Same room or separate? Together or solo??

[Dont.Stop 339]

What I've come to love in the short time we've been in the LS is there are so many ways, preferences and nuances to it. You cultivate, groom and tailor the experience to get just what you and your SO want out of it.

 

At the same time, the further we go the more fuzzy the picture is getting, and perhaps something slightly different is coming into focus.

 

For years Mrs. DontStop and I have talked about finding another couple and swapping. We talked how hot it would be to watch the other do someone else, or watch someone else do us.

 

And it is hot! But I wonder if all the extra attention is causing my performance issues. I pop all the herbs to give me a better chance of getting and maintaining an erection, but it's just never what I want it to be (and nothing near like it is when Mrs and I are alone).

 

Mrs. gave me a hall pass earlier this week. I packed my herbals but I never took them. Just me and my playmate, alone in her house, and things went wonderfully. I'd even had a few drinks ahead of time, which I usually forgo so they won't interrupt the hydraulics. Ever since that night my mind has been chewing on the experience in my subconscious and it broke through today.

 

I think I'm better suited for a separate room swap. I admittedly don't pay a whole lot of attention to what's going on with Mrs. during a swap anyway. We enjoy the four-way play and I sure hate to take that away.

 

I talked to Mrs. about how I was feeling today. Of course she didn't make any demands, reassuring me that this is all about having fun, whatever that turns out to be. I feel a bit conflicted because I feel like I'd be leaving her out on the intimacy. And a lot of the four-way play.

 

We're not nearly done discussing it as I know I'm not nearly done realizing all the thoughts running around my head.

 

Anyone else feel like (or once felt like) separate rooms robbed your SO of the experience? Any advice?

[TheSwingerSet 205]

We have done it all, same room separate rooms, hall passes and group play. It's all good!! You need to find out what is right for the two of you, no one else can make that decision for you.

 

I have been following your steps into the lifestyle that you have posted here, You are fairly new to the who thing and I'm sure that in the future when you get more accustomed to having people around when you are having sex you will rise to the occasion.

 

Back in the day (not really, at times it still gets to me) I have had issues with performance while others have been watching, but it got better the more experience I have gotten.

 

One thing that has really helped me is to make sure that my partner has gotten hers, then I can relax and enjoy myself more.

 

K

[BorisNatasha 63]

Yeah you just need to find what works for you. You're going to get all kinds of answers here, because for some people separate rooms works and for some it doesn't.

 

The question is, do you think you'd enjoy the 4-way experience if you weren't having the performance issues? Do you think it's anxiety related? I hate to sound like a pusher but if that's all it is, go to the doc and get some magic blue pills. Problem solved. After a few sessions with those confidence builders you won't even need them anymore.

 

Been there, done that, it really is that easy.

 

If it's not related to the performance thing and you are just uncomfortable with your wife (or the other woman's husband) watching you have sex with someone else, then that's another issue to tackle altogether.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Back in the day (not really, at times it still gets to me) I have had issues with performance while others have been watching, but it got better the more experience I have gotten.

 

One thing that has really helped me is to make sure that my partner has gotten hers, then I can relax and enjoy myself more.

 

That's the compersion

thing that we both feel. Listening to her moan and cum is exciting, but maybe distracting. And she likes to watch me as well. I guess when she's getting pleasured and I can even get an erection, it plays on itself.

 

The question is, do you think you'd enjoy the 4-way experience if you weren't having the performance issues? Do you think it's anxiety related? I hate to sound like a pusher but if that's all it is, go to the doc and get some magic blue pills. Problem solved. After a few sessions with those confidence builders you won't even need them anymore.

 

Been there, done that, it really is that easy.

 

If it's not related to the performance thing and you are just uncomfortable with your wife (or the other woman's husband) watching you have sex with someone else, then that's another issue to tackle altogether.

 

I am making a distinction between a 4-way and a pair of couples going 1-on-1. I do enjoy the 4-way play. Anxiety or distraction? Haven't figured out which. There was neither on Wednesday when I was solo. We're going to a massive party tomorrow night. And next week a smaller house party.

 

I'll try a few things. I'll sip some alcohol next time out and see if that relaxes me enough. Apparently the drinks I had the other night didn't negatively affect me. Next week's party will have some 420, and maybe that will do it.

 

I'm positive that once I find myself relaxed enough to perform once or twice I'll figure out how to get my mind in the right place. Because I know it's mental.

[Suncouple 32]

"I pop all the herbs"

 

Do mean herbal products or actual Viagra or Cialis (or real generics)?

 

Try some actual Viagra or actual generic Viagra if you are using herb herbs.

 

Anyone who says that is not what these drugs are for ...

 

I disagree.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I use herbs. I'm not much for taking stuff made in labs.

 

The stuff does work pretty good otherwise, but it seems when I feel like I "have to perform", nothing works. Those same herbs will keep me up all night (and in the case of Yohimbe, keep my heart racing for hours).

 

Example: Popped my happy pills (Libido-Max). Went to club. With all to see and participate (and I did) and with direct oral stimulation, I could not get hard for the life of me. We spent 4-5 hours there.

 

We get in the car and head home. Within 15 minutes here comes the erection. I'm pretty certain I can't relax enough with an audience to be effective.

[BorisNatasha 63]

I find it humorous that you are OK with taking an herb that keeps you up all night and makes your heart race (that's a bad sign by the way), but not OK with an FDA approved drug whose worst side effect most people ever experience is getting a little congested for about an hour.

 

You admit that what you are doing isn't working. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

[Dont.Stop 339]

I find it humorous that you are OK with taking an herb that keeps you up all night and makes your heart race (that's a bad sign by the way), but not OK with an FDA approved drug whose worst side effect most people ever experience is getting a little congested for about an hour.

 

You admit that what you are doing isn't working. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

 

I failed to clarify that.

 

I took the Yohimbe once and refuse to take any more. The point being that the herbals do have an effect. Nothing is automatic. Just popping the pills alone won't do the trick-- Viagra/Cialis are the same way. It's a mental hurdle I must overcome.

[BorisNatasha 63]

That makes more sense. But your statement that "Just popping the pills alone won't do the trick-- Viagra/Cialis are the same way" really isn't correct in my experience. The pharma products do cause a physiological response which is pretty impossible to ignore.

 

And that's the last I'll say about it because I'm starting to sound like I work for Pfizer. Just trying to help by giving you advice that helped me.

 

Boris

[Dont.Stop 339]

That makes more sense. But your statement that "Just popping the pills alone won't do the trick-- Viagra/Cialis are the same way" really isn't correct in my experience. The pharma products do cause a physiological response which is pretty impossible to ignore.

 

And that's the last I'll say about it because I'm starting to sound like I work for Pfizer. Just trying to help by giving you advice that helped me.

 

Boris

 

I appreciate it. I may end up going that route if all else fails... I can't have a string of unsatisfied playmates while I work out my issues.

[Lascivious L&L 866]

I have tried Viagra and it's as they say...it doesn't work unless your mind is there as well. It's a mind thing and for some minds, comfort and connection is what it's all about. Distraction is not always negative and my wife distracts me substantially.

 

I really dislike the congestion. I get colds rarely and am not allergic to anything, so congestion for me is rare and unpleasant. I stopped using viagra because of the congestion and because my mind is dominant over the physiological effects of viagra.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I find it distracting the more other people are involved and often have a difficulty cumming because of it even if I am hard.

 

I would think I would be much more comfortable with separate room, but we have never done that. It might end up being a whatever I'm in the mood for though if we do. Sometimes I would want Mrs. there and other times not, because sometimes just watching her really gets me off. Most the time though I'd just want to focus on what I am doing.