Interested in the wife, but not the husband

[IvorieManiac 25]

We had our first 'date' with a nice couple last night. Just met for drinks, no play. They texted us when they got home, they want us to come to their house for dinner tonight. But I have a dilema, we both are attracted to the wife but not the husband. Hes a great guy with a good personality and we could see him as a friend, but I dont see myself doing much with him. The wife I could have alot of fun with. How do we handle this? We dont want to push this couple away and lose what could be a great friendship. Do I grin and bare it with hubby to save the friendship and fun with the wife? Or do we let them go solely over hubby by no fault of his own not meeting criteria?

[NCfuncouple98 367]

We don't "take one for the team", ever.

 

If there is ZERO attraction or interest in the husband, it's really not fair to lead them on and let them think there's a chance of 4-way play.

 

Mrs. NC

[VegasLee 1,486]

Honesty works for us. We tell people what we think and feel about them.

 

It works for some, others run away from us. That is their choice.

 

Millions of people in this world, we don't feel the need to do things we don't want to just to keep them around.

 

As adults, we feel games are not need.

[IvorieManiac 25]

I think your right, I dont want to lead them on. But I also dont want to offend them. Hopefully we can figure out the most tactful way of addressing the issue. Thanks.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Unless they play separately you should just say you weren't feeling a connection. You don't need to be specific about husband vs wife.

 

If they do play separately you could say you are interested in just playing with the wife. Or play g/g with guys watching and then ending with your significant other.

 

It can be very hard to find a four way connection. You will find other couples where everything meshes though. Just keep meeting and having fun.

[IvorieManiac 25]

I think your right, but the plot thickens. My fiance is aggrivated that im pulling out! He is excited by this woman and playing with her and has stated that if I found the male half of a couple hot but he wasnt attracted to the female half, he would take one for the team and I should be willing to do the same! He feels we wont ever find a couple we both agree on and this couple are really cool so its selfish of me to say no. Im now threatened by his eagerness to be with the woman and feeling very jealous. Concidering I am having issues with insecurity and hate my body, by him reacting this way im hurt! This has turned me off to the idea of swinging all together now. I know he will be angry for teasing him since it was my idea to do this, but now im upset because he was the one who contacted this couple and I know it was because of her. He says he thinks the guy is better than anyone ive been with in the past as well so I have no room to be picky or complain. They do play with single men and we all exchanged numbers so now im scared if I dont give him what he wants, he will see them behind my back. Ive gotten myself in a mess I cant see a way out of! Either way, im just screwed and not in the fun way I had intended. Am I just over reacting? Has anyone else ever been through this? I dont want to disappoint my fiance but I dont want to feel forced into doing something I dont want to do! My ex did that to me and I hated him and myself for it! I wanted this time to be different. I hoped this would help me work through my issues but now I feel like I make a grave mistake!

[slevin 1,374]

Have you told your fiance everything you just wrote here?

[IvorieManiac 25]

Yes I have and he thinks I suggested swinging because he doesnt turn me on anymore. Ive told him hes wrong, I thought it would help my self esteem and keep him from cheating on me. He has always talked about wanting a threesome with another woman from the beginning of our relationship, ive done it with my ex so why not with him. And hes continually tryed to get me to sext or talk dirty during sex, about multiple partners of course. He assumes the only reason I resist is self doubt and thinks I should overcome it and be a freak with him. So I thought if we try swinging it was a good compromise, it satisfys his needs without being unfaithful and I win brownie points and a deeper love from him. All its done so far is cause a fight.

[IvorieManiac 25]

He doesnt understand that im not turned on sometimes because I dont feel like I excite him enough anymore. Im too over weight and not wild enough to keep him happy but it wouldnt matter if I were 50lbs lighter, im still not going to be as sexually uninhibited as he is. Im afraid I bit off more than I can chew for the wrong reasons and ultimately I have to set him free. Im not what he wants or needs and nothing I do will change that.

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

It is selfish. But it is him being selfish, you should never ask your spouse/SO to do something against their will. It is pretty damn inconsiderate to tell you the guy is better than you have had, so just do it.

 

I my mind you two are not ready for the LS. You both need to take a break and re-exam this thing. Perhaps you need to re-exam spending the rest of your life with him as well. His reaction does not sound like it is coming from a place of love for you, just lust for another woman.

 

As for you OP, it does not have to be sex or nothing. There is plenty of room for friends in the LS, but you should not take one for the team AND you need to be honest, yet tactful, with the other couple.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Yes I have and he thinks I suggested swinging because he doesnt turn me on anymore. Ive told him hes wrong, I thought it would help my self esteem and keep him from cheating on me. He has always talked about wanting a threesome with another woman from the beginning of our relationship, ive done it with my ex so why not with him. And hes continually tryed to get me to sext or talk dirty during sex, about multiple partners of course. He assumes the only reason I resist is self doubt and thinks I should overcome it and be a freak with him. So I thought if we try swinging it was a good compromise, it satisfys his needs without being unfaithful and I win brownie points and a deeper love from him. All its done so far is cause a fight.

 

It doesn't sound like you are in this for the right reasons. Swinging will not keep him from cheating or prove your love. You need to be doing it to enjoy yourself. If you're doing it for him it just won't work.

 

In some ways it's great for self-esteem, in some ways it really sucks. There's a lot of rejection in this. You need to have a good base to get past that.

 

You both need to step back and talk about this further. Playing with someone you're not attracted to will probably just make you more resentful and less self-confident.

[2 in C-bus 21]

There is much good advice in what the others have said above. I can only offer my very view of the situation based on my very limited experience. My wife and I have a rule that either of us can say no to a couple (or single for that matter) for any reason. The main reason being that one half of the couple does not do it for us. If one of us says no then that's the end of it. We may discuss our reasons why we don't want to play with the other couple but unless we both agree there is going to be no playtime. You partner's pushing you to do something you don't want to is wrong, wrong, wrong. For your own sake, don't play with this couple. You won't be doing yourself, or them, any favors. You and your partner need to get on the same page before you progress any further. Good luck.

 

Mr. 2

[Dont.Stop 339]

It can do wonders for your self esteem, yes. Mrs. DontStop and I were discussing just that the other day. Knowing you are desirable to someone else and being able to pleasure them does help out a lot.

 

HOWEVER

 

Someone posted somewhere else here that swinging is like bring a blowtorch to your relationship. It will either burn it up or make it burn hotter. It sounds like your relationship with your fiance is of the former.

 

This is not like going to an Eagles concert because he likes them whereas you prefer Celine Dion. That would be a couple hours and it's over. This will have ramifications that will last long after the night is through. Especially if it's the first time you're trying this as it will set an ugly precedent. Beyond that, you two just don't sound ready to proceed.

 

Slow down, reinvest in each other, put swinging on the back burner for a long while, and revisit later if you're both confident in each other. Because right now, you're not.