "meet and greets" and stick to on-premise clubs and house parties (the latter will take a while since you usually have to know someone to get invited).

[Chicup 41]

Here is how I'd do it.....

 

Meet and chat a bit, make sure you don't loath each other or that they don't like to crap on your chest (but if thats your thing who am I to judge).

 

Have sex.

 

Get to know and become friends.

 

You can interrupt at any given time. Most commonly after the have sex part.

[MN Tom 251]

We pretty much follow the chicup method.

 

One and done can happen, although it's not the most common method for us. Usually we have met the people a few times before the sex, and we see them again after sex (since everyone seems to go to most of the same parties around here) even though they aren't friends per se. Most are acquaintences, very few become friends.