Feeling Left Out While She Plays

[lucky & unlucky 16]

hello all this is the mister(unlucky). We have been in the LS for 6 yrs. We have had the pleasure of one couple and one MMF . This is were i need the advice. The mrs(lucky) as her own profile on different adult sites and she gets allot of winks and chats, Our couples profile gets maybe three views in about three weeks, so nothing big. I have come to the point that maybe we just aren't what people want. Lucky has been that very lucky. I have brought up numerous times that I would like to watch her play or even take part. The answer i get is t hat people dont want to big people to play with, or if i talk to my play mate they might not like the idea, and then we loose out. Then she will say the we will find some one soon. I have found couples on different sites that we get talking and we go out for coffee to see how things go. Well when we come home after coffee i ask the wife what she thought and i get told there was no connection, so once more we get nothing. I then ask if we can have a 3 some , i get told that she dose not feel comfortable having a three some as one person will be left out. I love my wife a lot and thought the ls would be fun, but i am the one watching tv when she gose out to play. I dont want her to stop. I just want to watch her get played with.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

I don't think that you are being unreasonable. Honestly I would stop all play until you are both on the same page. From the sounds of it your wife is being very selfish and self centered.

Have you told her outright how you feel about this? If you haven't then you need to do so!

This is supposed to be fun for both of you!

 

We have some couples in our area with screen names like:

All play or no play

and

together or never

These two names say it all. What is good for the goose really is good for the gander!

 

 

K

[Chicup 42]

Women can get casual sex a lot easier than men in the lifestyle.

 

Men have an easier time dating but that doesn't apply to swinging unfortunately.

 

There is also a lot of information we don't have which I think would be helpful in determining what the real situation is.

 

When you say 'big people' I am assuming you mean overweight. In this case are you both overweight or just you?

 

The feeling I'm getting from this limited information is this.

 

She feels that she can't get people shes attracted to if you are part of the equation. The couples you meet are most likely less attractive than the singles she can. Even if she herself is overweight, a single female for casual sex can do far 'better' than a single male. A single male normally has to be FAR better than the average male to be successful in the lifestyle when it comes to looks, a single female can be far worse.

 

She is also being selfish, and personally I think you are on the early divorce tract here. Shes going off to play on her own, and not respecting your feelings on the matter. Sooner or later she will find a playmate she will respect more and you will be gone.

 

My recommendations based on my limited info here would be to....

 

1 - Ask her to stop playing solo.

2 - Work on your appearance (lose weight, work out).

 

Be a man, get her to respect you again, get her to lust after you again and you might have a shot here.

[lucky & unlucky 16]

I am 6 feet and 290 lbs she is 5.10 and a she is some what lighter then me buy a 30/50 lbs. The lucky one gets a little bit jealous when i chat to women or even think of playing. When we had our first couple every thing was going great till we put the rubbers on, as soon as i put on my condom, her and her partner left the hot tub and went out side and started to play. When all of us were done she had no problem being around again. Her thinking is if i play with some one other then her she thinks i will find some one better then her, and leave her. Well that is not gonna happen. I think this is why she has so many excuses when i ask about a three some or if we can find a couple.

[Dont.Stop 339]

Her thinking is if i play with some one other then her she thinks i will find some one better then her, and leave her.

 

If that's what she thinks then you two shouldn't be swinging. Period. You have to be strong and stable and know who you're going home with at the end of the night. Mrs and I just spent two nights with a couple and it was so intense that we're taking time off just to put the focus back on each other. It was a great time but it really tested us. And we're coming out okay.

 

My suggestion is to remind each other what you have, what you've built and what you've accomplished together. And that you're not willing to sacrifice that for some NSA sex.

 

And yes, it's extremely selfish if she is okay swinging but not okay with you swinging.

 

Good luck.

[xxxboxy 139]

I couldn't have the arrangement that you and your wife have. It's far too one sided and not mutually agreed upon.

[Powerglide 235]

Your wife's view that in a threesome, one gets left out, is very strange and completely untrue. There are many fans of MFM here who can back up what I say. Any one woman can give two guys more than they can handle any day of the week. And the weight issue is a little puzzling -- but I think younger couples are more concerned with such issues than more mature couples. But the crucial thing is that the two of you must get on the same page, or nothing good will come of this.

