An absolutely amazing evening, but feeling confused - advice needed

[TomTom123 15]

We had an absolutely amazing evening on Saturday night at a swingers club. Those of you who've read my previous thread will know that I suffered intense internal upset after a difficult first swinging experience last year, with the upset feelings emerging regularly (see Advice needed please on first time experience).

 

After much discussion (weeks and weeks), we decided to give it another go, this time going for soft swinging and no full swap. We went to this fantastic club, took a couple of hours to settle down and meet people, then went into one of the rooms, where we soon started soft swinging with another beautiful couple. It was wonderful - pleasuring and receiving pleasure from this wonderful stranger. My wife paired off with the guy, who was licking her and she was moaning. I was fine with that. I just couldn't believe how much fun everything was!

 

At one point, I looked over and he was fucking her in the mouth, which rather surprised me, but I was being given such a wonderful bj that I soon forgot about it.

 

The night continued, with lots of fun, and probably a few too many drinks. My wife and I went back into the main room and had sex together. At the same time, she was kissing and being fondled by another guy, while I was kissing another girl - also an absolute stunner. Then a single girl joined us and my wife kissed her and got licked by her - which she loved as she's bi.

 

So the whole evening was truly amazing. I came away thinking 'this was the best night of my life'.

 

But now's the problem. I feel so confused. I have so many thoughts of the evening in my mind. Good ones, amazing ones, but also troubling ones, particularly when I saw my wife get fucked in the mouth. I'm not sure whether I found it exciting or disturbing - or both. I don't think it's jealousy, but the image keeps coming back in my mind, a bit like with the first experience.

 

I feel fine (even very happy) with her being with another woman and have no problem seeing my wife kiss/touch/be touched by another guy. In fact, part of me was happy to see her get turned on by a guy as it confirmed to me just how fully bisexual she is and how I want her to express and fulfill this.

 

It's the more 'fucking' part that I seem to be uncomfortable with, even though I'd prefer to be 100% fine with it.

 

Does anyone else get such mixed feelings?

[lizandtom 512]

I don't think it's jealousy, but the image keeps coming back in my mind, a bit like with the first experience.

 

I feel fine (even very happy) with her being with another woman and have no problem seeing my wife kiss/touch/be touched by another guy. In fact, part of me was happy to see her get turned on by a guy as it confirmed to me just how fully bisexual she is and how I want her to express and fulfil this.

 

It's the more 'fucking' part that I seem to be uncomfortable with, even though I'd prefer to be 100% fine with it.

 

Does anyone else get such mixed feelings?

 

If your wife was having an issue with the other guy F'ing her in the mouth, then presumably she would have put an end to it. You've got to come to grips with why, in your head, this is about you, which it wasn't. This was her having fun with another guy and nothing to do with you, so you have to either leave it be and get used to the fact that she'll have her own fun in her own way, or face the music that you do have some jealousy issues to be discussed with your wife. I vote the first option; stop overthinking it, and just enjoy what occurred and go with the flow. You'll relax more over time with more experience, so try not to make a mountain over a mole hill, especially if the chemistry was good all around that night.

[swing.kidz 367]

...but also troubling ones, particularly when I saw my wife get fucked in the mouth. I'm not sure whether I found it exciting or disturbing - or both.

 

I wonder if you are hung up on the image because you are conflicted about being OK with the fact that your wife was a part of, and actually enjoyed something as raw as that with another guy.

 

Well I say: Dude, use it in your mind as material to enhance your future sexual experiences. Give yourself permission to enjoy that your wife is a sexually liberated woman and play that image over and over when you are really going at it. If you do, I'll bet pretty soon you wont have any issues with it anymore. *wink.

[Youngcalcpl 125]

Short version: I've kind of been there with the odd feelings. Even with just thinking of her doing things. Over time I realized I was okay with it all.

 

Long version: It may come down to limits. You may want to honestly ask yourself what your's are. No matter what they are the point is that they aren't wrong. If you set your own limits and communicate them properly you are headed the right direction and you can cut down on the troubled feelings quite a bit (Our opinion, not really fact). In this case are you really sure you are okay with your wife giving oral. Not just a saintly blowjob but to possability of getting a real mouth fucking? If not you'll want to let her know and you guys can adjust to what you want to try...that and communicate it to the people you end up playing with. I used to be only able to handle the idea of my wife giving oral and anything more made me almost sick to my stomach. We talked about things, made our play friends aware of limits, and over time those feelings abated. Now things that used to spark odd feelings just excite me to no end.

[MsGoneWild 182]

Its great that you guys were able to have a good time, but I'm confused about something.. I've always been under the impression that soft swinging includes oral sex for both men and women (no penile-vaginal, or no penile-anal). Did you and your wife have a conversation about WHAT exactly was aloud to go on? Did you have a conversation with your extra partners? Because if not, thats where the confusion came from..

