We said yes, now she says no

[Dont.Stop 339]

We have a couple friends that more or less ushered us into the lifestyle. We've played with them together and separately and were over visiting the other night for dinner and conversation. A little flirty play went on with me and the female host, but didn't go far and wasn't intended to.

 

Anyhow, through the course of the night we observed them being themselves. And Mrs. DontStop just kinda lost respect for our male host from the way he treated his wife. Nothing physical, but the kind of barbs he throws at her, as well as his attitude towards doing housework (and he's out of work) just didn't sit well with her.

 

Mrs told me (and I wasn't surprised) that she wouldn't be able to get excited to play with him anymore. So I said, wow, that's gonna be strange then. What Mrs DontStop didn't hear them say is that he wants to watch me fuck his wife (it's a dark skin/light skin thing, but I digress).

 

Mrs DontStop gladly renewed my hall pass to play with her, but she won't be going to play with them unless something changes.

 

It took a year or scheduling and rescheduling until we finally had a play date. Mrs says she'd rather just keep putting it off and avoid playing again. I suggested that I would tell the female what the issue is. Mrs says not to do that, because that puts the female in a sticky situation.

 

Now, I certainly agree with Mrs and this guys attitude. And when i was told that he wanted to watch us together, I said sure. But Mrs didn't hear it and the night hadn't unfolded yet where her feelings would change.

 

So we're (I'm) left with two decisions:

 

Take the hall pass or leave it. I do enjoy her.

 

Avoid play dates or come clean. Or just avoid them. They are friends though, and were friends pre-swinging.

 

Hmmmm......

[VegasLee 1,486]

I personally would keep them as friends since that is what they where to start with and drop the play.

 

Does not put your wife in a uncomfortable position. To me, she comes first and others take a back seat to her.

 

Keep it simple.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

Ditto to what Lee said. Drop the play with them and keep the friendship. The sticky part is how to tell them that you are no longer interested in play but value their friendship.

 

We were involved with a couple who we no longer had any interest in playing with (also vanilla friends, before we turned them to the dark side) and when we let them know that we were no longer interested in play time, even though it was because we valued their friendship more, they took it badly and choose to no longer have interaction of any kind with us. So for us we lost both play partners and friends. But we knew this might be the case even before we told them that we no longer wished to play with them.

 

Hope it works out better for you.

 

K

[Alura 2,775]

If the late Mrs. Alura were dealing with this situation, she would immediately tell the guy what he said that bothered her, hoping to change his attitude. My guess is that she would have been successful.

 

Beating around the bush doesn't work with communication and we're always talking on this board about how important it is. Let's practice what we preach.

 

Alura

[Mr. Truelove 81]

I'd be honest to a point. I've always been the type to tell someone that we're just not feeling the chemistry or attraction. Even if it was there for a while to begin with. Things change. I've had to tell that to two couples and each one took it very well, in fact, we're still in contact with them and they are very friendly regardless and don't ever push to play.

 

You don't need to go into the details of why it's become a no-go. That's kind of on them to figure out. It could cause excess grief to go into details.

 

I wouldn't play anymore. Even solo. I'm with Lee. Keep it simple.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Thanks for your input. I always value the words from the vets.

 

I took these arguments to Mrs. She just kinda chuckled and said I was making more of it than I should.

 

No, she's not attracted really, but that doesn't mean that if we're all together one night and a couple drinks flow that she won't just say 'to hell with it' and have some fun. She just told me don't pursue a date night. But if it happens, then it happens.

 

And she told me to take the hall pass and put it to good use.

 

She's not comfortable explaining to them; I'm not pushing her to do what she doesn't want to.

 

I'm reluctant to take the pass because if the situation were reversed and I was shut out, I'd want to know why.

 

The interesting twist (and what makes me want to be straight up with them) is that they have another couple (T&D) they swap with quite often... or used to. They don't anymore because she (the common friend) put on some weight recently and T just doesn't find her sexy anymore. But she says "at least he's honest about it, and I don't like it but it's okay".

 

Mrs. DontStop and I think she still looks great. Part of continuing to see her would be to reinforce that (I don't think they're doing much swapping these days). Even Mrs. believes that sex with her would help her feel better about herself. But hey, we're just guessing here.

 

We're still in a holding pattern. I lean towards telling them something (thanks for the suggestions). Mrs. not comfortable with it yet. No hall pass until we decide how to do this.

[MN Tom 251]

We would very likely come out and tell them what the deal is.

 

It may be hard to do, but it's a lot better than beating around the bush forever.

 

We had a different situation (appearance instead of personality related) happen with us a bit ago.

 

A couple contacted us, we liked their profile, and met at a party. It went well.

Met them at another party, and the guy had grown a beard and now had the appearance of a relative of my wife (back in their younger days that is).

It really sent her for a loop, turned her off sexually, but she wasnt sure about telling him, wanted to see if she could work through it first.

 

Saw them at a few more parties, and it just wasnt working for her, so finally she came out and told him what was up. He was surprised, and said that he was wondering what had happened and was happy that he finally knew.

[Alura 2,775]

I really believe too many of us grew up watching television sit coms, thinking life (and marriage) should be lived that way. If we all interacted with our wives and children the way Red Foreman did on "That Seventies Show" what do y'all suppose would be the percentage of our offspring who become criminals and our wives who murder us? (I had to go ask my son the name of the show and the obnoxious father.) It's somehow sad that he knew.

 

I grew up watching John Wayne grab a woman by the upper arms and forcefully kiss her. She always fought at first but was soon overpowered by his kiss and began to return it hotly. I thought that was the way it was supposed to be done until a young lady corrected me sometime in my early twenties. I owe her a lot!

 

Alura

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I can't count the number of times that getting to know someone too well, turned me off to them. Sometimes the superficial is just much more attractive.

 

I say pass on the hall pass and just let them know that you are no longer interested in playing. My guess (if it was me at least) is that if your wife has lost respect for him in that way she's not really interested in hanging out with them as friends either. So, it would be best to just move on. It may be awkward if you run into them at other parties or clubs, but it happens to all of us.