[2inSanDiego4u 181]

It's far too one sided and not mutually agreed upon.

 

This...

 

You need to set some ground rules that are acceptable to both of you. Otherwise, this just isn't going to work for you I'm afraid.

[lucky & unlucky 16]

I would like to thank every one that commented. I think i will just as fuck the life style and swinging and let her have what she wants and I will go to the garage and play with my wood working tools, and build some things. Who knows maybe I will come across a used viper for sale in the auto traders.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I would like to thank every one that commented. I think i will just as fuck the life style and swinging and let her have what she wants and I will go to the garage and play with my wood working tools, and build some things. Who knows maybe I will come across a used viper for sale in the auto traders.

 

This does not sound like the recipe for a good marriage. It seems to me just letting her have what she wants will make you become resentful and put distance between the two of you. I'd suggest you keep talking and stop playing until you come to a comfortable place where you are both getting what you want.

[TN_couple8688 15]

I would like to thank every one that commented. I think i will just as fuck the life style and swinging and let her have what she wants and I will go to the garage and play with my wood working tools, and build some things. Who knows maybe I will come across a used viper for sale in the auto traders.

 

This is completely unfair for you. If you two are going to be in this lifestyle, you need to have rules and boundaries that are agreed on by the both of you. And if one of you doesn't agree, neither one of you play.

 

Please don't just give her what she wants. This is a recipe for disaster.

[slevin 1,374]

This is a tough question to hear, and a difficult question to answer: if you told her that you wanted to stop all extracurricular sexual activities for both of you...would she? If she would stop, would she be upset and resent you for it?

[Mr. Truelove 81]

This shows such a lack of respect it's crazy. I'm thinking you two need to spend some time together and working on the basics of marriage.

[lucky & unlucky 16]

Well i see every one thinks i am the bad person here(lucky) unlucky left out some information which i think every one here should hear. When we had our very first couple we were all enjoy the hot tube just like unlucky had said, but after being in the tub for almost 30 min, my blood sugars had dropped so much that i felt like passing out. My hubby and my play partner helped me out of the tub, i was given some candy to bring up my sugars. We sat out side for about 45 min and i told hubby to go back to the hot tub and enjoy the company. My play partner was sitting out side talking to me making sure i was all right, well things started to happen and we were busy playing and it lead to some great fun. We then took a break from the ls has we had our 3rd child and we came back to the ls 2 yrs later. We met a couple and thought things would work out. All i asked my hubby was to keep any texting and chatting very calm and no picture swapping. He told me he would not do any of that and he wanted it to work. One day about a month after we had met them that i had found about 5 naked pictures of her. I asked hubby about it and he got mad and sad you don't trust me, and we had joined a sex site to have fun not to wait around. I removed all my sites and ended it, till about 3 months ago, when i created a new profile on a site. I have met a play partner, and told hubby to find one for him self as I told him that i am not sure if I want to do a 3 some as the last one we had tried made me feel very uncomfortable, It all ways made me feel like i was being watched and that i had to focus on trying to play with two people and making them happy. I have tried telling unlucky that i feel very uncomfortable about it and would only like to play with one at a time. I thought i would explain.

[Chicup 42]

Still sounds like a complete train wreck to me.

 

You don't just make a profile, go play and tell your spouse, hey you do it too, I'm not comfortable in groups if hes not happy with that idea.

 

Either you are a couple in it together, or you are not. Take your side.

[Powerglide 235]

Wow. After reading Lucky's response, I feel even more strongly that this is not a swinging problem, this is a marriage problem. I read these posts and I see envy, jealousy, anger, and revenge. Neither of you should bring this crap into a swinging scene and potentially burden others with it.

[Mr. Truelove 81]

My advice is the same. Work on Marriage first.

[TN_couple8688 15]

I agree with Powerglide. After reading Lucky's response...please stop swinging, playing solo or anything having to do with sex with anyone other than your spouse. You two need to work on your marriage first.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Have to agree with everyone else. Focus on your marriage first. It's obvious that neither of you are really happy with each other right now and that needs to change before you consider swinging.