[TomTom123 15]

We did have a conversation about what was allowed to go on, but clearly didn't cover everything. Speaking afterwards, she says mouth fucking is soft, while I realise that for me it's very much hard sex. So we're slowly learning how each of us sees things, which is fine!

 

Last night was interesting as we had a big deep conversation. She was jealous because I'd have an orgasm at the club, while she hadn't. So we discussed that too.

 

But my big question to her was: what does it mean to be married when your relationship is no longer exclusive? When we're both having thoughts/desires about others? When we're testing things to the limit?

 

Any ideas?

 

On the jealousy side, I'm feeling much better than after my last experience. It's still not perfect, but I'm getting there. Great to hear that others have been there too and got over it.

[lizandtom 512]

But my big question to her was: what does it mean to be married when your relationship is no longer exclusive? When we're both having thoughts/desires about others? When we're testing things to the limit?

 

It's all about how you perceive it; are you two mutually exclusive in the fact that you are solely married to each other, that at the end of each 'fun' night you'll only be going home with each other, that (presumably) you're with your soul mate?

 

As my wife always says when meeting up with someone new; 'we'll see if there's chemistry; it's just sex, it's not like I'm going to marry them.' ... And yes, both of us can get a bit disappointed if we don't reach climax a lot of the time, but that has diminished greatly over the years as we've become much more relaxed in all sorts of situations.

[susanandsteve 32]

Have you considered you're thinking so much about this that you cannot have fun because of all the trouble you're determined to find.

[Tina and Bob 236]

I am a little confused with the term fucking her in the mouth. To me it sounds like your wife was giving him a blowjob, plain and simple. Obviously she wanted to do it and gave and received pleasure from it. You yourself was getting a blowjob so what's the big deal? In other words, to use your term, you were fucking the other woman in her mouth. Sounds like issues with double standards to me, not to be insensitive, but get over it or your swinging days will be over.

[Gordo 618]

I must admit I'm puzzled over the apparent difference of your cock being in a woman's mouth and that's a blowjob but if your wife does it it's mouth fucking???

 

Sometimes the dumbest things send us off in the wrong direction and if you stop and think about it you'll realize you're splitting hairs here.

[slevin 1,374]

I think the difference between the two terms is:

 

Blowjob = woman in control and giving the man a blow job

Fucking her mouth = man in control, woman with mouth open and man pumping in and out of her

 

Subtle difference, but I think there is a definite difference in control, dominance, intensity etc.

[Gordo 618]

I think the difference between the two terms is:

 

Blowjob = woman in control and giving the man a blow job

Fucking her mouth = man in control, woman with mouth open and man pumping in and out of her

 

Subtle difference, but I think there is a definite difference in control, dominance, intensity etc.

 

Agreed but to make such a distinction that is obviously bugging him is trite.

 

Like I said sometimes the stupidest little things send us in the wrong direction and when examined critically don't really stand up as issues.

 

I've posted before about seeing my wife nuzzling under the chin of her lover and getting really bent out of shape about it. Somehow it seemed too intimate. When I thought about it later I realized he had his cock buried in her, they were kissing, he had complete access to her body and yet I'm getting bummed over some chin nuzzling. It was stupid and when I really thought about it I realized I was the one that was wrong.

[slevin 1,374]

Agreed but to make such a distinction that is obviously bugging him is trite.

 

Like I said sometimes the stupidest little things send us in the wrong direction and when examined critically don't really stand up as issues.

 

I've posted before about seeing my wife nuzzling under the chin of her lover and getting really bent out of shape about it. Somehow it seemed too intimate. When I thought about it later I realized he had his cock buried in her, they were kissing, he had complete access to her body and yet I'm getting bummed over some chin nuzzling. It was stupid and when I really thought about it I realized I was the one that was wrong.

 

Sure, but sometimes things bother us no matter how logical we try to be about them. If this is one of those things then it's better to get it out in the open and avoid it altogether. I don't know enough about the situation to really tell, but it could be that he likes to "face fuck" and his wife would never let him. Or that he was already feeling less masculine or less in control of the situation compared to the other guy. Having him do something that is preceived as very dominant could trigger things.

 

Or it could just be a silly feeling that when shone under the light of reason looks as silly as it is

[Coupleerotic22 1,419]

It sound like you two are moving in a good direction. At first, for a very short time, little things bothered us as well. But it did not take us too long to realize it was not a big deal and we felt silly for being bothered by them.

 

It sounds like you are coming to terms with your issues. Sure it would be easier, maybe even better, to come to terms sooner rather than later. But in the end there is no rush. What may seem silly for some may be normal for you, and would seem down right outrageous for the general population.

 

I think each time you have an experience more barriers will be knocked down, you will build more trust in yourself and your partner, and you will begin to leave your issues behind you. If it takes a little longer for you than others that is fine as well. Just keep the lines of communication open and I think you will be fine.